"Author's note:The talking of the characters will be with the<> signs are the MST characters. ** signs are the translation of random screaming and crying. Thank you, please enjoy. In the very distant future where demons run amok, There was a man, Tenchi Masaki, who was a real shmuck. Forced to read fics by doctor clay, Who has a stupid beard that's really gay, If Tenchi read anymore fics he would drop dead, So he got a few replacements to read the fics instead. I'll send them crappy fanfics, The worst I can find "la la la" They'll have to sit and watch them all to torture their puny minds. "la la la" Keep in mind they can't control when the fics will be sent They'll try to keep their sanity with the help of, um, them. . . . Replacement roll call!! Majora's Wrath:**I'VE LOST MY MOJO!** Starscream:Vengence is mine, Megatron! Luke:WAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! If you are wondering how they eat or breathe, or other science facts, Repeat to yourself it's just a fic and you really should relax, For Tenchi-Muyo theater 4000 TTTTTTTTTTWWWWWWWWWWAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGG (Inside Starship Ryo-Ohki) Washu, I'm so sick of reading these stupid fanfictions! Can't you do something about this? Funny you should mention that. I actually did manage to do something for the time being at least. Observe. ::Washu flicks a switch, and a portal opens. After a strange thudding noise and a strange shake that was more thought then felt, a portal opens in the middle of the room. Out of it come three strange figures.:: Tenchi, meet. . . our replacements *wink*. Ben! Where did you go! Waah! Where am I? Waah! **Hey! Where's that little elfudge I was fighting! I was going to whup some elf ass** I was about to beat Megatron, too. Excellent! My experiment is a total success! I AM SUCH A GENI- ::Starscream starts zapping everything:: Oh, crap. . . ::slaps a restraining bolt onto Starscream:: Rats. ::Ryoko walks in:: Hey, Starscream! Long time no see! Oh, um. . . hi. (face faults)Homina homina homina. . . Hey, I get around, what can I say? ::all face fault:: ::Clay appears on the screen:: So you've gotten around my little game. Very well, Washu, you win this round. But in the meantime, we'll see how your captives like the latest offering, Green Hair Goddess, if you can figure this out it's more than I could do. So anyway, later and don't think this is over yet. ::Clay disappears:: So, Starscream, how's that stupid civil war of yours going? Um, er . . . ::runs into theatre:: Some people never change (laughs) Um, I guess not. ::Goes into theatre:: ::Majora's Wrath shrugs and goes into the theatre:: ::Sasami runs in:: We have fanfic sign! It's covered. Oh. Who? Oh, just some dudes. ::Starscream, Majora's Wrath, and Luke sit down inside the theatre:: This is a fic about Tenchi and Kiyone having two bad days. Kiyone is demoted and Tenchi is shamlessly pursued by Ryoko. What happens when Tenchi is drunk, naked, and alone with Ryoko in a bath house? Now I have a boner for my sister! Waah! The fic gave me a boner for my *SISTER*!!! Waaahhh!! **Probably only for the twentieth fucking time. Big deal.** Who cares about these pathetic flesh creatures and their disgusting mating behavior? What fool could find this remotely interesting? What fiend could subject me, leader of all Decepticons, to this insult! ::Starscream smashes the empty seat next to him in fury:: Waah, you're not the leader, Leader-1 is. Waah! You are a liar! Waah! Leader-1? That's Go-Bots you cyclopian mechrat!!! You die now!!!!! ::Starscream levels his guns at Luke and fires. Luke whips out his lightsaber and deflects the beams. Starscream ducks:: Waah don't fire at me! Waah! You dare defy Starscream! I will have my revenge, parasite! **I can relate, dude!!! I was gonna rip his little elf head off and play handball with his eyes!! Why the hell am I here?????** What in the matrix are you talking about? Waah that movie was cooler than mine!! SHUT UP YOU LITTLE JERK! Read and find out! Green Hair Goddess Author: narcolepsy Waah! I don't know what that word means! Waah! It means to shut up. **Yeah** You guys are mean! Waah! I'm gonna tell my dad on you! I play golf with your dad, and he would probably just tell you to stop being such a whiny little butt-sniffing bitch. NOOOOOO!!!THAT'S NOT TRUE!!! Green Hair Goddess A Tenchi Fic savagedragon14@hotmail.com The floor was littered with emoty asprin bottles, EMOTY!!! WAHH! It's a meaningless error, you don't understand. It's a primitive human mistake. **In other words, it's a fuck up.** Exact. each with the lids off. The medicine cabinet was empty, shouting for a stop by the drugstore. Poor Kiyone had had one of the roughest months in her life. Mihoshi has blown the power grid on the patrol ship because he **I didn't know Mihoshi felt that way about the power grid.