Crap, I've wanted to write a funny spamfic for a while now....never got a great idea until now. Yea, its sort of been done before, but not to *this* level. No...not even close... The Love that Binds by Incantrix "Miss Washu?" Yosho looked up at the ceiling hole in Tenchi's room. "I was wondering if you could help me out with a project for a second." "I'm a scientist, not a home builder." The petite scientist had both of her hands on her waist while she nodded. Yosho coughed. "Nevertheless, since your daughter did the damage, I feel that her mother should take part of the blame this time." "Hah, why don't you just punish her yourself?" asked Washu. The shrine priest just turned and looked down at the red-headed one. "I thought responsibility was a mother's job." Washu blinked. "Well, ummm...I guess if you put it that way..." Her smile threatened to overload even Yosho's kawaii circuits. "How could I not refuse a gentleman like you?" The line went over like a flat joke. Washu sighed. "I guess I could help...this time." "Very good." Yosho looked to the right at the supplies scattered on Tenchi's bed. "I have a few wood shingles already and some of necessary tools. But I'll need to go into town and pick up some more. I believe you add to the materials here, little Washu?" "Ummm, yea. Sure..." The little scientist opened up a small dimensional hole to her lab. "Let's see, I think I've got something here...and here..." She pulled out a couple of bundles of equipment. "Who-ho, jackpot! I've got a nail gun here - this sucker pops in little brads at about 500 a minute. That's the low power setting, of course." Washu pointed to a smaller package on the bed. "Oh, and that tub of white over there is some of my special super-super-Washu-glue, good for sticking anything to anything. And other jar of caulk, you know, is for marking straight lines." Yosho looked down at the new supplies done by Washu. "Are any of these jars labeled?" "Oh, of course I do?" She tugged the nail gun up from the bed, showing off the little crab detail tag on the bottom. "I'm starting to label my stuff, see! That Dr. Clay had a good idea after all - it makes it useful for when I need my goods returned." Yosho chuckled. "I can assure you the return of your supplies." Washu slapped the old shine priest on the back. "Oh course you can! Now, let's go downtown to get that wood of yours. We can take one of my cars!" Yosho tried to object, but it was much too late as the petite scientist dragged him out by the arm. "Yea...here's good." Tenchi Masaki had the lovely yet deadly Ryoko Hakubi in his arms. The couple was in the throws of passion as they jumped on the couch together. "My darling Tenchi." Ryoko started to squirm down Tenchi's body, rubbing along his neckline with the nape of own neck, getting the little boy saucy and aroused at her sex appeal. It seemed to be working as she felt his body soften a bit in her grasp. The prince wrestled from his underneath grasp, trying to playfully get away from Ryoko's upper position. Strangely, his mind told him to flee like the baka he was. But those muscles in his body were not budging. The deadly Ryoko continued to slather at his neck for flesh, ever so slightly ripping into the collar of his shirt. "Ryoko...cut it out. Why can't we have a normal relationship?" His voice pleas fell quickly on the deaf ears of the space pirate. "Tenchi, my dear...when you reached down and kissed me earlier today in the carrot field..." Ryoko's tongue could barely pronounce the words, at the same time she was melting her chin into the side of Tenchi head. "I knew you could not resist my charms anymore..." "But it was just an innocent trip and fall!" Yea, he fell, and she fell right on top. Those eyes met, and for once, Tenchi didn't push her off. The feeling of soft skin, subtle breasts, and the look in her eyes melted at Tenchi's heart. Before he knew what was happening, he had kissed her - right there in the carrot field. "No, it wasn't..." Ryoko continued to explore Tenchi's neck with her own mouth. The sound of