*** I got bored... *** ---- Okay, I'm evil. MST this! ---- Mike: Okay Crow hold still... Crow: You know if you didn't leave your junk everywhere I wouldn't trip on it.. Tom: So it's my fault you got impaled with my thigh master? Mike slips back as he pulls the thigh master out of Crow. Crow: Ah much better. Oh, um, Deep 13 is calling, Ill get it. Dr. Forrester: Why hello Mike, small robots, your movie today is quite possibly your worst one yet... I think this one just quite possibly could break you, but, I shouldn't ruin it for you! *evil laughter* Crow: Mike, we are being punished for something aren't we? Dr. Forrester: Yes, today's experiment is your first anime.. It's called Ryoko and Tenchi. Enjoy! All: AAAAHHHH! We got movie sign!!!! >Tenchi Muyo Tom: Alright! A super-violent porn cartoon! Mike: *smacks his forehead* It's so early in the morning too... >Ryoko & Tenchi Crow: Hey isn't that Yoko Ono's sister? Mike: Could be. >Disclaimer: To the lawyers of AIC & Pioneer, please don't sue me Tom: This isn't good when our film starts out with a disclaimer... Mike: In the words of my Swedish friends, "donotsue!" >I'm not making money off of this Crow: I would hope not. >and if you sue me you won't get Any money cause I'm flat broke, and you would be wasting your >Time trying to get a case so please pass this on to the geniuses that >Created Tenchi Muyo. >So please enjoy my fanfic Tom: Right... Mike: So, who's gonna sue first? Crow: Me me! >This Story Takes Place During Episode 24 No Need For Ryoko, except I've changed the time line Mike: And this means what to us? >Ryoko & Tenchi No Need for an Operation Chapter 1- Crow: Right, the guy is already feminine enough. Mike sighs loudly... >Ryoko walks into Washuu's lab limping. Crow: Great and I have that ass-kicking contest later today... >Washuu says, " Hi Ryoko what are you doing here", Tom: Oh nothing, I was in the neighborhood, and thought I would stop by... >Ryoko, "ahh". >Then Washuu hears a thump and she turns around and Ryoko's gone then she looks down and sees Ryoko on the floor in front of her. Mike: See this is what happens when you take too much Valium Tom. Tom: Oooohhh.. Gotcha. >She quickly turns to the console and enters in a few commands telling the computer to pick up Ryoko and lay her on the bed. Crow: But unfortunately she is using Windows 95 and the computer kills her instead. >It takes a couple minutes to comply so she kicks the console. Crow: See, told ya, it's 95. >Then Washuu calls Kiyone up at the bridge to make an announcement, Kiyone on Mic. "Attention everyone Ryoko has been seriously injured Washuu asks everyone to go to her lab immediately". Tom: Yay!!! >When Tenchi hears this he is urinating Mike: Arghhh! For the love of god put that away! Don't aim that at me! AAAHHH! >and thinks Washuu is helping Ryoko to play a trick on him so he looks around and he thinks he hears Ryoko, which cause him to clean up the bathroom floor as well as his pair of pants. Crow: Didn't you have that same problem Mike? Mike: Shut up Crow. >But even though his pants are wet he runs out of the bathroom and leaps off the stairs directly in front of Washuu lab he sees everybody gathering around Ryoko while Washuu's performing surgery. Tom: This is going to turn into a snuff film I know it... Mike: There there Tom, the man isn't that mean. >Washuu," Stand back a little", Nobuyuki, Crow: Yeah, it's a bitch when those intestines start flying everywhere. >"Well Tenchi you've finally arrived". Mike: Yeah well.... ummm. Shut up. >He sees that everyone wearing a mask he faints. Crow: What a wuss. Tom: Well this guy lives in a house filled with women... Crow: Oh yeah.. That' true. >When he faints Sasami leans over him to see if he's okay, "Tenchi are you okay". Mike: Oh yeah I'm fine, but how did my pants get wet? Oh wait... >Washuu, " Maybe you and Sasami go outside to take care of Tenchi Mihoshi", >Mihoshi "okay", >Sasami, "lets go outside now" Crow: At least they get