AnimePort#9 MST. MST#10 MST Special #2: “Of Limes And Lemons.” DISCLAIMER: My following apologies to the following people and/or companies for borrowing and/or creating parodies of their characters, and stories; Rumiko Takahashi, VIZ video, AnimEigo, Pioneer LDC, AIC, U.S. MANGA corps, Kosuke Fujishima, Nintendo, Creatures Inc., GAME FREAK Inc., Best Brains Productions, a bunch of anime companies and writers that I do not know personally, My third grade math teacher, and all others who would be insulted by this MST (Original FanFic writer, optional.). ……………………………………………………………………………………………………………… Somewhere in the vastness of the multiverse, there is a certain focal point of the worlds. A place where our reality and those of our favorite comic books meet, and are able to cross. At this place was constructed a huge station, technically advanced in ways that surpass even the most futuristic of realities. In this place research is conducted on the fictional stories that are created by the ever adoring fans of the comics. FAN-FICTIONS. One man from our reality, a sponsor of the station, has been given the task of leading the research on the stories, by bringing together the most unique group of people from the anime realms. The place is “AnimePort#9”. These are the reviews. . . _____________________________________________________________________________________ Technical note: MST’d by the following group of people and/or characters. PETER SUZUKI. PRISS ASAGIRI. RANMA SAOTOME. AYEKA JURAI. Documentation made by the following; B-KO DAITOKUJI. Special guest appearance by; XELLOSS METALLIUM. Begin recording of research documentation. ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ It is nigh time at the station, and the MST group is huddled around a lava lamp, each next to their sleeping bags. Ayeka is wearing her most modest nightgown, and occasionally snacks from the bag of potato chips she has beside her. Priss is dressed in one of her more baggier motorcycle jumpers, and is eating one of the five hamburgers she currently has next to her sleeping bag. She seems, as usual, to be very unhappy about something. Ranma was in female form, and dressed in her oh so stylish, fish cake print, pajamas. Ranma had several bags of snack mix around her, half of them empty. B-ko was also in the group, dressed in her ‘I love C-ko’ pajamas, and was occasionally eating from the bag of ‘Snack-Crackers’ she had in front of her. And Peter was dressed in his regular clothes, minus shoes and socks, reading from his “Steam Detectives” graphic novel, and eating from a small box labeled ‘Hamdingers’. “Priss, Truth Or Dare.” Said Ayeka. “I don’t wanna play this.” Muttered Priss. “Truth.” “What was the most embarrassing thing that ever happened to you?” Priss put her hand up to her chin, in an obviously sarcastic thoughtful pose. “Most embarrassing time? Hmmm . . . Well that would have to be the time that the transporters on the station broke down, so I ended up being stuck on the station, and was forced to be in a stupid slumber party, and play Truth Or Dare, until the damn things were fixed the next morning. Hey! Wait a minute! That happened right now!” “Thank you Miss Groucho.” Quipped Ranma. “All right, my turn.” said Priss. “Peter, Truth or Dare.” “Truth.” Said Peter, not taking his eyes off of the manga he was reading. “You like ‘Hamdingers’, you don’t hate ‘Tenchi In Tokyo’ with a passion, you think Rini was the best of the Sailor Scouts, you don’t hate the censorship of ‘Dragonball Z’, you actually liked ‘Crystal Pepsi’, you preferred Mike Nelson over Joel Hodgson, you have one of the most perverted minds to ever walk this earth yet you never try to pick up girls, and Amelia is your favorite character in ‘Slayers’. Why?” Peter placed a bookmark in the manga he was reading, and took a deep breath. “They don’t taste that bad, the first few episodes WERE funny, I said she was the cutest not the best, it’s great for jokes, like with the ‘Hamdingers’ it didn’t taste that bad, Mike’s just funnier in my opinion, I’m not that kind of pervert, and Amelia is in my opinion one of the most adorable girls I have ever seen in anime. There, you happy now?” Everyone else gets large sweatdrops on the back of their heads. Peter then looks up at the camera, and notices it is on. “Hey guys, I think we’re on the air.” The others stare at the camera. “GAH!!” Ayeka, B-ko, and Priss all cover themselves up. “Oh come on!” Said Ranma. “You’re all dressed. What’s the big deal?” B-ko marches off to get her lab coat, Ayeka wraps a bed sheet (She had one in her sleeping bag, go figure.), and Priss just looks more angry. “You better erase this from the tape, B-ko!!!” yelled Priss. “Yeah, yeah. I hear you!” said B-ko, now covered in her lab coat. “You know that this means, don’t you?” said Peter. “Incoming Fic.” said everyone else. “I’ll get the projector ready.” Said B-ko, entering into the control booth. “You’d think that we’d have at least THIS time off.” Grumbled Priss. “Ah, compared to what we did last time, this’ll be a breeze.” Said Ranma. “I DO however wish that the hot water was working, though.” “Yeah, cold coffee isn’t much fun.” Commented Peter, getting up. “Hey, anybody seen my shoes?” “They are with your socks at the other end of the room, warding off evil spirits.” Said Ayeka, pointing to the pair of Velcro shoes at the other end of the lounge. “Har-har-har. Not funny.” Deadpanned Peter, as he went to retrieve his footwear. B-ko stuck her head out of the control booth. “Hey, Peter!” “What?!” said Peter, off camera. “Two of the Fics are from Kthardin!” said B-ko. There was the sound of a bazooka being loaded. “Yeah, I knew that would get your attention.” B-ko reentered into the control booth. Ayeka, Priss, and Ranma all got large sweatdrops on the back of their heads. Just then, the signal to start, blared. *I’M THE GOD!!!!! I’M THE GOD!!!!! AH-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA!!!!!* Peter and the crew all scramble into the theater. ======================================================= (The MST group enters into the theater. Four seats lay at its center. The seating of the group from left to right is Ayeka, Ranma, Priss, and Peter.) AYEKA: I hope we get a chance to change into our regular clothes, after this is over. RANMA: I hope I just get a chance to ‘change’. PRISS: Hey! B-ko! B-KO(from the control booth): You B-ko’ed. PRISS: How many fics are we doing, today? B-KO: I don’t know. A lot more than usual, as far as I can tell. PETER: Something tells me that this is going to be a REALLY long night. >Subject: Spamfic: Why Tokimi REALLY wants Tsunami and Washuu RANMA: Hey, Peter. Isn’t this . . . PETER: Yeah, this is written by K’thardin. >Date: Tue, 20 Jul 1999 23:13:13 -0700From: "K'thardin" PETER: Boooooo!! > Reply-To: tenchi@ML.usagi.orgTo: > >We haven't had a spamfic in awhile have we? PRISS: So why ruin a perfectly good record now? >--------------------- ALL(singing): On the road again! Just can’t wait to get on the road again! . . . >Hmm...I think I will blame Happosai for this one. Naa...I know I'll >blame Happosai for this one! AYEKA: It is impolite to blame others for your own mistakes. >You suggested it first and now I STILL >can't get the damn thing out of my head. ^_^ RANMA: WE gave him the idea? PETER: No, I think he’s talking to Happosai. >This is very ecchi folks. Lime at least. >Yes friends it is yet, PETER: A Putrid Piece Of Garbage! >Another Reason Why Tokimi Wants Washuu and Tsunami >Guest starring Cyraqs and Tenchi AYEKA: Me thinks Peter got it right on the head. And why is Lord Tenchi GUEST starring? OTHERS: I don’t know. >(you can yell DOH! now ^_^) ALL: D’OH! (singing) A dear! A female dear! RAY! A drop of golden suuuuun! . . . >------------------------------------ PRISS: This Fic has a pest problem. Look at all the ants! >Yes, they were hers now. PETER: She always wanted those ‘Binky The Clown’ mugs. >Those two of her sisters who had left her, and >so had betrayed her. RANMA(announcer): Next, on Jerry Springer: Those two sisters who left, and betrayed the third, and the people who loved them. >Damn them! They would pay dearly for their mistake of going against her >wishes. AYEKA(Tokimi): I wanted the ‘Yellow’ sun dress, for my birthday! >Yes, there was Tsunami burning and seething impotently PETER & RANMA: . . . . . . . >in a barrier of >Tokimi's superior Light Hawk Force. RANMA: Tokimi has superior Light Hawk Force? (D3’s head momentarily materializes over the MST group’s heads.) D3: YES SHE DOES. (And D3 then disappears just a quickly, leaving the MST group with large sweatdrops on the backs of their heads.) >She still had her fire, t'would be >all the more satisfying when she broke that spirit she had. PRISS: Well that made no sense. >There too >was Washuu...unconscious, but stirring. She too, would feel Tokimi's >wrath for daring what they did! >What they did! PETER: The joy buzzer on the toilet seat was okay, the ‘spontaneous combustion’ panties were a LITTLE funny after the burns healed, but the mayonnaise in the sock drawer was unforgivable! (The other group members stare nervously at Peter.) What? RANMA: Uh, Peter. Why would she have socks? I don’t think she even has feet. (Priss and Ayeka now stare nervously at Ranma.) Well, you never see em! >It had been surprisingly easy taking them; a simple offer to blow something >up had distracted Cyraqs. PRISS(Cyraqs, excitedly): You mean it!? You’re not lying to me like last time, are you?! RANMA(Cyraqs): Ooh! Pretty colors! >As for Tenchi...heh, all she did then was >flash her breasts. AYEKA: HEY!!! >He predictably went down for the count. RANMA(SFII announcer): K. O. !!!! PETER(Tenchi, as one of the SFII characters being beaten): AuughAuughauugh . . . . >The rest >were fairly easy as well, no troubles there. AYEKA: Well, there was that carrot at the top of the stairs, that sent her falling down them. PRISS: “Evil Susami” strikes again!! >Such weak protectors, and now it has cost them. >Groggily Washuu opened her eyes, PRISS(Washuu): Oh man! I had the strangest dream. I dreamt that I was in a stupid, perverted Fic, where I was kidnapped by someone who didn’t have feet, and . . . Oh poo. It wasn’t a dream. >and after a time managed to focus them >on her captor. "Lady Tokimi, I presume?" PETER: Correct as usual, King Friday. ><> AYEKA: Evidently, she feels that she is too good for quotation marks. >she replied in barely contained rage. RANMA: Down, rage! Down! Heel! Sit! Stay! >"So what do you want with me?" ><First I will restore your memory...then you'll know!>> >A feeling of something...pulling things in her head, AYEKA(Washuu): Hey! Let go of that! Those things are mine! >filtered through >Washuu's consciousness and then memories began filtering in, one by one. >"Oh...so, I guess I'm your sister, huh?" ><> PETER(Tokimi): I finally beat your old score on Tetris! PRISS(Washuu): Noooooo!!! How could you!?!?! >"Umm, so what do you want with us again?" (Ayeka, Ranma, and Priss all pull out drums. Peter pulls out a pair of symbols.) AYEKA: *BA!* RANMA: *DA!* PRISS: *BUMP!* PETER: *CRISH!* >"Yeah! Why have you conquered countless dimensions, and amasses this >enormous power? ALL: Because she can! >Why do you want us so badly?" Tsunami asked. PETER: Unless you missed the lime warning at the beginning, this should be obvious. >Tokimi turned from them, shoulders slumped, and body trembling. <you don't know...>> she told them quietly. RANMA(Tokimi): I really loved that yellow sun dress . . . >"NO! WE DON'T KNOW, THAT'S WHY WE ARE ASKING!" The two >captives said together. ALL: WAH-Wah-waaaaaaah . . . . >After Tokimi picked herself up from her facefault, stalked toward them, >her previous anger nothing compared to this. RANMA: She’s ALMOST to ‘Akane’ level! ><> >Washuu and Tsunami nodded, "Because?" ><> >"Uh huh?" PETER(Tokimi): Uh . . . I forgot. >Suddenly the goddess collapsed to her knees, crying her little heart out. ><> (Everyone face faults. In the distance, a cow is heard.) *mooooooo!* AYEKA(getting back into her seat): Ladies and gentlemen, all characterization has now been removed from the story. All of the main characters are now out of character. >And just as suddenly the force RANMA: was no longer with them. >around the other two vanished leaving the other two free to move. Tsunami >moved to embrace Tokimi, >followed closely by Washuu. PETER(horse race announcer): And as they turn around the bend, Tsunami’s in the lead by a nose . . . RANMA(wrestling announcer): And they got her in the double bear hug! Looks like they’re going for their infamous ‘Double Suplex’ maneuver! >Tsunami held her close. "Oh...I'm sorry. I never realized..." >"Nor did I." Washuu added. ><> ALL(singing): Oh I’m so sad and loooooooonley! . . . >Tsunami shushed her by placing a finger on Tokimi's lips. "I'm sorry. Here >...let us try to make it better." With that, Tsunami kissed Tokimi >full on the lips, slipping her tongue inside the other goddess's mouth, AYEKA: I repeat, they are now out of character . . . >while Washuu was busy undoing Tokimi's clothing. ><> ALL: O_o > O_o ALL: Face stealer!! >Out in the corridor Tenchi had finally caught up with Cyraqs who was >taking care of the final enemy, and Tokimi's bitch boy, D3. PETER: He’s a floating disembodied head! Is he really THAT hard to describe!? >"Smell it! Smell it! Smell it!" he shouted while holding the floating >head under his armpit. RANMA: He must have some armpits then, cause D3’s about a hundred feet wide. >He released D3 after a second, and watched the >desiccated head floated for a second, PRISS: “desiccated”? Someone’s been going through their thesaurus, while writing this. >choking incoherently even in >obvious death, before a flock of angels took him away, as hell had >already been served unto him. RANMA(Stan): Oh my god! He killed D3!! PETER(Kyle): You bastard!! PRISS: Hey! I do the South Park jokes, remember!? RANMA & PETER: Sorry. >"Isn't that technique a bit cruel to use, even on the enemy?" Tenchi asked. >Cyraqs sniffed his underarms PRISS: and was dead before he even hit the ground. PETER: And there was much rejoicing! ALL(singing): Celebrate good times! Come on!!! . . . >. "Not for another couple of days." Tenchi >sweatdropped. "Anyway, we must now be off to the chamber beyond to >rescue the fair goddess, to whom the other fair goddess has encaptured! RANMA(Cyraqs as Kuno): For I am the Blue Thunder of Furinkan High! >" "Is that a word?" Tenchi asked deadpan. AYEKA: I thought he was talking to Cyraqs, not ‘deadpan’. >"Got me, but it sounded cool." RANMA(deadpan): Ha-ha-ha. What a Cyraq-up. >With that the two cosmic beings >approached the throne room. PETER(narrator): Oh, and so did Tenchi and Cyraqs. >Cyraqs, for once opting to simply open a door without caving it in, AYEKA: I once again repeat, they are out of character. >cracked open the door, and peeked in side. AYEKA(Cyraqs): Tsunami? PETER(ditto): Washuu? >He looked. RANMA(Cyraqs): Tokimi? PRISS(ditto): Kagato? >And looked. PETER: Mr. Haney? PRISS: Evil one? RANMA: Akane? AYEKA: Mommy? >And looked. AYEKA: Leviathan? PRISS(demonic): Lisa? RANMA: Chief? PETER: McCloud! >And kept on looking. AYEKA(English accent): He seeks them here, he seek them there, he seeks those ras’qules everywhere! (My apologies to MST3K for using that bit, as it WILL probably happen again. ^_^;) >Tenchi shook him a bit. PRISS(Stewie Griffin from “Family Guy”): Shake him, damnit!! Shake him like a British nanny!!! >"What's going on? Aren't we going to storm >the place and save them?" >Cyraqs, adopting an unreadable expression to his face, RANMA: Aw, isn’t that cute. It has his face. PRISS: Make up your mind. Is it cute, or does it have his face? >not so different >from the usual (except for the twitching left eye) PETER(singing): Come on baby! Let’s do the twitch! . . . OTHERS(covering ears): Stop singing!!! >, closed the door >quietly. He then turned to face his young companion. "They don't need >saving." He then pulled a cigarette from nowhere. Lighting it, he began >putting up a cloud of smoke that would have put the sixties to shame. PRISS: Ready . . . Aim . . . FIRE!!! (Everyone makes gun shooting noises.) >"What do you mean, they don't need saving?!" AYEKA: Exactly what you think it means! >"Oh my...sister," That sounded like Tsunami. AYEKA(pleading): Please do not make this story a cross over with that series! RANMA: You know, they do sort of remind me of Urd, Skuld, and Belldandy. PETER: The sad part is, there HAVE been “Oh My Goddess” lemons that have this kind of content. >"Cyraqs is out there. So >is Tenchi." PRISS: This can’t be good. >She sounded like she was purring as a matter of fact. (Ranma jumps out of his seat.) RANMA: GAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!! OTHERS(to Ranma): IT’S NOT A CAT, SO SIT DOWN, AND SHUT UP!!!! >"One >is very good at what he does, and the other is inexperienced, AYEKA: You were right, Priss. This can not be good. >and will be >lots of fun to play with. What do you think?" ALL(giving the OK hand sign): It STINKS!! >"Oh I agree!" That one sounded like Washuu, right before she was >attempting a sample extraction. PETER: Run away!!! Run away!!! ><> That one sounded really excited, and >very very sensual for some odd reason. RANMA(English accent): Tokimi, we hardly knew ye. >Tenchi surmised that one was >probably Tokimi. Of course...that was when his fathers DNA decided to >beat him upside the head with a 100lb weight, PRISS: and knocked him unconscious. >and after a couple of >minutes it finally clicked. PRISS: Thus arming the bomb, and destroying the universe. AYEKA: Priss . . . PRISS: What? OTHERS: Shut up. >"Are they..?" Tenchi began. RANMA(Tenchi): In a really bad lemon scene? >"Oh Cyraqs," Tsunami called out in singsong. "Bring Tenchi in with >you...it's so much fun!" >Cyraqs looked at Tenchi intently. "Tenchi..." >"Yes?" >"RUN!" ALL(slight southern accents): Run, Tenchi!!! Run!!! B-KO(from the control booth): Okay, break time! MST GROUP: YAAAAY!!! (The MST group exits the theater.) ======================================================= Cue to the main lounge, where Peter is in a heated argument with Ayeka and Ranma. “No, no, NO!! There is absolutely no way any of you are going to convince me that Cyraqs is a significant character!” Said Peter. “He is so.” Argued Ayeka. “You said yourself that there are many people in the fan fiction community that know of him.” “Not that they had a choice.” Muttered Peter. “Look man. We’ve been researching about this guy for the last two minutes, and we already have a bunch of information on him.” Said Ranma. “This guy went through a lot, before and after he was being used in fan fics. We made a few charts of it. Hey, Priss! Could ya hand me those charts that are next to you?” Said charts land with a *thunk* at Ranma’s feet. “Thanks. I think.” Ranma holds the charts. “So you got a few charts about him. Big deal.” Said Peter. “Look. There is some rather interesting information included here.” Said Ayeka, as she helped switch the charts that Ranma was holding up. “First off, Cyraqs has been the main focus of K’thardin’s ‘Heaven And Eternity’ series, as well as ‘The Powers That Be’. He also has a major role in the epic, yet undeniably flawed, ‘Warriors of Magic’ series, and several bit parts in various other stories.” “So?” “Ah, but we have not even begun to get into his parts in movies BEFORE he became a Fan Fiction character!” “Uh . . . .” Peter developed a large sweatdrop on the back of his head. “Many people do not know about his career as both stunt double, and stand in, for various movies. Such as his part in the acclaimed movie ‘The Man Without A Face’, and the attempted nineteen ninety two remake of ‘The Elephant Man’. He also was used as the basis for the image of the Beast, in Disney’s ‘Beauty and The Beast’. His mannerisms were eventually made into the basic dialogue plot for the movie ‘Ten Things I Hate About You’. He also had a bit part in the movie ‘There’s Something About Mary’, where he played as the mean little dog. And of course, we can not forget his first movie role as the doomed astronaut in ‘The Crawling Hand’. Why, just his parts as the stand in, for the hunter in the movie ‘Predator Two’, are still spoken about by his employers from time to time.” “Wowsers!” said Peter “I never realized the boon he was to the acting community.” “Yeah, studios all over the world save billions of dollars, using him to play the parts of movie monsters, rather than using makeup on actors.” Said Ranma. Just then, the signal to start, blared. *LIONS AND TIGERS AND BEARS, OH MY!!!* “Oh no! We got Fic sign!” Shouted Peter. The MST group rushed into the theater. The charts momentarily hanging in mid air, before falling to the ground. ======================================================= (The MST group once again takes its usual spots in the theater.) AYEKA: Oh poo! The story is already starting! PRISS: Oh crap! We got here in time to see the Fic! RANMA: Oh nuts! I don’t have a line for this bit! PETER: Oh corn hobble! I don’t have one either! >TENCHI MUYO IN LUST PRISS(sarcastic): Gee. I wonder if this is a lemon? >By Karmin "Trakal" StJean RANMA: Isn’t that the author who keeps writing all those Fics about Operative A? PETER: Yup. >(Trakal@map.com) >------------------------------------ AYEKA(actor): Oh dash it all. I- . . . LINE! >Tenchi, Ayeka, and Ryoko sat watching one of Tenchi's father's >films. RANMA(Tenchi showing slide shows): And here’s my dad and my mom at Mt. Fuji . . . And here’s my dad falling off of Mt. Fuji . . . And here’s my mom laughing at my dad falling off of Mt. Fuji . . . And here’s- PETER & PRISS (Ayeka and Ryoko): Zzzzzz . . . AYEKA(annoyed): Now cut that out!! >Sasami and Ryo-Ohki were off >visitting Tenchi's baby cousin Taro for a few days so they PETER: broke out the porn! OTHERS: Peter!! PETER: What? >pretty >much had the house to themselves. On the screen, a beautiful >Japanese girl was enjoying a thorough and loving tongue-bath from a >handsome young Japanese man. (Ayeka, Ranma, and Priss all get large sweatdrops on the back of their heads.) RANMA: Oh my god! Peter was right!! PETER(Dr. Forrester): I’m a naughty boy! Naughty!! Naughty!! Naughty!!! (Priss backhands Peter.) *WHAM!!* AYEKA & RANMA: Thanks, Priss. PRISS: No problem. >They were both in their late teens >and both seemed to be enjoying themselves. It was clear from their >smiles and relaxed attitude that they were both in love and the movie >had more of a romantic aspect to it than a sexual one. PETER(rubbing his nose): Neah right. >"Your father >filmed this?" "Yeah." Tenchi said, feeling a bit aroused by the movie. PETER: It’s bad when you’re watching your parents getting it on. It’s WORSE when you’re getting aroused by it. AYEKA: For once, we agree with you on that comment. >"Dad always was a bit hentai. Still you have to admit, it was pretty >sneaky of him to film himself with mom like this." PRISS: Yeah, you’d think she’d notice the huge camera facing her. >"You mean that >girl is your mom?" RANMA: Uh, I think that’s pretty obvious. >"Yeah." Tenchi admitted. >"She looked so young >and slim." PRISS: And her son inherited all of her body tone. AYEKA(outraged): PRISS!!! >"Of course she did." Tenchi shouted at Ryoko AYEKA: With absolutely no exclamation marks. >. "She hadn't >been pregnant yet." "Oh. Well excuse me." Ryoko huffed. On the >screen, Achika was about to mount the youthful Nobuyuki PETER(Achika): Giddyap, horsy!! OTHERS: Peter!! PETER: What? >when she >suddenly vanished from sight. RANMA: Don’t ya just hate it when that happens? >"Oh man! That had to be frustrating!" >Ryoko sympathized. "What the...?" Tenchi protested as his body >started to flicker. PETER(Tenchi as the Wicked Witch of the West): ARRRGH!! I’M FADING!!! I’M FADING!!! WHATTA WORLD!!! WHATTA WORLD!!! (The others stare at him, nervously.) What? >Suddenly, he was swept up across the room and >into the wall RANMA(wrestling announcer): and then he was put into a choke hold, and suplexed into the mat! Ooh God! That’s gotta hurt! Now he’s taking a mega-elbow to the collar bone and- (Ayeka and Priss both hit Ranma over her head {she’s still presently female, remember}.) *THUD!* *WHACK!