The Incredible MSTers in: The Icky Stupid Lemon By The Incredible Dancing Quatre Narrator: The sun is setting over the Incredible MSTers headquarters. This may not be DisneyWorld, but this is definitely where the magic happens. Fanfics... there are the good, the bad, and the ugly. When an ugly fic makes its presence known, you can be sure that justice will be served on a silver platter. You can be sure that no fic will receive mercy. There's just one group of... Washu: Hi, everybody! Narrator: You're supposed to wait until I introduce you. Washu: *chibi eyes* How could anybody wait to see cute little me? Narrator: Um... right. Well, could finish the introduction, please, Washu? *An angry man wearing a T-shirt that says "I love Washu" storms up to the narrator* Man: That's Washu-CHAN! Show a little respect... *The man walks off* Washu: *shaking head* Oh, man. The author of this MST is so unoriginal, that he's stealing other people's running jokes. Narrator: Not to mention the fact that he's using you in this MST as well. I mean, come on! Washu-chan, you're one of the most overused MST characters I've seen. *thunder rolls and the author's voice booms from the heavens above* Author: I'm a fan of hers, okay? Now, lay off. Washu: *sticking tongue out at Narrator* Narrator: Whatever. May I continue? Washu: *innocent smile* As you wish. Narrator: Just one group of people insane enough to sit down and heckle at a fanfiction as if they have nothing better to do with their lives. First, Kiyone Makibi, resident officer of the Galaxy Police. *a spotlight comes down on Kiyone* Kiyone: *bats eyelashes* I'm the pretty one. Narrator: Actually, it says on this paper that you're the reasonable one. Kiyone: Reasonable sounds so... boring. Hmm, I'm going to have to have a talk with the author. Narrator: Moving right along... we have Barret, from the realm of Final Fantasy 7... the only information that I have about him is that he's... "one mean sunufa bitch"? *a spotlight comes down on Barret* Barret: What in the Hell am I doing here? Someone betta start telling me what's goin' on, 'cuz I'm about to get angry. Narrator: Eh... nothing to worry about, Mr. Barret. You're just going to take part in an MST. Barret: An MST? What's that? Washu: An MST? Oh, that's... *whispers into Barret's ear* Barret: What kind of crazy shit is that? We sit around and badmouth someone else's writing? That's messed up. Ugh, whatever. Narrator: And here, you've already met the MST moderator, Washu-chan. Washu: *smiles and waves* Hiya, people. Narrator: Now, we have the star of show! The leader of the group! The one, the only... Washu: *grabs Narrator's paper* I'll take over from here. Narrator: Hey... give it back... Washu: Lights! *the lights in the studio dim and a projector screen pops up from the floor* Washu: Thank you. *Washu clicks a button on her holo-top starting a slideshow* Behold! Mild-mannered Quatre Raberba Winner. *click* Here's a picture of him in jammies. Isn't he just adorable? *ahem* Anyway... *click* We've had our sights set on him to lead this MST team for a while. He's innocent, likable, intelligent, and handsome. So, we decided that we would condition him a little bit to get in shape for the MST. I thought I would run a few tests on him. Naturally, he volunteered. *clicks to next slide, which depicts Washu holding a shovel behind her back and smiling next to an unconscious Quatre* Ah! How did *that* slide get in there? Okay, enough of the slideshow. Lights on! *the projector screen goes back into the ground, and the lights turn back on* Washu: We've been working on Quatre for two months now. His incubation period should be ending in about... one minute. Follow me to the lab. *The narrator, Washu, Kiyone, and Barret enter a large white room fraught with all sorts of scientific gadgetry as well as at least a dozen personnel.* Scientist: Good day, Washu-chan. The day is finally upon us! Finally, all of our hard work on making Quatre a better, badder MSTer will all become worth it. Washu: Yes, I know... bring out the incubator! *two men wheel out a huge metal container that looks like a small submarine with all the gadgets sticking off of it* Kiyone: Er... Washu-chan? What is the meaning of all this exactly? Washu: *grinning* You'll see in a second. Open it up! *as the scientists open the incubator, so much steam billows out that it becomes hard to see* Washu: *coughing* The Quatre you once knew is no more. We made him better. We made him faster. We made him stronger. We made him... DANCE! Everyone else: Dance? *just then a mysterious blonde figure does a beautiful jette out of the smoke and onto