right to the point. Tom: Arrrgh! What is that girl's hair?!? *points to Sasami* Mike: I think those are ponytails Tom. Tom: Gimme scissors, I am going to cut them off!!!! Mike :Calm down Tom.. Here take you medicine *shoves a pill into Tom's mouth* >Mihoshi, " Alright I'll get the legs and you get the arms". >one hour later "We should be done now". "Ryoko should rest for a couple hours now", Tom: *calms down* Wow, those work quick, what's in them? Mike: Bacon. Tom: Really? Works well. >Katsuhito, "What about Tenchi", Crow: Yeah, think we should cut him up some too? >Washuu, "Him, too" Tom: I don't know Mike... I don't trust this 'Washuu' character... she kind of reminds me of a cross between Ethyl from I Love Lucy and Wilma from The Flintstones. >Washuu, "Now its about time for both of them", Crow: Well this is a bit sudden. Mike: This is an anime Crow.. Crow: Yeah, but not even a pick up line? Mike: Well they do things differently in Japan... >Washuu wakes Ryoko up, "Ryoko I guess you can wake Tenchi up" "Here have a smelling salt", Tom: No wait, that's my nitric acid. >she uses it on Tenchi. >Tenchi, "huh what where am I", Crow: Hell Tom: He's not in Pittsburgh >"hey Tenchi wakie wakie", >"huh, what, ahh", Mike: I just love these intellectual dialogues. >Tenchi falls off the bed. And stands up. Crow: He's a smooth one isn't he? >Washuu, "Tenchi you fainted", >"What I did", Tom: Duhhhh... > "It was because of the gas leak", Mihoshi, "Or maybe you're just afraid of blood", Crow: Or maybe it was aliens! > Ryoko going up and sitting on the part of the bed next to him, "That's ridiculous isn't it Tenchi" >"Uh well uh yeah of course I'm not afraid of blood". Mike: Yeah, completely silly.... OH MY GOD WHAT IS THAT?!? *faints* Tom: I spilled ketchup on my shirt. >Nobuyuki, "Well it's late I'm going to bed", >Washuu, "Me too", >Sasami, "well I guess I'm tired, too". Crow: *snores* Tom: Hey Crow wake up.. Crow: *snort* What.. Huh...? I was having this bad dream that I was watching some terrible anime and... AAAAAAHHHH! >Ryoko, " I'll guess I'll sleep with Tenchi tonight because we've both go to rest, and why don't we sleep together?", >Tenchi, "uh maybe uh maybe maybe uh some other time", Mike: This guy could use a couple tips form Marlin Brando. >Ryoko, " Well Tenchi please it'll make me fell better", >Tenchi, " If it'll make you feel better", >Ryoko whispering to herself, "yes". Crow: Okay, I think we all know where this is going... Tom: Huh? What do you mean? Crow: They are gonna do it. Tom: Do what? Crow: Ummm... comb their hair. Tom: Oooohhh... I'm so naive. >The next morning he finds Ryoko on top of him he thinks he might hurt her if she slides off when he gets up or it may wake her up so he decides to stay like this then he falls asleep waiting for her. Crow: Well at least he's got some nice pillows... Mike smacks his forehead, "Can we keep the boob jokes to a minimum.." >When Ryoko wakes up she sees Tenchi asleep and then she decides too cook for them two so she decide to make the only she can make hot noodles and some sake for them to eat when she's right about done Tenchi wakes up and sees her cooking. Tom: Yep, noodles and vodka, breakfast of champions. >He gets up and decides to help, she sees him about to get the bowls, she says, "Let me if we're gonna get married I should learn how to cook go sit down", Crow: Note the extensive plot line... Mike: Think this well help us along in our lawsuit? Tom: Couldn't hurt. >Tenchi, " Married? What are you talking about and what's for breakfast?", >Ryoko, " hot noodles and sake oh yeah not marriage a trip", Crow: Oh good, I love being drunk though the whole day! Tom: Wait, he's not British... >Tenchi, "What a trip, we have to rescue Aeka So what's this about a trip", >Ryoko, "It's a surprise and that other woman isn't coming it's just gonna be you and me on Ryo-Ohki", Crow: That little cabbit thing! Oh my God this is sick! AAAA damn your Dr. Forrester! >Tenchi, "What, we