Hello again, and welcome to Norad III, the MSTing Battlecruiser. As always, I do not own these characters, except for myself, and of course I don't own any characters in the MSTed fic. Megaman X belongs to Capcom, Washu Hibiki belongs to Pioneer, Meis Triumph belongs to Atlus and Red Company, Samus Aran belongs to Nintendo, and Captain Invictus of the Ultramarines First Company and Warhammer 40K belongs to Games Workshop. With that said, on to the descriptions of our heros, and then to the MST. Also, my spellcheck is broken, so there may be a few mistakes. You will also have to read my last MSTs to get some of the jokes in this one. NEVER FORGET 9-11-01 These are the tales of the crew of the Terran Battlecruiser Norad III. They were trapped there by Dr. Wily, who forces them to read bad fanfiction. And, just to give you an idea of what we look like, here are some descriptions. JS: Formerly a bald human seventeen-year-old, but was recently changed by Washu to have one attribute from each MST crew member. He now has an arm cannon called the J-Buster, a blue sword called the J-Saber, a helmet with ocular sensors in it, acid spit, and he didn't want anything from Meis. Megaman X: Last robot created by Dr. Light before his death. Leads the Maverick Hunters fourth unit, as Captain. Can interchange armor parts, and use a variety of weapons. Wearing the Force Armor, a white, cool-looking armor. It allows him to hover in midair, take lots of damage, and use a special Giga Attack. Samus Aran: A bounty hunter from deep into the galaxy, her family was killed in a space pirate attack. Wears a special suit of Power Armor that was built by the Chozo, or Bird-People. This version of the armor is the Varia suit. Armed with an array of different energy beams, that can charge up to become more powerful. Has optical sensors built into helmet for better sight in the dark. Hates all perverts, especially Meis. Washu Habuki: One of three Goddesses: Herself, Tokimi, and Tsunami. Self-proclaimed "Greatest Scientific Genius in the Universe", and nobody except maybe Yume has the brains to contest that title. Wears her old Science Acadamy clothes, and is armed with her Holoputer. She is 20,000+ years old. Also has a small forcefield generator, because of a certain pervert's continued insults toward a certain purple-haired princess. Has her hair inside a hat, so that it doesn't catch on fire in case anyone decides to use fire weapons. Meis Triumph: Possibly the luckiest guy in the world. He has twelve beautiful women all falling for him, and he isn't afraid to date them all! Wears a cloak, white pants, and a brown shirt. Has his trusty W- Blade at his side, and also can call upon many powerful beasts of magic to aid him. (For example, if Samus was trying to kill him again, he would summon Aquoon, the water dragon.) Probably the biggest pervert in the world, and proud of it. Has a high threshold for pain, possibly because of the constant beatings he gets from the other MSTers. Captain Invictus of the Ultramarines First Company: From the year 40,000, is second-in-command of one of the most powerful Space Marine Chapters in the galaxy, the Ultramarines. They are one of humanity's greatest achievements. He is eight feet tall, wears a suit of Terminator Armor.(Very large, bulky suit of all-enclosing mechanical armor, increases senses and reaction time one-hundred-fold.) Armed with a Storm Bolter(Huge double-barreled gun with detonate-on-contact ammunition) and a glowing blue Power Sword.(four foot long blade, with a matter-disrupting field around it, basically allows him to cleave through anything) Has three hearts, four lungs, can spit acid, see in the dark, hear a pin drop from a thousand paces, run at speeds of up to thirty miles per hour, and is about the most loyal person to the Emperor of Humanity you can find. Also wearing an Iron Halo, which gives him a powerful forcefield. --------Inside Norad III's Rec room, as usual-------- I can't believe that we've already done ten MSTs already! Man, we are on a roll! And you're happy about this, why? I dunno, I guess it's just that this means there are ten less fics for us to MST. Yeah, but you forget, the bad fic authors are constantly churning out new piles of crap every day. =__= I know, I know. I'm bored. I think I'll go play pool with Meis. (Heads off to the pool table) So, Zero, how does it feel to have a day off from working on the ship? Man, it feels great! I haven't been able to sit back and rest my gears in a long time. Yeah, Wily works you hard, doesn't he? He's a freakin' slave driver! Uh-huh. Anyway, Washu, have you figured out a way to get out of here yet? Yep! It's all in here!(Taps on head) Great! Let's hear it! Alright, it goes like this: first, we-(A pool ball comes flying from the direction of the pool table and smacks Washu in the back of the head) *THWOCK* O__O; Washu, are you okay? Ungh..yeah, I think so. What was I saying again? I totally forgot. NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! (Walking over to the group) Hey guys, did you see where my pool ball went? I seem to have hit it a little too hard. INVICTUS, YOU IDIOT! O__o; What did I do? U__U*** Never mind, it doesn't matter anymore. --------Incoming transmission-------- Hello, guinea pigs! (Shaking fist) That's MY line! Not anymore! Anyway, I would like to introduce my new associate to you. (Motions towards a shadowy figure) Hello, cretins! I hope you're having a positively miserable time here! (Whispering to ???) I don't care if you've used that one already, I like it anyway! This person is the evil doctor for another group. They will be joining you today. Yes, you may be familiar with a few of them already. I'm sure you, Invictus, remember being squished by a giant mech? Do I ever! I had to have Washu reposition my spine! And JS, you will have a tough time with the leader, who's name is ALSO JS! No problemo, I'll just have you guys call me Jamie again!........Wait, do you mean Joe's group? I sure do! They should be arriving anytime now...(A group of people appear far overhead) GET OUT OF THE WAY! (Every one runs for cover) *WA-BAM!* Yep, there goes my spine. Geez, are you guys okay?! (getting up) Noo.we just fell several hundred feet onto our backs in the most possibly painful way. We're fine. Why, hello there! (Points an accusing finger at Asuka, and has an eye twitch) I recognize your voice. You're the one that squished me a while back! I will not stand for this impunity! You will pay! And it was very painful, to boot! Shoo fly, don't bother me. RAAAARGH! I WILL NOT TAKE THIS! I WILL NOT stand for zzzzzz... (Falls unconcious) What did you do to him, Washu? Oh, I just gave him a sedative. He should be waking up right about (Invictus pops up) now! Huh? What just happened? ^__^ Hi, little Ryoko! (monotone) Hello mother. Well, there are MY little guinea pigs. Don't you start that too! I think I've tortured you long enough, now to reveal my true identity. (The darkness lights up to reveal a blonde woman in a scientist's uniform) RITSUKO?! (has JS [Joe, not Jamie] in a head lock, while punching him in the head) How.many times.have I told you.not.to take riffs.off of other.MSTrs?! (choking) I swear Asuka.I couldn't help it. Don't forget me! (monotone) Of course not, ladies and gentlemen, Dr. Kochin. (The camera turns top an old man at a keyboard, he waves at them) Who? (face-faults) I am Dr. Wheelo's right hand man! You know! From the second DBZ Movie! (Starts swinging arm around and pointing at Kochin excitedly) Yeah! I've seen you! Oh, wait, I haven't seen that movie yet. (Kochin facefaults) (yelling at JS, who's scrunched on the floor) YOU'RE PUSHING IT! Now my pretties, we have a Triple Horror Feature to show you.enjoy. As long as it doesn't involve Tank Cop or Tenchi on a Plate of Sashimi, I'm fine. Sure. (Others stare at them nervously) Well, Onto the MST! --------All enter the theater-------- Hey, there are a bunch more seats! I call this one! (Points to one of the two most comfortable chairs) I don't think so, Meis. Those chairs are for the leaders of the groups. You guys got chairs for the leaders? Yep, Wily is pretty good when it comes to making a comfortable living area. Aw, why do you guys get special treatment? Because we're the captains! Oh well it doesn't matter to me.as long as I'm next to my Asuka- chan! *KLONG!* =__=; Great, another crazy girl to beat up on me. Sasami's problem. Gonorrhea? *KLONG!* This is NOT good. by AAA-PhuckNut This is REALLY not good. (as Bob) This is bad.this is really, bad. It's been a while since I wrote a fic, so well whatever that means, here is another piece of wonderful work for you to enjoy. Now THAT was a run-on. I'm surprised he didn't just put "piece of shit" instead of "wonderful work". Okay, everybody. You swear, you're a water sprite. Do I make myself clear?! (looks back to Washu) You turn me into a water sprite and you're dead. -__-; Yes ma'am. ^__^ You can't kill me if you're a water sprite! Well, I guess you could, but it'd be pretty damn hard. That's not a good idea Washu. He has a contract with me that states he must stay in his original body, otherwise I'll lose all my money. (note to self: insert the fucking disclaimer here you jackass.) Jesus, that was rude! Yes, but he said it to himself! Oh geez, we forgot special guests! Hey Washu, can you get me Misato from Evangelion?! And why do you want HER?! (interrupting) No prob. (Misato appears) What in the world.?! (controlling her anger) Why.do you want.HER?! (clings around Misato's waist) Because two Eva girls are better than one! (looks down at JS, then at Asuka) Loveable, isn't he? That isn't love. (Misato pushes JS off and takes a seat near Jamie) ------- HEY! He's using MY separation lines! Geez, calm your hemorrhoids. I DO NOT HAVE HEMORRHOIDS!!! It was a bright morning, and the sound of cooking could be heard in the kitchen. Tenchi awakens from his night of sleep, and his wonderful dream. Shouldn't that be "had awoken"? Tenchi - "Damn! It was just a dream! And Amagasaki's ass was so plump too..." AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUGH! !!! THE IMAGES! OH GOD THE HORRIBLE IMAGES! (JS looks over at Asuka, then tries to kiss her, but is stopped as she grabs his face) Geez, he's worse than me! Maybe I'll make it through this one without getting Beetle-Baileyed! Actually that's his way to try and kill himself. He tried it when we watched "The New Goddess." Sasami - "Tenchi! Breakfast is SHITFUCK ready! Get the SHITFUCK down here now!" Oh dear god. Why not fuckshit.uh oh.quack! Are you deaf or something? Did you not hear Washu? Stupid man! Hmph. (pulls out a fork and knife) Duck a la orange! (running off) QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK! Tenchi gets out of bed and runs down to the kitchen. Tenchi - "Sasami! Are you feeling ok?" (Sasami) No I'm SHITFUCK not o-QUACK! (Shaking his head) He just never learns, does he? Just then Ayeka enters the kitchen. Sasami - "Of course I'm SHITFUCKING ok! Now eat your SHITFUCK!" Ewwwwww. I think I'll skip on breakfast today. You, Vegetta, and Joe just emptied out the castle today. Then I'll skip lunch. Ayeka - "Sasami! Watch your language! She's stealing my line! That is not the way princesses talk!" No CRAP, Sherlock. HA! Didn't say it! (comes back, still kappa) Quack. Sasami - "Shut the SHITFUCK up!" Such harsh language! We might have to teach her a lesson. Tenchi - "She seems to love that word, SHITFUCK!" POOF! You're a water sprite! Dammit, it didn't work! (looks at Washu) Quack quack. You know, he's cute like this. (Asuka stares nervously at her, JS cuddles in Misato's lap) Ayeka - "Oh my god! I have seen this before, it is the very early stage of her Juraian period! The SHITFUCK syndrome!" O__o; What the hell? Tenchi - "Well what the hell do we have to do to help her! Was that supposed to be a question? Post-Tank Cop syndrome. It's affecting a lot of writer's nowadays. And whats the next stage, anyways?" Ayeka - "We must rape and pillage her face with tools that will put her into submission so we can lock her in her room! ...... I didn't mean it like that. THE AUTHOR WILL DIEEEEEE!!!! N-now now, Jamie, get a hold of yourself! Fine, but if he does anything else to Sasami, Belarius is comin' back! Do we want to know who Belarius is? (Glows red, then begins to change. He transforms into a twenty-foot-tall, four-winged, six-armed creature with a weapon of destruction in each hand. Silver-colored armor forms around his body. His head forms two horns, fire red hair, and a mouth full of fangs. His skin turns black and starts to crack open, and lava begins to seep into the cracks. Some of the skin forms into huge metal razor-spikes, and three spike-tipped tails emerge from his back.) O__O;;; (Edging away from Belarius) Um, I think you guys had better get away from him when he's like that. And why is that? (Points to the lava that is slowly seeping towards him) EEP! (jumps away) Luckily, I installed heat-resistant metal plates into the floor. I AM BELARIUS! SMITER OF PEDOPHILES, HERO TO ALL YOUNG ANIME GIRLS! I WILL CRUSH THIS AAA-PHUCKNUT FOR HIS SENSELESS BEATINGS OF SASAMI! Um, Belarius? He already defeated you once. WELL, WHEN SOMETHING LIKE _HIM_ ATTACKS YOU, YOU REALLY DON'T HAVE MUCH OF A DEFENSE. So, Belarius, you never told us what he actually looked like. HE LOOKED LIKE.......(sulks) C'mon, tell us! (Quietly) He looked like a little white bunny. (JS crew face-faults) WHAAAAT?! BUT, AS MANY OF YOU SHOULD KNOW, DO NOT JUDGE BY APPEARANCES! THAT LITTLE BUGGER WAS FAST! THERE WERE LITTLE KNIGHT'S HEADS STREWN EVERYWHERE! IT WAS HORRIBLE! (Thinking) Maybe I shouldn't tell him that he went to the Monty Python and the Holy Grail set. (Stops thinking) Jamie, I think you should calm down. Just sit back and relax, and change back. FINE, FINE. (Changes back to Jamie, who is butt naked) EEEK! (Grabs his armor and gets dressed behind one of the theater doors) ..............AAAAUGH! RYOKO! GO AWAY! The next stage is called the, Simulated Hair Tentacle Rape syndrome. And that would be Pre-Overfriend syndrome. No no, it would be Pre-LA BLUE GIRL syndrome. She isn't a demon you know. (The others look like they're going to throw up) Basically, her pony tails will get a mind of their own and rape anything they can!" ...... (Starts glowing bright red) ALRIGHT, HERE HE COMES AGAIN! *SHEEN* *FOOM* OUCH. (Puts Lascannon away) No more Belarius! Tenchi - "Hmmm, well that second stage doesn't sound too appealing, so lets get to work!" Ayeka then hands Tenchi a lead pipe, and they proceeded to "Rape and Pillage" Sasami's face, untill she was either unconcious or dead, it was hard to tell. OH. MY. GOD. Quack! Oh, very well. This man is very disturbed. How about you? (still cuddling) Quack quack.