*Ahem*

MST3K belongs to Best Brains Inc, and I'm fairly sure Joel belongs to
himself. The Dark Blade Saga and Knives McGillion both belong to Chris
Tingler, who's been a really nice guy about this, and no insult is intended
toward him. Oh, and I wrote this MiSTing, so I suppose it belongs to, well,
me. I hope you enjoy it!

- Spider(spider256@hotmail.com)




[Bridge of the SOL. Tom and Crow are standing behind the counter; Crow seems
to be trying to fold himself into a pretzel.]

CROW: Are you sure this is a good idea?
TOM: Come on! I saw it on TV once! Oh, hi Joel.

[Joel enters from the left.]

JOEL: Hi, guys.
CROW: Hi, Joel.
JOEL: [blinks] Um... Crow? Why are you trying to put your foot behind your
back?
TOM: Actually, that was my idea. It's become clear to me that you could have
made us so much more than what we are now!
JOEL: What's that supposed to mean?
TOM: Well, look at all the animes and movies and sci-fi stuff we've been
seeing! I never knew we robots had so many different powers!

[Joel sighs. Crow tries to unscrew his head.]

JOEL: What's Crow doing, anyway?
TOM: He's becoming a transformer.
CROW: Am I a station wagon yet?
TOM: Not yet, bud, keep trying.
JOEL: You're kidding, right?
TOM: Hey, Crow took an easy power! Do you have any idea how hard it is to
shoot lasers out of your eyes?
JOEL: You haven't *got* eyes.
TOM: And whose fault is that?

[The mads' light starts to flash.]

JOEL: Great, now Megatron and Starscream are calling.

[Joel taps the button. Crow falls over.]

CROW: How about now?

[Deep 13. Dr. Forester looms over the camera like a, erm, big loomy thing.
TV's Frank is sitting on a chair in the background, turned away from the
camera, holding something in his arms and making baby noises at it.]

DR. F: Well, well, well. Your robots aren't satisfied with themselves any
more, hmm? Maybe it's time I showed you what a real inventor can do!

[Back to the SOL. Crow is standing up again, and there's a bed lying in the
background for some reason.]

CROW: Hey, let us go first! We worked really hard on this!
JOEL: That's right. This week, I decided to let Tom and Crow come up with
our invention all by themselves.
TOM: That's right! Joel, are you feeling sleepy?
JOEL: Well, not really--
TOM: Deploy Somnolescence Inducer!
CROW: Deploying Somnolescence Inducer!

[Crow takes a mallet out from under the bar and hits Joel over the head with
it.]

TOM: How about now?

[Joel falls onto the bed.]

TOM: Ah. Very good. Crow, the headphones?

[While Tom talks, Crow sets about putting a set of headphones hooked up to a
tape player on Joel's head.]

TOM: [whispering] Thank you. Now sirs, subliminal messages are a powerful
tool. They can make advertising more effective. They can also help to cure
people of bad habits, and we here at SOL Industries have taken advantage of
that fact by producing a new cassette tape designed to cure laziness.

[Crow pushes "play" on the tape deck and sneaks away. Tom's voice cues up.]

VOICE: [whispering] You are strong. You are resourceful. You can accomplish
anything, if you try hard enough. Don't be afraid to do a little work, when
you have to.

[Joel mumbles a bit and rolls over in his sleep.]

VOICE: [louder] All good things take a little effort. Remember that with
hard work and dedication... what, am I talking to myself here? Hey, lardass!
What do you think you're doing lying in bed?! I didn't record this thing so
you could have a lullaby! GET UP!
JOEL: Agh!

[Joel is jolted out of his sleep and sits up. He looks around wildly,
shivering.]

JOEL: Don't hurt me! S-stay away! I... huh?

[Joel curls into a ball, shuddering. Tom and Crow turn to the camera.]

TOM: What do you think, sirs?
JOEL: The v-voices...

[Back to Deep 13. Frank stands up and hands the "baby", wrapped in a blank-
et, to Dr. F.]
DR. F: Pathetic as always, though you get bonus points for scarring Joel.
You've all noticed how annoying babies are, right?

[SOL]

TOM: Um...
CROW: Uh...
JOEL: *whimper*

[Deep 13]

DR. F: Well, you should have. They're all so... so... so cute!

[Dr. F and TV's Frank shudder for a second.]

DR. F: Anyway, I've found a solution to the problem of babies. I've made a
new baby, a better baby! Gentlemen, I give you... the Chia Baby!

[Dr. F whips off the blanket to reveal... well... a Chia Pet shaped like a
baby.]

FRANK: Chia Baby--the baby that grows!

[SOL]

CROW: Um, don't babies grow naturally?
JOEL: *whimper*

[Deep 13]

DR. F: Quiet, you. *Ahem* Anyway, the Chia Baby does everything a normal
baby does, and more!
FRANK: That's right! It sits there just like a baby!
DR. F: It fits in a stroller or crib just like a baby!
FRANK: It's completely clean, and completely safe!
DR. F: That's right, Frank--no messy diapers to change! No getting up in the
middle of the night to give baby his bottle!
FRANK: All this, *and* it takes away Superman's powers!
DR. F: Admittedly, we've had some problems with--Frank, what the hell are
you talking about?
FRANK: Nothing, sir.

[Dr. F looks at Frank strangely, then shrugs.]

DR. F: Admittedly, we've had a few problems capturing the "food inevitably
winds up on his shirt" concept... but still, this is just a prototype.

[Dr. Forester advances on the monitor, throwing the chia baby over his
shoulder without looking back at it. Frank dives off-screen to get it, and
there's a *THUD* and the sound of pottery breaking.]

DR. F: Now, Joel... today's experiment is another offering from that wacky
show about the hapless male and the beautiful superwomen who love him.

[SOL]

TOM: We're getting an I Dream of Jeannie fanfic?

[Deep 13]

DR. F: No! Today's experiment is a Tenchi Muyo fanfic, the Dark Blade Saga!
Part one introduces a brand-new villain to the Tenchiverse, one known only
as... well, you'll see. [smirks]

[Frank walks back onscreen, a few pieces of clay in his hands.]

FRANK: [sniffling] Poor Bombadil...
DR. F: Frank! Send them the story!
FRANK: Yes, your... *sniff* evilness...

[SOL]

TOM/CROW: AUGH! WE'VE GOT FANFIC SIGN!
JOEL: *Whimper*

[Tom and Crow run offscreen. After a moment, they come back and drag Joel
away with them.]

1...
2...
3...
4...
5...
6...

[Joel and the bots file into the theater and take their seats.]

