DISCLAIMER (brought to you by Carl): We don’t own anyone in this, apart from ourselves, kay? And if you don’t like it, you can go eat sh… * hit by Katy with a frying pan * Katy: What twat here was trying to say was don’t sue us, cause we don’t have no cash, and as you can see, Carl chucked the ‘censor-o-matic‘™ out the airlock, and we cant afford another one, so there’s swearing in here! ========================================================================================= * Cut to the dining room, where Carl is drinking what seems to be a glass of milk * Carl: Mmm, this milk tastes weir…. * falls unconscious to the floor * * Katy, Libby and Vegeta walk in * Katy: So he did drink the tranquillisers I put in the fridge. Libby (Kyle): Oh my god, you killed Carl! Vegeta (Stan): You bastard! What am I saying? I hated that little gimp! Carl: I’m alive still * barfs * but ill, I thi… * falls unconscious again * * Later… * Washu: With the amount of tranquilliser he drank, he’s going to be unconscious until… the fic after this one Vegeta: But whos going to replace him? We have to have four people. And besides, if you think I’m going into a theatre alone with those two * gestures towards Katy and Libby who are giggling * you better think again! Katy: I say Beldin from the Belgariad and the Mallorean by David Eddings! Libby: Oh yeah! Beldin! Beldin! Beldin! Washu: Okay then! * Taps a few keys on the holo-top and a hunchbacked old man wearing old patched tunic and hose appears. He looks distinctly unwashed and smells rancid * Vegeta: What’s that smell? Beldin: Me, you got a problem with it buddy? * Beldin stumps towards Vegeta wielding a large piece of wood, Vegeta backs away * Vegeta: No, I don’t have a problem with it, why would I have a problem with it? Washu: Your probably wondering where you are, what your doing here, and why we all look like drawings, right? Beldin: No, I’m just wondering where the food is. * Scratches armpit * Washu (grinding teeth): I’m gonna adjust his personality in a minute. Why in the name of all that is holy did you choose… HIM! Katy and Libby: BECAUSE HE’S FUNNY! Beldin: And HE is still listening. Fine, if your so anxious to tell me what’s going on here, please do. Washu: Okay * presses a few more buttons on the holo-top * Beldin: Okay, I get it, lets go Katy: You were never able to do that before! Washu: I got new software ^_^ Carl (Unconscious): Wheee… Software…. * All stare at Carl * Beldin: What happened to Him? * Kicks Carl * Katy: Me! * The speakers blare out the duet from Monsters Inc. * Katy: NYAH! * Tries to climb up the wall to get to one of the speakers * I’ll kill it! I’ll smash it into tiny little vibrating pieces! Vegeta: Lets just get into the theatre! ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ I am a fan of the Tenchi Muyo series. Beldin: Obviously! Why else would he write fan fiction? I do not own any of the characters. I write only for fun. This is a dark fan fiction. Vegeta: Carl would just love this. Please stop reading if you don't like gory and/or if you're under 18 years old. Tenchi's Insanity Series Libby: I think Tenchi should know Carl’s the insane one around here. Katy: Yeah Carls likely to be jealous if he ever sees this. Vegeta: At least he doesn’t have all those guns anymore. Katy (sounding scared): He had… guns? Libby: Ho-lee Shit Vegeta: I destroyed them. Beldin: This Carl sounds like one fucked up piece o shit Everyone else: YES!!! * Katy stubbs her toe on something * Katy: oww! What the hell? * Rummages under the seat in front of her and comes out holding what looks like a cardbord box on the side of it is scrawled “word-o-change-o-matic™” * Katy: It looks like one of Carls invention Beldin: It looks like a cardbord box Vegeta: Exatctly Chapter 1: Reason For Insanity Katy: It was hereditary, you only have to look at Noboyuki to see that At the Masaki shrine the girls all wanted to visit Tenchi. They were doing this once daily for a few weeks now. Each had a present for Tenchi. Vewgeta: As long as its not fucking Christmas again. Beldin: I thought they lived with him. Katy and