Disclaimer::I do not own Tenchi or anything else, except the Bandt crew,Nuff said! The Bandit Crew MSTs#6 "KAGATO'S REVENGE ENDS NOW!!!" Bandit Roll Call Jimmy:Hows it hangi'n? Hunter:Chop Suey! Psyco:Monkey Love! Demon:I see dead people! Tenchi:Nooo!!!! ::The SS.Bandit set docked on a remote planet,its crew had long since noticed that the security driods that gaurded them so well were down.Uhsaw,the "master" of the ship set,along with the fan-fic operater Preacher Chris,tied to chairs. Earlier that morning,Demon had found out about the robotic gaurds and along with the rest of the crew had planned revenge on the tormenters.And what better way then to make the punishment fit the crime?Psyco had it all planned out,the time had come for Uhsaw and Chris to endure the pain,the time had come for them to mst fanfics!So thats what happen,now the two set tied to theater seats while the crew set in the projection room:: (on intercom)So Uhsaw your about to mst something for us... (hopping up and down trying to break the ropes that held him)Spawn of Satan! (blushes) And to make sure you two dont close your eyes,say anything offensive about us,or try to break free,were gonna apoint a gaurd to stay with you (from behind the projection room door)Im not coming out I look stupid dont make us tie you down there with them.. ::At this,Tenchi slowley opens the door and walks over beside Uhsaw,and takes a seat beside of him:: (smirking)What makes you think you can stop us from trying to escape boy? (grins and opens the gray trench coat he is wearing to reveal a full arsinal of weapons and torture devices and a pretty pink tu-tu) (slink into their seats) ::suddenly,as always,the lights went out in the theater and one of the crew appeared on the screen:: Well,well,well,is'nt this a pretty sight You make God cry Jimmy Silence! (hands Jimmy a roll of film off screen) (holds it up)In my hands I hold a fan-fic Duh! It is called "KAGATO'S REVENGE' ENDS NOW!!!"by Ash Lambert,ehehe enjoy, I and the rest of the crew will be watching from the projection room,ya know the one with the complimentary hot bar..Fwhahahahahaha ::The screen then goes blank again:: Hey everyone, (wave) I read "Kagato's Revenge" (pity me and yourselves as well if you know what I'm talking about) Pity doesnt cover what I feel right now , so this HAS to be done. Frankly, I'm surprised nobody did this earlier. I am including this in the Lemon section simply because it's predecessor was a lemon. So its a sick follow up to a really sick story? But it does not actually hold much lemon in it. It holds two cups sugar and three cups crap too I am using my own character from my X-over series "Pride of a Sai-jin," I am not far into it yet so technically I'm getting ahead of myself. But this needs to be written before I lose the mood. This will not affect the story that I am already writing. Why do these guys think that putting their own character in my fan-fics is cool anyway?We already have enough people living in the house Disclaimer: I do not own Tenchi Muyo! or it's characters. Same with Ranma ½. And I borrowed a little something from DOOM^_^. Kai is mine, use him only with my permission. That should be good enough, ON WITH THE JUSTICE FIC!!! So God smites the author after this? 'KAGATO'S REVENGE' ENDS NOW!!! (get up to leave but are hydro-pumped back into place) (from the projection room with a fire hose)Thats what the fic is called its not over yet! By Ash Lambert Something was wrong at the Masaki house. (smirks) The sun was shining and all seemed peaceful. The lake shimmered with light and the house was in one piece. Amazing,Ryoko and Ayeka have'nt brought the roof down yet? But nobody was there. Well,I guess they all went to Krispy Kreme "What the heck is going on here?" Asked a confused Kai. "Got me," said Ryouga, "why don't you find their kis? I'm hungry, so we have to find Sasami fast!" O.o Ohh my God!Hes gonna eat Sasami! (shrugs)Not much different then most Sasami lemons "Yeah, right, like the fate of the universe depends on how full your stomach is." "How'd you know?" *face fault* "I swear, he's turning into that Ranma guy that he's obsessed with." Muttered Kai under