MST Party! Special Edition Yet Another Party for MSTers thrown by the Bumblebee Disclaimer: I don't own Tenchi or any related characters. They belong to some richer-than-all-heaven executives and some dirt-poor artists and thinkers. I don't own the fics we MST either; they are the sole propery of the authors who wrote them, God help them. Anyway, the guests are all my friends (albeit with obvious name changes) and you simply cannot have them because they are the only ones I've got, and at the rate I'm going they won't last long. Welcome to the melee. The Guests: The Bumblebee: aka Bee. I try to be nice...most of the time Lady Kaguya: kimono-wearing deity of grammar-check LT: goddess of old jokes and swordplay Jay: always tries to weasel out of staying, even though the food's great Blue: a good friend with a bad mouth Eggy: Killer Deadly Fatal Rodent Squirrel of Death. That pretty much says it all. Tuba: X-rated degenerate brass instrument In the beginning... Bee: Okay, guys, we're going to MST a crossover tonight. Tuba: What crossed with what? Bee: It's a Tenchi-Warhammer 40k fic. (Everyone blinks.) Eggy: What's Warhammer 40k? Bee: Umm....to be honest, I have no idea. But we're just going to pretend we do, okay? You see, this author asked that we MST their fic so I think we should try to be nice for once. (Everyone blinks again.) Lady Kaguya: They...requested...that we... Blue: It's suicide. Fanfic sacrifice. Jay: Maybe they're a sado-masochist or something. (A brief pause.) Bee: Right, Jay. Jay: I mean... Tuba: I'm a sado-masochist. LT: That is something I'd rather not have known... Tuba: What happened to the one I picked out? The Magical Pretty Noboyuki something... Bee: (sweatdrops) Heh, heh, heh. You know what, I think we should get started... LT: What's Warhammer again? <_"Legalise crap: I donY?Tt own Tenchi Muyo (pioneer does), Lady Kaguya: Whoa, whoa, hold it! What are all these weird symbols? Bee: You'll just have to grin and bear it, Lady. They're spread throughout the fic. LT: It would simply be too time-consuming to mention all of them. or Warhammer (Games-Workshop does), Blue: I forgot. What's Warhammer? Bee: Remember, Blue, we're pretending. Jay: Like they do on Pee-Wee's Playhouse. Lady Kaguya: Hey, that's a good idea for a crossover! Bee: Let's continue, please... or the world for that matter(the evil top-secret Kaplakestanese government does), Blue: That's who I work for. Bee: Huh? Blue: Never mind. Lady Kaguya: Where's Kaplakestan? but I have always wondered why nobody ever made a Tenchi Muyo-Warhammer 40k crossover fanfiction. Eggy: Perhaps because no one knows what Warhammer 40k is... Jay: I'll do some research on it. I'll be at the library. Bee: Nice try, but no. Jay: Da... Bee: I still have some censoring bars leftover. Jay: ...ngit. so, here goes my first attempt at a fic........ Eggy: And we wish you the best of luck. LT: Hang on, Bee. You didn't say this author was a newbie. Tuba: A virgin in the world of MSTs. Bee: We could do without the imagery. Blue: Why must he link everything with...? LT: It's just the way his mind is wired. Lady Kaguya: I can almost hear the circuits blowing. (As all Tenchi Muyo fics start off with) It was a typical day in the Masaki household. Jay: Ha. No such thing. Lady Kaguya: Faux pas! Generalization! Not all begin with "It was a typical day in the Masaki household." Bee: For example, yours? Lady Kaguya: VeggieTaaaales! VeggieTaaales! Tenchi was at school, Mihoshi was playing video games, Ryoko and Aeka were beating the living snot out of each other, Eggy: Living snot: a parasitic mucus inhabiting...wait, there's Mihoshi's picture right beside the definition. and Washu was in her lab working on yet another transdimensional gateway (ever notice how all the crossover fics start with Washu making a transdimensional gateway?) LT: Actually, no. I try to avoid reading fics of any kind at all costs. Bee: Would you kill? LT: Yes. (Levels Master Sword) Free me from this dungeon, fiend. Bee: Have some Twizzlers. LT: Oh, thank you. Late that evening, when Tenchi FINALLY got home, he was greeted with the daily routine of Ryoko teleporting next/above/around him and gloming him, followed shortly by, Blue: Gloming? What's gloming? Tuba: I know what gloming is. Care for me to demonstrate? Blue: Gaah! Get your hands off me, lecher! (Blue kicks Tuba in the face and beats him with marimba mallets.) Bee: Oh dear. The carpet's stained. LT: Funny. Usually Tuba doesn't get started until at least two or three paragraphs into a fic. Y?oGet your hands off him, you ugly wench!Y?? from Aeka. Y?owhat did you just call me?Y?? Jay: More like "What did you just say?" Bee: The author didn't do this on purpose...I think... Y?oI called you an ugly wench.Y?? Eggy: Ha! Take that! Tenchi did the usual Y?