*POOF!* (he blinks in shock a couple times, looks at Misato) Of course this is a little better. (she pushes him off) I think we knew that he was disturbed when he had Sasami say "SHITFUCK". X, I'm warning you, don't make me turn you into a water sprite. HEY! Why does he get a warning and you turn me into a water sprite right off the bat?! Because I hate your guts, dear. Then they threw her into her room and locked her in there. (as Ayeka) And don't come out of there until you thought about what you've done. (as Sasami) Alright.I'm done thinking, I want out. Tenchi - "Well I'm glad we were able to detain her, but did we really have to hurt her so bad? I mean I feel really awful now, having to do that to Sasami." Yeah, you should! (Glowing)YOU WILL DIEEEE! *BLAMBLAMBLAMCHOFCHOFWHUMP* OW! NO MORE BELARIUS! Ayeka - "Nah.. We didn't have to do that to her, but it was just something I've always wanted to do for quite some time now, besides, you'll get over it you pussy." (Stunned silence) I'll have to kill Ayeka when I get back. Remember Washu, it's just a fic! That's what they said about "A Lunch Date," too. (others stare at her nervously, she blushes and slinks out of sight) Tenchi - "Gee, thanks Ayeka, your so kind." He used the wrong "You're". Just then Ryoko phases into the room reading the newspaper. Tenchi notices an advertisement on the back: *********************************************************************** ************* * * Wow, what an advertisement! I don't think that was it, Invictus. Remembering AAA-Phucknut, it probably is. * JIM BAGLEADUCIA's LUST BARN AND ZOMBIE EMPORIUM! * * * * We are a professional dating service! We also specialize in selling the undead * (Sarcastically) Wow, what a great combination. You can get laid, AND, get your brain eaten in the same day. (others stare at her nervously) * to fulfill your every request! We got the best deals this side of Texas! * *(Texans are really stupid and will buy anything, thats why our stuff is so cheap!)* HEY! You're a Texan?! No, but I have a Texan friend. This author is a JACKASS! I have a cousin who's lives in Texas. Nobody cares. (hugs Misato) You care, don't you? (lightly pushing him away) Not really. So if your looking for a hot date, or a Zombie, or both! * * (note: Get our super package and you get a zombie that also doubles as a * * hot date! Ewwwww. Mega savings on this deal!) Come on down today! * *********************************************************************** ************* I guess Minesweeper is a pretty popular game. Naw.Asteroids though. Tenchi - "Wow! Look at that ad on the back of the paper!" (Tenchi) Mmmmmm..zombies... Ayeka and Ryoko read the ad. Read, Ayeka and Ryoko, read. Ayeka - "Hmmmm... That super package sounds really great." (All face-fault) Geez, I didn't know Ayeka was a necrophiliac! (LOGS) *KRRZZZAAAAAP* (Fried) WHY DO YOU HAVE TO SAY THAT KIND OF STUFF?! Grrrr..I'll get you for this, Ayeka.. Ahh.I almost missed those. That was unpleasant. Ryoko - "What the hell are you talking about Ayeka?!" Yeah, what ARE you talking about? Ayeka noticing that she was thinking out loud, "Uhhh nothing!" Ewwwww. Tenchi - "We can buy some zombies to take over for Sasami while she is going through her problems!" Wow, those are some pretty smart zombies if they can cook, clean, and wash dishes. And all this time I thought zombies were brain dead. (Vegetta pulls out a drum set and does a rim-shot) Ryoko - "Huh? Whats wrong with Sasami?" Ayeka - "Oh, she is having her Juraian period!" Just then the lights dim, and Ryoko's face goes from confused to scared, OOGITY BOOGITY! Ryoko - "It.. it... it hasn't reached the SSL stage yet.. has it?" What the hell is the SSL? Super.(Asuka puts her hand over his mouth) Ayeka - "No! That is impossible! No Juraian's period has ever reached the SSL stage in over 1 million years!" Ryoko - "The SSL is destined to return! It has been trapped in the Juraian blood line for too long! It will return one day!" WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?! Tenchi - "Umm... What the hell is the 'SSL'?" EXACTLY!!! ^__^; Calm down, Samus, you're gonna have a stroke. (through megaphone) Stroke.stroke.stroke. *KLONG!* Ow! Well at least I didn't do (grabs his crotch) Stroke stroke stroke stroke.! *KLONG KLONG KLONG!* Hey you guys, can we have a turn too? Sure! This is going to hurt. A LOT. (Happily) *Snif* For once, I'm doing the beating, not receiving! Here I go! (Author takes a deep breath) *BLAMCHOFSHEENFOOMWHAMWHAMWHAMHACKHACKDONGCHOFCHOFCHOFTHWACKPOWWHUMPKAB LOOEYZEENZEENZEENWHACKSLAMBLAMBONKHURTPAINTHUMPTHUMPBLAMBLAMBLAMBLAMBLA MBLAMBLAMBLAMBLAMBLAMBLAMBLAMBLAMBLAMBLAMBLAMCLICKCLICKCLICK* Rats! Ran out of ammo! DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE! *CHOFCHOFCHOFCHOFCHOFCHOFCHOF CHOFCHOFCHOFCHOFCHOFCHOFCLICKCLICK* Dammit, I'm out of energy! Samus, we only wanted to hurt him, not kill him. (Sheepishly) Oops. Hee hee. I guess I've been beating on Meis too long. You know you love me! *SLAM* OWWW! My face! U__U* I do NOT like you, Meis. (gets up;healed;cracks his back) Thanks guys. That crick in my spine was beginning to bother me. -_-;;;; O__O;;;;; HOW THE HELL DID YOU DO THAT?!! :Samus: (Loading a Plasma-level energy cell into her Arm Cannon) WHY WON'T YOU DIE?! *ZEENZEENZEENZEENZEENZEENZEENZEENZEENZEENZEENZEEN!!!* OOH! AH! EE! NOT THERE! HEY! THAT ONE FELT GOOD! DO IT AGAIN! Oooooooooo. ^__^; I think I'll stop while I'm behind. A portal appeared right above the table, and out came Washu, (Covering her face with her hands) Oh please don't involve me in this. Washu - "The SSL is none other than the SHIT SUCK LOBSTER of course!" O__O! WHAT THE HELL?!! Oh no, not the Shit Suck Lobster! You don't have any idea what it is, do you? Not a clue. Now cue dramatic music. BUM BUM BUMMMMMMMMM (Meis pulls out a drum set) BA-DA-BUMP! Washu - "Well I would love to explain, but I have more important things to attend to, such as, stuff thats more important to me. Uh.. yeah." Tenchi - "Ok then, can one of you girls tell me about the Shit Suck Lobster?" Please don't go into details. BUM BUM BUMMMMMMMMM Tenchi - "Wait, why the hell does it do that everytime I say Shit Suck Lobster?" BUM BUM BUMMMMMMMMM BUM BUM BUMMMMMMMMM Ryoko - "Because it is a mystery! That must be solved! Using clever! tactics! and unbeatable! strategy!" That has got to be the most exclamation points used in a row of sentences. And most of them weren't even full sentences! Full sentences my ass! He just put one after each word! Just then a strange visitor arrives in the kitchen, Tenchi - "Who the hell are you, and how did you get in?" BAH! My security system would have reduced him to quarks and leptons by now. What the hell are those? Since you're an idiot, you wouldn't know. Them's fightin' words! Oh, please. (Turns Meis into a mule) Ha! Now you really ARE a jackass! (Mule, sticks out tongue) THPLTHPL! MYSTERIOUS STRANGER STRANGE MAN - "Hello kindling! My name is Ghay Secks, I am China! Do you wish to make the gay?!" OH NO! "Do you wish to make the gay?" Tenchi - "Yes please, hump me up the homo butt!" I guess Tenchi really IS gay. He DOES act like it, too. NOW you realize it! *BLAM!* Ghay Secks - Gee, what a clever name. It show's AAA's intelligence to the fullest. "Ok I am removing my clothes now!" And what a stereotypical way for a Chinese person to talk. (Jusenkyo guide) You very strange one, no, sir? Suddenly Tenchi breaks out of his trance, and notices that he is getting 'slammed' up the ass by one of the zombies (Throw up) BLEEAAARGH! It's one thing to bang a dead person, but to have the dead guy bang YOU BACK.! he purchased earlier at JIM BAGLEADUCIA's LUST BARN AND ZOMBIE EMPORIUM. Zombie - "MMMMMMFFMFPPPPMFNNN" What, does it have a mouthful of food or something? Probably Tenchi. *BLLLLLLLLLLLLLEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!* Tenchi - "Oh zombie, your so sly with words, I swoon for you!" AGAIN he uses the wrong "you're". Zombie - "BLARGLE" What the hell is that supposed to mean? Tenchi - "A great tradgedy has occured! Because your body is so old and rotting, your MANSTICK has broken off in my MANHOLE!" AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH! NEIGH! Too bad, you're staying that way. Oh God! If Belldandy with a penis wasn't bad enough, THIS.! Yosho - "TENNNNNNCHIIIIIII! Don't destract the zombies when they are supposed to be working, by getting naked and dancing for me!" Oh no, don't involve HIM in this too. I can't STAND old people sex. Well, what about you? DUCK! DIEEEEE! (Starts shooting energy blasts out of her palms a la Anima) *BoomboomboomboomboomboomboomboomboomboomboomboomBOOMBOOM BOOMBOOMBOOMBOOMBOOMBOOMBOOMBOOMBOOMBOOMBOOM!!* (Charred, but not too badly because of his Iron Halo) OUCH. (viewing the carnage) Not bad. Noboyuki - "Hey! Let me have a turn! If you want to see a naked decaying body so bad, go stare in a mirror!" BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! (Wiping tears away from his eyes) Oh, that was a good one! I'll have to use that one on Katsuhito when I get back! Ryoko - "Wow! Who would have thought zombies would be so cool?" Ayeka - "Zombies = Quality! It's simple math really!" That's not even a math problem, you 'tard. Tard? Did you mean to say terd? No, TARD. As in, REtard. As in, YOU. Tenchi - "Hey! You know what would make us look REALLY COOL?" Ryoko - "Beating up hairless crippled children, with lead pipes?" (Everyone is stunned silent, a tumbleweed roll across their feet) I have found my person to hate. (Old geezer) EVIL! Don't make me hurt you. Joe does that already. Finally! I thought he would never decide. Tenchi - "Well, yeah that would, but what I meant was, we start throwing in words from another language into what we say!" (Covering face) Here we go... Ayeka - "Excellent bokken Tenchi! Please bento my chou!" The hell? (as hick) I want you to put your whooey whacker in my cha-cha! *KLONG!* See? (Pulls out a book) Let's see....Bokken is a sword, and Bento is a lunchbox. Tenchi - "Don't you agree with my views that the daikon is very domo?" This guy is using Japanese words without even knowing what they mean! Do you? Cause I sure don't. Ryoko - "Why ecchi! Geta gaishou gambatte!" Ayeka - "Hassheen gomen nasai hentai!" Why is Ayeka apologizing to a pervert? (Author note: Yes! I am now a very "hip" and "in style" author because I used JAPA-nese in my english story!) (JS's Note: I have no idea what the fuck he's saying) (Jamie's note: Neither do I) *back in sasami's room* Ryo-ohkie - "MEEEEEOOOOOOOWWWWW!" WOOF WOOF! No dammit! Not bestiality! Ryo-ohkie screamed in pain as Sasami moved into stage 2, and her pony- tails surged with ferocity that only those super rape tentacle things can give off. The first thing her hair saw was poor little Ryo-ohkie, God, I can't stand it when people misspell RYO-OHKI's name! YOU'E WORRIED ABOUT THAT RIGHT NOW?! You may not know it, but I am making a name for myself as one of the pickiest nitpickers ever! so that was their target of RAPE, but not pillage, because they are not yet capable of rape AND pillage, just the rape part. OKAY? Can you stick to the pillage please? No, cause then it would pillaging Ryo-Ohki's. File transfer! Oh goodie! What? It just finished downloading a small film from La Blue Girl. The part where the blonde girl screws her. (both with mallets) JOE *KLONG!* NO *KLONG!* BAKA *KLONG!* HENTAI! *KLONG!* ^__^; You would think he'd do that when Asuka wasn't around. Poor little Ryo-ohkie was getting ripped to shreds from Sasami's rape tentacle hair. Oh dear god no... Sasami just watched in horror as her favorite little pet was mercilessly raped, blood flying all over the room as her ponytails diced Ryo-ohkie up, like a pair of ginsu knives, It slices! It dices! It cuts Ryo-Ohki's.! VEGETTA! Don't involve Ginsu knives in this! and she couldn't do anything about it. Washu then teleported the gang to her lab to do... well something. What gang? The Triads? Columbian Cartel? What? I'm not letting you play Grand Theft Auto III again. Ol' Dirty Bastard (no not yosho!) - But a remarkable resemblance of him! "Yo what da fuck we be doin here?" Washu - "No dammit! I said 'the gang' not 'the clan'!" She then summoned the correct gang, Tenchi and company. And here we go with the bad puns. Washu - "I should probably explain the SHIT SUCK LOBSTER! To you all." BUM BUM BUMMMMMMMM BUM BUM BUMMMMMMMM! Washu - "That way we wont have to deal with the music of mystery!" That way it will shorten the story! YAAAAY! Tenchi - "Ok then, explain!" Washu pulls down a poster, that has a diagram on it, and a giant picture of a lobster type creature. Great, now he's creating new Pokemon. Washu - "This is the Shit Suck Lobster, it is randomly awakened from the Jurai bloodline during a Juriain period. It has all the features you would expect on a normal lobster, 2 large claws, multiple legs. Now this story's title has changed into..The Anatomy of a Lobster! (as infomercial salesman) We interrupt your documentary, "Sasami-The Anorexic Lobster." It is slightly bigger than the common lobster, and has a special tube in its mouth. Basically it sneaks up on its prey using unmatched tactics and cunning! (Sarcastically) How exciting! Then it latches onto its legs with its claws, and rams its tube up the victims rectum, Our crew has seen enough stuff rammed up people's a-I mean, butt's. (Misato and the Norad III crew stare at her nervously) and starts to suck the victims shit, the sustanence it needs to survive. That's absolutely disgusting. Well, what do you expect from something called a Shit Suck Lobster? This is your LAST chance, X! Sorry, sorry. Oh, it also has one of those little transparent windows on the tube like that giant bug thing in Starship Troopers, so you can see the shit as it gets sucked out! To quote Vegita yet again, "This man's stupidity is painful." (grabs Jamie's collar) The only person who quotes me, is me. (Waving hands in front of his face) ^__^; DIFFERENT VEGITA! DIFFERENT GROUP! Really cool if you ask me!" (Grossed out) Ugh, I would never say that about something THAT disgusting. Ryoko - "Uhhhhh......" Duuuuuhhhhhh.... Washu - "You don't understand, do you? Ok, let me simplify. I think I'm gonna have a heart attack in a second. IT FUCKING SUCKS YOUR SHIT MAN, SO DONT LET IF FUCKING CATCH YOU, UNLESS YOU LIKE TUBES RAMMED UP YOUR ASS TO SUCK OUT YOUR SHIT, AND IF YOU DO WELL STILL DONT LET IT BECAUSE IT FATALY SUCKS YOUR SHIT UNTILL YOU DIE FROM DEATH! (Grabbing chest) AGH! M-my heart! (Passes out) (electricity flying through his hands) CLEAR! (Popping up) WHY HELLO JEEBUS! (Falls back down) ^__^;;; AND THAT IS A VERY DEADLY PUNISHMENT IF YOU ASK ME!" Tenchi - "Whoa, it didn't do the BUM BUM BUMMMMMM music when you said its name!" What a genius! NEIGH! You know they eat horses in china? (VERY frightened) N-N-NEEEEEIGH! I think they eat anything as long as it's not moving. Washu - "Thats because you understand it now, silly boy." Silly rabbit, Trix are for kids! (as Naga the Serpent) Silly Phucknut, tricks are for children! (others stare nervously at him) What? After more wacky antics by those wiley zombies we finally arrive to the later portion of the day, you know, the part of the day when its no longer day, and becomes night? ZOMBIEYS R00L MAN! r0x0r ur ASS! I don't think I've ever seen someone more devoted to Slaanesh than this person. Slaneeshawhat? (Looks like a professor all of a sudden and pulls down a chart with a giant bull-man-tentacle thingy on it) THIS is a Slaaneshi Keeper of Secrets. Slaanesh is the god of pleasure. You do NOT want to be stuck in the same room with one of these guys.