JOEL: I can still hear the voices when I close my eyes...

>  The story and character Knives McGillion are all
>copyrighted by me.  All other characters are
>copyrighted by AIC, PIONEER, etc.

TOM: AIC is God. AIC OWNS YOU! BOW BEFORE THE MIGHT THAT IS AIC!
CROW: Wasn't Knives McGillion a Dick Tracy character?

>                  THE DARK BLADE  SAGA
>              (Part 1   Unwelcome Visitor)

JOEL: Your mother-in-law is back... and this time, she's got FRUITCAKE.

>    Watching the debris of the Soja float amonst space
>through a large glass window stood a new force of evil
>unlike any before.

CROW: So, no job experience, then.
TOM: Technically, he's just an evil intern right now.

>This person was dressed in dark
>shiny robes

TOM: Darth Vader?
JOEL: I don't know if 'shiny' robes are a good idea, though--do you really
want your bad guy to look pretty?

>wrapped around an armor made of hard
>crystonium, a substance not yet known to this side of
>the galaxy.

JOEL: The pitiful inhabitants of Earth have not yet learned of the awesome
power of the Contrivance Elements.

>A helmet shaped like an aligator’s head
>shined like sterling silver with two glowing blood red
>eyes.

TOM: [Ben Stein] Dry, itchy, burning eyes? Try ClearEyes.

>The armor ended from the arms in two gauntlets
>with long sharp claws.  The leg armor ran down to two
>metal talons that were sharp enough to pierce a
>dragon’s skin.

TOM: After tearing the floors in his Fortress of Evil completely to shreds,
he decided to switch to wearing tennis shoes.

>For a few moments he watched the
>wreckage float into the black space and then chuckled
>evily.

JOEL: On what was left of the charred hull of the ship, etched into the
metal, were the words "I lost to a bunch of kids".

>"Gagato...soon the rebirth of the Gaian Masters
>will be complete and then the Jurai will be wiped away
>with a few placed strokes."  he laughed loudly.

TOM: [Evil Guy] Oh, God, "Foxtrot" was hilarious today!
JOEL: He may be laughing on the outside, but he's crying on the inside.
CROW: I thought we were crying on the inside.

>     "WHAT?"  exclaimed the marshal of the galaxy
>police.  One of the detectives had just handed him an
>urgent letter.

TOM: [Marshal] Dear god, I may have already won ten million dollars! Ed
McMahon wouldn't lie!

>The marshal had a look of fear upon his
>face unlike most had ever seen.

JOEL: Most people didn't puff out their cheeks and go "wubba-wubba-wubba"
when they were frightened.

>He sighed and turned
>to the officer behind.  "We’re in deep trouble and if
>we don’t act soon I fear they’ll be severe
>consequences."

TOM: [dramatically] Yes, when someone looks at a broken spaceship, the
Galaxy Police are on the job!

>     The officer was sunk in thought for a moment then
>turned his back to the marshal.  "I agree and what do
>we tell the emperor of Jurai?"

CROW: "Neener neener" sounds good to me.
JOEL: [Officer] Whatever we tell him, can we ask for our back pay first?

>The marshal thought for
>a moment and pushed his long brown hair back.  "If we
>tell them now we could cause a major panick among the
>family

JOEL: The mafia?
CROW: The head of the GP has connections to organized crime?
TOM: The legal system really *is* getting corrupt.

>and to make matters worse what if the media
>found out that the most dangerous criminal Knives
>McGillion was back? "  The marshal shouted.

[Appalled silence.]

TOM: Knives... McGillion? THAT'S who the villain is?
CROW: Our sinister arch-nemesis of the week is an Irish gangster?
JOEL: Hell, if my parents named me Knives, I'd feel like turning to a life
of crime too!

>     The officer startled just slightly from the
>marshal’s tone turned toward him.  "I’m not sure sir."
>he said approaching the officer.

CROW: But he IS the officer!
JOEL: Maybe there's another officer in the room.
TOM: Extras have a knack for popping up when you're not looking.

>"I think he’ll attack
>the Jurai sir, and not only that he’s a pyscho and
>there’s no telling what he’ll do."

TOM: Well---hey, he just told us what he'd do a second ago!
CROW: They're just making things up as they go along!
JOEL: Must be a Friday. I can never get any work done on Fridays.

>     Piling a few papers with notes and scribbles,

TOM: That's it, cover up the Playboys, make the underlings think you do
actual work...

>the
>marshal sank back into his chair and then slammed his
>fist onto the desk.

TOM: [Marshal] This is all your fault, desk! I hate you!
CROW: [officer] Sir, you're abusing the furniture again.

>"Send a urgent message to
>detective first class Mihoshi on the double."  The
>marshal growled.

CROW: The Galaxy Police fleet is powerless! Only Mihoshi can save us now!
TOM: We're screwed.

>"If you don’t remember, Knives
>McGillion wiped out half the fleet that was chasing him
>before they even got within five hundred yards of him."

JOEL: [Marshal] And if that doesn't inspire you to find this guy, nothing
will! Now go out there and be the best cannon fodder you can be!

He sighed.  "Even though that was long ago, rumor has
it that he disappeared for good."

TOM: Um, Joel? Tell me again why the biggest law-enforcement agency in the
universe gets its information from rumors?
JOEL: Remember, they're being backed by the mob---they probably don't want
to become *too* good at catching criminals.
TOM: Ah. That explains Mihoshi, then.

>    The officer chuckled nervously.  "Well, it looks to
>me sir that his vacation is over and he’s paying us all
>a visit."

JOEL: But he leaves the guest room a mess!
TOM: And he always eats all our food!
CROW: And he never comes up with his part of the rent on time!
JOEL: And then there's the way he always goes around killing people...

    "Mihoshi...MIHOSHI!"  The ships computer screamed
at the detective first class to awken her from slumber.

TOM: Quick, hide in the closet! My wife is on her way home!

>    "What...what is it?" she yawned, stretching out a
>bit.
>     "Urgent message from headquarters." The ship’s
>computer shouted.

CROW: [computer] Up and at 'em, Mihoshi! Comb out that hair! Wipe the sleep
out of your eyes! Change out of that skimpy, revealing nightgown and into--
well, okay, the nightgown you can keep...
JOEL: Not *all* robots have hormones, Crow.
CROW: Have you ever checked?

>     Mihoshi cried out. "But I don’t want to answer
>it." she shouted.  "Can’t I sleep for just a few more
>minutes."