** HEY! The power grid is my beyotch! **There, there. I can hook you up with the guy from the staples ad. You know? The scanner-o sexual.** AHHHH! I'd rather go out with Johnny 5. plugged in a TV, a VCR, a PS2, and a christmas tree into one socket. Mihoshi's only reason was she needed a TV to watch Space Police Policemen, a VCR to record it, a PS2 to play SSX and watch Gladiator...for the millonth time. What was the christmas tree for? To shove up your candy ass. When Kiyone finally got the ship's power back on, they received and urgent message. Kensuke Gywama, the fourth most wanted criminal in the universe, had robbed the Jurai Federal Bank. When the two intergalatic cops arrived, Mihoshi sent them into warp drive. Too bad they were only 15 feet from the surface! That isn't too bad. Once they were able to explain they weren't criminal bent on destroying Jurai **Oh come on. Who isn't bent on destroying Jurai?** and fixed their ship, the received word that Galaxy Police had re-assigned them. Kiyone was excited, she had finally been promoted! She sped to GP headqaurters to receive there new job. "Mall Security?!" For Kiyone that probably is a promotion, since her prior job was "teenage fag security" "Yes, we need to Food Cort mall security people at Mall of the Universe on Asteroid #182764." **Those darn space invasion aliens have been executing their merciless 'line up and shoot and slowly get closer and closer' attacks again.** It took Mihoshi four hours to revive her partner, who jumped Mihoshi as soon as she woke up. I always thought those two had something going on. I didn't know gaydar was a jedi power. Obi wan has taught me well. Tenchi was also having a very bad day. He woke up early one morning, only to find Ryoko staring him in the face. "Tenchi!" Before he could protest, he was glomped. Her eyes were red from **Shoving pencils up her ass.** staying up all night, and she had a wicked grin on her face. "Happy Birthday!" "Gee..thanks Ryoko. But, do me a favor." he said, straining for breath in her iron like grip. He new he would lose feeling soon if he didn't do something. "Anything for my Tenchi on his birthday." said Ryoko, hoping Tenchi noticed she was the first one to tell him Happy Birthday. She stayed up all night, fending off Ayeka. She even had to result to tying her up in her sleep and sticking the bewilderd princess in a cave. She snickered at remebering Ayeka's cries of "Ryoko you pig! I will get you for this!!!!" Somehow...maybe... "GET OUT OF MY ROOM!" Tenchi yelled, begining to pass out. Ryoko let go and looked very shocked. Her eyes grew wide as she began to tear up. "But, Tenchi-chan...I only wanted to make you happy on your birthday." She began to cry and sob. Tenchi felt awful, and decided a quick hug would do the trick. "I'm sorry, Ryoko. I just was shocked at your ...eh....winderful suprise." Liar liar pants on fire. He tried to lean back away from her, but she only followed. Tenchi began to cringe at what she might be thinking, but then realized what she was doing. A loud, inhuman snore erupted from her mouth, as she fell asleep. Tenchi layed her down in his bed and grabbed his stuff. He walked outside his room and down the stairs. "Hey Sasami." he said, waving to the young girl. "Oh, Tenchi! Happy Birthday!" she said, slicing some bread for breakfast. "Breakfast will be ready in a couple of minutes. Have you seen Ayeka?" She went to the Toshi Station to pick up some power converters. Tenchi shook his head and walked out the door, heading to the bath house. He unwrapped his towel and climbed in the water. He sighed as he closed his eyes, feeling pretty good. So far no catastrophes had occured. He leaned back in the water, when he heard a weird sound coming from outside. A shrill, nasily voice rang from the mountains. He shrugged it off, dismissing it as the wind. "Hello?" cried Ayeka, sitting in her cave, all alone. "Ryoko, you fiend! I will get you for this!" **With my evil hockey stick.** What? You know, that thing she has. No. "Excuse me, ma'am." Kiyone looked at the strange looking alien. This makes too much sense. I'm too dumb for this fic. What's there not to understand? It's all the same. Primitive humans. "Which way to Suncoast?" ask the small woman. She had her two eyes glued on Kiyone, while the other 15 looked around the mall. Kiyone sighed. She had the greatest hopes for herself. In the academy she was first in her class. Everyone envied her, hating her for her ability and looks. She was good looking, a nice young woman with features and curves all in the right places. Why shouldn't they eat their hearts out over her? Then, her reason for not being a Luietenant spoke up. (Sing song)I outrank Kiyone. I outrank Kiyone. I'm outta here ::Leaves.:: **Same** ::Leaves.:: WAAHHHHH!!!DON'T LEAVE ME ALONE!!! ::Leaves.:: ::The three leave the theatre and confront the others:: I am not going back into that theatre. Forget about it. What are you gonna do? ::Starscream