(points to the creature on the chart) But I think you already knew that when you saw the tentacles. (Smacks her forehead) Invictus, stop trying to explain Warhammer 40K to them. They will never understand it. But I can try! (Sigh heavily) Y'know, that thing kinda looks like Pantyhose Taro. (A huge bull-yeti-crane-eel creature busts through the wall, steps on Jamie, holds up a sign saying, "DON'T CALL ME THAT!" and then leaves) That was painful. Besides the fact that I don't think any of this qualifies as pleasure. But what about S&M? Only freaks like that kind of stuff. JS, you say a word, and you'll have a neat little hole right in the middle of your forehead. (singing) Just whip it! Whip it good! *KLONG!* *CHOF* *Sasami's room* Everyone's worst fear had come true, no, not the one that involved Donald Trump, GET IT AWAY! but rather the one where the SHIT SUCK LOBSTER emerged from the stink hole that is known as Sasami's cunt. I think I'm going to follow Jamie's lead. O-oh, my heart! ("Accidentally" bangs her head on the floor and falls unconscious) Sasami's corpse lay in 2 halves on the floor, blood pouring everywhere. (Throw up) BLEAAARGH! (Recovering) Oh God, that's disgusting! (crying) SASAMI NOOOOOOOO! SSL - "Blargle Fargle" WHAT THE HELL DOES THAT MEAN??!!!! The SSL then used its special powers that I neglected to mention earlier because I just now made them up, I think I'll hunt this guy down and kill him, for his stupidity. I wouldn't if I were you. Remember, he defeated Belarius. Oh, yeah. (Wakes up) So, guys, what'd I miss? (Whispering to Invictus) I think it's best we not tell him about what just happened. (Whispering to X) Agreed. ^__^; You didn't miss anything, Jamie! T__T* Then why do you have a sweatdrop? ^__^;;;;;;; No reason, none at all! To raise Ryo-ohkie from the dead and make her become a zombie egg layer alien thingy. Because by now everyone knows that ZOMBIES = QUALITY. Not really, no. Its simple math and should be included in elementary curriculum. (British accent) What a bloomin' idiot! (as teacher) Now class, you should never mix AAA-Phucknut with fanfiction, because as you know, they go very bad together. (JS raises his hand) Yes? (nervously stands up; as student) I think we're supposed to be studying the female anatomy now.particularly yours. Oh, he's just asking for it. (smacks him lightly in the head with a ruler) No. Do you need time to think about what you just said? I think so, but could I have a moist towelette and a squirt of Jergan's Lo- *KLONG!* (to Misato) ARE YOU_TRYING_, TO MAKE HIM WORSE????!!!! (Misato gets a sweatdrop, the others ignore them) Ryo-ohkie - "meowMFFFFNPPFFFFFNNm blargle" SSL - "Blargle Fargle" \__/********* WHAT THE HELL DOES THAT MEAN??!!!!!!! Ryo-ohkie acknowledged the orders given to her by the SSL, and she set out to accomplish them. *The garage* We don't have a garage! That's three times an author has remodeled my house. I wonder if I can go for five? And aren't you supposed to be unconcious? Oh yes, that's right. Silly me! (Beats herself in the head with a frying pan until she knocks herself out) ^__^; Mihoshi, being the chronic ciggarette smoker that she is, You learn somethin' new everyday, don't ya? Yeah, like, it's octopi, and not octopuses. was sucking on the tail pipe of a running car because she heard on some retarded truth.com commercial that it equals like 1000 ciggarettes or some stupid outrageous claim like that. That's Mihoshi for you. (Jim Ohki) DON'T INSULT MY MIHOSHI!!! *BAM* (Cracking knuckles) Stop mocking him! Mihoshi - "Whoooaaa I feel dizzy!" I would too if I had been sucking on ZERO percent oxygen for any length of time. Geez, this fic Mihoshi is a real retard! She's ALWAYS a retard. Then as Mihoshi stood up, Ryo-ohkie the cyborg zombie hybrid super ninja lobster creation or whatever the hell I said it was earlier, When the author doesn't know what's he's talking about, that's never a good sign. Uh, Ranma? Couldn't you see that the guy's name is AAA- Phucknut? THAT'S never a good sign. came running in and jumped at Mihoshi, latched onto her face, and proceeded to implant eggs in her face. (Grabbing chest) Run-on sentence! ARGH! (Falls unconcious) ^__^; AGAIN?! And now the fic has become ALIENS. Great. The first one was scary, the second one was the best, I don't remember the third one, and Resurrection was actually a little sad. Well why don't you cry about it. Ryo-ohkie then jumped off and exploded into blood and guts and other stuff that things explode into. Ewwww. (Waking up) *Yawn* Ah, that was peaceful! (Looks at screen, where Ryo-Ohki is exploding) AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUGH!!!!(Faints again) Geez, we must be going for the record of most faints during an MST. Yeah, but you still haven't beaten our record of most face-faults in a MST. *Living room* Everyone stared in disbelief as the dreaded SSL came in. SSL - "Blargle Fargle" Grrrrrrrr.... Tenchi - "Zombies! Attack it quickly!" Zombie - "MFFFFFFFNNNNNPPMfffff" It must have peanut butter on the roof of it's mouth, or something. GAH! When did you change back?! Oh, about five minutes ago. (holding nose) It was beginning to smell in here. (Pulls out W-Blade) WHAT did you say? Do you want to meet SODINE?! (all fire some form of ki at Meis) Shut up. (Sees the ki coming at him) EEK! SODINE! (A beautiful, giant spectral woman appears, and flicks the blasts away) HA! *CHOFCHOFCHOFCHOFCHOF* PAIN! Washu - "Becareful Tenchi! However, do not BE CAREFUL, Tenchi! The SSL is very slick with words, and he might convince your zombies to turn on us!" Tenchi - "Don't worry Washu, my zombies are loyal!" No, they aren't. SSL - "Blargle Fargle" Just then, the zombies were conned by the SSL's words of wit and whimsey, and turned on the Tenchi gang. See? And since when does "blargle fargle" constitute as words of wit and whimsy? Ayeka - "Loyal my ass! SHITFUCK!" Then a great battle errupted with many things that great battles have, like explosions, and guns, and half-naked chicks. YEAH! WOOHOO! *KLONG* U__U* You couldn't go ONE MST without being a hentai, could you? *KLONG!* I'LL do the KLONGING around here, think of your own sound. Okay, hows about THIS? (Charges up AC) *CHOFCHOFCHOFCHOFCHOF* AH! EE! AH! OW! EEK! EECH! (sarcastic) Sorry, it slipped. (notices a gloom over top of her) (holding a giant ax) HOW DARE YOU ASSAULT MY ASUKA-CHAN! *WA-BAM!* (head is buried in the ground, muffled) Ouch. Ha! You have been smited with my Ax of True Love. (Asuka grabs his ear and pulls him down to her level) (still smoking) I don't need your help. (smiles) I know, but I know you love it. (She kicks him in the butt so he lands in his seat) And it's smitten, not smited. The smoke cleared, and all that remained were the dead bodies of the Tenchi gang, and the SSL sucking their shit, and the zombies eating their brains, SPEW! also the zombies provided many wacky and witty jokes to entertain each other. Then Mihoshi stumbled in, Mihoshi - "Ow my face hurts, it feels like it was fucked by a giant fuckstick or something." I didn't know she was smart enough to know all those naughty words. Why do you hate her so much? I just don't like stupid people. You like me, though! You do realize you just called yourself an idiot, right? I did? Oops. Okay, this time I'm NOT gonna faint! (There is a loud banging noise, but they ignore it) Then she fell on the ground and her face exploded! YEAH! And out came JackOLanterns and cheered and wished you all a happy FUCKSHIT halloween! NO WAIT! It was a clever ruse! It didn't explode into JackOLanterns, it exploded into the easter bunny! But the easter bunny was already hit by a car! So it said Merry Christmas and then it shot a leprechaun out its ass who handed out candy laced with ecstasy to all the starving children of the world! (eye twitching) Now I'll say it, this man's stupidity is painful. BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH AHAHAHAHAHAHA-(Passes out from laughing too hard) I thought he just said he wasn't going to pass out again. THE END. YAAAAAY!!! I always considered AAA-Phucknut to be an OK stupid lemon writer. (others stare at him nervously) Well, that's that. No more stories, see ya! Oh NO. You're not getting off THAT easily. WHY GOD?! WWWWWHHHHYYY?! Stop your bitching you.(stops as he looks at the doorway) (Waking up, and charging up J-Buster) Don't be abusive, now...... (leaps into Misato's arms) Carry me. (she drops him) (Shaking head) I think I hate him more than Meis. (Crying) How can you say that about me? WAAAAAH! Did anyone else hear a banging sound? It sounded like it was coming from out-(stops as she looks at the doorway, everyone except JS is now looking at the large, shadowy figure by the doorway) (rubbing butt) Ow. Hard floor. (notices others) Hey guys, what's up? (pale, frightened, hair sticking out everywhere) O-o-o-o. O? O what? Oklahoma? (singing) OK-LAHOMA! (JS stares nervously back there) (growing frightened with each syllable) O-o-o-O-O-O-O-O-O! Ooh, I get it, charades! I love charades! (finally bursting) UROTSUKIDOJI! AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH! (run through the theater door on the other side of the room) (thinking hard) Urotsukidoji? Hmmmm. (He turns around and walks by the large Overfriend beast looming over him, not noticing it) Urotsukidoji? (The Overfriend stares nervously at JS, turns to the camera and shrugs) Oh yeah! Overfriend! (The Overfriend face-faults, gets up, and begins to head out the door after JS) --------All enter Norad III's rec room-------- (walks nervously around, then she notices everyone sitting in the rec room) Hey guys, where's that large Overfriend beast. (points to another door) It's back in there with Joe. OH NO! WE GOT TO GET HIM OUT! The Overfriend or Joe? (Misato face-faults) (eye twitching) You know who I mean! Trust me, he doesn't need saving. (There is a large light and the sound of fireball) HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! DUDE THAT WAS SWEET! HERE, GIVE ME THE CAN! *CHINK!* *glug glug glug glug* (Grunting noises are heard) Give me a minute. (Some more grunting noises, then a LARGE fireball rips the door from it's hinges. Some hysterical demonic laughter is heard shortly afterward) (sweatdrop) Are they.? (everyone nods their heads, JS comes out of the room holding the Overfriend with a leash) Hey guys, look at my new friend! Isn't he cool?! (everyone backs away from them) So can I keep him Asuka? Pleaasssseee.can I keep him? (avoiding the tentacles) Over my dead body! But. NO! Aww.(takes the leash off) Sorry buddy, you're on your own. (It gives sad grunts then runs off down the hall) Give my regards to all the cute girls you meet -uh, I mean, rape! (notices everyone staring at him nervously) What? *KLONG!* So, JS, how is it that you regenerate so quickly? Meis seems to know how to also, but he won't tell me. (leans closer to him) Well, don't tell anyone, but. Yeah. (as Xelloss) That is a secret! ^_^ YOU STUPID TWAT! (Shoots JS)*SHEEN FOOM* HA! *THWACK* OW! What was that for? For your bad language! Asuka, I challenge you to a duel! o_O;;;; Do I really want to know why? Because I want to see who's the bigger pervert hater! (Appears, and starts hanging on Samus) Aw, you know you love me! *CHOF* (Punts Meis over to JS and Jamie) Get away from me, you letch! (hugs Asuka) You're not fighting Asuka! She's so delicate and frail and. *KLONG!* (to Samus, although she's glaring at JS) I really don't think it matters, but sure, why not? (Takes Terminator armor off -He wears clothes underneath, so stop thinking like that!- and dons his Power Armor, a speed, reflex, sight, hearing, and strength booster, not to mention very durable) I would also like to challenge you, Ranma! I hear you're a good martial artist! (chuckles) Actually, I'm a GREAT Martial artist, but if you really want to fight me.then I can't turn down a challenge. Really? I never knew that. (Meis falls on top of him) GET...HIM....OFFA ME! (Flings Meis over to the video game room) Go play over there and stop bothering me! Looks like Meis is blasting off ag-*SHEEN* *FOOM* (Blowing smoke away from J-Buster) And stop making those evil references. You were kidding, right? Of course! And what evil references? Pokemon is a GREAT game! IT IS THE ROOT OF ALL EVIL! Do you have ANY idea what it's like to have a younger sister who has ALL the videos, and plays them over and over again?! I have that stupid motto implanted in my brain forever now! *SHEEN* *FOOM* (sweatdrop) Alright then, the tournament will be held after we're done with the MST's. WAIT! (Everyone looks at him) I want to bring in a character of my own! And who, may I ask, is that? >Jamie> Lulu from Final Fantasy X! (Lulu appears in the shadows) Huh? Where am I? (monotone) You are in a place where time and space has no meaning. *KLONG!