Ayeka's voice brought Tenchi back to reality. He did not want the princess to find out he had been in the grasp of another woman - at least, not yet. Leaving his tools out in the middle of the carrot patch, he darted home with Ryoko in tow. "You know, Tenchi. I never thought you could be so forward," purred Ryoko, as he playfully bit her neck back. Those words didn't to soften the blow on Tenchi's mind. But the feel - that skin, that flesh. He left like he needed it *now*, and it needed it quick. "Are you sure everyone is gone?" asked a nervous Tenchi. "Quit talking so much. Washu taking Yosho out for a stroll, that's all. And the bitch is out with Sasami." Tenchi tried to say something else, but Ryoko had already slid her lips over his mouth. With a little bit of a bite, she tugged softly at his lower lip, getting the typical male reaction from his pants. Tenchi felt it fuel throughout his body as his internal temperature rose. He reached around with his arm and turned the tables on Ryoko, twisting her body into the side of the cushions. Ryoko moaned again, a definite reaction to her aggressive lover. "Oh...Tenchi...!" A sudden rattle of keys at the front door, then the sounds of lock bolts turning. A second later, the front door to the Masaki house creaked open. "I'm home, Tenchi!" shouted Nobuyuki, "Didn't see you in the fields when I drove up!...Are you here?" Tenchi bolted up, lugging the sexually charged Ryoko to stand up as well. "Quick! Into the kitchen!" He could faintly hear his father's shoes drop on the hard floor, it wouldn't be long now... "The kitchen?" Ryoko's face was puzzled for a second until she grinned like a cheshire cat. "Heh, sounds like hot fun!" She latterly grabbed Tenchi by the arm, dragging the poor boy into the next room. Tenchi slammed back-first into the refrigerator; In the heat of frenzy, Ryoko already had both arms around her lover's body. "Take it easy, Ryoko! My dad hates cooking, so there's no way he'd find us in here, unless-" Poor Tenchi, flailing around like a wounded bird, trying to get comfortable against Ryoko's advances. A few fridge magnets fell to the ground, hitting the wood floor and shattering their outer plastic covers. "I want you...NOW!" Ryoko reached out for Tenchi's already shredded collar, ripping down the front of her shirt with her claws. He was bare-chested in no time. "...but I have to make dinner!..." was the young voice in the living room. "CRAP!!!" Tenchi pushed the demon woman away with his arm, the other one already shirt closing his bare chest to Ryoko. "Come on, Ryoko!!" "But Tenchi!" There was no use in resisting, the two of them tangled out the back door into the laundry room. The two lovers to be crashed right into the washing machine, butt-first. The space pirate quickly boosted Tenchi onto the top of the machine. "Tenchi...I never dreamed it would be during...the spin cycle!" Ryoko tugged herself onto her man, pushing and prodding with her body. With another flick of the claws, Ryoko had Tenchi's pants unbuckled and off of his body. "...Ayeka! I need some towels from the dryer for dinner!..." "SHIIT!!!" Hot blood rushed to Tenchi's face, as he jumped off the laundry machines. He was naked save for his white briefs. "Upstairs now! My room!" said Tenchi, as he tugged again for Ryoko to follow. "As you say, master!" They managed to sneak around the other side of the staircase and race up the steps in record time to Tenchi's bedroom. The couple crashed into the room, quickly closing the bedroom door behind them. "Finally, its time...Tenchi." Ryoko grinned as she playfully pushed her man down onto his bed. "I always wanted it to happen here, you know." Tenchi gulped. "Geez, I've got this hole in the roof. And all this stuff on the bed, who knows when grandpa is coming back-" Ryoko smiled. "Tenchi...shut-up." Her clothes suddenly phased away, leaving nothing to imagination. Tenchi's eyes grew wide as he tried to swallow. In one sudden swoop, a very naked Ryoko was on top of her boxer-wearing Tenchi, like a lion after its prey. Second