the lab table* ???: Hiya. It's a pleasure to meet all of you. Barret: Jes' who are you? ???: Oh, me? My name is... *puts on hand on waist and points his other finger into the air, ala Saturday Night Fever* ...The Incredible Dancing Quatre! Kiyone: The Incredible...? You must be joking, right? TIDQ: *giggles* Nope, that's my name, but you can call me TIDQ for short. Washu: TIDQ is the ultimate MST machine! He's been given a few... upgrades so that the MST experience can be more enjoyable for everyone. Kiyone: I understand that, but... dancing? Washu: I like dancing. If the fic gets boring, we can just watch TIDQ dance. Simple. Barret: Works for me. TIDQ: Oh, absolutely. I know lots of great dances. It's the finest art, you know. Washu: Okay, guys. Enough dawdling. We do have a job after all. And that's to ridicule fanfiction! Barret (to Kiyone): Remind me again why we're doing this. Kiyone (to Barret): I'm doing this to help out Washu-chan. *You're* doing this because it counts as community service. Barret: Stupid parking tickets... TIDQ (to Kiyone and Barret): I don't really have a choice, but Washu-chan has been treating me nicely so I don't want to back out on her now. Washu: Okay, guys. To the movie room. I'll stay in the control room and monitor your progress, as per so many MSTs have had me do... author no baka... oh, wait! There are only three of you. TIDQ: Is there a problem, Washu-chan? Washu: Yeah, there's a problem. You need at least four MSTers for this to work... TIDQ: Why four? Author: *booming again* Because I said so. That's why. Kiyone: But where are we going to find a fourth MSTer on such short notice? Barret: *looks over at the narrator who's picking his nose* Hey, you! The one pickin' ya nose. Get your skinny ass over here. You're our fourth member. Narrator: *looking around* You mean... me? TIDQ: Sure, why not? Hello, sir. My name is The Incredible Dancing Quatre. What's your name? Narrator: Oh... my name is John. Nice to meetcha. TIDQ: Nice to meet you too, John. Ready to MST the fic Washu has prepared for us? John: Oh... um, yeah! I'm ready! Let's get our fic on! Everyone: -_-* Barret: Don't you ever say that again... John: Ah, sorry. *The Incredible MSTers file into a small theatre, designed in much the same fashion as a common dollar movie theatre* Washu: *over an intercom* Okay, guys. Have a seat. Kiyone: Is that soda on my seat? Washu: Don't worry about it. Just trying to keep the atmosphere natural. John: You can switch seats with me if you want, Kiyone-san. Mine seems clean. Kiyone: *smiles* Hey, that's sweet of you. Thanks. John: *blushes* Aw, um... no biggie. It was just... uh... TIDQ: John, your face looks a little flushed. Are you feeling warm? Barret (to TIDQ): Jes leave 'im be. You know how boys his age are. TIDQ: I thought he was in his late 40's or something. John (to Kiyone): Hey... I was thinking, when we're done with this whole MST thing, you and I could maybe... Kiyone: Don't push it, buster. John: I don't know if anyone ever told you this, but you're kinda cute when you're assertive. Kiyone: *grabs John's neck around the back* Oh, look, JOHN. The fic is starting. Let's all sit down. *everyone sits* >The love of Tenchi by Darius Chan Barret: Hey! I don't like the sound of that title. This ain't one of them apples, is it? Washu: *over intercom* That's a "lemon", Barret, and yes, it is. Barret: Aw, shit. I didn't sign on for some skinny ass white boy trying to get his freak on. TIDQ: Don't worry about it, Mr. Barret. I'm sure it can't be as bad as all that. Barret: Yeah, yeah. >Disclaimer: To the lawyers of AIC & Pioneer, please don't sue me Kiyone (AIC lawyer): Well, we *were* going to sue you... John (Pioneer lawyer): But since you asked so nicely. >I'm not making money off of this Barret (Darius Chan): *stuffing money in his pockets* What's everyone looking at? >and if you sue me you won't get >Any money cause I'm flat broke, and you would be wasting your >Time trying to get a case so please pass this on to the geniuses that >Created Tenchi Muyo. Kiyone: Was that... all one sentence? TIDQ: You're quite a sticlar for grammar. Aren't you, Kiyone-san? Kiyone: Yeah, I guess I am, and please, just call me Kiyone. John: So, Kiyone, like I was talking about before we were interrupted earlier... Kiyone (to John): And you can call me Kiyone-SAN. John: Uh... right, Kiyone-san. Sorry to be rude. >Warning this is a lemon fanfic TIDQ: There something I've been meaning to ask. What's a lemon? *innocent eyes* Barret: Uh... aw, geez. How can I possibly look at that innocent face and tell him? You tell him, Kiyone. Kiyone: Hey! Don't look at me. He's