Disclaimer: Ah, the disclaimer . . . I own nothing, am the constant target of 
thieves, have nothing, and yet pay rent for two places.  Suing me will get you 
nothing.  Have a nice day . . .

Special note: Okay, time to try a new writing style.

The USS Millennium Eagle cruised through the Bajor System, at a speed of one 
half impulse.  Slightly to the left was Deep Space Nine, and dead ahead was the 
wormhole, also known as the 'Celestial Temple' to the Bajorans.  The Captain, 
Jim Ohki, was in the ready room, surfing the communications net of the 
Federation.

Mihoshi and Chi-Chi were in the Captain's quarters on deck seven, with 'Junior'.  
Jim had nicknamed the boy Junior for no particular reason.  Other than to avoid 
calling the younger version of himself Jim.  Tenchi, Ayeka and Ryoko were 
visiting with their kids.

Ash and Misty, whom had just had triplets herself (shameless plug time.  Read my 
Transformations fic to understand), made an appearance as well.  The entire MST 
crew had gathered in the Captain's quarters for recreation, parental tips, and 
various other reasons.  As soon as it started playing, Tenchi turned up the 
Union Underground's 'Across the Nation'.

All in all, a quiet day in the life of MSTers.

That is, until Jim stumbled across this, and the next two, fics . . .

Tenchi: "Something isn't right here . . . I can feel anger coming from somewhere 
. . ."
Ash: "Yeah, I can feel it as well.  Something is seriously wrong here, people."
Ryoko: "WHOA!  Washu just fed me an important message about an energy spike . . 
. ON THE BRIDGE!"
Mihoshi: "Not again . . . please tell me Jim didn't find another piss-ass fic on 
the 'net."

As if on cue, the walls started vibrating.  Red alert klaxons and lights went 
off in time to each other, followed by shouts of people running through the 
halls.  Then the source of the vibration made itself known, in the form of a 
name . . .

"MIHOSHI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

The MSTers all turned to look at the person in question, only to have the 
quarters bum rushed by security.  Everybody dove away from Mihoshi, with their, 
or in Chi-Chi's case, Mihoshi's, kids.

Mihoshi: "WHAT DID I DO?! HEY, LET GO OF ME!!  HELP ME, ANYBODY!!!!!!"

Her questions and cries for help went unanswered, as the security officers 
hauled Mihoshi up to the Captain's Ready Room . . .

*SWISH*

Security Officer: "Sir, we brought Mihoshi to you as you ordered."
Jim: "Excellent.  Dismissed."
Mihoshi: "What the HELL has gotten into you?!"

Jim is silent for five minutes, collecting himself.  Mihoshi constantly gives 
the Captain the evil eye, until he finally speaks.

Jim: "More like, did you write these?!"

Jim spins the computer monitor around, so that Mihoshi can see exactly what has 
gotten him so riled up.  As she reads, Jim walks over to the replicator, and 
orders the favorite drink of his idol . . .

Jim: "Tea.  Earl Grey.  Hot."

After the three second delay of the replicator complying with the users request, 
Jim walks back behind the desk, and plops down into the chair.  Instead of 
bothering his wife, he drinks his tea and lets her read.  Jim watches the color 
drain from her face as the author's name appears, and the intention of said 
author for future fics.

Mihoshi: "Dear God.  Is this why you 'sent' for me?"
Jim (now calmed): "Yes.  It seems somebody likes dragging your name through the 
mud.  But that last tidbit was what set me off . . ."
Mihoshi: "Code 3, huh?"
Jim: "Yeah.  Go back down to the MSTers, explain what is going on.  Then head 
for theatre one."

Just as Mihoshi is walking out the door, Jim calls to her.

Jim: "And remember that I love you . . ."

Twenty minutes and a few grumpy people later, everybody minus the Captain is 
seated in the theatre.  Jim finally walks in, with a vat of Earl Grey on a 
warmer plate, the infamous double sided Lightsaber, his ENTIRE Playboy 
collection, as well as a few sealed containers on an antigrav platform.  Taking 
the chair in the middle, Jim sets the fic in motion . . .

> This Fanfic is not sutable for inmature people. This fanfic contains 
>sex and other content. Please don't read this if you are not a mature 
>person. Please read this fanfic and tell me what you think. I don't own 
>any of the charactors in this fanfic. They belong to Pioneer and A.I.C. 
>I think. (My notes and coming soon fanfics are at the bottom.)

Tenchi: "Holy shit, I see why Jim blew his top."
Mihoshi: "Trust me, this is only the tip of the iceberg."
Ayeka: "I could have sworn that Tank Cop quit posting at TMFFA.com . . ."
Ryoko: "This doesn't look like Tiny Cock's style . . . yet."

>Tenchi was outside working in the carrot patch along with Ryoohki. 
>Tenchi picked up the carrots with Ryoohki on his shoulder. As he got 
>home Ryoko and Ayeka jumpped all over him.

Ash: "Maybe this fic was made on NotePad, and not Word?"
Misty: "True.  And Brock's not squinty eyed, he's got sand in them."
Tenchi: "Really?"
Misty: "No."

>"Oh Tenchi! I missed you so much." Ryoko said squeezing the life out of 
>him.

Tenchi: "GAH!  CAN'T BREATHE!"

>"I was just gone for 20min." Tenchi said hardly breathing.