pulls out a blaster.:: Catch my drift? ::Ryoko pulls the gun out of Starscream's grip, and throws it on the floor, smashing it into pieces.:: What's your next plan? C'mon give up. I have an idea! ::Pulls out his lightsaber.:: Umm...Ayeka, how did he get one of those? ::Ayeka just shrugs.:: ::Tenchi pulls out his own lightsaber.:: WAHHH!!! You ripped off my movie!!! I didn't understand that movie. I've seen his movie. Aim for the right hand. WAHHH!!! No fair cheating!!! ::The lightsabers clash:: I see your schwartz is as big as mine. You can strike me down, but I'll become more powerful than you can possibly imagine. And have to read the rest of the fic. Oh yeah. WAAAHHHHH!!! ::Luke strikes, only to be blocked.:: Luke...I am........umm......Some teenage Japanese person. NNOOOOOO!!!!!THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE!!!! Give into your anger. We can rule the galaxy together as some guy, and some other guy. I'LL NEVER JOIN YOU!!! Is that so?::Slashes.:: ::Blocks.::You aren't supposed to fight back. WAAHHHHH! It is your destiny. NOOOOOO!!! Actually, can we not do this? Okay. How about paper rock scissors? Okay, cool. ::They put their lightsabers away.:: Paper rock scissors, SHOOT! Damn. Two out of Three? No! Get your candy ass the hell back in the theatre! ::Punches Luke::**Good work. Ass muncher.** ::Kicks Luke::Dumbass, wimp of the galaxy. Wahhh! Stop it!!! ::Luke, Starscream, and Majora'sWrath enter the theatre.:: "By Dillards!" rang Mihoshi in a sing song voice. The alien woman nodded and her youngster sang out "Great! Let's buy some Gundam!" The mom looked at her son with a scolding look. "You can't watch those 'serious' anime. How about.." The boy cut her off. "Space Police Policemen?! My favorite!" Mihoshi lit up. "Mine too! Let's go!" Kiyone let out a moan, hoping for some coup de grace. "Come in! We have a shoplifter at Foleys!" rang out the voice from her communicator. Kiyone's heart leapt. If she did a good job, the promotion might be hers! "Mihoshi let's go!....Mihoshi?" She looked over to her ditzy partner, only to see her partner aking a beeline to Suncoast. "Ugh! Mihoshi! Fine...I'll do it on my own!" she yelled as the go-get-em cop raced of to Foleys. Tenchi's gaze fell upon a bottle of Saki, left there by Ryoko. She always had a "nip" in her bath. Tenchi thought about maybe tasting the drink. "I better not. Besides, I don't like alchohol." **Being a minor and all. Yeah.** he said to out loud, talking himself out of drinking the brew. His debate with himself ended when a loud explosion rang out from the house. The windows shattered, clattering to the ground. Smoke poured from the opening in the house, and the residence scrambled out of the building. Father was wearing a cap and gown pajama set. Katshuhito was already dressed and had been reading a newspaper, which was nestled safely under his arm. Sasami held a frying pan with smoking food on it. (As food)I like camel. Camel is the shit. "No! Breakfast is ruined!" she cried. Ryo-Okie walked out of the house, looking dazed and confused. The poor cabbits' fur was smoldering a bit and her left ear was slightly on fire. Sasami went to stamp it out, and kicked the poor cabbit in the head. Ryoko teleported out and said something Tenchi didn't quite understand. Unfortunatly for him, it had been "I'm all a mess! I'm going to the bath. By the way, where's Tenchi?" (singing)**Sasami's in the Kitchen, Ryoko's in the hall, Tenchi's in the bathroom, peeing on the wall** When did you learn that? **When I was just a young little mask.** Lastly, out stumbled Lil' Washu. Her hair and face was black, covered with soot and smelling like burnt toast. "Well...except for the explosion, my expiriment with combining four strands of DNA with light was a success!" The entire group face faulted. Tenchi quickly grabbed the bottle and drank half of it. He sighed, feeling better. Too bad he didn't see Ryoko walk in. He was too content. "Hold it right there!" yelled Kiyone as she fired off a few blaster rounds at the criminal. Even under Imperial law, You don't fire at someone for robbing a store if they aren't threatening anybody. Sheesh. He stood on the escalator, trying to run up the down side. She shot the drive train and the belt came off, aking the robber slide all the way to the bottom. "Got 'em!" Kiyone's mind played what would happen next... As she returns to HQ, there is a parade for her. Mihoshi is thrown in jail for 1,057 counts of hindering a police arrest and sentenced to 68 life sentenes. Kiyone is then promoted to Cheif Detective and she is given her own fleet of men. Then she gets to ... **Screw Mihoshi. A lot.** "Can we get this?!" came the whiny voice of her partner. Her eyes shimmered as she held a Space Police Policemen DVD and a few dolls of men in tights with Police written on them. "Not now!" scolded Kiyone as she looked at Mihoshi. "I want them! Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease?!?!?!?!?!" she cried. Kiyone turned to her. "Officer Mihoshi...Shut up! I'm busy arresting this man." Kiyone pointed in the man's direction. "What man?" That one.::Points at a picture of Pee-wee Herman that had "Retard" written on it in bright red letters.:: Kiyone looked back at the ruined escalator. There was some scattered ruin, and a bunch of bolts along with a smoldering pile of escalator. But the man was long gone. "No!" yelled Kiyone as she raced to the parking lot. She jumped out the door, taking advantage of the asteroid's loose gravity. Kiyone sped for her police cruiser, only to watch the crook speed away in it. The green haired police woman sank to her knees as Mihoshi ran up beside her. "I'm sorry.." What were they robbing, exactly? Foley's, stupid. Whatever that is. Oh. "Die!" cried Kiyone as she lunged at Mihoshi, knocking the ditzy blonde to the ground. A mean left hook sent Mihoshi sprawling into a car. Out of nowhere appeared a fleet of ships. The spotlight shone down on Kiyone and Mihoshi. "Stop right there!" came the voice from the loudspeaker. "You two are under arrest!" Kiyone slumped down. Mihoshi finally got her arrested. "Put them in the cell together." "Noooo!" screamed Kiyone, passing out cold. **What are they being arrested for?** Well, Kione's being arrested for assault, and Mihoshi is being arrested for, um. . . being punched I guess. Tenchi began to think about relationships. He had six bombshells living with him. Sasami was cute, but a little too young for him. he enjoyed her cooking, but the thought of dating her was too odd. Besides, she was like a younger sister. Ayeka was a knock out. She had a perfect body, with more curves then a hula hoop. Yet, she was too...proper. He didn't want a wife who was all foo-foo. Ryoko was a fighter. She also had a great body, but the tail was weird. That's actually part of her dress. She doesn't have a tail. **How do you know so much about this show anyway?** I've been stealing cable for years now. I ordered one of those black boxes from the back of popular science and stuck it into my head. **Oh. Cool.** She was fun too be around....but only for about ten minutes. Washu was way too smart for him. Mihoshi was the opposite. Her tan skin was a great turn on, and her hair drove him wild. Still, her ditzyness always kept him on edge. Evrytime he was around her, he worried about her screwing up to the point of a migrane. "Poor Kiyone.." he thought. Kiyone. Now she was perfect. Her green hair was seductive and perfect. Her body had a perfect shape. She was fit, ambitious, and tolerant. Heck, anyone who can spend a career with Mihoshi is tolerant. "Maybe I'll ask...Naw. that's the Saki talking. But still..." Out of nowhere, a very happy, and very naked, Ryoko leaped high into the air. She glomped him and kissed him hard on the lips. A spray of blood shot from Tenchi's nose as she pressed her body against his. And he passed cold out. Some guys get all the luck... **I'm sick of your bitching. Go and screw Jabba and your sister and a probe droid at the same time.** That would be slimy, painful and . . . . hmmmmmmmm. . . . The space ride was a long one. Mihoshi lay on a stretcher, bleeding all over. Kiyone had enjoyed smacking the crap out of her partner. "That was great! Who knew that Kione was into BDSM? **Yeah, go figure** Bet Tenchi never...." she thought, letting her mind go to Tenchi. She had always had a secret crush on him, but never had the guts to say so. So she immersed herself in her work. Breaking her back just to stay away from him was all she did. She feared telling him of her secret love and desire to just be near him. "Oh, my dear Tenchi.." she said softly. She had these dreams about him. Nothing hentai, but enough to make her tingle. In one, he walked into her room and sat beside her. They just....sat. In another, they shared a blanket and watched a movie. Tenchi would say "Want some more popcorn?" Then Kiyone would nod. They would both reach in at the same time, touching each others hand. Then Tenchi would take her hand, looking softly into her eyes. Kiyone's cheeks were burning, and her heart raced. Tenchi lightly leaned forward for a kiss, and so did she. And everytime, they would get a hair's length away when Mihoshi walked in a spills a drink on Tenchi. "You guys were gonna kiss!" she yells out. And the dream always ends with Tenchi blushing and running out of the room. And the author has never experienced this, so they find this interesting. Tenchi looked up. He was laying on the ground and not wearing anything. Ryoko stood above him, also lacking apparel. She layed down on top of him, cooing slightly as she felt him against her. Tenchi tried to yell at her, but was too drunk to form words. The bottle of Saki was empty. Ryoko had poured it into his mouth and gotten him drunk. She began to his him and rub his chest. he thought, feeling panic. I know! I'll sit here! Yup, that'll stop her. The door suddenly swang open. In walked the residence of the Masaki house. The house walked into itself? All of them stared with mouths open. Sasami hid hey eyes and ran out of the room. Washu laughed and Nobuyuki yelled "Way to go, son!" and walked away. The door slammed shut, and they were alone again. **That really made a differance.