'A Sample to Remember': MST #4
By:  Kartman

Mystery Science Theater 3000 is a trademark of Best Brains, Inc.
Tenchi Muyo! Is copyright 1992-1999 AIC/Pioneer LDC (all of those geniuses).
Burlison 4:20, Kartman, and any characters watching the fic are property of 
well, Kartman.
All other characters are property of their respective companies.

The fic shown here is (c) 2000 by EcchiHalf.

(Opening)
In the not-too-distant future
Somewhere in time and space
Erik Burlison and his stranded pals
Were caught in an endless chase

Pursued by a woman named Celina
An evil b***h who wants to rule the world
She sent two veterans of lemon fics
And with these two the Burlisons will still be one head short of six
(Get...us...down!!!!)

I'll send him cheesy fanfics
The worst I can find
He'll have to sit and read them all
And I'll monitor his mind

Now keep in mind Erik can't control
where the fanfics begin or end
He traded in that special right
To get his stranded friends
(Passenger Roll Call!!)
Delano! (Pan left!)
Aeshana! (Cover yourself!)
Kylia! (What a cool gal.)
Danieeeeeeella! (That's one 'e'!)

If you're wondering how Erik eats and breathes
And other science facts
Just repeat to yourself 'It's just a show; I should really just relax'
And watch Mystery Fanfic Theater 3000!

(Camera backs through that tunnel)
OLIVIA (watching a video of a wrestling match she was in):	"Damn, what was I 
		thinking when I went with that angle?"
KARTMAN:	"Eh..."
OLIVIA:	"Don't answer that.  Boy, those chair shots hurt as bad as they 	
		look."
KARTMAN:	"You're pretty damn hot in that one."
OLIVIA:	"You think?"
KARTMAN:	"Actually, to be serious for a minute, I've always been interested 
		in an older woman."
OLIVIA (blushes slightly):	"You really are?"
KARTMAN:	"Yeah, and I-"
DANIELLA (jumps out from behind the table):	"Aha!  Caught both of you!"
OLIVIA:	"What the hell...!"
KYLIA:	"So you two really do like each other!"
OLIVIA (sweatdrop):	"W-well, it's not quite like that, now, Kylia."
KARTMAN:	"Let's try again later."
OLIVIA:	"Any romantic opportunity I get is interrupted like this!  Last time 
		it was Head, then Mr. Socko comes in.  Kartman, let's lock up the 
		room next time we talk like this." (Mutters an unintelligible string 
		of profanities)
KARTMAN:	"Yeah..." (Same as Olivia)
DANIELLA & KYLIA:	(high-five each other and start laughing)
OLIVIA (whispering to Kartman):	"I'm gonna have to kick Madame Rustalot's 
		ass later."
ERIK (arrives):	"Hello again, everyone, I'm Erik and welcome to the Satellite 
		of Love, and-"
DANIELLA:	"Hey, Erik, you shoulda seen it!  We caught Kartman and Olivia and 
they were about to make out!"
OLIVIA:	"That's not true, dammit!"
KYLIA:	"Yeah, you're so hot for him."
OLIVIA:	"Alright, maybe I do go for a younger man, but-"
KYLIA & DANIELLA:	"Olivia loves Kartman!  Olivia loves Kartman!"
OLIVIA:	"That's it!" (Jumps Kylia)
KYLIA & OLIVIA:	(start fighting)
ERIK:		"Hang on, you two.  Alright, everyone.  Last week Kartman and Olivia 
		were sent up to stay with us until Celina could find this certain 
		fanfic.  And, well...now Kylia and Olivia are fighting."
OLIVIA:	"Kartman was talking to me about the kind of woman he likes, and 	
		then Kylia and Daniella come in!" (Gets punched by Kylia) "That's 
		it!!"
KARTMAN (equips his staff):	"Don't make me break this staff off in yo' ass!"
KYLIA:	"What's it!!!?"
OLIVIA:	"This!" (Hits her Air Stamp Signature move on Kylia, through a 
table)
KYLIA (tiny voice):	"............Ouch........."
OLIVIA:	"Sorry I had to do that, Erik."
ERIK:		"........."
OLIVIA:	"It's just that it really pisses me off when I'm sharing some time 
with someone I like and it gets interrupted like just now."
KARTMAN:	"But putting Kylia through a table?"
OLIVIA:	"Like I said, I was pissed off."
ERIK:		"Let's worry about it later."
DANIELLA:	"Yeah, Janet Reno is calling."
--
CELINA:	"So, fighting amongst yourselves already?  I had that thought when I 
sent Kartman and Olivia up there."
BIRNAM:	"Why did you send them up there anyway?"
CELINA:	"You idiot!  Remember, it's to guide those degenerates through any 
		lemon fics I decide to use!"
--
ERIK:		"You mean that the next one will be a lemon, too?"
--
CELINA (Holding a hypodermic syringe):	"Since I've researched more into the 
lemon fic, I haven't had time for this week's Invention Exchange."
--
ERIK:		"Good, since I really don't care for it anyway."
--
CELINA:	"Hold on a sec." (Injects Birnam with a blue glowing liquid.)
BIRNAM:	"Ow!  What was that for!!!?"
CELINA:	"In about ten seconds, you'll know.  Anyway, Erik, your experiment 
		this week is called 'A Sample to Remember'.  And after seeing that 
		snafus on board the satellite, I hope it goes down hard!  Enjoy!"
BIRNAM (Monotone):	"I...want...Hamburger...Helper..."  
CELINA:	"Heh, didn't exactly work, but maybe they'll sell more Hamburger 	
		Helper now!"
BIRNAM:	"...Can...you...provide...me...with...Hamburger...Helper...Celina?"
CELINA:	"Why, yes!  Birnam, you'll get all the Hamburger Helper you want 
later this evening for dinner!"
--
ERIK:		"Now I don't see the point of that experiment in the slightest bit!"
DANIELLA:	"Looks like we got another lemon on our hands."
(Alarm sounds)
DANIELLA:	"Fanfic Sign!!!"
KYLIA:	"Ow...I'll...join you guys later..."
(They, except Kylia, stumble into the theater.)