his breath. (from the projection room)Did he fall into another spring or something? Not that we know of... "Stop interrupting Ryouga, I'm trying to concentrate." Dont hurt yourself After a few moments, Kai tracks down the ki forces of his friends. What he finds is disturbing. "That's funny, why are they all in outer space? Shouldn't they be dead if they were?" Ryouga takes a second to absorb this, then he proceeds to knock Kai up side the head. "Baka, they are in a ship obviously. Washu probably wanted to do some experiments that were too dangerous on earth. They must have used the Yagami." Or Tsunami Or Ryo-ohki Okay I think they get the picture "Sorry, but I saw the Yagami in Washu's lab this morning. It was trashed (again)." (as the Yugami)Whoa,Lil' Washu,this is good shit,im like trashed "Well, in any case, we need to get there. Why don't you use that instantaneous movement thing you used in our last fight?" "Ok, ok, don't get so anxious. It's not like some evil villain that should be dead is up there torturing them as we speak you know." Ooo,foreshadowing Wonder if there really will be a villan?(acts surprised) Grabbing Ryouga's shoulder, Kai proceeded to teleport. %%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%% Rail road tracks It came as a shock when they reappeared. Pikachu!I told you not to get scared like that! They were closer all right,but still so far away for Ryouga. "Dang Ryouga, that's the last time I teleport with you!" Kai managed to get up a ki shield around them both before Ryouga imploded. Spontainious human combustion "(huff) Why'd you teleport us into space baka! (huff) Inside the ship would have been good enough." "Well I would have but somehow the transmission was thrown off course. Would you please explain how that could happen, hmmm?" "No comment." Said an embarrassed Ryouga. "Could you teleport us inside now? I'd feel a lot safer." And I could breathe "No way, I'm not risking it. We're gonna have to fly close enough to not get lost teleporting inside." "...quit it already." Kai maneuvered the ki bubble to the closest part of the ship. Searching inside, he almost missed the closest life force. (From the projection room as Kai)I detect a lifeform...Ohh my god! Its Roseanne! Beam me up Scotty! "What the..., that's Sasami!" "What about Sasami?" She tastes crunchey even in milk "Ryouga, we're gonna have to hurry this up! Sasami's in trouble, it feels like someone beat her up real bad!" "Then stop telling me and get in there!" Ryouga exclaimed. "What kind of sick freak would hurt Sasami!" :cough:Kagato:Cough: Ryouga stopped yelling as he realized that Kai had already brought them from the cold, deadness of space...into a spectacle of sick, unimaginable cruelty. Thats not that scary Yeah,you wanna see a scary room just look at Jimmy's Care Bears are collectables man!And their adoarable... For several seconds, all they could do was stare. Thats gotta be bad on the eyes This guy is'nt so bad,hes ending the fic early I think hes just to lazy to remind us of what happened before Ryouga snapped out of it first. He noticed that a wall had reacted to their entrance. Out of it came what seemed hundreds of tentacles, all bearing various instruments of torture. NOOO!!!!NOT A TENTACLE RAPE SCENE!!! Ryouga saw that they meant every kind of harm imaginable and did the only thing he could think of through the sheer depression this scene caused. (grabs a bottle of water)Tiem to run away like scared little piggy! Sewy! "SHI SHI HOKUDAN" The pillar of ki shot up into the ship, destroying everything in the room and the three rooms above it. The tentacles were gone, they remained. For no living being in that room had the will to live. Same thing goes for the living beings in this room (rimshot) Not Ryouga or Kai, for nobody wants to live in a universe were these things happen. And certainly not the poor, tortured body of Sasami. Although she clung onto the last tread of her life, she did not wish to live any longer. (looks at a bottle of bleach) (looks at a dagger) (looks at Tenchi-ken) Kai was next to awaken, in his own way. The feelings of grief and empathy suddenly replaced with RAGE. Sounds like me