* OW! What did ya do that for!?!? PRISS(warningly): That’s it! No more WCW for you!! >. "I'm not too late for the orgy am I?" A manic voice >asked from behind the sofa. PETER: ARRRGH!! The dust bunnies have mutated!!! Run away!!! Run away!!! >They turned to see Washu step out from behind the sofa. >"The problem is back in the past." Washu told them. AYEKA: No, the problem is right now. Lord-Tenchi is disappearing, you see. >"And here is the proof." Washu showed them the part of the film >where Achika had vanished. "She's gone!" Ayeka exclaimed in >alarm. "Achika's vanished." RANMA: It took her NOW to realize that? AYEKA: Hey! I, uh, I mean SHE did not know of it, ahead of time. >"Many years ago something terrible >happened." Washu explained. PETER(Washu): Someone made a lemon parody of “Tenchi Muyo In Love”. >"Tenchi's conception was interrupted. >As a result, the Masaki family died out." PRISS: With Yosho’s track record? Yeah right. AYEKA(angrily): Hey!! PRISS: What? It’s the truth. He’s not even your brother in this universe. AYEKA: He is still Jurian royalty, and deserves more respect than that! >"Isn't there something we >can do?" Ryoko asked. "There is one thing. We have to go back and >make sure that Nobuyuki and Achika mate." Washu surmised. "If >they don't mate, Tenchi will never be born." RANMA: And that’s a bad thing? AYEKA(angrily to Ranma): OF COURSE IT IS!!!! RANMA(fearfully): GAH!! I’m sorry!! I’m sorry!! >**** PRISS: Four stars? Maybe two and a half, at most. Not four. >Kiyone let out a >yelp of pain as the vibrator went in too deeply. "MIHOSHI!!" She >wailed. (Ayeka, Priss, and Ranma all groan.) PETER: Oh come on. It’s not that bad. AYEKA: Says you. >"Oops. Sorry." Mihoshi whimpered. "I guess you'll have to >punish me?" She asked, hopefully. RANMA: Peter, how can you enjoy something THIS stupid!? PETER: Brazenly. ^_^ >Kiyone grinned. "It's beginning to >look that way." Kiyone said as she bent down to retrieve the whip >from her toy chest. As she was bending over, she felt a stiff plastic >cock thrust up into her. PETER(Kiyone): Mihoshi! Can’t you wait for ONE minute!? >Looking around, she saw Ryoko standing >there wearing a strap on dildo. RANMA(Ryoko): Hi. I hope I’m not barging in, on anything important. >"Ryoko!" She gasped. "Time for you >to cum." Ryoko declared, triumphantly. PETER(English accent): And thrust! And thrust! Parry! Thrust! . . . OTHERS(flatly): We get the point, Peter. >Kiyone cried out in orgasm >as Ryoko pounded her with the plastic penis. RANMA: Won’t Nagi be mad about Ryoko sleeping around like that? AYEKA: Ranma! Not you to!! >**** PETER: I think that deserves at least five. AYEKA & PRISS(to Peter): Shut up. >A short while >later, when all the girls were satisfied for the moment, they all found >themselves strapped into what looked like a carnival ride. PETER(Nurse Washu): Now time to extract some ‘samples’. OTHERS: PETER!!! WOULD YOU CUT IT OUT ALREADY!!! YOU’RE MAKING THE FIC WORSE!!! PETER(Nurse Washu): Aw, come on guys. I got ‘magic fingers’. ^_^ OTHERS: WE SAID, SHUT UP!!! PETER(pouting): You’re no fun at all. >"Now that >you've got that out of your systems, PRISS: I think there’s a bad pun hidden in there, somewhere. >I'm going to send you back in >time to make sure Tenchi's father mates with Tenchi's mother." PETER: You gotta put the pee-pee in the pee-pee hole. It’s easy! AYEKA: What is with you today, Peter? You are even more perverted than usual. PETER: I just feel it, today. >Washu explained. "Couldn't you think of a more romantic term?" >Tenchi protested. "They're not Pandas, they're my parents." RANMA: Hey! My dad’s a panda!! PRISS(to Ranma): Why are you defending your dad? RANMA: I got some family pride, ya know. >"Okay, >okay." Washu sighed. "Well, time to accellarate" PETER(Darth Helmet): Take it to ‘Ludicrous Speed’!! >"You can't be >serious!" Tenchi protested. "This is already crushing my dick as it >is!" PETER: And there was much rejoicing! ALL(bored): Yaaay. >Washu made the machine go faster. (Everyone starts humming carnival ride music.) >**** PRISS: The pass word includes the letters “F” and “K”. PETER(Sesame Street announcer): And the number “2”. (The others stare at him nervously.) What? >Ryoko didn't like >dressing up as a waitress, RANMA: but she would do anything to turn Tenchi on. (Hit over the head, by Ayeka.) *THUD!* OW! >but she found she had no choice. The first >place Achika and Nobuyuki would go was bound to be a romantic >restaurant. PETER: Well now, I wouldn’t say that. AYEKA: What would you say? PETER: I would say “Flaming Banana Art”. (The other group members stare at him nervously, but do not say anything.) >Achika and Nobuyuki walked into the restaurant, just as >Washu predicted. Ryoko made her way toward them when the >manager stopped her. "See to that young man over there." he said, >pointing to an attractive chestnut-haired young man sitting at a booth >in the corner reading a menu. PRISS(manager): Kill him. >Ryoko sighed and went over to the boy. >"May I take your order?" She asked, keeping her eyes on Achika and >Nobuyuki. "What's the special?" He asked, eyeing the pretty pirate's >cleavage. PETER(Ryoko): Melons. PRISS(ditto): And smashed bananas. PETER & RANMA(crossing their legs): PRISS!! RANMA: Wait a minute . . . Why am I crossing my legs? I’m still in girl form. AYEKA(to Ranma): Conditioned reflex? RANMA: I guess so . . . . >"It's not me." Ryoko informed him, feeling a bit miffed at >his forwardness.. "Pity." He smiled seductively at her. AYEKA: I have the oddest feeling he is going to get himself killed, before Kain even arrives there. >"I guess I'll >have the katsudon then." Ryoko rolled her eyes (Peter makes bowling ball, noises.) >and stomped into the >kitchen. (Priss makes giant-stomping-the-ground, sounds. A round of giggles for everybody.) >"Just who does he think he is?" She grumbled as she >prepared the meal the stranger had requested. PETER: He thinks he’s the guy who’s going to kill Kain. >Although her mind >didn't think much of him, her body had another opinion. RANMA: Woah! Her body has a mind of its own!? >He certainly >had a great body, that much was certain. "Problem, Miss Ryoko?" >Washu asked. PRISS: How’d she get there? I thought she was still back, in the future. PETER: Priss, this is a lemon, aside from the lack of the usual “Over 18 only” notice. The rules of logic don’t apply. >"No." Ryoko sighed, not wanting to let on that her >body was attracted to someone who wasn't Tenchi. She was going to >be Tenchi's wife someday, AYEKA(unamused): Ahem. >and she had no intention of being >sidetracked by some opinionated, self-centered, devastatingly >handsome (where'd *that* come from?!) RANMA: The perverted mind of an Operative A enthusiast. >young man. She brought the >meal out to the young man and made it very clear that she had no >interest in him by dumping it onto his head. PETER: And there was much rejoicing! ALL(bored): Yaaay. >The young man simply >got up, and walked out with perfect and unflagging dignity. PETER(Operative A): I’m gonna tell!!! WHAAAAH!!!!! >Ryoko >followed him in a much less dignified manner, having been tossed >out bodily by the restaurant owner. PETER: And there was much rejoicing! ALL(bored): Yaaay. >She sat on the curb, rubbing her >bruised ass, and swearing at the departing figure. PRISS(Ryoko): You ninny-ninny, dumb-dumb, poopie head!!! I spit in your general direction!!! . . . . . Peter, are we being censored, today? PETER: How should I know? Nobody tells me anything. >She gasped in >pleasure and then noticed that her hand had moved, absently to her >cunt. PETER: And there was much rejoicing! ALL(bored): That’s getting old, Peter. >In disgust, she stopped fingering herself and cried stomped off, >firmly ignoring all the leering young men who'd been watching her >touch herself. >**** RANMA: Uh, it’s a swear word being censored. >In the meanwhile, Ayeka was having a go at >getting Achika and Nobuyuki 'together'. PETER, PRISS, & RANMA(bored): Yaaay. AYEKA: Shut up! >She got herself positioned in >a clothing store specializing in lingerie and waited. Sure enough, >Achika walked in. "May I help you?" Ayeka asked. "I'm looking for >something to catch my husband's interest." Achika explained, >blushing. "Hmmm..." Ayeka looked around, then spotted a very sexy >teddie. "This looks pretty." She told Achika. "Or maybe I could find >you something in leather? Perhaps with a whip?" >That always turned Juraian men on, surely the men here on Earth... ALL(large sweatdrops on the backs of their heads): . . . . AYEKA: HEY!!! Jurai may have certain customs that are unusual in certain terms, but I am well aware that not everybody is into that sort of thing. That is why there is a pre planned conditioning period. (Everyone else stares nervously at Ayeka.) What? >"Huh? Where'd she >go?" Ayeka looked around, but Achika was already hurrying off. PETER, PRISS, & RANMA(slight southern accents): Run, Achika!!! Run!!! AYEKA(grumbling): She could at least politely decline. > PETER: Oh look! Kamidake’s making a guest appearance. Hi Kamidake! >"Oh, that went well." Ryoko laughed at her nemesis. "Well, at least I >didn't get distracted by some guy." Ayeka pointed out. "At least he >was...." Ryoko let the rest of the sentence die in her throat. PRISS(sentence): Ugh, it was a good ride . . . >"He was >what?" Ayeka demanded. "Huh? What was he, Miss Ryoko? Tell >me... Did you think he was CUTE!" PETER(Ryoko as Daffy Duck): Yeah. Cute like a stomach pump! >"Don't be ridiculous. Besides he >seemed more like your type then mine. " AYEKA: I highly doubt that. >"Just what is that supposed >to mean?" "Well, you're both a couple of uppity snobs." Ryoko >pointed out. "I am *NOT* an uppity snob!" Ayeka hollered at Ryoko. PETER, PRISS, & RANMA: Yes you are, Ayeka! (Ayeka’s shield units surround them.) *ZaaaakaZaaaakaZaaaaka!!!!* . . . . . . . . Ouch. . . . AYEKA(dangerously): What were you all saying? PETER, PRISS & RANMA(smoke coming off of them): Nothing, princess. AYEKA: Good. >"Either you take that back or I''ll ... "You'll what? Punish me? I >always knew you had the hots for me, Ayeka." Ayeka grabbed Ryoko >and dragged her into Tenchi's hotel room. RANMA: Something tells me Ryoko got it right on the head. >"Ryoko's causing trouble >again, Lord Tenchi. Please remove your pants so I can teach her a >lesson!" AYEKA: No, no, no! You have got it all wrong! First you have to tie Miss Ryoko up against the wall, and then make love to Lord Tenchi in front of her, so that she can see what is going on, but not take part in it. (The other members of the MST group all give nervous glances toward Ayeka, but remain quiet.) >Tenchi wasn't sure what Ayeka had in mind, but he wasn't >about to argue with her. RANMA: Especially when she’s got her whip, with her. AYEKA: You got that right. >He certainly didn't want to be chased by >those logs of hers again, so he removed his pants and undergarments >and stood there with his manliness jutting out before him. PRISS: Or ‘poking’ out before him. AYEKA(angrily): Priss! >It wasn't huge, but it was large enough to be impressive. AYEKA: You got that right. ^_~ >"Now, Ryoko, kneel >in front of Tenchi." Ayeka ordered. Ryoko shrugged and knelt before >Tenchi. Ayeka took Tenchi's cock and guided the head into Ryoko's >mouth. She began to stroke the shaft, seductively bringing Tenchi >closer and closer to orgasm. PRISS: If THIS is her idea of punishment, no wonder Ryoko’s always trying to piss her off. >Suddenly it dawned on her that she >would be giving Tenchi's sperm to Ryoko if she continued. "WHAT >AM I DOING?!" RANMA: Isn’t it obvious? >She gasped as she pulled Tenchi's cock out of >Ryoko's mouth and put it into her own. >***** PETER(pointing at the stars): Look! It’s the Power Rangers!! (The others stare at him, nervously.) What? >The trio woke the next morning PETER(Dugtrio): Trio! Trio!! Trio!!! >and set out again on their task to get Achika and Nobuyuki >together. Ryoko was almost at the door when the phone rang. She >picked it up. PRISS(Ryoko on the phone): Piss off!!! Uh, I mean, hello? >"Hello, beautiful." A familiar yet different voice told >her. "Stop pestering me." Ryoko snarled at him. "Is that any way to >talk to someone who stood up for you?" RANMA: He stood her up? I didn’t realize they were dating. >"What are you on about?" >Ryoko demanded. "I told your boss that yesterday's incident was my >fault. You got your job back if you still want it. Frankly, I think >you're too pretty to be a waitress." PRISS(sarcastically): Subtle, ain’t he. >"Thanks for sticking up for me." >Ryoko told him. "But if you think it'll get you into my bed you can >just forget that idea." "That's okay. Mine's more comfortable >anyhow." PETER(sports announcer): Ooh! And the point goes to Operative A, ladies and gentlemen. >Ryoko screamed in exasperation AYEKA: While the rest of her remained in the hotel room. >and slammed the phone down. >***** PETER(announcer): Ladies and gentlemen, the Spice Girls, live and in concert! (Ayeka and Ranma stare at Peter, nervously. Priss just grumbles angrily at the mention of the “Spice Girls”.) What? >Ryoko slipped an aphrodisiac into the cup of iced tea >she was getting ready for Nobuyuki. PRISS: Bet she’d never thought she’d be doing THAT in her lifetime. >She'd noticed Achika playing footsie under the table with him, RANMA: Do ya get the feeling that the aphrodisiac is really unnecessary? >but he was anxious about something >and hadn't been responding much. She then went to get their deserts >from the freezer. While she was gone, PRISS: Kain appeared, killed Achika, and Tenchi disappeared forever. The End. AYEKA(angrily): PRISS!!! PRISS: I know, Ayeka. “Shut up”, I know. >Mihoshi walked toward the >door leading into the dining hall when she suddenly spilled a glass of >ice-tea that she was carrying. RANMA(sarcastically): Gee. I wonder WHICH glass of ice-tea she’s going to replace it with. >Without hesitating, she picked up the >cup Ryoko had poured and brought it out to the table she was >serving. As luck would have it, PETER: it’s the same table that Operative A is sitting at. >the chestnut haired young man was the recipient of the drugged drink. PETER: I’m a psychic!! AYEKA: Peter, that was the most obvious part of the plot, so far. >"Thank you." He told Mihoshi, >taking a sip. He eyed it with momentary suspicion, RANMA(Trakal): Funny. This tastes like it has an aphrodisiac in it. >then looked up at Mihoshi. PETER(Operative A, horny as all hell): Helloooooooo NURSE!!! (Priss hits Peter.) *TWAP!* Ow! >"I think it needs just a touch of sugar." he suggested. "It's >very good, mind you, but I like it a little sweeter." "I'm sorry." >Mihoshi sobbed. AYEKA: All together now. PRISS: Right. ALL(Mihoshi): WHAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!! >"Oh... no... I don't mean you made it wrong. It was >good you didn't make it really sweet. A person can always add more >sugar to suit himself later that way. You did a very good job." >'"Thank you!" Mihoshi gushed, proudly. "Oh thank you so much!" >She hugged the chestnut haired young man tightly, PRISS(Operative A): C-c-can’t b-breath . . . >then went into >the kitchen where she saw Ryoko standing there, looking around. >"Mihoshi, you didn't take that cup of iced tea did you?" "Uh huh." >"Who did you serve it to?" Mihoshi pointed to the chestnut haired >young man. AYEKA: Listen. You can almost hear the Loony Tunes theme. >"I don't believe this! Him again! What is he, a >punishment for my sins?!" "Maybe he's your guardian angel?" PETER: Maybe he’s the favorite character of the person who wrote this Fic? >Mihoshi suggested. "Angel my butt." Ryoko huffed. "Could you bring >his dinner out to him?" Mihoshi pleaded. "I'm on my break and I'm >hungry." RANMA: The plot for this Fic must’ve been hit by a weakness moxibustion. AYEKA: I agree. This story is just to obvious to be entertaining, anymore. PETER: I don’t know. It’s not like it has any major plot holes, or anything. PRISS: Yet. >"You just gave him an aphrodisiac and now you're sending >me to his table? PETER(Xelloss): Hmm . . . Well, I guess you could put it that way. Yes. RANMA: Peter, don’t do any impersonations of Xelloss. AYEKA: We are trying to forget about him, remember? PETER: Sorry. >Not a chance! I'm not going anywhere near him until >that wears off." The boss cleared his throat very insistantly and >Ryoko found herself making her way to the young man's table. The >young man looked up at her, his eyes glistening from the drug. RANMA(Operative A, crying): OH GOD!!! It hurts!!! It hurts!!! Oh, somebody get me some bigger pants, quick!!! >"You >are so beautiful." he told her. "Yes, I am." She agreed. "But you can't >have me." She set his food down and went over to Achika's table. >"Are you ready to order?" She asked, helpfully. "What are you doing, >Miss Ryoko?" Ayeka bustled up to her and elbowed her out of the >way. PRISS(Ryoko): I’m avoiding the pervert, making the groaning noises over at table three. >"This here is my table. You're supposed to be waiting on >*him*" she pointed over to the young man Ryoko had just been with. PETER: Hey, that sex scene sure passed by quick. AYEKA(to Peter): Not in THAT sense, you moron! >"You must be joking!" Ryoko protested. "He is kind of cute." Achika >encouraged her. Ryoko stomped over to the chestnut-haired man's >table. "What do you want?" She griped ALL: Isn’t it obvious? RANMA: Hey, didn’t she already give him his food? PETER(to Ranma): Ever see episode five of “All Purpose Cat Girl, Nuku-Nuku”? >"I'd like to take you out back, >space-pirate, and pump you for information." he muttered, PRISS(Ryoko): That’s it! Forget Kain, I’M going to kill you!!! >feeling the affects of the drug more fully now. "What?" PETER: He said (Through megaphone) “I’D LIKE TO TAKE YOU OUT BACK, SPACE-PIRATE, AND PUMP YOU FOR INFORMATION.”!!!!!!! AYEKA(to Peter): You just HAD to repeat that? PETER(through megaphone): YUP!!!!!!! >She glared at him. "I'll just have a bowl of ramen." He amended PRISS: Since he wanted to have children, with her, someday. >. "That's what I thought you >said." Ryoko went into the kitchen to get the young man's order. PRISS(Ryoko): One bowl of ramen, loaded with rat poison, please! RANMA: Is that it? B-KO(from the control booth): That’s all that was available. PETER: Pity. I actually enjoyed that. AYEKA: Peter, give it a rest. Not EVERYBODY enjoys your kind of humor. PETER(getting up and leaving the theater): No respect, I tell you! No respect! OTHERS(following Peter out, singing): Nobody knows the trouble he’s seen . . . Nobody knows his sorrow . . . PETER(to the others): Oh, shut up. OTHERS: Make us. (The MST group leaves the theater.) ======================================================= Cue to the lounge. “It’s sad when you just give up on a story right in the middle of it.” said Peter. “And right when it was starting to get good, too.” “Speak for yourself.” Commented Ayeka. “I am really getting tired of watching nothing but perverted fantasies, every time we go through this.” “I have to agree with Ayeka.” Said Priss. “Even if men ARE pigs, we shouldn’t have to watch what they keep wanting to do, at our expense.” “They’re not all like that, Priss.” Said Peter. “And besides, women write lemons too.” “Details, details.” Said both Priss and Ayeka. Ranma choose that moment to walk in, this time male. “Hey guys, the hot water’s working again.” “Don’t call us, guys!” said Priss and Ayeka. Peter put his hand over his face. “Not this again.” He muttered. “Look, when me or Ranma refer to the group of us as being ‘guys’, its just a generic term. If Ranma were to call us all girls, I would be forced to, as a matter of masculine pride, use my bazooka in a way that would be very painful to him. He would do similar things to me, and believe me, he threatened it once, if I ever started honestly thinking of him as a female. Do you understand, now?” “Don’t call us guys!” said Priss and Ayeka. “Great.” Grumbled Peter. Ranma, not really caring about the conversation, walked off to get a snack. Just then, the signal to start, blared. *I DON’T WANT STARTICA, I WANT CHRISTMAS!!!!* “Here we go again, guys!” said Peter, as he rushed into the theater. “Don’t call us guys!!” shout Priss and Ayeka, as they also rush into the theater. “Hey, guys! Wait up!!” said Ranma, as he also rushes into the theater, carrying a bag of chips. “Don’t call us guys!!!” Priss and Ayeka could be heard shouting. ======================================================= (You know the drill. Ayeka, Ranma, Priss, and Peter. Get it? Good.) AYEKA: I hope this is short. PETER: I hope this is funny. PRISS: I hope those transporters are fixed, soon. RANMA(eating potato chips): I hope we still have some food left in the fridge. *munch* >This came about in a discussion I had with a fellow author about >the hidden ecchiness of a certain Tenchi Muyo character. PRISS: Ryoko? PETER: Nah, she doesn’t hide it. RANMA: Mihoshi? PETER: Could be. AYEKA: Kiyone? PETER: Possibly. Let’s watch. >Heh...enjoy RANMA(narrator as that guy who used to be on the ‘Glendale Federal’ commercials): Cause you’re good enough, smart enough, and gosh darn it, people like you. >. ^_^ ALL(old geezer): EVIL! >Ecchi Level?! RANMA(Ted): No way! PRISS(Bill): Yeah way! >Vegita was a lot of things AYEKA(narrator): most of which can not be announced publicly, due to censorship laws. >. Prince of the Saiyan, husband to Bulma, father to Pan andTrunks, PETER: King of thieves, the Blue Thunder Of Furinkan High, Lord Of The Dance . . . >and quite argueably one of the most powerful beings in the universe. PRISS: Well, right behind Goku, Gohan, Freeza, Cell, Chi-Chi with a rolling pin, and several other assorted enemies. AYEKA: He is also ‘argueably’ the worst speller in the universe, as well. >One thing he could never get over was the fact that he, the prince of the >Saiyan...theone that was bred for centuries to be the pinacle of >Saiyan perfection, was only thesecond strongest saiyan. (Sad violin music plays sarcastically in the background.) >He hadn't >reached the mythical state oftransformation known as the super >Saiyan first, he hadn't reached level 2 first PETER(Super Mario Brother’s Theme): *Do-do-doot-dool-loot-DOOT!* >...hell, until recently he >couldn't even reach the level 4 transformation without help. Damn >him! AYEKA: Damn the person who wrote the story line! >Damn you Kaka...Goku! RANMA(Vejita as Ryoga Hibiki): Because of you, I’ve seen hell!!! >He raged silently. PRISS(Vejita as Jan Brady): It’s always Goku! Goku,-Goku,-Goku!! >What is the point >of even trying to compete against you, if I don't have a prayer of >beating you for once?! PETER: Because despite all that has happened in the past, for the series, the story needs SOME plot! >In contrast to his musings, the familiar half >mocking grin began to form on his lips. PETER(Vejita): AAAH!!! GET IT OFF!!! GET IT OFF!!! (The others stare at him, nervously.) What? >Becuase he hadn't AYEKA: learned how to spell “Because”. >quit his >quest to be the strongest. No, not by a LONG shot. He had heard of >this place from what was left of the Kaiyos, ALL: Gesundheit! >a place that could >subject him to forces that would push him past every conceivable >limit he had...no matter his present power level. PETER: Unfortunately the emotional and mental damage caused by watching the “Teletubbies” and “Barney & Friends” marathons back to back, without commercials, would be immense! OTHERS(shuddering at that thought): Ugh . . . >In fact this >information was passed on to him by his wayward son, before >Trunks himself had gone ahead of his father to see what this place >could do for him. (The MST group starts humming ‘Taps’.) >Funny though... RANMA: Funny “Ha-Ha”, or funny “Uh-oh”? >as he approached the building on >foot he swore he could hear some strange sharp and loud snapping >sounds. No...more like a *crack* PRISS(Montgomery Burns): That rib always breaks. >of some sort. He wondered what >could possibly be making those sounds, before he heard something >so evil...so frightening, so increadibly horrifying, his already >spiked hair, was standing on end. "Oh HO HO HO HO HO HO HO >HO HO HO HO!" (Peter, Priss, and Ranma scream.) RANMA: Kodachi!!! NO!!! Keep away!!! AAAAAH!!! PRISS: No, don’t let Sylia drive!!! AIIIIEEEE!!! PETER: DAMNIT!!! Don’t play my ‘Slayers OAV’ tapes so loud!!! AYEKA(confused): I know I have heard that sound before, but where? >Dear Kami-sama! He exclaimed to himself, and >reflexively transforming into his Super Saiyan form in response to >the petrifying fear that sound evoked in him. What in the entire >universe could emit such a dreaded sound? RANMA: Kodachi Kuno. PRISS: Sylia Stingray, while driving. PETER: Naga The Serpent. AYEKA(still in deep thought): I know I have heard that laugh somewhere before. . . >Then admist the aweful AYEKA: spelling. >...laughter, for that is the only description he could give to >what he was hearing, he kept hearing those strange cracking >sounds mingled with crys of...pain, PETER(innocent bystander): Oh, my poor ears! >like one would hear within the >bowels of hell itself. No worse...for he had been to hell. PRISS: He must have gone there after being sent into an ‘Alternate Dimension’. RANMA: I once again say (Vejita as Ryoga, impersonation) Because of you Goku, I’ve seen hell!!! >And even hell didn't sound so terrible as that. PETER: I mean, after a while, you got used to all the elevator music. >The front door of the building >creaked open, and what he saw would scar him to the end of his >days. PRISS: A giant guillotine with “Vejita” printed on the side. RANMA: That was lame, Priss. PRISS: Shut up! I’m bored, okay! >His son, Trunks at a Super Saiyan level of 4, a level Trunks >had only fantasized about reaching before, PETER: The less said about this, the better. AYEKA: You got that right. >was being dragged >roughly at the side of a well formed leather clad female. PETER: AAAAH!!! It IS Naga The Serpent!!! >His limp >and unresponsive form a testament to the shear power of the >beating he must have taken inside. RANMA(Trunks): No . . . stop the l-laughing . . . please . . . >Trunks' head tilted up, and eyes >long since glazed, made the attempt to focus on Vegita. "Run." >Trunks sputtered weakly. "Save yourself father! It's too horrible to >comprehend!" PRISS(Vegita): Just what I was thinking, son. Hope everything works out! >Vegita then turned his attention to the one who had >put his son...a Super Saiyan level4 RANMA(in the typical D&D way): Plus 3 damage to all magical beings. >...into such a state. "Oh ho ho ho >ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho!" The sound the female uttered >chilled his very soul. And then his pierceing green eyes met those >crimson ones, (Peter, Priss, and Ranma all get large sweatdrops on the backs of their heads.) >framed by that long purple hair of the monster that >has broken his son. (Peter, Priss, and Ranma all stare nervously at Ayeka.) AYEKA: What? >He was held fast by the shear evil and unholy >gleam of near orgasmic pleasure in those eyes...that pleasure she >had obviously received by putting his son in such a state. She >smiled then...very seductively, and dropped Trunks beside her. PETER(Trunks as Jerry Louis): Hello nice floor! *thunk* >Slowly she brought her whip up and carresed it sensually...never >taking her eyes off of Vegita for a second. "So..." Aeka breathed >hotly, "You're next?" (A faint whistle is heard, as steam pours out of Ayeka’s ears.) ALL BUT AYEKA: Uh-oh. AYEKA(outraged): Wait just a carrot picking minute, here!!! I will admit that I am not as pure hearted as I may first appear to be, but that does NOT give anyone the right to portray me as some sort of sadistic monster, who derives pleasure from causing pain upon others!!! No one would ever interpret that this is in any way accurate to what I truly feel!!! (She turns to the other group members.) Right? OTHERS: . . . . . . . . . AYEKA(eyes actually glowing blood red): RIGHT!?!?!? OTHERS(fearfully): Y-y-yes princess Ayeka. AYEKA(sitting back down): Good. OTHERS: . . . . . . . >Vegita was aware of a new sound then. It >took him a moment to figure out what it was. It was the sound of PRISS: his pants quickly filling up in back, and getting wet in front, at a very rapid pace. >his own terrified scream. PRISS: Close enough. >And despite it all he could still hear that >horrible sound she made. "Oh ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho!" AYEKA: And another thing. That is much too slow. It is more like this; OH-HO-HO-HO-HO-HO-HO-HO-HO-HO-HO-HO-HO!!!!!! You see, it is much more quicker. . . . (Notices there are three dust clouds to her right, and that she is now alone in the theater.) Hey! >*KER-SNAP* AYEKA: Honestly. For all their worth, they clearly show that they CAN be scared by the least, little thing. (Ayeka exits the theater, trying to catch up with the other group members.) AYEKA(off screen): I wonder who wrote this ridiculous piece, anyway? (Ayeka exits.) >------------------ >Heh. ^_^ >K'thardin ======================================================= Cue to the lounge. It appears to be empty for the time being. No one is seen, nothing can be heard. Suddenly, Peter walks into view, holding a ‘Power Bar’ snack. He seems to be having trouble opening it. “Damn, stupid . . . ARGH! B-ko!” Peter shouts. “What?” B-ko asks, from off camera. “Where are the scissors?” asks Peter. “In the desk. Top drawer, to you left.” Says B-ko. Peter looks, and finds them. “Thanks, B-ko.” Says Peter. “No problem.” Replies B-ko. Peter attempts to cut open one end of the wrapper, but the scissors seem to have no effect. *Ka-snap!