Libby: You make a gooood point. Ayeka had a pendent with her picture in it. Libby: I’m sure he’ll LOVE it Sasami had some freshly baked cookies. Katy: I wonder if this thing works * Opens the box and a chicken flys out towards the screen and then comes back into the box, the fic has rewound slightly * Sasami had some freshly baked muffins. Katy: Well it worked but umm… its completely pointless. Libby: Its one of carls inventions, of course its pointless! Washu had an engineered flower for Tenchi. Beldin: call that a flower * a flower appears in his hand * THIS is a flower * Katy and Libby applaud while Vegeta eyes him suspiciously * Ryoko had three rice balls for Tenchi. She had more but ate them. Vegeta: this is getting more stereotypical by the second. Mihoshi had a used action figure that she was tired of playing with. Katy: Now that’s just ridiculous * Beldin just snickers * Kiyone had a special picture. Kiyone also had a small worry. Libby(as Kiyone): Hi Tenchi I brought you a special picture and a small worry I hope you like them. Vegeta: What does it mean by “special” Katy: Don’t even ask! Beldin: Pr0n * Everyone else sweat drops * "I have a question," Kiyone said. "Do you think we're visiting Tenchi too often?" "I don't think I'm visiting too often," Ryoko said. "Ayeka on the other hand is." Ayeka glared at Ryoko. "That's what you think you vile space demon," Ayeka said. "I think Lord Tenchi likes seeing us. After all he lives all the way in Tokyo. Everyone (screaming): Shin Tenchi!!!! And seeing me, err, us will give him great joy." "I think Kiyone has a small point," Washu said. "The last visit as we left, I swore I saw Tenchi's eye start to twitch." "He maybe have something in his eye." Mihoshi said. "I think he's just tense," Sasami said. "Bring this gifts will be something pleasant." Katy: Shouldn’t that be “something present” 'And I hope Tenchi will to something pleasurable to me.' Sasami thought. * everyone screams again * Vegeta: Washu! If you’ve done what I think you’ve done I’ll… I’ll… well I don’t know yet, but it will be very painful! As they moved to the teleporter, Sasami was thinking about how Tenchi can make this little girl to an adult woman. * everyone screams yet again * Vegeta (threateningly, towards Washu): I will KILL you for sending us a Sasami lemon! At the teleporter no one saw Sasami's sly smile. They climbed into the hover pad and floated up and through the teleporter. At the other side, Tenchi was watching the time and T.V. Vegeta (TV announcer): The time is now 5 30 and 16 seconds, The time is now 5 30 and 18 seconds, the… The T.V. was the news but Tenchi didn't really care. Beldin (as Tenchi): Ah, so what someone kicked an old lady into a meat grinder, I don’t care Tenchi was getting sick of the girls' visits. * Katy and Libby make retching noises * Both physically * Katy and Libby pretend to throw up * Beldin: He obviously know what Sasami wants to do to him and mentally. Vegeta (as Carl pretending to be Tenchi): Whee….. Whooo…. Software…. Beldin (as Tenchi): T3nchi n33d Pr0n 2 1iv3!!!!! Time after time they visit. They come and cause him nothing but trouble, Vegeta (as police): Tenchi Masaki, you are under arrest for hijacking radio airwaves Beldin (as Tenchi): But It wasn’t me! It was Ryoko! Honest! harm, Katy (as Nurse, to Tenchi): And just HOW did you get attached to a vacuum cleaner? Libby (as Tenchi): Ask Ayeka! I was asleep! and leave a mess the size of Japan. Libby (badly dubbed): Ah! Is worst than Godzilla! What is called those monster? Katy (ditto): We must flee to there jaw of death! Vegeta (ditto): Someone set us up the bomb! Beldin (ditto): You have no chance to survive, make your time! Tenchi watched the clock in despair. 'Soon they'll come,' Tenchi thought. 