~duck and coverY?T routine into the house shortly before explosions were heard outside along with the occassional 'OW!' or 'YouY?Tll pay for that!' Tenchi didnY?Tt really feel like listening to the battle raging outside, so he sat down on the couch(next to a snoring Mihoshi) and turned the playstation off, and then started to watch TV. Lady Kaguya: (as Tenchi) Ooh! 'Relentlessness is Everywhere!' It's my favorite TV program! Tuba: I didn't know they had a Playstation. LT: Playstation sucks. Gamecube forever! (Thrusts Master Sword upwards and gets caught in ceiling fan) Ahhhhh! Eggy: I have a Playstation. Jay: Is that so? The first one or the second one? Bee: Someone turn the fan off! Please, before LT pukes! (At this moment the ceiling fan stops. LT clings to it for a moment before the entire thing comes crashing down in an electrical, tangled mess.) Bee: Good god. LT: (needless to say, very dizzy) N-nn-nobody h-hh-help. I-I'm f-ff-fine. Lady Kaguya: Here, give me your hand. (LT reaches for Lady Kaguya's hand, and they are both electrocuted.) He had been watching it for about 5 minutes when all of a sudden, a bright red light came in through the window and engulfed the TV with a loud Y?~BOOM!Y?T(not even this could wake up Mihoshi, though) Jay: "...a bright red light came in through the window and engulfed the TV with a loud Y?~BOOM!Y?T..." Eggy: So, you want to know about the Big Bang? It was this bright red light and very loud boom... Bee: (still trying to help LT and Lady Kaguya)Somebody call a doctor! Tuba: Or a funeral home. when the dust settled, all that was left was half a TV frame, bits of glass embedded in various places in the walls, and a lot cleaning up to do. Jay: Who needs an interior decorator when all you need is an explosion every now and then? Eggy: (as interior decorator) I like what you've done with the place, Tenchi. Very unique. Very chic. I especially like that half-a-TV frame over there. Very individual. But the blonde on the couch? No, no, no! She must go! Bee: Guys, a little help here would be hot. Jay: We just want to get this thing over with. LT: Well, if y-yy-you haven't n-nn-noticed, I'm on f-ff-fire. Bee: It's a small one. Nothing to worry about. Someone get some baking soda. He started pouting about how he is ever going to afford new stuff if it gets destroyed within a week, Blue: Try Rainbow Rentals. when Washu burst out of her laboratory and announced, Y?o I have made a new transdimensional gateway!Y?? Jay: Wow, I didn't see that one coming! (betcha didnY?Tt see that one coming, did ya? :) Doc Daneeka: Did someone call for a doctor? Blue: Actually, yes. Doc Daneeka: I see. (observes ceiling fan wreckage in the center of the room) Well, it will take a lot of ripping you people off, but I think I can do it. Eggy: Somehow, that guy seems vaguely familiar... After the house was finally cleaned up from todayY?Ts skirmish, everyone(except Noboyuki, who I just donY?Tt like, and Katsuhito, who was busy up at the shrine) went to Washu's lab. Bee: I admit I'm not too fond of Noboyuki myself. Noboyuki: Well, I've become quite attached to you. Bee: Ack! Someone help, he's back again! (Glances at Tuba) You...have...to...oh, great. (Tuba and Noboyuki are fascinated by two small plastic dolls, male and female, that Doc Daneeka brought with him.) Doc Daneeka: So, to explain this medically, the male... Tuba: Just skip to the part where the female does that... Bee: Oh, no, you don't! (Bee leaps into the air, wielding censoring bars in one hand and some cord from the ceiling fan in the other) Hiya! (Tuba, Noboyuki, and Doc Daneeka are blindfolded and gagged with censoring bars. They are also wrapped in electrical cord, which shocks them periodically.) Eggy: I know that guy! He's from Catch-22! Blue: Who, Tuba? Eggy: No, the doctor. He's from that book. Bee, Blue & Jay: Oh. Washu announced, Y?oI have made a new Transdimentional Gateway!Y?? Lady Kaguya: That may have been quite an accomplishment if "transdimensional" was spelled correctly. Bee: Feeling better? Jay: Maybe it's in the dictionary. Transdimentional: adjective. It means you are caught in an awful crossover fanfic. Blue: Are we, though? Eggy: Great. Ryoko muttered, Y?oGreat, another one?Y?? but she apparently forgot about her psychic link with Washu, and was shortly(pun intended) a small, blue, duck- billed water sprite, quacking and running all over the lab. Bee: Shoot. I didn't know we were dealing with a punster. Jay: A very bad one, at that. Eggy: Quickly, we must get the anti-pun guns! (Bee, Jay, and Lady Kaguya