Ayeka and Ryoko: "BAH!  If we really 'tried' to crush him in a bear hug, all 
we'd have left is powder."
Jim (infomercial): "THAT'S RIGHT!  DEHYDRATED TENCHI!  JUST ADD WATER, AND 
YOU'LL INSTANTLY HAVE A TEENAGED FARMER!  Order now, supplies are limited."

>"Oh lord Tenchi! It seems like forever to me." Ayeka said also holding 
>onto Tenchi.

Misty: "Perhaps he's a life preserver?"
Mihoshi: "Are you kidding?  The way chaos follows the boy, I'm amazed that we 
all haven't died."
Rest: O_O! "MIHOSHI?!"


>"Hey Princess!. Tenchi belongs to me so back off!" Ryoko letting go of 
>Tenchi. Then Ayeka let go of Tenchi as he fell to the floor gasping for 
>air.

Tenchi: (slams a sack of potatoes on the floor, for the sound effect)
Jim: "Look at that.  Tenchi handled a vegetable other than carrots!"
All: "HOLY SHIT!"

>"Miss Ryoko! How dare you put a lable on Tenchi for yourself. Tenchi 
>rightfuly belongs to me. He is a decendent of Jurai and he should 
>rightfuly marry me."
>Ayeka said.

Jim: "Okay, the misspellings are wreaking havoc with MY spellcheck . . . Jesus 
Christ!" (jumps away from his mini-computer, as it shorts out and explodes from 
the horrible spelling thus far)
Ash: (gets hit by shrapnel) "AAAAHHHH!  MY ARM!!!!"
Misty: "MEDIC!" (several medic-bots appear, and begin work on Ash's arm)
Tenchi: "Ah damn, no break?"
Jim: "Please.  I have a hell of a time getting you people in here as it is!"

>"Forget about Jurai! Tenchi can marry who he wants and that's me you old 
>hag!" Ryoko yelled.

>"Your are nothing but a worthless tramp!" Ayeka said.

Ash: "There's a first.  Ayeka didn't yell at Ryoko."
Ayeka: "Besides, I know we both have better material than that."
Ryoko: "True."

>"What did you call me?!" Ryoko said.

Jim: "See, that's what Ayeka would have retorted with at first."
Tenchi: "No emotions?  Have we been replaced by the Borg or androids?"
Misty: "Today's fic will be played by the Borg."
Mihoshi: (starts chuckling) "Resistance is futile.  Lower your pants and prepare 
to masturbate."
Rest: "You just HAD to remind us of that one, didn't you?!"
Jim: "Wait a minute, I haven't posted that one yet . . . I guess it counts as 
new material . . ."

>As much as they cared about Tenchi he was still on the floor breating 
>for air.

Ash (now with a healed arm): "I wonder was breating is?"
Misty: "A very severe ass beating, I guess."

>"Girls! Stop it! I don't like any of you. More that the other." Tenchi 
>said standing up.

Tenchi: "And that's why I married them both, and Jim here got Mihoshi."
Jim: "The only two single females left in your house are the two that should 
MOST definitely be left out of lemons."
Mihoshi: "But what about the Adult forms?"
Jim: "HEY!  Don't be giving out ideas."

>"I'll figure out who likes you the most Tenchi." Ayeka and Ryoko said 
>glaring at each other. They both marched outside. Tenchi not caring 
>where they were going, went into the kitchen with the carrots. Ryoohki 
>followed him. 

Ash: "Today's story will be narrated by Mojo Jojo."
Misty: "Well, it could be Dr. Evil, you know."
Jim (Austin Powers): "HE STOLE MY MOJO!"

>"Here's the carrots you asked for Sasami." Tenchi said.

>Suprisingly Sasami wasn't cooking. It was Kiyone!

Jim: "Ah, Guns and Roses."
Rest: "What?"
Jim turns the volume of the stereo to full, as GNR's 'Paradise City' plays.  
This causes massive whiplash, as the MSTers head-bang to the music.
>From the outside, it sounds like a concert is going on in the Eagle, as the 
sound waves are intense enough to reach Bajor.  Sensors on DS9 go berserk, the 
sound waves strong enough to actually attack the shields of the retired mining 
outpost.  A few of the humans on the station that have heard GNR head-bang to 
the song as well, chain reacting with more whiplash, and reports that the 
officers need therapy.
It doesn't help in the least when Jim hears the latest by Union Underground, 
'Across the Nation'.  The MSTers don't miss a beat with the head-banging between 
songs, as do the station personnel.  Every other alien race in the system 
wonders just what in the hell the humans are up to, thrashing about like fish 
out of water.

>"Hi Tenchi! Sasami is feeling under the weather so I'm making her some 
>soup. Would you like anything?" Kiyone said with a smile on her face. 
>Tenchi froze for a minute and turned red. Then he shook himself from the 
>trance.

Tenchi: "Trust me, I won't be doing any shaking for a while . . . ow . . ." 
(falls over, and rolls under the chairs)

>"Ok! Um...It's almost dinnertime. Do you need any help?" Tenchi asked 
>putting down the carrots and giving one to Ryoohki as she ran out 
>cherring with joy.

Jim: "Ow . . . my neck . . ." (keels over)
Mihoshi: "Uh, medic?" (joins Jim on the floor)
The medic-bots appear, and upon seeing the carnage, summon a medical team from 
sickbay.  The human medics bum rush the theatre, knocking the snack counter 
over.  The MSTers are placed on hover-stretchers, and rushed down to sickbay.  
In all of the mayhem, nobody turned off the fic . . . or got Tenchi out from 
under the chairs.  Grotesque popping sounds are heard, followed by Tenchi 
standing up.
Tenchi: "Aaahhh!  Much better.  Hey, where'd everybody go?"

