The Midnight Double Feature I know I said I'd never be back but FF.net sucked the sweat off a dead man's balls... I have a feeling I lost a few readers with that line. For those who didn't hit the back button I hope you enjoy the MST. No one really knows how it started. Some say it was a group of geeks that had nothing better to do. While other say it's just any other government conspiracy to make the world a stupider place. Whatever it was "The Midnight Double Feature" or MDF adopted a "you write it, we show it" mentality. MDF showcases independent films by local artists with the help of the local college art and drama departments. It is often referred to as - Murder! Death! Film! It is notorious for drawing in a tough crowd. There are a few local writers and directors that have won local fame. Fan Fiction is shown on occasion, but it is more or less a joke. It often brings in decent crowds though most come just to screw around. James and Victoria have been going to MDF for a few months now and have made a name for themselves for being rather cruel and amusing. The main characters: James: When it comes to this lovable guy, one word is all that is needed to describe him, "prick". He sits slightly slumped in his chair with an overconfident smirk on his face. He's dressed in earthy tones and big black boots. There is a big 64oz. drink on his left armrest and a bag of gummy bears sitting in his lap. There is a laid back style to his wit. A sadist at heart, he's been known to help Bunny at times. Victoria: A sweet young thing with a heart of gold... and if you believe that I have some ocean front property I want to sell you. She sits low in her chair with her feet resting on the headrest of the set in front of her. She wears brightly colored clothes and has an eyebrow pierced. Her hair color seems to change every month. Vickie is just as loud as the clothes she wears and has been known to get the whole theater chanting something obscene. The minor characters Stu: A stoner who keeps the MDF rolling. Though out of it at times he does a decent job Alex: A local screenplay writer that has won local fame. With his charismatic personality he acts as the MC. Bunny: The bouncer of MDF. Though she doesn't look very threatening those who know her fear her. Well, my dear readers to make your reading experience easier and more enjoyable. I'll go over two things. First this truly is a double feature. The MST will focus on two works, first a regular piece of fan fiction followed by a lemon. I tend to stay away from the extremely explicit lemons and focus more on limes. The reasons for this are simple, I don't want to have to read a disgusting lemon, nor do I want to "fan the fires". By that I mean, I'm not going to give the authors the attention that they crave and get by writing disgusting fan fiction. Anyway, there will be a short intermission in between the two stories, so you don't get confused. Second unlike most MSTs, mine is set in a packed theater so when you see a line by "Theatergoer # (then a three digit number)" it's just a random person screaming something at the screen. Now on to the MST, Enjoy! *** * James and Vickie roll into the parking lot of the old theater were MDF is held. James's '78 Datson B210 sputters to a stop in the closest space James could find. The two get out and survey the large crowd in front of the theater. * Vickie: * eyeing the crowd * I have a bad feeling about tonight, there's been a rumor that the freaks of MDF been getting desperate for stories. James: * takes a sip from his 64 oz. * I won't be surprised, we drilled the last few short films. Vickie: It's not our fault that they sucked, we just enjoy restating the obvious. * Our two heros make there way past Bunny - who is currently trying to toss two uninvited guest out of the theater. * James: Well, Busy night Bunny? * casually side steps, sticks out his arm and clothes lines one of the rejects as they come flying towards him. * Bunny: Not really just blowing off some steam. * drop kicks the other reject. * * After a quick stop at the concession stand, they make their way to their seats and sit down.* Alex: * Walks on stage wearing a rain slicker and holding a riot shield. * Well, boys and girls, as you can see by the way I'm dressed, tonight is fan fiction night. * He takes a knee and tries to keep at least most of his body behind the shield, as everything from popcorn to half full beer cans are chucked at him. * Don't kill the messenger. Tonight we have two stories based on the Tenchi Muyo series, 'Morning Light, Dying Life' by The Entry Plug and 'No Need For an Exclamation Mark!' by Mark Doherty. Oh, and as always we don't own this series, nor do we want to. *As the lights dim in the theater a few of the theatergoers amuse themselves by playing "The Penis Game". (A childish game played in theaters. You can try it, start off by saying the word "penis" (thus the name) then the next person must say it louder, then the next kid must say it even louder and so on. The last kid that has the balls to scream the word "penis" wins. The