TOM: [Mihoshi] I was having the most wonderful dream about Tenchi, and this
saddle, and this big vat of whipped cream...
JOEL: Tom!
TOM: Sorry, Joel. *Ahem* [Mihoshi] I was having the most wonderful dream
about Kiyone, and this saddle, and this big vat of whipped cream...

[Joel sighs.]

JOEL: Why do I even bother trying?

>    The computer growled. "Mihoshi answer them now."  Mihoshi pressed a 
>yellow button on the metal control
>pad of the ship and a screen was displayed in front of
>her.

CROW: Ugh. A built-in TV is extravagant on an S.U.V., and it's extravagant
on a spaceship.

>On the gray screen an image of a galaxy police
>officer appeared with a fearful expression.

JOEL: [Officer] AAAAAHHH! IT'S HORRIBLE! IT'S---oh, it's only you, Mihoshi.
Has anyone ever told you how different you look without your makeup on?

>    "Detective Mihoshi,  we’ve received an urgent
>report that the double A criminal, Knives McGillion was
>spotted near the vacinity of the Soja’s wreckage."

TOM: When not terrorizing the galaxy and killing people who make fun of his
name, Knives likes to collect scrap metal.
JOEL: Oh, yes. Today's villain is a firm believer in the importance of
keeping our galaxy neat and tidy.

>    Soon as the computer heard the name "Knives
>McGillion" a few sparks of fear flew from the panel.

JOEL: A villain so fearsome, computers crash at the mere mention of his
name!
TOM: Bill Gates?
JOEL: *Worse*.

>"No criminal has ever qualified for double A class."

CROW: [Officer] We're pretty sure he made it up. It's less trouble just to
humor him.

>     Mihoshi nodded and saluted the officer. "Detective first class Mihoshi 
>at your service."   she
>smiled.     "Ok Mihoshi your orders are to capture Knives
>McGillion at all costs," said the officer.

JOEL: [Officer] As powerful as Knives McGillion is, the only way anyone
could possibly defeat him would be to openly defy all measures of logic,
sanity, and simple common sense. Naturally, we thought of you.

>"Be advised
>that he’ll most likely attack all those of the royal
>family of Jurai and under NO circumstances are you to
>toy with him."

JOEL: Knives McGillion: New, from Mattel!
CROW: Knives McGillion comes with all you see here, and is not sold in any
store!
TOM: Doctor Knives McGillion, Soccer Knives McGillion, and Malibu Beach
Knives McGillion sold separately.

>    Mihoshi nodded and saluted the officer.  "I’ll do
>my best to capture the dangerous criminal, Knives
>McGillion."

TOM: [Mihoshi] Or rather, my worst, which has always worked so far.
JOEL: Mihoshi triumphs where competence dares not tread.

>     The officer breathed a sigh of relief. "After the
>Gagato and Clay incidents we figured you’d do the job."

CROW: In other words, they're hoping Tenchi, Ryoko and the gang will haul
their butts out of the fire one more time.

>he chuckled.  "We’re sending you the one file of
>information we’ve obtained on Knives McGillion."

TOM: Wait a minute. Every crime and misdeed the main bad guy has ever
committed takes up one measly little file? What kind of half-assed super-
villain *is* this?
CROW: That's the problem with evil. There's no work ethic any more.

>     The computer uttered softly, "One file?"  A
>neverous spark flew from the panel.  "That means that
>they haven’t a clue as to what we’re up against."

JOEL: And again with the sparks!
CROW: Does Mihoshi realize her computer is a fire hazard?
TOM: I dunno, immolating an entire spaceship in flames would be pretty par
for the course, for Mihoshi.

>     Mihoshi smiled. "Don’t worry, with detective first
>class Mihoshi on the case there’s no need for worry."

JOEL: Praying? Sure. Panic? Definitely! But worry? Nahh.

>     The computer chuckled nervously. "That’s what I’m
>afraid of."      Mihoshi turned back to the officer.  "I’m on my
>way sir."
>     The officer jumped up from his chair placing his
>face into the view screen. "Wait Mihoshi."  he shouted.

JOEL: EXTREEEEEEEEEEEME close-up!
CROW: [Officer] Does my complexion look okay to you? I've been thinking I
should moisturize more.

>"I haven’t told you..."   Mihoshi switched off the view
>screen and made ready to head toward the Soja’s
>wreckage.

TOM: Sadly, Mihoshi would never know that the officer was carrying her baby.

>     Back on Earth, Tenchi and his friends would soon
>come to know of a new terror that would befall on them
>soon.

JOEL: Soon, it would soon be approaching. And it would be soon.

>"So Tenchi, ready for another lesson?" smiled
>Tenchi’s grandfather.  Yosho held the wooden sword out
>in front with a firm grip while his face had a wide
>grin.

CROW: Yosho handles his sword pretty well, for a guy his age.
TOM: Yes, and it's always important to keep a firm grip on it. I mean, look
at how much he's smiling!
JOEL: That's enough, you two.

>     Tenchi stared into his grandfather’s eyes with his
>sword held around his left shoulder.  "Ok grandpa,
>ready or not!"  Tenchi rushed toward Yosho with a large
>leap with sword in striking postion.

ALL: GYAH!
TOM: For God's sake, Tenchi, he's your grandfather!
CROW: It's a good thing tenchi's sword isn't any longer, or he could have
done some real damage!
JOEL: Well, I'm sure they're both wearing protection.

[pause]

JOEL: I mean armor, of course.
CROW: Oh, of course.

>Yosho laughed and
>darted to the left avoiding Tenchi’s blow easily
>leaving Tenchi to smack into the nearby tree.  With a
>thud Tenchi ran hit the tree’s trunk and fell
>backwards, hard into the ground.

TOM: [Tenchi] Haha! You see how my clever pretense of ineptitude has lulled
you into a false sense of security! Now then, just give me a moment to stop
the bleeding...

>     "Are you ok Tenchi?" Yosho chuckled..
>      Tenchi rubbed his aching head and slowly came to his feet.

JOEL: [Tenchi] Must... summon... the Light Hawk Asprin!
TOM: When you've got a headache this big...

>"Yeah...I think so." he replied.
>     "When are you going to learn not to rush at an
>opponent." Yosho sighed.  "You leave yourself open for
>mistakes, remember that."

CROW: And running into the tree seemed like such a good idea at the time!

>     Tenchi nodded.  "I guess you’re right grandpa." Tenchi looked toward 
>the house with a slight breeze
>brushing against his shirt.  "I’ve had so much on my
>mind lately."

CROW: [winces] Uh-oh. That's like trying to balance an elephant on a blade
of grass...
TOM: Something's *gotta* give.