>"Tenchi. Can you take the soup up to Sasami?" Kiyone asked handing the 
>bowl to him.

>"Ok!" Tenchi took the hot bowl of miso soup up to Sasami. Along with 
>some hot tea. Tenchi knocked on Sasami's door.

Tenchi (trying his hardest to open the door): "LET ME OUT OF HERE, DAMN IT!  
JIM!  MIHOSHI!  AYEKA!  RYOKO!  ANYBODY!!  HELP!!!"

>"Come *cough* in." Sasami said. She sounded terrible. 

>Tenchi walked into the door. Sasami was so red. Tenchi grabed the 
>thermometer on the dresser. Tenchi set the soup and the tea on the 
>bedtray.

>"Sasami. Can you open your mouth?" Tenchi asked.
>Sasami noded yes and opened her mouth. He took Sasami's tempature was 
>110 degrees.

Tenchi (stopped fighting with the door long enough to comment): "110 degrees?!  
And we don't take her to a hospital, WHY?!  Boy and how am I glad Ayeka didn't 
see that."

>"Whoh! Sasami! Your burning up with fever." Tenchi said in shock. "Did 
>you take some medicine?"

>Sasami knoded. "Kiyone said all I needed was some soup and tea and I'll 
>feel a little better." Sasami said with a cough after that. 

Tenchi (still fighting with the door): "COME ON, OPEN!"
While Tenchi is pulling as hard as he can on the door, it suddenly releases and 
opens, sending the boy stumbling across the floor.  The others re-enter the 
theatre, and take their seats.  Jim is so bored with this fic, he starts leafing 
through his collection of Playboy's.  Mihoshi looks at the pictures over his 
right shoulder, while Chi-Chi looks over his left.  Both Ayeka and Ryoko wonder 
why Tenchi refuses to buy the porn magazines.  Ash and Misty pay no mind 
whatsoever to what is going on around them.

>"Ok. I brought you some soup and some tea." he said putting the bedtray 
>over her. "After your finshed I'll bring somemore medicine." 

>"Ok." Sasami said sitting up. She took the spoon and started to take 
>slow sips.

>Tenchi took an old bell off the dresser. 

>"If you need anthing at all. Ryoko, Ayeka, Kiyone, Washu, Mihoshi, and I 
>will come and help you. Ok?"
>Tenchi said.

>Sasami nodded.

Jim (not looking up): "Off to sleep . . ." (passes out from exhaustion that he 
wasn't even aware of)
Mihoshi: "Not cool Jim.  Wake up." (starts shaking her husband, not getting a 
response)
Tenchi: "Is he all right?"
Mihoshi (starting to panic): "JIM!  COME ON JIM, WAKE UP!"
Jim (finally coming around): "WHAT?!  WHERE?!  WHO'S-A-WHAT'S-IT'S!?  Oh, it's 
you Mihoshi.  So, what's so important, love?"

>Tenchi walked out of the room. Right in front of him was Kiyone. Almost 
>close to kissing her. He acedently scared her. She stared to fall 
>backwards and he grabbed her by her waist and pulled her up close to 
>him. She wrapped her arms around him. They both quickly released each 
>other.

>"Um.....dinner is ready...Can you get Mihoshi and Washu while I get the 
>timebombs in the yard?" Kiyone said studering.

Sounds of a windup clock are heard.  Tick, tock, tick, tock, tick, tock.
Ash: "Stuttering John makes appearances in many fics nowadays."
Jim: (throws in his Union Underground CD, and cues track three)
As soon as the MSTers hear 'South Texas Deathride', they trash about.  Jim 
wanders over to the hidden comm. panel, and opens a subspace channel.  Humans in 
every part of the Quadrant head-bang to the song.

Klingon homeworld . . .

Officer 1: "SIR!  WE'RE RECEIVING A TRANSMISSION FROM THE BAJOR SECTOR!"
Captain: "All right, let's hear it."
The Communications officer puts the transmission on audio, and instantly there's 
a riot . . . mostly from the line "C'MON, C'MON, C'MON GET UP GET UP! SOUTH 
TEXAS DEATHRIDE YOU MOTHERFUCK!"  Those Klingons that can speak Federation 
Standard understood every word that was said, and wanted revenge for the insult.

Romulus . . .

Aide: "Admiral, we're receiving a strange transmission from the Bajor Sector."
Admiral: "Let me hear it."
That proved to be a mistake, as the above mentioned line in the song triggered 
an assembly of the Romulan Senate.  They all agreed that the Federation was up 
to something, and were not pleased.  Especially at the insult.

Cardassia . . .

Officer: "We're receiving a transmission from the Bajor Sector, Gul."
Gul: "On speakers."
Not three seconds after the music started playing over the speakers, did the 
Cardassian Fleet assemble in orbit.  None of the Captains were happy about what 
the Federation scum had said about their mothers.

Earth . . .

Lieutenant: "Admiral, incoming message from the Bajor Sector."
Admiral: "All right, place it on speakers."
As soon as the audio picked up, the Admiral's eye's lit up.  Not in fear or 
revolt, but in delight.  Nobody had played this song in 500 years, and it just 
happened to be the Admiral's favorite.  Not long after the song finished, did 
reports of mobilization by the Klingons, Romulans, and Cardassians put fear in 
the Admiral.  The three Empire's fleets were all at the Federation border, 
wanting answers.  Mostly to the question of why they had to insult their 
mothers.