** Ryoko suddenly stopped and stood up. She grabbed a towel and blushed deeeply. "Not like this." she said. Tears poured from her eyes and she ran out of the bath. And suddenly, Ryoko is shy, and sensitive. The way I knew Ryoko, she would take any chance to screw anyone. ::Shaking head.:: Ryoko, Ryoko, Ryoko. Tenchi sat up and shook his head. "Mah Hwead.." he slurred, the scent of Saki on his breath. "Heeeeeellllllllllpppp!!!!!!!" came a voice from the caves. Too bad nobody heard it. I think we are all dumber after reading this. **What am I doing? I should be killing that sissy elf kid, and ripping out his intestines to choke him with.** Yeah, and I should be plotting a plan to overthrow Megatron. Which won't work. And I should be back at the Battle of Yavin...-UH OH! Hehheheh, sayonara, rebel alliance. WAHHHHH! ::A T-65 X-Wing Starfighter comes crashing through the theatre.::There's my ride. Thanks, R2. Out. ::Luke gets in and takes off.:: ::Majora's Wrath punches hard into a chair. A portal appears.:: I'm gone. See ya. ::Dissapears.:: Great. I'm alone. ::Ryoko walks in.:: Hey...Starscream. Uh oh. Original fic by narcolepsy MSTing by Hellknight No flames. This was meant in good fun. Stinger clip: Tenchi sat up and shook his head. "Mah Hwead.." he slurred, the scent of Saki on his breath. ******* Green haired goddess part II-MSTed Credit narcolepsy for the original fic. What happens when the gang get sick of MSTing? "Author's note:Since we are MSTing a Tenchi fic and the Tenchi cast are MSTing The<> sign are the MST characters. In the very distant future where demons run amok, There was a man, Tenchi Masaki, who was a real shmuck. Forced to read fics by doctor clay, Who has a stupid beard that's really gay, So he threw his curlers in a purse, and persued him in a Rocket across the universe. I'll send him crappy fanfics, The worst I can find "la la la" He'll have to sit and read them all to torture his puny mind "la la la" Keep in mind he can't control when the fics will be sent He'll try to keep his sanity with the help of his horny friends Stalker roll call!! Ryoko:Three Rivers Park! NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! Ayeka:Would you do it for a Tenchi snack? Washu:Oh no I have crabs! Sasami:If anyone needs me I'll be in my room. Kione:Why is my spaceship a penis? Ryo-ohki:MEOWWWWWWWWWWWWWW If you are wondering how they eat or breathe, or other science facts, Repeat to yourself it's just a fic and you really should relax, For Tenchi-Muyo theater 4000 TTTTTTTTTTWWWWWWWWWWAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGG (Inside spaceship Ryo-Ohki (AKA Satellite of Carrots)) (singing). . . or would you rather be a pig? I knew I shouldn't have gotten you that showtunes cd. Yes and that was only your first mistake. . . What do you mean? There's a whole catalog in the cd case. . . Memo to self: destroy all musical theatre as it presents itself. Heeheehee never ::Suddenly Ryoko walks in:: Wha? I split myself again. Just for fun. Oh. Hey, wait, I thought you said you wouldn't do that? I did, but what are you going to do about it? It's two against one, after all. Umm, I-I don't like where this is heading. . . What's the matter Tenchi, can't handle this much beauty? I can't blame him. I know, isn't it terrible? ::Ryoko1 looks up to notice Tenchi has slipped out of the room:: Lunkhead! I let him get away! I can't believe he got away from both of me! Hey, it was as much my fault as it was my fault. . . er.. . . Never mind, let's. . . er, I'll find him! Okay ::Right before they, I mean she leaves, Washu, and Kione walk in, along with Tenchi clinging to Washu's arm.:: ::Pointing at Ryoko:: She scared me. Bad Ryoko. Sorry, mom. It's okay. But try to play fair with Tenchi. Deal? Aw……fine. ::Ryoko2 walks out and Ayeka walks in an instant later.:: Tenchi, follow me. I know a hiding place FAR from Ryoko. Okay. ::Tenchi, and Ayeka leave the room:: So this is it? The closet? Yep::Voice slowly altering:: Miss Ayeka, what's the matter? ::Voice altering even more:: I just have a cold Oh. ::Just then, Ayeka dissolved, and where she was, now sat Ryoko2:: Tricked ya!!!! NOOOO!!!!!! ::Meanwhile, back in the other room:: ::Ayeka walks in:: This is weird. Ayeka you were just here! I was? Yep. ::Ryoko1 falls down:: Ohhh……Tenchi What the fuck is going on? Well, Ryoko split herself so that there are two of her. The other you that came in here earlier must have been Ryoko2 in disguise to seduce Tenchi. You see, since they are