Disclaimer: Since everyone hates me, I thought I'd do an MST on my own fic to make them somewhat happy... (Author's note) I don't do drugs, I'm just flat out insane. MST presents: Ultima Anime Massacre 01: The New Wave of Evil -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- -------- Written by Ultima-Trev Reviewed by GOD, Bert, Ernie, and Big Bird (Bert: Ernie, why the hell did we have to review this stupid ass movie?) (Ernie: Uh, I dunno, ask big bird) (Bert: Big Bird?) (Big Bird: Sh-sh-shut the fuuuuuuuuuck up-p, I'm tryin' to s-s-smoke a joint here) Setting: Tokyo, after Fragmaster has been killed by Ultima-Trev. Trev: "Finally, Fragmaster is dead." Adrian: "I sure hope so. But, he always could be revived a 2nd time." Mako: "He's right ya know." Trell: "I'd like to talk about something other than Fragmaster, if you don't mind." (Bert: "Frag-Master? sounds like something from Quake) (Ernie: Uh, Bert, it is something from Quake. Apparantly the director of this movies is fucked up in the head.) (Bert: I knew that...) All the sudden three mysterious figures come flying in. Piccolo: "Hey, what the fuck happened here?" Vegita: "Piss off Namek, let those bitches deal with it." Fubuki: * Wow, that short guy sure is cute. * Piccolo: "You'll have to excuse my little friend here, he's insane." Trev: "Who the fuck are you guys!?" piccolo: "I'm Piccolo the super Namek, this little guy is Prince Vegita. Trev: "Oh yeah, I remember seeing you guys on TV battling the evil Cell, and it was some guy named Son Gohan who defeated him." Piccolo: "So you didn't believe Mr. Satan's nonsense?" Trev: "Nope." Piccolo: "No kidding?" Adrian: "It's hard to fool us; very, VERY, hard." Piccolo: "Unfortunetly, Cell has come back to life." Vegita: "Unfortunate? Please, I have the power to kill him with ease. Check this out!!!" (Ernie: I don't see how DBZ could be so popular. I mean it has nothing on EVA yet it's over 10 times more popular.) (Bert: Same goes for Gundam and Digimon. You can blame American television for the overratedness of kid's Anime.) (Big Bird: Speaking of kids, I molest them in their sleep) (Bert and Ernie: So do we.) Vegita goes to his SSJ4 state... Trev: "Damn, you've got quite a low power level there." Piccolo and Vegita: "What!!!" Piccolo: "You're kidding, right?" Trev: "Well, it's higher then Mako's here, but nothing compared to mine!!!" Vegita: "Then why don't you fucking Prove it!?" Trev now goes to his Mega Ultima level... Vegita: "How the fuck is this possible?!" Piccolo: "It's obvious you have a power level that far surpasses the rest of us, but according to what I'm sensing it's not enough to defeat Cell and his new found friends." Trev: "Friends?" Adrian: "What friends?" Trell: "This can't be good." Vegita: "I believe his friends names are Kagato, Sephiroth, Fragmaster, and Hazonko." Planet Jurai, Tenchi's balcony at the Royal Palace... (Bert: Not this.) (Ernie: I've heard that Tenchi and Amagasaki are gay lovers, just like us.) (Big Bird: F-f-fuck the gays) (GOD: Big Bird, you're going to Hell for that crude remark) (Ernie: Long time no see God) (Bert: Hiya God) (God: It's good to see you guys again.) (Bert and Ernie: Good to see you too.) King Tenchi: "Everyone, I've got some bad news, Kagato is back from the dead!!!" Sasami is in the shower, Ryoko and Aeka are having some lesbian sex, and everyone else is out shopping so it's kinda hard to hear him... Queen Sasami: "Tenchi dear, can you repeat that?" *He's too fuking busy to shower with his own wife.