sweatdrop.) Lady Kaguya: Now we have two punsters. Eggy: Oh, come on, guys! I didn't mean it! Bee: I am hereby withholding your Twizzlers ration and sentencing you to fifty years of MSTing in solitary confinement. Jay: That means... Eggy: No! No! Anything but that! Bee: Yes! You alone must MST fics by the Evergreen Cortex! Eggy: Noooooo! Washu continued, Y?oAs I was saying, before I was so rudely intterupted(gets some unprintable words sent to her from Ryoko via the psychic link) Bee: Good! I don't have to waste any more censoring bars, then! I have created a new Transdimensional Gateway, Lady Kaguya: Now the author spells it right! (smile) Blue: Too bad they spelled "interrupted" wrong earlier. or TDG for short. Jay: Makes life easy. My new version of the TDG can send us whereever we want to go to." Lady Kaguya: Agh! Unforgivable! Unforgivable! "Whereever"? I scoff! I spit on thee! I bite me thumb at thee! Blue: ACK! She's been reading Shakespeare again! before she can say anything else, Mihoshi(like the ditz she is) blurts out, Y?oI want to go to a universe where valiant heroes are fighting against evil aliens, powerful gods, and maniacal traitors!Y?? Eggy: Those are awful big words that Mihoshi is using. Jay: Has Washu been using her as a guinea pig? (LT twitches and sparks) Bee: Um...maybe we should send her home. Jay: What? All you have to do to get out of here is get yourself fried by a ceiling fan? Bee: Hey! Stay away from my karaoke machine! The TDG starts whirring and beeping, and as Washu starts yelling Y?oNO! STOP!Y?? while Kiyone is whacking Mihoshi upside the head, everyone starts to fade away into nothingness. Lady Kaguya: Agh! The author is messing up tenses! Blue: A mistake easily made, but easily remedied if one would go back and check one's work. Eggy: When did you become the grammar queen's sidekick? Blue: (sigh) When you can't beat her, join her. Plus, she double-checks all my English essays for me. They suddenly reappeared in the middle of a HUGE battlefield, with hunched-over green-skinned creatures with crude weapons were shooting at their opponents, which were humans, large, hulking ogre-type creatures with giant guns, and 7-foot-tall robot-looking things with what looked like a lasercannon, some large guns which were shooting explosive ammo, and a leader-type thing with a glowing energy sword and some sort of hand flamethrower. Bee: Um.... Jay: That was ONE sentence. Lady Kaguya: Consider revising. Very long sentences may be confusing to the reader. Eggy: Yeah...what's Warhammer 40k again? Blue: Okay, kids, the secret word today is "Warhammer." We know what to do when anyone says that word, don't we? Bee, Jay, & Lady Kaguya: Scream real loud! Aeka quickly put up her shield, just in time to deflect one of the green- skinsY?T Y?orokkitsY?? from hitting smack dab in the middle of their group. Eggy: My guess is that they're in this Warhammer whatever now. Bee, Blue, Lady Kaguya, & Jay: Aaaaaahhhhh!! (Eggy's eyes widen and she falls stiffly to the side) LT: (still twitching and sparking) What was that for? Blue: She said the secret word. everyone quickly moved along with Aeka over to where the humans were, and Tenchi asked one of the people who looked like they were in charge, Y?oExcuse me, could you tell me where we are? we seem to have been teleported here accidentally.Y?? Lady Kaguya: Capital letters would help. Eggy: Ugh.... The relatively ancient-looking man stood up and, flicking his fingers a bit, brought his power claw to bear. Jay: What's that mean? What's a power claw? Bee: Just pretend, Jay. Pretend. Blue: What's "relatively ancient-looking?" Ancient as compared to normal elderly people, or dinosaur fossils? the leader replied in a gruff and commanding tone, Y?oWhen you talk to me, you will refer to me as Lord Commissar Yarrick, or Sir. Lady Kaguya: I think I'll just call him "Sir." It's easier to remember. Who are you? I saw you just appear out of thin air, right in the middle of the battlefield! If you are one of the Bloodthirsty minions of Khorne, then prepare to taste my wrath!Y?? Blue: Yack! Bloodthirsty onions! Corn! Eggy: Yak...? Lady Kaguya: It's like badass VeggieTales! Bee: Kaguya! Lady Kaguya: Oh, sorry. Bad...uh..."butt" VeggieTales. Bee: Thank you. Eggy: Guys, they said "bloodthirsty MINIONS".... Quickly, Ryoko,(who had somewhere along the line reverted back to normal) Jay: That's convenient. LT: Although it might be more entertaining had she remained a duck-billed water sprite. hovered in between the man named Yarrick and Tenchi. Y?oI donY?Tt know who you think you are, but nobody talks to my Tenchi that way, and NOBODY threatens him while IY?Tm around!Y?? Tuba: You tell