the same person, they feel the same feelings at the same time. And that means…….? THAT RYOKO FUCKED TENCHI!!!! *Gasp* Ooooh, yes. THIS MUST BE STOPPED! ::Ayeka marches out of the room:: Uh oh. ::Loud whacks, punches, and explosions are heard as Tenchi enters the room:: What happened Tenchi? Well, Ayeka came in, pulled her off me, they started a fight, and here I am. Oh. ::Loud noises are heard and bright lights flash:: We're being called by Doctor Clay. ::A screen appears with Clay on it:: Well well well. If it isn't my favorite bunch of people. Shut up and get to the point. Okay. Part 2. Bye-bye. Mwahahahaha. ::The screen disappears: ::Ayeka, stained with ashes, and Ryoko2, all cut up, enter the room:: Damn ::Loud noises are heard and bright lights flash:: We have fanfiction sign! ::During the chaos, Ayeka, Tenchi, and Ryoko2 enter the theatre:: Green Hair Goddess p.2 Narcolepsy savagedragon14@hotmail.com This was unbearable. Yeah, just like this fic. Kiyone sat, listening to the dripping of a broken faucet as it slowly ticked away the seconds. Mihoshi sat on the other end of the cell, using her socks as puppets. Her absurd play ABSURD?!? I do that when I'm bored. That just adds to it's absurdness. Well, did you ever see Sifil & Ollie? - ::Ayeka begins to speak, but Ryoko stopped her.:: Didn't think so. It was on Mtv. They got rid of it for more Road rules, or dumb shit like that. Hmph. I like Road Rules. Exactly. Where is this going? had been going on three hours now, and Kiyone had developed a slight twitch. Her mind reeled with the scenes that had taken place. As she sat on the cold, metal bed, listening to the dripping noise, she thought of Kaysuke. Kaysuke was young, red haired officer with a happy-go-lucky attitude and knack for ticking Kiyone off. 500 yen says that this "Kaysuke" person is a self insertion. I'm not taking that! In 1,000,000 years. I'll be waiting, then. Earlier, as Kaysuke brought the two their afternoon meal of porridge-gruel and water, she couldn't help but find a way to make Kiyone squirm. "So, you guys got busted for distrubing the peace and shoplifting. Wait one second. Kiyone was arrested for assault, and Mihoshi was arrested for being assaulted. WHAT THE HELL!?! What was it?" asked Kaysuke, her green eyes boring into Kiyone. Kaysuke was the epitome of cuteness, and every guy either found her attractive, or sickingly sweet. This is too lame. Kaysuke is obviously a self insertion of Narcolepsy. She talked in a high voice and with a sweet country accent. She even reffered to herself as a "sweet little Georgia peach." Kiyone hated her for that, primarily because she wasn't even from Earth. Her planet was just like earth, except that these people could shoot beams of light with their eyes. Kaysuke's grandfather was the captain, so she was about eight years younger than Kiyone and four ranks higher. And since she is a self insertion, she is hot, and can kick ANYBODY'S ass. How original. As Kiyone thought of that she let out a low, inaudible growl at Mihoshi. "Blast her," she thought, "if it wasn't for her, I would be leading this place!" "Mihoshi accidentally left with a stupid anime tape and got us busted for it." Kiyone retorted, accenting Mihoshi's name so Kaysuke would know she had no part in the fiasco. Since when? That wasn't in the first part, of this... this... Well, it's not a fic. Call it a "Sub fic." Okay. "Really?" questioned kaysuke with a sadistic look in her eyes. "I was told you did it! And I ACCIDENTALLY told everyone else that. Even Grandpa thinks so." The green haired woman who had put up with staying behind for her entire career. What about her?What is with Epilepsy's intrest with Kiyone's TURQOIS hair? Nobody will ever know. Epilepsy? Narcolepsy's new name. The woman who had been imprisoned for her partner's adle-brained actions, was now being talked down to by Kaysuke. "Boy is my face red!" continued the red haired sadist, watching Kiyone squirm. "ARGH! You little twit! When I get out of here, I'm throwing you into space, you hear me!" vented Kiyone, spit flying from her mouth, raining down upon the girl. (Kiyone)Thufferin' Thuckatass. The eyes on Kiyone flared wide, screaming their hatred and pain for both girls. her nerves and veins bulged from her neck, like the ones on Ryoko do when she gripes at Ayeka. Kaysuke quietly held up a small recorder and said "That's so mean!" and begin to sob fake cries into the machine. With a sly grin and happy tone, Kaysuke informed Kiyone "Grandpa will hear this, and you'll be gone!" (Sing song)Kaysuke's a Tattle Tale. Kaysuke's a Tattle Tale. Yeah. She can't take problems into her own hands. It's Vinny and Rocko's bank of dah fomilay. Kiyone sighed, knowing a discharge was the best she could possibly hope for. She began to formulate a plan in her head. "How to get rid of....." she thought, glancing over to Mihoshi who was having a great time. "Help