>I-don't-want-to-get-sued-Disclaimer:  

KARTMAN:	"I was planning on suing him anyway.  How 'bout the rest of you?"
ERIK:		"Yeah."
DANIELLA:	"Me too."
OLIVIA:	"Ditto."

>Tenchi Muyo and its characters are the
>property of AIC and Pioneer.

OLIVIA:	"Who may or may not sue anyway."

>ATTENTION: This is a Lemon!

KARTMAN:	"You've been warned."
OLIVIA:	"Yeah, a character named Attention is warning us!"
ERIK:		"Yeah, when did he join?"
DANIELLA:	"Hey, Mr. Attention, right here!" (points to the seat next to her)

>This means that the story contains sexually explicit scenes and is not suitable
>for you readers.

KARTMAN:	"Then what are we doing here?  Let's go and order some pizza!"
ERIK:		"Yeah!"
DANIELLA:	"Barf bags are in the seatbacks in front of you."
OLIVIA:	"There are no seatbacks in front of us."
DANIELLA:	"Then we're all screwed."

> Unless you are of legal age to view such material (18 in most
>cases), leave now.

ERIK:		"I guess this is the exception."
DANIELLA:	(sweatdrop)

>Notes:
>This story takes place in the OAV storyline.
>Email the author at: ecchihalf@yahoo.com

KARTMAN:	"I'm noting this.  Meticulously taking notes."
OLIVIA:	"At least it follows Tenchi Universe."
ERIK:		"Like it'll make a difference."
KYLIA (joining):	"Ah...did I miss anything?"
DANIELLA:	"Nah."

>				     -------
>				====[ BEGIN ]====
>				     -------

ERIK:		"Hey, we got 'Begin' Sign!"

>				   Ecchi  Half
>				    
>				    presents:
>				     
>				     	-
>				     
>			       A Sample to Remember

OLIVIA:	"It took one-third of a page to show the title."
KARTMAN:	"It's the story of Monica's dress!"
DANIELLA:	"If that's his Ecchi Half, then what's his other half like?"
ALL:		(groan)

>					-

DANIELLA:	"Poor hyphen, all alone out there."

>The smooth green carpet of grass seemed to stretch into infinity where it would
>merge with the soft bright blue sky.  

KARTMAN:	"So the sky is a tangible solid object?"

>The only thing to break the illusion of a
>peaceful landscape untouched by civilization, was some seemingly random barely
>audible 'blibs'.  

KARTMAN:	"Um, Officer, we have several blibs on radar."

>That and the short red-haired genius sitting on a floating
>cushion,  

DANIELLA:	"Well, at least they have the most advanced chairs in the universe."
OLIVIA:	"Yeah, but I can't hit people with 'em!"
KARTMAN:	"Can't get disqualified either."
OLIVIA:	(sweatdrop)

>typing away at a semi-transparent keyboard.
>After a while in deep concentration, Washu raised her eyes from the read-outs 
>on her screen and cried out in triumph:

DANIELLA:	"I found a way out of this fic!!"

"Yatta! I really am the Greatest Scientific Genius in the Universe."

ALL:		"Yay."

>The self-proclaimed genius glanced down at her work again, with no small
>satisfaction.  

ERIK:		"It was pure chewing satisfaction."

>It was a small masu information unit. The idea of transferring
>information and innate abilities to Ryo-Ohki or Ryoko with masu had entered her
>mind when Ryo-Ohki had assimilated a rogue unit and subsequently gained a
>hummanoid form.

KARTMAN:	"Then Tenchi had to go and wrestle it."
ERIK:		"Way to riff 'Guretsu Muyo', Kartman."
OLIVIA:	"He's such a jobber."
DANIELLA:	"Hey!  Maybe we'll see Ryo-ohki sing and dance again!"
KYLIA:	"If only we were that lucky."
ALL:		(sing Ryo-ohki's 'song' from the first OAV, Epis.13)

> By now she had reseached the matter further, and devised a
>system for 'programming' masu with 'upgrades'  

KARTMAN:	"You mean like new forms?"

>to an existing masu based sentient.
>
>The masu currently diplayed on the screen in all 271/2 dimensions contained an
>improvement to a masu based sentient very dear to Washu; her daughter.  

ERIK:		"Time for Ryoko 2.0!"
KYLIA:	"Faster downloading time and easier access!"

Even if said daughter had a hard time admitting to that title from time to time. 
The improvement in question was something Washu knew Ryoko would welcome.  