him, Ryoko. Bee: Ack! When did you get out? Noboyuki: Doc Daneeka brought his scalpel with him and freed us! Lady Kaguya: Where is the doctor, anyway? Tuba: Over there on the floor. He electrocuted himself in the process. Y?owhat is this? This woman can FLY?! She must be a demon!Y?? Blue: I'm sure Ayeka would agree. Y?ohuh? Demon? Where?Y?? Ryoko started to look around her. Eggy: HAHAHA! Bee: Um, are you okay? Eggy: I love it when characters do that! Jay: She watches more cartoons than is healthy.... Lady Kaguya: Cartoons are perfectly healthy! Jay: Suuure...otaku. She was suddenly knocked unconcious by the force of the blow from YarricksY?T power claw. Eggy: HAHAHAHA! Bee: Oh dear. (Tuba and Noboyuki are playing with Daneeka's plastic dolls) Tenchi brought out Tenchi-ken, and the energy blade slowly grew upwards until it was at least 4 feet long. Tuba: I know what else can get four feet long. (Noboyuki giggles) Eggy: You guys are sick. (Bee hefts the remains of the ceiling fan at the hentai-maniacs and knocks them through the window) Blue: Damn. Bee: BLUE!!! (smacks Blue with censoring bar) Jay: (looks at shattered glass and hole in ceiling where fan used to be) Are we going for total destruction today? Damn... Lady Kaguya: Duck, Jay! Censor on a rampage! Y?oMore trickery!Y?? (Among the MSTers, more mayhem) Y?oHuh? No, not trickery, I am just preparing to fight you for hurting my freind!Y?? Lady Kaguya: Stop! (Bee halts, holding assorted furniture and silverware above her head. Jay cowers in fear at Bee's feet. Blue quivers in a corner, struggling to remove the censoring bar. Eggy hides in the text. LT has generated enough static electricity to get herself stuck to the wall.) Lady Kaguya: What's a freind? Jay: They misspelled "friend." Lady Kaguya: Is that all? Then please resume. (And chaos continues.) Y?oyouY?Tre freinds with this demon-woman?Y?? Y?oDemon-woman? SheY?Ts no demon-woman, sheY?Ts a Ryoan!Y?? Lady Kaguya: Huh? I didn't quite catch that. What is she? Ayeka: A slut. A monster. Tenchi: Hey! That's not what I said at all! Ryoko: I hope you know a good dentist, Ayeka. (Bee drops the furniture.) Bee: Hold the phone. What's going on? Lady Kaguya: Well, since MSTers seem to be dropping like flies around here I brought a few characters out here to help. Bee: Oh...please, help yourself to whatever you want. Ryoko: I want you, Tenchi... Tenchi: I think she meant whatever we want to eat... Ayeka: Unhand Lord Tenchi! Bee: Their dialogue's awful. Lady Kaguya: I know. That's because they aren't the real Tenchi and Ryoko and Ayeka. They're the fanfic versions. Bee: Oh. I see. Y?oRyoan? IY?Tve never heard of them. Follow me into my bunker and maybe we could discuss about these Y?oRyoansY?? some more. But first, would you mind helping me defeat the Ork scum? Lady Kaguya: That's like saying "Well, we can talk about all these fanfic versions and awful dialogue later, but first I have to go berserk and kill everyone." Bee: What was that? Lady Kaguya: Never mind. Jay: Okay, um.... Blue: Wmme rkke scmme? Tenchi: Your guess is as good as mine. Jay: Where's Ayeka and Ryoko? Tenchi: Fighting again, outside. Lady Kaguya: Jay, would you go out and stop them? Jay: Sorry. I turn into an uncontrollable gargantuan ape in the moonlight. You seem strong, and my men are having a problem getting rid of them. they are pretty damn resilient for such stupid creatures.Y?? Jay: Oh, no... Bee: Not you, too! Eat that! (Bee hurls Lady Kaguya at the screen. The computer explodes.) Jay: You fool! Eggy was in there! Bee: Oops...guess I got carried away. Blue: Hmmh fmmmgrph! (Lady Kaguya and Eggy drag themselves away from the fiery wreckage.) Bee: Sorry about that. Lady Kaguya: No p-pp-problem...(collapses) Eggy: D-dd-don't worry about i-ii-it. (collapses beside Lady Kaguya) LT: (twitches and makes pitiful gurgling sounds) Grrgle mrgle... Blue: Nnmwh llkmph whmf ymph dnwh! (Tuba and Noboyuki reappear at the window, Tuba clutching Ryoko, and Noboyuki holding Ayeka) Jay: Great, they're back. Ryoko: Let me go, or I'll burn you to a crisp! Tuba: You can do whatever you want, gorgeous. Noboyuki: You can too, my sweet. Ayeka: This is incest! Ryoko: Hey, it's not as bad as imagining you with Tenchi! Ayeka: Why, I ought to... (And the power goes out, thrusting the entire party into pitch blackness) Bee: Except for LT and Doc Daneeka. Look, they glow in the dark! Jay: This is definitely not good... Tuba What did we miss? Bee: (sweat drops) I'm afraid we're going to have a brief intermission here due to, um... technical difficulties. Jay: You said it. Bee: So, in the meantime, we invite you to...uh...have some refreshments... Jay: Go read another