can't go, you know that", >"OK, well here's the meal", she threw it down in the space in front of him. Crow: It's all you can eat me tonight... Tom: eww... Crow. Mike: Yeah you have to stay here and clean, that's why I have women here. >Then they ate their food. Crow: Oh good, glad they aren't leaving us in the dark about that. After them everyone else woke up a couple hours later even Kiyone was sleeping in the chair in the bridge. Tom: They have a bridge in their house? >Well she should be sleeping without four days of sleep. Crow: Did that make any sense to any of you? Tom and Mike: Nope >Then first Sasami, Nobuyuki, Katsuhito, Washuu, And then Mihoshi woke up then they all started their day Ryoko and Sasami took a bath and the Masaki men all took a bath except Katsuhito. Mike: He was going for his 'homeless old dirty man motif.' >Then Kiyone who was still asleep moved her foot and hit the stick to turn a steep left and then from both of the baths all of the water spilled out while they were in it. Tom: Whoops. >The Kiyone moved her leg and hit the autopilot. Crow: She's about as smooth as that other guy! >Then all the water spilled out and then all the electronics failed and Washuu had to repair all of it!!!, and then the mission would be delayed for weeks. Mike: Well at least she is getting some use. The free loader. >Everyone at Washuu's door, "Washuu will you help us fix this", Washuu, "I'm a scientist not a mechanic" Crow: Damnit Jim! >"I guess the greatest scientist in the universe can't fix it, I guess know one can", A puppet, "You are the greatest genius in the universe in the world", B puppet Tom: Umm... what's going on please? Mike: It's quite simple, Puppet A is making a direct vocal conversion to Puppet B while they are not without help from the vocal other of this 'Washuu..' Tom: Oh.. Gotcha. > "Yeah you are the greatest in the universe Washuu", Washuu standing with her hands her on her hip says superiorly, "Ok, I'll do it, But I think Tenchi's gonna have to go first in Ryoko's ship. Crow: Yeah screw Einstein, Newton, and Hawkins, your the best lady who lives under the stairs! >Tenchi and Ryoko are in the docking bay with the two nights. >Ryoko pushes them away and pulls Tenchi into her ship and takes off in Ryo-Ohki. Mike scratches his forehead, "So Umm... what do you guys want for dinner, porketta?" Crow: Sounds good to me.. >The Knights hurry up towards the bridge and bumps into Nobuyuki and says quickly, "Ryoko has taken Tenchi away in her ship". >Well now on Ryo-Ohki Tenchi says, "What are you doing Ryoko, take me back to the ship", Tom: Wow.. This is really foul. >Ryoko says, " NO, I know we're meant for each other", Crow: Yeah, I mean look, I have breasts, and you don't! Were perfect for each other! Mike: What did I say about the boob jokes.. Crow: Sorry.. >Tenchi says, " What are you talking about, Ryoko, bring me back this instant", >Ryoko says, "No, just take your time too look, I know we're meant for each other" Tom: Yes, and if you don't look, I am going to turn this ship around right now and take you bac... wait a second. >Tenchi slaps her then says, "Just think Ryoko are you insane, think about everyone else and what about Aeka", Mike: Ahh, this guy seems really nice, hitting women, enslaving them in the home, but shouldn't he be in Alabama not Japan? >Ryoko says " Tenchi forget about her, I uh I uh I love you Tenchi", Crow: Yeah.. Uhh.. Uhh.. Umm.. Duh... what was I saying? > Tenchi looking very surprised, "You can't Ryoko", Tom: I mean literally, you can't. >Ryoko says, "Why do you think I brought you here, why are we here?, why? Because I love you Tenchi can't you feel the same way". >He turns away madly then turns around and kisses her on the lips. Crow: You know what, I am starting to wish this had been a snuff film, at least then they would all be dead. >Ryoko says, "Why did you kiss me", "I don't know, I think- I think- I think- I love you too, that's why", Tom: Gosh