KYLIA:	"Ryoko 2.0-now 55% less horny!"

>It was a step closer to humanity for her; a step closer to Tenchi.
>It was in all artistic simplicity and quite literally 'a sense of taste'.

OLIVIA:	"It's actually a replacement, you see, when Mayuka went nuts and lit 
all the fireworks, a bottle rocket shot straight up Ryoko's nose!"
DANIELLA:	"You mean she can't taste anything, I mean Sasami's effort all went 
to waste?"
KARTMAN:	"Nah, rather Sasami's cooking, to her, tastes like polystyrene 
packaging media."
DANIELLA:	"Zuhh???"
KARTMAN:	"Styrofoam peanuts."

>From their link, Washu was well aware that the differences between Ryoko and 
>the rest of the household bothered her daughter. Ryoko would try to hide the
>differences, eating and sleeping even though her body never needed to do so.

OLIVIA:	"The things she does to be part of the 'in' crowd."

>With her latest invention, Ryoko would at least be able to taste food. She 
>could finally compliment Sasami on her wonderful meals in good concience.  

KYLIA (as Ryoko, drunk):	"G, good stuff!"
DANIELLA (Sasami):	"Eeeew!"

>Not to mention all the other every-day occurences where it would make Ryoko 
>feel a little more human. Washuu actually laughed a bit at the thought of Ryoko
>suddenly tasting some of all the sake she used to drink.

OLIVIA:	"Hey, no need for A.A.!"
ERIK:		"Oh, god, what if she likes it?"
OLIVIA:	"Well, then, no need for a liver."

>The masu unit had been easy enough to create. Washu already had made fully
>functional masu taste buds before.

KARTMAN:	"And they're available on eBay for only $7,000...starting bid!"

>A successful set had always been a part of
>Ryo-Ohki. Successful apart from a little bug mapping the taste of certain
>Earth-based vegetables directly to Ryo-Ohki's pleasure centers  

ERIK:		"But we like that quality in Ryo-ohki!"
KARTMAN & OLIVIA:	"Carrots!  Carrots!  Carrots!"
DANIELLA:	"But remember, it's because Jurian vegetables are so high in fiber!  
They'd just shoot out the other end like a cannon the moment you swallow them!"
KARTMAN:	(laughing)
DANIELLA:	"I remember, you wrote in Sasami cooking some up back in WWF 
Blackballed."
ERIK:		"How 'bout not riffing other fics, please."

>(Washu never actually figured out how Mihoshi was able to meddle with her 
>inventions even before they met). In the new modified version for Ryoko, Washu 
>had removed the bug.  

KYLIA:	"But Ryoko is no longer fun!"

>She actually laughed out loud at the mental image of Ryoko going through a 
>months carrot harvest with Ryo-Ohki.

DANIELLA:	"Ryoko becomes high in beta carotene!"

>Collecting herself she let her eyes continue in the data collected on the
>screen. She smiled at the thought of the other modification.

OLIVIA:	"Yeah, but do they need to be bigger?"
ERIK:		"Well, there's always a need for fan service."
OLIVIA:	"Whoopty-shit."

>As a scientist she
>could not resist adding a small analytical part to the improvement. Ryoko's new
>sense of taste would be delicate enough to isolate every chemical component  

KARTMAN:	"3 parts nitrogen, 2 parts carbon, 2 parts, hydrogen...4 
parts...farfugnugen?  Why?"

>and gather data the keenest minds in the Galaxy could not hope to obtain with 
>their own equipment. All on a subconcious level of couse; it wouldn't do for 
>Ryoko to contemplate the molecular structure of everything she ate.  

OLIVIA:	"But just what is aluminum zirconium tetrachlorohydrex gly for 
anyway?"
DANIELLA (singing):	"Hydrogen, helium, lithium, beryllium, boron, carbon, 
nitrogen, oxygen, fluorine, neon, sodium, magnesium, aluminum, silicon, 
phosphorus, sulfur..."
ERIK:		"Alright, enough of the chemical elements."
KARTMAN:	"Um...Ryoko, you're eating the deodorant again."
OLIVIA:	"But what is tetrachloro--...oops...Hey, alpine fresh!"

>That certainly wouldn't make her feel more human.
>
>Reaching the end of the data-block, Washu concluded what she already knew: it
>was perfect! It would make a nice present for Ryoko's impending rebirthday.

ALL:		"Happy rebirthday to you, happy rebirthday to you..."

>Rebirthday was actually a phrase Sasami came up with. After celebrating 
>Tenchi's birthday, Sasami had asked Ryoko when her birthday was. This had of 
>course brought up some rather discomforting memories for Ryoko.  

KYLIA:	"Like the time when Mihoshi accidentally put firecrackers on the 
cake instead of candles."
DANIELLA:	"Or when they used the funny joke relighting candles."
KARTMAN:	"Or when Ayeka gave her the birthday spankings."

>In the end she had answered that she didn't remember. Sasami had proceeded with 
>the idea of giving her another birthday, in order to cheer her up. The other 
>birthday beeing a more happy recent event;  

ERIK:		"The day she finally got in Tenchi's pants!"
DANIELLA:	".........Lead, bismuth, polonium, astatine and radon; francium and 
radium, actinium and thorium, um......uh...oh, yeah, protactinium, uranium, 
neptunium, plutonium..."
KYLIA:	"That's it!  Plutonium!"
DANIELLA:	"What about it?"
KYLIA:	"If I had some plutonium, then I'd build a bomb and nuke the f**k 
out of this fic!"