'Soon and annoy the hell out of me. Katy (sarcastic): Wow, good sentence! This author is a grammatical genius! Why do they do this? They give me too much love. Vegeta (as Carl): That’s a BAD thing? They'll come and bug the hell out of me until I die.' Libby: Will he really die? Beldin: No its just a 24 hour bug In Tenchi's room the girls exited from the teleporter. They looked around and didn't see Tenchi. They knew he was in the living room. They all exited the bedroom to see Tenchi. They saw Tenchi sitting on a chair watching the news. Ryoko did what she normally does. Katy: Flee in terror? Libby: Flee in horror? Vegeta: Flee in Japan? Beldin: Turn him into a radish? * All sweat drop * Katy: She isn’t a sorceress Beldin… Vegeta (ignoring interruption): Shove his face beween her…. Oh my god, being around Carl has * as Cartman * warped my fragile little mind… She snuck up and hugged Tenchi. Tenchi jumped and he realized it was only Ryoko. "Ryoko don't do that." Tenchi first said. Ryoko kissed Tenchi on the check and let go. "Sorry Tenchi," Ryoko said. "It was so long since we were together." "I thought we visited yesterday." Mihoshi said. Vegeta: Wait, isn’t Mihoshi normally the stupid one? Katy: She’s not stupid, she’s just… Beldin: Clueless? Katy: NO! She’s just cheerful Libby: You must be the most cheerful person in the world then Katy: OOOO Though she be but little she is fierce * Libby advanced on Katy menacingly * Katy: Halt dwarf! "Thank you Mihoshi." Ryoko said sarcastically. "You're welcome." Mihoshi answered. Ryoko almost fell from that answer. Beldin: She didn’t fall, she was pushed! Vegeta: Its called face faulting, you fool! Katy (giggling): …of a Took * Libby moans at the Lord of the Rings reference * Libby: Do you HAVE to? Katy: Yes indeedy! ^_^ She wanted to ring her neck but she wouldn't look good in Tenchi's eyes. However, Tenchi's eye was starting to twitch. "Oh, before we forget," said Sasami. "We bought you presents." Tenchi laughed silently. Normally, they take everything they can get their hands on. This is a rare time that they give something. "What did you get me?" Tenchi asked. Before they could answer, the doorbell rang. Tenchi got up and walked to the door. He knew who it was instantly. "Coming. Sakuya." Tenchi said. * Carls screams of pain from the name Sakuya can be heard from outside the theatre. Everyone sweat drops * He opened the door and just as Tenchi predicted, Sakuya * Carl screams again * Katy: I think were gonna have to censor out that word Washu (from control booth): I’m gonna put earplugs in his ears, ok? Beldin: As opposed to where? Washu: I’m also going to duct tape his mouth shut just in case it doesn’t work. was at the other side. She was in her Saturday clothes. "Hi Tenchi," Sakuya said cheerfully. She looked behind him and saw the others. "I didn't know the others planed to come." Vegeta: No, they didn’t ‘plane‘, they ‘dimensional-tunnelled’ "They come daily." Tenchi mumbled. "Excuse me?" Sakuya said. "Nothing." Tenchi said. His eye started to twitch for a second. Sakuya saw it and forgot it. "Oh I got something for you," Sakuya said. She reached into a pocket and took out a locket. Tenchi was surprised. "Wow. It's. wow." Tenchi said. Libby: Buy all new Wow! Beldin (as little kid in an advert): Wow! It’s Wow! "What is it?" Ayeka asked. "It's a friendship locket," Sakuya said. "It's empty now. But you can put a picture of anything in it." Beldin (as Tenchi): T3nchi pu7 Pr0n in 10ck37! Washu giggled a little. Beldin: At least she appreciates it! "Nice gift," Ayeka said. "Great minds think alike," Ayeka took out her gift. "It's a pendent with my picture in it," Ayeka said. "Now you can have me where ever you go." "Thank you," Tenchi said with false love. 'Thanks for nothing.' "I got something too." Mihoshi said. She took out her action figure. Tenchi looked at the beat up toy and faked a smile. "Great. I used toy." Tenchi said. All: O_o "It used to by my favorite." Mihoshi said. "Figures a pinhead would give something as useless as she is." 'At least I'm the one with the big tits.' Mihoshi thought. Washu walked up and handed Tenchi was flower. Katy and Vegeta: GRAMMAR! "I made a special flower." Washu said. "It looks like a sunflower. Only white." Tenchi said. "It's my special flower. I call it a moonflower." Washu said. Katy: Isn’t their already a moonflower? Tenchi sniffed it. 