after a hangover It flowed through his entire being like nothing he ever felt before. His battle ki showed as he started thinking of slow and painful ways for the defiler to die. Three words for slow death..."Stomach Wrenching Lemons" What a way ta go... His power up was so strong that it knocked Ryouga over, which fully returned the lost boy to his senses. Then the transformation began, first going super sai-jin, then after a few seconds his ki got even stronger as he went SSJ2. His now golden hair began to grow as something that usually had to be done with training started to manifest itself. Kai's eyebrows began to recess then finally disappeared altogether. Alot like Uhsaw's hair (slides his darth vader like mask tighter around his head) With a loud scream of frustration and rage, he finished the transformation. (as Kai)I am now woman! As for Ryouga, he could barely believe his eyes. If he hadn't witnessed the transformation, he wouldn't have believed this was really Kai. "Ryouga, carry Sasami. The others are here and probably captured as well. We must go search for them." Ryouga nodded and started to bind Sasami's many wounds. Seeing that she wouldn't last very long with her energy that low, Kai gave her a VERY small portion of her energy. Even so, it was enough to jolt her awake… (as Sasami)Ohh I had such a horrible dream,I dreamt I was in a crappy fan fic... (as Ash Lambert)That was no dream,hahahaha! %%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%% Kagato stopped. He hated to be interrupted, but when a scream that loud sounded, people tended to listen. What bad timing too, Kagato had just gotten the restrained Ayeka's clothes off after about five or six minutes of whipping with a cat-o-nine-tails, leaving her skin shredded from the electrified pieces of sharp metal on each tip. Ooo,kinky Yep,thats tough love... "Wait for me, Princess Ayeka, it seems that an intruder had come aboard the Sousa to rescue you. (As Kagato)I have to make sure that the one breaking into the neighboring ship,the "Sousa" relizes you are here on the "Souja" Don't worry, it won't take long." With a chuckle, Kagato left the dangling princess alone for now. He teleported to his control room and began searching the rooms for the enemy. All the while wondering WHO would dare to challenge him, Kagato, aboard his own ship. Heh,I kicked his butt once,but in the spirit of all fic writers,the bastard keeps coming back Getting bored with the search, Kagato decided to see if the little one had awakened yet. He commanded the image brought up and was treated to the very interesting sight… All of the Tenchi women were having an orgy! (nose bleed) %%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%% …of Sasami running naked around a stunned Kai (still SSJ3) and Ryouga at around 100 miles an hour. After a minute of this, she fell back asleep from exhaustion. "Kai?" Asked a dumbstruck Ryouga. "Why did you give her so much energy?" I thought they were date rape pills,I swear! "I swear, I gave her only a little bit!" Answered an equally dumbstruck Kai (and remember, there is nothing funnier than a dumbstruck Super Sai-jin). :cough:Goku:Cough: "Oh well, at least her dreams look happy again." "Yeah, that was horrible. I'm gonna get the others and bring them here. You can clothe Sasami until I get back" "Hey! Why don't I get to go!" "Would you like us to appear in the middle of the main power core of this ship?" o_o "Good point." (as Ryouga)Good point,here Sasami you can wear my bandanna %%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%% Kai went from room to room, gathering more friends as he went by. Lets see thats Chandler,Phoebe,and Rachel,where are the others? First was Tenchi, trapped in a weirdly shaped room that would not allow him to get into any kind of comfortable condition. Which basically made him pissed off (OOC, I know, I know) and ready to strike out at the first person he saw. Batter up! Next was Washu, who after being freed from her crystal prison mumbled, "I am the greatest scientific genius in the universe…no…you can't mean that…I am." After calming her down, she had the presence of mind to ask about the unconscious