Back aboard the Eagle . . .

Jim: "YEAH!  That song absolutely KICKS ASS!"
Selphie (yes, she's still on board): "Uh, Captain?  You may want to come up 
here, like, YESTERDAY."
Jim: "Now what?  There's always something to ruin my fun." (heads up to the 
bridge, leaving the other MSTers to finish the fic)

>"Uh....Ok. I'll go right now and get them." Tenchi said in the same 
>fashion.

>They both went there sepetrate ways both in the shade of red.

>***********************************************

> Everyone was the the lunch table in seconds. Ryoko and Ayeka was both 
>exsosted and couldn't move so Kiyone had to drag them to the table. She 
>looked pretty chared herself.

Tenchi: "What is this, dinner at the Simpson's?"
Ayeka: "No kidding.  Besides, Kiyone doesn't cook for us.  If Sasami is sick or 
busy, then Washu helps out."
Ryoko: "Or we order take out."
Tenchi: "Every night."

>"You two embrass this wholehouse hold." Kiyone said. 

Ash: "This AUTHOR embarrasses the MST Syndicate!"
Tenchi: "Gee, I wonder why." (looks at the Captain's seat)

>She went over to her seat at the table until they heard a ring.


>"What's that noise?" asked Mihoshi.

Mihoshi: "Jesus Christ, even I know what a bell sounds like."
Jim (from the bridge, eight decks up): "WHAT THE FUCK?!"
Tenchi: "Oy vey, he never stops."
Mihoshi and Chi-Chi: "Sometimes, that's not a bad thing."
Rest: ~_~' "Sorry we said anything."

>"It's Sasami's bell. Can you respond to it Mihoshi?" Tenchi said.

Jim (on speakers): "MSTers to the bridge."
The MSTers drop what they are doing, and walk towards the turbolift.  Ash and 
Misty hear the cries of their children and head in the opposite direction, 
towards their quarters.
Mihoshi: "I wonder what he wants now?"
Chi-Chi: "He sounds pretty calm, if you ask me."
Tenchi: "That's a good thing."
Ayeka: "I most certainly hope so, Chi-Chi.  His wraith is unbelievable."
Ryoko: "Well look at that, our conversation brought us to the bridge."
And it had, as the MSTers step off the turbolift, onto the lower section of the 
bridge.  Jim looked perplexed at the MSTers, his unasked question very apparent.
Mihoshi: "Their kids started crying, so they went to tend to them."
Jim: "Ah.  Even I am not such an ass as to deny the care of kids.  Speaking of, 
I need you and Chi-Chi to go down to my quarters and watch the children gathered 
there."
Tenchi: "What did you do this time, Jim?"
Jim: "I dunno . . . but take a look for yourselves."
The MSTers turn their heads towards the viewer, and nearly fall over.  There's 
at least two hundred ships assembled from the three major Empire's in the 
Quadrant.  And for the first time in recorded history, they aren't fighting each 
other.  The weapons ports on all of the ship are pointed at the Eagle.  The 
MSTers look back at Jim, who is too calm for the situation.  He is almost 
smiling like a mad man, and this scares the crap out of the MSTers.
Tenchi: "Jim, please tell me you didn't do something to insult them."
Jim: "It seems they have a problem with 'South Texas Deathride'.  More 
specifically, the line that includes 'Motherfuck'.  I guess I shouldn't have 
opened that subspace channel while we were partying to the song."
MSTers: >_< "You did WHAT?!"
Selphie: "Captain, we are receiving hails from the flagships of the fleets, as 
well as FleetStar Command."
Jim: "Put them all on screen, five way conference."
Selphie complies with the order without question, and the faces of the 
respective fleet commanders, as well as an Admiral on Earth, appear on screen.
Klingon: "WE WANT HIS HEAD!"
Romulan: "Not until WE have it."
Cardassian: "US FIRST!"
Admiral: "Gentlemen, please settle down.  He's not part of the Federation, 
however, he is one of our citizens, and we will protect him at all costs."
Jim: "Admiral, as much as I like the fact that you'd back me up in a situation 
like this, I must insist on dealing with it myself.  After all, I made the mess, 
I might as well clean it up.  Close channel."
With that last command, the four commanders on the screen were cut off from 
whatever was going on onboard the Eagle.  Jim walked over to a turbolift that 
had several security measures around it.  Forcefields, deatomizers, photon 
accelerators, and the like.
Jim: "Computer, release lockout on turbolift three.  Authorization Ohki, Yankee, 
Alpha, Charlie, Hotel, Tango."
Computer: "Lockout released.  Reactivation in one minute."
Mihoshi: "Where are you going?"
Jim: "I have a surprise for them.  Now then, MSTers, clear the bridge, and go to 
my quarters.  We'll finish the fic when I return." (walks into the turbolift, 
and the security measures reactivate)

On the Klingon flagship . . .

Officer 1: "Captain, they are ignoring our hails."
Captain: "Charge weapons arrays.  Be ready to fire.  Signal the fleet to go to 
battle status."
Officer 1: "Weapons charged and ready.  Fleet signals ready.  Sir, the Romulans 
and Cardassians have also armed their weapons.  They are not targeting any of 
our ships . . . yet."
Captain: "TODAY IS A GOOD DAY TO DIE!"
Officer 2: "SIR!  A SUBSPACE DISTORTION HAS APPEARED DEAD AHEAD!"
Captain: "EVASIVE MANUEVUERS!  ALL SHIPS, REPORT!"
Officer 1: "No damage to fleet, sir.  Romulan and Cardassian fleets also took 
evasive, and are regrouping."
Captain (looks at the viewer): "What in the name of GOD IS THAT?!"