too adorable. I could never live with myself. You do it, John. John: *sweating* Uh, well you see, Quatre, when a man and a woman love each other... uhm... they decide to have a baby together. Kiyone: A baby? Ugh, you're hopeless. John: Only sometimes they don't want a baby, so the guy uses a rubber, and... TIDQ: But John. Why would they try to have a baby if they don't want one? >which means it, has sexual content TIDQ: Sexual... content? John: *deep breath* Okay, a lemon is a kind of fanfic where two or more people have sex with each other in order to arouse and entertain the reader. Barret: *eyes shut* Crap, now he's done it. TIDQ: *wide-eyed* John... John: Eep... TIDQ: How could they? I mean, people don't... I mean... oh, dear. Kiyone: *coddles TIDQ* Look what you've done to him! How could you?! John: I didn't... know... but... hey, someone had to tell him! >if you >are offended by the idea of this you shouldn't have passed this mark >if you saw the word lemon if you are under 18. Barret (Mark): Damn, I can't believe I let y'all pass me. You're all over 18 though, right? John: Yup. Kiyone: *grins* Just barely. TIDQ: Um... I'm not. Barret (Mark): Hmm... this could be a problem. TIDQ: No, it's okay. I think I can handle it. John: Are you sure? TIDQ: Yeah, I want to do this for Washu-chan. John: Good deal. Now, let's watch. >This happens about two weeks or so after Manatsu No Eve Mayuka is apparently >very healthy Kiyone: What?! Baby Mayuka was ill? How come I was never informed? Washu: *over intercom* Mayuka never got sick. I have no idea what the Hell this bozo is talking about. John: *yawns and stretches* Oh, I'm so tired. *reaches arm around Kiyone* Kiyone: *grabs John's wrist* You really should get more sleep, John. John: Um... Kiyone, you're hurting me. Could you just loosen... a little? Kiyone: *lets go* Oh, terribly sorry about that. >and Tenchi finds out that he has loved Ryoko Barret: *sniff* That's beautiful, man. I've never read such a heart-warming story of Tenchi falling in love with Ryoko before. >after he thinks >about what he did when he slapped her and after he found out that she was so >sad that Mayuka was gone John (to himself): Hmm, if all it took was a slap to make Tenchi realize he was in love, then maybe I should slap Kiyone! Then, she'll go out with me! TIDQ: *sings* Hit me with your best shot. Why don't you hit me with your best shot? Barret: Must be love in the air. TIDQ: *gets up and starts doing the cabbage patch* Fire awa-ay! Kiyone: What are you three mumbling about over there? All the guys: Nothing. Kiyone: Uh-huh. Barret (to John): You do realize that if you slap her, she'll kick your ass, dontcha? John: Nah, she won't do that. Darius said it would work, so it'll work. TIDQ: *stops dancing* Actually, I kind of agree with Mr. Barret. >she found her calm side and then he falls in love >with her John: See? How can you discredit such a strong testimonial? TIDQ: *tappity tappity* Barret: What are you doing, Q-ball? TIDQ: Well, aren't you supposed to dance with taps when you go to a funeral? Barret: No, not DANCE taps, you... oh, never mind. Knock yourself out, kid. John: *walks over to Kiyone* Kiyone: Just when did we all stand up? John: Um... not sure. Anywho, Kiyone, look over there! Kiyone: *turns her head* What is it? John: *raises arm* Heh heh. *swings quickly* Yeeeaaa! Kiyone: Hey, my earring! I've been looking for this. *bends down* John: *hits self in head* Kiyone: *puts earring back on* Much better. Um... John? Is something wrong? John: *falls over* Woo... now you'll go out with me, won't you? Kiyone: Ugh, get a life. *walks over John* John: Oof. Yeah, she wants me. >when she takes him on a little trip an make a little speech about >her love and Aeka is jealous Barret: Huh. Another AHRLI. I should've known this piece of shit was written by one of them. TIDQ: AHRLI, Mr. Barret? Barret: Ayeka-hating, Ryoko-loving idiot. They're the most braindead kind of Tenchi fan. Kiyone: Hey guys. Did I miss anything? TIDQ: Nah, not too much, Kiyone. Hey, where's John? John (from ground): *groan* I'm cool as a cucumber, TIDQ. No worries. TIDQ: Okay, then. Just checking. >this happens when they are about to sleep >together for the first time. Everyone: *deadpan* I can hardly contain myself. >The Love of Tenchi- Ryoko was quietly looking up at the stars and thinking >about John: Let me guess. Tenchi? >Tenchi TIDQ: Good call. John: Thanks. >then she phases on an awaiting Tenchi sitting on his bed. Then >she materialized right in front of Tenchi's penis. Barret: Heh. You call that thing a p... Everyone else: -_- Barret: What's everyone looking at me for? >Then she starts >licking it and Tenchi notices by moaning. Kiyone: How could you not notice something like that? John (Tenchi): Hey, it feels like there's something wet on my... oh! It's Ryoko. *moans* >He then thrusts his penis forward >into Ryoko's John (Gameshow host): Hello, people. I'm Unusually Frisky, and now! It's time to play everyone's favorite game, "What is Tenchi Thrusting His Penis Into?" Are you ready to play, panel? Everyone else: We sure are, Unusually! John (Gameshow host): Okay, for our first, last, and only question... what is Tenchi thrusting his penis into? *buzz!