Tenchi with him. (pops up from behind Uhsaw)Date rape,long story not enough memory.. (Dissappears) "Oh, he's all right. I just hope I didn't hit him too hard." Said a thoroughly embarrassed Kai. O.O We did nothing,I swear! Then came Ryoko, who was very glad not to be alone anymore. Ayeka was healed by Washu, then recovered and ordered new clothes be made at once. An obvious assurance that she would be okay. Finally, Mihoshi. Apparently, Kagato couldn't think of an effective mental torture for her so she was just left alone. (as Mihoshi)The nice man gave me a coloring book while he went to play with Ayeka! %%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%% They all appeared in front of Ryouga and a fully clothed (yet still unconscious) Sasami. Everyone except Kai asked a confused Ryouga the questions plaguing their minds. "Where the #@$% are we?!" "When can we eat?" "How did you get here?" "WHAT HAPPENED TO MY SISTER?!!!" "Who is he?" What the longitude and latidtude of the nucleus of an atom? Ryouga laughed at the last one and answered/asked Tenchi, "What, you mean you don't recognize Kai?" "KAI!!!" exclaimed all of them at once. "How did this happen?" asked Washu, "His power is off my readout." Kai answered, "Long story, short fic, tell you later." Far off in the distance, they could hear a wall breaking. *group sweatdrop* Ayeka then announced, "Lord Tenchi, Kagato has returned, we must stop him!" "Awww, can't we just go home? I don't really feel like fighting today." Commented Mihoshi. (as Mihoshi)After that orgy we had,im pooped ::The sound of broken glass and gunshots can be heard:: (over the chaos)Die hentai! Ryoko proceeded to grab Mihoshi's ear and yell into it, "WE CAN'T DO THAT! WHAT ARE YOU THINKING YOU LITTLE DITZ! HELLO, IS ANYBODY IN THERE!" I thought scolding Mihoshi was Kiyone's job? Very,very odd "Calm down Ryoko." interceded Kai. After a moment to detach Ryoko, he said, "I will show you something to remove all doubts from even the most empty of minds. (picks his nose)Did he say something? Ryouga, please show them Sasami." Looking away, Ryouga exposed Sasami's mutilated chest once again, then quickly covered it back up. (covers his eyes) "Kai? How long do you think it will be before they move again?" asked Ryouga. But the point was moot as the gang recovered. Tenchi summoned the Light Hawk Wings with ease, "Where is the #$^%&#*!!?" That is so OOC What the #$&* you talking about,you stupid %$^&*(@ *&^%$ Washu changed into her volleyball uniform. "I have a very special place I'd like to stick this condensed thermonuclear war…oops…I mean ball, I really did! "I'MGONNAKILLTHE@#$^#@$%$#^@^$%$#^%%^%@#$%#$^#@^$#@%#$%$@#^$#@^%$#^%@#$^$#@%#$ @^@#%$%^%^$#@%@^%@#^@$%$@^@^@%@^@#%@$#^@%%@$^@&&@%@^@&@$&&@^$$#@^@$#^%@#^@#%& @%@%@#^@#$^%@#^@^@##^@#%@#$^^#$@%@^@%@^@^@#^$@^@^^&*&#^@^@^$^@#$^@#$^@$#^@#$^ %@$#^@#^@&@@^@^&%%$#&@%@^@%^@###$^#…(paused for breath)…@#%^@%^@$#^%$^&$#@$#@^%@^%@%@#^@%^%@$#^@$#%$^%@$#^@$#^%$#@%@$#^@%#^@#% $#^%@^@%$#@^@#$%@^@##%#@!^#%&@%^#$&#%@@&%@%@&&%#&^%#^#&#@^&%#$^@^%&@^#@$%&&#@ @#%^@$#^^%^#$!" Muttered Ryoko as she phased into her battle suit. (in shame)I am no longer the biggest potty mouth in the universe Foul mouth is dead,Long live Ryoko! Ayeka, meanwhile, changed into some leathers (causing Ryouga's nose to bleed profusely) and cracked HER whip. "I know one naughty boy that needs to be whipped!" (raise their hands,but get shot at by Demon) (Insert annoying Ayeka laugh here) HEHeheheeehehehahahahahaha!!!!! Mihoshi started crying, but didn't hold back her enthusiasm as she played with her cube and got two shoulder mounted BFLC's (Not a BFG, a BFLC=Big @#$%^&* Laser Cannon). "Dang, I was trying to get something bigger, but these will have to do *sigh* I have a tommy gun that would make that look like a dime store water gun! (lifts up his shirt to show a hole in the middle of his torso)She sure does "Well," said Ryouga (after wiping all of the blood off), "That worked well. Now all we have to do is find that Kagato guy." At the mention of Kagato, Ryouga found himself at the end of an assortment of various weapons and getting scary looks from all of the girls (and one boy). (look at