>    "Oh?" Questioned Yosho.  "A swordsman always clears
>his mind for the task at hand."

JOEL: [Tenchi] This isn't like the time you told me a swordsman always plays
chicken with oncoming trains, is it?

>    Tenchi smiled.  "Well...I guess."
>    Yosho looked directly at Tenchi waving his wooden
>sword.

JOEL: [Tenchi] ARGH!
TOM: [Yosho] Whoops! Sorry about that, Tenchi. That's going to be an
interesting scar when it heals over...

>"Listen Tenchi, I know that things have changed
>so much since you encountered Gagto but you must live
>with your destiny."

CROW: Gagto? Who's Gagto?
TOM: C'mon, you remember, he was that singing robot from Chrono Trigger.
CROW: Oh yeah, him! ...Wait, now I'm even more confused.
JOEL: Try not to think about it too hard, guys.

>     Tenchi sighed.  "I know grandpa but its just..."
>Just at that moment, Sasami came running up the path
>dressed in a juraian dress.

JOEL: As well as coated in a Juraian coat.
TOM: And skirting a Juraian skirt?
JOEL: Let's not push it.

>Ryo-Ohki sat on Sasami’s
>head meowing loudly in joy.     "Hey you two, dinner’s ready!" Sasami 
>shouted.
>    Yosho chuckled.  "Well Tenchi it appears your
>lesson is over for now but just think about what I told
>you."

TOM: [Tenchi] Gosh, grandpa, will I ever be as smart as you?
CROW: [Yosho] Yeah, right, kid.

>Tenchi waved to his grandfather while Sasami
>tugged on his coat.      "I will grandpa." Tenchi said.
>     "Tenchi, lets hurry before dinner gets cold, ok?"
>Sasami smiled.

CROW: [Tenchi] Well, gee, I'm kind of busy right now, Sasami...
TOM: [Sasami] Do I have to borrow onee-sama's whip?
CROW: [Tenchi] Coming, ma'am.

>Tenchi and Sasami along with the
>cabbit ran along the path back to the house.  Each step
>they took scattered the colorful fall leaves around the
>path.

TOM: Unfortunately, Yosho was hiding bear traps in the leaves lately, in the
belief that Tenchi needed more survival training.

>The trees were just starting to sprout their
>fall colors.  A cold wind blew through the trees
>causing them to shiver just slightly.

CROW: I love fall. All the colors of life, shining brightly...
JOEL: Actually, Crow, those colors signify that the leaves are dying off.
CROW: Oh.

>     “Wow, it’s getting really cold out.”  Sasami
>pulled her cloak tigher against her skin.                                   
>          Tenchi smiled.  "It sure is."

JOEL: [Sasami] T-Tenchi, I'm f-f-freezing...
TOM: [Tenchi] That's nice.
JOEL: [Sasami] I m-mean it! I'm going to c-catch pneumonia!
TOM: [Tenchi] Great!

>   As the two past a a few trees nearby, a dark form
>began to take shape along the path behind the two.

CROW: Oh, great, it's ninja season in Japan.
TOM: [Ninja] We are a hedge. Please move along.

>The dark shadowy mass swirled and twisted, becoming the
>figure of a person.   Appearing from the mass was
>Knives McGillion.

TOM: Along with his goons, Shoulders O'Malley and Vinnie "The Fish" Montoya.

>He grined evily and clutched a
>branch in his right hand crushing it to dust.  "Well,
>well, out of all the galaxies I find you here on this
>planet." he snickered.

CROW: [Knives] Out of all the galaxies in all the universe, you just hadda
walk inta mine...

>"At least there’s no galaxy
>police to mettle in my affairs."  A small squirrel ran
>across the path between the evil McGillion and a nearby
>tree.

CROW: Okay, okay! He's a bad guy! We get the point already! You don't have
to keep telling us in every other paragraph!
JOEL: Deep down inside Knives there's a ballet-watching poet who's just
seriously overcompensating.

>Holding out his left hand a purple light glowed
>brightly and a beam shoots forth hitting the poor
>creature, incinerating it completely.  "Ah, the
>wildlife." he laughed.

TOM: Having felled the mighty Small Squirrel, Knives' dark mission was
complete. He soon returned from whence he came, and the story ended.
CROW: *Please* say the story ended...

>     Back at the house, Tenchi was greeted at the
>doorway by Princess Ayeka wearing her usual colorful
>kimono.  "Welcome back Tenchi." she smiled.

JOEL: [Aeka] Did you get rid of the brat like we pl--oh, Sasami! You're
still alive!

>    "Thank you Ayeka." Tenchi replied.
>     "Is that you Tenchi?" a voice shouted from behind
>the door.
>       “We’re back!” Sasami shouted.
>       Tenchi’s father came the door with a smile and
>laughed loudly.  “Come on you two, dinner’s waiting.”

CROW: [Laughing] Is that you Tenchi! Oh, God, I'm gonna have to write that
one down...

>Tenchi, Sasami, and Ayeka entered the doorway and
>suddenly, Ryoko emerged from the wall, wrapping her
>arms around Tenchi.

CROW: [Tenchi] Um, Ryoko, this stopped being a surprise after the fiftieth
time you did it...
TOM: [Ryoko] What's your point?

>"Miss me?" Ryoko smiled taking
>Tenchi’s face into the palm of her hand. Ayeka’s happy
>face turned to rage as she waved a fist in front of
>Ryoko.  "Now wait just a minute you monster!"

CROW: Oh, that'll show her, Aeka. If a dozen-odd energy blasts don't faze
her, how could waving your fist at her possibly fail?

       Ryoko laughed.  "I was just saying hello to
Tenchi."

JOEL: [Tenchi, angry] Oooh! If I had a spine, I'd be *very* upset right now!

>      Ayeka shoved Ryoko off Tenchi.  "I’m not going to
>have you pestering Tenchi today." she snapped at Ryoko. "I won’t stand for 
>it."
>      Sasami sighed.  "Will you two stop fighting?"

TOM: Aww, but it's so romantic! In a possessive, crazed, sociopathic way.
JOEL: Sure, they destroy his house every other day. But they do it with
love.

>      "At it again you two?" said a voice out of the
>thin air.

JOEL: Oh, God, the voices are back! The horrible, horrible voices! ARRGH!
CROW: [Tenchi] Yes, mother, I'm *going* to kill them...

>A large wooden door appeared in front of
>them and slowly opening revealing the greatest
>scientific genius in the universe, Washu. "Can’t leave
>you two alone for five minutes." she chuckled.  "Hello
>there Tenchi." Washu smiled happliy.
>     Suddenly, out of the air a chilling voice boomed
>out over the room.  “I’ve seem to have found you.” The
>voice echoed with a hidious laugh.