* John (Gameshow host): Yes, TIDQ? TIDQ: Oh, what did you call it? Into Ryoko's... rubber? John (Gameshow host): No, I'm sorry. That's wrong. Everybody knows that pregnancy and STDs don't exist in fanfiction; therefore, condoms are never used. *buzz!* John (Gameshow host): Yes, Barret? Barret: It's her... ya know. I don't wanna say because it's a family show. John (Gameshow host): Yes, Barret. I know. But no, that is not the correct answer. *buzz!* John (Gameshow host): Yes, Kiyone? Kiyone: *smiles* That's Kiyone-san to you, Mr. Frisky. John (Gameshow host): *sweatdrops* Yes, of course, Kiyone-san. Do you have an answer? Kiyone: I bet it was her mouth. John (Gameshow host): Judges? Show me "mouth"! >mouth. John (Gameshow host): That is absolutely correct! Kiyone: All right! So, what did I win? John (Gameshow host): A date with yours truly! Kiyone: *sigh* Super... >Then she starts to stop but Tenchi trys to get it >back in. TIDQ: And all this without so much as a hello? How rude. Kiyone: What is he, like some freaking sex machine? John (Home Shopping Network Rep): And now, for a limited time, you can get Tenchi-bot 5000 for only $1999.99. He's guaranteed to be the best sex machine you've ever bought! Barret: I think you need to shut your ass up and sit down. >Then Ryoko says, "are you enjoying this Tenchi?", Everyone: NO! >Tenchi says "um… um…", Kiyone: Huh? John: Must be some kind of error when he copied and pasted or something. It beats the hell out of me. Barret: Is it too much damn trouble to spell check it again before you submit it? John: Apparently for Darius. >"If you cant decide I’ll do it >for you". Then she starts sucking Tenchi's cock TIDQ: Poor chicken. >giving him a jolt of >pleasure. TIDQ: Hey, I love Jolt! It always gives me the energy I need to dance the night away. Kiyone: Um, Quatre, I don't think that's what... TIDQ: Man, I could sure use a Jolt just like Tenchi has. Kiyone: Trust me. I don't think you want... TIDQ: Washu-chan? Could we get some beverages down here? Washu: *over intercom* Sure thing, my little guinea pig. *a hole in the ceiling opens up and a small tray with assorted drinks descends to the ground by way of a small cable* TIDQ: All right! Jolt! *grabs a Jolt and starts chugging it down* Barret: Hey, not bad. We got some drinks. Someone pass me a beer. John: Hmm... I'm not seeing any. Washu *over the intercom* If your senses are dulled, then the MST won't work. No alcohol. Barret: What?! That's a crock of shit... Washu: *intercom* What was that?! Barret: Uh... I said, I think I'll have a Fresca. *TIDQ starts hopping around the theatre* TIDQ: Whee! I love dancing! I love soda! Kiyone: Crap, Quatre's had too much caffeine. We gotta calm him down. But how? >He then starts to get hi John: Hello. >(like smoking marijuana) Barret (to John): Smoking... John (to Barret): Marijuana...? Kiyone: Guys, we have to find some way to relax Quatre! TIDQ: *runs into a lamp* Oops, sorry! Heehee! *jettes back and forth* Barret: We couldn't do that to the little guy... John: Could we? Kiyone: Just what are you two jabbering about? Washu: *over intercom* Absolutely not! You will not be getting TIDQ hi! Er, I mean, high! Listen to yourselves! You're taking advice from the author we're MSTing, who right now is comparing oral sex to smoking a frelling joint! John: You know... when she puts it like that, she's right. Barret: Yeah. Q-ball, get your skinny ass down here and watch the rest of the damn fic. TIDQ: *stops* Okay, Mr. Barret. *walks over and sits down* Kiyone: *amazed* How did you do that? Barret: It's a gift. >then he starts >to climax by ejaculating about a liter of semen in her mouth Kiyone: Look, she even has measurement ticks on the side of her mouth for both English and Metric systems. >she gulps if >it were miso soup. Everyone: I'll never eat Miso Soup again! >_< Washu: Anyone hungry for a little snack to go with your drink? Everyone: No! I'm not hungry! >_< Washu: Heh heh. Just teasing. >Then he gets up from Ryoko, and Ryoko reluctantly lets >go. John: Yes! The fic