Romulan flagship . . .

Officer 1: "Commander, we are at battle ready status.  The fleet has reported 
in, everything is a go."
Commander: "Excellent.  Stand ready on weapons."
Officer 2: "COMMANDER!  SUBSPACE HOLE DEAD AHEAD!  DISTANCE . . . 100 CLICKS!"
Commander: "EVASIVE MANUEVERS!  Status of fleet?"
Officer 1: "Fleet sustained no damage.  Klingon and Cardassian fleets are 
regrouping, distance . . . 100,000 kilometers."
Commander (looks at the viewer): "Sweet mother of God . . . can ANYBODY tell me 
WHAT that is?!"

Cardassian flagship . . .

Officer 1: "All ships report battle ready status, Gul.  Weapons are charged and 
ready, as well."
Gul: "Well done.  We shall have our revenge today!"
Officer 2: "SIR!  SUBSPACE DISTORTIONS DEAD AHEAD!  DISTANCE . . . my god . . . 
75 CLICKS!"
Gul: "TAKE EVASIVE ACTION!  I want a full report, NOW!"
Officer 1: "No damage to fleet, Gul.  Klingon and Romulan fleets regrouping at 
100,000 kilometers."
Gul (glances at the viewer): "That may not be enough . . ."

Millennium Eagle . . .

The MSTers had ignored the Captain's order, and remained on the bridge.  Sensors 
went berserk, audible collision and other warnings going off.  Selphie took the 
ship into a heavy dive, missing the subspace hole by three inches.  Deck plating 
groaned in protest to the sudden shift.  Gravity had no meaning, as the ship 
dropped fast enough to override the inertial dampers, causing people and 
materials not bolted down to float for a few seconds.  Not enough to displace 
their landing, but enough that it was most definitely felt.

Number one: "REPORT!  WHERE DID THAT DAMN HOLE COME FROM?!"
Weps: "UNKNOWN!  Sir, receiving a message from the Captain."
Number one: "On screen!"
Jim: "Hail the flagships of the fleets, Number One.  I want to see all of their 
faces at once . . ."
Mihoshi: "Uh, Jim?  Why don't you do it?"
Jim: "For starters, I don't want them to know I am on board the Yacht.  
Secondly, why are you, and the other MSTers, still on the bridge?"
Mihoshi: "Uh . . ."
The MSTers look at each other slowly, then decided that discretion was the 
better part of valor, and jumped into the turbolift.  Just as soon as that 
matter was settled, the communications officer complied with the Captain's 
order.

Klingon: "WHAT THE HELL IS THAT THING?!"
Romulan: "Hmmm . . . yes, do explain what that monstrosity is."
Cardassian: "Who cares about that?!  KILL IT!"
Number One: "What are you people talking about?"
This brought the potential argument to a halt.  The commanders of the respective 
fleets looked at each other, then back at the Commander, and back at each other.
Klingon: "Are you telling me you don't see that massive ship?"
Romulan: "How can they?  It's only taking up enough space for a GAS GIANT!"
Number One: "Weps, give me a sensor sweep.  I want to now what's going on."
Weps: "Scanning . . . WHOA!  WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?!"
Number One: "ON SCREEN!"
The commander's faces were replaced with the absolute BIGGEST ship in recorded 
history.  This new ship that appeared from subspace made the Death Star look 
like a M&M.  The new arrival had really did have the mass of a gas giant.  
Sensors finally made the comparison, and it caused a face-vault on board the 
Eagle.
Number One: "JUPITER?!  THAT THING IS THE SIZE OF JUPITER?!  WHAT THE HELL?!  
(takes a minute to calm down) Put the commanders back on screen, Selph."
Selphie: "Aye, Sir.  And only the Captain calls me Selph."
Just as soon as Selphie complies with the order, Jim's face also appears on 
screen.

Jim: "SAY HELLO TO MY LITTLE FRIEND!"

All of the commanding officer's eyes bugged out.  Onboard the Klingon flagship, 
a massive bowel movement is heard, followed by one of the officers muttering 
"Today is a BAD day to die."  Things didn't look to good on the Romulan 
flagship, as the sound of water hitting the deck plating carried across the 
channel.  The Cardassian flagship had fallen silent entirely, as the crew on the 
bridge had fainted dead away.
Jim: "All right, who wants to be first?  You think the Eagle has firepower, just 
tempt me to use what I installed on my Yacht."
Number One: "THAT is your yacht, Captain?!"
Jim: "Yep.  I keep her in subspace for . . . (looks as the remaining commanders 
faces) . . . various reasons.  Let's say it took me a while to meld a few dozen 
Super Star Destroyers, two Death Stars, three Sun Crushers, and a Sovereign 
Class starship into this.  My yacht, my baby." (By the end of the explanation, 
Jim's eyes had misted over a little)
The commanders eyes REALLY bugged out at the mentioning of TWO Death Stars being 
in the mass in front of them.  That really explained the dish areas fore and 
aft.  The main weapon of the Death Star, only pointed in TWO directions.  Not to 
mention, Sun Crusher weaponry.  Jim Ohki, Captain of the USS Millennium Eagle, 
now had the firepower to kill entire SYSTEMS, not just planets . . . all at his 
control.
All: "Ut oh."
Weps: "SIR!  Another ship is approaching . . . Defiant class . . ."
Jim: "Defiant class?  Could it be?"
Weps: "It's the namesake, sir."
The USS Defiant, NX-74205, zooms in at full impulse.  Apparently her Captain had 
yet to see the Yacht, and was charging headfirst into a potential battle like 
only a Klingon could.
Jim: "Ah, must be Commander Worf.  Captain Sisko isn't so . . . gun-ho."
Things were at a standoff.  The Cardassians were not really paying any attention 
to the Eagle, Yacht, Defiant, or any ship of the other two Empire's fleets.  
They were in tumult, deciding if retreating over fighting was a better idea.  
The comm. traffic was unbelievable, ships hailing each other.  Jim, deciding 
he's had enough of these bozos, sets up his targeting system.