TOM: Hee hee hee! *Snort*

>     Tenchi’s father looked around the room.  "Who’s
>there?"

CROW: [Nobuyuki] All right, another alien babe! Score!

>     "Allow me to introduce myself."  the voice echoed.

CROW: Allow myself to introduce... myself.
TOM: Some call me... Tim?

>A dark misty form arose from the floor and changed into
>a human form.  Arising from the floor is a figure
>dressed in dark robes with a strange crafted metallic
>armor.

CROW: The armor was dark, too.
JOEL: So, just to recap, something's arising from the floor. And it's dark.

>The strange aligator helmet flashed it two
>glaring red eyes at Washu and then Ryoko.  "Now is that
>better?" the stranger smiled.

JOEL: What, through the helmet?
TOM: Well, an alligator is always grinning, in a way...

>     Ryoko’s face nearly turned pale white and she
>jumped out in front of Tenchi.

CROW: So she turned sort of a pinkish-whitish color, then?
TOM: I guess.
JOEL: Thrill as the characters ALMOST EMOTE!

>“It can’t be!” her look
>on the stranger was one of sheer terror.  “I can’t
>believe you found us, and here I thought the royal
>family of Jurai made space dust out of you.”

TOM: [Knives] It *did*. You look upon the largest sentient dust bunny in
recorded history!

>     The stranger chuckled.  "Do you really think that
>I, Knives McGillion, can be destroyed by the royal
>family of Jurai?"  he laughed.  "I think not."

[Crow shakes his head.]
CROW: I'm sorry, but that would sound a lot more impressive if he was named
something else.
JOEL: Has he even got a knife?

>     Washu walked before McGillion angerily.  "Do you
>think you can just drop in here?"       McGillion floated toward Washu, 
>hovering just
>above the floor.  "Professor Washu, I take it you know
>what I want?"

TOM: A better name?

>     Washu pointed at McGillion.  "I refuse to help a
>vile and pyschotic being such as yourself."

JOEL: [Washu] There's only room for one vile and psychotic being in this
house, and that's me!

>     McGillion growled at the professor.   Ayeka pushed
>aside Ryoko and glanced at the dark visitor.  "I as the
>royal princess of planet Jurai, find your intrusion
>quite rude."  Ayeka shouted.

CROW: Has Knives actually done anything yet?
JOEL: So far, he's just stood there and taken insults.

>      "Well, well, Princess Ayeka herself and here this
>was the last place I thought I’d find you."

TOM: Funny, if I was trying to find a female alien, Tenchi's house would be
the first place I'd look.

>      McGillion grinned.  “Your family’s days of reign
>are nearing to an end princess and then I’ll have all
>the power I need.”      Washu grinned.  “What makes you think I’ll help
>you?”

CROW: [Knives] Um, was I talking to you?
TOM: [Aeka] Honestly, miss Washu, we are *trying* to have a conversation...

>     McGillion chuckled.  “I take it you don’t remember
>our dual?  he said, landing on the ground.  "I nearly
>killed you with my dark powers and I spared Ryoko’s
>worthless existence after she failed on her attack. on
>the planet Jurai."

JOEL: [Washu] Um, no, that's not what I remember at all... wait, weren't you
that guy who ran away crying after I smacked him around a bit?
TOM: [Knives] Well, it was a victory in spirit!

>    Ayeka shouted out.  “But that was Gagato’s doing!” she questioned the 
>dark visitor.  “I’ve never heard of
>you.”
>     McGillion turned to Ayeka.  “Gagato was one of us,
>the Gaian Masters.”  he laughed.  “Our sole purpose has
>been to capture the final key to releasing the demon,
>Dark Force.

CROW: Oh, good, our villain's gone into his "exposition" phase.
JOEL: Next he'll put Tenchi in an elaborate deathtrap while he leaves to
implement his master plan.

>    Washu was stunned and sunk deep in thought.

TOM: [Knives] So then, after we release Dark Force, we will easily destroy
the universe by--hey, pay attention to me!

>"Knives, I no longer serve you or your causes!" Ryoko
>shouted.  "I have no intention of leaving with you so
>get out of here!"

CROW: Back, foul cutlery! Get thee to the kitchen from whence ye came!

 >    Suddenly, a green blast erupted from MacGillion’s
>hand, knocking the space pirate against the wall hard,
>placing a large crack down its center.

TOM: [Knives] Does this bug you? I'm not touching you...

>Tenchi rushed
>to Ryoko’s side and checked on her with concern. "Ryoko...Ryoko, are you 
>alright?" Tenchi looked her in
>the face.      "I’m....ok...Tenchi." she spoke softly.

JOEL: [Tenchi] Who cares about you? Look what you did to my wall!

>     Tenchi approaced McGillion.  “I won’t allow you to
>harm my friends.”
>     McGillion laughed.  “And who might you be little
>man?”

TOM: Is it just me, or has Knives laughed, chuckled, giggled, or guffawed
after every other line he has?
JOEL: He's a very jolly kind of evil.

>     Tenchi pulled the sword Tenchi in front and its
>blue beam came forth.  MacGillion expression of
>laughter turned to pure hate.  “That
>sword...you...bastard.” he sneered.  “It was you that
>slayed my brother Gagato!”  McGillion shouted.

TOM: ...Wait. Waitwaitwait. Brother?
JOEL: So, his parents named one of their sons Kagato, and they named the
other one... Knives.
CROW: You'd think getting a son like Knives would be enough to make anyone
swear off having children, but no...

>"I’ve
>awaited my time to take my revenge on you boy, time for
>you to face your maker."

CROW: Pioneer?
JOEL: That would be their dubber.
TOM: Maybe Knives is going to introduce them to the artists?

>With those words McGillion
>unsheathed a sword from his side and to everyone’s
>surprise, it was exactly like Tenchi’s, only a dark
>gray color.  "Allow me to introduce you to the sword
>Dark Tenchakan.

JOEL: Oh my God, it's GRAY! The Earth is doomed!
TOM: Wait, wait... what does the sword look like again?

>     Ayeka gasped.  "That sword...it looks indentical
>to the master key!"

TOM: Oh! Thanks for clearing that up.

>     McGillion’s laughter reigned out.

CROW: McGillion's laughter is a king?
JOEL: Yes, Knives's laughter rules Japan with an iron fist. Well, an iron
diaphragm.

