MSTer's note:Since we are MSTing a Tenchi fic and the Tenchi cast are MSTingThe<> sign are the MST characters. The Fic will be "'ed.Thank you. In the very distant future where demons run amok, There was a man, Tenchi Masaki,who is a real shmuck. Forced to read fics by doctor clay, Who has a stupid beard that's really gay, He threw his curlers in a purse, and persued him in a Rocket across the universe. I'll send him crappy fanfics, The worst I can find "la la la" He'll have to sit and read them all to torture his puny mind "la la la" Keep in mind he can't control when the fics will be sent He'll try to keep his sanity with the help of his horny friends Stalker roll call!!! Ryoko:Rock On Washu:I'm a genius Ayeka:TENCHI Ryo-ohki:MEOWWWWWWWWWWWWWW If you are wondering how they eat or breathe, or other science facts, Repeat to yourself it's just a fic and you really should relax, For Tenchi Muyo theater 4000 TTTTTTTTTTWWWWWWWWWWAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGG (Inside Starship-Ryo-Oki) ::Ayeka is sitting in hull of the ship, when a loud noise comes from Washu's lab:: What was that? ::Ryoko phases through the wall:: Now, isn't that obvious? Well, honestly Ryoko, I don't find it that obvious OF COURSE! WASHU'S MAKING A NEW INVENTION! Why didn't I think of that? ::Tenchi walks in:: Do you all know that Washu is making a new invention? Yeah. ::Washu walks in:: We are being called by Clay. ::A screen appears with Clay on it:: As I said,I stopped reading your fics before sending them, but this should be pretty bad. Enjoy. Mwahahahaha. ::Screen dissapears:: I hate that man. I'm not sure he's a man. Washu,what's your newest invention Well,it's- ::Lots of lights go off:: WE GOT FANFICTION SIGN. I'LL TELL YOU LATER. ::Ryoko, Ayeka, and Tenchi run into the theater:: TENCHI MUYO IN LUST ------------------------------------ Tenchi, Ayeka, and Ryoko sat watching one of Tenchi's father's films. Sasami and Ryo-Ohki were off visitting Tenchi's baby cousin Taro for a few days so they pretty much had the house to themselves. On the screen, a beautiful Japanese girl was enjoying a thorough and loving tongue-bath from a handsome young Japanese man. I prefer a towel or sponge, myself. They were both in their late teens and both seemed to be enjoying themselves. It was clear from their smiles and relaxed attitude that they were both in love and the movie had more of a romantic aspect to it than a sexual one. Watching Noboyuki porn isn't exactly how I'd spend a free afternoon. Well, it has been kind of quiet around here lately though. Hm, yeah, maybe then . . . "Your father filmed this?" "Yeah." Tenchi said, feeling a bit aroused by the movie. "Dad always was a bit hentai. Still you have to admit, it was pretty sneaky of him to film himself with mom like this." Smile, you're on totally perverted video. "You mean that girl is your mom?" "Yeah." Tenchi admitted. And it's perfectly normal for me to be watching this video. And be aroused by it. Well, look at the rest of your family (turns to Ayeka). Wha? (turns red) "She looked so young and slim." "Of course she did." Tenchi shouted at Ryoko. "She hadn't been pregnant yet." "Oh. Well excuse me." Ryoko huffed. On the screen, Achika was about to mount the youthful Nobuyuki when she suddenly vanished from sight. "Oh man! That had to be frustrating!" Ryoko sympathized. "What the...?" Tenchi protested as his body started to flicker. Suddenly, he was swept up across the room and into the wall. "I'm not too late for the orgy am I?" A manic voice asked from behind the sofa. Someone really needs to explain to her what an orgy is. I think she believed me when I said it meant hanging out. They turned to see Washu step out from behind the sofa. "The problem is back in the past." Washu told them. "And here is the proof." Washu showed them the part of the film where Achika had vanished. "She's gone!" Ayeka exclaimed in alarm. "Achika's vanished." "Many years ago something terrible happened." Washu explained. "Tenchi's conception was interrupted. As a result, the Masaki family died out." Well, that's not really so bad, aside from the Tenchi part I guess. "Isn't there something we can do?" Ryoko asked. "There is one thing. We have to go back and make sure that Nobuyuki and Achika mate." Washu surmised. "If