me, Space Police Policemen! The evil Bazooka man is attacking me!" she cried, holding up one sock puppet and manuevering it's 'lips'. "I'll save you!" said the other sock. For the first time in her life, the most unlucky woman in the world, had spite for a sock! She readied to pounce and rip the sock up, when she glanced at her wrist. She delicatly pushed the glove on her hand up and looked at the hidden jewlery. A simple, inexpensive, gold plated bracelet adorned her wrist, shimmering in the light. It was even more radiant when she saw the steal room in contrast with the bracelet. She sighed, and her thoughts played back to when she got it from....him. Him who? Not me. I swear. Knowing Kiyone, probably Tickle Me Elmo. Her heart fluttered and she shivered with the thoughts and surge of emotion. Tenchi had given it to her, ::Ryoko cleared her throat, and lightly slapped Tenchi in the face.:: Not only are you a liar, you also...gave, um...that! Ryoko! Calm down! you know I don't love Kiyone the way I love Katsuhito. ::Ryoko and Ayeka stand with their mouths open, obviously speechless.:: Gets them every time. hehe. on the sadest day of her life. Mihoshi stood beside her, all dressed up in her Galaxy Police uniform. The entire group stood around them, saying their goodbyes and wishing the two good luck. Kiyone didn't want to go, in fact she planned on sabotoging the ship. She wanted to stay, oh how she longed to be near Tenchi! But, she knew that her leaving was the best thing. No more pain everytime he was gone. No more feeling of a crushed soul when Ryoko glomped hima dn he smiled back, even if he was just humoring her for a moment. Tears began to well up in her eyes. Tenchi walks up toher while the others went with Mihoshi for a tour of the ship. They were alone, the last thing Kiyone wanted. "I..uh..*ahem* got you something, as a souvenier." stammered Tenchi, trying to stay plutonic. That's platonic Yeah, being plutonic would mean you were Mickey Mouse's dog or something. Maybe that's what they meant. (Plutonic Kiyone) Arf! Arf! (Translation: That stupid chipmunk gets away every fucking time) That pretty much is every Disney cartoon summarized, right there. ::They exit the theatre:: Hey, Ryoko, come over here for a sec. ::Ryoko2 follows Washu outside and they come back a few moments later. Well I successfully got Ryoko2 to go back and join her other half, and now we're all happy. We are? I'm not. She was like a sister- ..er.. me to me. ::Washu walks over to Ryoko:: ::Pats Ryoko on the back twice::There there, Ryoko. How did you do that? Simple, two words. Super glue. That's really messed up. Well it worked, right? Yeah, I guess. ::Loud noises are heard and bright lights flash:: Well, we gotta go back. See ya. ::Tenchi, Ayeka, and Ryoko re-enter the theatre:: He gently placed in on her, and her heart began pounding. Like a drum it beat harder and harder, making her think he could hear it. Heck, Ayeka and Ryoko and all the others could probably hear it. Hey, whose heart is making so much noise? Yeah, that is so rude. "Oh no! They can't!" she thought, starting to panic. "They'll laugh! Oh, how they will point and laugh at unattractive Kiyone making a fuss over some guy she hardly even knows!" Ok, who switched Kiyone's brain with Winnie the Pooh's? Winnie the Pooh has a brain? No, he just is the imaginary friend of a thin, androgynous, prissily-dressed English boy. She tried to say "Thanks,but I can't accept it." when the poor girl realized she had been holding her breath. She let it out, hoping he wouldn't notice her torrent of emotion. (Tenchi)I wonder when I can get back to sweeping leaves. I like sweeping leaves. Every moment I spend not sweeping leaves makes me feel like I'm going to die. I hope Kiyone doesn't notice what a damn leafsweeposexual I am. Grrrrr. . . Hey, just kidding. "Are my eyes giving me away?! I can't look at him!" she thought, and glanced down quickly. Five minutes have now passed and Tenchi is still standing there like an idiot. Actually it's more like Kiyone is standing there and then Lenny comes in to get a beer. (Lenny)Kiyone, you're still here? Gosh, you really are slow. (Kiyone)Something said! So many emotions! (Lenny)Get out of here! Um, yeah. She stared blankly out, looking at what she thought was the direction of the ground. Tenchi tapped her on the shoulder after a minute had gone by, and she suddenly realized where she was looking! "Oh no! I've been staring at his crotch!" she yelled mentally. Wow, I didn't realize that Kiyone was mentally retarded. Yes, it's so sad, really. She looked up, hoping he hadn't noticed, or cared. Her horrors where met by the big red blush on his cheeks. Wanna go upstairs and stare at my crotch some more? (Kiyone)Do I!?! She blushed to, and her cheeks burned like a wildifre. She covered her face to hide the tears and ran for the ship. Kiyone: Portrait of a Complete Wuss. Mmm, now