>"How correct
>you are princess, its a pitty you won’t live long
>enough to tell anyone about it."

JOEL: [Knives] Haha! I'll bore you to death with my plot exposition!

>      Sasami ran to Tenchi.  "What are you going to do
>Tenchi?"  Sasami cried out.  "I’m afraid of what he’ll
>do to you."

TOM: [Sasami] He's going to make vague threats at you, I just know it!

>      Tenchi stood in front of the girls with an angry
>expression.  "You won’t touch any of them over my dead
>body."  he shouted.
>      "That can be arranged fool!" McGillion laughed.

JOEL: No, no, he said you *couldn't* touch them over his dead body. Weren't
you listening?
CROW: [Tenchi, whiny] You can have the girls, just let me liiiiiiiive!

>     Washu grabbed Tenchi by the shoulder.  "Tenchi,
>he’s too strong, even for you."  she glanced at
>McGillion for a moment.  "I don’t want him to kill
>you."

JOEL: Aww... Washu really does care about Tenchi!
TOM: Actually, I think she was talking to Knives.
JOEL: Oh. Never mind.

>     Ryoko stood in front of Tenchi.  “Tenchi, I’m not
>going to let this guy touch you at any cost!” she said,
>forming her energy sword.  Ryo-Ohki leaped from
>Sasami’s head and hissed at McGillion standing by
>Ryoko’s side.  Ryoko approached McGillion.  “If you
>want Tenchi you have to go through me.”  she waved her
>fist.

JOEL: [Ryoko] Heh heh heh... you might have a contrivance-y sword, and
armor, and a mist form, and energy bolts, and the ability to fly, and a
weird complicated backstory, but *I* can shake my fist! [shakes his fist]

>     “And I as well.” Ayeka said, standing at Ryoko’s
>side, holding her energy field just in front of them. “I demand that you 
>leave McGillion!” Ayeka shouted.
>      McGillion glanced at the princess and laughed. "It’ll take more than 
>the both of you to deal with my
>powers."

JOEL: [Ryoko] Oh, yeah? Well, try this on for size! [waves his fist faster]

>      "How about me?" a voice said, coming from behind
>McGillion.

CROW: And the mailman enters the fight!
JOEL: "Um, hi, folks? I've got a letter for---ARRGH!" *ZAP*
CROW: And the mailman leaves the fight!

>      Tenchi saw the man standing behind was his
>grandfather with a wooden sword held in front. "Grandpa!" Tenchi shouted.

TOM: [Tenchi, happily] You've come to rescue me and impart words of wisdom
while leaving me to do all the hard work myself again!

>      "Greetings Prince Yosho." McGillion chuckled.  "I
>bet you’re surprised to see me?"

JOEL: [Knives] I'll admit, the wig is a bit of a shock... but I think I look
good as a blond.

>      Yosho grinned.  "I thought you’d might turn up
>again."  Yosho smiled.  "I take it you enjoyed your
>exile in the abyss?"

TOM: [Yosho, darkly] Did you get your complimentary FRUIT BASKET?

>       McGillion began glowing with a purple light and
>growled.  "I’ll kill you Yosho and this boy." he
>laughed.  "Then Tsunami will feel my wrath and then
>you’ll pay for what you did to me."

CROW: Oh, yet another villain with a past connection to the good guys...
haven't ever seen that before.
JOEL: [Knives] Tonight I shall avenge the death of my father, Spoons!

>       Washu clapped slightly with a smirk.  “Poor
>thing.”  she laughed.  Ryoko turned to Washu.  “You
>know you’re just getting him extremely steamed!”       McGillion waved his 
>fist at the professor.  "I
>want the mass device."

JOEL: Woo! More fist-waving action!
TOM: You go, Knives! Shake that fist!
CROW: Um... we're being sarcastic, right?
TOM: Don't complain, it's better than more exposition.

>With those words MacGillion
>darted through the air and with one quick move, picked
>up the young princess Sasami, grabbing her by the arm
>and with his dark powers, passed through the wall like
>it wasn’t even there..

JOEL: There were a few moments of embarassed silence before Knives opened a
window and pulled Sasami through it.

>     Ayeka screamed. "SASAMI!"
>     Washu rushed to the window.  "You fiend, taking
>alittle girl as a hostage!"

CROW: [Washu] That's brilliant! I mean, that's horrible!

>     McGillion turned and grinned from outside the
>window.  “How do you like my ability to pass through
>walls as well as carrying another person with me.” he
>laughed.

TOM: And he just won't stop laughing! What, is he on something? Is Tenchi's
dad off-camera making faces at him? Is he replaying episodes of the Simpsons
in his head? What?!

>“Don’t worry about Princess Sasami, if you
>bring me the device, she’s yours.”  he cackled.
>“You have twenty-four hours and thats all.”

CROW: Wait a second... he's got Sasami, he's got Washu right there... why
doesn't he just have her bring him the Mass device now?
JOEL: Well, if he did that, the others wouldn't have time to mount a daring
rescue mission, now would they?
CROW: Oh, alri... wait, what the hell kind of sense does that make?

[Joel and Tom shake their heads.]

TOM: You really don't understand the criminal mind, do you, Crow?

>     Sasami struggled within the vile villian’s arms.
>“Tenchi!” she cried.  “Help me Tenchi!”   McGillion in
>a blink of an eye fades into a mass of shadows along
>with the princess and vanishes without a trace.  Tenchi
>rushes out the door.

CROW: [Tenchi] Um, uh... and stay out! I guess I showed him...

>    “Sasami!” he shouted.
>     Ayeka cried out.  “What are we going to do?”

JOEL: Well, trying to stop the villain might have been a good move.

>     Yosho grabbed Ayeka by the shoulders.  “Don’t
>worry.”  he smiled.  “Tenchi will get her back, right
>Tenchi?” Yosho smiled at Tenchi.

CROW: [Tenchi] Well, to be honest, Sasami's cooking was kind of going down-
hill lately...
JOEL: [Yosho] Tenchi!
CROW: [Tenchi] Yessir.

>     Tenchi still stunned at Sasami’s kiddnapping
>turned to his grandfather.  “This is my fault.”  he
>said, clasing his left hand into a fist.  “I should’ve
>done something.”

TOM: [Tenchi] I should have waved my fist at him!

>     Ryoko walked over to Tenchi and held him in her
>arms while Ayeka cried on Yosho’s
>shoulders.  "It wasn’t your fault Tenchi."  She nugged
>him in the shoulder.    "Let’s go get her Tenchi."

CROW: Uh... Joel? How do you 'nug'  somebody?
JOEL: Maybe when you're older, Crow.