* The scissors break. “Dangit!” curses Peter, placing the broken scissors on the desk. “What are they making these wrappers out of, now a days? Hey B-ko!” “What now?” replies B-ko. “Where’s my jacket?” “You’re wearing it.” Says B-ko, with a bored tone in her voice. “Oh yeah. Thanks. No let’s see . . .” Peter starts rummaging through his jacket, and pulls out the following; A mallet, a cordless phone, a non-cordless phone, a two hundred and fifty foot rope of salt water taffy, a bag of coconuts, and a huge and very sharp looking sword. “Ah, here it is. And now.” Peter strikes down at the ‘Power Bar’. *THA-CRISH!!* The sword shatters like glass upon striking the wrapper. “Good thing I still got the warranty.” Says Peter as he puts the broken sword handle next to the broken scissors. “I won’t let this stop me. I WILL eat the Power Bar!” And with that declaration, Peter once again starts pulling objects from his jacket. Baseball bat, staple gun, Jimmy Hoffa, pencils, pens, Poke-balls, CDs, computer software, a waste basket, and finally a chainsaw and a hockey mask. Peter puts on the mask, revs up the chainsaw, and quickly brings it down upon the unopened Power Bar. *VRRRRRRMMMMMM-SCREAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRSCRUNSH-BA-BA-BA-BAK!!* Peter lifts up the mask, and sees a bunch of broken, metal edged chain links, and that the Power Bar is completely undamaged. Peter tosses away the hockey mask, drops the broken chainsaw, and reaches into his jacket. “That’s it! No more mister nice guy!!” Peter pulls out of his jacket some tennis balls, a fishing pole, Bigfoot, that missing left sock you were looking for last week, Tom Servo, five golden rings, Elvis, Mini Nuku-Nuku, the Klockman Diamond, a small pamphlet titled “The Meaning Of Life”, TV’s Frank’s head, the CBS Saturday morning lineup, a third grade report card that had only Ds and Fs on it, and finally five sticks of TNT. Peter giggles evilly as he wraps the Power Bar with the TNT, lights the main fuse, and tosses it into the air. In a Wile E. Coyote-ish sort of way, the explosive wrapped Power Bar lands right on top of Peter’s head, knocking him to the ground. “Uh-oh.” Says Peter. “Looks like the fuse was longer than I thought.” A pinkish energy shield surrounds Peter, just before the Power Bar bomb explodes. *BA-DOOOOOOOM!!!* The shield disappears, letting out a lot of black smoke, and leaving a vaguely humanoid burnt something sitting on the floor. B-ko enters in from the right. “*KOFF* Thanks for setting the blast shield around the bomb, B-ko.” Says Peter, the vaguely humanoid burnt something. “But next time *KOFF*, make sure I’m not in with it.” “Yeah, whatever.” Says B-ko. “Now, just WHAT were you trying to do?” Peter holds the STILL undamaged Power Bar. “I was trying to open this.” B-ko looks at the Power Bar, pulls the tab on it labeled ‘Pull To Open’, and the wrapper opens. “Ah, thanks B-ko!” says Peter, as he quickly eats the Power Bar, and tosses the wrapper into the waste basket. “Great. Now what are you going to do about the mess?” asks B-ko, pointing to the pile of stuff Peter had pulled from his jacket. “Oh, that’s easy. Watch this.” And with that, Peter took off his jacket, swung it around his body and amazingly picked up everything excluding the desk. Peter did not even look burnt, anymore. “How’s that for a trick, B-ko? . . . B-ko?” Peter hears muffled screaming coming from inside of his jacket. He shakes it a couple of times, and B-ko falls out of it onto the floor. *whump!* “Oops! Sorry about that.” Says Peter. B-ko growls, reaches back into Peter’s jacket, and pulls out a large wooden mallet. She winds up to hit the hapless fan fiction writer, when *THE HILLS ARE ALIVE, WITH THE SOUNDS OF MUUUUUSIC!!!* “Uh-oh! We got Fic sign!!!” shouts Peter, as he rushes into the theater, followed closely by the other MST group members. B-ko misses Peter, and ends up falling to the floor. *thud* ======================================================= (And again, the MST group enters into the theater.) RANMA(smelling the air): What smells like burnt turkey? PETER: That would be me. It’s a long story, so don’t ask. PRISS: We weren’t going to, anyway. >Uncontralable Desires AYEKA: As well as ‘Uncontralable’ spelling errors. >A fanfic by WhiteStar This is my first >attempt at writing fanfiction, so please excuse my naivete. RANMA: Sure, whatever THAT is. >Please send replies to Whitestar26@hotmail.com Warning: all flames will >be severely ignored. AYEKA: Well, you can not ignore this. > >_< PETER: Ugh! I shouldn’t have eaten that burrito. >Now here's the obligitory disclaimer: >Pioneer and AIC own these characters, so please dont sue me PRISS(WhiteStar): Sue them instead! >(besides I cant afford it anyway). >****************************************************** >***************************************************** RANMA: It’s snowing! >Sasami was bored. PETER: I smell LEMON! AYEKA: I fell a headache coming on. PRISS: Feeling of dread. Feeling of dread . . . RANMA: I’m hungry. >She paced slowly around the room, trying to think of something to do. PETER: Please don’t let it be Tenchi. AYEKA: Please refrain from giving the author ideas, Peter. >When nothing presented itself, RANMA: Well you can’t just expect things to happen, girl. You gotta make them happen! >she moved on to the next room. This continued for 10 minutes, until >she found herself in Noboyuki's room. ALL: Uh-oh! >The large bookcase on one >wall immediately grabbed her attention. *hmm.....*Nobody had >really told her not to look at that, she had just sort of assumed. >Some of the stuff in there *might* not be ..um.. like that. PRISS: Feeling of dread, feeling of dread, feeling of dread . . . >And what else was there for her to do? RANMA: Cook! AYEKA: Clean! PETER: Not be in a lemon scene! . . . Hey, that rhymed. >"Oh why not." She reached for the >shelf, pausing for an instant to decide what to grab. "Penthouse?... >maybe it's about archetechture, he is an architecht after all. " (And in the distance, a cow can be heard.) *mooooooo!* PRISS: This is bad. RANMA: You can say that again. PRISS: This is bad. >Her illusions about that possibility were quickly dispelled, and she >found herself staring, transfixed. AYEKA: Oh no. . . Oh no, no, no, no, no. . . >A strange feeling washed over >her, and her short legs began slowly rubbing against each other. PRISS(narrator): Eventually this rubbing sparked a fire that burned down the entire house. The End. OTHERS: You wish. >*What? No, I'm not supposed to be.. PETER(Sasami): In a lemon Fic, reading ‘Penthouse’.. >like.. this.* A familiar >smell wafted up to her face, a little too familiar. "Oh no. " AYEKA(Sasami): I am in a lemon! >Frantically, she looked under her kimonos, and seeing the >small red spot on her panties. PRISS(sniper): Target located, and locked on. Ready to fire. RANMA: Uh, Priss. Think about where it would be aiming. PRISS(considers it): . . . . . . . . . . Oops. . . >She jumped up and ran the only place she could think of. PRISS: Unfortunately, the only place she could think of was right out of an open window. The End. OTHERS: Priss! PRISS: What? >---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- >----------- AYEKA: Please cut here, and remove bottom portion. >"Yup, nothing unusual at all, PETER(Washu): Reading ‘Penthouse’ is typical of all boys your age. PRISS(Sasami): But I’m a girl! PETER(Washu): Oh? Well then THAT is another matter entirely. >just a normal Jurian period." *Snif* "I guess that's good. But >I'm only 9 Washu. Mommy said Aeka was 12 when her >first came." AYEKA: I was one thousand, three hundred! PETER: I think she’s talking about physical age, in earthling terms. AYEKA: Oh . . . What? >"Well, it is a little early, espically for a Jurian. What >about the 700 years you were in suspended animation? It's supposed >to prevent aging, but the Jurian technique might not be perfected. >I'll have to run a few more tests." PETER(Washu): And collect a few samples. OTHERS: PETER!!! PETER: Sorry. >"But what about dinner?" "I'll have Noboyuki make it." RANMA: Why am I getting the same feeling I do when Akane’s cooking? >As she set up the equipment for Sasami's tests, >the experiment she had been working on was automatically stored >in the space that had once been the Masakis' broom closet. ALL: Huh? >"Um.. I'm not sure I want to put everyone through that" >"It'll be okay, I think Noboyuki used to cook before you came here. RANMA: Well, that explains why Tenchi’s as skinny as he is. (Hit over the head by Ayeka.) *THWAP* OW! >I'll go tell him >now. Don't go anywhere." With that, the redhead stepped through >the dimension door which convieniently happend to appear >nearby. PETER: How convenient. >*sigh, It's not like I could go anywhere* she thought upon >noticing the metal restraints gently holding her to the table. (The MST group all look vaguely ill, and terrified at the scene, even though nothing actually happened. Around this time Xelloss appeared out of nowhere.) XEL(cheerfully): Why hello everybody. What a fancy coincidence, meeting all of you he- (Looks up at the screen, and sees Sasami strapped to a table in Washu’s lab.) *PLOOOOOOOT!* (Xelloss’ head explodes, sending streamers and confetti flying all over the place. Xelloss’ headless body falls to the ground with a *thunk*) PRISS(angrily glaring at Xelloss): Oh great. HE’S here too!?! >------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ >------------- PETER(police officer): One Adam twelve! One Adam twelve! We’ve got an over access of dashing, in the page break. Requesting backup, over! >"Whaddya mean I have to cook tonight?" "Sasami's busy >with me in the lab, so you'll just have to make dinner tonight." (Xelloss, fully regenerated, suddenly gets up.) XEL(Nobuyuki): Oh! You’re collecting samples?! OTHERS: XELLOSS!! PETER: You guys were right. That is annoying. >"Is she ok?" Noboyuki asked, suddenly worried. "She's fine, oh, and the >lab will be inaccessable tonight, just to give us a little >privacy." With that, she dissappeared. AYEKA(Washu): And FABOOM! I am gone! PETER: So Xelloss, why in the name of Lance Ito, are you here? I thought you left with Ksa, out to MST other fics? XEL: I did, but I just couldn’t bear to go without having some fun, one last time, with you guys. PRISS: Gee, I’m so honored, I think I’ll throw up. RANMA: If this fic goes where we think it’s going, you probably will. PRISS(sarcastically): Thank you soooo much for reminding me, Ranma. RANMA: No problem. >*What could be so important she seals the lab?* ALL: Nothing good. >his mind ran through several possibilities, XEL: while Mihoshi called the ASPCA. >none of them good. Shaking his head to remove such thoughts, he >loked at his watch. AYEKA: He then noticed he left an ‘o’, out of the word “looked”. >"Well, if I'm going to make dinner tonight, I'd >better get started." he steeled himself and made his way into the >kitchen. PETER: That’s actually the most non stereotypical, respectable, and truthfully IN character portrayal of Nobuyuki I’ve ever seen so far, in a lemon fic! OTHERS: Will wonders never cease. >---------------------------------------------------------------------- >----------------------------------- >SHA-BOOM! PRISS(getting up): Well, fic’s dead. I’ll just go now- OTHERS(to Priss): Sit down. PRISS(sitting down): Ah poop. >an energy blast >slammed into the hastially closed closet door, followed by a >familier taunting voice from the other side. RANMA: And, back to the stereotypical zone. >"Well well, princess. >Aren't we the clever one?" Caught up in the fight, the princess >failed to notice she was in a dark closet instead of Washu's lab. AYEKA: And just why would I want to hide in Miss Washu’s lab, to begin with? OTHERS: I don’t know. >She looked around for a diversion. XEL(Ayeka): Here diversion, diversion, diversion. Where are you? >Seeing the small cylander on a shelf >in front of her, she grabbed it and readied her forcefield. PETER(Ayeka): One for the money, two for the show, be ready pirate, because here I go! AYEKA: Well said, Peter. >"I suppose >you've realized your only hope of getting out of this is to hide and >hope I go away." RANMA: Who’s talking? >As she taunted through the door, the space pirate >turned her head as if to walk away. AYEKA: Of course I have no way of knowing this, because I can not see through the door. >Noticing some movement from >the door's direction, and thinking her taunts had produced a >reaction, she quickly turned back towards the door and grabbed the >tiny log that came flying her way. XEL: EWW! Ayeka, I know you dislike her, but do you have to throw your own feces at her? (Ayeka stands up, and uses her whip on Xelloss. Ayeka’s whip wraps around Xelloss’ waist, flips him up into the air, and slams him down head first onto the ground.) *KA-WHAM!!!* (Ayeka then calmly sits back down.) XEL(smashed into the floor): . . . . . . . . . . . You didn’t answer my question. >Only it wasn't a log. AYEKA: Not one word Xelloss, or I will do that to you again. XEL(cheerfully): You mean it? And here I thought you didn’t like me. PETER(handing a small object to Xelloss): Here. Swallow this. XEL(gulps down the object): Mmm. Not bad. What was it? PETER: A sleep berry. *thump* XEL: Zzzzz . . . OTHERS: Thank you, Peter. PETER: No problem. >"Huh?" she thought AYEKA(smug): Great job thinking, Ryoko. >looking perplexedly at the small blue cylander in her >hands. As she wondered what the princess was trying to do, she >almost didn't notice the three *real* logs coming her way. XEL(mumbling in his sleep): Don’t be fooled by imitations . . . Buy only genuine Jurian logs . . . PRISS(grumbling): Oh great. He talks in his sleep. >Instantly >she tried to swat them away, but one was already inside her reach. RANMA(paramedic): Ready. CLEAR! >The projectile discharged its powerful shock into Ryoko's solar plex, RANMA(teacher): Now class, what’s the most important aspect of com- PETER: Timing! (Ranma glares at Peter.) RANMA(to Peter): You just ruined my joke, ya know. PETER: Sorry. >disorienting her for a second. "I've got you now, demon." The >princess activated her forcefield a moment too late, sending >azure lightning coursing through the wake of Ryoko's hasty >teleportation. PETER: And so, Ryoko beats a hasty retreat. XEL(mumbling in his sleep): But I thought she loved Tenchi . . . (Everyone looks nervously at Xelloss, for a moment.) >Aeka spun, ready to defend herself. She made an EEP PRISS: A shot rang out. AYEKA: The maid screamed. RANMA: Thunder crashed. PETER: They canceled MST3K. XEL(mumbling in his sleep): Ryoko and Ayeka had sex . . . >sound as a short crimson knife came down behind her, splitting the >back of her kimono. "How DARE you?!" shrieked the princess in >outrage. PRISS(Ryoko): Brazenly. Does it annoy you? >She stopped, stunned, and started blushing furiously, >pointing at an open-mouthed Noboyuki standing in the >doorway. XEL(mumbling in his sleep, and doing an impersonation of Nobuyuki): Hold it . . . Let me get my camera . . . PETER: I’m tempted to hit him now, for stealing my line. >"WHAT are you doing there you hentai?" she screamed, >frantically trying to keep her clothes from falling. RANMA: Being scared spitless. (Hit over the head, by Ayeka.) *THUNK* OW! What did ya do that for!?!? >"What is it >princess? You afraid of him seeing something? Or just trying to >keep your reputation?" RANMA: Who’s talking? PETER: I have no idea. >Wha? me? Oh I'm just making dinner and.. >uh.. thought I'd make sure the house didn't get too.. damaged." RANMA: Again I ask, Who’s talking? XEL(mumbling in his sleep): The missing quotation mark, possibly . . . PETER(to Xelloss): Okay, now I KNOW you’re faking it! Get up. (Xelloss stands up, smiling.) XEL: Did I mention that I mastered waking up, instantaneously? AYEKA: Please refrain from doing so, Xelloss. We are trying to do our job, here. >"You? Cook? What happened to Sasami?" asked the >space pirate, puzzled. PETER: I thought she was “the space pirate, Ryoko”? >"She's busy with Washu. ALL: Don’t remind us. >She said the lab would be closed for a while." PRISS: Feeling of dread. Feeling of dread . . . >"Oh, ok. and as for you...."she >stopped, noticing Aeka was nowhere to be seen. RANMA(Aeka, running): Don’t worry Sasami!! I’ll save you!!! >"Probably wants to >go change, the little prude, I should've...."her voice became >inaudable as she floated down the hall. (Everyone applauds.) >"Phew, and Ryoko calls her flat. AYEKA: Only when she wants a fight. >heh heh" he chuckeled wistfully as he heads back into the >kitchen. His foot bumps something on the ground, XEL(Aeka): Hey, watch it! I’m trying to hide, down here. AYEKA(to Xelloss): I would shock you, but I doubt it would have the effect I would intend. >which rolls a little. "Huh?" PRISS: That’s what we’re all thinking, right now. >he looked down at a small blue jar of something. "Oh, >this must have fallen out of the cabinet." RANMA: How, and why would it be all the way to the front of the closet door? >he picked it up and placed it in the cabinet with a few other sauces." AYEKA: Notice the lone quotation mark, that should have been there several paragraphs ago. >-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- >------------------------- PETER: Cut on dotted line, and discard bottom portion. RANMA: Didn’t we already do that joke? >Bleep-Bleep-Bleep-Bleep " PRISS: Deff Comedy Jam! >oh gosh what happened now?" The >smoke alarm beeped urgently as a frantic Nobiyuki tried to turn off >the source of the smoke. PETER(through megaphone): DANGER WILL ROBINSON!!! DANGER!!! >"What's going on in here dad?" XEL(Nobuyuki): I’m burning pots, uh, I mean cooking dinner! >"What? oh nothing, Sasami's busy with Washu ALL: STOP REMINDING US!!! >so I had to fill in for her on >dinner tonight." "need some help?" "Oh, no, I'm doing fine, see, the >alarm stopped." RANMA(clutching head): Ah man! I’m having Akane’s cooking flashbacks! >(Tenchi's face-fault) AYEKA: Insert sound effects, here. >"Well, uh.. if you say so >dad." Tenchi left the room and considered going out to eat tonight PRISS: Good call. >"Let's see here, maybe Sasami left a little secret sauce or >something around here." He opened a cabinet and withdrew a >promising-looking bottle. He opened the jar and cautiously smelled >it a little. "Maybe this'll help, it smells good enough." he gingerly >poured a little into the mixture in progress. >Upon noticing no ill effects, he poured a little more in, capped the jar, and >replaced it in the cabinet. RANMA(screaming): AAAH!! MAKE IT STOP!! MAKE IT STOP!!! AKANE’S COOKING!!! ARRRRGH!!!! AYEKA: Peter, we need something to snap him out of his flashbacks of seeing his fiancee cooking! PETER(pulls out a green folder marked ‘Do Not Open’): Let’s see . . . Ah! Rejected Ranma ½ fic idea, number five; Upon arriving at the Tendo house, Soun realizes that female Ranma is kind of cute, and that he is lonely, so he announces he will engage himself to her, at which time Ranma faints. One thing leads to another, and Soun ends up impregnating Ranma, while she was unconscious. *PLOOOOOOT!* (Xelloss’ head explodes, sending streamers and confetti flying around the theater. His headless body falls to the ground with a dull *thunk*.) PRISS(rubbing the sides of her forehead): Did it work, Ayeka. RANMA(screaming): AAAH!! MAKE IT STOP!! MAKE IT STOP!!! PETER’S FAN FICTION IDEA!!! ARRRRGH!!!! AYEKA(unamused): Yeah, it worked. >---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- >------------- (Ranma appears to finally be calming down, a little bit.) >"So where were you when it started?" PRISS: Sitting in this theater, watching this piece of cr- Oh, sorry. You’re not talking to us. >"Um.. I was in Nobiyuki's room" XEL(finally regenerated): *BZIIIT!* Wrong answer! >she had been expecting >this question but was'nt sure how to answer what would come >next. PETER(Washu): Who put the bop, in the bop-shoo-bop? (The other group members, and Xelloss, stare at peter nervously.) What? >"huh? What were you doing in there?" AYEKA(Washu): And where did the capitalization go, in my sentence? XEL(Sasami): Well, I was imagining I was doing Fabio, Lambchop, and Pikachu in a-(Ayeka’s shield units surround Xelloss, while Priss and Peter open fire on the trickster priest, and Ranma also fires a Fierce Tiger Domineering Blast at him for good measure.) *ZAAAKAZAAAKA* *BLAM-BLAM-BLAM* *BOOOOM!!!* *VABOOOOSH!!!!* . . . . . Okay, maybe I went a little too far on that one. >"Well I *gulp* was really bored and, um, nobody actually ever told >me to stay out of it." "Out of what?" she had an idea AYEKA(holding up her arms in praise): It is a miracle!! >but didn't want to make it sound like an accusation. RANMA(Washu): I want the truth! PRISS(Sasami): You can’t handle the truth!! >"His collection" "mm-hmm Well, that explains it then." PETER: Really? Do tell. >what?" AYEKA(Washu): The lack of a quotation mark, and capitalization in your statement. >"Your.. umm.. arousal, must have prematurely triggered your period." RANMA: Can it do that? PETER: Sometimes. XEL(smug): Really Peter? And how do you know that? PETER(Cain from “Poltergeist II”): Because I’m smaaaaaart! >"But it was a.." "Yes, which means that >you're.. aroused by that." "No. I can't be like that!" PRISS: Oh, now I understand. This is from the perverted idea that every female on this planet and beyond is a raging lesbian deep inside! PETER: Not every female. Just the cute ones. (Hit by Priss.) *TWACK* OW! (Peter glares at Priss.) Do I need to bring up the topic of ‘Sylvie’, Priss? PRISS(flinching): You wouldn’t dare! RANMA: Who’s Sylvie? PRISS(to Ranma): Never mind! He’s just making stuff up! AYEKA: All those in favor of pretending we did NOT here that conversation, say “Aye”. AYEKA, B-KO (in the control booth.), PETER, PRISS, & RANMA: Aye! XEL: I don’t know. I for one, am interested in what Peter has to- (Notices Priss aiming a very nasty looking gun at his head.) . . . . Um, aye! PRISS(putting away her gun): Good. >"Well, I never said you were, not necessarially." The scientist >grinned to herself. ALL: NO!!! DON’T!!! >This little discovery would really shake up the Jurian government >when Sasami returned. RANMA: Uh, Ayeka . . . Your mother, aren’t she and Funhao- AYEKA(to Ranma): Just drop it, Ranma. >" XEL: Ah, there’s that quotation mark we were looking for, earlier! PETER(quotation mark, as the White Rabbit): Oh my burnt stars and whiskers! I’m late! I’m late!! I’m late!!! >"Then what.. what's left?" PRISS: Evil foreshadowing ahead. Not a good thing. >----------------------------------------------------------------------------------- >---------------------- >"Okay Mihoshi?" the detective asked for the 3rd time. "Okay!" >replied her blonde partner. "Really? You understand? PETER(Mihoshi): Nope! Not a word! *BA-DOOM! CRISH!* >You know >what we're doing?" "Yup, we're going to ask him to come with us >on the yagami, and then we FUCK him!" ALL BUT XEL: *GROAN!