is over! >After that John: Why must you torture me so, Darius Chan? WHY?! >Tenchi starts to speak, " could you uh… lie down >Ryoko" TIDQ: You mean NOW he finally decides to talk? Kiyone: I guess Tenchi isn't one for foreplay. John: Kiyone...? How do you know that? Kiyone: *growls* Look, you hentai! I said I *guess* he isn't. I would never sleep with Tenchi. TIDQ: Well, it doesn't look like it'd be easy to go to sleep with Tenchi's penis in your mouth anyway. Barret (to TIDQ): Look, Q-ball. Just... forget about it. >"for what?" Kiyone: *sarcastic* To give you a massage. What do you *think* he wants, Ryoko? John: She seems pretty dense. This must be the Ryoko from Shin Tenchi. TIDQ: Actually, they said it was the one from Manatsu no Eve. John: So, some author is mixing continuities again. What's new? >"you gave me pleasure and your getting some in return" Everyone: *deadpan* The suspense is killing us. >"but-but", then she lied down reluctantly. Then he started by holding her >breasts in his hand TIDQ: Wow! Tenchi's hand is huge! Barret: Either that or Ryoko's got some funky-shaped breasts. >next he starts to suck one of her breasts and pinches >her other one. John (Home Shopping Network Rep): And Tenchi-bot 5000 is efficient, too! He is proven capable to stimulate up to three breasts at once! Barret: I thought I told you to cut that shit out. >He licks the left one by licking in a circular motion and >then nibbles it. TIDQ: Um... isn't that a little redundant, Kiyone? Kiyone: Yeah, it is. It is. But at this point, I'm not expecting much from the author anymore. Barret: You were expecting something to begin with? >He then goes down to her vagina and starts licking it. John: He sure doesn't waste any time, does he? TIDQ: There's entirely too much licking going on... >Ryoko screams out with pleasure and moans. Kiyone: Kiyone wails with nausea and illness. John: John consoles Kiyone. Kiyone: Kiyone readies her pepper spray. John: John backs off politely. >She then gets up on all fours >signaling to hump her. John (Ryoko/Cavewoman): Ugha. Tenchi. You come. Hump Ryoko now. Barret: Who the Hell does she think she is? An air traffic controller? TIDQ: Actually, John, making babies looks kind of stiff and boring. Kiyone: You can tell the author is a man, because he obviously has no idea what he's doing. All the guys: Heeey... >In out & in out. John (HSN rep): That's right. Tenchi-bot 5000 will "in out" to your heart's content. He never needs to be oiled. Batteries sold separately. Barret: That's it. Someone's cruisin' for a butt whoopin'. Get over here. John: Barret, dude! I was only kidding. Take a joke? Please? Barret: *gets up* Not this time, buddy. I've had it up to here with your sex-bot jokes. Now, be a man, and take your ass-kickin'! John: *runs away* Barret, I'm sorry! No more jokes! Barret: *runs after John* You're damn straight, no more jokes. I'll see to that. TIDQ: Should be help John, Kiyone? Kiyone: Nah, he can take care of himself. >She felt pain but then it was >replaced with a unlimited amount of pleasure she starts to scream out with >pleasure. Kiyone: These run-on sentences are starting to drive me crazy. Did we learn nothing from elementary school English? TIDQ: She's going to wake up everyone else with all that screaming. There are other people in the house, you know. >She almost blacked out with overcome of pleasure. Semen was >seeping out of her ass she was climaxing. Kiyone: For crying out loud, where does Tenchi get all of this semen from? He already unloaded a liter of it in Ryoko's mouth. TIDQ: No, Kiyone. That was the Miso Soup, remember? Kiyone: Thanks for reminding me. -_- Barret: Okay, pip-squeak. I have you cornered. Are you ready to get what's coming to you? John: AH! I'M SORRY! >Then she fainted. *John faints* Barret: Heh. That'll teach him. TIDQ: Mr. Barret, you weren't really going to hurt John, were you? Barret: Nah, just scare him a little. That was actually fun. Kiyone: *patting John's cheek* John? Wake up, John. We have to watch the rest of the fic. John: *opens eyes* Kiyone... you were worried about me. I knew it. Kiyone: Ew! See if I help you again. John: Oy... she wants me. *gets up and goes back to chair* >---------------------------------Dream-------------------------------------- John: --------------------------This Blows---------------------------------- >She was flying around in the sky with Tenchi at her side. They kissed and >then Tenchi slipped out of her grasp TIDQ (Tenchi): I'm free! >and fell down through the sky she flew >down to him but he was gone. TIDQ: Where did he go? Kiyone: Hmm... good question. Barret: No doubt somewhere