truly scary thing is that I didn't make this game up, people really do play this.) * Disclaimer: I don't own Tenchi. Tenchi is owned by Pioneer LDC and AIC, and proper credit should be given to them for creating the Tenchi gang and everything that happened with them. Lately, I've begun to pull away from Tenchi fan fiction, but I've decided to write a couple little stories like this one, which are designed to be somewhat of an original and different twist on the ways certain characters think. I'd like to thank Beautiful Mirage, Beagle-san, and Zelgabunny for prereading this story. Thanks, guys. --- "Do not be afraid of those who can kill the body, but cannot kill the soul. Rather, be afraid of the One who can destroy both body and soul in hell." - Matthew 10:28 --- ********** MORNING LIGHT, DYING LIFE Haunted ********** James: Kind of sounds like Hemingway... if he suffered a massive stroke and started writing fan fiction. There are times where I think back to everything that has happened, and I just wonder. Was this a mistake? Vickie: By that do you mean this cheesy monologue? Then yes. Did I make some sort of fatal flaw in my attempt to do something right? I am a goddess. I am supposed to do things that are right. But somewhere along the way... I think I misjudged. I took what I considered to be right, and went ahead with it, without thinking or considering the consequences. That was a mistake. And now... now I can't take it back. Sasami... Was saving your life the right thing to do? James: How can you say that? Without Sasami we wouldn't have the Pretty Sammy series. * thinks for a second * You bitch! By rekindling the dying embers that was your life... did I do the right thing? Vickie: whose to say what is right or wrong in a universe inhabited by galactic princesses, mad scientists and dare I say it space pirates. * shudders * True, you must be happy. You must be so happy to be with those that you love. You must rejoice everyday in the memory that you are alive, and there is nothing for you to fear. But... Theatergoer #034: Fear it self. ...what about me? I saved you from death. The gentle hand of the mistress of death had taken yours, and had begun to guide you away. It was only by my influence did she let go of your hand and allow you to awaken into realms of light. Stu: * From off stage * Someone's been smokin' the good shit, maaaaan. It seemed right. It seemed that it was the right thing to do. James: * Doing a little self reflecting * How many time have I uttered that line just after waking up with a massive hangover, while laying next to Big Foot's ugly sister. I wanted the best for you. Because I loved you. So I saved you. I became you. I still don't think I did the right thing. I made *you* happy... but... ...what about me? Vickie: It's never about what WE want. Is my happiness to sit here, in the darkness of this ship, while another part of me runs free and is happy with those that she loves? While she forgets all about me? While by my sacrifice, I allowed a being that meant nothing to me to continue to exist, and I am the one that had to suffer from it? Is this what my happiness is supposed to be? Vickie: Damn males. James: I think we're straying a bit off topic. Vickie: Shut up. ...I think that... ...no. I still love you, Sasami. James: And what's not to love? Those freakishly huge pink eyes, that powder blue hair, that sunny prosaic esque deposition and the fact that she only eight years old but stays in the kitchen like all chickadees should. Vickie: * back hands James hard enough to give him a bloody nose, * What was that? I'm happy that you are happy. That makes me happy. James: * As he take out a handkerchief * You sure? ...No! Theatergoer #005: Who honestly didn't see that coming? Theatergoer #056: I Didn't ow! What was that for? Theatergoer #057: Because you my friend are frickin' retard! I can't lie! Not to you, who is myself! I'm not happy! How could I be happy? Vickie: Talk with Stu he's got connections. Living in absolute darkness at *your* beck and call, when I once had so much more? I am gone from everyone that I once loved, simply so I could watch you grow into *me*, so *I* could be forgotten? James: Before your little... for the lack of a better word "fusion" with Sasami You were a Tree living in what could best be described as a large vault. Did you ever stop to think, Sasami? Vickie: She's eight, you're gonna have to wait about four or five years before you can throw angst into the mix. Did you ever stop to think that maybe *I* am more frightened than you are about the day that we will become of one body and one mind? James: Oh, please that just sounded like a lyric from some bubble gum pop song. * A few theatergoers upon hearing this start to sing "I'm your cupcake baby" the latest from the Bull Weevil Boys. * You will lose yourself. That is your fear. You know that they will still love you, but you are afraid that they won't love you for being *you*. But what about me? Vickie: Well cry me river. They will love you for being you. *No one* has *ever* loved me, Sasami! James: Well, if you want we could play "innocent grocery clerk and naughty nuclear scientist". But I'm gonna need beer, lots and lots of beer. Now, not only will I not be loved, I will be *forgotten*! To be forgotten is *worse* than death! ...why am I so selfish? I'm... I'm a goddess... Theatergoer #042: There is only one true goddess and that's Vickie. Vickie: * Gets up and turns around to face #042. * okay that... that was really creepy. I shouldn't think like this. ...I'm incomplete. James: Aren't we all. Theatergoer #102: Ooooooh, that's deep man. James: Don't make me come up there! Theatergoer #102: Come on little man let's see what you got! James: * Turns to Vickie * accuse me for a moment * Jogs off * That is why. I am no longer simply a "goddess". I am also a flawed being known as "Sasami". That is where these thoughts are coming from. Fear. Selfishness. Anger. Vickie: Damn, and people say James is moody. James * In the distance * Here I am motherfucker! * The sound of a red ass beating echoes through the theater. * Theatergoer #102: Not the face! Not the fa... James: Well, look at this it seems that YOUR foot is not the one that got jammed in your mouth. * Shakes the poor bastard off and walks back to he's seat * Sasami... you gave me these... I gave you everything, Sasami! I gave you life! What is it that you have given me? James: Fear, selfishness and anger, I think. ...I... truly am... ...haunted. I am haunted by this girl. This girl named Sasami. Vickie: Did this kid study the William Shatner style of acting? She is me. She is the one that is alive. I am merely her reflection. One would think that it is *I* that haunts her... but even though it was *I* who came first... James: I thought it was the chicken. Vickie: No you idiot it was the egg. ...she was favored among everything. I am haunted. She is the light, and I am the darkness. She is the brilliance that breaks into the dawn every morning, bringing everyone their precious "Sasami", letting them experience her love, and love her back. I am merely the night. Alone. Awake. Yet exhausted I lie... I hate the morning light. I hate being haunted. I hate... Vickie: ...Student drivers. __________ end Author's Notes: Okay, okay. Before all of you Tsunami enthusiasts and Sasami fanboys come at me with rusty pitchforks and shit, listen. This was written just to see what it was like. Granted, this isn't *likely*, Vickie: Talk about an under statement. but who's to say it's not possible? Vickie: Think about it jackass, the series maybe a comedy and all, but the creators have something called "standards". Now I know this term might be new to you, but it really helps if you don't want people to think you're as lame as you truly are. So, the next time you write something, look it over because if it looks like crap and sounds like crap, then it probably is. I'm a firm supporter of the exploration of every possible angle with fan fiction. So I took the question "What if Tsunami hated Sasami?", and tried it out. After all, it's not like Tsunami EVER SAYS she loves Sasami, right? Anyways, I hope you liked this. If you didn't... well... them's the breaks, as they say. ^_^ Take care, everyone. Thanks for reading! Email: lateralus_metatron@hotmail.com The Entry Plug Alex: * enters stage left still wearing the rain slicker and still holding the riot shield. * Well now was that melodramatic. The laments of an anime goddess, what's next the laments of a cabbit * The only response for that joke was a blank stare followed by a storm of popcorn and other snack foods. After which Alex sticks his head out from behind the shield, which he's currently cowering behind. * Ha, ha * Poor Alex is nailed in the head with James's 64oz. drink.* Vickie: Hee, hee gotcha! * The crowd burst out in a roar of laughter, while James just sits there. * James: Damn it that was over half full. Alex: Well I never... Theatergoer #076: Gotten laid! Alex: Anyway! The next one's a Lime and a weak one at that. It'll be starting in about ten minutes. You guys got some time so why don't you get some refreshments that are conveniently located in the lobby. Theatergoer #088: and why don't you cram those shame promotions up your ass. Vickie: Hey James can I borrow a few bucks? James: Hell no. Vickie: Come on, At least enough for some popcorn. James: Uhhhhhhh... No! Vickie: Bastard! James: Nympho! * They both make there way to the concession stand and come back as the lights dim once more. James and Vicky slowly make their way back to their seats * James: * walks through the row of seats stepping on people's feet and "accidentally" kicking them in the shins. * First off I thought you didn't have any cash. Second, there's no way you can eat all that. Vickie: That freaky theatergoer (#042) loaned me some cash and half of this is just ammunition for when I see Alex again. No Need For an Exclamation Mark! by Mark Doherty (mdoherty@mailbox.uq.edu.au) James: I truly hope "Doherty" is a pen name, because if it isn't... damn. In a mad scientist's transdimensional lab... "Ano... Washu-chan..." "Yes, Mihoshi?" "Why