* Not this again! XEL(large sweatdrop on the back of his head): Um, is there something I should know about? PETER: Watch our first MST. >Kiyone gaped, astounded >that her partner finally understood. "That's IT. You've finally got it. PRISS(person waiting at a bus stop): That quotation mark is running late again! >"Are you proud of me?" ALL: No. >"Uh, yeah, I guess so." she had a feeling >where this was headed. "So, do I get a reward?" XEL(Kiyone): Why of course! Here’s a cookie. >The blonde smiled evilly and started to undo her shirt (Everyone else gives disgusted glares toward Xelloss, who is grinning like an idiot.) >" ALL(to the quotation mark): You’re late!! >"Well.." she decided to play >along "I don't know... if you *really* want it" "Oh I do I do" she >started panting. PRISS(Kiyone): Sit. Roll over. Beg. Good puppy! >As the two gorgeous detectives leaned towards each >other, the were rather rudely interrupted by a knock on their >door "Time to eat you two" Nobiyuki informed them through the >door. AYEKA(Mihoshi): Kiyone! What is Tenchi’s father doing at our apartment?! >*Always the worst possible time* RANMA: Who’s talking-uh, thinking? >they reluctantly disengaged themselves, PETER(William Riker, from “Star Trek: The Next Generation”): Disengaging warp sex-drive, now. AYEKA(Picard): Make it so, number one! >Mihoshi with a pouty frown and Kiyone with a >generally resentfullm look. "Don't worry, we'll get back to this after >dinner." consoled Kiyone with a final kiss. "Alright, then. After >dinner" XEL(announcer): Attention people, they will resume after dinner. I repeat, after dinner. >*giggle* The two straightened their clothes out and started >through the door. (Priss makes the sound of a door being smashed. Everyone busts out laughing.) >----------------------------------------------------------------------------------- >------------------ >"Hope you all like it!" said >Noboyuki enthusiastically as he set down his creation. AYEKA: Oh the humanity! PRISS(Ryoko): It’s not dead!! It’s not dead!! RANMA(Tenchi): For God sakes, dad, I’m your only son!! PETER(Mihoshi): Why is it looking at us that way!?!? XEL(Kiyone): Don’t make any sudden movements!! >"Hope we can all eat it" said Ryoko quietly. "What happened to >Sasami again?" questioned Mihoshi. *sigh* "she's with Washu >doing some.. tests." sighed Aeka with exasperation which turned >into disgust. RANMA: For the food, or for Sasami being in Washu’s lab? AYEKA: Most likely, both. >Everyone else suddenly developed similarially disgusted >expressions. PRISS: Maybe it’s just for the fan fic, in general. >Ryoko piped up with "I hope she's not trying to get a >sample out of her." PETER: That’s what we’ve been saying this entire fic, Ryoko. >"Ryoko, we're trying to eat here!" that from Kiyone. XEL(Ryoko): Okay, I’ll mention it AFTER dinner, then. >"So let's start eating" encouraged Noboyuki, noticing >everyone's hesitation. In an uncharacteristicly bold move, Tenchi >took the initiative and gulped a little of whatever it was. *munch >munch* "hhmm..hey, it's not bad." RANMA(worried): But if it’s supposed to be soup, then why is it crunching? >"Really?" everyone started >eating, agreeing with Tenchi on Noboyuki's surprisingly edible >creation. "Hey Tenchi" Kiyone finally spoke up. "hmm?" "About >that report you have coming up on the planets of the >system?" PRISS: Hey! The sub plot’s a rip off of the plot for that first fic we did an MST on! PETER: Be glad it’s just a sub plot. >"Mm-hmm" "Mihoshi and I were thinking we could help >you with it." "Really?, how?" XEL(Mihoshi): By asking you to get on board the Yagami, and then we FUCK you! OOPS! I wasn’t supposed to say that! PETER(to Xelloss): Quit stealing my lines!! >"Well, we do have a spaceship, and I >believe there's a short vacation before the report is due. We were >thinking the three of us could go explore.. certain.. heavenly >bodies." Kiyone started to grin slightly at the use of that >term. AYEKA: And her character goes right out the window. OTHERS(waving): BYE! >"Yeah" chirped Mihoshi "We heven't really gotten out much >recently, and it'd be *really* fun." "Well, I guess...""Certainly not" >Aeka interposed as it began to dawn on her what the two GP >officers had planned. ALL: HUZAAH!!! >"Tenchi has responsibilities and can't just go >off whenever he wants to, right Tenchi?" "Well it is for school >now, and that's what a vacation is for, right" interjected Noboyuki, >not quite oblivious to what was in store for his son. AYEKA(to Nobuyuki in the fic): Shut up. >" RANMA: No, now you’re too early! >"well, I guess it would help with my report..sure, that sounds >like a good idea." Meanwhile, PETER(radio announcer): Eliot Ness and his Untouchables speed off toward Capone’s hideout! >Ryoko's mind was busy AYEKA: sparks were flying, and smoke was coming out of her ears. >creating a course of >action to prevent what those two were planning. PRISS: Well you could try to *gasp!* Work with Ayeka, to form a plan! (Everyone else makes the dramatic *Duh-duh-da-dun!* noise.) >*I'll have to do >something before he leaves. If those two get him alone with them, >there's no telling what they'll do.* PETER: That give me a VERY bad mental image, there! XEL(clutching head): Must . . . resist . . . mental . . . image . . . >----------------------------------------------------------------------------------- >------------------------ >"Where is it?" ALL(singing): Where, o , werewolf . . . I’ve looked everywhere, wolf . . . >the universe's greatest scientest, AYEKA: who lost the capitalization to her title. >having released Sasami on an >outpatient basis with the assuriance that she isn't a lesbian ALL(bored): Yaaay. >(which was true after all, bisexuals aren't *technically* lesbians), ALL BUT PETER & XEL(whining): Oh NO! PETER(shrugging): Could be worse. XEL: How? PETER: Washu could’ve wanted to test her theory further. *PLOOOOOOT!* *thunk* (You know what happened.) >was now trying to locate another experiment. PRISS(Washu with a redneck accent): Ryoko, where ya all hidin’? >"The record shows it was >stored back in normal space, in the closet. But it's not there! *sigh* >I guess I'll just have to scan for its molecular pattern around the >house. (Xelloss’ head finishes regenerating, and he pulls himself back up.) >That'll take a while, but if it's been used, the effects could be >quite disastrous for the inhabitants." ALL(staring blankly at the screen): . . . . . . . . . . >she thought about it for a >second. Then again, it would give me some *very* interesting >information, and I might finally get than pesky sample." ALL(still staring blankly): . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . >thinking about the possibility some more, she started to giggle, then >laugh maniacally. ALL(monotone): Be afraid . . . Be very afraid . . . >---------------------------------------------------------------------------------- >------------------------- >*Moan* PETER: Here it comes! OTHERS: PETER! PETER: Sorry. >*Why can't I get it down?* ALL(singing disco): Get down! Boogie-oogie-oogie! . . . >Tenchi had tried everything he could think of to get rid >of this erection, but it just stayed there. (Priss gets an evil smile on her face.) PETER: Priss, in the name of all that is holy, NO!!! >And it was starting to >hurt! His thoughts were soon interrupted by some strange sounds >from behind a certain door. XEL(dog): I wonder what’s behind the green door. >Curious, he leaned closer. His eyes >widened and his breathing grew slightly raspy. "Oh Mihoshi, >YES" *giggle* "Right there! Oh don't stop! *moan* Oh Yes Yes >Yes *pant*..." (Peter, Priss, Ranma, and Xelloss all look toward Ayeka, and notice that her head is spinning around like Linda Blair, from “The Exorcist”.) PETER: Ayeka, just try to calm down. Just say the chant, like you’re supposed to, okay? AYEKA(head still spinning): I am going to kill the author. I am going to kill the author. I am going to kill the author. I am going to kill the author. I am going to kill the author . . . PETER(large sweatdrop on the back of his head): That’s . . . Not the chant I was talking about. >he was interrupted just as a drop of blood fell from >his nose by some movement at the end of the hall. RANMA: What’s his nose doing all the way over there? >"Ack" he dashed around the nearest corner, shaking slightly, >trying to supress the urge to stroke himself. *wait, what am I afraid of? PRISS: Being a pervert, maybe? >I'm just walking down the hall, right?* with that, he resumed his >course down the hall to the bathroom to try his last resort for the >current rather...large... problem. PETER(deep voice): I’M HUGE!! >He had just about stopped shaking by the time he turned the >corner..... and ran right into Aeka. RANMA(Ayeka as Dr. Tofu): Why Lord Tenchi, what a pleasant surprise running into you here, of all places. >"Oh, I'm uh, sorry, ex..excuse me" being that close to her was >*not* helping him with his.. problem. PRISS: His supposedly LARGE problem. >"Oh, excuse me, Lord Tenchi but, RANMA(Aeka): Is that a tentacle in your pocket, or are you On a Plate of Sashimi? . . . (Realizes what he just said.) ARRRGH! >I was just looking for you" "hmm? what about?" XEL(Aeka): It’s about your lack of capitalization in your sentences. PETER(ditto): Oh, and I also have something to solve your … problem. It involves chains, whips, and candle wax. >"well..," she hesitated, PETER: Hey, Ranma! Is Ayeka’s nose bleeding? (Ranma notices that Ayeka’s nose IS bleeding, and she seems to have zoned out.) RANMA: Yeah, and she fainted, to! AYEKA(quietly, while blushing): T-Tenchi . . . whips . . . chains . . . ooh! . . . >"there is something I wish..to show you." "w..what?" he >replied, trying to controll the sudden inexplicable urge rising >within him. "a..Jurian custom PRISS(Aeka): It’s called capitalizing sentences. >I believe you should be aware of" she >answered, fighting a similer urge. "o..ok, where.. is it" the urge was >getting stronger, and he was now barely keeping his body >upright. PETER: Oh come on! It can’t be THAT big!! >"In m..my...." she was immediately cut short as they both >succumbed to the inevitable PRISS: Translation; the author said “Screw the dialogue”, and decided to go straight to the sex. >and collapsed into a tight and passionate embrace, kissing eagerly. PETER: You’re right, Priss. >somehow, Aeka managed to break away and began leading >Tench off in a half-walk half-run. "Come, XEL(Tenchi): Um, I think I already did . . . sorry. >it can't wait", she explained, her voice shaky with >barely contained desire. PETER(Scotty): Och! She canna take much moore o’ this, cap’m! Ifin she goes on anna longar, she’ll blow up! AYEKA(still slightly in la-la land): Y-you got that right. >Tenchi mumbled a reply and followed >obediently, his urgent mental protests silenced >immediately. *What's happening to me* he managed to think as he >was being led off. AYEKA(without warning): This is by far the BEST fan fic in the world!! I award this story ten stars!!!! (The other MST group members, and even Xelloss, stare at Ayeka, nervously.) I am sorry. I have no idea what just got into me. >----------------------------------------------------------------------------------- >------------------------ >Beep....Beep...Beep..Beep..BEEEEP RANMA(Dr. McCoy): It’s dead, Jim! PRISS: Good. >*the spice cabinet* *sigh* *This is not a good sign* PETER: Wait just a minute! Are three people thinking, or is it just one person? >thought the greatest >scientific geinus in the universe as she looked apprehensively at the >cabinet her scanner pointed to. Small ammounts of the substance >had been detected throughout the house, XEL: due to the occasions when Nobuyuki goes insane, and starts dancing while flinging spice all around in his merriment. >but the largest deposit was >directly in front of her, inside the spice cabinet. Hesitantly she >opened the cabinet and withdrew the small blue cylander >containing her newly concocted aphrodisiac. PRISS: Who saw this one coming? (Everyone raises their hands.) Thought so. >It was half full. AYEKA: Or was it half empty? >As the color drained from the redhead's face, Noboyuki, of all >people, walked in. PETER(goofy announcer): Watch the comedic hijinks ensue! >"Hello washu, you're out of the lab alre.." he began PRISS: And then Washu killed him. >"DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT YOU'VE DONE, YOU BABOON?!?" PRISS: Then again, maybe not. >"I..don..we..I..bu" he stammered in reply, coweing >behind the table RANMA: Nobuyuki; Weenie Of Action!! > " AYEKA: And there is that quotation mark, again. >she started to berate him some more, but then >realized something and switched tactics. XEL: She started clubbing him, like the rest of the Anime Port 9 cast did to Peter, after he released his top ten Tenchi Muyo ‘Worst Case Scenarios’ and in turn gave Tank Cop ideas. PETER(fidgeting): Don’t remind me, Xelloss! >"You may have cost your only son his virginity!" she accused. >"But I, wha..?" "right now he's probably off screwing someone!" AYEKA: Normally I would have a problem with this, but in this case . . . . (Blushes deep red.) >"wow.. but how would he get over his PETER(Nobuyuki): shyness he inherited from me? >..and how do you know he PETER(Nobuyuki): is screwing someone’s brains out? >.." "This!" she held up the jar in his face. "The sauce? but I thought >it was just a.." she seemed determined not to let him finish a sentence today. PRISS: Washu; Annoying Elf Of Action!! >"It's not a sauce! It's a brilliant experiment! You're >just lucky it's non-toxic or you'd probabl all be AYEKA(Washu): spelling words like I am! >dead right now." "Oh" he replied sheepishly. "Then >what is it?" "It's a potent and highly concentrated aphrodisiac." she >snapped. "created by yours truly" she stood proudly. ALL(bored): Yaaay. >"But we all had some. PETER: Actually, Washu and Sasami were in Washu’s lab, so they should not be affected. >Does that mean we're.. RANMA(Nobuyuki): in a Lemon fan fic? >" "horny as hell" XEL: That’s one way of putting it, yes. >"I guess that means I'd better go back to my room and sleep it off" >"Actually" she said, whipping out the scanner, PETER(Washu): You’ll be ‘up’ for months! AYEKA, PRISS, & RANMA: PETER!! XEL(chuckling to himself): I’ve got to remember that one. >"you've ingested enough to keep you >horny for about 3 days, without.. relief" a tempting possibility >crossed her mind. ALL: . . . . . . . . . (They realize what the possibility IS.) NO!!!! >"3 days?! You mean I'll have to be grounded for.." PRISS: I thought he was technically the owner of the house. How are they supposed to ground him? PETER: Don’t ask. It’s not pretty. >"Not necessarily." an evil grin spread across her deceptively >kawaii face. (Xelloss clutches his head, trying to keep it from exploding. The rest of the MST group pulls out vomit bags.) >"I could.. speed up the process if you came to my >lab" ALL BUT XEL(throwing up): *BLEEEAAARGH!!!* XEL(straining): Must . . . contain . . . pain . . . >"As long as I don't need to do anything painful." "Oh, it >shouldn't be particularly painful.. For you or me" she added almost >silently. ALL BUT XEL(still throwing up): *BLURRGH!!!* XEL(straining): Scene! . . . almost! . . . . over! . . . >"Well, ok" "Excellent!" she exclaimed. "Right this way >then" He followed obediently, just like his son. XEL(relieved that the scene is finally over): Whew! PETER(lifting his face from the vomit bag): Could you imagine what would happen if she gets pregnant!?! *PLOOOOOOT!!!* (Xelloss’ head explodes, yadda-yadda-yadda.) AYEKA(lifting her face from her vomit bag): I have the strangest feeling you did that on purpose, Peter. PETER(Xelloss): I’m afraid THAT, is a secret. ^_^ >------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ >----------------------- >Ryoko sat in her spot on the roof and thought. AYEKA: Smoke and sparks flew out of her ears, as she did. >She tried to think of a plan to get Tenchi tonight. AYEKA(angrily): HEY!! PETER, PRISS, & RANMA: So what else is new? AYEKA: Oh, shut up! >She tried not to think of the desire growing within her. PETER(Austin Powers): Does he make you horny, baby? Does he? OTHERS(excluding the still headless Xelloss): PETER!! RANMA(to Peter): Hey, I thought you hated Austin Powers. PETER: I do, Ranma. But I couldn’t resist the joke. >It wasn't working. *Well, there's always the direct approach* PRISS(sarcastically): Oh yeah, that worked really well before. >*Then again I've been trying that since I've been here.* >*Mabie if I AYEKA(Ryoko): learned how to spell. >acted uninterested?* *Then he'd probably be relieved* PETER: No, he’d be confused. >*He might have a dormant sense of voyeurism I could >play off* XEL(finally regenerated): Ah-ha-ha. She must be related to Washu, if she believes THAT. >*That sounds like the best chance yet* >*So how do I trigger it?* The pirate's yellow feral eyes >twinkeled RANMA: What’s ‘twinkeled’? >as they looked into the darkness as a distinct plan formed >behind them. PETER: And if she had her plan in her brain instead of behind her eyes, it might have a chance of working. >-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- >------------------- >Tenchi felt very very dry. XEL(Tenchi, drunk and singing): How dry I am . . . *hic* How dry I am . . . *hic* How dry I am . . . *hic* (Hit by Peter.) *WHACK!* PETER: Sorry, Xelloss. Your track was skipping. >At least he'd been let out of the chains. >From what he'd heard that was probably against some >custom. But if she hadn't indulged him that small convenience, he >might have had to put up with being dehydrated until he managed >to get to the kitchen for a drink. (Ayeka whips out a memo pad, and a pen.) AYEKA(as she writes a note to herself): Remember to have refreshments on hand, so I do not need to unchain my beloved due to any dehydration on either of our parts . . . >Maybe another round or two. He >surreptitiously closed the door and turned to go down the >stairs. The trip was uneventful until he reached his destination, the >kitchen. PRISS(announcer): And now, for the main event!!! >*I really have to do something about these nosebleeds* RANMA: When did Ryoga get into this fic? >After recovering from the initial shock, he scooped his >jaw off the floor and continued to stare, transfixed. PETER: And HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEER’S Ryoko!! ALL(bored): Yaaay. >Ryoko was >sprawled out on a set of chairs, her eyes closed. The provrbial >jaybird was wearing more than she had on. PRISS(Tenchi): Oh great! She’s been sleep stripping again!! >*I really ought to get out >of here before she wakes up.* He tried to turn around, but his >knees stayed planted on the floor, RANMA: due to the Crazy Glue placed on his kneecaps. >having given out by now. His >head swimming, he slowly, shakily, PETER(Tenchi): Don’t get touchy, I’m just a little stretchy! >reached out to touch her. AYEKA(angrily): Ahem! >He froze for a second as she shifted slightly, and then, unable to >controll himself any longer, he brought his hand to her opening, >reveling in the sensation for several seconds. AYEKA: I now take back all of the good things I had said about this story. >Sunnedly, AYEKA: And I stand firmly by all the bad things I said. >she sprung to life, PETER(Dr. Frankenstine): She’s alive! ALIVE!! >and he pulled back reflexively. "Hmmm, I knew you had it >in you Tenchi." RANMA: Check please! >she licked her lips and leaned over in his face. (Priss makes the sound of a car crash.) >Tenchi managed to stammer something incoherant ALL: This fic? >while staring up at Ryoko's unbelievably sexy body. >"Awww, can't speak? I guess I'm a little too much for you, hmm?" XEL: Well, anything over a mouthful is a waist. PRISS: Girls think the same about guys. PETER, RANMA, & XEL: . . . . . . . >she giggled with >pleasure as, for once, he didn't resist while she scooped him up. A >new idea came to her suddenly, AYEKA: Causing her head to explode, due to the overload of information. PRISS(to Ayeka): A tad bitter, I see. AYEKA: Just a bit. >and she sent a telepathicsignal XEL: Try saying that, ten times fast. OTHERS: That, ten times fast. XEL: . . . . . . . . . . . . >while floating her soon-to-be lover out the door. "Miya!" the cabbit, >responding to her mistress's call, approached them eagerly. PETER(to the author): No you idiot! Don’t include the cabbit in this too!! AYEKA, PRISS, & RANMA: PETER!!! *PLOOOT!!* (Xelloss’ head explodes, sending confetti and streamers flying around the theater.) >"What are you?.." RANMA(Ryo-oh-ki): I’m a cabbit. >Tenchi seemed to have gotten his voice back. "We're going up PRISS(Ryoko): up, and away!! >" she said as she disengaged herself from Tenchi. AYEKA(to Tenchi in the fan fic): RUN!!! >She scooped up her spaceship and threw it into the air. PETER: I guess she IS as strong as her fans claim. >"Miyaaaaaooooo" XEL(head regenerated): Ricoooooooooooolaaaaaaaaaaa! >the cabbit transformed quickly into its ship form >and immediately transported the couple on the ground inside >itself. ALL(confused): Uhhhhh . . . . . RANMA: I’m still confused over the fact that she was a ship when Ryoko threw her up into the air. >"This is a night you'll remember forever" the space pirate >traced her finger around Tenchi's chest as they dematerialized. >----------------------------------------------------------------------------------- >---------------------- >*That's strange* thought the young azure-haired >princess as she sat under the great tree's branches. "I wonder whu >Ryo-Ohki's in ship form now? Oh well..." PETER(Tor Johnson): Time for go to bed! >she turned her mind >once more towards the reason she had come out to Ryu-Oh in the >first place. PETER: Well that’s going to be kind of difficult since Ryu-Oh is either a small sapling, or a tree in the middle of a lake. >"Well" she speculated "if I can feel for anybody, I guess >It might even be better than just being normal." as she got up and >started to return to the house, she noticed her sister walking quickly >towards the tree. PRISS(Sasami): Aeka! Watch out for that- RANMA(sound of a tree being hit): Thunk! PRISS(Sasami): Tree . . . AYEKA: Not funny. >"What is it Oneesama?" Sasami asked eagerly. XEL(Aeka): It’s a tree. >"Have you seen Tenchi recently Sasami?" the princess looked >slightly worried. "No, I haven't, mabie you could ask Ryoko when >she comes out." the older girl wore a confused look. PETER: It really wasn’t her color at all. >"Up there, I'm >sure Ryoko's inside Ryo-ohki." she pointed towards the small >crystaline shape in the sky. *hmm...* Aeka stood staring into the >sky as her sister walked away. Suddenly, her eyes widened as >she realized something. AYEKA: This lemon really took a big turn for the worst. >The princess of Jurai's cry filled the night. "RRYYYOOOKKOOOOO!!" PETER(answering machine): I’m sorry, but Ryoko’s busy right now. I’m sure that after she’s done with Tenchi, she’ll get back to your call as soon as- (Ayeka’s whip wraps around his waist.) possible? (Ayeka flings Peter up into the air.) AIIIIEEEEEEEEEEE!!! >****************************************************** >***************************************************** (Priss makes machine gun noises.) *RATTA-TA-TA-TA-TA-TA-TA-TA-TA-TA-TA-TA-TA-TA-TAT!!!!!* PRISS: Darn it! I missed. >So, how was it? PETER(falling): LOOK OUT BELOW!!! *WHUMP!* (The entire group give the ‘O.K.’ hand signal, even Peter, who falls head first into his seat.) ALL(Peter a bit warily): It STINKS! >if you don't want GenSao's page to get cluttered >with these things, tell me, ALL(monotone): We don’t want GenSao’s page to get cluttered with these things. >who knows, I might actually care. ALL: Oh. >Once again, this my first attempt at a fanfic, AYEKA: And it shows. >so please don't be too cruel. PRISS: Cruel? Who? Us? (They all start up with their evil laughter.) AYEKA: OH-HO-HO-HO-HO-HO-HO!!! RANMA(Happosai): Neyh-heh-heh-heh!!! PRISS: BWA-HA-HA-HA-HA!!! XEL(Joker): AH-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA!!! PETER(Krankor): HEH . . . HEH . . . HEH . . . HEH!!! >No matter what you say, I'm probably going to write another fanfic, AYEKA(deadpan): Oh the humanity. >so... untill next time! RANMA: Not if we’re lucky. PETER: Since when are WE lucky, Ranma? RANMA: Good point. PRISS: Lets just get out of here before B-ko decides to play the next fic while we’re still in here! ALL: Right! (They all exit the theater.) ======================================================= The MST group stands around Xelloss, who is seated in a chair. “Why did you come here?” asks Peter. “THAT, is a secret.” Replies Xelloss. “And why are you not out in deep space, with Ksawarrior?” asks Ayeka. “THAT, is a secret.” Replies Xelloss. “And why come here, when we’re doing our MST?” asks Priss “THAT, is a secret.” Replies Xelloss. “Are you ever going to say anything else, other than ‘THAT, is a secret’?” asks Ranma. “THAT, is a secret.” Replies Xelloss. “Why do we even bother?” asks Ayeka, to herself. “THAT, is a secret.” Replies Xelloss. “Why is the sky blue?” asks Peter. “THAT, is a secret.” Replies Xelloss. “Is that your nose, or did you try to pick your nose with a pineapple?” asks Priss. “THAT, is a secret.” Replies Xelloss. “What are you doing?” asks B-ko, walking by. “THAT, is a secret.” Replies Xelloss. “Playing twenty questions, with Xelloss.” Says Peter. “Really? How many questions are you up to, so far?” asks B-ko. “THAT, is a secret.” Replies Xelloss. “The hell if I know, he’s the one keeping count.” Says Peter, pointing at Xelloss. “Okay. . . Have fun.” Says B-ko, as she enters the control booth. “Are we going to stop this, soon?” asks Ranma. “THAT, is a secret.” Replies Xelloss. “How else are we going to pass the time?” asks Ayeka. “THAT, is a secret.” Replies Xelloss. “Are you aware that I just set fire to your cape?” asks Priss. “THAT, is a secret.” Replies Xelloss. “Who’s the wise guy!? Who’s the wise guy!?” asks Peter. “THAT, is a secret.” Replies Xelloss. “Please sir, might we have our pool back?” asks Ayeka, with a British accent. “THAT, is a secret.” Replies Xelloss. “You do know, you’re on fire now, right?” asks Ranma. “THAT, is a secr-AAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!” Xelloss jumps out of the chair, and starts running around the room. “Wow! Look at him go!” says Peter. “I never realized how combustible the monster race was.” “HELP ME!! HELP ME!! PUT ME OUT!! I’M FLAIMING!! MAYDAY!! MAYDAY!!” yells Xelloss. Suddenly, the signal to start blared. *In the jungle, the mighty jungle, the lion sleeps tonight!