>the day Tenchi finally gave her freedom. The day she was practically 'reborn'.

KYLIA (singing):	"The day Tenchi almost died!"
DANIELLA:	"Ooh...drop dead!"

>Since then the household would celebrate Ryoko's (and Ryo-Ohki's) re-birthday 
>as any other birthday.

KARTMAN:	"But with twice the presents...Olivia, can we celebrate my birthday 
twice?"
OLIVIA:	"No."

>Washu typed the order to have a 'blank' masu imprented with the finished
>taste-module. She allowed herself a moment of mentally patting her back and
>congratulating herself:
>
>"Nothing is impossible for the Greatest Scientific Genius in the Universe."

OLIVIA:	"Isn't that what the chibi-puppets are for?"
KARTMAN:	"Alright!"
OLIVIA (Puppet A):	"WASHU!  WASHU!  YOU'RE THE ONE!!!"
KARTMAN (Puppet B):	"GO!  GO!  GO PROBE TENCHI FOR FUN!"

>Well, almost nothing. Despite her every attempt, one critical sample had eluded
>her for more than a year now.  

ERIK:		"Hell's bells..."
OLIVIA:	"Here comes the hot, steamy, wet, sticky-"
KARTMAN:	"Oh, my god, you're enjoying it!"

>If she continued to fail she would probably have
>to build something to convince herself how grat she was. Maybe some chibi-Washu
>dolls to announce my talent from my shoulders? She discarded the thought, idly
>wondering where it came from.

OLIVIA:	"I had some good flatulence jokes, too!"
KARTMAN:	"Alright!"
OLIVIA (Terrance):	"Hey, Phillip!  What do you call a good product of a 
chemistry experiment!?"
KARTMAN (Phillip):	"I don't know, Terrance, what is it!?"
OLIVIA (Terrance):	(Makes a fart sound)
KARTMAN & OLIVIA:	(laugh out loud)

>Back to the problem at hand, she continued with a scientific analysis of the
>problem.

KARTMAN:	"Use the scientific method!"

>After sitting in deep thought for awhile, a new idea popped up. A playful grin
>spread on her lips. "Just you wait Tenchi, I'll get that sample yet..."

KYLIA:	"Eeeew!"

>--- * ---

KARTMAN:	"Hey, a diamond necklace!"
OLIVIA:	"How nice!"

>A couple of days passed with Washu rarely seen outside her lab.  

ERIK:		"A couple normal days, I can safely assume."

>When she did come out, it was to eat or take readings with strange devices.  

DANIELLA:	"But what does gauging the amount of space in a cubic foot of air 
prove?"
OLIVIA:	"That you screwed that joke up."

>All  
>the time she would have a knowing grin on her face, and refuse to hint at what 
>she was doing.   

KYLIA (Washu, evil voice):	"Then I will rule the world, Hahahahahahahaha!!!!"

>Tenchi was pretty sure that it had to do with Ryoko's rebirthday, but still he 
>couldn't help feeling nervous when Washu was around. He swore she even took a 
>few unnecessary readings of him just to unnerve him.  

OLIVIA (Washu):	"Turn your head and cough."
KARTMAN (Tenchi):	(coughs)
OLIVIA:	"Now bend over."
KARTMAN:	"You're freaking me out, little Oli- I mean little Washu."

>Whatever the reason was, there was no stopping Washu, and Tenchi instead made a 
>point of going to the fields more often.

ERIK:		"Good idea...Can we go in the fields, too?"

>For the others in the household, life was not much out of the usual. Besides
>preparing for the party, that is. Since Ryoko's rebirthday had previously been
>celebrated as the anniversary of the day it all began,  

KYLIA (Singing):	"The day Tenchi almost died."

>it was tradition to have
>a sizable party comparable to the Christmas parties held every year.  

DANIELLA:	"Or Summer Startica."

>And this
>year promised to be no different. Sasami had been busy in the kitchen for days
>prior to the event, cooking up a storm. Mihoshi had (under careful but subtle
>supervision) produced decorations for the party.  

KARTMAN:	"But then as she made the confetti, she somehow blew up the house.  
The end."

>Noboyuki had been fetching
>supplies in the familiy van, and Ayeka had helped wherever needed.  

KARTMAN:	"Sort of the equivalent of the movie theater broom-and-scoop 
jabroni."
ERIK:		"Yeah, Kartman, you'd know ALL about being a B.S. Jabroni."
OLIVIA:	"She's one of 'Those Who Hunt Tasks'!"

>Tenchi had
>even managed to secure a sizable carrot supply from the fields in the spare 
>time
>his studies left him.  

KYLIA:	"Well, at least it was average after you count the taxes, Ryo-ohki's 
raids on the fields, locusts, and other detrimental factors."

>Ryoko and Ryo-Ohki had even been helping out, ensuring a substantial supply of
>Sake and taste-testing the sizable carrot supply (respectively).

OLIVIA:	"Points for being in character there!"

>It seemed that the day would turn out quite allright. Even to Ryoko who had her
>share of doubts about the whole thing.  