later, the briefs were off, and both of them were as naked as jaybirds. They kissed a few times in the throws of passion, tossing and turning on the bed. Sexually charged excitement turned to pure passion. Tenchi could no longer stand it, as he reached down for his member, he felt sudden dryness. Ryoko felt his sudden wilting. "Something wrong, Tenchi?" "Ummm..." He looked down onto the bed to find his bedspread covered in white. "its dry...stupid jar of baby powder on my bed." Ryoko winked. "Its your first time, Tenchi dear?" He blushed heavily, but Ryoko would have none of that. She reached across his body to the other side of the bed. "Now...here's some lotion....Why don't we try some of this?" Tenchi nodded as Ryoko got him all charged again. She applied the cream quickly, the cold application tingled at Ryoko's touch. They were in a very sensual position when they both realized that it wasn't lotion, but something much, much worse. "...Tenchi!! Ryoko!!...Dinnertime!!" "What do you mean, its *my* fault!" glared Ryoko. They were still attached at the waist, naked except for a couple of towels wrapped along their lower bodies. "I wasn't the one that had baby powder on my bed." "Oh, and its not like I have Vaseline by my bed all the time! What kind of man do you think I am, anyway!" "Well then, care to explain what your right hand is doing down there? Its frickin' stuck to the top of my leg!" huffed Ryoko. "Dammit, I needed guidance to get me in there! And that's not an excuse for your left hand either!" muttered Tenchi. "Does it have to be stuck to my balls!" "Oh yeah! Well you should be more careful! You were trying to put Ryo-ohki in the wrong spacedock!" bellowed Ryoko. "...Tenchi!!" was the familiar Sasami shout from downstairs again. "DAMN!" Tenchi cursed under his breath. He turned and faced the door as best as he could. "Sasami! I'm tied up! I'll be down in a minute!" "...OK!...Is Ryoko with you!!" "I'm...mmmph..." Tenchi quickly had his left hand clamped tightly around Ryoko's mouth. The space pirate struggled to get free a bit, but without success. "Quiet," whispered Tenchi, "Don't say another word, Ryoko. We don't need-" Heavy toned steps interrupted Tenchi's little speech. "...Tenchi! If you're with that monster woman, you going to pay dearly!" Ayeka's magnified voice was higher and angrier than her usual prissy self. "I am soooo out of here!" Ryoko swooped up right off the bed and through the bedroom wall. Unfortunately, poor Tenchi was still rather well attached, he smacked into the solid wall leaving an outline of his body in the plaster. "...ow..." commented Tenchi, rubbing his bruised head as he and Ryoko tumbled back onto his bed. "Oh shit," dropped Ryoko. "How do we get out of here!" *KNOCK* *KNOCK* *KNOCK* "You have 10 seconds to come out with that demon, otherwise I'm busting down the door!" "Just a minute!" chimed Tenchi, while silently motioning up to the ceiling with his chin. "Huh?" "We get out of here via the hole in the roof. Grandpa hasn't fixed it yet." whispered Tenchi. "Yea, great idea! I'm so used to going though walls..." Ryoko shot off like a rocket, with an attached Tenchi on her side. "Watch the edge!" Tenchi narrowly missed the edge of the hole, swerving his legs under Ryoko's own body. With some quick mid-air movements, the two of them were gone from his room in a flash. Seconds later, Ayeka busted down the door off its hinges. "Tenchi! Ryoko! Where are you two!" She saw Tenchi's used briefs on the floor and picked them up with the tips of her fingers. "Oh my! I wondered where Tenchi disappeared to!" "Weah! That was a close one." Tenchi sighed for a second while they leaned along the side of the house. "Yea, it sure was," answered Ryoko, still facing her lover to be. "Any ideas how were going to get out of this jam?" Ryoko's eyes were glassed over. "Well, I'm sure Washu is behind this rather sticky situation. I'm sure of it?" Tenchi face was puzzled. "How do you know that?" >From behind her back, Ryoko brought her right hand into view. At the end of her arm