to get to the leaves. I'm coming my pretty ones. . . Don't tell me you really care that much about those stupid leaves? Um, er. . . No wonder you took that part of your training so seriously. . . The group was coming out, and she bowled them all over. She even sent little Washu flying smack dab into Nuboyuki, his face nestled between her breasts. She backed off quickly, only to see him smiling,...almost drooling. (Noboyuki)Hahahah I am a zillion-year-old-little-girlosexual. Um, ok. They all directed their glances to Kiyone. "What's wrong, Kiyone?" asked Sasami sweetly. Kiyone looked at all of them, her eyes wide. She had tears streaming down her face and a bright red blush on. They stared at her, and her eyes darted back and forth like a caged animal. (Kiyone)I can't hide it any more. I'm in love with my boss at D-Burger! Huh? Just kidding. She finally grabbed Mihoshi and fled into the ship. "Kiyone?!" cried Mihoshi as kiyone dragged her away from their home. A few buttons later and she was gone, away from that blasted boy with the awesome smile that melted her everytime she saw him. Leaving Tenchi for me. Actually, for me! Grrrrrr. .. . the leaves are my one true and only love! Tenchi sat on his bed, wondering what happened back there. He wondered what she was doing, and better yet, why would she stop? It was Ryoko for pete's sake. Still, he wondered why she would do that. Huh? ::Ryoko shrugs her shoulders:: A sligh knock came from the door and in walked Ryoko. Tenchi blushed and stood up quickly. He wanted to scold her, but that would be to mean right now. the icy pain she had in her eyes when she stood up, it burned into him. He did't want to hurt her that way. "Ten-chan!" she cried, hugging him tightly. "I am so sorry! I almost...tainted you!" she yelled, sobbing and sniffling all over his shoulder. Um, what? She almost made you watch Dragonball Z. Mmmm… King Kai. What the hell?!? Oh.. . . nothing. He was quite taken, and wondered what was going on. He patted her n the back, but then it him. "What are you doing? For the love of... She tried to...you know...with you!" he said, scolding himself mentally. he leaned back and stared her in the eyes. "Ryoko, what would drive you to do something like that?" he asked, looking her in the eyes, but she kept averting his glare. "I don't know! I was just, I dunno...." she said, looking genuinly sorry. Tenchi held her again and said "I forgive you. Just....don't do it again." Ryoko nodded,. eyes red from tears. "Happy B-birthday, Ten-chan." When is something in this going to happen that doesn't involve people trying to talk about something that will never happen? I dunno. It was now noon and Ayeka's stomach roared in the cave. (Ayeka's stomach)Roar!! Roar!! I want a D-Burger!! She had been their, tied to a chair, for almost eight hours. "Ryoko! This isn't funny anymore!" Her eyes were red from sleep deprivation and her constant crying. She kept yelling for help, and her throat was begining to throb. Ryoko's words stung her mind. "Today, I will make love to Tenchi-chan, and you cannot do anyting about it!" Ayeka shook the visual thoughts from her mind. "No way I can let that happen! Azaka, Kamidake!...Azaka? Kamidake?" Pac-man? Anybody? The two Jurai protectors sat back at the house, watching an interesting movie Ryoko had given them to keep the two busy. it was a movie that would play over and over, with different languages each time. The two logs thought they were hard words they had to learn. So they kept watching a movie called "Ben Hur", which is 3 hours and three minutes long. Be the time they watched it in every language, it would be next week! "Look," began the captain. "After hearing the tape and hearing of your actions, officer kiyone, you are discharged and sentenced to House Arrest on planet Earth. Mihoshi, since kiyone admitted to the crime, you are exonerated and put on duty in the Ghar system." Kiyone smiled largely. "Finally! I'm free of her forever!" she thought. Mihoshi was sobbing, sad to be split up from Kiyone. Kaysuke chuckled at her victory over Kiyone. "Kaysuke, you are to be Mihoshi's new partner." Kiyone burst out laughing, and Kaysuke fainted dead away. Back on earth, Tenchi lay on his bed, thinking of Kiyone. He wished he could speak to her, just for one... The phone suddenly rang, and he picked it up. "Yes, Tenchi? this is Kiyone, and I have some news for you..." Fleet enema bags are on sale again. Washu sat in her lab, looking at the read outs from the explosion. "That's impossible! Or is it??" What explosion? More things that never happened. Er, this fic is really confusing. Oh well. ::They leave the theatre:: Original fic by Narcolepsy MSTing by Hellknight Stinger Clip: Tenchi sat on his bed, wondering what happened back there. He wondered what she was doing, and better yet, why would she stop? It was Ryoko for pete's sake. Still, he wondered why she would do that.