ERIK:		"Apparently, she anticipated her first taste of beer."
KARTMAN:	"The other white foam."
KYLIA:	"A real alcoholic beverage!"


>It was quite a bit of attention, and she
>couldn't help a small nagging feeling that they did it out of pity for her,
>because of her past. But even then, it would still be a party as it had been 
>the
>years before, only with some people congratulating her and maybe giving her
>presents. She smiled a bit at the thought of what she wished of Tenchi.  

OLIVIA:	"Hmm...I wonder what that could be?"
DANIELLA:	"What does she want from him?"
OLIVIA:	"Well...it rhymes with...uh...it rhymes with.........latex."
DANIELLA:	"She wants Sominex?"

>When she
>had whispered it to him, he had turned this nice shade of red.

KARTMAN (Tenchi):	"You want me to whaaaaa!!!?"

>--- * ---

OLIVIA:	"A stick figure in the middle of an intersection on a two lane 
road!"
KARTMAN:	"No, no, no, it's a bug with a leg ripped off, walking on a stitch 
line."

>The pale full moon gave the landscape an eerie dull illumination, making it's
>reflections in the calm lake waters. Ryoko sat by the lake side, idly pondering
>the events of the day.  

KYLIA (Ryoko):	"5,022 birthday spankings...Ayeka must've had a good time...my 
ass hurts, I think I got the 'roids."
DANIELLA:	"Prep-H!"

>She had been right in her prediction. She had been given
>a few presents, but once the party was under way, it was not much different 
>from
>the previous year. At least not to the others.

DANIELLA:	"Mihoshi used M-80s instead of candles, though."
KARTMAN:	"Yeah, it's the only bangin' going on in that house, that's for 
sure."

>Washu's gift had been quite a surprise. And a welcome one at that. Ryoko had
>wanted to fit in with her new family for as long as she had them, but her 
>unique
>physiology had made that hard at times. She was now a bit more human. A bit 
>more
>like the others.

>She had been overwhelmed by this new world of taste.  

ERIK:		"At least now, she can't make up a dumb excuse for garlic breath."

>It was like she had missed
>an entire dimension for all of her life. For the first time ever she was able 
>to
>taste Sasami's famous food and give a sincere compliment.  

KARTMAN:	"Sasami should get her own cooking show."
OLIVIA:	"Little Iron Chef...I like the idea."

>She had also tasted
>sake for the first time. It had been quite a surprise to her, and quite a laugh
>to the others. Perhaps that was why she was sitting by the lake now, only
>slightly tipsy.

OLIVIA:	"The market for sake is like, so totally screwed!"

>Looking wistfully out over the lake, Ryoko registered a person taking the place
>next to her. Her sharpened senses told her it was Tenchi. His voice confirmed
>that a moment later.
>
>"How was your day?"
>
>"Fine I guess."
>
>"Guess?"
>
>"Well..it is just so..."
>
>"Overwhelming?"
>
>"Yes...I never imagined what tasting would be like."
>
>Tenchi chuckled a bit at that.
>
>"Hey! How was I to know that sake would be so..."
>

KARTMAN (Tenchi):	"Maybe you got some that was skunky.  Should've checked the 
freshness date on it."

>"Sorry. I know what you mean. I still remember the first time dad had me try
>it."
>
>...
>
>"Actually I think Washu put something in my glass."
>
>"Why?"
>
>"It just tasted...differently..and I have this feeling..."
>
>"Are you drunk? Think she spiked your drink?"
>
>"No not that. Well, maybe I had a little. No it is a different feeling..."
>
KARTMAN:	"I'm kinda freaked out here."
OLIVIA:	"Yeah, none of us has said much for a good length of the fic."
KARTMAN:	"No, it's...real dialogue!"

>They both sat in silence for a while. Ryoko realized that they had joined hands
>at some time.
>Again it was Tenchi who finally broke the silence.

KARTMAN (Tenchi):	"Y-you're...crushing my hand...Ry......oko...!!!"
OLIVIA:	(makes a cracking noise)

>"Sometimes I wonder what it is like for you. To have lived for millenia. To 
>fly,
>teleport and walk through walls. To be connected mind to mind with another..."

KYLIA:	"Actually, it's pretty fun."
ERIK:		"Wow, I'm impressed...he said millennia, not millenniums."
KYLIA:	"And...?"
ERIK:		"Well, it's one of those -ium words that...never mind."

>Ryoko sighed and tilted her head to the right, resting it on Tenchi's shoulder.
>
>"Sometimes I wonder what it is like to be human. To be normal without powers.
>Living in ignorance of the rest of the universe..."

ERIK:		"Are you calling me ignorant?"
OLIVIA:	"You know, guys, I'm starting to think Celina's gonna keep us up 
here for another fic."
KARTMAN:	"Yup.  This one just doesn't stink as badly as I thought."
KYLIA:	"Yeah, and where the hell's the lemon!?  Most authors would have 
gotten to that by now."