* Baka. You are on the MSTing Battlecruiser, Norad III. (Steps out of the shadows) So, this is a machina ship? (as Yakko, Wakko) HELLOOOOOOOOO NURSE! Oh no, not more perverts. (Zaps them with Thundaga) (Hair standing on end) OW! What'd ya do that for? I have seen too many perverts look at me that way. I've decided whenever I see that glance, I'll zap, splash, freeze, or burn them. S-splash?! (appears on screen) Get back in the.Misato? What are you doing here? (smiles) I could ask you the same question. I thought you were dead. I could ask you the same question as well. Actually.you should be dead, Asuka should be dead, Vegetta might be dead, and with all the times Asuka's beaten Joe, I'm surprised he's not dead either. I guess we're just lucky I guess. (sarcastic) Wonderful.BACK IN THE THEATER! (Everyone slumps off into the theater, Ritsuko looks to Konchin) You and Dr. Wheelo should be dead also. (shrugs) Dragon Balls maybe? (eye twitching, turns to Wily) And you? ^__^; Well, Megaman has never actually KILLED me yet, although there was that one time where he actually TRIED. And here I thought robots weren't supposed to hurt humans! (Ritsuko growls) *********** (JS: That's MY scene change!) What's next on the show today? (voice) A sweet, little fic called, "Love in the Furriyest of Places." Is that how the author spelled the title? Geez, I'm gonna have a field day on this one! OH NO! NOT THIS FIC! What?! What's the matter?! This fic was my first attempt at an MST! But I was bad back then, so I erased it, but now it has come back to haunt me! Ah, yes. First attempts can be painful. What's it about? (tears streaming) Just see. Okay, Soun. From: "Rabbit" To: fanfic@fanfic.com Date sent: Mon, 15 Dec 1997 22:40:38 +0000 This is five years old? Yeah, and it looks like it's rotted even more since then. Like the pustulent boils on a Nurgle Plaguebearer. Trust me, it's a LOT more disgusting than anything you'll ever see in your entire lifetime. o_O;;; Subject: Re: A Lemoney challange [TM][Lemon] Finding love in the Furriest Priority: Make us sick. Is it really that bad? If it can disgust Joe, it must be bad. normal Forwarded by: fanfic@fanfic.com Well here we go, The first and most likely the only lemon I will write. Standard disclaimer about who owns what and not sueing me because I have no money whatsoever to give you. Run-on-otopia. Ha! Beat you! Grrrr, I'M THE NITPICKER ON _THIS_ SHIP, OKAY?! You can pick your nits all you want, I just wanted to get you mad. ^_^ RAAAAAGH! *SHEEN* *FOOM* Don't blame me blame P-R-P chan for sugesting it. Okay, we'll blame him, and kill you. (Ranma sniffs the air) I wonder what P-R-P stands for? Could it stand for Psychologically-Retarded-Pervert? ****************************************************** Finding Love in the furryiest of places A Tenchi Muyo fic Staring Tenchi and Ryo-oki .... Lord, give me strength. Spare the cabbits! And he misspelled starring! I like Ryo-Ohki and all, but not in THAT way. Tenchi was out in the fields harvesting carrots. AND, it begins where one of the worst lemons took place in. Hmmmm, I might just have the crew of Norad III do that one. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! What are you talking about? It's a bad fic with Tenchi, cabbits, little girls, and carrots. Carrots? Yeah, carrots. (gets it; Turning green) Well, I never thought of carrots like THAT before. Not that they didn't need anymore, the store shed had plenty, but Ryoko and Ayeka were arguing again. This was causing him a splitting headache that just would not go away. A head like that would ache. Shut up. Yeah Vegita. I've always wondered why all you big-haired anime characters don't get neck pains or have their head at an angle because of the weight. Probably because we are actually STRONG enough to hold our head up, unlike a certain ogre. WHY, YOU! I'LL HAVE YOU KNOW, I HAVE THE STRENGTH OF FIFTY MEN! Yeah, well I have the strength of about ten billion men. (Meekly) Oh. I smell.hamdingers. He was just dumping his small carry basket into the larger one on the cart when he noticed Ryo-oki in her humanoid form walking out towards him along the path. That hurts. Could you stop foreshadowing? It's painful enough as it is to read a lemon, we don't need to hear you moan and groan about it beforehand. *THWACK* HEY! Why'd you do that, Washu? U__U* Stop picking on Joe! Thank you Little Washu! ^_^ And you, why do you have smaller mouths than we do? (thinks about it, then shrugs) Maybe we don't flap our gums as much as you do. WHY YOU LITTLE! DIIIIEEEE! (Does the Anima thing again) Ah, that was refreshing! AAAARGH! Usually Ryo-oki was playing with Sasami, but the little tyke was nowhere to be seen. Because Sasami knows what happens. "At The Carrot Patch!" (Dramatic music plays in the back) Hmmm, I didn't know this theater had a piano in it, too. Oh yes, that's my player piano. But don't try to blow it up, because you'll never find it. Ryo-oki walked up to Tenchi and gave a Maiow in greetings. "Maiow?" What, is Mai Shirunai in pain? Isn't that a city in Belgium? She had started off in a sunny disposition when she had come out to visit Tenchi and maybe see if she could wheedle a few carrots out of him. (as Tenchi/Pokemon trainer) My Weedle's evolving! *BLAM* What did I tell you about that? Geez, give the guy a break. (gropes her) Oh you're too kind! I'll handle this. *KLONG!* Oh, but I insist. BLIZZAGA! *KRASH* (JS turns into a popsicle) C-cold! Her expression changed from happiness to worry as she saw Tenchi's current mood. (as scared Ryo-Ohki) He's got carrots in his hands, and a hard-on in his pants. (Before Ryoko can blast him, Ranma raises his hand to stop them as he sniffs the air again, he goes over to JS and asks him for something) Yeah I have one, what for? Trust me. I'm not sure I want to know what you're doing. Tenchi saw how his mood was affecting her and groaned. (Ranma grabs the thing from JS, then he throws it at Samus' feet. It misses her leg, but she jumps up and screams as something shoots through her chair, and Ranma grabs P-chan) (pulling fork from P-chan's butt) What are you doing here?! *SQQUUUUUEEE!* Hey, put that pig down! (reaching into his pocket) This ain't a pig. (dumps the thermos of hot water on the pig, Ryoga falls on his butt) Wow, a pig that turns into a man! Ow! Did you have to hold me so high?! O_O;;;;;; Um.Ryoga.Don't your clothes usually change back with you? Yeah, why? (JS points to Ryoga's naked body, he shrieks and runs offscreen, Asuka watches him run away) (curiously) What are you looking at? (innocently) Nothing, nothing at all. ^_^ (gets right in her face, then begins to cry) Alright, I'll do it but my eyes must never meet his. *KLONG KLONG KLONG!* *WA-BAM!* (Ryoga and Asuka stand over JS with fire in their eyes) I would never be in a threesome, ESPECIALLY WITH YOU AND 'THE LOST CHILD' HERE! What do you mean 'Lost Child?!' (sits down) Don't mind me, I'm just the hot-headed Eva pilot with a short fuse. (Ryoga's eye twitches, then he looks over to Ranma) I thought I smelled pork chops. Well frankly, I smell fish every time you're around.(Ranma punches him in the face) (Washu raises her hands between tho two martial artists) Now, now, you two. Just because you hate each other, doesn't mean that you can't get along. And if you don't stop fighting for no apparent reason, I'll turn you into something truly horrible: Cologne! (Ryoga jumps in Ranma's arms, both with looks of fright) (getting down) Fine, fine. This better not be a Ranma lemon. (twitching) I knew it was a matter of time before he brought someone from Ksa's group.I knew it was a matter of TIME! Misato, you wouldn't mind taking care of me after Asuka gets through with me? (staring nervously at Asuka) I'll think about it. (Moving chair away from JS) I think this is gonna get messy. (To Ranma) And what's the big idea putting a pig under my seat? Well Ryoga's sense of direction is proportionate to that of Tank Cop's intelligence, divided by the quality of Alienboy52's fics, subtracted by the overall plot of 10-Chi Clan. (punches him) I GET THE POINT! Oh. It was bad enough that he was gloomy, now he had brought someone else down in the dumps with him. (singing) Working in a coal mine! Goin' down down down. Working in a coal mine, WOOP! I'm gonna slip down! Working. In a coal mine! Goin'. Down down down! (Singing) Feelings.....(Notices everyone glaring at him) ^__^; Oops, sorry. Ruined the mood, right? Taking Ryo-oki's hand Tenchi said (as Tenchi) Will you marry me? Absolutely frickin' not! "I'm sorry. It's just that I'm getting so tired of those two fighting. Screw being tired, he should be grateful he's not dead! It just wears on my nerves after a while. I didn't mean to make you sad." Tenchi looked into her eyes and added "At least you don't look at me as a prize to be won. Tenchi's more of the constellation prize. It's something you don't want, but at least you get SOMETHING! *BLAM!* Besides, that's the conSOLATION prize. I wish those two could be more like you, loving uncondisionally without jellacy or anger." Tenchi's turning into Liberace! (as Tenchi/Liberace) I wish my brother _George_ was here. Actually, it would be his brother, GENE! Oh yes, one of the many wonderful disgraces to SI's everywhere. I'll have to agree with you on that one. And this guy seems to think that words are spelled the way they sound. Tenchi let go of Ryo-oki's hand and gave another sigh, "but I guess thats just a pipe dream, Something like a wet-dream. \__/*** (Notices Samus glaring angrily at him) Uh-oh. *CHOFCHOFCHOFCHOFCHOF* Hmph. Hentai. Theres no-one like that, at least not for me." Ryo-oki's heart almost broke when she heard him say that. She had loved him like all the others but till now she had thought she didn't stand a chance. Eh? Uh-oh. I do not like where this is heading. After all she had been constructed to look like some strange cross between a rabbit and a cat. But with her reccent fusion with the masses she now had at least a humanoid body she could morph into. Okay, but what's reccent? Evil mutant of a Recent! She had still felt she had no chance, You already said that! mostly because she thought Tenchi still thought of her as a cabbit and her inability to express herself. Suddenly she had an idea that would hopefully cheer up Tenchi and allow her to express her feelings towards him. (as Ryo-Ohki/Austin Powers) C'mon baby, let's hop on the good foot and do the bad thing. Tenchi watched as Ryo-oki grabbed his hand and pulled him towards the lake. Puzzled he allowed himself to be led. Well, lemon scene over, let's go! Sit down! You don't even know where we are. Does he ever? When they got to the lake he watched as Ryo-oki leaped into the air and morphed into her spaceship mode. 'I'll don't think I'll ever get use to seeing that.' Just to show you what a genius he is, he's using lines from the manga. Hmm.I never thought of that. Of course, cause you're not. THE GREATEST SCIENTIFIC GENIUS IN THE UNIVERSE! That was fun! It was actually quite stimulating. he thought to himself. He then felt himself being pulled up by the tansit beam. (as The Count) That is five.five spelling errors. Ha ha ha. Vla! Tenchi wondered what the cabbit had planned. Ryo-oki made sure Tenchi was safely on board then set a course for the outer atmosphere. Morphing a control crystal back into her girl likeness, she went over to him. Tenchi Saw Ryo-oki-chan move over to him. Who's Tenchi Saw? Least it's not Tenchi Hammer. (singing) Hammer time! (hits him in the head) MC Hammer is dead. Get over it. Bad singer's don't die! They just.fade away. Rap is EVIL! *WHAM* Jamie, honey, EVERYTHING is evil to you. You called me honey! (Cuddles up to Washu) (Slaps her forehead) I can't believe I said that again. (staring REAL nervously) You have a thing for.her? She calls me honey! Ugh...... (looks to Asuka, then Misato, then takes one under each arm and hugs them) Group hug! (Misato smiles and laughs, Asuka's eye just twitches) He was confused for a minute then remembered that when she was in ship mode she could control the shape of her interal computer units, but he had never seen her take on her humanoid shape while in this mode before. "Whats going on?" he asked, not really expecting an answer. (Snuggled up to Washu) Wow, he misspelled internal. Tenchi, the softie. Like you're one to talk. He was suprised when the screen lit up and text scrolled across it. It read [ I am taking you on a little trip. (as Tom Servo flying through space) WOOOOOOAAAAAHHHHHHHH! (Stoner) AGH! BAD TRIP! BAD TRIP! KAMEHAMEHA! (fries Meis with ki) That's the second time he's ruined something. (Charred, coughs out smoke) Well, that was excruciatingly painful. Is this the real Meis? He's using big words! It can't be the real one! Oh, har har. You were sad and I wanted to make you happy. I also wanted a chance to tell you how I felt about you.] Tenchi could almost swear the screen was blushing, and Ryo-oki-chan was most definately blushing. More hyphens then we need. Not to mention the constant misspelling of her name. And the misspelling of definitely, too. Tenchi saw that the text had once again begun to display itself. [ I have loved you for a long time now. I thought I would never be able to tell you or show you, because of what I was. (as Ryo-Ohki) I'm part Overfriend. *BLEEEEAAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!* What?! What's the matter?! Brief inview, Washu made Ryo-Ohki out of Mass and an UNKNOWN SUBSTANCE! IS IT THAT FAR OUT OF THE WAY FOR A LEMON WRITER TO ACTUALLY MAKE HER PART OVERFRIEND?! Hmm.and why didn't you throw up, Jamie? I have developed an immunity to all things related to Pokemon. That's why. Well, except for my attitude. (sweatdrop) Um.Overfriend isn't a Pokemon dude. Although it would make an interesting crossover. But it IS! If you read Ksa's MSTs, he has a Pokemon named Overfriend! (rubbing temples) Number one, it was Peter who caught it, NOT Ksa. Number two, just because you catch something with a Pokeball doesn't necessarily mean it's a Pokemon. I've caught plenty of non-Pokemon items. (pulls out a Pokeball and opens it up, the red beam forms into Luchs from Saber Marionette J) Where am I? (He puts her back in the Pokeball) (putting ball into pocket) They don't call them Saber Dolls for nothing. *KLONG!