* *SHUT UP, I’M TRYING TO SLEEP!!!* As the MST group heads back to the theater, Peter asks Xelloss “We’re going in now. Are you going to be okay?” “THAT- ARRRRRRGH!!! WHATTA WORLD!!! WHATTA WORLD!!!” replies Xelloss. “Okay.” Says Peter, as he enters into the theater. ======================================================= (The MST group are all seated in the theater. Xelloss stumbles in, smoke coming off of him.) XEL(sarcastic): Gee, thanks for helping me out there, guys. OTHERS: You’re welcome. ^_^ PETER: Hey, the fic is starting! >Tenchi Muyo! H Adventures Series PRISS(announcer): Or, The Continuing Adventures Of The Letter “H”. >Send all feedback to warpzone32@hotmail.com. RANMA: Hey, Peter. Isn’t he the guy who you gave those ideas- PETER: Quiet, Ranma! I’m in enough deep do-do as it is, since I released my “Worst Case Scenario” top ten list! >WARNING! Lemon! ALL(bored): Yaaay. >Lemon! RANMA: Uh, you already said that. >Lemon! AYEKA: We know. Move it along, please. >Lemon! PRISS: We get the idea! Cut it out! >Lemon! Lemon! Lemon! Lemon! Lemon! Lemon! Lemon! PETER & XEL(chanting): Froinlaven! Froinlaven! Froinlaven! (Turn toward each other nervously. Realize they have been both chanting at the same time. Shrug, and return to chanting.) Froinlaven! Froinlaven! Froinlaven! ... >Lemon! Lemon! Lemon! Lemon! Lemon! Lemon! Lemon! Lemon! >Lemon! Lemon! Lemon! Lemon! Lemon! Lemon! Lemon! Lemon! >Lemon! Lemon! Lemon! Lemon! Lemon! Lemon! Lemon! Lemon! >Lemon! Lemon! Lemon! Lemon! Lemon! Lemon! Lemon! Lemon! >Lemon! Lemon! Lemon! Lemon! Lemon! Lemon! Lemon! Lemon! PRISS(sarcastically): I think he’s trying to tell us something. AYEKA: Really? >Lemon! Lemon! Lemon! Lemon! Lemon! Lemon! Lemon! Lemon! >Lemon! Lemon! Lemon! Lemon! Lemon! Lemon! Lemon! Lemon! >Lemon! Lemon! Lemon! Lemon! Lemon! Lemon! Lemon! Lemon! RANMA: I’m hungry. >Lemon! Lemon! Lemon! Lemon! Lemon! Lemon! Lemon! Lemon! >Lemon! Lemon! Lemon! Lemon! Lemon! Lemon! Lemon! Lemon! >Lemon! Lemon! Lemon! Lemon! Lemon! Lemon! Lemon! Lemon! >Lemon! Lemon! Lemon! Lemon! Lemon! Lemon! Lemon! Lemon! >Lemon! Lemon! Lemon! Lemon! Lemon! Lemon! Lemon! Lemon! >Lemon! Lemon! Lemon! Lemon! Lemon! Lemon! Lemon! XEL(author): If I’ve told you once, I’ve told you a hundred times, Lemon! >Carrot. PETER(sarcastic): WOAH! This is a ‘Carrot’ fic? At first you had me thinking this was a Lemon Fic, but now I know. AYEKA: And knowing is half the battle . . . What the hey? >=^_^= RANMA(jumping behind his seat): C-C-C-C-CAAAAAAAAAAT!!!! >EPISODE 4: NO NEED FOR Tenticales! PETER: WELL THAT’S JUST fine! Oh, Ranma, you can come out now. RANMA(getting back into his seat, via very fancy flip): Thanks. AYEKA(looking through a dictionary): That is not how ‘tentacles’ is spelled. XEL: Tentacles? I’m beginning to like this Fic already. PRISS(to Xelloss): Shut up. >Washuu PETER: Okay, Ayeka. Go ahead. Get it out of your system. AYEKA: Thank you, Peter. (Takes a deep breath.) WASHU IS SPELLED WITH FIFTEEN "U"S DAMNIT!!!!!. Thank you. (Bows.) B-KO(in the control booth): We now return you to your regularly scheduled lemon, already in progress. ALL(bored): Yaaay. >smiled as the computer simulation took form in the holographic field before >her. A small patch of light floated before her, replicating a section >of her lab down to the smallest detail. Images of herself, Tenchi, >and the other women spoke and moved about, every detail XEL(Washuu, hologram): Come on, Tenchi! You promised to be my Guinea pig! AYEKA(hologram): Unhand him right this minute, Miss Washuu! PRISS(Ryoko, hologram): Yeah, and give him to me instead! RANMA(Tenchi, hologram): Let me go!! PETER(Mihoshi, hologram): Hi! XEL(Washuu, hologram): MIHOSHI?!? How’d you get in here!?! PETER(Mihoshi, hologram): I used the door. >meticulously re-created from security recordings, sensor readouts >of other experiments, computer-model algorithms, and Washuu's >own brilliant deductions. PETER(to the control booth): B-ko! B-KO(in the control booth): Yes? PETER: Is there any such thing as ‘computer-model algorithms’? B-KO: . . . . . . . I have no idea what you just said. PETER: Okay, just checking. >A small timer floated in the top- >northwest quadrant of the display, XEL: My how time flies, when you’re watching lemons. AYEKA: That is supposed to be, how time ‘drags’ when you are watching lemons. >showing a timer counting down >from minus-twelve seconds. PETER(NASA control person): Twelve seconds to launch. RANMA: Lunch? >The image of Washuu lovered a gun at >tenchi and pulled the trigger. XEL(Sasami): Do we have to put Tenchi down, Washuu? PRISS(Washuu): Yes, we have to put him out of his misery. AYEKA(to Priss and Xelloss): Shut up. >"Nooooo! I won't let you..." Tenchi cried RANMA(Tenchi, crying): I don’t wanna die! WHAAAAAAAAH!! (Hit by Ayeka.) *THWAP!* Ow! >as the image flashed white and the counter reached zero and >began counting up. ALL(confused): Um . . . Okay. >"There it is!" Washuu rewound the simulation .yakO . . . mU:(desufnoc)LLA !wO *!PAWHT* (.akeyA yb tiH) !!HAAAAAAAAHW !eid annaw t’nod I :(gniyrc ,ihcneT)AMNAR >and started again, RANMA(Tenchi, crying): I don’t wanna die! WHAAAAAAAAH!! (Hit by Ayeka.) *THWAP!* Ow! ALL(REALLY confused): . . . . . . . . . RANMA: What the heck just happened? PETER: I . . . don’t know. >this time switching the view from visible light >mode to H-radiation mode. PETER: That’s a listing of radiation you sure won’t see in physics class. >H-waves radiated from the gun in a >cone-shaped path towards Tenchi... XEL(Beldar): Consume mass quantities! PRISS: Wrong cone. (A loud growl sounds through the theater.) *GAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!* AYEKA: What in the eight systems was that!?!? RANMA: My stomach. Sorry. >then suddenly flickered around >his figure in a sphereical pattern... PETER(Ash): Pokeball GO! >then H-waves shot out in all >directions from around tenchi, PRISS: killing everyone instantly. AYEKA(crossed): Priss! PRISS: What? >and the gun began to overload... XEL(Scotty): Och! She canna take any more o’ this, cap’m! PETER: We already did that joke, Xelloss. XEL: So? That’s never stopped you guys before. AYEKA & PRISS: Don’t call us guys!! PETER(sighing): Not this, again! >"So that's it! Tenchi used the Light Hawk Wings!" PETER: Which is almost as bad of a plot device as the infamous “Tsunami Effect”. >Washuu was excited, and in more ways than one. ALL(deadpan): We didn’t need to know that. >Brillinat discoveries PRISS: and less than ‘brillinat’ spelling, >seldom excited her body to this degree unless Tenchi was involved, AYEKA(angrily): You will pay for that one, Washuu. PETER: It’s not really her up there, Ayeka. AYEKA: I know, but it makes me feel better. >but still... to think, he had actually used the powers of the Light Hawk >right in her lab! RANMA: She was so happy, she wet herself! OTHERS: Ranma!! PETER: Leave the golden shower references to me! OTHERS: Peter!! >With her monitoring equipment watching! PRISS: Peter. PETER: Yes, Priss? PRISS: If you make a hermaphrodite joke, I’ll twist your neck around so many times your head will fall off. PETER(large sweatdrop on the back of his head): I see. >Oh, if only she'd had her dimmensional sub-space satelite pointed at this >planet when it had happened... but, alas, it had been floating over >the third planet of her lab when the incident occured. AYEKA: I have often wondered, does she actually work all of the time she is in her lab, or is she lost somewhere in her lab, while she is down there. RANMA(Washuu as Ryoga Hibiki): WHERE ON EARTH AM I NOW!?!?!?! >Oh well, now >she knew why Tenchi hadn't been affected, as well as why the gun >had malfunctioned. It also explained why she had been feeling so >damn horny recently. ALL: . . . . . . . . . . . >"Well well, mission accomplished, as >ususal!" Washuu giggled to herself. Then, she suddenly stopped. It >was too quiet. PRISS(Washuu): Oh drat! I’m in a lemon, right? >"HEY! What's wrong with you guys!?" Wahsuu ALL: Gesundheit! >emptied her pockets, spilling, among other things, two totally >inactive, super-deforemed Washuu dolls. "Speak to meeeee! Praise >me! I command you!" XEL(Washuu): I’ll give you cookies, if you do! >Washuu noticed something else that had >fallen out of her pockets. It was about two feet long, covered with >bumps and had a big buldge at one and, and a slight corkscrew >shape to the tip... *PLOOOOT!!!* (Xelloss head explodes, sending streamers and confetti flying around the theater. His headless body falls down to the floor.) *thunk!* (Bonus points to whoever knows where I got that head exploding joke, from. Hint; it’s not from Tom Servo. - - Peter Suzuki.) PETER: That is NOT a lemon I would ever want to see. OTHERS(excluding Xelloss): Amen. >"Oh yeah... I forgot, I took out their batteries for >this thing..." Washuu snuggled the vibrator, which was still a bit >sticky from the last time she had used it PRISS: three minutes ago. RANMA: Ick! PETER(to Priss): Leave the hentai comments to me, okay? >. "A deviant lab worker's best friend! PETER: No, no, no. You’re thinking of a dopey lab assistant. _That’s_ a vibrator. XEL(to Peter): And what would you know about ‘deviant lab workers’? PETER(Xelloss): I’m afraid THAT, is a secret! ^_^ XEL(staring at Peter, nervously): And people call ME weird . . . >But I'm not in the mood for you right now..." Washuu >removed the batteries and dropped the custom-designed vibrator >into a hole in space. She put the batteries into the two Chibi- >Washuus, ALL(staring in bleak horror): . . . . . . . . PRISS(whispering to herself): Please, oh please don’t let her be in the ‘mood’ for those two . . . >and flipped their switches on. PETER(Chibi-Washuu A, as Crow T. Robot): Yes. RANMA(Chibi-Washuu B, as Tom Servo): Yes. PETER(Chibi-Washuu A, as Crow): Yes. RANMA(Chibi-Washuu B, as Tom, pointing at Washuu): You are the one! The gods have picked YOU! PETER(Chibi-Washuu A, as Crow): YOU are Coatimundi Man! XEL(head finally regenerated): I wish I had thought of that joke. AYEKA(to Xelloss): You can help with the next one. XEL: Thanks. >"The investigation has been concluded!" she announced to their cheers, PRISS(Chibi-Washuu A): You are Washu! You’re an idiot! AYEKA(Chibi-Washuu B): You are Washu! You are a moron! AYEKA & PRISS(Chibi-Washuus A and B, singing): Washu! Washu! You’re an ass! Get a hair cut, Washuuuuu!! XEL(Washuu): Oops! I put the batteries in backwards again! >"I am going to celebrate by visiting the Hemorphopod Scion. RANMA: A what? PETER: Hermorphopod Scion. A tentacle creature. RANMA: Oh . . . Sorry I asked. >You are to wait here until my return. See you in a few.... in five hours." AYEKA: I think I am going to be sick. PRISS: I already am. >"Farewell, mistress!" Both the chibi-washuu mechas cooed. RANMA: Oh, so they’re ‘mechas’ now? PETER: They got promoted. >"Have fun playing with your pet, Washuu!" "We'll miss you, Washuu!" PRISS: Well, if you just got gun sights, that wouldn’t happen! >they each screamed in turn. XEL: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEE!!!!! OTHERS(to Xelloss): What!?!?! XEL: Scream test. ^_^ >"Heh heh heh..." Washuu cackled evilly to >herself. "It's been a while... I bet he's grown so..." PETER: Well, that IS the basic idea of a lemon. OTHERS: PETER!! PETER: It’s a lemon fic. Live with it. >=^w^= ALL(singing): Wonder Woman!! >Washuu stepped up to the edge of the catwalk, which ended in a sheer >dropoff. RANMA: Hurry up and end it all, so we can go eat!!! PRISS(to Ranma): Bitter? RANMA: I get grouchy when I’m hungry. >For miles below, the meatl-walled RANMA(drooling slightly): ‘Meat-walled’? PETER(pulling a can of ‘Pringles’ out of his jacket): Ranma, catch! (Tosses the can to Ranma.) RANMA(easily catching the can): Hey, thanks!! (Opens the can, and starts eating.) >cylindrical holding tank >below her stretched, so deep that the bottom was shrouded in >darkness. The metal ledge she stood at was at the top of the tank. >Behind her, she heard the door hiss shut and lock. PRISS(Chibi-Washuu A): Finally, we trapped her! PETER: I hope Washu isn’t watching this MST, or we might be watching the next fic, as a bunch of kappas. >For some reason, the idea of being sealed in with the creature always made it >that much more fun to her. She had no idea why. AYEKA: Maybe it had something to do with the fact that it was a tentacle monster, made to do unspeakable acts of sexual horror to her? >Wasn't she always safe with such a tame creature, either way? ALL: No. >Couldn't she get >out at any time, by overriding the lock? Maybe it was the fact that >she herself was locking the door that made her panties get just a >little bit wetter. PETER: Oh wait, that was because she forgot to put them in the drier, after she washed them. >Washuu blushed as she considered her current >attire. She was dressed, head to toe, in a classic schoolgirl's sailor fuku. PETER: Hey, Ranma! She’s using one of the disguises, you use to fool Ryoga. RANMA(eating chips, and trying not to look at the fic): Shut up, Peter. >From the innocent, virgin-white cotton panties and training >bra to the socks to the ribbon in her hair. Her skirt hung down >modestly past her knees, and on her face she wore a small, petite >pair of reading glasses. In her hands she carried a bento tied with a >string. She looked the very picture of innoncence. PRISS: Sure. Uh-huh. Yeah right. >Only two creatures could ever suspect that beneath Washuu's innocent >constume, her panties were slowly getting a wet spot on them from >her sexual arousal, and one of those creatures was Washuu. XEL: The other was a Untied States senator. >The other one slowly awakened from it's sleep. PETER(Washuu): PSSSIT! Hey! Wake up! I’m horny again! XEL(Hermorphopod Scion): Again!? When did you STOP being horny?! >Washuu could hear it >slowly slithering up the walls. One by one, tenticles began to >appear from the dark pit, hanging onto the sides of the tank and >climbing, pulling the bulk of the creature up from its resting place >at the bottom of its tank. RANMA(putting the chips away): Okay, I’ve lost my appetite now. >Slowly, the main bulk of the creature made itself apparent, ALL(badly dubbed): AAAH! IT IS GODZILLA! AAAH! GODZILLA! WE MUST FLEE THE CITY! AAAH! GODZILLA! WE MUST FLEE! OR THE GODS WILL HAVE OUR SOULS! AAAH! GODZILLA! WE MUST FLEE I TELL YOU! . . . >a writhing mound of tenticles, some as much >as a foot thick, most as narrow as one or two inches. PRISS: Some were also as long as they were wide. >They were all connected together, somewhere. AYEKA(singing): Somewhere out there, the tentacle monster lays . . . . (Realizes what she is doing.) I have been hanging around Peter too long. >What looked like a pit filled with slithering snakes RANMA(Indiana Jones): I hate snakes!! >was actually, Washuu knew, all one gaint creature. XEL(radio announcer): Who knows what thing lurks in the bottom of the lab. The Washuu knows! MUH-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA!!! >It was her pet she had genetically engineered, raised, and >trained lovingly. PETER: So except for that last part, it’s the same as Ryoko. AYEKA: Peter, how many times must we tell you, do NOT give the authors any ideas! PETER: D’oh! Sorry. I forgot. >It knew its mistress well. And it was only too >eager to play with her. "Ooooh, what IS this thing!?" PRISS: Unfortunately, its mistress didn’t know IT very well. >Washuu moaned in a sarcastic little girlie voice, RANMA: And people say I’M a bad actor. PETER(director): And, ACTION! XEL(Washuu, woodenly): Oh no! It’s some kind of monster! Oh no! Help! A horrible monster is going to attack me, and rape me! Oh no! PETER(director): CUT! *sigh* Forget it. Let’s just scrap the whole thing. >"Some kind of horrible monster! Stay back! What do you >want from me?" Washuu cringed sadronically PRISS(Hermorphopod Scion): Duh, friend!! AYEKA: ‘Sadronically’? What kind of dictionary was the author using when he wrote this? >and put her hands to the sides of her face, as tenticles >wrapped around her wrists and ankles and carefully lifter her from >her perch on the catwalk. AYEKA(Hermorphopod Scion): I will pet her, and lover her, and call her- HEY! What the hootenanny am I doing!?!?! PETER: Maybe the fic is getting to you. Just relax, and take a breather. B-ko! B-KO(in the control booth): What? PETER: Ayeka’s taking this fic pretty badly. I’m letting her rest for a few moments. Just send her back in when she’s better. B-KO(skeptical): Okay, but it’ll be when I think she’s better. You can exit the theater now, Ayeka. AYEKA(getting up a bit shakily): Thank you. (Ayeka shuffles to the door. She really does look like she is not feeling good.) RANMA: Hey, Peter, why can Ayeka go out, and not us? PETER: If _I_ think you guys are not taking this well, THEN I’ll send you out. PRISS & RANMA: Ah, poopie! XEL: I’m not feeling good, can I- PETER(to Xelloss): No. XEL: Ah, poopie! PETER: Honestly, being the leader can be tough some times. >"No! Stop, let me go!" Washuu screamed >with a big grin on her face, and started to kick and scream and >struggle uselessly. One of her shoes fell off from her efforts, and >she watched it drop into the pit. PETER(Washuu): Uh, could you get that for me? Thanks! Now where was I? Oh yeah! Help! A big, monster’s got me! >"Help! A big, slimy monster's got >me! It's big and gross with *all* these tenticles! *What* is it going >to do to me!?" PRISS(Washuu): Help me! I *need* acting classes! >As she spoke, she felt more tenticles grabbing her, >and pinning her arms behind her back, and spreading her legs so >she couldn't kick. XEL(announcer from “The Outer Limits”): We control the horizontal. We control the vertical . . . >And some tenticles XEL: Oh yeah, and some of the ‘tenticles’. PETER: Unfortunately, we do NOT control the spell check. >snaked around her waist to >help stop her squirming. Washuu's panties were soaked RANMA(store clerk): Clean up, isle seven! >as she felt >herself totally helpless, even to squirm. "Oh, you're so *mean!*" >Washuu moaned, "What do you *want* from me?" PRISS(sarcastically): To *trade* lunches with you, what else? >As if in answer, Washuu felt the first of the tenticles rubbing >tenderly along her inner thigh. PETER(Washuu, whispering): That’s too low, you blockhead. >Ooh, yeah... this was a bad monster... Washuu felt the >tenticles snake under her blouse and up her skirt, XEL(Washuu): No, no, NO! You REALLY need to work on your aim! >and heard the fabric ripping as the creature literally >tore the innocent schoolgirl's clothes off her young body. RANMA: But what about Washuu? PETER(to Ranma): Don’t steal my lines! RANMA: Sorry. >She started to scream again as, with a >bit of rubbing, it managed to get loose her bra straps, ALL: How? >and one tenticle started to work its way into her panties. She could see the >tenticles clearly, now... PRISS: As if there was something keeping her from noticing them before? >and every single one ended in a big, hard, nasty cock. XEL: Gee, is the monster male or female? (Everyone else stares at Xelloss nervously.) PRISS(to Xelloss): That’s like asking if Peter is strange, you know. XEL: So? >Washuu moaned as all the penises PETER: Or ‘Penai’. >started to rub >against her body and they stripped off the rest of her clothing, >except for the socks. "Oooooohhhh... what are you doing?" PRISS: He’s playing “Rock, Paper, Scissors”. HE’S TRYING TO HAVE SEX WITH YOU, DUMBASS!!! >She moaned, feeling oh-so-naughty. XEL(Washuu): I’m so naughty. Naughty I am! >"No, don't touch me *there!* I'm saving my virginity for RANMA(Washuu): science. >... AH!" Washuu moaned, with hearts in her word bubbles, ALL: THIS IS TEXT!!! >as the first cock-tipped tenticle penetrated her pussy >with a loud, wet slurp. "Nooooh, oh how *disgusting!*" PRISS: We know. >Washuu moaned, her eyes closed in bliss PETER: while the rest of her remained in the lab. >. Other tenticles were rubbing her >all over, sliming her with warm wet pre-cum as the monster grew >excited fucking her. (The MST group is looking a little ill.) >It knew better than to hurt its mistress, of course. XEL: Oh, I don’t know . . . >Several pressure-sensitive trial runs with Mecha washuu RANMA: The robot that looked like Mihoshi and Washu had a kid? PETER: None other. RANMA: What ever happened to her, anyway? PETER: Scrap, most likely. A shame too. Maybe I should write a- OTHERS: NO!!! PETER(cringing): Okay . . . . >had taught it exaclty how much fucking she could take, and how >hard, and how fast felt good to her. (Priss makes the sound of a spine cracking.) *CRUNCH!* XEL(Hermorphopod Scion): Oops. >But, even still, the creature was >pushy, and that was one of the things Washuu liked about it. PETER: A couple other things were that it could clean, it slices and dices and makes tons of fries, and she recently installed a new ‘vibration’ feature. PRISS: Peter. PETER: Yes? OTHERS: Shut up. PETER: Okay. >She loved feeling herself raped by all those big ugly dicks. PETER: But for the sake of argument, why do all tentacle beasts have to be ugly? It would be a nice change of pace in my opinion if a CUTE tentacle beast were to appear in fan fiction! PRISS: Peter! How many times must we tell you; do NOT give them ideas!!!!? XEL(innocent little girl): Oh look at the cut tentacle beast! I think I’ll go over and pet it! Wait? What are you doing!? AIIEEEE! ^_^ PRISS(pointing at Xelloss): See?!? PETER: Sorry. >"OOOOH! YES!!" Washuu screamed as she felt a second dick slide in along >with the first one. (Priss momentarily doubles over in sympathy pain. Ranma only winces.) >Annother dick XEL: What about Tom, and Harry? (Peter ducks as Priss backhands Xelloss.) *KERSMACK!* Thank you very much. ^_^ >started to wipe her ass with pre-cum. PETER: The donkey was not happy. (The others stare at him nervously.) What? >The Hemorphopod-scion PRISS: That’s ‘Hermorphopod Scion’! Can’t you even spell your own monster?! >was a lot messier than a human male in the earliers stages of arousal. RANMA(sarcastically): Thank you so much for telling us that. >Washuu felt hot sperm splash >over her, as more and more cocks started rubbing her soft skin. >"AAAAUUUGH!!!" XEL(Hermorphopod Scion): Oops. PRISS: Well, so much for the ‘pressure-sensitive’ tests. >Washuu groaned as one pushed forcefully, but >smoothly, into her ass. PETER: Again, the donkey was not happy. RANMA: Neither are we. >She loved the feeling of it, fucking her in >the ass. One of the larger ones found her mouth, and Washuu >welcomed it in, sucking it and tasting it as it swelled in her mouth. XEL: Unfortunately, it swelled so much, that it ripped the top part of her noggin off of her neck. PRISS: I do the dark parts, Xelloss. XEL: Well, I AM a member of the monster race. >It pulled out of her mouth just as it started to cum, and sprayed >thich gobs RANMA: Peter, what are ‘thich gobs’? PETER: “Thick globs” said with a stuffy nose. OTHERS: PETER!!! PETER: What? >of semen all over Washuu's face and hair, even as it was >rteplaced by annother one. PRISS: At this point in time the author said “screw the spell check”. To this I say, “WELL SCREW YOU TOO!!!” >Washuu moaned into the cock stuffing >her mouth. She loved giving head, XEL: that’s why she bought the guillotine. PRISS(to Xelloss): Giving, not taking. XEL: Oh. >and it made her feel like such a >slut to be giving so many blowjobs in rapid succession. PETER(store cashier): Now servicing number three! Number three?! >She really loved it. RANMA: Really? PETER: Yes, really. >The cocks that were fuckign her PRISS: All of a sudden, the writer is writing in ebonics. >jacked off quickly and were replaced by more egar XEL: ‘Egar’? Wasn’t he the main bad guy in “Men In Black”? RANMA: No, that was ‘Edgar’. ‘Egar’ is a type of food that comes from chickens. PETER: No, that’s ‘Eggs’. ‘Egar’ was that cave man, in episode five hundred and six of MST3K. PRISS(exasperated): Men. PETER, RANMA, & XEL(to Priss): Yes? PRISS(even more exasperated): Shut up! >pricks. PRISS: I can name three of them, right in this theater with me. OTHERS: HEY!! >All over her body, moist hot dicks pressed together, grinding >and fighting for space. PETER(dick#67): Hey! Watch it! PRISS(dick#104): You watch it! XEL(dick#43): One at a time! One at a time! RANMA(dick#95): Wait your turn! I’m already in here! XEL(dick#43): Hey, question! How can we be shooting cum, if this beast has no balls?! PRISS(dick#104): I guess Washuu doesn’t like nuts! RANMA(dick#95): But I thought EVERYONE likes ‘Planters’ nuts! PETER(dick#67): Who’s Planter? *BA-DA-BUMP! CRISH!!