>"I used to wonder about that too, you know. Ever since I discovered who I am, I
>have been thinking about who I was. Who I was back when I was still normal..."
>
>"I think I like it better this way. I wouldn't want to change it if I could."
>
>"I know I like you better this way."
>
>At that statement Ryoko lifted her head, looking into the eyes of Tenchi. 
>Tenchi
>wondered a bit why he had suddenly said that. He felt it was the truth, but he
>had never voiced the thought before. He looked back into Ryoko's eyes, loosing
>himself in the golden orbs. As they looked deep into each others eyes,  

DANIELLA:	"Hey, Tenchi, I can see your retinas!"
KARTMAN:	"I can see yours too, Ryoko!"

>they
>seemed to wordlessly communicate, opening up for feelings and emotions. Slowly
>their heads moved closer, until their lips met and time seemed to freeze.
>
>--- * ---

ERIK:		"It's illustrated!"
KYLIA:	"And that's what it looked like right there."

>Neither Tenchi nor Ryoko knew how much time had passed. Ryoko seemed consent
>with kissing and cuddling. Tenchi had half expected her to jump directly to sex
>after he told her that he loved her.  

KARTMAN:	"Now Ryoko's starting to drift out of character."
OLIVIA:	"Yeah, I'd expect that she'd be riding him like a..."
ERIK:		"We get the idea."

>In fact some base part of him was
>dissapointed that she hadn't, but Tenchi quickly silenced that part.  

KARTMAN:	"Shut up, horny teenager psychiatric element of mine!"
KYLIA:	"Wha...?"

>Even so, he
>found himself asking if she wanted to go someplace more comfortable. It was
>really an innocent question; the cold, hard ground was uncomfortable to sit on
>for extended periods of time.  

OLIVIA:	"And it gives you big swollen 'roids!"

>However even as he said it, he noticed the
>not-so-subtle hint he had made.  

ERIK:		"Sounds like he said 'Hey, Ryoko, let's have wild, sloppy sex in the 
closet!'"

>Apparently so did Ryoko. Her expression of happy
>surprise quickly melded into a more mischievous look as she purred "Sure".

OLIVIA:	(laughs maniacally)

>Maybe because he anticipated it, the sudden change of surroundings didn't
>startle him. He hadn't really meant to imply that they should move to his
>bedroom. Not that he minded the change. He leaned into Ryoko's kiss and wrapped
>his arms around her.
>
>Ryoko had given up sorting out why this was finally happening. She was pretty
>sure it was not a dream, but she still had a hard time believing that her 
>dreams
>were comming true. She almost literally melted when Tenchi brought his arms
>around her and deepened the kiss.  

DANIELLA:	"You see, the melting point of a Ryoko is 314 Kelvin...the boiling 
point is 596 Kelvin."

>Not one to be bested, she responded in kind by
>adding tongue to the kiss.

KYLIA:	"Blend in two pairs of lips, generously add tongue..."
OLIVIA:	"I'm anticipating her sticking her tongue in his ear, and then it 
comes out the other one."
KARTMAN:	(laughing his ass off at the tongue-through-head mental image)

>They went on like that for a few minutes before Tenchi pulled back to regain 
>his
>breath. Staring into his eyes, she started to pull his shirt up. Pulling it 
>over
>his head, her arms was raised high when he brought his own hands into play,
>slowly pulling her red tank-top up. She shivered slightly by the feel of the
>fabric sliding over her bare breasts and nipples.

OLIVIA:	"Ah, the lemon elements are taking shape!"
KARTMAN:	"Hehehehe...you said 'taking shape'."

>As Tenchi got her top off, Ryoko's nipples were showing her ample excitement.

KYLIA:	"One produces skim, the other whole."
KARTMAN:	"That's convenient-Kylia, that's disgusting!!!"
KYLIA:	(snickering)

>Slowly almost hesitating, Tenchi reached out and cupped a breast in each hand,

OLIVIA:	"Precisely and meticulously measuring them."
KARTMAN (Tenchi):	"Yup, 44D...the other one...it's the same."

>sending even more shivers of pleasure through Ryoko's spine. Repaying the
>favour, Ryoko's gentle fingers danced around Tenchis bare waist and the top of
>his pants, adding to his growing erection.  

KYLIA:	"Just add water and Miracle-Gro, and you'll have a healthy and well-
nourished erection in no time...right, Erik?"
ERIK:		(sweatdrop)
OLIVIA:	"Here, I'll have you read Kartman's lemon fic with you two...once 
this fic ends."

>With grace, her fingers undid the
>binding of his pats,  

DANIELLA:	"Alright, Olivia, this goes against your typo rule, but just how 
does one wear 'pats'?"
OLIVIA:	"I don't know...I kinda forgot that rule, this fic's typos number 
fewer than usual."

>and they slipped to the ground around his feet, exposing
>his tent-shaped boxers. Tracing a finger along the elastic top of the boxer
>shorts, Ryoko slowly edged them down, eventually releasing Tenchi's manhood.

OLIVIA:	"BOING!!!!!"

>As the boxers joined his pants around his ankles, Tenchi absently kicked both
>articles of clothing away, his mind concentrating on Ryoko. She had lowered
>herself to her knees, bringing Tenchi's erect pillar  

KYLIA:	"Sounds like the damn thing's fifty feet tall!"
KARTMAN & OLIVIA:	(holding their mouths, fighting back vomit)

>in height with her eyes.
>She stared at it captivated, playing idly with it using her right hand.  