'The midget gave me an ugly flower.' Tenchi thought. Katy: Bridget how dare you! * Libby growls and Katy giggles * (Author Katy: Sorry, private joke, had to put it in ) "Thank you." Tenchi said. Sasami came next. But Ryoko bumped her out of the way. "I got you three rice balls." Ryoko said. She shortly after burped. "You are a demon and a pig." Ayeka said. Vegeta: I have an idea, pass me the “word-o-change-o-matic™” Katy: Sure * passes Vegeta the cardboard box * Vegeta: Lets see if this works * Opens the box, the chicken flies out and changes the fic * "You are a demon pig." Ayeka said. Vegeta: Its going as I thought * opens the box again * "You are P-chan!" Ayeka said * Everyone doubles over in laughter * Katy (As Ryoko, as Ryoga): Where on Earth am I now?!?! Tenchi smiled at that comment. But want the girls looked Tenchi quickly hid it. "I think my freshly baked cookies Katy: NOT COOKIES, MUFFINS! I LIKE MUFFINS! ^_^ Libby (deadpan): all hail the mighty muffin goddess. are much better then your stale, old, inedible rice balls." Vegeta: Sasami said that? Beldin: he’s taking being out of character to the extreme Ryoko glared at Sasami. "And I thought Ayeka hated Ryoko." Mihoshi said. "I guess the two princesses have more alike then we think." Kiyone said. Katy: I’m scared Libby: I’ve been scared since the title Beldin:It’s the work of a twisted mind alright Tenchi smiled. "Thank you for the cookies," Tenchi said. "And there're chocolate chip. Delicious." Sasami smiled very happily. Kiyone looked a little sad. "I got you something," Kiyone said. "But I don't think it'll be as good or as valuable as the others." "Can't be any worst." Tenchi joked. That was a bad thing to say to women. Vegeta: I don’t see why, would you two be angry? Katy and Libby: Nah Beldin: Pol would, she doesn’t like jokes. Libby: Well most women aren’t like Polgara * Katy nods vigorously * Kiyone pulled out the picture. Tenchi looked at it and smiled. "It's a picture." Tenchi said. "Of what?" Sasami asked. "Is it a picture of you?" Ryoko asked. "Yes and no." Kiyone said. "What do you mean?" Mihoshi asked. "It has all of you. Even Ryo-Ohki." Tenchi said. "I remember taking a group picture like that." Sakuya said. "It was awhile ago." Ayeka said. "About two or three weeks." Washu said. "It's great. I love it." Tenchi said. "Really?" Kiyone said in triumph. Tenchi nodded. He said he liked it to force them to leave. It didn't work. Vegeta: Yeah! Saying oh I love this present works much better than “fuck of you stupid bitches” "Thank you," Kiyone said. "But this isn't about me." "It isn't?" Tenchi said. "It isn't?" the other girls repeated. "No. It's about all of us," Kiyone said. "We love you. A lot. And this picture will always remind you of how much you mean to us." Tenchi took a very small step back. "Oh?" Tenchi said. "That picture will be the proof that all of us will be together for life." Kiyone said. Beldin: There’s something very wrong here but I don’t know what Katy: The author’s trying to be sentimental Libby: And he’s using Kiyone Vegeta: And he isn’t doing a very good job "For life. Perfect." Tenchi said. Tenchi pictured seeing the girls for the rest of his life. It scared him. It scared him a lot. Libby: Yeah having friends for the rest of your life is very scary Katy (as Tenchi): But I don’t want friends I want to sit here and turn into an old man all alone and not in the least bit bitter. "Hey I have an idea," Tenchi said. "Why don't you all have a girls day out? I mean when was the last time any of you had a girls night out?" The girls looked at each other and smiled. "That's a great idea." Sasami said. "But I'll consume the rest of the day." Vegeta (as Ryoko): And I’ll eat tomorrow too! Ryoko protected. Katy: That’s just, it’s not…. Libby (as Samuel L Jackson): English, mother fucker, do you speak it? Beldin: Judging on this I’d say no! Vegeta (as Author): What this English which you protect off? "It'll give you all to get to be better friends," Tenchi said. "Plus I'll have a chance to enjoy the gifts you got for me." The girls looked at each other then all agreed. "Okay Tenchi." Sakuya said. They all started