I hope I see them together.... at the bottom of a well torn apart by animals. Mike: Calm down >Ryoko kisses him again and spends the rest of the night adrift, Crow: Alright! Zero G sex! Mike smacks his forehead again. >She made the first move by pushing him into bed then starting to suck his cock gently. Then he started to cum, with semen starting to flow into her mouth she began to swallow. After sucking for about an hour they were exhausted. Tom: I'm blind! BLIND!!! AAAAAAHHHHH! Crow: So is this what the Japanese do with their time? Mike: No... no.. This was done by a fan Crow. Tom runs around the theater screaming at the top of his lungs, "BLIND!!!!" Crow: Oh... what was his name again? Mike: I don't think he gave it... Crow: Damn... *puts away his shotgun* >Then Tenchi fell asleep in Ryoko's arms. Ryoko stroking his hair softly stayed awake thinking about Tenchi. Then she was worn out and fell asleep next to him. Tom: I can't see anything!!! AhhhhHh! Mike: Come here.. I'll rub some baby aspirin on you, it'll make you feel better. Tom: Oh.. That's better. >Meanwhile on the Yugami, Washuu is slowly repairing the electronics, the rest of the group is discussing what they should do, Crow: So... anyone see Happy Day's last night? Fonzie said 'Ehh... sit on it..' Tom: Really? Damn. That's supposed to be a good one too. >Older knight, " We have to save Princesses Aeka first, Tenchi and Ryoko will be fine", >Everyone else says dimly, "I guess you're right". Mike: You know. I think these people are starting to wish it was a snuff film too... >So they are traveling towards the planet Jurai, then Kiyone wakes up and looks at the console and says, "I've been asleep for that long, attention everyone we're about to arrive at Jurai, please get ready to battle Kagoto". Tom: Is there any reason they are fighting this person? Crow: Nope. Tom: Ah okay. >Twenty minutes later Kiyone announces a message that they're are there at Jurai so they see Nagi diverting the main fleet and they fly by them, then they come to the automated gun pods they don't what to do and goes a head a crashes into one that causes a chain reaction, they reach the inner atmosphere and see the spike missiles they try to dodge them but the left engine had serious damage then they see Funaho and Kiyone says they have to crash land by the tree. Mike: Eat death! Tom: Eat munchy crunchy cocco death! Crow: Have a nice serving of brown betty with death! But mostly eat death. > So they land and then the knights get out and then run towards the throne ready to fight. >They slay Kagoto without a problem. Crow: See there are some good parts to this.. They aren't leaving us hanging about this or the breakfast... we can rest to sure feel safe because they had breakfast... Yep... AAAAHHHH I am going to pull my brains out! Mike: There there Crow... *pats him on the back* >Then after battle Aeka asks, the knights reply, "why isn't Tenchi here Ryoko kidnaped Tenchi and went away", Tom: Because they were off blinding me.. >"Aeka we've got to search for Tenchi". Mike: Umm.. Why? >Preview of the Next Chapter No Need for a Search- "What were the last known coordinates of Ryo - Ohki" said Aeka. "Two one five seven three Epsilon" said Sanjioto-nii "Head there full speed" said Aeka. "When I find you I will destroy you for taking Tenchi from me!" Aeka thought. Then Ryo-Ohki came into full view flying adrift into space with the lights outside dim Aeka gasped "Tenchiiiii" and then ordered to lock onto Ryo-Ohki with a tractor beam. Then instantly Tom: Beam me up Scotty! >Well my comments to this fic are pretty simple I think I done ok but I'm not sure If you have any comments, death threats (taken seriously) or anything else e-mail me at dman_the_original@yahoo.com Crow: Mike do we have the Internet? I have some death threats to make... Mike: No.. Remember, we got kicked off of AOL because you threatened Steve Jobbs.. Crow: Oh yeah.. Whoops. Tom: Ah, that's it.. Lets get out of here.