* Back to Tenchi's Balcony... Kagato: "Hello Tenchi, long time no see." Tenchi: "Who the fuck are these other guys!?" Cell: "I am a bio android and I'm more powerful then you can ever hope to be." Hazonko: "I am the most powerful of all K Pirates." Sephiroth: "And I am the greatest swordsman ever." Kagato: "And we all have one mission, destroy all of our enemies." Mysterious Male: "I wish to join you." Hazonko: "What is that?" Mysterious Male: "I am Lucifer, the prince of Darkness." Tenchi: "Holy shit, Satan's real!!!" Fragmaster: "I hate being mistaken for Satan, I am Fragmaster!!!" Tenchi: "Sasami, Ryoko, Aeka, Washu, Mihoshi, get in here now!!!" (God: After careful consideration, I'm goin to send Ultima-Trev to Hell when he dies) (Bert: That's if he dies) (Ernie: Yeah, he's immortal) (God: Then I'll kill the bitch by myself...) (Big Bird: God, are you my b-b-bitch?) Bert and Ernie each form a sweat drop Back on Earth... Trev: "Fragmaster is still alive!?" Adrian: "No fucking way!!!" Trell: "You sure?" Piccolo: "I believe so. Who is Fragmaster?" Trev: "He's the anti-christ times ten!!!" Vegita: "That's just great. Now we have five massive evil powers to destroy!!!" Trev: "Where are they anyway?" Piccolo: "They're all on some called planet Jurai, how do you suppose we get there?" Mysterious Male: "However you get there, be sure to take us with you." Trev: "What the fuck!? AVALANCHE is here too!?" Adrian: "Damn." Barret Wallace: "Yo Cloud, how did Sephiroth come back to life? I thought we were rid of him for good!!!" Tifa Lockheart: "It doesn't matter, we'll just have to kill him again." Cloud Strife: "Tifa's right." Trev: "I take it you guys are after Sephiroth." Cloud: "Right., but how did you know?" Trev: "I saw the interview with you guys on the news." Piccolo: "Who are you guys?" Cloud: "I'm Cloud, that's Tifa and Barret. We're a planet saving group called AVALANCHE." Trev: "It seems we are all after a certain evil, but they are on planet Jurai right now." (Ernie: Anime has become so disgraceful since this movie was made) (Bert: I know, Ultima-Trev somehow got so rich off of this movie he bought the Anime industry all together.) (God: He hasn't bought Gainax yet) (Ernie: Good, that way we don't have to worry about EVA II being so... so...) (Bert: ...Retarded.) Back on Jurai, the rest of residence living with Tenchi walk in on the action... Aeka: "Oh my." Ryoko: "This isn't good." Sasami: "I'm scared Tenchi!!!" Washu: "According to my calculations, we're totally screwed!!!" Kagato: "Welcome to the beginning of the end!!!" Cell: "We have quite a show for you wothless specimens." Sephiroth: "We'll show you your doom." Hazonko: "That we will." Fragmaster: "Then you can burn in Hell afterwards, Ah-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!!!" Mihoshi: "This is the coolest Halloween Party I've ever been to!!!" Washu (Sweat beading): *Stupid whore Mihoshi.* Kagato: "Are we ready to kick ass and take names!?" Cell: "Of course." Hazonko: "Indeed." Sephiroth: "Absolutely." (Bert: How the fuck did Trev get rich enough to make this movie in the first place?) (Ernie: Ultima Tech Computers...) (Bert: Forgot about that...) (Big Bird: Hey Ernie, wanna gimme a hummer?) (Ernie: No thanks) Back on Earth... Trev: "What the hell is that!?" Cloud: "I dunno." Barret: "It's huge!!!" Son Goku: "I think it's a space ship!!!" The red ship now lands and out comes the crew... Gilliam: "So these are all the huge powers I sensed." Gene Starwind: "Can you give us a read out on their powers levels?" Gilliam: "Absolutely." Aisha Clan-Clan: "Can't be as high as mine!!!" Twilight Sazuka: "I don't know about that." Gilliam: "Here's a read out." The power level readout: Mega Ultima Trev: 10,500,000,000 Demonic Ultima Adrian: 8,160,000,000 Demonic Ultima Trell: 8,000,000,000 SSJ4 Son Goku: 8,000,000,000 SSJ4 Vegita: 7,200,000,000 Angel Ultima Mako: 6,880,000,000 Piccolo: 1,200,000,000 Cloud: 150,000,000 Barret: 135,000,000 Tifa: 110,000,000 Aisha: "Gilliam, can you check our power levels?" Gilliam: "Certainly." Aisha: 250,000,000 Sazuka: 140,000,000 Gene: 3 Melfina: 1 Jim: 1 Gene: "My power level is only three!? That's