* >A soft spot of skin to caress themselves against as they waited >for acess to one of Washuu's delightful holes. PETER(dick#67): This Internet server stinks! I can’t log onto Washuu’sdelightfulholes.com ! PRISS: Why would you want to? RANMA: That’s what you get when you choose ‘AOL’. >Washuu soon started using her hands, too. XEL: Which were idly twiddling their thumbs, while the above mentioned was happening . . . . Where’s Ayeka when we need her!?!?! >Watching wide-eyed as she rubbed a dick in her soft >hands and feeling ti RANMA: Who’s ‘ti’? >twitch in her hands and spray hot cum between her fingers. PRISS(Washuu): EEW! Can somebody hand me a towel!? PETER(rummaging in his jacket): Paper or cloth? PRISS(large sweatdrop on the back of her head): . . . . . Peter? PETER: Yes? PRISS: Don’t. >Somehow, the creature removed her socks and >was now rubbing cocks against her soft bare feet. It tickled. And it >also felt terribly erotic. XEL: Having your feet tickled by tentacles would be an erotic pleasure I could do without, thank you very much. >And now, as the monster dragged her >down, Washuu saw the big one rising to meet her. (At this point in time, Ayeka re-enters the theater.) AYEKA: Ah, I feel much better. Now, what exactly is going on no- (Ayeka takes one look at ‘the big one’ rising to meet Washuu, pales to a greenish-gray color, and tries to run out of the theater. She ends up running head first into the now locked theater doors.) *WHAM!* PETER: Nice try, Ayeka, but you have to suffer like the rest of us! AYEKA(getting back into her seat, and rubbing her nose): Shut nup. >Even as she came for the 33rd time that night, RANMA(store clerk): Now serving number thirty four! Thirty four!? >she had been waiting for this one. PETER: And there was much rejoicing! ALL(bored): Yaaay. >It *had* grown a lot bigger over the years she had not indulged. PRISS: And how many years was that? PETER: Knowing Washuu, about oh, last week. >The Hemorphopod's main member was now five feet tall >and nearly a foot in diameter. XEL: I’d LOVE to see her fit that up her ass! OTHERS(wincing at the mental image of that): Shut up! XEL: Make me. ^_^ >Washuu knew there was no way she >could cram it into her pussy as she had done in the past. ALL BUT XEL(nervously): Ah-ha-ha . . . >"Oooh, look how BIG you've gotten!" Washuu cooed, wrapping her arms >around it and licking and kissing it on the foreskin. "You're almost >as big as mommy is!" AYEKA: BIGGER than you, Miss Washuu. If it is five feet tall, and one foot in diameter, it is BIGGER than you. PETER(deep voice): I’M HUGE! >Washuu started to climb onto the top of the >huge member, slipping a little bit and sliding back down. PRISS(Washuu): Well THAT got me nowhere! >Somewhere deep below she could hear the creature roar in pleasure. RANMA: How could it roar, when it doesn’t have a mouth?! And even if it did, what would it use . . . it . . . for? . . . *PLOOOOT!* (Xelloss’ head explodes, sending confetti and streamers flying around the theater.) RANMA: I’d like to apologize for bring that thought up. OTHERS(excluding Xelloss): You blockhead. RANMA: Sorry. PETER: But you have to admit, it would be an interesting ‘self insertion’. OTHERS(excluding Xelloss, who is headless): *BLEAAAAARGH!!!* >"Mommy's too little to ride you like she used to," Washuu said, ALL(excluding Xelloss): Thank God. AYEKA(to Washuu): And for land sakes, stop calling yourself its mother! It is bad enough that Miss Ryoko is related to YOU! I shudder to think of THAT as her brother. PETER(rubbing the sides of his forehead): And you complain about ME giving the author ideas? >straddling her legs around it. "But I'm gonna *squeeze* you >between my legs, and sit on you, and twist my ass and pussy until >you cum. Washuu started humping, PRISS: Is she still saying that? RANMA: I hope not, otherwise she’s turning into Shampoo! XEL(head regenerated): And why would she turn into hair soap? RANMA: No, no, no Xelloss! She’s a different amazon all together! >and squirming, and rubbing >her legs together, riding the giant dick and listening to the monster >AAAAAHHHHH below. PETER: Oh great, it’s relieving itself now. OTHERS: PETER!!! PETER: Sorry. >She greedily pulled dicks out of the air >and blew them off, bathing herself in their cum as they kept getting >more excited. XEL: I’m so excited, I’m on the edge of my seat! PRISS: Scoot back, a little. XEL(scooting back): Thank you. >A few of them stareted to cum even beofre she >touched them, AYEKA: And, just what is ‘beofre’? >and Washuu could tell that the big one was getting >ready to blow. PRISS: Look out! She’s gonna blow! XEL: Yup! That’s what she’s doing, all right! RANMA: Just like this entire fic. >And then, suddenly, it did. PETER: And there was much rejoicing! ALL(bored): Yaaay. >Washuu felt it start to >vibrate under her, and she squeeled as it pulse PETER: All together now! OTHERS: Right! >and sprayed forth a geyser of male cum ALL(in tribute of “10-Chi Clan”): SSSSPPLLLUUURRRRTTTT!!!!!! >that totally drenched her in hot, gooey, sick-smelling liquid. RANMA: Well, you got the ‘sick’ part right. >Washhu XEL: WASHU IS SPELLED WITH ONE “H” DAMNIT!!!!! >had the hardest multiple orgasms of the >night when that happened, rubbing herself against the giant prick >like a dog, PRISS: You b*+&#! >even as all the other dicks came at once, RANMA(Old Prospector): HOO-WEE! We hit a gusher!! >stuffing themselves into her cunt and ass and mouth like there was no >tomorow. "Aaaah..." Washuu groaned AYEKA: Or ‘gargled’, as the case may be . . . >as the few tenticles not yet gone horribly flacid PETER: Shall we? RANMA: Why not? ALL(tenticles): ARRRGH!!! WE’RE SHRINKING!!! WE’RE SHRINKING!!! WHATTA WORLD!!! WHATTA WORLD!!! WHO WOULD HAVE THOUGHT THAT A LITTLE ANNOYING ELF LIKE YOU COULD . . . >lowered her onto the cold metal floor of the >catwalk. "Goodnight, my sweet pet," she cooed, kissing one of the >dicks. She laughed as it came in her mouth, ALL: EEW! >and lapped up all the >hot wet sperm. "I'm sorry I don't come to play with you more >often... I'll try to make time more often..." PETER(to Washuu): Be sure to use protection! >Washuu slumped back in exhaustion, and fell asleep right there >on the cold metal floor... RANMA: Ah, that’s not very nice of it. It would have been nicer if it placed her in a nice snug bed with silk sheets, and dressed her in a furry robe, and placed a nice tray of tea and crumpets at her bedside. (The others stare at Ranma, nervously.) What? PRISS: I’m beginning to see why girls always chase after you, Ranma. RANMA(cringing away from Priss, and Ayeka): Please don’t! You promised!!! ><<<* AYEKA: Oh-NO! It is rewinding back to the beginning of the story!!! ALL: NOOOOOOOO!!! >Washuu awoke ALL(relieved): Whew! >to find herself snug in bed, dressed in a furry >robe and silk sheets, a tray of tea and crumpets at the bedside. ALL(staring blankly at the screen): . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . RANMA: Woah . . . . . . >She sighed. Like good little servents, her robot helpers had >taken care of everything while she slept. PETER(Chibi-Washuu A): Geez! I hate having to drag her back, after she does this! XEL(Chibi-Washuu B): Yeah, I know what you mean! It’s like she gained thirty five pounds! OTHERS(to Peter and Xelloss): Shut up. >Mmmmmm. RANMA: Beefy! >And it had been such a nice way of going to sleep, too... AYEKA: No it was not. >Washuu was sipping some coffie when she suddenly jolted awake. PETER(Washuu): WHOOOOOOOOOIE!!! Now THAT’S coffee!! >The other girls must be as horny as she was! PRISS: Feeling of dread, feeling of dread, feeling of dread . . . >That in itself didn't really bother her that much. RANMA: Great! No lemon scene! >Let them suffer abit, with no >Hemorphopod Scion to comfort them. AYEKA: Uh, thank you for the offer, but no thank you anyway. XEL: After all, she has Azaka and Kamidake for that. PETER(to Xelloss): Eva-01 gets pregnant with Gendo’s baby. *PLOOOOOT!!!* AYEKA: Thank you Peter . . . . I think. >But, what if they hit on Tenchi? A lot? PRISS: Tenchi, the human punching bag. AYEKA(angrily): Priss! PRISS: What? >She knew Tenchi was shy, and a bit clean-cut, PETER & RANMA: Um . . . . >but she also knew that he wasn't made of stone. Suppose they >were all trying to seduce him or even take him by force? RANMA: And that would be different from how he is now? >Well, for Ryoko it wouldn't be a big deal... but Aieka? AYEKA: SPELL MY NAME CORRECTLY, DAMNIT!!!!! >What if Tenchi couldn't resist the temptation of that many women throwing >themselves at him? PRISS: What if Hell froze over? RANMA: What if P-Chan flew? PETER: What if the cows came home? XEL: What if the sun turned purple? AYEKA: What if the author got a life? >Suddenly, a brilliant thought occured to Washuu. (Peter makes the sound of toast popping up out of a toaster.) *Ka-CHING!!* PRISS(Washuu): WOAH! That hurt! >She dropped her teacup with aloud CRASH of broken china. PETER: Well, there goes Jousenkyo. RANMA: Good riddance. XEL(to Ranma): Now you’ll NEVER find the ‘Spring of Drowned Man’. RANMA: Yeah . . . Wait? NO!!! >What if Tenchi really liked one of the girls? AYEKA: Me! Me! He likes me, damnit! Me! >There would ne nothing XEL: Ah, the author is stopping a nosebleed, I see. >stopping him if *she* decided to try her chances. >"Ooooh, Tenchiiii!" PETER: No, no, no! You’re not supposed to say that until the NEXT episode! OTHERS: PETER!!! PETER: But it’s the truth! OTHERS: We don’t care!!! >Washu banged her head against the headboard. AYEKA: Hopefully giving herself a concussion. PRISS(to Ayeka): That’s my line. AYEKA: I am sorry, Priss, but I feel it was in my best obligation to . . . PRISS: Never mind! >"If you had *just* given in to me when I first asked >you for a sample! Why must you be so difficult!?" PETER: Because the main male lead NEVER gives into female temptation, in a series like this. Right Ranma? RANMA: Huh? >Washuu leap AYEKA: Ayeka scowl. PRISS: Priss shoot. XEL: Xelloss smile. RANMA(Shampoo): Ranma, I kill! PETER(Hulk): HULK SMASH!!! >out of bed and got to work. B-KO(from the control booth): Okay, break time! ALL: YAAAAAAAAAAY!!!! (The MST group exits the theater.) ======================================================= AND NOW FOR THIS LATE BREAKING BROADCAST FROM PROFESSOR WASHU HABUKI. Washu stands behind a podium. “Greetings everyone. I am Washu, ‘The Greatest Scientific Genus In The Universe’, and I am here right now to say a few things on my feelings about what _I_ think about how I am portrayed in fan fiction, and also some feelings I have toward MSTs, like the preceding one you just saw. I wish to make it perfectly clear that I do not in any way like to be known for being constantly annoying, overly perverted, or cruel towards others in any way. I may be the universe’s most brilliant, and cutest, scientist ever to be seen, but I am in no way insane like some people may claim. I also do not give a damn if someone spells my name with one ‘u’ or two, just so long as everyone knows that I am being portrayed. As for my obtaining of samples, or how I treat others, that is none of your beeswax, and I don’t think it concerns you what I do, or not. After all, it’s not like I go into your world, and turn you into kappas, right?” At this point in time, the two Chibi-Washus appear on Washu’s shoulders. “You are Washu! You’re the greatest!” says Chibi-Washu A. “You are Washu! You’re wise and all knowing!” says Chibi-Washu B. “Washu! Washu! You’re the best! You’re the greatest scientist in the universe!” cheer both of them at the same time. “HA-HA-HA!! I _AM_ a genus! Thank you, and goodnight.” WE NOW RETURN YOU TO YOUR REGULAR PROGRAMING ALREADY IN PROGRESS. PLEASE KEEP IN MIND THAT ALL POINTS OF VIEW OF THE PRECEEDING ARE NOT THE SAME VIEWS OF THIS TEXT DOCUMENT. . . HUH? WAIT! NO!! ARRRGH!!! I’M CHANGING!!! I’M CHANGING!!! WHATTA WORLD!!! WHATTA WORLD!!! RIBBIT! RIBBIT! ======================================================= (Five kappas enter into the theater, and sit down in the seats.) PETER(kappa with messy brown hair): Ribbit. PRISS(kappa with long brown hair): Rib-Ribbit, rib ribbit rib rib-ribbit. PETER(pulling out the computer): Ribbit. >From: "Happosai" RANMA(kappa with black hair, and a pigtail): “Rib Ribbit.” <“Old Pervert.”> >To: ffml@fanfic.com Date: >Wed, 15 Apr 1998 AYEKA(kappa with long purple hair): Rib. Ribbit rib ribbit. >22:20:01 +0000 XEL(kappa with shorter purple hair): Rib ribbit ribbit rib, rib rib ribbit ribbit rib? RANMA: Rib ribbit. Rib? >Subject: PRISS: Ribbit ribbit ribbit. PETER: Ribbit ribbit rib, rib . . . (The MST group turns back from kappas to humans.) There! ALL: Whew! Finally! >Re: [FFML]Lemon Fan Fiction Ideas RANMA: LEMON ideas!? AYEKA: Why do I NOT have a good feeling about this? >On 15 Apr 98 at 13:51, (Suddenly, the MST group all become Digimon.) ALL: . . . . . . . . (Peter/Agumon reopens up the computer, and starts typing. The other MST group members all get large sweatdrops on the backs of their heads.) RANMA/GABUMON: What the heck just happened?!? PETER/AGUMON(typing): I’m trying to find that out. Just a moment. AYEKA/PALMON: W-why do I suddenly want to soak my feet in wet soil? (B-ko/Gatomon rushes into the control booth.) B-KO/GATOMON: PETER! What the hell is going on here!?! PETER/AGUMON: I found the problem. OTHERS: What? PETER/AGUMON: Someone installed a virus into the system that would turn us into Digimon if we tried using the re-transform program. The anti-virus didn’t detect it, because it was disguised as a “War Craft” game program. I only play “Star Craft”, so the question is ‘Who put this in here’? PRISS/BIYOMON: I don’t use the computers except for the reports, so it wasn’t me. AYEKA/PALMON: Nor was it I. I have absolutely no idea how to install anything, let alone some silly computer game. RANMA/GABUMON: I can’t even get the computer to make toast. (Everyone momentarily stares nervously at Ranma/Gabumon.) What? PETER/AGUMON: Well, that leaves you out. Xelloss? (Peter/Agumon suddenly notices that Xelloss/Demidevimon is trying to get out of the theater.) PETER/AGUMON: XELLOSS!!! XEL/DEMIDEVIMON(wincing): Can I get a head start? (The rest of the MST group glare at him.) I thought not. PETER/AGUMON: Pepper Breath! (Roasts Xelloss/Demidevimon.) RANMA/GABUMON: Blue Blaster! (Blasts Xelloss/Demidevimon.) AYEKA/PALMON: Poison Ivy! (Whips Xelloss/Demidevimon.) PRISS/BIYOMON: AK47 Assault Rifle! (Shoots Xelloss/Demidevimon. The rest of the MST group stare at Priss/Biyomon nervously.) My body, my life, my rules. Any questions? XEL/DEMIDEVIMON(Roasted, toasted, and wings full of holes): Lina . . . was . . . right . . . It . . . isn’t . . . as . . . funny . . . when . . . it . . . happens . . . to . . . you . . . B-KO/GATOMON(to Xelloss): I’d scratch you, but then I’d have to touch you! PETER/AGUMON: B-ko, can you handle this problem while we handle the MST!? I don’t know how to reprogram! B-KO/GATOMON: *sigh* Okay. I’ll get to work on it, but don’t come complaining to me the next time you want out! (Exits the control booth.) AYEKA/PALMON: I suddenly have the strangest feeling that is a bad thing. >Sean Murphy wrote: One Big Happy Family. ALL: Yeah right. >This one is a Tenchi Muyo! Ryo-ohki lemon. (Everyone stares in bleak horror.) XEL/DEMIDEVIMON: You know, the only high point of having an exploding head, was that I would miss what would come after it . . . >In it, Tenchi finally decides who he's going to marry out of the group; >all of them, PETER/AGUMON: There’s already a fic like that, and it really wasn’t that good. >except for Kiyone! RANMA/GABUMON: What’s the author got against Kiyone? AYEKA/PALMON: Who knows. I still fail to understand what most authors have against me. >The story takes place after Sasami has turned 18 ALL(bored): Yaaay. >or around then, so she and Tsunami will be a single entity, PRISS/BIYOMON(Sasami): I am Sasami! I am Tsunami! I am Sasami AND Tsunami!! AH-HA-HA-HA-HA!!! PETER/AGUMON: Come to think of it, I haven’t seen any fics where Sasami has gone insane over the assimilation. OTHERS: Don’t give the author ideas, Peter. PETER/AGUMON: Sorry. >so even she will be married to Tenchi. This will be a series, >with each story about the girls first night with Tenchi. XEL/DEMIDEVIMON: I’m curious; where does Ryo-ohki fit into this plot? OTHERS: Shut up. XEL/DEMIDEVIMON: Make me. ^_^ PETER/AGUMON: Pepper Breath! RANMA/GABUMON: Blue Blaster! AYEKA/PALMON: Poison Ivy! PRISS/BIYOMON: AK47 Assault Rifle! *POOM!* *BLAM!* *KRACK-SMACK-WACK!* *RATTA-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT!* XEL/DEMIDEVIMON(painfully): This isn’t as much fun, without my Mazoku healing powers . . . >Speaking of TM! Lemons ALL: Lets not! >, I was discussing the subject on the Tenchi ML a >while back and suggested a list of lemons that don't involve >Sasami-chan RANMA/GABUMON: Great! Where are they now? >(underage Sasami lemons being one of my pet peeves) PRISS/BIYOMON(announcer): If Sasami lemons are ONE of your pet peeves, then YOU can do what we do!! AYEKA/PALMON: Priss, it takes more than a vile, seething hatred of Sasami lemons to MST Fan Fiction stories. It takes talent. It takes skill. PETER/AGUMON: It takes lots and lots of ‘Diet Pepsi’. >and furthermore, don't involve Tenchi. ALL(bored): Yaaay. AYEKA/PALMON: Actually, I do NOT mind lemons with Lord Tenchi in them, as long as he is with ME. >Anyway, two of seem to have promise, XEL/DEMIDEVIMON: So, out of over a hundred Tenchi Muyo lemons, this guy thinks that only two of them are any good? RANMA/GABUMON: Guess so. >but I just don't have the time to do them, so I'll throw them out here PRISS/BIYOMON(author): into the garbage. >... 1. Mihoshi and Yukinojo. ALL: . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . XEL/DEMIDEVIMON: Explode, damnit! Explode!! I don’t wanna see this!! Explode!!! >I do have an suggestion for how this story could end... PRISS/BIYOMON: Yeah, I have a suggestion too, but I can’t say it on national television! >[Open with Mihoshi aboard her patrol ship] AYEKA/PALMON: So she is falling from deep space, and is going to crash into the lake? XEL/DEMIDEVIMON(Mihoshi): WHAAAAH! I don’t wanna die a virgin, Yukinojo!! PETER/AGUMON: Pepper Breath! (Roasts Xelloss/Demidevimon.) AYEKA/PALMON: Thank you, Peter. PETER/AGUMON: No problem, Ayeka. He stole my line, again. AYEKA/PALMON(large sweatdrop on the back of her head): Ah . . . . >Mihoshi fiddled with her control cube. RANMA/GABUMON: Why is she trying to play music with her control cube? XEL/DEMIDEVIMON(still extra crispy): THAT, is a secret. ^_^ >A dozen or so bizarre "marital aids" appeared in the air and crashed >onto the deck. She picked one up and eyed it forlornly. PETER/AGUMON(Mihoshi): Why? Why can’t I get this cube to make a simple cup of coffee?! WHHHYYYYYYYYY?!?!?!? >"It's not *powerful* enough!" PRISS/BIYOMON(Tim Allen): This thing needs more power! ROH-HO-HO! . . . . What the hell am I doing? XEL/DEMIDEVIMON(Scotty): Och! She canna- OTHERS(to Xelloss/Demidevimon): NO!!! >She frantically twisted the cube some more. ALL(singing): And let’s twist again! Like we did last summer! . . . >"I should have paid more attention when they explained how to use >this thing!" AYEKA/PALMON(Mihoshi): Okay, now twist it this way . . . (Priss makes the sound effects of something exploding.) *BOOM!!* Oops! . . . Well, I was not using that part of the ship right now, anyway. >More devices appeared and likewise dropped onto the >floor of the ship. None of them were what Mihoshi was looking >for. PETER/AGUMON(Mihoshi): None of these things look even remotely like a cup of coffee!!! >"AGHH!! Why can't this thing materialize me a decent vibrator?!?!" RANMA/GABUMON(to Mihoshi, in the fic): Don’t worry. Just set your washing machine to ‘wool’ setting and . . . (Notices the other group members staring at him nervously.) D’OH! I can’t believe I said that out loud! PETER/AGUMON(to Ranma/Gabumon): You’d better hope Kasumi doesn’t find out that’s why you help her with the laundry. RANMA/GABUMON(to Peter/Agumon): Who do you think taught it to me . . . D’OH! PRISS/BIYOMON: Hey Peter, are Digimon able to keep secrets? PETER/AGUMON: Evidently not. ALL: . . . . . . . . WORK FASTER B-KO!!!!!! B-KO/GATOMON(in the control booth, working on a computer): I’m working as fast as I caaaan! ^_^; >Mihoshi gave up and pouted as she put the cube down. RANMA/GABUMON(Mihoshi): You don’t work right! >Then her eyes brightened with an idea. XEL/DEMIDEVIMON: Smoke and sparks flew out of her ears with an idea. >She smiled. "Oh, Yu-ki-noo-joooo..." PETER/AGUMON(Mihoshi): I got something I want to show yoooooou... >Yukinojo extended down from the ceiling. PRISS/BIYOMON: That thing reminds me of Adama, and I’m not sure why. . . . >"Yes, Mihoshi?" >Much later... PETER/AGUMON(Yukinojo, muffled): Let me out! Let me out, Mihoshi! Let me out! OTHERS: PETER!!! PETER/AGUMON: Sorry, I couldn’t resist. >[Cut to Galaxy Police Headquarters] >"A worker's compensation claim?!" "That's right, sir. PRISS/BIYOMON(officer): She says she can’t handle any more of these lemons! RANMA/GABUMON(Chief): But she’s only in about two thirds of them! >" "FROM A ROBOT?!?!" AYEKA/PALMON: I seriously doubt that this would be the FIRST time Yukinojo would have complained to the Galaxy Police, about Mihoshi. >"Well, yes, sir. It seems Detective Mihoshi managed >to snap several of Yukinojo's neck joints and crush his cranial >dome. XEL/DEMIDEVIMON(officer): There’s also something here mentioned about ‘both holes’ and ‘both ends’. OTHERS: XELLOSS!!! >" "But he's built to survive a crash that would destroy the >entire rest of the patrol ship! How'd even Mihoshi manage to do all >that damage to him?!" PETER/AGUMON: Short story, LONG lemon scene. >"Uh, I don't think you want to know, sir..." AYEKA/PALMON: You got that right. > >2. The *real* reason Tokimi is so anxiously searching for Tsunami >and Washuu. ALL BUT XEL/DEMIDEVIMON: . . . . . . . . XEL/DEMIDEVIMON: What? OTHERS: We’ll tell you later. >^_^ Hassheen! ALL: ^_^ Gesundheit! B-KO/GATOMON(in the control booth): The doors are open! ALL: YAAAY!!! (The MST group exits the theater.) ======================================================= Cue to the lounge where B-ko, now fully human, is transforming the last of the Digified MST group back to normal. “There!” says B-ko, as she closes her computer. “You’re all back to normal. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to get the next fic ready.” “Thanks again, B-ko!” Says Peter, as B-ko enters the control booth. “She’s a lot nicer than the Anime shows her to be.” “I’m just glad I’ve got my real hands back.” Says Priss. “You have no idea how hard it is to hold a gun with only feathers.” “Well I for one found the experience rather interesting.” Says Ayeka. “For once I had whips built in.” “We know.” Replies everyone else. “Too bad we couldn’t Digivolve.” Says Peter. “Yeah.” Says Ranma. “I would’ve liked seeing if a Garurumon was faster than a panda!” “Ah, it’s so good to be my real self again!” says Xelloss. “Thumbs, healing, and able to cause mischief at my whim!” “Hey Peter, any chance you could transform him back?” asks Priss. “HEY!!” exclaims Xelloss. Just then, the signal to start, blared. *I AM NOT AN ANIMAL!!!