they don't mate, Tenchi will never be born." **** Kiyone let out a yelp of pain as the vibrator went in too deeply. "MIHOSHI!!" She wailed. "Oops. Sorry." Mihoshi whimpered. "I guess you'll have to punish me?" She asked, hopefully. Kiyone grinned. "It's beginning to look that way." Kiyone said as she bent down to retrieve the whip from her toy chest. As she was bending over, she felt a stiff plastic cock thrust up into her. Looking around, she saw Ryoko standing there wearing a strap on dildo. "Ryoko!" She gasped. "Time for you to cum." Ryoko declared, triumphantly. Oh. My. God. Er. . . . . WITH KIONE?!? Kiyone cried out in orgasm as Ryoko pounded her with the plastic penis. Because nothing's more fun than homosexual rape. We should merchandise this. A little clock with ryoko on it that says "Time for you to cum" Maybe we should put you on it and have it say "Time for you not to cum" Hey! **** A short while later, when all the girls were satisfied for the moment, they all found themselves strapped into what looked like a carnival ride. Huh? I'm having trouble visualizing this. . . Relax, if we can make it through the last scene, we can make it through anything. Heehee, 'Time for you to cum,' oh man. . . "Now that you've got that out of your systems, I'm going to send you back in time to make sure Tenchi's father mates with Tenchi's mother." Washu explained. How are we supposed to do that exactly? Through the magic of ripping off Back To the Future and having lots of sex between random characters from the show. Oh. "Couldn't you think of a more romantic term?" Tenchi protested. "They're not Pandas, they're my parents." (As Washu)Ok. We gotta get your parents to fuck. Much better. "Okay, okay." Washu sighed. "Well, time to accellarate" "You can't be serious!" Tenchi protested. "This is already crushing my dick as it is!" Wha?!? Where did that come from? The writer probably just forgot to explain it. Washu made the machine go faster. What does crushing my dick have to do with time travel anyway? Nothing, the author's just into pain, apparantly. News Flash: Nothing In This Fic Makes Any Sense. **** Ryoko didn't like dressing up as a waitress, but she found she had no choice. The first place Achika and Nobuyuki would go was bound to be a romantic restaurant. Achika and Nobuyuki walked into the restaurant, just as Washu predicted. Ryoko made her way toward them when the manager stopped her. "See to that young man over there." he said, pointing to an attractive chestnut-haired young man sitting at a booth in the corner reading a menu. Ryoko sighed and went over to the boy. "May I take your order?" She asked, keeping her eyes on Achika and Nobuyuki. "What's the special?" He asked, eyeing the pretty pirate's cleavage. "It's not me." Ryoko informed him, feeling a bit miffed at his forwardness.. How did I get a job as a waitress so fast anyway? I m- *ahem*. . . what I just said. Oh, yeah. "Pity." He smiled seductively at her. "I guess I'll have the katsudon then." Ryoko rolled her eyes and stomped into the kitchen. "Just who does he think he is?" She grumbled as she prepared the meal the stranger had requested. Woah, this must be the worst staffed restaurant in the galaxy. Although her mind didn't think much of him, her body had another opinion. He certainly had a great body, that much was certain. Gee, will this end up in sex? Duh. . . maybe. Sex, leading up to sex, watching a video of your parents have sex, this fic is certainly a rich palette of literary color. "Problem, Miss Ryoko?" Washu asked. "No." Ryoko sighed, not wanting to let on that her body was attracted to someone who wasn't Tenchi.She was going to be Tenchi's wife someday, and she had no intention of being sidetracked by some opinionated, self-centered, devastatingly handsome (where'd *that* come from?!) young man. She brought the meal out to the young man and made it very clear that she had no interest in him by dumping it onto his head. Um. . . actually, that's probably IC. Hey! The young man simply got up, and walked out with perfect and unflagging dignity. Ryoko followed him in a much less dignified manner, having been tossed out bodily by the restaurant owner. She sat on the curb, rubbing her bruised ass, and swearing at the departing figure. She gasped in pleasure and then