* ^__^; Okay, okay, my mistake. Crap, now that I know it's not a pokemon, I'm not immune anymore! But today seeing you so sad I couldn't take it anymore. I just had to do something. I'll understand if you can't return my affection, after all, I look like this....] Ryo-oki-chan gestured at herself Shake it girlfriend! (others stare at her nervously) What? WOO! YEAH! (To Meis) Yeah, watch that spaceship strut it's stuff. And Jamie, get off me. Aw, do I have to? ^__^ Of course! Before I have to HURT YOU! \__/********** (Runs away) EEK! You definitely don't want to face Washu's wrath. [ but I am now happy that I have been able to tell you.] Tenchi noticed Ryo-oki-chan had a tear rolling down her cheek, and his heart just melted. (as Tenchi) That's what I get for standing too close to the furnace! Tenchi s'mores, anyone? 'This is what pure love is supposed to be...uncondisional and straight from the heart. (queer accent) Oh you SO, need a make-over! (hits him in head) People are getting tired of your gay bashing! I'M NOT BASHING ANYBODY DAMMIT! IT'S COMEDY, NOT BASHING! Well, using stereotypes is called bashing. Meis, you know what I said. FIRAGA! (Meis is engulfed in flames) YAAAAAAAAAAGH!!! I'M SORRY I LOOKED AT YOU! PUT ME OUT! Fine, but only since you apologized. WATERGA! (Meis is washed out the door by a torrent of water, some water splashes on Ryoga) *SQQQQQQQQUUUUUUUUEEEEEEEE!* HELP MEEEEEEeeeeee!!!........ Well, that takes care of ONE pervert. (JS fidgets nervously) (stops shaking, looks at camera) Aw what the hell. (gets down on his knees and begins bowing; as Wayne and Garth) WE ARE NOT WORTHY! WE ARE NOT WORTHY! WE ARE NOT WORTHY! Ugh. You know what happens next, right? HOLY! --CRAP! No, the spell, HOLY! (JS is engulfed in a bright light, then shot repeatedly by lances of energy) Oh, that smarts! No asking for anything , just giving freely.' he thought in awe. Walking over to Ryo-oki-chan he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close. The next thing Tenchi knew he had switched from hugging her to kissing her. Oh God NO! (Coming back in) AUGH! BESTIALITY! My one regenerative weakness! (Notices everyone glaring at him) Oops, did I say that out loud? Silly me, heh, heh. AW CRAP! (Runs away, with everyone hot on his heels) Ryo-oki-chan's eyes went wide then closed in dreamy bliss as Tenchi's kiss suffused her with a warm glow. (Everyone returns to their seats, Meis is horribly mutilated) How often she had dreamed of this. The rest of the ship responded in it's own way. Oh that's just wrong! Ship's can't do that! It responded by unconsciously turning back into a cabbit, crushing Tenchi inside herself. (Deflects Ryoko's energy blast) Do you think I'd be stupid enough to fall for that one? *SHEEN* *FOOM* OUCH. Well, maybe you should try deflecting it onto a non-reflective surface. (Ryoga's out like a light, blood trickling down his nose) Ryoga's out guys. The lighting inside grew dim and the gravity reduced itself. Sex at Zero G's. (glances at Asuka) Hmm... (Aiming her Arm Cannon at JS) Touch her and die. Actually it's not all it's cracked up to be. (Others stare at her REAL nervously except for Asuka and JS who just freeze in a completely shocked stance) The inner hull became transparent, letting the glory of the stars and planets shine through. She felt Tenchi's manhood start rising through his pants, poking her crotch area, as if to get her attention. Great, it has a mind of it's own. (as Tenchi's penis) Yeah, um.I'd rather NOT be doing this. Tenchi started to blush profusely as he felt his baser instincts rise to the fore. That made as much sense as to WHY, he's fucking Ryo-Ohki! (A blue light starts to engulf Vegetta, then he lifts up his arm and the glow disappears, Washu gets a sweatdrop) FINAL FLASH! Oh shoot. You do that inside the ship, Vegita, and we're all dead. So I wouldn't suggest. *FA-SHOOOOOOOM!!!!* (The ki blast has melted the walls a little, but nothing bad, except for Washu) (the only one besides Vegetta not in shock) Vegetta has a way of controlling the power of his ki blasts. I mean, he DOES work for Weber-san. (Blackened, give a collective hack of smoke) Breaking off the kiss Tenchi started to speak an appology when Ryo-oki- chan placed a finger on his lips effectively silencing him. Heh, heh, heh. I'll get this one before Joe does! H MISSPELLED APOLOGY! IT'S A RUN-ON! AND HE MISSPELLED RYO-OHKI AGAIN! Zzzz. GRRRRR!!! The screen once again lit up, [Thats ok, there is nothing to say sorry for. I fills me with joy that I can get your attention this way. I have always been scared that you would be put off since I don't look quite as human as the others do.] It doesn't look like he's getting put off. _Coming_ off however. *KLONG!* *CHOF* Hey! He's MINE to beat up on! (Putting a full energy cell into her Arm Cannon) Well, I can't STAND perverts. Once again Tenchi saw a tear roll down her face. "I don't care what you look like, it's whats in your heart that counts to me." Tenchi said, his voice heavy with emotion," If I cared for looks I would have been with Ryoko or Ayeka long ago. Or Mihoshi or Kiyone. Nah, I never thought Kiyone ever had any interest in him. Or me! And besides, why would he choose Ayeka if it came to looks? She's flat as a board, she's too uptight, she's*KRRZZZAAAAAP* (Singed) Way to go, genius. You should know never to talk about the size of Ayeka's breasts, unless of course they're from Tenchi Forever. Where _did_ all that skin and extra stuff go to? (rubs her knees) I think behind her knees. *KKKKKKKKRRRRRRRRZZZZZZZZAAAAAAAAACCCCCCCCCKKKKKK!* HA! My Crux Terminatus guards me against projectile attacks! So her lightning is USELESS against me! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA*THWACK* (Tossing hammer away) U__U* Stop boasting already! They say that they love me but all I feel from them is that I am some sort of prize to be won. It's not the same with you, all I feel from you is love, nothing less." [ I love you so much,..] the screen responded, [please let me show you how much....] And it just trails off there. This is not good. Whe-where am I? (to Ranma) Let me handle this. You are on a plate of sashimi. Aw, DAMMIT! I knew I should have turned left! (with a sweatdrop) Oh yeah, you really handled it there. (Turning green, charging up X-Buster) You will DIE for making a reference to that accursed fic! (throws a small tablet into his mouth) Take a chill pill. Well, don't mention it again! My stomach can't even handle the name of it! But you're a robot. I AM _NOT_ A ROBOT! Besides, Wily gave me a stomach so I could suffer with the rest of the group. (has her hands over her face) I have eyes in my eye sockets. I have eyes in my eye sockets. (stares at her nervously) What do you mean? (still chanting) I have eyes in my eye sockets. I have eyes in my eye sockets. (Misato gets a sweatdrop) Before Tenchi could say or do anything, Ryo-oki-chan had drifted downward and felt his pants dropped freeing his engorged penis. Then Ryo-Ohki prominently fell over laughing, the end. *BLAM!* And then it exploded, sending Tenchi to the hospital, never to be a full man again. The end. *BLAMBLAMBLAMBLAMBLAM* Ryo-oki-chan gazed at the marvel that was Tenchi's manhood for a moment, (sarcastic) Yeah right! PFFT! You can all go to hell. then she wrapped he lips around the head and gently began to suck. She let it slide all the way down her throat and then back out, using her tounge to stroke the underside as it did so. Let's see, I'll take "Misspelling Parts of the Mouth" for five hundred. Tenchi's eyes rolled into the back of his head as wave after wave of pleasure flooded over him. (as Tenchi) Tsunami?! An idea came upon him just as another wave of exstacy washed over him. You guys can have this one. ^__^ Why thank you, Asuka! I think this guy is a pill popper, because he thinks the pleasure kind of ecstasy is spelled like the drug. No, let me correct myself, this guy IS a pill popper, because he's making a Tenchi/Ryo-Ohki fic. Brava. Brava. Since they were floating in near zero gravity, it was an easy matter to momentarily extract himself from Ryo-chan's exquisite lips and flip her upside down so he could get to her now moist womanhood. SHE'S IN HER LITTLE GIRL FORM FOR CRYIN' OUT LOUD! I'm just glad they don't write stuff like this for my show! Um.Misato.(she looks at him, he looks at Asuka) Never mind. (whispering to him) Haven't told Asuka about "Fool's Play" yet, have you? (buries head in hands) No. What are you guys whispering about? (whispers to Meis) Asuka and Misato are psst psst psst with a psst psst psst. (eyes go wide with excitement) NO WAY! Sliding the tip of his tounge through the crack and and ending with a flick on her erect clitorus Tenchi felt Ryo-oki-chan shudder. He then felt her lips return around his penis. Ryo-oki-chan was floating on a cloud of sheer pleasure as Tenchi's tounge worked it's magic on her nether regions. Abra-Cadabra! Alacazam! Hocus Pocus! Newport New! Shas Por Fio Kor Aun Mont'ka! Potaongaleko! Walla Walla, Washington! Who do? Voodoo! Signazarius Arcanum! Deus Ex Machina! Um....I know! Um, hold on a second.....*WHAM* OW! Stop hitting me, Samus! Well, you completely ruined the entire chain we had going! And Jamie, what'd that bunch of gibberish that you said mean? Loosly translated, it means Quin-Elemental Killing Blow. But I think it just sounds cool. She finally could take it no more. She just had to feel him inside of her. She diengaged Whatever the hell that means. herself from him most reluctantly. She saw that he was going to say something but stopped as realization hit him what she wanted to do. Playing "Hide The Salami?" (giggles) Quatre's still mad over that. Huh? (still giggling) Look at Psychomatic Poet's first MST. (Snaps his fingers) Oh, NOW I remember! Guiding herself so her opening was positioned above his awaiting shaft, she slowly impaled herself, shuddering from sheer pleasure as he filled her. Man that Tenchi is one bad mother. Shut yo' mouth! I was only talking about Tenchi. Well I can dig it! Tenchi felt himself sliding in and out of Ryo-oki-chan. Her tightness pulling him higher and higher into nirvana. (holding mallet) No Nirvana songs anybody! Aw shucks! He could feel himself getting closer and closer to orgasam and could tell that she was as well. I wonder who this Orga Sam person is. (others stare at him nervously) ************************************************************** Authors notes. Well there ya go, I hope your'e happy now. Not really, although I did control myself from not puking my guts out. Wait a second, he only made half-a-fic? Geez, he must be pretty lazy. Well time to give thanx to those who it is due. (Author) Let's see....Satan, Judas Priest, Barbara Streisand....... (ditto) Pauly Shore, Britany Spears, the Olsen Twins. (ditto) That's about everybody! First on my list is Happosai for showing that a lemon don't have to be all mindless sex and no plot Good point, although.Ryo-Ohki wasn't a good particular choice for a lemon. You said it. (BTW....HURRY UP WITH THE NEXT PART OF YOUR TENCHI FIC!!!!) Next is P- R-P chan who came up with this crazy combo in the first place. Finally I give thanx (Slapping forehead) Argh, this guy's about as smart as a head of cabbage. (as Ed) I am dead from the neck up! to all of you on the mailing list who actully take time to read this and comment on it, good bad or indifferant. Geez, he just gave me a reason to make an extra comment. Hopefully I will get an MST or R&R Or M&M. Twix. Skittles. (with emotion) MILK DUDS! *KLONG!* Domm kopf! out of this (hint hint to the respective creative geniuses) Thank you! Not you two nimrods. Well till next time, Seasons best to everyone. Rabbit Power corrupts. This guy has power? Only when he decides to stick his fingers into an electrical socket. (Everyone else chuckles) Absolute power corrupts absolutely. Petty power corrupts all out of proportion to actual power. That was pointless. Two down, one to go! Good, now I can go home. Do you know where you are Ryoga? Not really. (pats him on back) That's what I want to hear. I need a beer. Well, you're in luck. We have a fully-stocked bar with all the fixins, and a great bartender! --------All enter Norad III's rec room-------- (Asuka, Jamie, Samus, and Meis are sitting around the rec room, no one else is to be found. Asuka is reading a book, Jamie is playing a video game, Samus is tying Meis to a chair with a gag over his mouth and her cannon to his head.) (off-screen) Hmm-mm, oh yeah. (Others ignore this) (Looks up from his game) So, Samus, how many Metroids have you defeated? Well, about-- Just a little harder.ooo, right there. (Asuka looks up from her book, but continues to read) Really! And I thought there weren't more than a hundred of them in the galaxy! Oh yes, you bet your-- Oh yes! Ahhhh. (The others are in full attention now) Harder! Harder! MMmm.. (They look at each other, and rush down the hall) Oh that feels good! I'm pretty good huh? (This seems to awaken Asuka as she runs faster than the others and comes in full view of another room. The others catch up to her, whose jaw is on the floor. In the room, JS is rubbing Misato's shoulders as she moves in rhythm to his hands) Hmm-mm.oh hey guys! (Asuka's muscle's tense up as her fingers begin to twitch) Oh boy. Asuka, you have to try this. He gives the world's BEST back rubs! (smiles at Asuka) I told you I'm good with my hands. (Asuka starts to twitch more violently, then she screams and charges into the room. The entire spaceship begins to shake violently as crash noises are heard, and random German words are being thrown out which clash with the screams of pain. Then all fall's silent, and Asuka storms out of the room and down to the theater) Geez, and all he was doing was giving her a back rub. But ya gotta admit, it did sound like-*THWACK* Stop being perverted, Meis. You're pissin' me off! (Whining) But I ALWAYS piss you off. Yeah, well, you're startin' to get me even madder. (Notices Misato walking out, unscathed) Now that's interesting. (coming out unharmed) It's simple. She's in love with him, but is too wrapped up in her emotions to actually admit (not to mention he is kind of a pervert) to tell him, or anyone else for that matter. It's only a matter of time before he breaks her, and she spills her guts out. She is very sensitive for a bitch. (A brick almost hits her in the head) (more German) IDIOT! (glares at her, then smiles) Of course, if she doesn't hurry up, I might have to take him from her! (the others are staring at her REAL nervously) WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU WAITING FOR?! GET IN THERE BEFORE WE BLOW THE SHIP UP! PLEASE! End our misery now! (in room) Um guys.could someone help me? I can't seem to get my leg unwrapped from around my waist? And I got this bad cut, which is actually starting to smell like oranges now. (notices Lulu) Hey, Miss?! Sorry about the hentai comments, could you get me out? Like, NOW! Hmmm, okay. But stop staring at me, or I'll have to poison you. ESUNA! (JS's body magically heals and untangles itself) Ah, much better! (Walking in) So, what's up next to MST? A sick fic, one that I can't even begin to describe. Probably because I haven't seen it yet. But I hear it's pretty bad. ^__^; So, what's it called? "Kagato's Little Secret". (Everyone rushes in) WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY?! (Breaking down) Oh no......my worst fears are being realized. It's the end of the world as we know it! (Grimaces, charging up J- Buster) And if any of you start singing that song, you'll eat plasma! And I want the full group on this one. This means that Zero, you're going in there too. (Walks in) Aw, not again! (sarcastic) Nice hair, how many horses have you choked with it? I'll have you know, the girl-bots go wild when they see my hair! Believe me, I know. I always seem to be the attention of all fangirls DESPITE the fact I'm married. Now get in there! ************ I DO NOT own Tenchi Muyo or anything else, they belong to AIC and Pioneer. None of the characters, even the SI's are mine. But who cares. MWAHHAA!! MWAHHAA? What kind of evil cackle is that? It's more like, MWAHAHAHA! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! (Everyone else stares at him nervously) Or you could go for the full-out Jinnai/Naga cackle. (goes to laugh, but the rest of his crew stops him) Kagato's Little Secret by Kagato's testacle Oh my God. I have this sudden urge to hurl. I'm not sure I'm gonna like this. THIS IS AN AFFRONT TO THE HUMAN RACE! And whatever happened to the other one? I'd like to chop it off. If it didn't already. GREAT ROMAN TRAGEDIES! (Invictus stands up, with his legs spread as wide as they can) TESTACLEES! *KLONG* *CHOF* Imagine the worst stories you've ever read. (Turns green) No, I think I'll pass on that. Imagine the worst authors you've ever heard of in your life. Let's see, Alienboy52, AAA-Phucknut, YOU, Tank Cop, Mike Forever....... Imagine what would happen if they banded together. Oh dear Emperor, no. That would be.Alien Kagato's Forever Tank Nut (others stare at him nervously) What? Ah-ah-ahhh, you're forgetting someone. Who? You'll see. You will find out here the worst that could possibly happen. And one other thing.....SAKUYA SUCKS!!!!!!!!!!!! Well, at least he's got something right. DIE SAKUYA! (pulls out a bazooka and aims it at the screen, but Asuka kicks it so the missile flies into the air) MWAHAHAHAHHHHHHHHHHHhAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! He seemed to be laughing in slow motion for a second there. In a small room, around a large red table, sat the most famous authors of Tenchi Fics. Peter Suzuki, KsaWarrior, Joe....... Oh you're too kind. I don't think he meant famous in a good sort of way. The first one was the ever pious AAA-Phucknut, PFFT! RIIIIIIIIGHT! who was at the moment jacking off to the latest edition of Tenchi in Tokyo, where Tenchi has a graphic sex scene with Amagaski. (Turn bright green) I don't remember that ever happening. (A loud whistling is heard, everyone looks up to see the missile heading right for them. It lands on Samus while the explosion engulfs everything. When the smoke clears, the only one standing is Samus, badly charred.) Remind me never to let Joe bring projectile weapons into the theater. (Samus gets up, pissed off, and walks over to JS who is struggling to get up, she punches him in the head, hard) THAT IS NO WAY TO TREAT A LADY, YOU JERK! To his left was a small redhaired lady, she appeared to be an almost identical copy of Washu, that was except for the mucus dripping tentacles in her hair. And THERE'S the one you forgot about! Who? "Washutentacles". My evil, EVIL, sadistic twin. Next we had a normal looking boy, his eyes appeared to be vacant and his stare was insidious. It's Tank Cop. On his shirt was the picture of a policeman inside a tank, Yup. As soon a I saw "vacant stare" I knew it was him. below the picture were the words, Tankcop. After him was a freaky young man who appeared to be an alien, on his shirt was the number Fifty two. It's HIM! Good thing it's not sixty nine. *KLONG!* There were many others after that but those were the ones that were currently talking at the moment. "It's pure genius!" Phucknut yelled out as he stroked his pale green salami. Great, now he's gangrene. "MGPNobuyuki hasn't had a real gig since that part where he killed himself after ripping off his dick!" "Ripping off" isn't the same as "blowing up." Well, if you stabbed yourself in the head and died, you probably wouldn't be alive to get a gig, now would you? "But" Washutentacles slithered out a she observed the authors. "I haven't finished my story, Kagato Revenge must be finished. Wow, she even misspelled her own fic's name. Pleeeeease no tentacles in this fic.pleassssseee! I have something even worse in store for Sasami! OH NO! (Look at Jamie, who is as we speak changing) AHA! I AM BACK! THIS WASHUTENTACLES WILL DIEEEE! Is that all you think about, killing? WELL, WHAT DO YOU EXPECT WHEN YOU HAVE A BODY LIKE THIS?! (points to himself) Look at Vegetta, he's a hundred times as strong as you, and he still takes time to have kids. (blushing) I didn't say I was very proud of it. HOW DO YOU KNOW HOW STRONG I AM?! ANYWAYS, I WILL HANG AROUND A BIT LONGER, BUT AFTERWARDS, I WILL HUNT DOWN THIS TERRIBLE AUTHOR! I ENCOURAGE YOU TO JOIN ME! HAHAHAHAAH!!!" She cackled madly and two tentacles slithered onto her shoulders and wiggled around. Ewwww. I never did like tentacles. (Teasing) Aw, what did my widdle tentacle monstew do to Meis, hmmm? (Turning red) THAT'S NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS! How did you survive a run-in with ANYTHING that has tentacles?! The creature probably ran away from him. (The others snicker, Meis starts getting mad) "Tankcop, what about you?" Alienboy52 asked as he turned towards the deranged youth. "You've been silent since this meeting started." Tankcop turned towards him and grinned maniacly. WELL, HE IS A MANIAC IF HE WRITES SASAMI LEMONS! (singing) I'm a man-i-ac! Man-i-ac, at heart! "I believe I have the answer." All of the other members leaned towards him. "I was thinking about this while my fics were being mst'ed by Ksawarrior and his loser crew WHAAAT?! HE WILL DIE FOR HIS INSOLENCE! I WILL CRUSH HIS SKULL! (Smacks her forehead) Well, I guess there's still a bit of Jamie left in him. The only ones that aren't losers are Rei and Xellos. (from back of theater) KAMEHAMEHA! (ditto) OOKAMI RECCA.! (panicky) AND OF COURSE SCIMITAR, KSA, LIME, AND RYOGA! (Nothing happens, JS takes a sigh of relief, then a large mace smacks him in the back of the head) (JS's note: Actually, Ksa's crew is one of the best, I just wanted Filia to kick the crap out of Joe. Sorry Ksawarrior. ^_^;;;;) ..except for Rei of course. As if that makes it all better. (from back of theater) Do you have a problem with that? (Others get a sweatdrop) Our fics are deadly but they aren't nearly strong enough, what we need to do is join forces. OH NO! WELL, AT LEAST I CAN WITHSTAND THE EVILNESS OF THE FIC. Good luck. We take all of our ideas and create the most horrid event ever, the most disgusting fic by far." A grunt is heard from Phucknut. "Yes?" DON'T TURN AROUND! DON'T TURN AROUND! He asks as he turns towards him, just in time to take a full on load of jizz onto his face. (Throw up) HA! WEAK MORTALS! The white milky liquid lingured on his face and his began licking at it, (Turns green, but is unnoticable because of his onyx skin) Now that's just gross! But in-character. savoring the wonderful taste and incredible aroma. Ugh. I think I'm going to have to torture this person for a long, LONG time. Now who's turning evil? (Gets one of her evil grins going) Heh heh heh. "Mmmm, what did you have..cantalope?" Phucknut just smiles. How can you tell what they've eaten by smelling their semen? Chicken teriyaki with.some oregano! *KLONG!* "Alright then..it's agreed." Alienboy52 spoke as he began to lick Tankcop's face. (Throws up) Everyone began to move in on Phucknut and began to lick his face profusely. --------------------D *splurt* (Throws up harder) AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! (quickly takes Asuka into his arms) Easy Asuka. It's not Mashymer.it's not Mashymer. (Asuka's trembling slows down) And what, dare I ask, is Mashymer? The 10 o'clock Asssassin's new name. Well, at least we're scaring them to the point where they have to change their names. Sammy walked down the stairs to her school in a hurry, she needed to be home or her mom would be mad and beat her. Wow, I never thought of her mom like that. (as Sammy's mom) IS THIS A 'B' YOU GOT ON YOUR REPORT CARD?! *SLAP!* Considering where this is going, it would be more of.*KER-SNAP!* *KLONG!* *CHOFCHOFCHOF!* PUT THAT WHIP AWAY! As she walked she noticed that her friend misao Whom he forgot to capitalize. HEY! THAT'S _MY_ GIG! was crying softly, her cute unformed breasts her poking out of her shirt in an inviting fashion. .... I think I'll have my memory files erased after this. Actually her breasts are more like, "Come back in ten years." *KLONG!* Sammy felt her virgin pussy tighin and contract, These horrid fic authors always make her super-sensitive. And what the hell does "tighin" mean? (JS goes to say something, but Asuka stops him) this was getting her very hot. She skipped over to the crying girl and put her arms around her. Misao looked up with tearful eyes and began to mumble. (Misao) I want to die, so that I can be out of this terrible mockery of a fic! Don't we all. "I tried to be good.." Misao cried out in saddness. "He said that I was great last time, but I wasn't good this time." Okay, I wasn't expecting that. With freaks of nature like these authors, you have to expect the unexpected. "Who?" Sammy asked with great concern in her eyes. "Extreme, NOOOOOO! MY ONE WEAKNESS! HIS SPELLING IS SO BAD, IT DAMAGES MY BRAIN! BESIDES, HE MISSPELLED THE NAME! The worst possible SI of all times! He's worse than Zero! Hey! Not you, Zero Cool. he says that I wasn't as good this time." She shook her head and looked towards the floor. She then thought of something and grinned at her friend. "I know, how about you come with me and help me out!" And here we go with the pedophilia. "I don't know, I mean I don't want to cheat on Cycracks O__o Who the hell is "Cycracks"? (power level rising) It's one thing to write pedophilia, and another when you insult brilliant authors, WHEN YOU DO BOTH IN THE SAME FIC, THAT TAKES THE CAKE! WHO IS CYCRACKS?! He's an SI character from K'thardin's stories, AND IT'S SPELLED CYRAQS, NOT CYCRACKS! ..but oh well, He hasn't been satisfying my underaged pussy lately anyway, I AM TEMPTED TO KILL SOMETHING RIGHT NOW! (Looks at JS, and smiles evilly) HMMMM.....YOU SEEM TO REGENERATE QUICKLY, SO I THINK I'LL TAKE MY ANGER OUT ON YOU! (Grabs JS and starts mauling him) I've had to resort to Tsunami for the last few days. (Belarius finishes with JS) Not bad, but I could have done better. And she can sure be a bitch sometimes. Sammy lick my cunt, sammy use your whips, Sammy ram it up my ass!" Great, now Sasami's a hermaphrodite. WILL YOU STOP PUTTING THESE IMAGES IN OUR HEADS?! She raised her hands up in indignation. "Hell she even brought out one of her branches and told me to suck it! Ewwwww. I wonder what that would be called, plant-sex. Disgusting!" Sammy thought about this situation and continued. "But if he says "Extreme transformation" or anything like that. I'm kicking his ass." THE ONE THING I'LL AGREE ON! You'll have to beat me to it. --------------------D *splat splat* Sammy and Misao reached her home shortly afterwards, the open beer cans and used condom trails could lead them hear anyday. And now they're bad housekeepers. Great. AND HE USED THE WRONG "HERE"! (to Sammy and Misao) GET AWAY! IT'S HAPPOSAI! They walked up to the door and began to open it when they heard some moans from the inside. They opened the door silently and peaked inside. What they saw was disturbing. JS and Asuka doing the nasty! *KLONG KLONG KLONG KLONG KLONG KLONG!* (gently rubbing his finger up her cleavage) C'mon Asuka, you know you want to. *KLONG KLONG KLONG KLONG KLONG KLONG!* "Oh Extreme your so great!" He used the wrong "you're". A man And that one word throws everything out the window. with sunglasses yelled out as he gripped his throbbing (Beetle-Baileyed, schoolteacher) PE-NIS! Also known as tallywhacker, wanker, schlong, or- (Dr. Evil) Just a little prick! *WHAM* *WHAM* OW! What'd you do that for? Obvious reasons. (JS, Ranma, and Ryoga are laughing their butts off) *WHAM!* *WHAM!* *WHAM!* tool "Your ass is just so tasty and EXTREME!" And the bad pun sickness is taking hold. YES, JUST LIKE SHAMPOOITIS, RUN-ONOPHOBIA, LOREAL'S SYNDROME, TANK COP FEVER......... Can you stop talking so loudly? I CAN'T HELP IT! The man being pounded looked up towards him and winked. "Your not so bad yourself ZeroCool." Oh no, he's using my name! (looks back and forth between the two Zero's) OH MY GOD! THEY LOOK ALIKE! HOW DARE YOU COMPARE ME TO _HIM_?! DIE! SLASHSLASHSLASHSLASHSLASHSLASHSLASHSLASHSLASH* (JS sits there, stunned, then falls into about fifty pieces) OH MY GOD, YOU KILLED JS! (Somewhere on the floor) Naw, I'm fine. He twised THIS SPELLING IS STARTING TO HURT. Aw, why do you have to start THAT up again?! over and frenched the man deeply. " Pound me with that big fat tool of yours. (Turning green) Please....don't. Not a crossover with Home Improvement! (others stare at her nervously) What? And after that shove that lifesaver up my anus too!" That's a new one. So, if he keeps sucking on it, it'll get smaller and disappear? (All the guys cross their legs) The two girls visibly blanched and shut the door quietly. I would've busted in there will all guns blazing. "That was disturbing." Sammy spoke as Misao shook her head in agreement. As they left they could have sworn they heard somebody yell out "Extream Transformation!" NOW _THERE'S_ THE RIGHT, YET WRONG WAY TO SPELL EXTREAM. ------------------------D *squuuuirrrrrrrt* *SPLUUUUURT!