was the still attached jar of 'lubrication.' "Its stuck." Tenchi could see on the bottom of unlabeled jar was the familiar symbol of a crab. "Oh." The young Earthling just nodded his face downward. "Well, all we have to do is get to Washu's lab...Let's just run right into the house, scoot quickly through by the living room to get to the closet door. And maybe, no one will see us." Ryoko just snickered to Tenchi's plan. "Yea, right..." Tenchi immediately slumped even more in Ryoko's sticky grasp. "I guess it couldn't get any worse," answered the space pirate, her tone depressed as hell. "Hi Tenchi! Hello Ryoko!!" *Meya!!* "Mihoshi! Ryo-ohki!" The two of them were too stunned to say anything else. "I see you two are off to the onsen just like me!" The GP officer was also covered by a large towel. She was wearing no other clothes at all, save for a pair of pink open slippers. "I wasn't really hungry, so I figured it would be a good time for a bath." *Mya!!* Mihoshi patted the lackadaisical cabbit on her bare shoulder. "Ryo-ohki ate her dinner so quickly, the poor thing. A nice bath will make you feel better." She turned her attention back to Tenchi and Ryoko. "Oh, its going to be so nice to have company!" The space pirate scowled. "Errr...I'm not sure if we want any company at the moment," countered Ryoko. Tenchi held his head low, well knowing that Mihoshi didn't have a clue what was really going on. The blond bubbly officer crept closer to Ryoko's ear, almost whispering so Tenchi could not hear. "You know, Ryoko, you could be a little less forward-" "I am not making out with Tenchi!!" hollered the space pirate. "...No, I meant that this towel color you're wearing doesn't suit you at all! Here, let me-" "Don't touch her!" Tenchi's ended up grapping Mihoshi's arm for counter-balance, but the move was fruitless in the end. They collided, with several towels and one familiar bottle of glue were all tossed into the air. "Oh Tenchi!" The poor G.P. officer was naked as well, her front equality glued into the two lovers. "I never knew you were so forward!" "Get off of us!!" "But...I'm stuck!" bellowed the blond. "I mean, ...Tenchi...oh, this is so embarrassing!" Mihoshi immediately blushed into a deep shade of red. "I mean, I'm naked here, and-" "Knock it off, bubblehead. Tenchi was on my ass first, dammit!" Ryoko was steaming, clearly not having fun anymore. "But, Ryoko!" "And get those big breasts of yours out of Tenchi's face, otherwise-" "...Please! Ladies! Take it easy!" Tenchi tried to settle the scuffle by motioning shushing movements with his free left hand. "Now, we only have to get to Washu's lab, it shouldn't be too hard now!" He tried to reassure the two of them as they broke out in laughter. "I'm sorry..." nodded the G.P. officer, trying to calm herself. "Huh," ruffled the space pirate. ...*meya....* "Ryo-ohki?...Is that you?" Tenchi alertly raised his head at the cabbit's weak call. "Any of you see Ryo-ohki around here?" "Nope," countered Ryoko. "But she's here somewhere." "But I could swear Ryo-ohki was on my shoulder!" *meya....* Tenchi's ears pricked at the direction of the meyas from Ryo-ohki. "Mihoshi, turn your back toward me, I need to see behind it." "But...I can't move!" "He said LEAN OVER!!" Mihoshi got Ryoko's orders rather clearly as she leaned over for Tenchi to take a look. Spread out like a pancake, cabbit ears and all, was Ryo-ohki. She was pinned up on Mihoshi's back like a newly-placed sticker, her eyes glassed over from all the torture. "Poor Ryo-ohki, she's glued tight I'm afraid," said Tenchi. Nobuyuki peeked out his side master bedroom window at the commotion in the woods. Usually, it was an occasional bird or a hungry raccoon searing for leftover food. But when he spotted the scene below, his jaw nearly dropped right through the floor. "Oh Shit!! That Tenchi! Not one but two girls! Oh, I'd never thought he'd ever hook up with one of them! And there he goes, having a ménage-a-trios behind by back-" He threw up his fist into the air, all happy and celebratory. "My boy! He's