ERIK:		"She learned to play 'Baa Baa Black Sheep' on it!"
KARTMAN:	"Thanks a lot for that image!!" (joins Olivia in spewing chunks all 
over the floor)

>Tenchi
>could only watch stunned as Ryoko gazed at his cock with an entranced look in
>her feline eyes.  

KYLIA:	"It's hypnotic."
ERIK:		"Look into my enchanted testicles!"
KARTMAN & OLIVIA:	(Recovering)

>Slowly her head moved forwards, until the point where her lips
>brushed his head. With a moan from Tenchi, Ryoko slipped his cock into her
>mouth.

KARTMAN (Al Snow):	"What does everybody want!!?"
OLIVIA:	"HEAD!!!!"

>Ryoko cast her gaze upwards, to where Tenchi had his eyes closed in intense
>pleasure. She could feel the heat and throbbing of his member in her mouth. She
>concentrated on the feeling, as her tounge explored him, absently registering
>the taste associated with the piece filling her mouth.
>
>Tenchi was in heaven. Sure he had masturbated before,  

ERIK:		"That's out of character."
KARTMAN (Tenchi):	"Hey, Ryoko, do you give hand jobs?"

>but nothing had felt like
>this. The heat from Ryoko's mouth engulfing his dick, coating it with her
>salvia. It was indescribable.  

KARTMAN:	"I can describe it.  Look." (Makes a tranced face, with his eyes 
rolled back in weird angles)
OLIVIA:	"Don't jizz all over us."

>He opened his eyes as she slowly drew back,
>removing him from the hot moist cave of her mouth. As his head slipped outside
>he noticed the bridge of salvia forming between his head and her lips.

KYLIA:	"Burn that bridge."

>Sticking out her tongue, Ryoko licked his wettened tip before pulling the
>pulsating piece back in her mouth, delighted by the increasing moans from
>Tenchi.  

KARTMAN:	"What does everybody need!!?"
OLIVIA:	"HEAD!!!!"

>Again she let her tongue explore the texture of his cock while deeply
>engulfed in her mouth, brining more moans and gasps from him. Bringing her hand
>into play, she gently massaged his balls while keeping up her sucking/licking
>job.  

ERIK (Tom Green, singing):	"Rub your balls...feel your balls......"
KYLIA:	"Actually, that's a pretty suspenseful scene.  You don't know if 
she's gonna mess up and flick one of 'em."
KARTMAN:	"Ow!"

>From the member in her mouth, she could feel his pulse quicken, and the
>gasps quicken. She heard his half spoken warning, but ignored it. She wanted 
>him
>to come now, and it would in no way mean their fun was over.

KARTMAN (Tenchi):	"She wants a quickie, I'll give it to her!"

>Tenchi found himself becomming lost in the sensations overwhelming him from his
>groin region. While not experienced, Ryoko's actions were *very* pleasurable,
>and he felt a pressure starting to build.  

OLIVIA:	"Dangling participle."
KARTMAN:	"Still dangling over here."

>Through the haze of pleasure he was
>able to mumble a word of warning,  

ERIK:		"He's gonna blow!!!!!"
KARTMAN:	"That was horribly timed, Erik."

>but it only seemed to increase Ryoko's fervor.
>Her hand now messaging his balls, it was not long time before he was driven 
>over
>the edge. With a last moan he threw his head back and blew his load in her
>mouth.

KYLIA:	"BOOM!!!"
DANIELLA:	"Ryoko pulled back while on the bed, while visions of fire hoses 
danced in our heads."
KARTMAN/OLIVIA:	(shudder)

>Ryoko felt Tenchi's muscles tightening, and something hot and fluid was 
>expelled
>on her tongue. Again and agin his muscles contracted, splaying more of the
>sticky fluid over the inside of her mouth. With her added sense of taste, she
>picked up the salty flavour  

KARTMAN:	"The author's British, I assume."

>of the hot cream flowing in her mouth. Unbeknownst
>to Ryoko, the analytical component of her taste-buds was actively analyzing the
>structure and composition of the semen filling her mouth, sending all relevant
>data to Washu  

KYLIA:	"Type: Ball Park...Receiving payload...Analyzing...Sperm 
count...zero."

>through their link. Oblivious to this Ryoko simply savoured the
>salty taste of the sticky white seed coating her tongue, as Tenchi's orgasm
>ebbed out. Looking upwards she noticed Tenchi staring at her with a grateful 
>and
>satisfied expression. Still having his softened cock in her mouth, she 
>swallowed
>his sperm with an audible gulp.  

DANIELLA:	"Why would you do that with a wiener?"

>Sensing the still hot salty glob slide down her
>throat. she let out a contended sigh and contiued to clean him with her tongue.

ALL:		(laughing)

>--- * ---

ERIK:		"Okay, what's this one?"
OLIVIA:	"It's a...Hangman puzzle!"
KARTMAN:	"Two three-letter words."
OLIVIA:	"It says, 'The End'!"

>In the depth of her lab, in one of the peaceful grasslands, the tranquility was
>interrupted by a diminutive figure doing a victory dance around her floating
>cushion. On holoscreens floating in a semicircle in front of her, the data from
>Tenchi's final sample was beeing processed by five planets worth of advanced
>hardware.  

KYLIA:	"Five planets worth of equipment to analyze a little 'salty glob'."