>     Ayeka wiped her tears away, turning to Tenchi. “Tenchi, you will save 
>Sasami, won’t you?”
>      Tenchi looked at his sword and smiled at Ayeka. “Of course Ayeka, I 
>owe Sasami for helping me against
>Gagato.”  Tenchi looked up at the cloudy sky.  “I’m not
>about to let McGillion harm any of you, I swear it.”

CROW: Wasn't that what he said just before the bad guy kidnapped Sasami?

>     Ayeka sad expression uttered a smile.  “Tenchi...”
>     Yosho grinned.  “Before you take off I think you
>should know about your opponent.”

TOM: [Yosho] He's a Pisces, who enjoys long walks on the beach and fireside
chats. His turn-ons are incongruous maniacal laughter and the color gray,
and his turn-offs are people who wave their fists at him!

>     Washu smiled.  "Tenchi, I have no recollection of
>McGillion, only once did Gagato ever mention him." Washu sighed.  "However, 
>in my dreams he appears in a
>dark shadowy form and calls my name."

ALL: GYAH!
JOEL: That's, um, really more than we needed to know.
TOM: [Washu] Ooh, he's just such a *babe*...

>      Ryoko turned to Washu.  “Then how did he know all
>about you?”
>      Washu turned to Yosho.  “I’ve no clue, but
>perhaps grandpa can tell us all about him.”
>      Yosho coughed slighty.  “Many years ago on planet
>Jurai,  existed a secret organization called the Gaian
>Masters.

CROW: You know, one of those secret organizations everybody knew about.
TOM: I never knew the Planeteers had a Jurai branch.

>Their sole mission was to resurect a demon
>called Dark Force.  At the head of Masters was an evil
>man named Eric McGillion, before he had been a
>promising warrior.  One day, by accident, his sister
>was killed by a collasping cave.
>As a desperate attempt he asked the Jurai Emperor, my
>father to resurect her.

JOEL: [Emperor] Pfft. Yeah, sure, Eric.
TOM: [Eric] Hey, you're supposed to call me Knives! I'm all cool and
evil and stuff!
JOEL: [Emperor] Whatever, Eric.

>He believed the Jurai power
>was able to do such a task.  In fact this wasn’t
>possible.

CROW: [Yosho] You ask us to turn on a lightsaber, and we're all over it, but
other than that...

>I knew Eric and it was I who got him to see
>the king.   Our friendship had been long until that
>day, after that he refused to believe the truth and the
>pain of his sister’s death led him to dark magics.  It
>was there that he made a terrible mistake.  By
>summoning dark demons from a book he knew nothing
>about,

CROW: Well, besides how to summon dark demons from it.
JOEL: [Eric] Hmm, lessee, "Witchcraft for Dummies"...

>they consumed him.

CROW: And he was a little stringy, but good with mustard.

>The man that Eric once was
>came to an end.  The demons somehow brought out all his
>inner anger and the need for revenge grew."
>     “So he blames us for his sister’s death?”  Ayeka
>questioned.
>      Yosho nodded.  “Indeed.  The demons even altered
>his form and made him believe it was the royal family’s
>fault.

JOEL: They also got him audited, TPed his house, and tied his shoelaces
together, but what *really* got him steamed was when they told him the king
was sleeping with his girlfriend...

>And thus Eric McGillion became the vile
>criminal Knives McGillion."

TOM: And so he chose a name calculated to strike fear in the hearts of all
that was right and good. Sadly, the best he could come up with was "Knives".
JOEL: Really, aren't knives a little low-tech for the Jurai Empire?
Shouldn't he be calling himself Dimensional Cannons McGillion or Lighthawk
Wings McGillion?

>      "But grandpa, didn’t you try and stop him?"
>Tenchi glanced at Yosho.

TOM: [Yosho] Well, you see, Tenchi, sometimes a true warrior has to hide
under a blanket until the whole thing blows over...

>      “Yes Tenchi, I tried.  What resulted was a
>terrible duel and he bested me. Eric had new dark
>powers and they were able to overcome my swordsmanship.

CROW: [Tenchi] Gee, grandpa, you're a wimp, aren't you?
JOEL: [Yosho] Shut up, kid.

>After that, he began a rampage throughout the universe,
>destroying all with Jurai’s name.  The galaxy police
>couldn’t stop him leaving one alternative.

TOM: Run and hide?

>Tsunami
>used her power and tricked McGillion, sending him into
>the abyss, a dimension of no return.

TOM: I like my idea better.
CROW: [Tsunami] Oh, Knives? I think there's some candy in that black hole
over there... don't you want to fly really, really close to it and check?

>I thought it
>would come to an end.  Then again nothing with that
>amount of power could be held within that prison.” Yosho sighed.

CROW: [Yosho] I really deserve a bigger role in the series than just plot
exposition...

>      “How does Gagato and Dark Force fit into this?” Washu looked into 
>Yosho’s face.
>      "Gagato was infact Eric’s brother, and the fact
>that the Jurai banished him, this might have pushed
>Gagato into what he became.

JOEL: For with Knives gone, there was no one to make Kagato look good by
comparison.

>Gagato not only wanted to
>seize the powers of the gems and Tsunami, he wanted to
>bring back McGillion.  Somehow he succeeded seven
>hundred years ago.

CROW: Hey, I thought it was a Dimension of No Return!
JOEL: Well, it is, except for Alternate Tuesdays.

>As for Dark Force, he’s an ancient
>demon capable of destroying galaxies at will.”  Yosho
>replied.
>     “I see.”  Washu chuckled.

TOM: [Washu] Ah, destroying galaxies is fun... not that I'd know, of course.

>“My mass device is a
>cloning device, allowing one to simply revive a person
>using just a spec of DNA.”  Washu chuckled.  “So thats
>why he wanted it of course but that doesn’t explain how
>he knows me.”

JOEL: Maybe because his brother was your apprentice for a few thousand
years? I dunno, just a thought...

>      “This all seems really confusing,” Tenchi sighed.
>      "The Gaian Masters just wanted to set themselves
>up as dummy gods."  Washu smirked.  "Well, we have to
>put a wrench into Mr. Aligator Head’s plans."

CROW: Zing! Good insult, Washu! [muttering] Greatest scientific genius in
the universe, my ass...
TOM: The sad thing is, Mr. Alligator Head is still a better nickname than
Knives.
JOEL: At least it makes sense.

>       Nobuyuki grabbed Tenchi by the arm.  “You’re
>doing a brave thing going after Sasami and protecting
>these women.”  he said, with a slight tear growing in
>his eye.  “Just becareful.”