noticed that her hand had moved, absently to her cunt. In disgust, she stopped fingering herself and cried stomped off, firmly ignoring all the leering young men who'd been watching her touch herself. I'm masturbating in public now. Great. Hey, you were raping Kione a few scenes ago. . . . This is true. Cried stomped off? Someone's been typing with one hand again. . . (fic author)Golly, Ryoko masturbating! I am a genius! ::They leave the theater:: So Washu, what is your invention? Yeah, what is it? Well, it's a wireless device that can play cd-quality sound, anywhere, and I mean ANYWHERE!!!!! Um, Washu? Yes, Tenchi? That's a radio. Did I mention it can make fudge brownies? Washu, that's an easy bake oven, and a radio stuck together. ::Washu runs to her lab, crying:: Good work, Ryoko, You pissed off Washu. Yeah, what did she ever do to you? Um...Created me??? Whatever, let's go back in the theater. ::Ryoko,Tenchi, and Ayeka go back in the theater:: **** In the meanwhile, Ayeka was having a go at getting Achika and Nobuyuki 'together'. She got herself positioned in a clothing store specializing in lingerie and waited. Sure enough, Achika walked in. "May I help you?" Ayeka asked. "I'm looking for something to catch my husband's interest." Achika explained, blushing. They're already married? Huh? It isn't clear. Who cares? "Hmmm..." Ayeka looked around, then spotted a very sexy teddie. Ruxpin. "This looks pretty." She told Achika. "Or maybe I could find you something in leather? Perhaps with a whip?" That always turned Juraian men on, surely the men here on Earth... What the? Just a vague reference to S&M in a desperate attempt to obscess about a slightly different variety of sex. I don't know about you, but if someone came up to me and said they were going to whip me for kicks, I'd just be like, "You're kidding, right?" "Huh? Where'd she go?" Ayeka looked around, but Achika was already hurrying off." "Oh, that went well." Ryoko laughed at her nemesis. How did I get there? I was outside masturb- *ahem* Oh, yeah. "Well, at least I didn't get distracted by some guy." Ayeka pointed out. "At least he was...." Ryoko let the rest of the sentence die in her throat. "He was what?" Ayeka demanded. "Huh? What was he, Miss Ryoko? Tell me... Did you think he was CUTE!" "Don't be ridiculous. Besides he seemed more like your type then mine. " "Just what is that supposed to mean?" "Well, you're both a couple of uppity snobs." Ryoko pointed out. "I am *NOT* an uppity snob!" Ayeka hollered at Ryoko. "Either you take that back or I''ll ... "You'll what? Punish me? I always knew you had the hots for me, Ayeka." Wha? (turns red) Don't you know, we're like, lesbians for each other in 9 out of ten of these lame sex fics for no reason at all. Oh. Hahahahhahahahhahhahahha! Hm, I guess it is sort of funny, isn't it? Ayeka grabbed Ryoko and dragged her into Tenchi's hotel room. "Ryoko's causing trouble again, Lord Tenchi. Please remove your pants so I can teach her a lesson!" What is wrong with this picture? Tenchi wasn't sure what Ayeka had in mind, but he wasn't about to argue with her. He certainly didn't want to be chased by those logs of hers again, so he removed his pants and undergarments and stood there with his manliness jutting out before him. It wasn't huge, but it was large enough to be impressive. It definately wasn't as huge as the guy's who wrote this is. Yeah, no comparison. You americans have . . . such big penis! "Now, Ryoko, kneel in front of Tenchi." Ayeka ordered. Ryoko shrugged and knelt before Tenchi. (as fic Ayeka)Tenchi, this is your new toilet. Um, no. Ayeka took Tenchi's cock and guided the head into Ryoko's mouth. She began to stroke the shaft, seductively bringing Tenchi closer and closer to orgasm. Suddenly it dawned on her that she would be giving Tenchi's sperm to Ryoko if she continued. "WHAT AM I DOING?!" She gasped as she pulled Tenchi's cock out of Ryoko's mouth and put it into her own. What sort of punishment is that exactly? It's part of the penal code. This incarnation of me seems a little. . . confused. A little? ***** The trio woke the next morning and set out again on their task to get Achika and Nobuyuki together. Ryoko was almost at the door when the phone rang. She picked it up. "Hello, beautiful." A familiar yet different