Tenchi) Fortunately, they held back until they heard Kagato's voice coming from nowhere. "Ah, hello my loyal fans. I see you have been enjoying yourselves. No need to look for me, I will just come get you." With that, the group was teleported. %%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%% Kagato laughed at his own wit. He had gone through the entrance perfectly, down to the very last detail. But when he turned around, his 'prisoners' were not in the cage where he had teleported them. Ryouga's 'talent' had worked again. After Kai located where they were in relation to Kagato, he blasted the floor of their room to let everybody drop in on top of Kagato. After disengaging themselves, the whole group (except the sleeping Sasami) vented their rage on the body of the former captor. (look at Uhsaw and Chris evily) (nervously)Don..dont get any id..ideas.. (prays to God) As it turned out, Kagato's new body could take a lot more punishment than his last one. This was just fine by Tenchi, Washu, Ayeka, Ryoko, Ryouga, and Mihoshi. They played a game of cat and mouse throughout the entire ship. Where if you found the evil, sick-minded villain, you got one free hit and as many others as you could fit in. Obstacles were not a question because nobody really gave a crap about those. (grins) Finally, Kagato was cornered in the main control room again with all six of the players. Just as they were about to kill him, Kai finally stepped in. He made a shield around Kagato, which was soon tested as various powers were tried against it. But it held. "Stop, don't you think he's had enough?" Kai screamed. "NO!" all of them screamed back. "Well I do, so if you want to kill Kagato, you have to get through me." They tried, they failed miserably. Your powers of crap even hold off little Sasami:cough: "Now, we are all going home right now. I'm not going to risk teleportation, so we're going to have to fly." (sing)I want to get away..I want to fly away... There was a lot of grumbling, but they all complied (after numerous threats) and left the ship in a bubble of Kai's ki. Leaving Kagato dazed, badly beaten, but still alive. After a mile (.593 seconds), Tenchi was the only one not drained from fighting to notice… "Hey Kai, why did you stop?" Kai smiled and laughed a very evil laugh. "YOU FOOLS! DID YOU THINK I'D LET EVIL LIKE THAT GO COMPLETELY UNPUNISHED. NOW I WILL BE THE ONE TO KILL HIM, AND THERE IS NOTHING YOU CAN DO ABOUT IT! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Instantly, six mallets landed rather hard on Kai's golden head. But this had no effect as he condensed two thirds of his power into a sphere on the tip of his finger. It was golden in color and was about two inches in diameter. Still laughing, Kai used his will power to fly the energy ball right in front of Kagato's face. That is one powerful fart! "oooh…the pretty colors" were Kagato's last words. It exploded. "Uhh, Kai?" Said Ryouga, "How much energy did you put into that thing?" "About two thirds, why?" You forgot the sugar you idiot! "Remember what happened to Sasami." "…oh crap…" Kai prepared to teleport as the explosion neared them. The explosion ended up destroying two of the planets in the blast and five moons. (snickers)Only two planets and five moons? (Run out and sit where Uhsaw,Chris and Tenchi are looking up nervously) Ahh,all by myself And the forms of our heroes (and the still sleeping Sasami) were destroyed as with all within the range of impact. Nothing survived. YAY! Yeah!Im dead!hey,wait a sec %%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%% Nobuyuki was walking home from his work today, oblivious to any of the going-ons in the universe. He looked up and saw what he thought as a star going super-nova and made a wish (don't know if it was an Earth or Juraian custom, but he did so anyway) for the safety of his family. Suddenly, a hand shot out of the ground and grabbed his ankle. Nobuyuki screamed like a little girl and fainted. (screams like a little girl and faints) Drama queen "Stupid Ryouga," complained a normal looking Kai, "I was expecting to appear a few miles near Nobuyuki, heck, even above Nobuyuki. But not below him. It