fulfilling the ultimate male fantasy for all Masaki's!" Nobuyuki quickly ducked under the window sill again, this time bringing a video camera to bare on the three naked ones. "It's always been my job as his father to document all important family moments. I can't think of a better time to record some history." With those words, Tenchi's dad was sniffling and tearing. "I'm so proud of you, son!" "Shhhh...." whispered Tenchi, as the mass group of flesh snuck thought the downstairs hallway toward Washu's closet lab. "...I can't understand where Tenchi and Ryoko are. They usually come down to dinner right away..." "...no matter Sasami, when I find out what those two were up two, I'm sure they will have a very good explanation." Tenchi could well make out Ayeka's tapping hands on the kitchen counter over scrubbing of the dinner dishes. He gulped, not wanting for any more of this to be true. The three of them (and one cabbit, we might add) managed to quietly sneak by and get the lab door open. The whole group sighed as the disappeared from hallway. With one heave, the happy glued group poured in an uncontrollable roll, right down the center of Washu's lab. They rolled, screaming along the way, right into the back of Washu's chair. "Oh, hello there!" Washu turned around from her sitting position, dressed in her familiar nurses outfit. "...uggghhhg...." A four members of the naked group were in more of shock than anything else. Washu was as cool as a cucumber. "You know, Tenchi, you could have warned me before trying to mess around with two ladies and a cabbit." Tenchi blushed red in embarrassment. "But...but...Washu!" She stretched out one of her plastic gloves, letting it *click* back on her skin. "But I thought you weren't into that furry stuff." "Dammit Washu! I was only trying to get Ryoko laid!" shot back Tenchi. The red-headed scientist just smiled. "I think I'm going to be sick," murmured Ryoko. The red-headed scientist sat up from her swirl chair. "I can see immediately that my super-super Washu glue is the real culprit! You kids are so immature, just like me...from a couple of weeks ago!" The rest of the group face-faulted. "Cut it out, Washu!" bawled Tenchi, "is there any why you're going to help us?" "Well, my promiscuous one, of course there is!" Washu was furiously typing away at the holo-keyboard in front of her. "Almost done...now!" Her last keystrokes were followed by a large rumbling from the floor, as steel slid away to reveal a wading pool of smoky purple liquid. The water darkly churned around like a hot tub, expect instead of clear and white, the water was dark and menacing. "Ooooh, hot tub," bubbled the blond G.P. officer. "That...looks...scary...Washu!" peeped Tenchi. "Oh, cut it out, Tenchi." Ryoko was already dipping her foot into the forbidden liquid. "See, its harmless...take a look here..." Tenchi was getting a closer look - as he did, his face turned green. "I'm not going...waaaiii!" *SPLASH!!!* Where the glued crew was standing, was Washu with her hands outstretched. "Heh, I always wanted to dunk my daughter and son-in-law!" *Meya!!* The newly freed and happy cabbit was already out of the pool, shaking her fur to get dry. Right behind her was Mihoshi, taking a towel from the side of the wading pool, getting comfortable on the edge of the water. "I'm so glad that I'm free, Ryo-ohki!" *miya meya!* However, Tenchi and Ryoko were not as merry. "Dammit Ryoko, you can get off of me now!" "Don't you think I'm trying?" Ryoko was pushing with all her might against Tenchi's soft body. He squirmed for a slightly better position, this time swishing Tenchi's face flat with the butt of her palms. "...rap!!" Tenchi couldn't talk too well, but the thrashing of the water was a clear enough sign that they were not coming apart. "Little Washu! What's going on!" questioned Mihoshi, chewing the edge of the towel at the same time. Washu kneeled next to the small pool, inquisitively looking for clues. "My goodness, why didn't I think of that!" She tugged at her neck, where a lifeguard whistle