JOEL: That's Nobuyuki-speak for "you did bring a condom, right?"

>       "Tenchi, I don’t know how much powerful
>McGillion has gained since we last fought."  Yosho
>turned his back to them.

CROW: [Yosho] His skills at laughing and fist-waving have gone completely
off the scale!

>"I believe his true power has
>yet to be witnesed."

JOEL: After all, any sane person enters life-or-death struggles using only a
fraction of their strength.

>        Tenchi held his sword tight and looked at the
>furry cabbit down below.

ALL: [Clear throats]
JOEL: Well, um, that's... a nice word for it.
CROW: I'm not going there. I am *not* going there.

>“I’m going to need you to get
>me to McGillion, Ryo-Ohki.”   The cabbit responded with
>a smile a few meows and Tenchi knew he had his ride.

CROW: Sweet! You know chicks dig the cabbit.
TOM: Um... did the bad guy ever actually tell them where to meet him?

[pause]

JOEL: And three dozen light years away, Knives slaps his forehead and turns
the Death Cruiser around.

>         Ayeka grasped Tenchi by the arm and laid her
>head on his shoulder.  “Take me with you Tenchi.”  she
>begged him.  “I’ll stand beside you.”

CROW: [Tenchi] Can I hide behind you instead?

>          Tenchi smiled at Ayeka.  “It may be too
>dangerous and I don’t want McGillion to capture both of
>you.”
>          Ryoko growled with her face turning red with
>rage.  “Knock it off Ayeka, Tenchi is doing this for
>our sake, not yours.”

JOEL: [Tenchi] Actually, I'm doing this for Sasami.
CROW: [Ryoko] Who?

>          Ayeka giggled and grinned at Ryoko.  "Tenchi
>is doing this for me, after all as a decendent of Jurai
>its his duty to protect us."

TOM: Some people would view the kidnapping of a beloved sister as a time for
sorrow. Aeka, on the other hand, views it as an opportunity to make catty
remarks.
JOEL: Well, at least she knows what her priorities are...

>          Ayeka and Ryoko were face to face, each ready
>to beat up the other.  Washu stepped in between the two
>and shoved them aside.

TOM/CROW: [chanting] Jer-ry! Jer-ry! Jer-ry!

>          “Listen you two, we have no time for this!” Washu shouted into 
>their faces.
>          “Sorry, you’re right,” Ryoko and Ayeka
>replied.
>          “Good luck Tenchi.”  Yosho said, leaving the
>house.

TOM: [Yosho] I'd love to help, but I need to, um... purify the shrine. Let
me know how it works out, okay?

>           Tenchi and the gang quickly left outside and
>the cabbit jumped into the blue sky, transforming into
>the spiky pointed spaceship.

JOEL: We need OhkiZord power, now!

>A yellow beam engulfed
>the group

CROW: That "yellow beam" had better not be what I think it is.
JOEL: Crow, ew!
TOM: Darn it, Ryo-Ohki, you should have taken care of that *before* we were
about to leave!

>carrying them up into the ship.           "Ok, lets pay McGillion a visit." 
>  Ryoko grinned
>at Tenchi.

TOM: Yes! Haha! And we shall send him into the Dimension of No Return Mark
II And This Time We Really Mean It!
CROW: I don't know... aren't they kind of outmatched against something the
entire GP fleet couldn't stop?
JOEL: Don't worry, Crow. If there's one thing video games have taught me,
it's that a single man can succeed easily where an entire army would be
helpless. As long as he has a plentiful supply of 1-UPs, at least.
CROW: Huh.
JOEL: And on that note, let's get going.

[Joel picks up Tom, and the three exit.]

6...
5...
4...
3...
2...
1...

[Bridge of the SOL. Joel and the bots are standing around talking, when a
deep voice cues up.]

JOEL: So then the first guy says, "but officer, I've never seen those pants
before in my"--
VOICE: Joel Robinson...
JOEL: Um, yes?

[There's a puff of smoke, and a space pirate in a dark grey zoot suit
appears on the bridge, carrying a violin case. He also bears an unusual
resemblance to Mike Nelson. But he's a space pirate.]

TOM: [gasps] O'Hara the Fork!
CROW: O'Hara the wha?
TOM: He's the most dangerous criminal in the galaxy!
O'HARA: At last I have found you, Joel Robinson!
JOEL: Um. Hi?

[O'Hara waves his fist at Joel.]

O'HARA: The Interociter! Where is it?
JOEL: So that's what you're after!
CROW: We've got an Interociter?
TOM: Shh.
JOEL: You'll never get it from me!
O'HARA: Oh, you won't talk, will you? Well, how about...

[O'Hara opens his violin case and pulls out a lightsaber.]

O'HARA: This! [lightsaber noises]
JOEL: You don't scare me! Take... this! [waves his fist]
O'HARA: Grr... oh, yeah? Well... [waves his fist]
JOEL: Argh!

[The mads' light starts to flash.]

TOM: Oh, great, not again...

[Tom bends over and hits the button with his beak.]

[Deep 13. TV's Frank is in the foreground, kneeling in front of a stool with
the remains of Chia Baby on it. In one hand is a tube of crazy glue.]

FRANK: It's alright, Bombadil... daddy's here. I'll fix you...

[Dr. F walks onscreen and knocks over the stool. Chia Baby shatters. Again.]

DR. F: Frank! Has the experiment finished y--ah, I see. Feeling awful,
Robinson? Good! Because this is only the beginning, Joel, there are FOUR
MORE CHAPTERS where that came from!

[SOL. Joel and the space pirate are still waving their fists at each other.]

O'HARA: Your technique is impressive, for a human... but still no match for
mine!
TOM: This, um, really isn't a good time.
JOEL: Ha! I have not yet begun to shake!

[Deep 13. Frank stares at the pottery shards littering the ground.]

FRANK: *sniff* *sniff*
DR. F: Not a good time? Let me tell you something, gumball machine, I am the
god! Not you, not your little robot friends, not whoever Joel is swinging
his arm at, me! And another thing--
FRANK: WAAAAAAAHHHH!
DR. F: Oh, for--what are you crying about now?
FRANK: B... B... Bombadil... h-he's...
DR. F: Oh, I don't even want to know. Push the button, Frank.

[Frank, still crying, walks over to the controls and hits the button. Dr. F
turns and walks away, stepping on a piece of Chia Baby with a loud *crunch*.
Frank's lower lip quivers.]

[*FWOOOOOOOSH*]

FRANK: WAAAAAAHHHH!