very far away from this story. >She waked up fully conscious in Tenchi's arms all night. TIDQ: She must have some kind of sleeping disorder to keep waking up over and over again all night. >Apparently he >just stayed there with her all night waiting for her to regain >consciousness. Kiyone: It's called SLEEP, you idiot. You usually have to wait awhile for that to wear off. Men... >She then knew he truly loved her. Everyone: NO, HE DOESN'T! >He then notices she's >awake then he kisses her. She was somehow in her clothes. John: Say what now? Barret: Yeah, just like my foot is about to "somehow" get lodged in the author's ass. TIDQ: *scratching head* I, too, am a bit confused. How did she get dressed in her sleep without her or Tenchi knowing it? John: Probably the same way Ryoko was able to start licking Tenchi without him noticing at first. >Breakfast- Sasami was busy preparing miso soup for breakfast Everyone: OH GOD, NO! THROW IT AWAY, SASAMI! Kiyone: I think... I'm going to be ill... TIDQ: Again? Kiyone: Yes, again. Barret: What kind of shit is this? Sasami wants to prepare the damn man juice she found on the floor in Tenchi's bedroom? John: Well... uh... now come on, guys. It could be just a coincidence, right? They could be talking about two totally different broths! TIDQ: John, even I can tell the author isn't capable of more than one- dimensional thinking. Tenchi and his friends are about to sample of that stuff Ryoko drank last night. Kiyone: I think *hic* I'm going to *hic* lose it... John: Then, I guess this is a bad time to ask you to dinner tomorrow? Kiyone: Oh, shi... *runs out of theatre* Barret: Way to go, smart guy. John: What? I didn't do anything. The Miso Soup is the reason she got sick. Barret: Yeah, buddy. You just keep telling yourself that. >unnoticing >Aeka’s anger. TIDQ: Who? John (Aekarsquo): I am Aekarsquo! FEAR ME! *Kiyone stumbles back into the theatre* Kiyone: Nobody bug me... John: Kiyone-san, I... Kiyone: That's Kiyone-SAN to... oh, wait. Never mind. >Ryoko walked down the stairs. "Miss Ryoko, may I have a >word with you?" said Aeka. Barret: If this is written by an AHRLI, this won't end well. TIDQ: Why not, Mr. Barret? Barret: Because... oh, you'll see. >"Well sure why not, what?" said Ryoko" "May we go >and speak in private" letting out a sigh Ryoko says, Kiyone: Um... "Shut up, you stupid bitch." John: "Speaking of privates..." TIDQ: "I'll bring the cookies." *everyone looks at TIDQ* TIDQ: What? Barret: Uh... "Don't eat the Miso Soup." >"Sure". John: Man, we were way off. >Then they walk >out side on the porch. "What did you do to Tenchi last night" said Aeka in a >annoyed voice Kiyone (Ryoko): We had emotionless efficient caveman sex for about five minutes. Then I got bored and fell asleep while we were still having it. Any other questions? >"What did I do… something that you will never do with >Tenchi" John: Oh, now come on! If Ryoko isn't trying to start a fight, then I don't know what she's doing. Barret: Jerr-y! Jerr-y! Kiyone: *bops Barret* Don't start. Barret: Geez... sorry. >"What! You forced him into bed didn't you" "well I started it >and he agreed to it". John (Ryoko): Well he didn't agree... in so many "words". I guess it was the penis in my mouth that kinda clued me in. >Meanwhile Tenchi gets his cup and toothbrush and >starts brushing his teeth and thinks about last night. Kiyone: Oh, no... TIDQ: What is it, Kiyone? Kiyone: Well, one of the things that I've noticed whenever I stay over at the Misaki house is that Ryoko has a rather filthy habit of using other people's toothbrushes. Barret: Aw, you don't mean... Kiyone: Yeah, I am. I wouldn't be surprised if that toothpaste that boy was scrubbing his teeth with was really a little Cream of Tenchi. Barret: Damn it! Now, you've got that idea stuck in my head. I'm never brushing my teeth again. >He thinks to himself, >"Ryoko was wonderful but what about Aeka, She's probably acting like >hell to Ryoko". John: (Tenchi) Maybe I should give Ayeka some of the quick emotionless mechanical sex as well. TIDQ: AAH! John: What? TIDQ: Oh, sorry. For a second there, you sounded like Carson Daly though. >Then he hears a blast outside and almost chokes on his >toothpaste. Kiyone: *snickers* Barret: That ain't funny. That's just sick. Kiyone: Relax, Pooh-Barret. I'm only trying to rile you up. Barret: Yeah, yeah. Just don't call me that ever again. >"Miss Ryoko, you can't molest Tenchi like that" John (Ayeka): No, you must molest him like THIS! *reaches toward Kiyone* Kiyone: If you place any value on your fingers at all, you'll remove them, princess. John (Ayeka): Ah... I think we'll save the