Loden Taylor presents: No Need For a Bad Translation A Stupid Little SPAMfic Disclaimer: Tenchi Muyo!, and it's characters, are the property of Pioneer and AIC. I'm not making any money off of this, so please don't sue. As always, I'm open to C&C. My e-mail is loden_t@hotmail.com. ------------------------ The peace of the new day had been shattered suddenly with an explosion that had obliterated the Masaki home and left little more than a crater. Tossed about like rag dolls by the blast, the family lay where they had landed, half buried by rubble and unconscious. Coming to, Ryoko looked around in a daze. It took her a moment to get her bearings - the world seemed to be spinning around her, and it was difficult to focus on any particular object. Shaking her head to clear her vision, she noticed a bit of purple dress poking out from under the remains of a wall. "Ayeka!" she shouted, flying over to the princess. Flinging the rubble away, she lifted Ayeka to her feet and gently shook her. "...wha...Ryoko? What happened?" Ayeka, slowly regaining consciousness, clutched at her head in pain. She looked about in alarm. "Ryoko, what happened? Where are the others? Where's Sasami?" She pushed away from Ryoko and staggered through the wreckage of the house, searching for anyone else. "SASAMI! TENCHI! WHERE ARE YOU!" Ryoko flew into the air and began circling the crater. "TENCHI! SASAMI! MIHOSHI!" "Down here!" Came a voice. Looking down, Ryoko saw Tenchi helping Sasami to her feet. Landing next to the pair, she asked, "Are you both okay? Are you hurt?" Sasami, clutching onto Tenchi, shook her head. "No, I don't think so. My head hurts, but I'm okay." She looked up fearfully. "Ryoko, where's my sister?" "Over here, Sasami!" The three turned to see Ayeka and Mihoshi staggering towards them. Tenchi sighed with relief. "Thank God. Are you both all right?" Ayeka nodded as she helped Mihoshi through the rubble. "We're fine. Sasami? Tenchi? Are you hurt." Tenchi shook his head. "We're not hurt. But I think we should get down to Washu's lab before anything else happens." The others nodded in agreement. Quickly, they made their way to the ever-present closet door that lead through subspace to Washu's lab. ------------------------ Their minor injuries tended, Ryoko, Ayeka, Mihoshi, Tenchi, and Sasami sat in the lab while Washu rapidly typed away at her holocomputer. "Well Little Washu?" Tenchi asked, getting to his feet. "Can you tell us what happened?" Washu spun around on her cushion to face Tenchi and the group. Grimly, she said, "Someone set up us the bomb." There was a moment of profound silence as Tenchi paced back and forth, pondering what Washu had said. The girls merely looked at each other in confusion. "Miss...er, 'Little' Washu," Ayeka asked with uncertainty, "I'm not sure I understood you. Do you mean that someone planted a bomb in the house?" Washu made to answer, but was interrupted by a sudden alarm. "We get signal!" she gasped. Tenchi stopped pacing and rushed over to Washu. "What?" he shouted. This was echoed by the girls, who were puzzled by Washu's sudden lack of grammar. "Main screen turn on!" Washu shouted, pressing a button on her holocomputer. Instantly, a large viewscreen appeared in the air in front of the group, showing Kagato's leering face. Tenchi jumped back. "It's you!" Kagato laughed. "How are you gentlemen! All your base are belong to us!" Washu and Tenchi gasped in terror, while Ryoko, Ayeka, Sasami, and Mihoshi stared, dumbfounded. "WHAT?" Ryoko shouted. "What the hell is THAT supposed to mean?" Kagato looked over the group, a smug look of satisfaction on his face. "You are on the way to destruction!" Tenchi clutched his fists in rage. "What you say!" he bellowed. Mihoshi looked on in concern. "Tenchi, are you feeling okay? You're talking funny. Did you hit your head in the explosion?" Ryoko stood up and walked to the screen. "What? You aren't making any sense! What the hell is with you?" Kagato sneered, looking at Ryoko. "You have no chance to survive make your time," he stated. He then threw back his head and laughed. "HA HA HA HA...." Tenchi and Washu looked at each other in anguish, while Ryoko shouted at the screen. "What the hell was that?!? 'HA HA HA HA'? Why are you talking like an idiot?!?" The message was terminated, and the screen vanished. Enraged, Ryoko turned on Tenchi and Washu. "And what's with you two?!? You're just as bad as he is! Dammit, people, make some feakin' sense!" Washu, ignoring Ryoko, turned to Tenchi. "Take of every zig," she instructed. Tenchi nodded solemnly. Ayeka stood while Sasami and Mihoshi looked on quizzically. "Tenchi? Miss Washu? What is a 'zig'? What's happening here?" Ayeka walked over to the two. "How did Kagato come back? Why are you talking like that?" Washu, apparently oblivious to what was going on around her, continued to instruct Tenchi. "You know what you doing." Tenchi nodded again. "Move zig for great justice." The girls could only watch in utter confusion as Tenchi, a look of set determination on his face, ran through one of Washu's portals and vanished. Ryoko stared after Tenchi for a moment, completely agape. Then, turning away from the portal, she began shouting at Washu once again. "MOM!! What the HELL is going on?!? First Kagato blows up the house, THEN he starts taunting us with idiotic, nonsense phrases, and all you and Tenchi do is shout random, completely MEANINGLESS sentences!! What the hell?!?" Ayeka, looking anxious, nodded in agreement. "Honestly, Miss Washu, I can't understand a word you've been saying. 'For great justice?' What do you mean? What is a 'zig'? Washu gave Ryoko and Ayeka an impatient look. Typing on her computer, she said... ------------------------ "Loden!" Jumping as if goosed, Loden spun away from his computer to face Kiyone, who was standing in his doorway. She had her arms crossed, and on her face was a look of stern disapproval. "Are you writing bad fanfiction using that stupid "Zero Wing" intro again?" "Um..." Loden shifted nervously in his seat. "...yes?" Kiyone sighed. "Look, it's over with. That stupid little 'all your base are belong to us' catch phrase has been done to death!" "But I didn't even KNOW about it until just a couple of days ago! I haven't had my chance to over-use it yet!" Loden whined. "I don't care! Just leave it! It's done!" "Fine..." grumbled Loden as Kiyone left. Turning back to his computer, he began to write again... ------------------------ ...Washu made to answer Ryoko and Ayeka, but was interrupted by another signal. Activating the viewscreen, she stared in shock as it revealed Kagato and Tenchi, both drunk, sitting on a couch on board Kagato's ship. "WAZZUP?!?" they exclaimed in unison. Washu grinned as she leaned back on her cushion. "WAZZUP?!?" She answered. "WAZZUP?!?" "WAAAAAAAZZZZZUP?!?" ------------------------ "And no 'WAZZUP' jokes, either," Kiyone said, poking her head back in Loden's quarters. "Dammit!" Loden smacked his desk in frustration. "Fine then...I guess it's back to the MST's..." ------------------------ End notes: Just in case anyone DOESN'T know, the 'all your base are belong to us' dialogue is taken from the intro of the game "Zero Wing." It's incredibly poorly translated - if you want to see for yourself, go to: http://www.detonate.net/newsitems/01021601/ayb.swf It's a flash movie that features a dubbed version of the intro, as well as...well, you'll have to see for yourself. And, for those of you that DO know what I'm talking about, and are sick of hearing 'all your base are belong to us,' I'm so sorry. I just couldn't resist.