Jim: "Hmmm . . . what do we have here?  Cloaked Cardassian ships, eh?  Say bye-
bye."

The Yacht turned three degrees to port, and without the long power build up, the 
primary fore Superlaser unleashed it's fury, blowing a lot of ships up.  The 
remaining ships of the Cardassian fleet decided that discretion was THE better 
part valor, turned tail, and ran.

Jim: "Ah, much better.  Today, I blew some shit up." (lights a cigarette) "Now 
then, who wants some?!"

Everything came to a stop at that point.  Jim, deciding he's made his point with 
his new toy, pulls her back into subspace.  As he pulls into the 'garage', the 
comm. systems erupt with activity.  The hails sent at the Yacht all came from 
the Klingons, wondering why he was running from a fight.  Jim ignored them 
entirely, having had enough with the whole situation.  The Eagle vanished from 
space, followed by the Yacht.

One problem arose from such a hasty departure of a Jupiter-class Yacht . . . the 
gravimetric dynamics of the Bajor system were severely disrupted, causing mass 
chaos.  The orbits of the planets and moons were thrown out of whack, causing 
once inhabitable worlds to die.  DS9 and the wormhole both shifted their 
locations, causing even more mayhem.  Chaos reined supreme, photons burst, 
people died . . . whoops, wrong fic.

On the far side of the galaxy, near the Icedrake . . .

The Eagle appeared, displacing a heavily modified YT-1300 Corellian freighter.  
Her Captain started cussing up a storm, until his copilot pointed out the Yacht.  
Once they both realized they could be in deep shit, the Millennium Falcon jumped 
to hyperspace, going somewhere far, far away from the beast.

Jim: "Ah, the test flight of the Yacht is a success.  I got to blow shit up, 
piss a few people of, and party to cool music . . . now back to that fic.  Oy 
vey, it never ends."

And so, the MSTers retake their seats in the theatre, noting that the MST is now 
WAY longer that the fic.  Jim had taken notice of the Icedrake MSTing Kanashii 
no Imi, and sent a subspace message over to her Captain.

>"Ok! No problem Tenchi." Mihoshi said standing up. She acedentaly 
>spilled the hot tea on Kiyone.

Mihoshi: "I only spilt tea 123,543,153,461,671,356,786,863,417,586,252,354,347 
times before I got it right!"
Tenchi: "We made the Boston Tea Party look like a drop of rain."
Ayeka: "I think we spent more on tea and sake then anything else."
Jim: "Where's my whiskey?!"
Chi-Chi: "Great, now he's on his whiskey trip again."
Jim: "MIKEY!  QUIT TAKING THE SYNTHAHOL!  Hehehe, I got the goods right here." 
(pulls out a bottle of JD) "Now, if only I knew how he gets onboard . . ."
Mike (appears from nowhere): "Uh, I used the door."
All: Face-vault.
Jim: "DAMN YOU!  SHOO!  SHOO!  GO!" (chases Mike out of the theatre.  Several 
seconds pass, then the sounds of pots and pans falling on each other is heard)
Jim: "OUCH!  DAMN IT!  You just had to run into the galley, didn't you?  Letting 
your stomach be your compass?" (walks back in the theatre, looking beat up)

>"Ahhhhh! Mihoshi! I just washed this." Kiyone said grabbing a towel off 
>the table.

>"I'm sorry Kiyone! I didn't mean to." Mihoshi said standing up then 
>bowing.

>"Just go help Sasami!" Kiyone said still trying to wipe the stain off 
>her paints.

All: O_O! "PAINTS?!"
Jim: "I think this author does indeed have the mental capacity of the old 
Mihoshi.  Either that, or Kiyone had been painting some scenery."
Tenchi: "You'd be surprised at what these girls are capable of."

>"Ok!" Mihoshi said. She rushed upstairs to suit Sasami's needs.

>"Hello *cough 3x* Mihoshi." Sasami seemed a little better and a little 
>worse.

Ayeka: "Okay, for one, that's an oxymoron.  For two, WHY IS MY LITTLE SISTER NOT 
IN A HOSPITAL?!"
Ryoko: "Or where the hell is Washu?!"
Mecha-Washu appears, and drops a Tannoki statue on Ryoko's head.

>"Oh Sasami! You shouldn't speak. You need your rest." Mihoshi said with 
>a little worried expresstion on her face. She grabed a little pen from 
>her pocket. It looked hi-tech. She pulled a little thin part out and a 
>screen apeared. She gave it to Sasami and a little pen to go with it.

Mihoshi: "Okay, that makes no sense.  Why would I give her two pens?"
Jim: "Remember, don't try to rationalize the work."
Ash: "All you'll end up with is a migraine."
Misty: "Like the one I married."
Rest: "OUCH!"
Ash: "What did I ever do to you, Mist?"