* *WHAMWHAMWHAMWHAMWHAM* (Tossing hammer into Hammerspace) Hmph. Hentai. And that would be Akane Hyperspace syndrome. (chucking) You would know. (Changes into her adult form) Except, I'm not a flat-chested tomboy who hates boys! (A hammer comes flying out of nowhere and beans Washu) OW! Sammy and Misao shook their heads as they headed up to the large and mysterious mansion. They wondered outloud HE SEEMS TO BE COMBINING WORDS, TOO. why they would go to such a wierd OUCH. place but they just shrugged it off. They opened the door to the mansion and walked inside, closing the door silently and tiptoeing inside. PICK A TENSE AND STICK WITH IT! Just as they were about to reach the kitchen a bizarre site befell them. A strangely dressed man came running out of the kitchen and was tackled by a crazy guy in a tutu. He's baaaaack! (as Johnny from 'The Shining') Heeeeeeeerreeeee's.JOHNNY! "You will be the one to carry my unborn child!" (Chinese voice, very quickly) YOU DIE NOW! (as Shampoo) Give you kiss of death! The man yelled out maniacly as he ripped off the old guys pants. Oh no, not geezer sex again. Well, what abo-(A hand clamps over his mouth) (Shakes her head vigorously) I wouldn't if I were you. She's very sensitive about that. He then twisted the guy over and shoved his shriveld OUCH. old cock right inside his butt, cutting it up and making blood splurt everywhere, BLOOD! (Faints) HUH?! For some reason, Invictus, Veteran of a Thousand Battles, is afraid of blood. Just like Naga the Serpent? I don't know why he didn't pass out before when Sasami was in pieces. Maybe he had his eyes shut. including onto the two little girls. A bizare OUCH! Stop that! Idea overcame the girls, one which they couldn't will against. Sudddenly STUTTER! STUTTER! they latched onto each other and began licking the blood from their respective bodies. Ewwww. (rubbing chin) This reminds me of a movie I watched. *WA-SLAM!* Wa-slam?! (Misato holds up a large fan and smiles) After they were done, their minds returned to normal and they ran towards the bathroom passing by a strange room with a couple of weird people. "Please, Tenchi help!" Sakuya yelled out as a demonic beast began ripping HER TO PIECES?! off her titties. OKAY, NOT EVEN I WOULD DO THAT. (insidious look in his eyes) I would..(begins cackling like Jinnai again) Blood splurted from her mouth and she ejactulated right there. So, she's a sado-masochist? OH YEAH, OUCH! WOMEN DON'T EJACULATE! Unless Sakuya's a man, which I wouldn't be surprised at. YEAH, SHE HAS THE CHEST OF ONE! The monster ripped off one of her legs and began to knaw OUCH. on it like a piece of chicken. As the unfortunate lady began hyperventalating OUCH! AND SHE'S NOT A LADY! She can't be if she ejaculates. I'm warning you Jamie, you'd better stop that. and cried until she loss the ability to cry anymore. Wow, I didn't know you could lose the ability to cry. The monster licked the bone clean and tossed it aside. And then opened it's eyes and shoved a large metal knife up her pussy, AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUGH! (The girls pass out) making jut all the way up to her mouth. Sakuya wiggled and flapped her arms for a moment and then blood exploded from her and splashed all on the ground and onto the monster, Waitaminute.that's.that's.(his eyes begin to tear up) THAT'S MY OVERFRIEND! WHOO-HOOO! GO GET HER BUDDY! (The monster gives a roar of triumph, the others stare REAL nervously at JS) with a grin it licked it's teeth and continued eating the girl from inside and out. O-OH! MY HEART! (Faints, crushes a few seats behind him when he falls) (Wakes up) U__U; You already did that! Misao and Sammy reached the bathroom in a hurry, they closed the door and took off their clothes. As Sammy gazed upon Misao's majestic body, Wow, look at that board. Like watching paint dry. her ass made a rumble and she clutched it insanely. Uh-oh! Misao looked up with concern and raise an eyebrow. (Wakes up, does The Rock eyebrow thing) This is becoming more and more of a sleazy porn movie. NOW you figure that? "I have to take a dump." (Everyone face-faults) OH NO! Sammy said as she clutched the toiletseat. HE'S COMBINING WORDS AGAIN! Misao grabbed her and shook her head, NONONONONO! Misao then sat down on the ground and becond WHATEVER THAT MEANS. for the blue haired girl to follow. As Sammy passed over Misao, her ass exploded and shit came splashing down, splashing all over Misao. (Throw up) Ugh, fecalphiliacs! (hit him with conventional items) WE DON'T NEED THE NAMES! Misao opened her shit overed eyes and looked towards Sammy, If she has shit in her eyes, she can't exactly see, can she? When did you wake up? (Turns green) Unfortunately, I woke up right before that last "scene". she then grinned and licked her fingers. SPEW! Sammy smiled gratefully and then put her clothes on, she passed over misao and frenched her gratefully. (as Sammy/Austin Powers) This saliva smells like shit! (as Misao/Basil)...It IS shit Sammy! As they passed by they again passed by the same room only there was a different person in it this time. "I declare! (Foghorn Leghorn) I do, I say, I do declare........ (as Chicken Hawk) Now, are you going to cum quietly or do I have to muss ya' up?! *KLONG!* What was that for? Look at the spelling of 'come.' Lord Tenchi..Help me!!" A purple haired girl asked That sounded more like a scream to me. HMMM, MAYBE I WON'T HAVE TO KILL HER MYSELF AFTER ALL! as the demon walked up to the woman and reached out, pulling out her eyeballs and eating them, (Turns green, then throws up) Geez, you seem to throw up more often than us! (Weakly) Yeah, Wily thought it'd be funny if I had an especially weak stomach. savoring the warm squishiness of the balls. That sounded SO wrong. The woman screamed out to the world and lurched back. The monster licked his fingers and walked up the woman, with a thrust he reached into her gut and ripped out her intestines, Y'know, I've noticed this many times in anime shows. Whenever a beautiful alien lands/crashes on Earth, they have the EXACT SAME physiology as humans. And yet I can breathe in space and don't need food to survive! Isn't that something?! Oh yeah? Neither do I! I don't need to sleep, can eat rocks, but I can't breathe in space. Maybe I'll have the Tech-Adepts of Mars research a space-lung. he then set them on a platter and began to suck them like spagetti noodles. Ryoko, should you say it, or should I? I'll say it. The man tried to spell spaghetti. He must have had a stroke. Ayeka smashed against the floor and died painfully, having been brutally violated by a big ugly monster. This guy will die a horrible, painful, brutal death by MY hands. The two girls walked up a staircase that had conviently appeared. Oh no, he's starting to act like Phucknut. Or any bad lemon writer for that matter. AND HE MISSPELLED CONVINIENTLY. They rushed towards another room and opened it up. (This scene is specifically for you Shorin) WHO...OR WHAT...IS A "SHORIN"? "Oh! Ryo-Ohki, your so spectacular!" AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUGH! Tenchi yelled out as he clutched the small furball and rammed his penis inside her, illiciting a pained myia Missing Yellowjacket In Action! (others stare at him nervously) You're a freak, you know that, right? (Sadly) I know, I know. And a crumpled moan. "Yes, So soft and warm!" He held her up and began using her to jack himself off." Hey look! It's a hobo apostrophe, taking up residen-*BAM!* Oh, the pretty birdies! (Faints) (Cracking knuckles) That's the THIRD time you guys have tried repeating that joke! STOP IT! The two girls quickly shut the door just before they heard a horrible tearing sound. (comes walking in pushing a large machine) I got the crushing press, who wants to kill themselves first? (At the same time everyone grabs Meis and throws him under the block, unfortunately, the press breaks on impact with his head) I KNEW we shouldn't have sent Meis first! He's too thick- headed! @__@ Look at all the stars. "Oh well, I'll just use your eye socket now!" AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUGH! GET ME OUT OF HERE! (scrambles for the door but is held back by Vegetta and Ryoga) Her yelled out Great, now Tenchi's a shemale. as a nasty squishing sound was heard. "Let's get out of here!" Sammy screamed out in terror as she turned around towards Misao, only there was someone else there instead. It's probably Kagato. "We still have so much to do." Kagato spoke O__O! I WAS ONLY KIDDING! as he shifted his arm and the room began to change. Suddenly she was strapped to a table and various instruments, (as Tim Allen) More power! Ar-ar-ar-ar-ar! (others stare at her nervously) I'm sorry! I like that show! knives and various poking instruments lined the table thoroughly. Oh no. Here we go again. He smirked and picked up a rather large and viscious poker. GIN! Wrong type of poker, idiot. Oh. HARRY POKER AND THE SORCERER'S BONE! *WHAMWHAMWHAMWHAMWHAMWHAMWHAMWHAMWHAMWHAM* AND HE MISSPELLED VICIOUS! "Let's begin" He spoke as he shove the horrid utensil inside her anus, practacly THAT'S IT. THIS GUY WILL DIE A HORRIBLE, PAINFUL DEATH! fucking her with it as he shoved it in and out, bringing blood AAAAAUGH! (Faints) It must have been all the blood he's seen on the battlefield that did this to him. If that's true, then I should be dead already. Yes, but you should see the things he's seen. I mean, nothing on DBZ is even NEARLY as disgusting as what he's seen. I know. I scanned his mind. And shit down onto the table as he pushed inward. With a sigh he took it out and grabbed a large knife. (Waking up) And stabbed Sasami, thereby getting this horrid part over with. He grabbed ahold of it and lowered it onto her back, then with a quick swipe he cut off a piece of her flesh and smiled. ^______^ *ZEEN* @__@ OW. (Powering down her Plasma blaster) Don't imitate the fic. Last time Joe tried to do that, he ended up getting his face stuck. (sulking) It was very painful. She screamed out in agony as her flesh was sliced from her, leaving blood trails all over her body. He looked at the piece of flesh and opened his mouth. CANNIBAL! HANNIBAL! (as Hannibal) Hello.Clarice. With a quick laugh he tossed the meat into his mouth and swallowed. "Tastes like chicken" This guy should be shot. In the face. With a missile. (Glares at JS) You try that again and you're dead. "Noooooo!!!!!!!!" Sammy screamed out in pain as he stood over her and opened up his pants. He then proceeded to violate her in her ass, pussy and mouth. NOT ONLY IS KAGATO AN EVIL SON-OF-A-BITCH, BUT HE'S A PEDOPHILE, TOO?! Wet squishiness and bloodynees, He never mentioned that he bashed her knees in. a few hours later she woke up. Kagato stood over her grinning. (Aims Arm Cannon at Meis's head) I wouldn't if I were you. (Waving hands in front of face) ^__^; I WASN'T! I WASN'T! Without warning her brought out his sword and sliced her head clean off. (Utterly shocked silence)......................... Oh my God. Great, he lets her wake up, then guillotines her. Let them have cake! *KLONG!* I think I'll help you kill these guys, Belarius! Yeah, me too! As the head rolled to the ground, he glanced at the open neck spot and licked his lips. Yeah, I guess he DOES look like a vampire. A deranged vampire, but a vampire nonetheless. -With gay little glasses. Kagato reached near the body and began sucking the blood from the open wound. (Disgusted) Yum yum. THE END....for now GOOD!....Wait a second...... Kagato's Testacle..............bringing disgusting to new heights. (measuring) Fourteen feet eleven inches. YOU GOT THAT GODDAMN RIGHT! --------All exit the theater-------- (Transforms back into Jamie, who again doesn't have any clothes on. He runs behind a curtain, and changes back into his armor) Okay, where were we? Oh yes, review time! So, for the first fic, what did you guys think? I thought it was pretty mild for a AAA- Phucknut fic. Yeah, I guess you're right. Except for the Sasami-splitting part. I only liked the half-naked chicks part. *CHOF* I give it a negative three million. I don't think I could handle another one of his fics. That was just.......disturbing. This is cool, I've always wanted to do one of these. Anyway, too disgusting, even for you Phucknut. But keep up with the Sakuya thrashing. I had a very minor part, and I commend you for it. I'm still not over the SSL. Just quit, okay? Don't even ask me. And, for the second fic? I didn't like it, because it involved Ryo-Ohki sex. Yeah, that's a definite turn-off. I want to toss him in with my tentacle monster! I don't like ANY lemons, period. He left it half-finished. Even if it WAS bad, you should at least finish it. It was okay. Except for the cabbit sex. I don't like bestiality. It would have been romantic, IF YOU WOULD HAVE PUT ME IN IT, AND NOT MY DAMN CABBIT! THIS WAS EVEN WORSE THE SECOND TIME I MST'ED IT! Little cabbit girls and teenage boys do not mix. I was with Joe when he MST'ed it for the first time, I hated it even more this time since we finished it. It's spelled Ryo-Ohki. And finally, what about the last "fic", if you could call it that. I think that could be worse than TOAPOS. Gee, ya think? I don't think I've ever been more insulted in all my life! That was waaaay too gory for me. I am leaving here as soon as we're done today, whether you like it or not. That was barf-o-rific. I didn't like it one bit. Then again, I can't imagine anyone who would. If you get any GOOD comments for this piece of crap, tell me who it is, and I'll mailbomb them. You left me out, that's good. Besides that, go find a ledge and jump off. Do not come out with the second part. It was bad, but you could have made it worse. (Ranma can't talk since he's still throwing up) --------All enter the rec. room-------- Ah, I finally have some time to relax. Yes, I think I'll need a few days off after what we've read today. Hey Ranma, you ready to battle? What're you kidding? Let's go! (Both jump off