MST. By the time you get back, we'll have everything sorted out, I'm sure. Tuba: Which way to the bedroom, Bee? Bee: Please, Tuba. You're not allowed to rape characters from fanfics. Tuba: It's not rape unless she says no. Bee: Okay, I'm afraid you'll have to allow us a few minutes to get everything under control. Just hang in there... ******************************************************************************** **************** Bee: Welcome back! We're just going to continue MSTing from a Jay's laptop in Saint Sasami's Hospital. The characters are all back in the fic, and Tuba and Doc Daneeka are in the Psych Ward. Jay: We're in the Burn unit. Bee: Right. Eggy and Lady Kaguya both needed skin grafts. Lady Kaguya: But we're okay now. Eggy: Or, rather, we will be once Bee leaves. Blue: LT's fine, though. LT: They took my sword away. I'll just have to use the hookshot from now on. Bee: And I would like to take this opportunity to sincerely apologize for my...uncharacteristic ...behavior. Eggy: I'm going to sue. Bee: Shut up. I'm already paying your medical bills. Y?oOrks? I thought they were just creatures of myth.Y?? Washu wondered out loud. LT: Yorks? Blue: Yoorks? Eggy: Orks? Y?oNo, they are quite real, and they are the biggest threat to the Imperium, Lady Kaguya: The Imperium Silver Crystal! Bee: Hey, LK, this is NOT Sailor Moon. This is Warhammer 40k, remember? Eggy, Blue, Jay, and LT: Aaaaah! Bee: What was that for? Jay: It's still the secret word. besides the forces of Chaos and the Tyranid hordes. They are very simple- minded, LT: Like some hentai-happy musical instruments we know. but always attack in large numbers, usually with many dreadnoughts Jay: Huh? Eggy: Must be Warhammer -- Bee, Jay, Blue, and LT: Aaaaah! and a few gargants LT: More Warhamm-(pause) Jay: Damn! She caught herself. with them.Y?? Eggy: Why not? (Ryoko wakes up with a fist-sized lump on her head.) Lady Kaguya: More mixing of tenses! EEERRRGGHHH! Bee: Nitpicker. Y?oOWWWW, that really hurt!Y?? Jay: Did it, really? Just then, the ground started shaking as a huge explosion was heard outside. Eggy: Probably Mihoshi's fault. Blue: Or maybe Washu's. Better take roll call. Y?oThat would signal that the forces of the Adeptus Titanicus are here. Jay: "Adeptus Titanicus." Latin for "adept titan." Bee: Really? Jay: No, I just made that up now. You may not need to help after all.Y?? said Yarrick. Lady Kaguya: Who's Yarrick again? LT: He's the one we call Lord Commissioner or something. Lady Kaguya: Oh, yeah. "Sir." Y?oAdeptus Titanicus?Y?? Washu asked. Jay: (as Washu) Isn't that Latin for "adept titan?" Bee: Hahaha, that wasn't funny. Y?oyes, possibly the most powerful machine-beasts in the universe, Blue: "Machine-beasts?" What are those? LT: Apparently, they are the cross between robotics and animals. Blue: Like...Digimon? LT: No. (whacks Blue with Megaton Hammer) aside from the Imperial space armada. Lady Kaguya: Not space armada, Sailor Senshi! Bee: Lady Kaguya, we told you, this isn't Sailor Moon! Lady Kaguya:...nani? With that, Yarrick led them outside, Jay: Weren't they already outside? to witness a 300-foot-tall man-like machine with huge weapons attached to it, land in a huge cloud of dust and dirt as itY?Ts retro-jets stabilized it on the ground. Blue: Awesome. Eggy: I want one! Y?oTHAT;Y?? stated Yarrick, Y?oIs a Warlord Titan, The largest and most powerful titan of them all.Y?? Jay: Yes, but is it "adept?" Bee: Jay, that wasn't funny to begin with. everyone in the group was awestruck as the God-Machine, as the troops called it, opened fire on one of the enemy embankments, utterly annihilating them. LT: Well, that's not very nice. Lady Kaguya: All's fair in love and war. Loud cheering and yelling was heard along the whole Imperial side, Jay: Star Wars? Bee: No, Warhammer -- Lady Kaguya, Jay, LT, Blue, & Eggy: AAAAAAHH! Bee: Okay, I walked into that one. as the Orks made a hasty retreat. LT: Oh! So they were ORKS all along! Later, as Yarrick was talking with Washu about who they were, Blue: Who who were? Lady Kaguya: No! AGH! One must always know the antecedent of the pronoun! How ambiguous! Eggy: Wow. Big words.... and especially about Ryoko, the rest of the group were allowed to roam the encampment, and to meet the troops. Lady Kaguya: Now, everybody, let's be friendly and play nice, 'kay? Eggy: Feel free to kill the blonde, okay? as they walked past one tent, someone yanked Ryoko inside and said, Y?oHey sweet thing, how Y?