>"Write what you need down on this piece of paper." Mihoshi said with a 
>smile. Sasami wrote it down and a voice came from the "Hi-Tech" pen. 
>Sasami said she was finshed and wanted her medicine.

Jim: "Good lord, this fic sucks."
Mihoshi: "And how do you think *I* feel, huh?!"
Chi-Chi: "Hey Jim, what's in these sealed containers?"
Jim: "Nuclear warheads."
Rest: O_O! "Oh CRAP!"

>"Okay!" Mihoshi said with a happy face. Sasami started to smile. Mihoshi 
>always amuses her. Mihoshi took the medicine off the shelf and gave it 
>to Sasami. Sasami wrote on the "hi-tech" paper: "Thank You Mom"

All: "WHAT?!"
Ayeka: "MIHOSHI IS NOT MY OR SASAMI'S MOTHER!"
Jim: "And here I thought Junior was the only one . . ."
Mihoshi: >_< "JIM!"
Jim: "Oh, more on the way, eh?"
Mihoshi: '~_~' "Damn it."
Jim: "Ah, yet another nursery I get to build . . . WHERE'S MY CHAINSAW?!" (fires 
up both of his Homelite 120* and 240* chainsaws)
Chi-Chi (running away): "GREAT!  WHERE DID THOSE COME FROM?!"
Jim (a la Madman): "SEARS!!!"
Rest: Face-vault.

>"Mom?" Mihoshi said with a counfused face. Mihoshi then got the idea and 
>left the room with the empty bowl of miso soup and left the tea there. 
>She wasn't quite finshed so she left it. Then Sasami fell sound asleep.

Jim: "YEAH!!!" (the 'saws run out of fuel) "AH CRAP!"
Mihoshi: "WHAT DID YOU SAY?!"
Tenchi: "NO GETTING THAT JOKE STARTED!"
Ayeka: "THEN WHY ARE WE SHOUTING?!"
Ash: "I don't know."
Misty: "HOW COME YOU CAN HEAR US?!"
Jim (after refueling the 'saws, fires them back up): "AR, AR, AR, AAAARRRR!!!!"
Ash: (slips the earplugs back in)
Ryoko: "JESUS CHRIST!" (teleports away) "WATCH IT WITH THOSE THINGS, JIM!"
Chi-Chi: (was hiding in the corner, and watched Jim slice and dice Ryoko's hair 
into a Mohawk)
Rest (sans Ryoko): "NICE DO, RYOKO!"
Ryoko (grows to three times the size of Godzilla, and breathes photonic fire): 
"MY HAIR!!!!!!"

>"All finshed!" Mihoshi said coming down the stairs.

Jim (puts the 'saws away): "Maybe if I quit making shit up . . ." (dodges a 
blast from Ryoko) ". . . and let this fic FINISH, we can get outta here for 
now."
Ryoko: "DIE VILE SCUM!!!!"
Tenchi: "Great, now I have to get naked to calm her down."
Rest (minus Ryoko, Ayeka and Tenchi): "EEEWWW!!!"
Jim: "DUDE!  Put your shrimp away!"
Rest (minus Jim, Tenchi, and an even angrier Ryoko): O_O! "OH, THAT'S GOTTA 
HURT!"
Jim: "Let's just FINISH this damn piece of shit already."
Ash: "Why do you emphasize 'finish', Jim?"
Jim: "So that this author may get the hint, and spell this shit correctly."

>"What did she want?" Ayeka asked with a worried face.

>"She just wanted some medicine and she looks alot better." Mihoshi said.

>"That's a relief." Tenchi said.

>Later that  night everyone went to bed except Kiyone and Tenchi. Tenchi 
>was doing some homework and Kiyone was watching "A Promuse to Caraline". 
>A very sad movie indeed. As she was watching the movie, Tenchi was 
>finshed with his homework. He went to peak on Kiyone. She was streching 
>and clicked off the TV. She turned around and saw Tenchi coming 
>downstairs.

>"Hello Tenchi. You still up?" Kiyone asked.

>"Yep! I got a big test tommorow and I have to study." Tenchi said.

Jim: "Ah, my bad lemon sense is tingling.  We have INCOMING!"
All: (dive under the seats in ultra slow motion)

>Kiyone was so tired she couldn't stand up right. She found out how hard 
>Sasami's work can be. She started to climb the stairs and started to 
>fall backwards once again. Tenchi caught her by the waist and pulled her 
>close again. She put her around him and they kissed this time but on 
>acedent. It lasted for about 10 seconds. It seemed like they were both 
>enjoying it. They then broke lose and Kiyone was red. Tenchi was also 
>the shade of red. They were still holding each other. Then they began to 
>kiss again. Tenchi started to walk backwards with Kiyone walking 
>forward. They both steped into Tenchi's room and closed the door.

Tenchi: ~_~ "Just great."
Ayeka and Ryoko (who finally calmed down): "What?"
Tenchi: "This makes ME look like a slut!"
Ash: "Ah, a man-slut."
Misty: "Well, everybody things you're a pimp already."
Jim: "Ah, excellent fic idea."