molestation for another round. >"You tried >what to Tenchi", with a comeback. Aeka started building up an energy field >and the floating logs appeared around her TIDQ: Did their septic tank spring a leak? Everyone else: O_o >then Tenchi ran out Kiyone: Of miso soup? It's about time! TIDQ: Yeah! *throws soda bottle at screen* Kiyone: Whoa. Way to get angry, Quatre. TIDQ: The story is even starting to get on MY nerves. >and the >forcefield hit him knocking him out instantly. Then Sasami ran outside and >saw Tenchi on the ground. John: NOOO!!! Barret: What in the Hell has gotten into you? John: That! *flails arms and points at screen* That! You've seen what this author is capable of doing. I do not want to see Sasami looking at Tenchi lying on the ground! Kiyone: Aren't you overreacting just a little bit? John: If there's one thing I will never ever stand for, it's Sasami hentai. *stands up* I will kill every last one of those perverts if it's the last thing I do. *clenches fists* TIDQ: Yeah, but John... John: They will pay dearly! Barret: *grabs John* Listen, ya fool! There ain't no hentai-in' going on. Look at the screen. It's jes Sasami looking at Tenchi. No dirty stuff implied. John: *eyes water up* I... know, but... she's just a little girl. You can never be too careful when they put Sasami in a lemon. Barret: *lets go* Yeah. Yeah. Just settle down before you hurt yerself. >"Aeka, what did you do to Tenchi" the little >princess said. John: Little princess?! Is that your sick pet name for her now?! Everyone else: JOHN! John: *sweats* Sorry... I'll behave. >"It was a accident I was trying to hit Ryo- um-um". TIDQ (Sasami): Ah, yes. Ryo-um-um. I never liked her anyway. Carry on, sister. >"You were >attacking Ryoko!" yelled Sasami. Kiyone (Ayeka): No, I wasn't. I was trying to hit Ryo-Ohki! That little mongrel left a mess in my slippers this morning. >Then Ryoko quickly teleported Tenchi and >herself into Washu’s lab. John (Aekarsquo): Aha! She has unwittingly lead her into the hands of my evil sister! >"What the hell did you do this time Ryoko?" TIDQ: Wow, Washu-chan. You must've gotten up on the wrong side of the bed that morning. Washu: *over intercom* That's not me. That's Washu-pikachu. Barret: You mean Washursquo. Washu: *over intercom* Whatever. >"It wasn't me dammit it was that little bitch Aeka who did it". Barret: Yeah. Yeah. It's always Ayeka's fault, isn't it? John: Well, in this case it is, actually. Barret: Sure, the crazy-ass Ayeka they got in this story. But not the one I've seen. Kiyone: Hey, as long as they aren't blaming me, everything's just fine. Barret: Sure, we'll just blame you every time something happens to Mihoshi. Kiyone: And just what is that supposed to mean? Barret: Nuthin'. Kiyone: You got that right... John: Way to lay down the law, Kiyone-san. Don't take crap from anybody. Kiyone: Oh, you be quiet. John: Yes, ma'am. >Washu >then hit her console and a couple of arms picked up Tenchi and placed him on >a bed. TIDQ: I think Tenchi's spent enough time in bed. Kiyone: You're very wise, Quatre. >Then after that Aeka ran through the door screaming John: Bloody murder. Kiyone: "Ding-dong, the witch is dead." Barret: "Help me, Washursquo! I'm way out of character!" TIDQ: "Oh my goodness! I just found out we can save money by switching to 10-10- 220 for our long distance calls!" >"Tenchiiiii". Kiyone: We were still way off. TIDQ: Yeah, but at least we can be more creative than Darius. >Washuu picked up a little device and placed it over Tenchi. And it started >to buzz. John: Holy crap! Washuu is going to use a vibrator on Tenchi! Everyone else: AAAAAHHH!!! Washu: *over intercom* If that's true, this guy is dead. TIDQ: The author after you're done with him, or Tenchi after he uses your vibrator? Washu: I DON'T OWN A VIBRATOR! TIDQ: *meekly* Sorry, Washu-chan... Washu: *over intercom* No, I'm sorry for getting angry, but I've had my name dragged through the mud in enough lousy fanfics. I do not do crazy sex experiments in my lab! Kiyone: You're not the only one. If all of that were true, I would've given myself a stroke from all the yelling I do at Mihoshi in those fics. TIDQ: Yeah, well... have you ever read Gundam Wing fanfiction? Kiyone and Washu: Quatre wins... >Then Ryoko said in an loving voice, "Tenchi, I love" John (Ryoko): Goldfishes 'cause they're so delicious! TIDQ (Ryoko): Ayeka, and I'm leaving you for her. Barret (Ryoko): Barret, that handsome black man from the Final Fantasy game. John: Um... excuse me? Barret: What? A guy can dream, can't he? John: *looks at Kiyone* Sure can. Kiyone: Eyes on the screen, please. >And then fell on to Tenchi