~bout you and me make a little love instead of war? Blue: Sexual harassment! Jay: What does this "someone" think Ryoko is? Some kind of prostitute? LT: I'm sure Ayeka would agree. There aren't many girls around here, and most of the ones that are here are pretty ugly or surly, or both.Y?? Jay: I know what you mean. (Bee tackles Jay and ties him to a chair with censoring bars, Blue sets him on fire, LT whacks him with Megaton hammer into an open sarcophagus, which Eggy locks and Lady Kaguya kicks to the moon) Needless to say, that particular Imperial Guardsman will never have children. EVER. Lady Kaguya: That's really mean. I would've done the same. Ryoko quickly left the tent, as extremely high-pitched screams of pain were heard throughout the camp, along with hoots and jeers at the Y?omanliness impairedY?? soldier as he fell unconcious. Blue: That is really really really mean. I'd've done the same, too. Jay: "Manliness impaired..." Tuba: Hey, I'm back. Bee: No! (ducks behind IV) Tuba: Who admitted me to the Psych Ward? Bee: Must've been some mistake... Eggy: Where's Doc Daneeka? Tuba: They took his temperature and painted his tongue purple. Soon, they approached what looked to be a massive shrine to a god. There were two of those robed robot-like creatures standing guard outside, as praying could be faintly heard inside. Lady Kaguya: Now, quiet, everyone. Now's a time to be reverent. Tenchi walked up and asked, Y?oMay I ask who you are?Y?? Blue: He's so sexy when he's being polite. Eggy: He's always polite. Lady Kaguya: We may have just hit upon the secret of Tenchi's absolute sexiness! Tuba: Well, then! Miss Lady Kaguya, may I hold the door for you? One of the figures responded, Y?oI am Brother Beltharius, of the Dark Angels Space Marine Chapter. Jay: Yo! I'm Bro Beltharius. Dark Angels, Space Marine Chapter. LT: Whoa! That guy's in a gang! This is my companion, Brother Exor. Have you all come to pay homage to the mighty God-Emperor?Y?? Jay: This is my homey, Bro Exor. Y'all come to pay yo' dues? Bee: I always thought homey meant, you know, like a home. Jay: Well, you know Bro Exor. He's like a home to me. Blue: Don't go there. Y?oWho?Y?? asked Tenchi. Bee: Why? Lady Kaguya: When? Eggy: Where? LT: What are you talking about? Jay: How? At this, the space marines were taken aghast. Y?oYou do not know who the Emperor is? The almighty saviour of humanity and hero of a million worlds? Bee: Can't say that I'm familiar with him either. Jay: You know, there's been quite a few saviours we know of... Blue: People claiming to be saviours. How'd you know this Emperor guy isn't a fraud? Y?? Y?oNo, who exactly is he?Y?? Bee: Exactly what? Jay: That's right! Exactlywatt! Bee: I beg your pardon? Jay: It's from a poem... The space marines seemed insulted by the last comment. Blue: (as Exor) Do you know what you just said in Spacemarinese? Brother Exor, who had been itching for a fight all day, Tuba: You know what I've been itching for? Blue: Don't say it or you'll end up in the OR. Tuba: Oh. Right. suddenly stood up to his full height, threw off his ceremonial robes, Bee: Kami! He's naked! Lady Kaguya: What should we do? Bee: I don't know, I'm out of censoring bars! Eggy: I'm...blind...! Tuba: Oh, come on. It's not that bi... (Eggy takes out her pink control cube and twists one end, sending Tuba into an unknown region of space) LT: Where'd you get that? Eggy: I killed Mihoshi and took it from her. Bee: Yeah right. Lady Kaguya: I'll trade my Cutie Moon Rod for it. and stated, Y?oYou will not mock the EmperorY?Ts name! I challenge you to a duel. If you best me in combat, I will allow you inside to partake of the prayer to His Holiness. Jay: The Pope? Bee: I think he means the Emperor. Lady Kaguya: So let me get this straight: If he wins the battle with the naked guy, Tenchi gets to go inside and pray? Doesn't he do that enough at home? Eggy: What, battle naked guys? Lady Kaguya: Har har. Not funny. If you do not, I will be forced to execute you for desecrating His ExcellencyY?Ts name!Y?? Jay: That's disgusting! Bee: I think you're thinking of a different word. Everyone in the group were horrified by the last sentence. How could Tenchi possibly win against such a large and menacing creature? Blue: A naked one, at that. Y?oTo make it a little fairer for you, I will remove my power armor, at least to make it more sporting for me, although it probably won't make much of a difference.Y?? LT: Whoa! You mean he wasn't naked before? Blue: He's got skin-tone power armor. Eggy: I can't watch. everyone scowled at the comment. Lady Kaguya: Capital letters would be good. Tenchi grimly drew Tenchi-ken and prepared to start the duel. Bee: It's a good thing he brought his sketchbook. To be continued. Will Tenchi beat Brother Exor, or will he feel the crushing weight of defeat(and the space marine's boot) fall upon him? Blue: Will he suddenly remember