>They both plopped on the bed. Kiyone was at the bottom. Tenchi was at 
>the top. They still countiued to kiss. Then Tenchi started to put his 
>hand up Kiyone's shirt. Kiyone helped him take it off. There, was her 
>blue cotton bra. He started to undo it and he finnaly got it off. There 
>was her large sized breast. Tenchi started to rub them to get them 
>untinse. Kiyone started to moan as Tenchi massaged her breast nice and 
>hard. Then Tenchi stopped and took Kiyone's paints off. Then he took off 
>her panties. Tenchi then started to take his finger and massaged her 
>cuilt. She began to moan a little louder but Tenchi shushed her. Tenchi 
>began to move it around and around but a little faster this time. Kiyone 
>began to moan again but not very loud this time. Tenchi sat up and took 
>his shirt, pants and underware. Kiyone was supised to see they were 
>covered in carrots. She started to smile. She sat up and went to his 
>cock and started to suck it. Tenchi began to moan rubbed Kiyone's head 
>with his hand stering it in circles. Her hair was starting to friz up. 
>Tenchi then sat Kiyone up and turned her around. Kiyone then whispered 
>in Tenchi's ear. Tenchi sighed and went to his underware draw and pulled 
>out a condom. He put it on and then turned her around. He stuck his cock 
>into Kiyone. Then he began to fuck her. Kiyone have out soft huffs and 
>puffs. She also began to moan. Tenchi was rubbing her breast and 
>pinching her nipples. Kiyone was so relaxed. She started to let out soft 
>screms along with her huffs and puffs. That went on for 7 minutes. Then 
>Tenchi stopped and Kiyone turned around and kissed him. Kiyone returned 
>down to her original postion at his cock and Tenchi cummed her. Tenchi 
>now began to moan as she started to suck it. That went on for 5 minutes. 
>They both started to get tired. They both layed down on Tenchi's bed and 
>Tenchi was kissing Kiyone and they both looked at each other.

Jim: O_O "Okay, I'm sorry.  That lemon scene makes a few (shudders) Tank 
(retches) Cop lemons look somewhere closer to decent than ever before." (vomits 
uncontrollably. This causes a chain-reaction puke, from where Jim sits in the 
middle seat, on down to the ends of the aisle.  Then the hurling travels back 
and forth for about three minutes)
All: "And keep in mind, we DESPISE Tiny Cock, with a vengeance!"
Jim: "That just goes to show how poorly this is written.  And just you wait, 
this author does go into the realm of Sasami lemons."
All: "KILL ME NOW!"

>"What did we just do Tenchi?" Kiyone asked out of breath

Misty: "We power puked all over the floor."
Jim: "PUKE!"
(The Puke-bots appear, and clean the floor)

>"I don't know. I'm not sure If I wanted to." Tenchi said with a worried 

>face plus tired.

>"Did we just do it? I mean what will the others think?" Kiyone said also 
>tired and out of breath.

>"They won't know. We can't tell this to anyone because we don't know why 
>we did it." Tenchi said.

>"Yeah. Plus, if Ayeka and Ryoko knew...well you know." Kiyone said with 
>a smile. "Let's keep this little get together our little secret."

>"I'm way..ahead of....you." Tenchi said then he and Kiyone fell asleep.

>TO BE CONTINUED

All: "FINALLY!"

>How did yo like my little story. There's a second chapter and I'm 
>working on it. Please...If you have any qustions or coments please tell 
>me. e-mail at mihoshi_spacegirl@yahoo.com OR 
>kiyonie_spacegirl@sailormoon.com

All: >_< "D'OH!"

>authors note
>Writing fanfics is a hobbie. I also have a crossover between the 
>Powerpuff Girls and Tenchi
>Dexter and Tenchi
>Cardcaptors and Tenchi
>South Park and Tenchi
>Digimon and Tenchi (2nd season Digimon)
>Pokemon and Tenchi (My sister beged me to write one)
>and lemons
>Mihoshi's Best ( 2 chapters)
>Ryoko's Best (3 chapters)
>Ayeka's Best (3 chapters)
>Sasami's Best (2 chapters)
>Washu's Best (2 chapters)
>Vacation Spot (2 chapters) (Wedding Day. V	ote for Who you want to 
>marry Tenchi and I'll put it out)
>And a little more. My specialty is lemons and crossovers. All of these 
>fanfics are coming soon. I am currently working on all the crossovers 
>and Ryoko and Mihoshi's Best. If you liked this fanfic. You will 
>defnetly like the others. Well, smell ya later.

Jim (leans over, and blows a plant killer fart): "And to think, I have, what, 
two more of these pieces of shit to fart upon?  Great.  Feed me burritos, 
pronto!"
(The burrito-bots appear, hauling vats overflowing with burritos)
All: (dig in, hoping to have a full reserve for the next two fics)

>Loreal "Mihoahi" Miller

All (minus Jim and Mihoshi): O_O! "WHAT?!"
Mihoshi: "It must be a CLONE!  THAT'S IT, A CLONE!  I know I don't spell my name 
like that."
Jim: "Hmmm . . . well, I have seen Episode Two.  It wouldn't surprise me in the 
least.  Quickly, give me your reviews, and we're outta here."
Tenchi: "BLEAH!  That's all I have to say."
Ayeka: "Good lord, even I know Mihoshi doesn't spell that bad."
Ryoko: "Just you wait Jim, I will get you back for ruining my hair."
Ash and Misty: (vomit) "Okay, can we go now?!"

The MSTers bum rush the showers, trying to get the smell out.  The Millennium 
Eagle jumps to warp, heading on another adventure . . .

*The difference in the 120 and 240 Chainsaws is the length of the chain bar.  
The 120 has a twelve inch bar, while the 240 has a twenty-four inch bar.  And 
yes, I do own these chainsaws.