* “OH NO! NOT AGAIN!!” Cried the MST group as they entered the theater. ======================================================= (The MST group takes their usual places. Let the games begin!) >Hi there ! RANMA(Vinni Barbarino): What? Where? PRISS(Arnold Horshack): HEAH-HEAH-HEAH!!! AYEKA(Kotter): Did I ever tell you the one about my uncle Charley? PETER: I never knew you guys were fans of that show. (Xelloss passes Peter a piece of paper.) What is . . . . “Please excuse Xelloss for being late for class, signed Xelloss’ mother”. XEL: ^_^ >This is the second part of a 5 part story. ALL BUT XEL: AAAAAAAAAH!!!! XEL: What? >It is also my first >attempt at writing something in English AYEKA: No, this would be your SECOND attempt. >(I'm French) AYEKA: I am the crown princess of Jurai. PRISS: I’m in a bad mood. RANMA: I’m hungry. XEL(Peter Graves): I’m Peter Graves. PETER: I AM THE PUMPKIN KING!!!!! (The others stare at him nervously.) WHAT- I mean, what? >, therefore there might be some errors in it. AYEKA: Trust us, there will be. >Legal stuff. PRISS(police officer): You have the right to remain silent, you have the right to an attorney, if you can not afford an attorney one will be appointed to you by a court of law. >This story is in the Tenchi Muyo OAV universe. PETER: Well whoopee do. >All rights reserved to whoever possessed them blah blah blah >you get the point. AYEKA: Yes. XEL: No. PRISS: Maybe. PETER: You forgot the question mark. RANMA: What was the question again? >Important stuff too. >I would like to thank JEEPEAGLE for his help in the english >translation of this text PRISS(author): but he’s such a bozo, I think I’ll take a pass. >.Merci ! XEL: Say uncle! >Sasami's Quest II - Mihoshi – RANMA: Oh no. >WARNING: READ THIS! I STRONGLY suggest that you read >the first part of this story before reading this. PETER: REALLY?! THAT IS very interesting. >The first part is also >available on this site (Sakura Lemon Fan-Fiction Achive) B-KO(from the control booth): Actually I got this one from Gen Sao’s archive! >The following morning, Sasami awoke alone in her room. PETER(to Ayeka): Left her on a one night stand, I see. AYEKA(to Peter): Shut up. XEL: Is there something I’m missing, here? PRISS(to Xelloss): The basic idea of the story is this, Sasami is attracted to Mihoshi, and Ayeka in this fic, forced Sasami to get her off. XEL(turning green): Oh . . . >Aeka's clothes were gone too. RANMA: What? Were you expecting her to out naked, or something? >The girl quickly dressed herself and got >down the stairs, hoping to find her sister. After a quick search it >seemed that Aeka was not in the house. PETER: Nibble, nibble, like a mouse. Seems like Ayeka’s not in the house. >Sasami finally gave up the >search, the gang was about to get up, PRISS: The Crips or the Bloods? >and they would be hungry. While making the breakfast, the >little princess was thinking about last night's events. XEL: Please don’t. >Her sister told her that she would explain all >this "sex" thing to her, but she fell asleep after asking some strange >things to Sasami. AYEKA: Why is the sky blue? RANMA(Aeka): What is the meaning of life? PRISS(Aeka): Do you know you have weasels on your face? XEL(Aeka): Is that your nose, or are you inhaling a cabbage? PETER(Aeka as the Riddler): Who IS Batman!?!?! >The gang finally got up, XEL: I didn’t realize the lemon started already. OTHERS: XELLOSS!!! >while they were around >the table Sasami noticed that Ryoko was not present either. AYEKA: I see, so it was a PEACEFUL morning. >When Tenchi asked where Aeka and Ryoko could be, his father >responded that he saw them earlier this morning PETER: in the baths. OTHERS: PETER!!! PETER: What? >talking and finally going out. ALL(large sweatdrops on the backs of their heads): Um . . . . >After a little time everybody got out of the table. RANMA: How’d they get stuck in there to begin with? XEL: That- OTHERS: is a secret. We know. >Washu returned to her lab, Tenchi went off to school and >Nobuyuki grabbed his HIS stuff ALL: OH YUCK!! >and was on his way to his job. >While cleaning the table with Mihoshi, (Ayeka falls out of her seat, laughing.) PETER(chuckling): OH, that one’s a keeper. PRISS(announcer): Get your table squeaky clean with Mihoshi! RANMA: You know, that’s really not that funny. XEL(to Ranma): Says you. I happen to think it’s hilarious. >Sasami was still pondering >the reasons of her sister's disappearance. XEL: Maybe the Blair Witch got her. PETER: You know about the Blair Witch? XEL: Yeah, she’s an old pen-pal of mine. (Ayeka finishes laughing about the previous joke, and gets back into her seat.) >Did she flee because she was afraid of what Sasami would do >or say this morning? Was she ashamed? Where did she go? PRISS: No, should be, and out with Ryoko aparently. >The table was now clean and >Mihoshi was heading for the couch for her after-breakfast nap. RANMA: After-breakfast nap? That’s not such a bad idea. PETER: Ranma, after breakfasts where YOU live, you’re either late for school, or unconscious from Akane’s cooking. RANMA: Oh, right. I forgot. >When Sasami got out of the kitchen, half an hour later, the galaxy >police officer was sound asleep. The little girl decided to take a >little break before starting the laundry and sat in the other couch, >in front of Mihoshi. PETER(NASA astronaut): Houston, we have lemon trigger. >She closed her eyes, remembering the last >week'S events; those strange but good feelings she got between her >legs, the last night with her sister, and her bath with Mihoshi. PETER: See? OTHERS: Yeah, yeah. Shut up. >Again she was seeing the breasts of the blonde girl. PETER(Mihoshi as hypnotist): Look into my chest. You’re getting-MMPH! PRISS(hand over Peter’s mouth): That’s enough, Peter! >She was still wondering if they were as soft as they looked like. XEL: Oh yeah, in fact they’re ‘Sharmen’s. PRISS: XELLOSS! AYEKA & RANMA: Huh? PETER(via sign): [Squeezeably soft.] AYEKA & RANMA: Oh . . . . >Once again, those thoughts generated some heat in Sasami. RANMA: Somebody should dump a bucket of cold water on her then. (Peter tries to hold up a sign that says “Funny you should mention that.”, but Priss grabs it and tosses it away.) >She instinctively put her right hand on her sex. She >could feel a little heat coming through the many layers of clothes. XEL(Sasami): I’m on fire! AIIIIEEEEE!!! >She could picture Mihoshi's >breasts in her hands, SOFT and glowing in the light PRISS: due to the radiation contamination. AYEKA & RANMA: PRISS!! PRISS: Sorry. (Suddenly jerks her hand away from Peter’s face.) GAH!!! AYEKA, RANMA & XEL: What?! PRISS(wiping her hand on the seat in front of her): The freak licked me!! RANMA: Happosai? PRISS: No! Peter!! PETER: You could’ve washed your hands, Priss! PRISS: Shut up!! >. She suddenly realized the presence of her hand and opened >her eyes. She looked at it PETER(Sasami): Wow! I never knew I had hands before! Cool! >; the touch of her hand, even over all her clothes had increased >the sensations between her legs. She was still thinking about this >strange effect when she saw Mihoshi still sleeping in front of her. ALL: Uh-oh. PETER: Here it comes! OTHERS: PETER!!! PETER: What? Oh! Sorry. >> (I didn’t do it! - - Peter Suzuki) >The young princess' eyes were following the officer's curves. (Priss makes the noise of a car making turns at high speeds.) >Mihoshi was on her back, she was wearing her usual light-brown >pants with her light pink top. She could see her breasts going up >and down XEL(Homer Simpson): Breasts go up! Breasts go down! Breasts go up! AYEKA, PRISS & RANMA: PETER!!! PETER(pointing to Xelloss): It wasn’t me, it was him! AYEKA, PRISS & RANMA: Oh, sorry. XELLOSS!!! >following the police officer's breath. An idea was >forming in Sasami's mind PRISS: smoke, sparks, etc. AYEKA: Priss! PRISS: What? >and she mentally blushed just thinking about it. XEL: So it was a naughty thought. >She got up and walked to Mihoshi's couch. AYEKA: And since when has it been HER couch? RANMA: Well, no one else was using it, Ayeka. >For some time she did nothing but stare at the officer's body. PETER(Sasami): What was I going to do again? >She was afraid that >somebody might catch her but after all she was alone in the house. PRISS: Really? Then that must be a figment of your imagination in front of you. >She kneeled in front of the couch, still staring at Mihoshi. Finally >she raised her right hand toward the breasts that were moving in >front of her. RANMA: Moving? XEL: They were doing the ‘Milk Jug Rumba’! (Ayeka’s whip wraps around Xelloss’ waist, and flings him into the air.) WAH-HA-HOOOOWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!! AYEKA(siting back in her seat): I hope he lands on a very painful part of his body. >She was not afraid that she might wake up the police officer, after >all she knew that Japan could proceed to a nuclear test in the yard PETER: Well I think that Azaka and Kamidake would be the most unhappy about that happening. AYEKA: Why do you think that, Peter? PETER: They would be at ground zero. >and that would not wake Mihoshi. She took a last >glance behind her and finally took one of the breasts in her hand. PRISS(narrator): A thousand volts of electricity passed through her body, as Mihoshi’s anti-groping bra was activated. OTHERS: Priss! PRISS: Sorry. >The moment she touched it, a wave a pleasure passed through her >body. Her hand was on Mihoshi's breast, she din't RANMA: What’s a ‘din’t’? PETER: I have no idea. XEL(falling): THAAAAAAAAAAAAAT IIIIIIIIIIIIIS AAAAAAAAH SEEEEEEEEECREEEEEEEEEEEEEEE- *POMPH!* (Xelloss lands in his seat, upside-down, but otherwise unhurt.) >dare moving at first, but after some time she started caressing it slowly. >Mihoshi din't react, she was still snoring, her mouth wide open. She kept >caressing the breast, more and more heat was coming from between her legs, XEL(sitting up): Oh my God! It’s child molestation with the roles reversed!!! *PLOOOOT!* (Everyone else stares nervously at the now headless Xelloss, who just made his own head explode.) AYEKA: My goodness . . . PETER: He dun blowed himself up! >her nipples were erect and she could feel the >slightest movement of her clothes on them. AYEKA: I am confused. Is the author talking about Mihoshi, or Sasami? PRISS: How should we know? >She then realized that >Mihoshi's nipples too were becoming harder. She moved her other >hand on the left breast and started massaging them. RANMA: She has more than one left breast?! >She could feel the nipples becoming more and more hard, >she wanted to see them, to touch them PETER(Snagglepuss): Feel them, even. >. Once again she took a look around her to be sure >nobody was here then she started removing the detective's shirt. >She pulled the shirt up to Mihoshi's neck then stopped. PRISS(Sasami): Wait a minute . . . I’M IN ANOTHER LEMON!!!! >The blonde girl did not wear a bra. XEL(head regenerated): Yet another case of her forgetfulness. >Her breasts were in full view of Sasami, the >sunlight was reflecting on them, they looked so soft, AYEKA(to the author): You have gotten your point across that they look soft. Can we move this along now, please? >so warm. For a moment Sasami could not move. PETER(Sasami): I’m stuck! >The sight in front of her was nearly making her cry. RANMA(Sasami, crying): Oh God! I’m being a pervert!! WHAAA!!! >She then moved one hand to them, slowly, >quietly. When she touched them, Mihoshi let a little "Ah!" go then >resumed her snoring. AYEKA: Uh . . . . PRISS & XEL: Say what? RANMA: Shampoo speak, I see. PETER(Tor Johnson): Time for go to bed! >The little girl was now caressing both breasts >in her hands. Oh yes, they were soft, hot, they almost looked... >tasty ? RANMA(Sasami): Tastes like chicken! (Hit by Ayeka.) *WACK!* OW! What did ya do that for!? AYEKA(to Ranma, through clenched teeth): Guess! >The princess stopped moving. XEL(Sasami as Tin Woodsman): Oil . . . can . . . Oil . . . can . . . >What was happening ? PETER: A serious attempt at a lemon, gone horribly wrong. >The heat in her was overwhelming. PRISS: She spontaneously combusted. AYEKA: Priss! PRISS: I’m in a bad mood. Leave me alone. >She wanted to taste them. Why? XEL(Austin Powers): Does she make you horny, baby?! Does she?! OTHERS: XELLOSS!!! >She was getting her head closer and closer to Mihoshi's chest, she >wanted to fight this urge AYEKA: Fight it! Fight it! >but she could not. AYEKA: Damn it! >Finally, her mouth was >less then an inch away from the detective's right breast. Sasami >could not see anything but the red nipple, RANMA: RED nipple? PETER: Don’t think too hard about it, Ranma. It isn’t worth it. >pointing toward her. She >put her hand around the breast, took a good breath and put her >open mouth around it. Once again Mihoshi let a moan go but did >not awake. XEL: What would she say if she did? PETER: Probably “What do you think you’re doing!? Only Kiyone gets to do that!” (Hit by Priss.) *THWAP!* OW! >Sasami was sucking the nipple hard. She was doing >like she did on her sister's sex but now it was on a breast. From >time to time she stopped sucking to play with the nipple with her >tongue. XEL: You know, aside from the inherent wrongness of this entire fic so far, this is rather tasteful, and that scares me. PETER: Yeah, it scares us, too. >Her other hand was carressing the other breast. She was >acting more and more quickly, the heat in her was incredible, she >finally removed one hand RANMA(Woody): Can ya give me a hand Buzz!? (Peter takes a fake arm out of his jacket pocket, and tosses it to Ranma, who instinctively catches it.) Um, thanks . . . . PETER: No problem, Ranma. >and put it between her own legs. Still sucking, AYEKA: like the rest of this story. >she could feel her own heat under the clothes. She finally >stopped. PRISS: The Fic’s over! B-KO(over the intercom): NO IT’S NOT!!!! PRISS: Damn it!!! >A large quantity of Sasami's saliva was on the chest of >Mihoshi and on the little girl's face. What is she doing? RANMA: Drooling all over yourself, apparently. >She was about sure she should not do this. PRISS: Oh, so that just NOW occurred to you!?!? >Her eyes moved upward, up to Mihoshi's face. PETER(Mihoshi, awake): Oh, don’t stop on my account. (Ayeka’s shield units surround Peter.) *ZAAAKAZAAAKAZAAAKA!!!* Ow . . . I deserved that. >The detective was still sleeping, her eyes closed, >her mouth wide opened XEL: flies buzzing around it. RANMA: Hey! >. Sasami was blushing, staring at Mihoshi's mouth. AYEKA: She finds her MOUTH attractive? PETER: Hey, whatever rocks her boat. >She remembered the TV shows Aeka and Ryoko were >always watching, from time to time people would kiss in those shows. PRISS: Of course Tenchi also covers her eyes during those shows, as well. >She was blushing even more. She never kissed anybody and >wanted to know how good it felt. She tried to wipe the saliva she >had on her own mouth and got closer to Mihoshi's head. This close >up did not help her to relax. For the first time the little girl took the >time to really look at Mihoshi's face. PETER: How can you take a really good look at the face of someone you’ve known for over a year!? AYEKA: This coming from someone who spent over an hour and a half staring at a picture of a certain Slayers character. XEL: Oooh! So you’re a Lina fan, are you Suzuki? PETER: No. Amelia. XEL(genuinely shocked): AMELIA!?!? PETER(blushing): She’s cute, okay!!! PRISS: Let’s just get back to the fic. >She was cute, her little nose, >her perfect dark skin, her mouth, her lips, what beautiful lips, she >had to taste them. She opened her mouth, closed her eyes and got >closer. Their lips made contact. A shock passed through the >princess' body. PETER(Pikachu): PIKA!! >The hand that was still between her legs started to >feel moisture passing through the clothes. XEL: Oh great, she sprung a leak! >At first she din't move. >The bare contact of Mihoshi's lips on hers was enough to make her >head spin. AYEKA(Sasami, stoned): Woah! The colors! PRISS(ditto): I can see the music! PETER(ditto): Don’t get touchy, I’m just a little stretchy! >She then started to move her lips a little, kissing the >upper lip, then the other, closing and opening again her mouth. It >tasted good. She started to kiss more quickly, she wanted more of >the officer's saliva but not enough was coming out; then she had to >go get it. She stopped moving her head, then she slowly put her >tongue inside Mihoshi's mouth. (Everyone nervously coughs.) XEL: Well, the author DID say he was French. >It felt so good. Instinctively, her >hand started to slowly rub between her legs. Now she could really >taste the galaxy police officer. RANMA(Sasami): Tastes like chicken! AYEKA: Ranma, would you please stop it with that joke! RANMA: Sorry. >Her tongue was moving trough the >entire mouth, she was playing with Mihoshi's tongue, PETER(Sasami): Let’s play ring toss! >once again >her face was full of saliva but now it was not just hers. Her other >hand got back to Mihoshi's nipples, she was now rubbing them >between her fingers, she could hear the blonde girl moan in her >own mouth but still her eyes were closed. Sasami was drinking >more and more, PRISS(Sasami): Hello. My name is Sasami, and I’m in a lemon. OTHERS: Hello, Sasami. >it tasted good, nearly as good as that stuff that >came out of Aeka. The girl suddenly stopped, (Priss makes the sound of a car screeching to a halt.) >got her head up and re-opened her eyes. RANMA: Overly! Detailed! ACTION!!! >The juice that came from Aeka'S sex was >probably the best thing Sasami had ever drank in her life. XEL: She should bottle it, and sell it for a tidy profit. AYEKA(to Xelloss): Shut up. >Would Mihoshi have some too? RANMA: ‘Ayeka’S’? No. >Would it taste the same? PRISS: Probably not. >Or even better? AYEKA: Probably not. >Slowly, she got out of the couch. She could remember the taste of >her sister's juice in her mouth. AYEKA: . . . . . >Her eyes were no longer on >Mihoshi's breasts or lips, PETER: for she had finally gotten them back into her own head. >they were fixed on the officer's pants. XEL(narrator): She wanted to taste them. >Again, the princess took a good look around her to be sure that >nobody was around, then PETER: then realized everyone had come back home by now, and was staring at her. >she got on her knees. RANMA: But wasn’t she . . . Oh wait, she’d have to get up to kiss Mihoshi. My mistake. >Delicatly, RANMA: And that’s the author’s mistake. AYEKA: This entire fic is the author’s mistake. >she unbuttoned the kaki pants and unzipped them quietly. PETER: I’m no expert in fashion- PRISS(muttering): Boy, you’re not kidding. PETER: but I think ‘kaki’ is supposed to be spelled K, H, A, K, I. >She could now see a little pair of fancy red panties. XEL(narrator): She wanted to taste them. (Malleted by Peter.) *WHAM!* >It was much more sophisticated than anything she or her sister had. B-KO(from the control booth): The wireless modem, and Internet access was proof of that. (The others stare at her nervously.) Don’t mind me. I’m just bored. >She removed completely the pants and got back to the panties; RANMA: If she shouts “SWEET-O” any time soon, I’m going to scream. >little patterns were sewed into it, which the little girl was following with the >eyes. The red was the same as Washu's hair, except between the >legs was a spot of a much darker red. AYEKA: Mihoshi also forgot to wear her protection, today. RANMA: Yeah, then Sasami wouldn’t be able to do this to her. PRISS: Not that kind of protection, Ranma. RANMA: Oh . . . . XEL(to Peter): I have the strangest feeling something just went right over our heads. PETER(looking up): Nope. Don’t see anything. >Sasami smiled and put a hand on the dark spot; as she >suspected, she felt moisture on her fingers. Yes, she had juice too. PETER: The juice is loose!!! OTHERS(excluding Xelloss): PETER!!! XEL: Go O.J.!! GO!!! OTHERS(including Peter): XELLOSS!!! >She had got back on the couch, kneeling between Mihoshi's legs; RANMA: Wait a minute. If she’s on the couch, then how can she be Mihoshi’s legs? PETER: Just smile and nod your head, Ranma. None of this makes sense, remember. >her left hand was on the officer's >leg, keeping her from falling while the other was rubbing the little >red panties. A loud "Oh!" came out from the detective; XEL(Mihoshi): Deeper, Kiyone! Deeper!! (Ayeka’s shield units surround Peter.) *ZAAAKAZAAAKAZAAAKA!!!* PETER(brunt): Ayeka!!! AYEKA: Oops! Sorry, Peter. Force of habit. >Sasami froze in terror PETER(still burnt): while the rest of her remained next to Mihoshi. >but no other signs of awareness came from Mihoshi. PRISS: She could still be awake, and there’d still be no signs of awareness from her! >After nearly a minute the little girl started breathing again and >resumed the rubbing while trying to keep her heartbeat under >control. RANMA(Sasami): Down! Down!! Heel!! Stay!!! >Sasami wanted to see the other girl's sex, to taste her juice, >to feel the heat on her face again, but in the same time she could >not keep her eyes from the red patterns on the panties. AYEKA: Ah yes, the great and many dilemmas of a sick and perverted lemon. >She keep rubbing and rubbing RANMA(Shampoo): Narrator talk like Shampoo. >the detective with her right hand while the >other was moving toward her own sex. PRISS(officer): Calling all cars! Calling all cars! Small hand moving towards the sex! Requesting backup! Over! >Once again, the contact of her hand between her legs gave >her a burst of pleasure. After 2 or 3 minutes of rubbing, PETER: she got bored. >the red panties were completely soaked with >juice, it was then that the little girl decided it was enough. XEL: She left. OTHERS: You wish. >She quickly removed the officer's panties and was staring with awe at >the sight before her eyes. THE MST GROUP: Aaaaaw. B-KO(narrator from “George Of The Jungle”): No. Awe as in amazement. THE MST GROUP: Oooooh! B-KO(narrator from “George Of The Jungle”): That’s better. >The same yellow patch of hair that she >saw in the baths was in front of her but this time the sex was >covered with juice and the clit was peeking out for fresh air. XEL(Mihoshi’s sex): Hi! >After a little contemplation the princess moved her head toward the >brown opening she had before her. PETER(to Sasami, in the fic): That’s the wrong hole! OTHERS(a little green): PETER!!! >Both her thumbs were opening >Mihoshi's sex to let more juice come out. RANMA: What were the rest of her fingers doing? PRISS: Don’t ask. >The blue haired girl started by just smelling the area, XEL: She’s smelling her area? AYEKA(angrily): Xelloss!! >the odor was nearly the same as >her sister's but something was different. RANMA: So it’s the same, but it’s different? >The heat between her own >legs was intense but she had to keep both her hands in front of her. >At last she decided to taste. Slowly she put her tongue at the base >of the sex and slid it up. PRISS(sarcastically): No! I thought it was supposed to go left! >It really tasted good. She moved her >tongue quicker and quicker to get more juice, going deeper and >deeper into the officer to taste that wonderful thing. PETER: And what thing was that? AYEKA: Peter, shut up! This is bad enough as it is!! >Sasami wanted >more of it. She saw the extended clit and remembered what her >sister said to her. XEL(Aeka): Don’t go molesting other girls, now. >That "button" was the center for pleasure, if I >want more juice I have to play with it. RANMA: Who’s talking? >Her tongue concentrated on the clit. Licking it quicker >and quicker she then decided to simply put it in her mouth. PETER: Um. I don’t think you can do THAT, Sasami. >A spasm passed trough Mihoshi's body when >Sasami's lips closed on her clit PETER(to Sasami, in the fic): And I don’t think you can do THAT, either. >but still she was sleeping like a log. >The girl keep sucking the sensitive clit, she started to put a finger >inside the sex like she did with her sister, then 2, then 3 fingers >Were inside, XEL: Then she put in her hand. Then her foot. Then- (The MST group starts hitting Xelloss repeatedly with mallets.) *WHAM!* *WHAM!* *WHAM!* *WHAM!* *WHAM!* *WHAM!* *WHAM!* *WHAM!* *WHAM!* *WHAM!* *WHAM!* *WHAM!* *WHAM!* *WHAM!* *WHAM!* *WHAM!* *WHAM!* *WHAM!* *WHAM!* *WHAM!* *WHAM!* *WHAM!* *WHAM!* *WHAM!* *WHAM!* *WHAM!* *WHAM!* *WHAM!* *WHAM!* *WHAM!* *WHAM!* *WHAM!* *WHAM!* *WHAM!* *WHAM!* *WHAM!* *WHAM!* *WHAM!* *WHAM!* *WHAM!* *WHAM!* *WHAM!* *WHAM!* *WHAM!* *WHAM!* *WHAM!* *WHAM!* *WHAM!* *WHAM!* *WHAM!* *WHAM!* *WHAM!* *WHAM!* *WHAM!* *WHAM!* *WHAM!* *WHAM!* *WHAM!* *WHAM!* *WHAM!* *WHAM!* *WHAM!* *WHAM!* *WHAM!* *WHAM!* *FROINLAVEN!* *WHAM!* *WHAM!* *WHAM!* *WHAM!* *WHAM!* *WHAM!* *WHAM!* *WHAM!* *WHAM!* *WHAM!* *WHAM!* *WHAM!* *WHAM!* *WHAM!* *WHAM!* *WHAM!* *WHAM!* *WHAM!* *WHAM!* *WHAM!* *WHAM!* *WHAM!* *WHAM!* *WHAM!* *WHAM!* *WHAM!* *WHAM!* *WHAM!* *WHAM!* *WHAM!* *WHAM!* *WHAM!* *WHAM!* *WHAM!* *WHAM!* *WHAM!* *WHAM!* *WHAM!* *WHAM!* *WHAM!* *WHAM!* *WHAM!* *WHAM!* *WHAM!* *WHAM!* *WHAM!* *WHAM!* *WHAM!* *WHAM!* *WHAM!* *WHAM!* *WHAM!* *WHAM!* *WHAM!* *WHAM!* *WHAM!* *WHAM!* *WHAM!* *WHAM!* *WHAM!* *WHAM!* *WHAM!* *WHAM!* *WHAM!* *WHAM!* *WHAM!* *WHAM!* *WHAM!* *WHAM!* *WHAM!* *WHAM!* *WHAM!* *WHAM!* *WHAM!* *WHAM!* *WHAM!* *WHAM!* *WHAM!* *WHAM!* *WHAM!* *WHAM!* (By the time the rest of the MST group sits back down, Xelloss has become one with his seat cushion.) . . . . . And . . . a . . . partridge . . . in . . . a . . . pair . . . tree . . . >pushing their way inside the hot sex, then going out >only to get in again, quicker and quicker. The juice was now >coming out like a spring, the girl was still sucking and licking the >area, drinking more and more of this wonderful liquid. Now all her >fingers were inside the police officer. At each thrust her hand was >going deeper and deeper inside the sleeping girl. (The Ayeka, Peter, Priss and Ranma all momentarily stare nervously at the still flat Xelloss, but do not say anything.) >The little girl's head was spinning with pleasure, PRISS: SHE’S POSSESSED!!!! >she felt a little drop of liquid >going out of her own panties and sliding down her leg, the heat in >her was more intense than ever. Then her hand felt a resistance >inside Mihoshi; PETER(tiny, high pitched, voice): You can’t put that thing in here! >is it the end ? ALL(including Xelloss, who is back to full height): We hope so! >No, she could feel the wall bending >a little under her push. She pushed a little more then there was no >more resistance. ALL(stunned): . . . . . . . . . . . . >She resumed the drinking, still going deeper >inside her friend. Her eyes were closed so she din't see the blood >coming out with the rest of the juice, (Ranma covers his eyes. Ayeka clutches the bridge of her nose trying to relieve her headache. Xelloss tries to keep his head from exploding again. Priss starts weeping into her chair. Peter looks, a little pale.) PETER: Well, it wasn’t like she was using it anyway. (The others glare at him.) Don’t hit me! I’m just trying to make the breast- I mean BEST of a bad situation. >she din't even realize the >slightest change of taste the juice had for some moments, she was >completely absorbed by the feelings and the pleasure inside of her. AYEKA: This is NOT how I would have expected Mihoshi loosing her virginity. XEL: I wouldn’t have expected Mihoshi to still be a virgin. >Each thrust she made with her hand made her breasts make contact >with the couch, PRISS: I said it before, and I’ll say it again, SASAMI DOESN’T HAVE BREASTS!!!! >the light but strange sensation was generating even >more pressure inside the girl. She felt another drop of liquid >coming out of her panties and decided to go investigate the >situation. ALL(“Dragnet” music cue): BAH BAH-BAH-BAMP!!!!! >While she kept drinking Mihoshi's juice, using her left >hand to keep the sex open, she made her right hand pass trough >her clothes, RANMA: Oh my God, she’s a ghost!! >up the her own underwear. The nearly direct contact >on her sex made her moan with pleasure, she could feel that she >was becoming very wet too. Still licking and sucking AYEKA: A very good description of this story, if you take out the ‘licking’ part. >she started to >slowly rub herself over the panties. Spasms of pleasure were >passing through her, Mihoshi's body too seemed out of control PETER(Joel Hodgson): I can’t stop it! I don’t know how it works!! Goodbye folks!!! RANMA(Scotty): Och! She canna take much moore o’ this, Cap’m! Ifin she goes anna longar, she’ll blow up!! PRISS & AYEKA(disgruntled): Yaaay. XEL: And you were complaining about ME overusing that joke!?!? >and while the little girl felt contractions inside the officer's sex a final >shock made its way inside her. PETER(Pikachu): PI-KA-CHUUUUUUUUUUU!!!! OTHERS: Shut up!!! >Both girls got their orgasm at the >same time; Sasami's first ever. XEL: Mihoshi’s, about the second time ever. >For about a minute the girl didn't >move, a smile was on her mouth, her hand still inside her clothes >she was catching her breath. After a moment the princess got up >and was back on the floor. PRISS: So when you have sex with someone in their sleep, you gain their coordination? RANMA: Huh? >A smile was also on the officer's face, >she was still fast asleep but Sasami knew that she would get up >soon for her mid-morning snack. ALL(nervously): Ah-hah . . . >She quickly got to the kitchen to >get a towel and tried to remove any traces of liquid on Mihoshi's >body; there was not much left. She put the blonde girl's shirt down >but when came the time to put the red panties back Sasami decided >to keep them to remember this day. RANMA(getting up to leave): That’s it! I can’t take it anymore! B-KO(in the control booth): Hey Ranma! Akane’s on the phone! She sounds mad, and she want’s to talk to you! RANMA(sitting back down): Tell her I’m busy, B-ko! >After all, Mihoshi would surely >not be surprised to realize that she forgot to put on a pair of panties >this morning. PETER: Although why her hymen was missing, would be another thing entirely. OTHERS: PETER!!! PETER: Sorry. >With much difficulties RANMA: Yet MORE Shampoo speak. >she put back the pants in >place and took a last look to be sure everything was all right. Her >own clothes were a mess too, she had to change, she also realised >that one of her hair straps had broken during the "action" so one of >her tails was loose in her back; AYEKA(still trying to relieve her headache): ON her back! Not IN her back!! >she will have to comb her hair back >as usual too. She took the officer's panties in her hands; they were >still warm and moist with juice, the girl put her nose in it, smelling >the odor of Mihoshi. XEL: Although she couldn’t fathom why the panties smelled somewhat like Yukinojo. OTHERS: XELLOSS!!! XEL: That’s my name, don’t wear it out. ^_^ >"I hope this smell will never go." With a last >glance at her friend she headed upstairs to her room. She had to >make it quick before dinner. RANMA: But wasn’t Mihoshi supposed to get up for her ‘mid-morning’ snack? >In her hurry she din't notice a strange >yellow device in an upper-corner of the living room. PETER: Okay group! “Tenchi In Tokyo” epposode three, JOKE! XEL: What? (Xelloss watches in confusion as Ayeka, Peter, Priss, and Ranma all pick up puppets, that look like the little spy camera robots Washu invented in “Tenchi In Tokyo”) AYEKA(Yellow Gangster): Sasami is done molesting Mihoshi. God that was sick! RANMA(Blue DTP): Sasami’s done having sex with Mihoshi! Poor Mihoshi! PRISS(Red Dictator): Sasami’s done boinking Mihoshi! Little pervert stole her panties too! PETER(Green Geezer): Sasami and a little pervert tossed Mihoshi into a swimming pool . . . XEL(large sweatdrop on the back of his head): . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . >One could say it looked like a camera. AYEKA: It looked like a camera. There, I said it. >........................... PRISS: Nine “S”’s in Morris Code. Big deal. >In a lab, somewhere in >pseudo-space, a red haired scientist was reviewing what she had >just recorded. PETER(Washu): Well . . . There’s something you sure don’t see every day. >A grim smile was on her face. - Well well. Who >would have thought ? How interesting. PRISS(Washu, bored): Oh hum. >..... >I hope you liked this. AYEKA: You hoped wrong. >I was very surprised to get that many good comments about the first >part of this story ALL: . . . . . . . . >and I would like to thank all who took the time to >give their impressions to me. PRISS: Well you can just take this one, and shove it up you- >The third part should come out soon. XEL: Shabranigdo help us all . . . >I would welcome and appreciate any comments or suggestions. RANMA: Not the ones we have. >Azathoth ( bonhumm@yahoo.com ) B-KO(from the control booth): Break time! PETER(Ace Ventura): Aaaaaaaall righty then! (The MST group exits the theater.) ======================================================= “Don’t you have to go back to where Ksa is, Xelloss?” asks Peter. “Well, eventually.” Replies Xelloss. “They must be so sad without me.” ======================================================= Meanwhile, on Ksa’s spaceship, the MST group was partying like it was nineteen ninety nine . . . Of course it currently IS nineteen ninety nine, but that’s beside the point. ======================================================= “So B-ko,” asks Priss “exactly how many fics are left?” B-ko checks her listing. “From what I can tell, there’s only one left.” “ALRIGHT!!!!!” cheers the MST group. “Uh-oh.” Says B-ko, going pale. “I know I am going to regret asking this.” Says Ayeka. “But what do you mean “Uh-oh’?” “The next fic was made by Alienboy 52.” Says B-ko. “The same guy who made ‘Tenchi On a Plate of Sashimi’.” Suddenly, you could not see the pupils in Ayeka’s eyes, Xelloss’ head started spinning around, Ranma starts running in circles clucking like a chicken, Priss starts shaking uncontrollably, and Peter appears to be trying to hand himself. Ayeka starts screaming, “AAAAAAAAAH!!! IT’S MADDNESS!!! AAAAAAAAAAH!!! IT’S!!! IT’S!!! AAAAAAH!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!” “Cluck-cluck-cluck! Ber-caw!!!” says Ranma. “N-n-nervous system b-b-b-breaking down!” says Priss. “L-l-loosing ability t-to live!” Peter has apparently already hung himself. Xelloss runs head first into a wall making his head stop spinning. *wham!* “They took that better than I thought they would.” Says B-ko. Suddenly, the signal to start, blared. *GET IN THERE NOW, OR YOU’LL BE THROWN INTO JOUSENKYO!!!* Booms in the voice of one of the sponsors. “WE’RE GOING!! WE’RE GOING!!!” cries the MST group as they go into the theater, and B-ko as she goes into the control booth. ======================================================= (The MST group somehow manages to stop sobbing, as they sit in their usual spots.) >Yosho, the old man who rapes teenage boys ALL(staring in bleak horror): . . . . . . . . . . PETER: Vomit bags! We’re going to need LOTS of vomit bags!! AYEKA(passing out handfuls of vomit bags to the other members): Here, and try not to use them all at once. XEL: Well . . . At least my head didn’t explode. >By the super retarded kid from Seanbaby's page, ALIENBOY 52!!! PRISS(Crow T. Robot): Oh I wish I was illiterate so I didn’t have to read that! >This story's characters are property of Pioneer and >AIC, except for Seanbaby. AYEKA: Well thank goodness for small favors. >If you don't know who Seanbaby is, PRISS: No. >the go to http://www.seanbaby.com. PRISS: No. >Also this story is intended for audiences over the age of 18, >but who cares, it's hopefully so sick that no one would >want to read it. RANMA: Well, we don’t want to read it, so you succeeded in that sense. >--- XEL: And so we enter the first level of Hell. Wheeee. >"Tenchi! Do it harder!" PETER: Oh yeah. This is going to hurt. >yelled Yosho as he attacked >Tenchi with his wooden sword. "Grandpa! I'm doing it >as hard as I can!" Tenchi shouted back to his Grandpa >while blocking the attack. AYEKA: Imagine what this would look like if we did not know they were fencing. *PLOOOOOT!* Oops! Sorry Xelloss. >Yosho quickly swung his >sword around and hit Tenchi in the head. PRISS: And so, Alienboy’s first typo is discovered. >Tenchi fell onto the ground and passed out. RANMA: And he’s down for the count! AYEKA(grumbling): Well, there is the FIRST out of character part of this story. >Tenchi groggily woke >up and tried to stand up, but his legs wouldn't move. >Tenchi blinked a few times and was able to see clearly >now, his legs were bound with rope to a pole, he was >also naked and in his Grandpa’s shrine. Tenchi tried to >move his arms, but they were tied up to a pole as well. PETER(Tenchi): Oh poopie! I’m on a Plate of Sashimi, aren’t I!? >"Ryoko! Washu! Who ever you are! Let me out right >now!" screamed Tenchi RANMA: Uh, correct me if I’m wrong, but I don’t think Ryoko would bother tying him up. >as he struggled to get out of the >ropes. "Hehehe, so you finally woke up Tenchi!," >snickered Yosho as he walked towards Tenchi. ALL BUT XEL: Uh-oh. >"Grandpa!" yelled Tenchi in joy, PRISS: Not for long. >"Hurry up and untie >me! Someone tied me up!" Yosho looked at Tenchi and >grinned, "Tenchi, you fool, I tied you up. XEL(head regenerated): You are a looser. You are on a plate of sashimi. >If someone else tried to tie you up in my shrine they wouldn't have >survived." RANMA: Yeah, but who would’ve killed them? >"So is this part of my training then?" asked >Tenchi. AYEKA: Only for bridegroom training. (The others stare at her nervously.) Oh, I must have said that out loud . . . >"If you were a woman, maybe, but no, I'm just >horny," said Yosho as he started to take off his belt. (Everyone throws up into their vomit bags.) *BLEAAAAAARGH!!!* >"Grandpa! NO! You can't be serious!" screamed Tenchi >struggling even harder to get out of the ropes. >"Tenchi!!!" yelled Yosho as he pulled out his penis >from under his robes, "This will be fun!!!" "No >Grandpa! Please don't! Ryoko, Ayeka, Washu, Mihoshi, >and even Sasami I can understand PRISS(Tenchi): well, maybe not Washu. >but why you?" pleaded Tenchi. "Did you ever think >why I let your pathetic father marry my daughter >Tenchi?" asked Yosho. XEL: Because YOU were on a plate of sashimi? PETER: That would actually make sense, for this fic. >"You bastard! Leave mother out of this!!!" >screamed Tenchi. "I fucked Noboyuki, and he was >pretty good too," stated Yosho, RANMA(holding back vomit): Well, he DID leave Achika out of this. >"But still I've really been >doing this since I was born on Jurai." "Ewww..." >gagged Tenchi, "That's kinda more than I needed to >know Grandpa." AYEKA(turning a sickly shade of green): That is more than WE needed to know, too. >"Shut up Tenchi!" commanded Yosho, >"I'm going to fuck your ass, because right now you're >my bitch!" ALL: NOOOOOOOOO!!! >"NOOOOOOOOO!!!" ALL: WE ALREADY SAID THAT!!! >yelled Tenchi. Ryo- >Oh-Ki was busy hopping around in the carrot patch >when suddenly it heard Tenchi scream coming from >Yosho's shrine. RANMA(trying not to throw up again): Oh great. Some of the Shampoo speak got carried over from the last fic. *URP!* >"MIYA!!" it said to itself as it hopped >towards the shrine. It could hear Tenchi getting louder >as it got closer to the door of the shrine. Ryo-Oh-Ki >looked inside of the shrine and saw (The creepy, dramatic, music score sounds throughout the theater as Ryo-Oh-Ki looks inside the shrine.) *DUH-DUH-DUUUUM!!!* >Tenchi tied up and >naked. Ryo-Oh-Ki entered the shrine and walked >towards Tenchi, but it only took a few steps when it was >picked up by the scruff of the neck. XEL: Oh no! Oh no, no, no! Please don’t include the cabbit in this! Please!! >"Now now Ryo-Oh-Ki, we can't have you telling Ryoko and Washu what's >happening here can we?" PETER: Well, taking into account that Ryoko, while miles and miles away where Tenchi’s house used to be, could contact Ryo-oh-ki from a lake just three hundred feet down hill from the shrine, I think they would already know. >questioned Yosho as he took >his other hand and put it around Ryo-Oh-Ki's scrawny >carrot fed neck. "MIYA!!!" cried Ryo-Oh-Ki as it tried >to break free of Yosho's powerful grasp. (Peter starts whistling the theme from “Lassie”.) >If Ryoko hadn't >been drinking sake that night she might have heard >Ryo-Oh-Ki's cry, but unfortunately she had been trying >to break an old record of two hundred and six bottles. AYEKA(large sweatdrop on the back of her head): Even if that WAS her record, I have yet to see Ryoko so drunk that she does not hear Ryo-oh-ki crying out for her. >Ryoko didn't remember if that was the record but when >she woke up the next morning from drinking she saw >the number written on her hand, it might have been an >address, or an important number, but Ryoko figured if it >was important she would have remembered, so she >assumed that it must have been how many bottles of >sake she drunk, because she had a terrible hangover. ALL: . . . . . . . . . . . . . . RANMA: Well, at least he’s explaining it to us. >Washu on the other hand was busy checking her >experiment. Her experiment was too see if Ryoko could >figure out what the two hundred and six on her hand >meant. Washu figured Ryoko would never figure out >that two hundred and six was really how many brain >cells Mihoshi had multiplied by 10. RANMA: Hey! >Washu was having >a kick out of Ryoko getting drunk and trying to re-enact >the entire war of 1812 before she passed out and fell >face first onto the floor. But while she was having all >this fun she forgot that she was supposed to be >observing and she started to drink some of Ryoko's >sake, Washu wasn't exactly a good drinker so within ten >bottles she passed out too. PRISS(large sweatdrop on the back of her head): Uh-huh . . . >Mihoshi, well Mihoshi was >being Mihoshi. Let's just say that staring at the clothes >spinning around in the drier isn't exactly the best way to >spend evenings. XEL(Mihoshi, bored): Wheeee. This sure beats having fun. >Noboyuki was busy looking in Ayeka's >window AYEKA(outraged): He is WHAT!?!?! >when Azaka and Kamidake ambushed him >from behind. Noboyuki and the logs fell from Ayeka's >window and landed on the ground stirring up a huge >commotion in Ayeka's room. Ayeka stuck her head out >of the window to see Noboyuki and Azaka and >Kamidake sprawled across the ground. "REALLY MR. >MASAKI!!!" PETER: This thing reads like “End Of Evangelion” without the lucid plot. > was all that Ayeka could say, but none of >them could hear Ryo-Oh-Ki's cry for help, except for >Sasami. Sasami was cleaning up the mess Ryoko and >Washu made when XEL: they wet themselves. OTHERS: EEW!! >she heard the cabbit's cry race >through her head. RANMA: Like she’s THAT connected to the cabbit. >"NO! Ryo-Oh-Ki! Yosho couldn't be >doing that!" said Sasami thinking out loud, PRISS: Well he is doing that. Surprise, surprise. >"but what if it is true! AYEKA(Sasami): What if the author forgets to put in the question marks in my sentence! >Oh no! Poor Tenchi! I'd better go check out the shrine!" XEL(store clerk): Will that be paper, or plastic? >Sasami quickly ran to the shrine to see >what was happening inside, but she had a bad feeling >about what she would see at the shrine. RANMA: Then why go there!?!? >She quietly snook around the shrine RANMA(Sasami as Sasuke): Sneaky feet. Ninja feet. Sneaky feet. Ninja feet . . . >and looked in the door and saw >Yosho with Ryo-Oh-Ki. "Stop this Yosho!" she cried as >she leaped into the room, "what could possess you to do >this?" PETER(Yosho): Seanbaby. Who else? >Yosho looked back on the little girl and smirked >and said, "foolish girl can you not see it! I am not truly >Yosho! I am, JESUS!!!" PRISS & RANMA(Stan and Kyle from “South Park”): Our savior! >"WHAT!!!" shouted Sasami. AYEKA: Again forgetting the question marks. PETER: He said, (Through megaphone) “FOOLISH GIRL CAN YOU NOT SEE IT!!!!!!! I AM NOT TRULY YOSHO!!!!!!! I AM _JESUS_!!!!!!!” (Priss and Ranma both pull out smaller versions of Peter’s ‘Mr. Bullhorn’.) PRISS & RANMA(Stan and Kyle): OUR SAVIOR!!!!!!! (Ayeka, Peter, & Xelloss all stare nervously at Priss and Ranma.) >"I will teach you a lesson for getting in the way of the >devene purpose of my father!" said our lord and saviour, >Jesus, PRISS & RANMA(Stan and Kyle): Our savior! PETER(to Priss and Ranma): You two like that show entirely too much. >as he transformed and used his holy powers to >bind Sasami to the floor. "Sasami! I'm sorry I couldn't >stop him," said Tenchi, as he tried even harder to get >out of his ropes. AYEKA: If this was even remotely in character, Lord Tenchi would have escaped by now. >"Well let's see what I should do first, I >know! I'll shove Ryo-Oh-Ki up Tenchi's ass, (One collective round of vomiting, coming up!) *BLEAAAAAAARGH!!* >hahahaha! It will be fun, PETER(wiping his mouth): No it won’t! >but first I must make heaven's lubricant, >the eye blood of a young virgin! *PLOOOOOT!!* (Xelloss’ head explodes, sending streamers, confetti, and drops of vomit flying around the theater.) >Hahahahaha!" shouted Jesus (Priss and Ranma momentarily lift their faces from their vomit bags.) PRISS & RANMA(Stan and Kyle): Our savior! (And back to vomiting.) >insanely. "NOOOO! Please don't Jesus! Don't you >realize that you will make everyone puke if you fuck >Sasami's eye socket!" shouted Tenchi. ALL(excluding the still headless Xelloss): Exactly Tenchi! >"Exactly Tenchi! AYEKA: Stop repeating everything we say!! >That's why I must do it! In the name of my father!" said Jesus PRISS & RANMA(Stan and Kyle): Our savior! PETER: Would you two cut it out!!! >as he took hold of Sasami's small and cute little >head. Jesus plunged his penis into the little girl's eye >socket XEL(head regenerated): Okay, I’m back. (Looks up at the screen.) AAH! *PLOOOOOOOT!!!* OTHERS(throwing up): *BLEEEEEEEAAAAAAARGH!!!* >and moved his penis in and out as blood flowed >down his penis from her eye socket. All Sasami could >do was to cry out in pain, at which Jesus PRISS & RANMA(momentarily lifting their heads from their vomit bags, and doing impersonations of Stan and Kyle): Our savior! (Ayeka and Peter slam Priss and Ranma’s faces back into their respective vomit bags.) *WHAM-splat!* *WHAM-splat!* >went even and >harder faster as he pumped her head. Jesus PRISS & RANMA (via signboards): [Our savior!] (Ayeka and Peter both grab the signboards, and toss them to the neither regions of the theater.) >soon broke >through all the barriers and punctured Sasami's brain PETER(Sasami, in her final moment): I regret nothing!!! >leaving her a wriggling mess. "SASAMI!!! NOOOO!!!" PRISS(Stan): Oh my God! Our savior killed Sasami!! RANMA(Kyle): You bastard!!! >cried out Tenchi as he watched a loved one die at the >hands of the Christian saviour. "Now Tenchi I have >enough lubricant XEL(head renerated): Oy! That one hurt. Now what’s going on? >to shove Ryo-Oh-Ki up your ass! XEL: AAAH!!! *PLOOOOOOT!!!* >Hahahahaha!!!" laughed the insane Jesus PRISS & RANMA(Stan and Kyle): Our savior! AYEKA & PETER(to Priss and Ranma): Shut up! >as he coated >Ryo-Oh-Ki with Sasami's eye blood. Jesus took the >pathetic blood-smeared cabbit and shoved it up Tenchi's >tight teenaged ass (Yet another classic scene of vomiting by everyone but the headless Xelloss.) *BLEEEEEEAAAAAAAARGH!!!* PETER(looking into his vomit bag): I don’t remember eating that . . . or those either, but I might have eaten that one yesterday. >when suddenly a ray of hope arised. ALL: The End? >It was the one, the only, SEANBABY!!! ALL: . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . PRISS: Why do I feel like things just got worse. >"EAT COCK GUN WHORE!!!" yelled Seanbaby RANMA(Yosho): No thanks. I’m not in the mood for chicken. >as he shot his cock >into Jesus' PRISS & RANMA(Stan and Kyle): Our *BAM-WHAM!!* YEOW!!! (Ayeka and Peter lift their mallets off of Priss and Ranma’s feet.) >head and laughed as he died. XEL(head regenerated, but hiding behind his seat): Is it over? PETER: Yeah, I think so. You can come up now, Xelloss. XEL(sitting back in his seat): Oh good. >"Thanks Seanbaby! I'll always love you," said Tenchi as he >spread his legs out just a bit to let more anal blood drip >onto the floor. *PLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT!!!* (Everyone’s heads explode this time.) >And with that the super-hero Seanbaby >saved the day, and later beat up Mega Man, but that's >another story. The End PETER(headless, holding up a sign): [And there was much rejoicing!] ALL(headless and holding up signs): [FINALLY!!!!!!] >--- (Everyone’s heads finally regenerate.) >Authors Notes. Yes I know >that Seanbaby would probably never save Tenchi, AYEKA: Oh I certainly hope not. >but still I wanted the story to have a positive message while >still trying to be a really sick fanfic. RANMA: Well it’s trying too hard on that second part. >I probably would have liked to add more of a >Tenchi/Yosho(Jesus) scene ALL: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! >but, I didn't feel like writing anymore. PETER: We don’t feel like READING anymore!!! >I probably wont write a Tenchi Muyo fanfic ever again, (Confetti rains down, and the MST group, along with B-ko in the control booth {Who do you think is tossing the confetti?} start celebrating.) RANMA(doing super high leaps into the air): ALRIGHT!!!! XEL(doing backflips and cartwheels): YAHOO!! YIPPIE!! YA-HAAA!! PRISS(doing the Macarena): YES!! YES!! YEEEEEEEEEEEEEES!!! YA-TAH!!! PETER(doing the I.R. Baboon victory dance): He’s never going to write again! He’s never going to write again! He’s never going to write again! ARIBA!!! ARIBA!!! AYEKA(breakdancing): WHOOP! WHOOP!! WHOOP!!! OH-HO-HO-HO-HO-HO!!!!! (The group is so happy they do not even mind Ayeka’s laughing.) >because I must devote more time to loving Seanbaby, and worshipping >him. ALL(happily): Have fun!!! >Insult me at alienboy52@hotmail.com Or go to >Seanbaby's Homepage at http://www.seanbaby.com. >Thank you, yes I know you all want to kill me now. PETER: Oh no, we don’t wanna do that! Because; you’re never going to write again! He’s never going to write again! We’ll never see another Tenchi Muyo fic by him again! PRISS: Beat you up and maim you for writing this, sure, but you’ve made our this day worth it by saying you’re never going to write Tenchi Muyo fan fiction ever again! YAHOOOOOOO!!! (The MST group keeps singing, all the way out of the theater.) ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Group assessment to fan fiction author; You really want us to give out reports?!?!? Okay. Here it goes! 8. Why Tokimi REALLY wants Tsunami and Washuu: AYEKA: You should be glad that I am not going to go after you for THIS story. RANMA: I guess I’ve seen worse. PRISS: I’ve seen better. PETER: And yet YOU complain to Brian about his use of Misa. 7. TENCHI MUYO IN LUST: AYEKA: I have seen worse both before and after reading your work. That is all I have to say. RANMA: Sex, sex, and more sex. Where’s the plot? It’s in another movie entirely. PRISS: What’s with you and that fuzz faced cop? PETER: Why did you stop? 6. Ecchi Level?!: AYEKA: Now THIS I am angry at you for. RANMA: That laughter is STILL giving me the heebie-jeebies! PRISS: She doesn’t act like that (thankfully), most of the time. PETER: I’ve got news for you. Ayeka’s S&M fetish is NOT anything new. 5. Uncontralable Desires: AYEKA: For crying out loud, learn to spell! RANMA: Did you have to use the same plot to one fic, for the sub plot of this one? PRISS: Did you even BOTHER to proof read this? PETER: Idea; fine. Plot; okay. Grammar; terrible. XEL: Needs work. 4. NO NEED FOR Tenticales!: AYEKA: What makes me the most nauseous about this story is that I CAN picture Miss Washu having a tentacle beast in her lab. RANMA: Too, many, TENTACLES!! PRISS: Three words; Eew, Yuck, and Ick! PETER: The episode you made with Sasami in it is better, but this one wasn’t that bad. XEL: I like tentacles as much as the next guy, but you MAY have gone a little overboard. 3. Happosai’s Lemon Ideas: AYEKA: The actual story you put into this . . . document is just short enough to be enjoyable. But expanded versions of these leave much to be desired. RANMA: What do you have against Mihoshi!? What did she ever do to you!? PRISS: You made her out of character. You made her quick and to the point! PETER: Some ideas only look good in text. XEL: Well, that was certainly interesting. 2. Sasami’s Quest II: AYEKA: You are a prime example of why Anime characters normally do not enjoy the knowledge of what fan fiction writers do. RANMA: What do you all have against Mihoshi!!? PRISS: I’ve seen worse. I think. PETER: Learn. Better. English. XEL: Your writing is a contradiction in terms. Tasteful lemon, with a disgusting plot. 1. Yosho, the old man who rapes teenage boys: AYEKA: Let me put it this way; you are lucky that you are not writing for the series which I am from. End of story. RANMA: You’d better keep your promise!! PRISS: We promise not to kill you, so long as you stay away from us. PETER: Your spelling’s slipping, I hope you know. XEL: I hope you and Seanbaby have a very happy life together. Be sure to send wedding photos. ^_^ HAPPY NEW MILLENNIUM!!!!!!! End of research documentation. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------- AUTHOR’S NOTES: Ladies and Gentlemen, and you Tank Cop, I give you the official MST of the new millennium!!! Sorry I couldn’t start at ten. This thing was hard enough as it is! I’ve seen K’thardin’s review for my latest X-over fic, and I have to say that while I am honored, I’m not going to let up on K’thardin that easily. ^_^ Besides, his listing of me as the foremost leader of Tenchi Muyo MSTs already eased some of my personal tension towards him. Besides, why hate K’thardin so much, when there are writers like Tank Cop still on the loose! On a personal note, I am planning to continue my MSTs well into the next thousand years for as long as I can! Expect new guest stars, new fics, new jokes, and my first attempt at adding a musical bit to one of these things! Also expect new fics by yours truly, along with the continuation of “Ruby Red, Catlike Eyes”, which I will air in a series of smaller fics, instead of the one large one I was planning. Just for a preview, I’ll tell you a little about what I plan to happen. New friends, new loves, and the series will end with a wedding you won’t wanna miss! And until next time Thea-thea-thea- That’s all, folks! Peter Suzuki. EYECATCH: XEL(dick#43): Hey, question! How can we be shooting cum, if this beast has no balls?! PRISS(dick#104): I guess Washuu doesn’t like nuts! RANMA(dick#95): But I thought EVERYONE likes ‘Planters’ nuts! PETER(dick#67): Who’s Planter?