am I tied up like this?" * The crowd erupts in cat calls and the like. James and Vickie Just sigh. * Washu grinned as she straightened the cap of her nurse's outfit. James: That's creepy on so many levels. "The way you can pop up in a secure lab, the way you do _everything_ wrong but things still turn out right, the way you've survived for as long as you have without enough brain cells to rub together to start a fire... Vickie: Mihoshi - the anime personification of dumb luck. there has to be a reason you're so braindead lucky. And I'm going to find out what it is. Some sort of power like Tenchi's? Perhaps you're the culmination of an experiment in an ultimate weapon bio-form, designed to be activated when the people who made you lost, like a doomsday device. Oh well, we can have fun finding out together." "Washu-chan... what are you doing?" "Just getting a few samples. I always did prefer the hands on approach." The whole damn theater: THAT JUST AIN'T RIGHT!!! "N...now now, Washu-chan. I don't think... uh... I don't think you should..." "Nonsense. I am a doctor, you know. Sure, I picked up the degree on a bet over ten thousand years ago, but what the hey. Theatergoer #077: That's the last time I play poker with a goddess. Vickie: Someone, please slap that idiot. Theatergoer #077: Ouchies!!! Say, are those panties standard Galactic Police issue?" James: Ooh, care bears. "Wa... Washu! Stop... stop this right now! This i... is wrong! You must... oh... a little to the left, a little to the left." * Everyone in the theater tilts his or her head to the right. * Vickie: I had no idea that someone could do that... I mean... damn, now that's flexibility my friend. James: I would say "only in anime" but this is more like "Only a depraved Otaku would". +++ Everyone was gathered around the dinner table. Vickie: * Still a little confused by the last scene *, can we do a little review here? James: * calmly takes a sip from his 64oz. * A twenty thousand year old mad scientist, who doesn't look a day over twelve, donned a nurse's uniform and just did something to a galaxy police officer, that is illegal in most civilized countries. Vickie: Oh, and that was supposed to be funny. How old is this kid, five? "So anyway," Washu continued her explanation to her shock-frozen audience, "one thing led to another. And, well..." Mihoshi giggled, holding up her hand to show the engagement ring. "It's an Earth custom, but we couldn't resist." James: Now that's what I like to see, genuine female bonding. Vickie: * Smacks James in the back of the head. * ...Dumbass. Ryoko looked between the happy couple, and then took a slug of sake from the bottle in her numb hand. When Aeka wordlessly held out her hand, the demon-girl silently handed the bottle to her. Aeka chugged the bottle, Random Theatergoers: Chug! Chug! Chug! before giving it back. It wasn't so much Washu's surprise announcement, Ryoko decided as she brought out a second bottle. It was the contemplative glances that Sasami had been giving her for the last few minutes... * The whole theater goes silent. * Vickie: Well now that was disturbing. ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Dedicated to anyone who's ever done an irrational, no-explanations-offered matchup fanfic. Alex: * Creeps out on stage in his normal attire and keeps a close eye on Vicky * Well there's an hour of my life I'm never getting back, see ya folks and we appreciate ya all for comin' out and supporting the MDF. * James and Vickie shuffle out of theater with the rest of the crowd and as they make there way to James' bright orange '78 Datsun B210.* Vickie: I still can't believe this thing still runs. James: If by "runs" you mean, has a 2 to 3 odds of breaking down at any given moment, then yes. * They manage to squeeze into James' raisin box of a car and are off with a sputter and pop. * So, any final thoughts about the steaming pile MDF played tonight. Vickie: * Pokes the fuzzy dice hanging from the rear view mirror and giggles to herself. * Not really there was that corny Monologue. Morning Light, Dying Light or whatever. That whole fic was a mistake trying to add depth into a shallow series. That Tsunami character may have lost some freedom but... James: Please, lets not get into this, ripping on bad fiction is one thing but trying to make sense of the Tenchi series is another. Vickie: Hey, you wanted a final thought. Now cram it and let me finish. She lost some of her power, but when Sasami grows up, she will be Tsunami. James: Thank you, Captain Obvious. * The Datsun swerves a little as Vickie smacks James around. * Vickie: As for "No Need of an Exclamation Mark"! Juvenile at best. James: You're telling me, I stopped laughing at that kind of crap when I sprouted pubes. Vickie: Bull shit! I saw you laughing your ass off after Stu told his now infamous goat herder joke. James: *chuckles as he remembers the punch line * ...And then he said utters we don't need no stinking utters. * Vickie just sighs as the compact car rolls on. * Fin You like? Drop me a line at Defiler_Bob@yahoo.com.