voice told her. How did he get my number? What d- *ahem* God, how many times am I going to do that? "Stop pestering me." Ryoko snarled at him. "Is that any way to talk to someone who stood up for you?" "What are you on about?" Ryoko demanded. "I told your boss that yesterday's incident was my fault. You got your job back if you still want it. Frankly, I think you're too pretty to be a waitress." "Thanks for sticking up for me." Ryoko told him. "But if you think it'll get you into my bed you can just forget that idea." "That's okay. Mine's more comfortable anyhow." Ryoko screamed in exasperation and slammed the phone down. AS IF!!!! Hehe ***** Ryoko slipped an aphrodisiac into the cup of iced tea she was getting ready for Nobuyuki. She'd noticed Achika playing footsie under the table with him, but he was anxious about something and hadn't been responding much. She then went to get their deserts from the freezer. Little did they know,it was poisoned and I was never born. NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!TTTEEEENNNNNCCCCHHHHHHIIIIIII!!!!!!!!! Hehe. While she was gone, Mihoshi walked toward the door leading into the dining hall when she suddenly spilled a glass of ice-tea that she was carrying. Without hesitating, she picked up the cup Ryoko had poured and brought it out to the table she was serving. As luck would have it, the chestnut haired young man was the recipient of the drugged drink. "Thank you." He told Mihoshi, taking a sip. He eyed it with momentary suspicion, then looked up at Mihoshi. "I think it needs just a touch of sugar." he suggested. "It's very good, mind you, but I like it a little sweeter." "I'm sorry." Mihoshi sobbed. "Oh... no... I don't mean you made it wrong. It was good you didn't make it really sweet. A person can always add more sugar to suit himself later that way. You did a very good job." '"Thank you!" Mihoshi gushed, proudly. "Oh thank you so much!" She hugged the chestnut haired young man tightly, then went into the kitchen where she saw Ryoko standing there, looking around. So Mihoshi is a slut? That's how it seems, doesn't it. I guess so. "Mihoshi, you didn't take that cup of iced tea did you?" "Uh huh." "Who did you serve it to?" Mihoshi pointed to the chestnut haired young man. "I don't believe this! Him again! What is he, a punishment for my sins?!" What type of punishment? Because if it's the kind Ayeka thinks up, it's ok. SHUT UP!!! "Maybe he's your guardian angel?" Mihoshi suggested. "Angel my butt." Ryoko huffed. "Could you bring his dinner out to him?" Mihoshi pleaded. "I'm on my break and I'm hungry." "You just gave him an aphrodisiac and now you're sending me to his table? Not a chance! I'm not going anywhere near him until that wears off." The boss cleared his throat very insistantly and Ryoko found herself making her way to the young man's table. The young man looked up at her, his eyes glistening from the drug. "You are so beautiful." he told her. "Yes, I am." She agreed. "But you can't have me." She set his food down and went over to Achika's table. Where they both lay dead. So you don't want to be born? My life sucks, so why not? Oh. I see. "Are you ready to order?" She asked, helpfully. "What are you doing, Miss Ryoko?" Ayeka bustled up to her and elbowed her out of the way. "This here is my table. You're supposed to be waiting on *him*" she pointed over to the young man Ryoko had just been with. "You must be joking!" Ryoko protested. "He is kind of cute." Achika encouraged her. Ryoko stomped over to the chestnut-haired man's table. "What do you want?" She griped "I'd like to take you out back, space-pirate, and pump you for information." he muttered, feeling the affects of the drug more fully now. WHAT!!! So I'm about to have sex with someone I hardly know. Thank you, author. Yeppp. That's how it seems does it not? Yeppp. "What?" She glared at him. "I'll just have a bowl of ramen." He amended. "That's what I thought you said." Ryoko went into the kitchen to get the young man's order. So I was never born. The end. So why are you here? AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! Original fic by:Karmin "Trakal" StJean Msting by:Hellknight Please do not take this seriously. And no flames! Stinger Clip: "Time for you to cum." Ryoko declared, triumphantly.