he left the water running at home? Bee: Or that he forgot to lock the back door? Jay: Will the MSTers return for another chapter of torture? Eggy: Or will they cower in fear at the sight of Chapter Two? Lady Kaguya: Will Tuba ever return, or is he trapped in an unchartered region of empty space for all eternity? Bee: God, I hope so. Eggy: Me too. Jay: Shall we continue? Remember , this is my first fanfiction, so donY?Tt flame me. Bee: That means put that thing away. Eggy: Dang. (Puts flamethrower back under hospital bed.) Bee: The fire arrows, too. LT: Shoot. Lady Kaguya: Ack. Puns. send all comments to: pepper4099@aol.com Jay: If you have any. LT: "Dear pepper4099, I hate Playstation. If you mention it again..." Bee: Good thing they took away the sword. Lady Kaguya: A VERY good thing. Tenchi Muyo Meets Warhammer 40K Part 2 Blue: Riveting title. Eggy: Very original. By Jamie Sherman You will have to read the first chapter to fully understand this one. LT: Hey, it's a good thing we read the first chapter, right? Jay: How would you know? You were generating so much static electricity you could beat Pikachu one on one. Lady Kaguya: You've still got socks stuck to your butt. LT: I do? How embarrassing... "Are you prepared to die, foolish one?" Brother Exor asked. Blue: No, I'm not. Eggy: He wasn't talking to you. Blue: Then he ought to be more specific. "Not just yet." Tenchi answered. Lady Kaguya: Again, the dialogue's really...um...not stunning. Bee: At a loss for words? Lady Kaguya: I left my thesaurus at your place! "Ha! You are brave to be challenging one of the Emperor's finest in close combat. Not many people in this galaxy would stand up to an all-mighty space marine!" Blue: That's not bravery. That's stupidity. Bee: Tenchi doesn't know what he's doing... "God, the arrogance of that person!" Ryoko thought. Eggy: Ryoko just wants Tenchi to battle in the nude, too. Bee: Eggy! Lady Kaguya: She just said that becuase she wants to see Tenchi naked. Eggy: Not so! Bee: Kami! Go suck a lemon, both of you! Jay: My, what language! Brother Beltharius stated the rules: " the last person left alive will be declared the winner, Lady Kaguya: That makes sense. Whoever winds up dead can't very well claim their prize, now can they? LT: What was the prize again? and only power weapons will be allowed, no projectile weapons. Begin!" Jay: That means no throwing things. LT: Yes, Jay. I think we realized that. Immediatly with superhuman speed and reflexes, Brother Exor lunged at Tenchi, power sword glowing. Tenchi quickly brought Tenchi-Ken up and parried the blow. Lady Kaguya: "Immediately," you mean. Eggy: Look at the naked guy go. "Impressive! You have blocked my first blow! But how will you fare against THIS?" Exor brought out another small knife that had a serrated edge. "how do you like my mono-molecular edged combat knife?" Jay: (as guy on an infomercial) But wait, there's more! Send you check or money order in the next five minutes and you will also receive this mono-molecular edged combat knife set! Perfect for slicing, dicing, and chopping! Also great for gutting hapless anime characters in crossover fics! As he tried to jab Tenchi with it, Tenchi quickly kicked the wrist of the space marine, causing him to drop the knife. Finally, the build-up of power between the two weapons became too powerful and a small explosion ripped between the combatants, blowing them back a few feet away from each other. Tenchi, remembering all the training he had endured with his grandpa, swung Tenchi-Ken around, and threw it straight at the space marine. Exor blocked the sword with his arm, but the sword went straight through it, and narrowly missed his face. His now disembodied arm fell to the ground, still twitching. Bee: Eww. Eggy: I missed it. What happened? Jay: If you didn't read it, then too bad for you. "Good, good! You are more of a challenge than I thought you would be! But now you have no weapon to defend yourself with!" Lady Kaguya: Wait a sec. He's happy that is arm was chopped off? Blue: Um, yeah, it seems that way. LT: Maybe he's a sado-whatever too. Tenchi realized his mistake, but he was too late. When the Marine swung downward, Tenchi moved slightly to one side, allowing him a few precious seconds to get away from Exor. As Exor was pulling his sword from the ground, Tenchi dove for Tenchi-Ken, re-activated it, and brought it around just in time to parry the power sword's blow. Tenchi swung outwards, cutting one of the marines' legs off. Exor fell to the ground. Tenchi stood over him, extending his hand to help the fallen marine up. Jay: This reminds me of a scene from "Monty Python and the Holy Grail." "Incredible! I