crying. TIDQ: Why is she crying, John? John: Because of the vibrator, maybe? Washu: *intercom* It is not a vibrator! John: Oh, it is so totally a vibrator. Washu: *intercom* I think Darius would make an excellent guinea pig... >Authors notes if anyone has any death threats flames or comments please >email me at dman_the_original@yahoo.com Kiyone: *writing* Okay... got it. Now, we know where to find him. Barret: Don't you think it's kinda strange that he knew people weren't going to like his story before he even published it? Kiyone: It makes you wonder why he wrote it in the first place... John: It's also kind of ironic that he calls himself "the original", when, in fact, this is one of the single most unoriginal pieces of crap I've laid my eyes on. Everyone else: Agreed. >Please stay tuned for the sequel of >The love of Tenchi Everyone: Nooo!! >coming soon. John: Phew! TIDQ: Why are you so relieved, John? John: Well, Mike Forever said the same thing. That's the guy who wrote "At the Carrot Patch". Basically, this fic is over. I doubt there will be a sequel, but even if there is, nobody's going to want to read it hopefully. If we've done our job as MSTers, then maybe Darius will think twice about writing a lemon next time. Barret: Let's hope so. They should stop people from making this kind of shit in the first place. Kiyone: Well, I don't see any reason why we can't hurt him now. TIDQ: Kiyone, you don't have to resort to violence. Kiyone: Why not? TIDQ: Because I want to. Washu: *intercom* Excellent work, guys. If you'll come in the next room, I have a special treat for you. *the group gets up and files out of the theatre and into a large white room. Washu is standing next to a scruffy-looking teenager who is bound and gagged* Washu: I thought the MST went well. Nobody is ever going to want to read a Darius Chan ever again thanks to you. But just to make sure, I tracked down our guest here. ????: Mfft!!! Barret: Is that who I think it is? Washu: Darius Chan, writer of crappy lemon fanfics, at your service. John: Let me at him. I want to tear this guy up. TIDQ: *holds out hand in front of John* No, John. Let me handle this one. He shall learn... the art of dance is not only beautiful, but deadly as well. To quote my friend Wufei, I will show him JUSTICE! John: *smiles* Okay then, little buddy. You give him a good beating for all of us. Washu: *starts to untie Darius* While TIDQ shows this guy some justice, why don't we go into the lab? *removes gag* Come on, people. *everybody but TIDQ and Darius leave the room* Darius: This is an outrage! What have you done with me? TIDQ: Just trying to show you how much we appreciated your little fanfic. My name is The Incredible Dancing Quatre. I didn't want to have to use my secret, deadly dance, but you leave me no choice. Darius: If I want Tenchi to act like a robot and brush his teeth with his own semen, then I'll do whatever the Hell I feel like, dammit! TIDQ: *starts shuffling his feet* Dance of death... unleash! THE ENDLESS WALTZ! Darius: Mommy... *meanwhile* Barret: *drinking a beer* Finally! Some real refreshment around here. John: So, Kiyone... you know, you did earn that date with me. Kiyone: Oh, right. The date. Well, I'm a little busy today... but I'll call you, okay? John: Well, you don't have my number. You want me to write it down? Kiyone: Er... no thanks. I think I'd rather guess. It's more fun that way. John: Oh, okay. ...wait a second. You want to... *crashes are heard from the other room* Washu: Music to my ears. TIDQ: *faintly from the other room* Oh, so you want me to dance on your head a little more? I can do that. Kiyone: TIDQ is such a sweetie. Washu: Well, John. Take us out. John: Take who where? Washu: You did a great job filling in, but you still have a JOB to do, remember? John: Oh, right! *ahem* And so, the Incredible MSTers successfully trounced upon yet another bad lemon from the Tenchi-verse and brought swift justice to readers everywhere. Tune in next time. Same MST time. Same MST place. Darius: Please... let him off me! Washu: How did you get out? TIDQ: I'm not through with him. Just a little more, Washu-chan? Washu: *grins* How could I look at that face and say no. Just a little though, okay? TIDQ: Yay! *cheers Sasami-style and drags Darius back in the other room* *lights fade out* This is my first MST. I hope you enjoyed it. If you did, please leave a review. As a famous person once said, "A reviewed author is a happy author." Also, if by any chance the author of this fic being MSTed reads this, I tried to email you for permission to make this MST, but your email address didn't exist anymore. Sorry!