not fair!!!" Aisha: "Serves you right Gene Starwind!!!" Gene: * That bitch!!! * Gilliam: "Here's a readout of the enemy's power levels." Mega Ultima Fragmaster: 21,200,000,000 Cell: 17,000,000,000 Sephiroth: 15,600,000,000 Hazonko: 13,800,000,000 Kagato: 12,500,000,000 (God: The power level thing is so retarded. like people are gonna take their time to read this bullshit) (Bert: Agreed) (Ernie: God, I'm so pissed at Trev for ruining the Anime industry right now. I was wondering...) (God: Yes my child?) (Ernie: If you could grant me immortality so I could kill him.) (God: Though there is the commandment "Thou shalt not kill," I'll gladly make an exception in this case...) Piccolo: "Looks like we have training to do." Vegita: "We don't have time, we need to rescue the Jurai Royal Family." Barret: "Good point." Gene: "Well guys, let's all get on board. Remember, we outnumber them." Trev: "Right." While boarding, they hear someone calling... "Wait up!!!" Trev: "Who the hell is it now?" You'll need our help to defeat your enemies. Trev: "Who are you?" WarGreaymon: "I'm WarGreymon, and this here is MetalGarurrumon." Trev: "Welcome aboard, I guess." Now Trev hears yelling from a distance... "Oh baby, that hit's the spot!!! Keep on going!!!" Trev runs in to a patch of trees and sees two females going at it in an all out lesbian frenzy. One has shorts blue hair, the other one has a blonde meatball head... Trev: "Holy fucking shit!!!" "PERVERT!!!" Trev: "Hey, I didn't know there was anything going down. Blue haired woman: "Usagi, let's give this perv an ass whoopin!!!" Usagi: "Strait up Ami!!!" Trev: *Stupid Thug wannabes, don't they know Rap is dead and gone?* "I don't know if you've noticed, but Rap has been extinct ever since Cannibal Corpse came in to existance." Usagi: "Dissing Rap, G? You gonna die now cracker ass!!! Cosmic dream action!!!" Ami: "Mercury Star Power!!!" (God: This was the only cool part right here) (Bert: Yeah, stupid sailor scouts get an ass whoopin') (Ernie: Stupid Lesbos.) (God: EARNIE!) (Ernie: Sorry.) Usagi and Ami then transform into their Scout forms... Ami: "Aqua Rhapsody!!!" Trev isn't phased one damned bit... Usagi: "Eat shit and die!!!" Usagi charges Trev, but he punches her so hard her IQ goes from 75 to 125... Ami: "You injured my soul mate, die mutha fucka!!!" Ami charges Trev, but only to get her IQ boosted as well... Usagi: "What happened?" Ami: "I don't know, but I think our IQ has been boosted a whole 50 pionts!!!" Usagi: "For some reason I think Rap sucks now. For some reason, I think Cannibal Corpse kicks ass." Trev: "You can thank me for the IQ increase later, I've gotta go kill some evil bastards." Usagi: "Can we help?" Trev: "I suppose." Inside the Outlaw Star... Trev: "Okay, let's hit the skyway!!!" Gene: "Trev, you haven't met these two yet, this is Melfina and Jim Hawking." Jim: "This is so cool. We have 14 more crew members now!!!" Trev: "We'll have more if the Jurai Royal Family isn't dead." Vegita: "The Saiya-jins and the Jurains have always been enemies, you expect me to team up with them?" Son Goku: "Well Vegita, you'll have to put your Juraian grudge on the back burner now." Vegita: "I suppose so." *Fuck you Kackarott!!!* Gene: "This is Outlaw Star and we are ready for launch!!!" (Ernie It's over, now gimme my powers!) (God: as you wish) Now that Earnie has immortal powers, the hunt for me rages on... Ernie: "I think I see him!" With no doubt he has found me... (stuffing my face with a Gordita) Ernie: "You've ruined the Anime industry forever, now you will perish!" Ultima-Trev: "I'm sorry, but I'm immortal." Ernie: "So am I!" Ernie then pulls out a progressive knife and slices my head off. I am rotting in Hell as I speak to you. THE END Ernie: "Now if you don't mind, I'll give the Anime inustrsy back to it's rightful owners..."