never thought anyone would be able to defeat me in close combat, but somehow, you did! Now, finish me! Those are the rules of the battle." Lady Kaguya: Hang on. Where are all those weird symbols? "I don't kill people unless absolutely neccessary. Now, get up!" Tuba: That could have a sexual connotation. Eggy: How'd you get back so quick? Tuba: I was picked up by the Heart of Gold and they dropped me off here before going to the Restaurant at the End of the Universe. Eggy: Oh. I see. Brother Beltharius declared the match to Tenchi. "I respect anyone who decides honor is more important than victory!" Tuba: And I respect anyone who has the guts to fight naked. LT: Exor's his hero, now. Tuba: Where's his arm and leg? "Ummm, what about your leg and arm, mister?" Sasami asked. Eggy: Who cares? Bee: Apparently Sasami does. "Oh, that? I willjust have one of the tech-preists attach some bionic replacements." Lady Kaguya: How do you "willjust?" Blue: If they had tech-priests at my parish, I would still go to church. "Wow..." Washu started asking them questions about why they were so large and powerful, if they were human. LT: What? Washu doesn't know already? "You do not know who the Space Marines of the Adeptus Astartes are?" Where have you been, the Warp?" Lady Kaguya: Why are there quotation marks in the middle of the quote? Jay: And just who are the Space Marines of the Adeptus Astartes? LT: I thought they were a gang. Bee: Wasn't Astartes a Babylonian goddess or something? Blue: How would I know? I thought it was Adeptus Titanicus. Eggy: And where's the warp? "Actually," Washu stated, "We are from a different dimension." Tuba: As though it happens all the time. Bee: It does in fanfiction. The space marines readied their bolters. "So, you are deamons of the warp?" Blue: What's a deamon? LT: What's a bolter? Eggy: Where's this warp again? "No, no, NO. We are from a completely different dimension. what year is it in this dimension?" Eggy: What's that got to do with anything? "It is the year 40,000. or, the 41st millenium. Lady Kaguya: Silver Millenium! 30th century! Bee: No more comics for you, LK. Jay: And in THIS dimension, it's 2002, in the 21st century. Blue: They're WAY ahead of us. LT: From what point did they start counting? "Exactly. In our dimension on Earth, it is the year 2001. And I think that I have heard of you. In our dimension you are just a game, called Warhammer 40,000." Bee: I wouldn't be to pleased if someone told me I was only part of a game. (Lady Kaguya and LT are now playing video games on a couple of Game Boys) Lady Kaguya: Hee! I love Sailor Mars' BGM! LT: Cool! I just caught Suicune! Jay: Some would disagree with you, Bee.... The space marines were listening intentedly until the last statement. "Oh yeah, I'm sure." Exor said. " and I suppose that their are other races like the blasphemous forces of chaos and the orcish hordes in that game?" Blue: How do you pronounce "orcish?" Washu started up her little transparent keyboard thingy, Eggy: Cool! I want one! Blue: No fair! You already took Mihoshi's control cube! Bee: Dibs on the holo-top! and started to look for data on the game. "Yes, actually, there are. I could name the different tyranids and things, if you would like me to prove it to you." Tuba: I'd rather find out whether or not the pink bunny really runs on Energizer. Jay: He DEFINITELY meant that with a sexual connotation. Eggy: SICKO! (whaps him over the head with small statuette of Bastet) But the space marines were too busy marvelling at her keyboard. Jay: Not unlike some of us MSTers. "What is that?" they asked. Eggy: Just her holo-top. "Oh, this? it's just my handy-dandy-go-anywhere keyboard. LT: Just a handy-dandy keyboard.... Bee: (as Steve) We just figured out Blue's Clue's, because we're really smart! I am getting bored with this chapter, so I think I will end it. Blue: Does that mean we can go home? Eggy: As long as the doctors aren't keeping you for observation. but I may keep writing other chapters, if I feel like it. Lady Kaguya: But we don't have to read them. Jay: Unless it becomes required reading for English class. LT: I hope, really, really, really hope the author doesn't feel like it. Hey, it's me, the Bumblebee. Thank you for coming to the MST Party! Special Edition. Hopefully we'll be back soon with another author to torture. Lady Kaguya: Hopefully it will be good. Tuba: Hopefully it will be a lemon. LT: Hopefully it will make sense. Blue: Hopefully I'll have a dentist's appointment. Jay: Hopefully I won't be invited. Okay, guys, shut up already. Anyway, if you have any comments or anything, just send it my way at mysteriousbumblebee@angelfire.com. Thanks again.