into another area of the ship, the rest of the crews follow. Ryoga gets separated from the group and finds himself lost) WHERE IN THIS SHIP AM I NOOOOOOW?! Geez, I never knew Invictus was that fast! (Both Invictus and Ranma are bouncing back and forth off the walls down the hall) (Thinking) hmmm, he's pretty good. I think I may have to use all my strength in this battle. This may be fun after all. (Thinking) Wow, I didn't think something that big could move so fast. I wonder how this battle will turn out. (The duo wind up in a large storeroom, and find Ryoga already there) RYOGA?! How the hell did you beat us here? You're way slower than me! I dunno, I just kinda wandered off and wound up here. That's Ryoga for you. Anyways, let's let the others get here so that we have an audience. Agreed? Sure. (The others finally make it to the room, all except Vegetta and Ryoko panting heavily) I didn't know the hallways in here were so big! Oh, hi guys! I'll be the ref, if that's okay with you. I don't have a problem with it, do you, Ranma? Be my guest! (JS starts singing that song, but is klonged by Asuka) (Magically changes into a referee's outfit) I want a good, clean fight. LET'S GET IT ON! -Note: the actions of the battle will be shown in these: [ and ]. (the two combatants just stand there, sizing each other up) (Thinking) Hmm....He seems to be relaxed, but has that loose fighting stance that shows he's a very good fighter. I'd better not underestimate him. (Thinking) I can't really read his face or build through that armor, but he seems to be well-versed in the ways of battle. I'll have to use everything I've got to stop him. [Invictus charges quickly, eliciting a surprised gasp from Ranma, who dodges the charge barely. Ranma jumps up high, to about thirty feet, and then fires a Moko Takabisha at Invictus. Invictus deftly maneuvers to get out of the way, but is partially hit by the blast.] Heh. Pretty good, but my Iron Halo protects me from projectile attacks. You'll have to do better than that! (Thinking, while falling back to the floor) Dammit, if my chi attacks can't hurt him, I'll have to get in close. And if he grabs me, I'll bet he could easily crush any bones in my body. What are you thinking about, boy? Come down and fight like a man! Oh god, he's starting to sound like Pops. Come here and attack! Or are you afraid of my fighting prowess? Man, it never shows when he's not fighting, but he has a HUGE ego! Maybe even bigger than Ranma's! HEY! I HEARD THAT! (Glances at Invictus, who is charging again) Hmm... I think I'll hit him from behind while he passes by me. [Invictus runs towards Ranma, who steps aside and gives him a hard kick in the back, sending him flying into a wall. Invictus gets up quickly, much to Ranma's surprise, and starts meditating] He's tougher than Ryoga! (Thinking) And why the hell is he meditating in the middle of a battle? Grrr, is he mocking me? THAT'S IT! [Ranma starts dashing at invictus, who, when Ranma gets close enough, quickly lashes out and grabs Ranma's arm. Before Ranma can do anything about it, Invictus uses his momentum to send him flying into the wall, making a neat little Ranma impression.] GO OGRE-BOY! I AM NOT AN OGRE! Geez, that must've hurt. You should see what he's gone through. I say he gets up in less than three seconds. (And Ranma does!) He wasn't meditating, he was measuring my moves! I'll get him for this! [Ranma runs towards Invictus, who is now in a ready stance. Invictus expects Ranma to try and ram him, but Ranma instead stops on a dime and shouts some Chinese. KACHU TENSHIN AMAGURIKEN!!!! Uh-oh. This is gonna hurt. [Ranma starts sending lightning-fast punches onto a concentrated area on Invictus's chest. Invictus can't do a thing about it, beacause the initial punch knocked the wind out of him, stunning him. Ranma finally lets up, when he thinks Invictus has had enough. The armor where he had punched at cracked, then crumbled. But Invictus, playing dead, suddenly grabs Ranma and slams him into the ground. He then pulls out a cat from absolutely nowhere--] Hey, where the hell did he get that cat? So I hear you don't like cats, ay, Ranma m'boy? Well, have a look at THIS! [Invictus pushes the cat on Ranma's face, while holding him down, much to the chagrin of Ranma] Argh, what an idiot. He should know what happens when Ranma is exposed to cats. [Just then, Ranma stops struggling.] So, you're giving up so soon, eh, boy?.........Huh? [Suddenly, Ranma starts hissing. Invictus releases his hold on him and backs away. Ranma gets up, sits on all fours, and meows.] What the?! Stop acting foolishly, kid! [Ranma lifts his head, revealing his glowing red eyes] What trickery is this? You moron! Don't you know when you expose Ranma to cats, he uses the Neko-Ken? (Glances at Jamie) What's that? (Points to Ranma) You're about to find out. [Invictus turns around just in time to get a face full of ki-claws. He starts backing up, but Ranma is still in his face, hissing the whole time. The Cat fist fighter slashes at Invictus's neck, only succeeding at breaking the chain that held the Iron Halo. Invictus is obviously peeved at this, and swats Ranma away, who almost avoids the swing, but not quite.] He broke my Iron Halo chain! How dare he! But, by the Emperor, he's strong! I'll ask him to teach me this technique afterwards! (Grabs Ranma and flings him far away, and snatches a pitcher of soda that the group was drinking) HEY! GIVE THAT BACK! Maybe some cold liquid will snap him out of it. [You can see Ranma screaming along towards Invictus, meowing all the way. As he nears the Space Marine, Invictus throws the pitcher of soda at Ranma, who instinctively cuts it in half with his ki-claws. Obviously, the soda splashes out, dousing Ranma in ice cold liquid. He becomes a she, and all that. Invictus is puzzled at why Ranma's hair turned red when he was splashed with the soda. (Thinking) maybe his hair was just dyed black. Huh? Where am I?! Oh yeah, we still have a battle to finish, you ogre! Ranma? Why is your voice so.....womanly? And why did you shrink? SHUT UP AND FIGHT! (Runs towards Invictus at a speed faster than his norm, and slams into him head-first. Invictus is sent flying backwards, along with the gender-bending martial artists, and grabs onto Ranma. Much to his surprise, he grabs something soft and round.] YOU STINKING PERVERT!!!!!! (Grabs Invictus by the head, a la Kuno, and flings him into a wall. Invictus makes yet another indentation, and slowly gets up.] What.....ARE you?! When I'm splashed with cold water, I change into a girl! Just like when Ryoga is splashed, he turns into a piggy-wiggy! HEY! (Walking away) Well, sorry, Mr. Super Transvestite, but I don't fight girls. WHY YOU!!! THAT'S IT!!! Um, guys? I think we should get behind something solid and strong. Why? Uh, because he's about to use his special attack. NOT THAT ONE! Everybody, RUN! HIRYU! (To everyone) GET OUT OF HERE! NOW! (Runs away, screaming madly) (Starts glowing) SHOTEN! Oh my. (Turns around) Huh? BY THE EMPEROR'S WILL! HA!!!!!!!! (The Rising Dragon Hurricane flies towards Invictus, picking him up and sending him flying. It then turns him into an ice cube, and freezes pretty much the entire room. But Ranma's fine because he's in the air at the time. Invictus is tossed around like a demented ping-pong ball{I know, someone else came up with that one} and finally slammed into the ceiling. Suddenly, the ice around him explodes. He falls quickly towards the ground, and lands on his feet) WHAT?! HE'S STILL STANDING?! HA! It'll take more than that to stop the might of the Emperor! (Cockily, saunters over to Invictus) Riiiiight. (Pokes Invictus in the chest, he falls over unconscious) I thought so. (Coming out from behind a crate) AND THE WINNER IS, RANMA! (JS crew cheers) NEXT BATTLE: ASUKA VS. SAMUS (as Mills Lane) The rules are simple. The first person to either get knocked out, stay down for a ten count, or starts crying in the ring loses! If either person kills the other, they are automatically disqualified.! (SSJ4; glaring at Samus) And will be severely punished! SAMUS! (Samus gets a sweatdrop) Now, LET'S GET IT. *DING DING!* Aw Washu.I wanted to say it. (smiling) Sorry Jamie honey. (grabs onto Washu) You called me honey! (rolls eyes) Oh great. (ignoring Washu's attempt to pry Jamie off with a crowbar) This is pointless. I want to go home. I know how you feel. But it's not as if we can go anywhere else. [The two contenders come out, Samus is in her normal battle gear, and Asuka is in her red plug suit. They stand at each other fearlessly] (ignoring them) LET'S GO ASUKA! THIS METAL MONSTER DOESN'T HAVE A CHANCE AGAINST YOU! (Samus leaps at JS, Asuka smiles nervously and scratches her head) (returning to her spot) I should be fine as long as there are no interruptions. ESPECIALLY THAT OF A GOOD FOR NOTHING HENTAI! This should be interesting, since Asuka can't fight without her Eva. I can handle myself just fine thank you! [Samus fires a blast at Asuka, which startles her. She goes flying backwards, and just barely misses another blast from Samus' blaster.] C'mon, fight me! [A light appears in the barrel of the blaster as a long chain-like energy beam starts heading towards Asuka. It catches her in the arm, and she screams in pain as she's pulled closer towards Samus.] (being held back by Lulu, Misato, Ryoga) LET ME AT HER! SHE'S HURTING ASUKA! LET ME GO! [Samus punches Asuka which causes her to go flying out of view, Samus waits patiently for Asuka's return, until a large, red, humanoid figure comes out of the shadows] THAT'S MY ASUKA! GO GET HER! (shaking) Th-th-th-that thing.What's it doing here? (The following scenes are deleted due to the vicious content and extreme gore) [Samus goes sliding against the ground, her armor torn to shreds, exposing most her body.] This is crazy, my blasts are doing nothing against this Eva, what can I do? MEIS, STOP LOOKING YOU PERV! (covering his eyes) I am not looking. I am not looking. [Samus wearily stands up and looks up at the red Eva.] OH, HO HO HO HO HO HO HO! So what do you think of me now?! Am I the greatest of what?! [The Eva kicks Samus that she goes flying into the wall behind her.] I AM THE GREATEST PERVERT BASHER YET! (As she says this, thunder rolls overhead as the lights dim) What the. There's somebody in here with us! I know this chi.I've felt it somewhere before. So have I. It's so familiar it's scary. If you both have felt it, then whoever it is must be from your world! But the only one who comes in with thunder is Kuno! And this is not Kuno! Alright! Show yourself! Who dares to intrude on our battle?! [A female figure is seen in the darkness, she is wearing a skirt, and a baggy top, like a school uniform. She steps out of the darkness, with fire in her eyes.] A-A-A-A-A-AKANE! [Akane disappears in a flash, everyone looks all over the place.] OH NO! AKANE'S HERE TO RECLAIM HER POSITION! HEY, WHERE'S RYOGA?! (A small, black pig is seen running away frightened, it appeared to have been wearing a yellow bandana) YOU COWARD! *KLONG!* AKANE'S HAS CLAIMED HER FIST VICTIM! JOE'S DOWN! (Everyone stares nervously at JS's crumpled figure smashed into the ground) Where is she?! She's moving so fast! OH NO! *KLONG!* [Akane's skirt is waving from the force of the blow on Meis's head. She glare over at Ranma and moves like the wind herself towards his position.] *KLONG!* (staring fearfully at the devastation) This isn't a bad dream! It's a nightmare! Please don't take my lines. I find it very rude. *KLONG!* [Samus's body is permanently imprinted into the floor. Akane turns to Eva Unit 02.] Well, you're pretty good. But that puny mallet isn't going to. [Akane pulls out a HUMONGEOUS mallet twice the size of the Eva.] (her Eva has a sweatdrop) That's a big mallet. *WA-KLONG!* [Akane throws her hammer away as she views the smashed Eva.] LET THIS BE A LESSON TO YOU ALL! (she disappears) Uhhh.the winner is.Akane, I guess. ******************** --------Back inside the Rec. room-------- Well, that was fun. Maybe we should do something like this again sometime, eh? But I don't think we should have any more battles. Except for me and you, JS. I'd like to see that. Just shut up, dear. Anyhoo, that WAS fun! Maybe you guys should come over more often. But Vegita, please don't drain our food stores next time. (Sneaks up behind Asuka, and gropes her) They're bigger than I thought! *KLOOOOOONG!!* (Meis is sent into the rafters, again) You put up a good fight, Ranma. I admit defeat. You would make a fine Space Marine. No thanks, I don't think being eight feet tall, bald, and butt- ugly would suit me. Although I WOULD like to have that strength. WHY YOU!!! I compliment you, and you insult me? Just make sure your boss doesn't make us watch any more Phucknut or KT fics. I don't think my servo-motors could handle it. Nice hanging out with you guys, but please don't drain the bar next time. It was nice meeting you guys! I've always read your MST's, but it's nice to actually MST with another group. I hope to see you guys again soon. Just have more food next time. SEE YA! (JS's crew mysteriously disappear) (Looks around at the devastation the two teams caused when partying) Great, now we have to clean up this mess. ******************** JS's note: First off, I would like to thank Jamie for putting up with me. I was a real pain because I took so long to write my portion of the MST. Next, to fanfiction.net, I ask their permission to re-post my MST's without fear of having them being taken out. I realize I didn't get permission from most of the authors, but it's all for fun really. Now to all my fans at tmffa.com, I am coming out with more MST's and am continuing my story in the regular section. Now to the authors of these stories. Phucknut, I actually find some of his stories funny, but this one wasn't, sorry. Rabbit, get a life, no one wants to see Ryo-Ohki and Tenchi going at it like dogs in heat. Kagato's Testacle.bleah! Jamie's note: I thank Joe for putting up with ME, because I'm a little too paranoid that a joke won't be funny. I only strive for the best! I'll have to agree with Joe on the author comments. I don't thin I could've said it better myself. Well, this is Jamie Sherman, Captain of the MSTing Battlecruiser Norad III, signing off. THE END......FOR NOW! *WHAM* OW! Samus, what'd you do that for? Don't EVER imitate Kagato's Testacle.