takes so much energy to teleport in the place of matter." "What happens when you do?" Asked Mihoshi in her ignorant way of speaking. You end up in a sea of doggie doo "The matter appears in your place," answered Washu, "isn't it obvious? That's why it takes so much energy." "Hey Dad, are you ok?" Tenchi tried reviving his father with little luck. "Kai's looking normal again." Pointed out Ryoko. "We know what that means." Supplied Ayeka. Again, six mallets rushed to make an appointment with Kai's head. But Kai remembered Sasami's condition, which made him go SSJ3 again. CRACK*6! "Dangit, those were some good mallets too." "Washu," said Kai, "you can erase Sasami's memory, right?" (as Washu)Dammit Kia,Im the greatest scientsit in the universe,not a doctor! "Yeah, yeah, don't worry about it. But I can't stop the scarring, they are permanent. Ahh,nothing like leaving a lasting impression "Not if I have anything to say about it. I am going to heal Sasami, I'll be right back." Kai picked up Sasami and promptly disappeared. %%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%% They reappeared at the Sanctuary. Dende was watching the Earth again and didn't notice Kai's approach. So he didnt bother to take his hand out of his pan..WHACK! (Sits down the slab of hentai bludgening) He noticed when Kai knocked him back on his butt and placed Sasami before him. "Heal her." Kai growled. Dende was about to protest when two things hit him. One was that his old pupil was SSJ3, the other was the small girl's condition. Earth's guardian was very complacent after that and Kai left with Sasami's body and mind back in one piece. You did well Dende-wan %%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%% "Okay, done. The number one greatest scientific genius in the universe has done it again." (appear on Tenchi's head) <1>Yes Washu,your the greatest! <2>Yes Washu,your the genius! (grabs the chibis and eats them) "You mean that Sasami will have no memory whatsoever of today's events?" Asked Kai. "Correct." After being reassured of this fact, Kai's body calmed down and left SSJ3 mode. WHACK*6! %%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%% Sasami woke up early the next morning with a splitting headache. Yet she fought it and started breakfast. Soon enough, that went away too. Now it was again a normal day at the Masaki household. Except for one thing. "Kai? Why aren't you eating? Are you sick? What happened to your head?" (guess who…) THE END Woah, that took a long time. I hope you all enjoyed it. I also hope I didn't make too many spelling and grammar errors. I have to give the man credit,he made no grammer or spelling mistakes Only the mistake of writing this in the first place I lost most of my enthusiasm in writing this about the time of the fight scene (if you can call it that) because of my mom. So he writes his fics while playing a rousing game of pocket po..WHACK!! When will you guys ever learn? Don't ask. Anyway, I'm a usually a dull guy so I'm not sure if you noticed or not. Again, please send all thoughts/comments/suggestions/flames to Vandalier1@aol.com. Really, I won't mind one bit. 'Till next time. (wave goodbye) Ash Lambert ::As the screen goes blank,three new security droids break in to the theater and break Chris and Uhsaw loose,as the rest of the crew look on in horror as Uhsaw orders the droids to drag them off to the room so affectionatly called"The Purple room" In the "Purple Room"...:: (in a Barney costume)Well I rather enjoyed this field day (dressed like Prince)Hey he will have to keep his gaurd down some other time... (dressed like Tinky-winky)Why am I being punished?I didnt do anything (being mauled by purple dobermans)Ouch..think of it as..ooo ouch..being martyrd..OWW!! (fades out of exsistence) Where did he go? (appears on the screen)I have decided to put young Hunter J to death WHA? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA(wipes a tear from his eye)Dont worry,you will soon get another vic..I mean volunteer Good night every one! This is Jenny,aka Demon,stay tuned for the next MST,where the Bandit crew get another member!And as always send all praises or punishments to DemonJen@aol