suddenly appeared. *ppufffffttttt*!!! The fighting couple stopped trying to separate each other immediately. "You know," announced Washu. "You two are like a couple of love birds already." They both glared back at the scientist. "Shut-up, Washu! What the hell is wrong now" "Anyway, you two have a little bit of a problem." She sighed passively. "Didn't think it was going to come up, but you two are still in coitus, right?" Ryoko and Tenchi blushed beet red. "Ah, thought so!!" Washu seemed to smile even more. Mihoshi was poking Washu's shoulder for a second. "Oh, this is so awkward...but Washu...ummm...what's coitus?" Washu's jaw dropped. "You don't know!!" Mihoshi slowly nodded a no. "Buns are in the oven? The car is in the garage! The train is in the tunnel!" Mihoshi continued to nod her head. "Aaaaaaagh!!" Ryoko motioned for the blond to lean over. Quietly, she whispered a few words into Mihoshi's ear. Tenchi managed to pick up a few key words... "Now, you remember when we went out...ordered sake...Ayeka..." Mihoshi's eyes lit up like dinner plates. "Uh-huh...uh-huh...ohhhhhh!" The girls quietly laughed a bit as they exchanged a couple of more words. Tenchi just sulked some more into the dark water. *ppppsssttt!* Washu blew her whistle again. "Now, listen carefully, boys and girls - because I'm only going to repeat this once." Her words got the attention of the glued-up couple. "During your coitus-" Mihoshi giggled a bit under her breath. *...meya!..." Washu shot the cabbit a dirty look but continued. "At the moment of coitus, Mr. Masaki was 'excited' to say at least." Everyone else nodded. "When you need to open that jar of jam from the fridge, you run the metal top under hot sink water, expanding it so it goes *pop.* Well...Ryoko has to do the same thing for Tenchi - and get his baby all hot and *bothered!*" If the couple was beet red before, they were now the darkest shade of blood red ever imagined. "Washu!!! ARE YOU CRAZY!!!" Mihoshi couldn't take it anymore, and had passed out right on the lab floor. "She's fine, by the way, " said Washu. "But hey, I don't make the rules...but it is a way..." Tenchi turned back to Ryoko and groaned. "Figures your mom would get off on us..." "Let's get this over with," spat Ryoko, "I've surprisingly had no fun being glued up with a carrot up my ass..." Tenchi tried to respond, but Ryoko had pushed him back into a leaning position on the side of the pool. "Now relax, Tenchi...close your eyes." Tenchi tried to think back a couple of hours from before. He let his muscles become loose as he leaned on a towel outside of the pool. Ryoko was being gentle, he could feel Ryoko's nails from both her hands along his nape of his back. He was entering heat again, the Jurai prince was certainly becoming more and more excited. He then felt more arms grace across his across his stomach to between his legs, as he sank into deeper exhilaration. "Wait a minute..." as a thought interrupted Tenchi, "a third hand?" And then he opened his eyes. "WASHU!!!!" Tenchi slumped down on his bed, still soaking wet from running out of the scientist's lab. He was exhausted from everything. It was well past his bedtime, in fact it was past 1am. Certainly everyone else in the household was asleep for the night. He groaned again. Another 5 hours until he had to get up and weed the carrot gardens. He just wanted to go to sleep as he tucked himself in. *SLAM!!!!* "Tenchi!!!" It was Ayeka, her eyes bloodshot beyond any type of recognizeation. "I went downstairs to get a glass of water, and that dirty old man of a father was half asleep on the TV couch with his pants pulled down!" Fuck, thought Tenchi, what freakin' hentai show was he watching now! "And," continued Ayeka, "that piece of shit was watching this videotape!" Ayeka was held out one of Nobuyuki's camcorder tapes, with yesterday's date clearly scratched on the label. "Let's see what filth he was watching, shall we!" "OH NOOOOOO!!!!!" ----------- Yea, Yea...Flame away! I hope you MST this sucker! ^_^ - Incantrix incantrix@dreamclouds.com