>The data subconciously collected by Ryoko slowly combined with Washu's
>own database, filling in gaps in the Great Puzzle.
>
>Washu shivered slightly from the overwhelming feelings of happyness,
>satisfaction and contentment flowing in from her link with Ryoko. She smiled.

KARTMAN:	"This fic's turning into 'Connections' all of a sudden!"

>"Looks like we both got what we wanted, ne Ryoko-chan? Talk about killing two
>Zthargs with one Pulse-cannon."

DANIELLA:	"Another cute little pun!"
OLIVIA:	"That's not a pun, it's an adapted idiom."

>Of course Washu could never mention this to her daughter. After this, Ryoko and
>Tenchi should happily have forgotten that she 'spiced' Tenchi's drink a bit.
>Actually the addition to his drink would only act to lower his inhibitions, 
>much the same way that alcohol does.  

KARTMAN:	"The date rape pill."

>It did not contain anything that would make them
>do something against their will. It merely speeded up the process a little.

ERIK:		"Blew another one, Kartman."

>Oh and there was another little addition. Something not entirely unlike the
>Earth-native product 'Viagra'.

OLIVIA:	"The Quicker Pecker Upper."

>"Yes", Washuu thought, "Tenchi should be quite capable of showing Ryoko a good
>time tonight."
>With a smirk she added: "Several good times in fact. Urd couldn't have made a
>better potion herself."

OLIVIA (Ryoko):	"Aaah...three times!!??"
KARTMAN (Tenchi/Ace Ventura)	"I'm sorry......That's never happened to me 
before.  I must be really tired.  ............Okay, one more."

>--- * ---

ERIK:		"Cut the fic at this dotted line?"

>And Tenchi *did* show Ryoko a good time. Several actually; Missionary, Spoon,
>Doggy-style and a great deal of improvisation.

KYLIA:	"How do you improvise THAT?"
OLIVIA:	".........Uh...I think that's when Tenchi starts whackin' on the 
kitchen table and then Ryoko comes up and tickles his balls from behind."
KARTMAN:	"Um, what the hell are you talking about?  He's already done that!"

>It was several hours and a change of sheets later that a slightly sweaty Tenchi
>and slightly sticky Ryoko fell asleep in each others embrace.

KARTMAN:	"He stole that ending from 'The End of Their Wait'!"
OLIVIA:	"No he didn't.  What couple stops having sex to change the sheets on 
the bed?"

>				     -----
>				====[ END ]====
>				     -----

KYLIA:	"That was surprising.  I kinda expected the smoke afterward."

>So this is it. It all started as an idea for a slightly Limey spamfic about how
>Washu could obtain the famed sample indirectly. Somehow it ended as a full-
>blown
>(pun intended)  

OLIVIA:	"Then I don't need to puke."
KARTMAN:	"I don't have any left."

>Lemon, wich is perhaps a bit too cheesy some places, and a bit
>too explicit other places. That all stems from me being more of a hentai than a
>skilled writer (^_^)

DANIELLA:	"That's for sure."

>In any event I would still like your comments and suggestions.

ERIK:		"That's a project idea!"

>Email: ecchihalf@yahoo.com
>
>Hope you liked it.
>
>Ecchi Half

KARTMAN & OLIVIA(singing the last part of 'Those Who Hunt Elves' opening theme):
	"Don't you surrender!  Ecchi Half!"
(They all stumble out of the theater.)

-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*

OLIVIA:	"You guys, I don't think that one was that bad."
ERIK:		"Yeah, Is Celina losing her touch?"
DANIELLA:	"Maybe, but it seems kinda strange."
ERIK:		"How?"
DANIELLA:	"That one seems open to a sequel.  You see, Ryoko didn't know that 
Washu was gauging all the......you know...stuff they were doing, and you could 
only imagine what will happen if she does find out."
KYLIA:	"Yeah, things are gonna go downhill at the Masaki's, that's for 
sure!"
KARTMAN:	"Ryoko's gonna drink some sake and raise hell.  Then's she's gonna 
drink more sake and raise some more hell..."
DANIELLA:	"I'd like to see that, but B & S are calling."
--
CELINA:	"So, the five of you still appear sane."
--
OLIVIA:	"I think you missed again.  That one wasn't what I expected."
--
CELINA:	"I thought so too.  So, I think that I'm gonna keep the two of you 
on board for one more.  If this one fails, then I'll release you.  Otherwise, if 
it does work, then I'll still let you go like we planned."
--
KARTMAN:	"You'd better pay us for it!"
--
BIRNAM:	"You...still...hav...en't...pro...vid...ed...me...with...Ham...
bur...ger...Hel...per...Cel...i...na."
CELINA:	"As you can see, the effect from that compound I injected Birnam 
with earlier seems to have intensified.  I need to give him some Hamburger 
Helper and fast!" (pulls a nearby lever)
BIRNAM:	"Is...there...Ham...bur...ger...Hel...per...up...there?"
CELINA:	"Why, yes, yes there is!"
(Suddenly, a pallet containing about 3000 pounds of the cursed meal falls on 
Birnam.)
--
KYLIA:	"This gets weirder and weirder."
--
CELINA:	"So, with little else, I leave you." (pushes the button)


THE END, FINALLY!!!

Disclaimer:  If you at all lost a keyboard if you puked, I am not responsible!  
Have a nice day!!