to leave. As the last girl, Sasami left, she looked back and blew a kiss. Tenchi caught the kiss as Sasami left. * Katy blinks * Katy: Ummm…. Beldin: Just leave it be! Libby: But…. It’s our job not to leave it be Beldin: So! Libby: Never mind! Tenchi closed the door and locked it. With the kiss, he threw it to the ground and crushed it with his foot into nothing. Katy: Wasn’t it nothing in the first place? Vegeta: Never question the reason of someone who writes stuff like this Katy: Why? Vegeta: Because they don’t know what reason is! Tenchi was always on the edge of sanity. But this was the final blow. * Katy mouths wordlessly * Beldin: I think this is getting to her. Libby: No really I never would have noticed He fell into the pit of insanity with no way out. Tenchi took the rice balls and threw them into the garbage. He took a match, lit it and burned the rice balls. Katy: But rice doesn’t burn. How…. He threw the cookies in too. He took the pendent and locket putting them on the floor. He found a hammer and pounded the two. He threw the two into the fire. Katy: Metal… burn… no… Libby: Katy It’ll be over soon and then you can go and read … Lord of the Rings, yeah you can read that and It’s very well written and intelligent. Katy (smiling weakly): Yes, good book! The moonflower was plucked of all its petals Vegeta (as Tenchi): I hate them, I hate them… a lot! then everything want into the fire. Finally Tenchi put his sights on the used action figure. Tenchi saw it looked like Mihoshi. But with a higher I.Q. Katy (Growling): That was low! Vegeta: But not entirely untrue "Mihoshi, Mihoshi." Tenchi said before pretending to snap the toy's neck. He then threw it into the fire and pretended it was screaming in pain. Tenchi felt happier by doing that. He felt calmer. Then it hit him. The girls had bugged him daily. Ever since they came to this planet Tenchi's life was a bigger hell daily. Beldin: What is this guy and the word daily Vegeta: And writing in something that doesn’t even vaguely resemble English. There was no peace. No safe port. All: What? But now there was. The answer was all too clear and simple. Since they took everything from him including him sanity, he had to get something back. They will pay. In blood. Beldin: He reminds me of Torak Katy: Now you mention it… Libby: bet he’s deformed too. Vegeta: You do know I have no idea what you are talking about Everyone Else: Yes! Tenchi looked at the pictures of the girls. At first he wanted to throw it into the fire with the other crap the girls give him. But it wasn't necessary. He found a better purpose for it. Tenchi walked to his room with a made up song in his head. "Nine little girls, they thought they would stay. But one by one, they'll all go away. Now is see what I must say. Libby: Now is see what I must say? One of these girls will never see the next day." Beldin: Don’t quit your day job Tenchi Katy: Yeah he sucks at singing Libby: So do you Katy: I’m not as bad as you Libby: That’s fair * katy and Libby giggle * Tenchi: On the episode, I start my plan for sanity.I start with the easily girl of all. She will be the first girl to go. The first girl is. Find out in the next episode: Tenchi's Psychotic Cure. Vegeta: Please say we don’t have to. This is the first chapter. The count is 1 of 11. Tenchi has lost it. The next fictions will be lemons and dark fictions. I'll tell who's the first victim is but the surprise is something you'll hopefully like. Vegeta: I doubt it Everyone returns to the kitchen where Carl lies still knocked out his mouth is duct taped shut. Katy giggles and kicks him. Katy: I like him better like this Libby: yeah me too. Vegeta: He’s definitely less irritating as a rug than he is as a person All four people start laughing and there we will leave them, until next time we visit the HMS Echo. Authors notes Katy: God had to drag myself through this one, I have a new email so if you wanna flame, congratulate or just chat with me its divine_aphrael@hotmail.com we also have a new website http://www.geocities.com/carl_n_katy Well that about wraps it up see you soon.