Burn you damn aliens!!!! ------------------------- By Vincent M.'Max Raven' Eskilsson (_8thlegion_max@mail.bip.net) and Henrik Persson (egrim@hotmail.com) Tenchi Muyo is the property of AIC and Pioneer. We didn't create this characters... yadda yadda... We're not making any money out of this, so don't sue us. All other characters are own by their respective companies. They shouldn't sue us either. Resistence is futile, as the Borg says... ------------------------- Ok, it was a beautiful day... Yes, and there was sun and really fucking hot, so let's call it a lousy day, ok? Fine. Anyway, Tenchi was... Then suddenly his house caught fire!!!! No it didn't!! Oh yes it did! Oh no it didn't! (Continued contridictions for about 20 minutes, like Monthy Python.) Anyway, Tenchi was... Damn! I forgot what he was doing! Then suddenly his house caught fire!!!! No, what was he doing? He was trying to put out the fire in his house. His house isn't on fire. Oh yes it is, I told you before. Shut up, stop that already. Sorry. Let's just say he was in the carrot field. Then suddenly a green character showed up. In fact, there were four of them. Hmm? Green..? You've got me mystified. Uhhh... Yeah... And they said "Hey dude, where's the beach? Do you know where we can get pizza and soda?" Green guys going surfing... Well... It's... Original... Yes it is, considering you usually don't see them coming out of the ground. Oh, you mean the tiny green stone-eaters... No, they don't surf you fuck. Well, I suppose. Anyway, Tenchi's reaction was... No no, there was no reaction 'cause they killed Tenchi. They what?! I hate Tenchi, so I let him die. Well, he was saved by... err... Let's just say he died for now. Yeah yeah. Ok, then got Ryoko came out of the house, seeing the green guys. When she saw Tenchi's corpse, she decided to kill them. But the four guys didn't want to be killed, so they pulled out their weapons, and yelled "Turtle power!", and attacked her... And died. Oh, you don't like the Turtles huh... Hmm... Let's just say... NO. Then Tsunami resurrected Tenchi. No I resurrected Tenchi. You couldn't possibly... Yes I can. I am the fanfic writer, I can do whatever I want. Sasami was cooking in the kitchen when... Aren't you going to say something? Hey, where are you?? Huh? What? I said, Sasami was cooking when... So? Sasami was cooking, what was she cooking then? What do you expect me to say? The stove blew up? I was expecting something like that. Piss off, I don't hate Sasami. (This guy's been watching Angel Cop too much.) Only 3 times a week. Well, Sasami was cooking a stew and Ryo-Ohki was there with her. Tenchi entered the kitchen and said: -"What's for dinner Sasami?" -"Stew.", Sasami replied. -"I love you Sasami.", Tenchi said and hugged her. Pedophile. Hey! This is like a brother-sister hug. Yeah right... Suddenly, Washu burst into the room, screaming: -"Mihoshi killed Kiyone!" ...Or was it the other way around? Fine, I don't feel like arguing anymore, so I'll just agree upon everything you say. Ok, you suck. You're hella stupid. Don't push it. Hey, you said you were going to ignore me! No I didn't. Yes you did. Hmmm hmmm hmmm.... See? Now you are. Well, after Washu had screamed that, she saw Tenchi, and went: Dead? No he wasn't dead. Washu went berzerk? NO!!!! Washu went: Well go something then! Argh. When she saw him, Washu went: -"Ah, there you are my guinea pig!" -"Oh no!", Tenchi said and commited suicide. You just killed Tenchi, happy? Killed him twice actually. Sadist. Sadist?? He didn't die painfully! He just... Died... Tenchi fell to the floor, blood spurting from his mouth. Wow, does this mean you do what I say? Cool! He had stuck one of the bread knives into his left lung, puncturing it. Let's see now... Who do we kill next... Oh yeah! Then Ryoko came into the kitchen. -"Mom! You bastard! You killed Tenchi!", she yelled. Yes!! And there goes Washu, heheheh! Ryoko summoned her energy saber and chopped Washu's head off. In the other side of the kitchen, they are still in the kitchen, aren't they? Yes. Good. And in the other side of the kitchen. The mental images come to me all too easily... Shut up. And in the other side of the kitchen, there appeared a big red figure. Actually it was at least 10 feet tall. And it had spikes on it's back. How does a 10 feet figure fit into that kitchen? Shut up, Mansel. Vincent... Whatever. He lowered his arms and quickly moved them up again, incinerating Ryoko (okay that's not enough to kill ryoko, but let's say so.) Ryoko staggered over the floor, burning, and with her final breath, sliced the figure in half, killing it. Good, I wondered how we would get rid of it. I was thinking about Yosho, but as Ryoko got her ass kicked, he would have been an easy match. I don't know about this, first you take Turtles, and now Diablo... You're right, we need Jason. This fic is obviously turning very dark... No, it's very good. Let's see now, what characters do I have left to kill... Let's see, we've got Yosho, Mihoshi, Sasami... You don't want to kill Sasami. You're right, think I'll take Ryo-Ohki instead. Don't you dare hurt that cabbit. Watch me. Sasami leaned over Tenchi, tears filling her eyes. "Tenchi...", she whispered with a tearfilled voice. I can't stand this! I'll have Freddy Kruger kill her! Sasami fell asleep, crying, and never woke up. Hopefully. Ryo-Ohki started crying, everyone she ever had feelings for was now dead. You don't like this fanfic, do you? The room caught fire from Ryoko's burning body. I told you the house would burn, but you said it wouldn't. Now you've changed your mind, which means I've won. Aeka was in her room, not noticing the smell of the burning house. Damn, forgot to kill Mihoshi. When Mihoshi entered the kitchen, her luck finally ran out when she slipped and her brain floated out all over the burning floor from her skull. Incredible, I had no idea she had a brain. Well, not anymore... Then Aeka's eyes grew wide with terror... They're always wide. ...Grew wider with terror as she saw a gigantic spaceship hovering in above the house. Cool, Independence Day! I'm not finished. Ryo-Ohki didn't move. She had no will to live left. Aeka wanted to run, but she couldn't move. The ship's middle opened, revealing a bright light. Now the fire had reached every corner of the house, and Yosho ran down to try to help people out of it. At the same time, Nobuyuki came home from work. Oh yeah, I forgot to kill him. As the ship blasted the house, Aeka, Yosho and Nobuyuki were all utterly destroyed. Their ash was spread with the wind, and everything came to full circle. The worms had the best meal they'd had in years, and everyone was happy (or dead), now that all main characters in the Tenchi Muyo universe were dead. So one thing we agree upon... Yes one thing we agree upon... Tenchi's house burned. Indeed. And another thing. Both of us: *Damn you aliens!* -------------- No comments are to be sent to Henrik Persson, but flames are accepted. All other flames and etc. are to be sent to Vincent M.'Max Raven'Eskilsson (_8thlegion_max@mail.bip.net). You're going to kill us now, right? Well don't even bother. You're going to carve our hearts out with spoons? AAAAAAH! So? Don't mind him, he's nuts. Nope. (continued argument for two hours)