I don't own these characters or profit from them.


The Prince's bride (My first real parody)
By, Clayton Overstreet

Cast (As played by Tenchi characters in the order I thought them up while 
writing the cast list.)
The Dread Pirate = Ryoko
The farm boy = Tenchi
Princess = Aeka
The giant = Noboyuki
Spaniard = Young Yosho
Six fingered man = Kagato from the TV series
Miracle worker = Kiyone
Miracle worker's wife = Mihoshi
Old Queen = Misaki
ROUSs (Rodents of unusual size) = Ryo-oki and Ken-oki
The short genius = Washu
Gate Keeper = Kamidaki
The albino = Kagato from Tenchi OVA
Grandfather/Narrator = Asuza
Sick kid in bed = Sasami
The priest = Azaka




  Sasami smiled from her bed as her father walked into the room. He smiled 
lovingly down at her and sat in the chair next to her. "Hello Sasami."
  "Hello father. Did you come to see if I was okay?" She asked.
  "Yes. Your mother, Funaho, and I came as soon as we heard. I remember when 
I first caught the flu after coming to this planet." He reached into the 
folds of his cape. "Washu wrote a book that Funaho insisted I read to you. 
Something about the responsibilities of fatherhood and one story in seven 
hundred years not being too much to ask."
  "Yay!" She sat up smiling at him cutely. "Is it a kissing book?"
  "Partly." He said. Clearing his throat he began to read. "Once upon a time 
there was a young boy named Tenchi who lived a quiet life at home working in 
the fields. One day the princess of the land, hearing that he was 
exceptionally handsom, ordered him to marry her. He was against it, but when 
the princess orders something the peasants have no choice."
  Sasami giggled. "Wanna bet?"
  Asuza smirked at her then continued the story. "As Tenchi was riding to 
the castle though, he came across three travelars..."

  Washu stepped infront of Yosho and Noboyuki. Tenchi noticed that the first 
man was fingering a very elaborate sword hilt while the other had apparently 
been on steroids for a while.
  "Excuse me sir, but do you know of a village in the area?" Washu asked.
  "No, the closest place around is my own farm." He said.
  The next thing he knew he was waking up on a ship that looked like it was 
out to sea. It was hard to tell in the dark. Without a second thought he 
jumped overboard and began swimming for it.
  "I'd come back if I were you!" Washu called. "I did some experiments in 
this area."
  Suddenly a huge shrieking eel snapped at his face barely missing him. He 
began swimming back to the ship.
  "Do we have to kill him?" Noboyuki asked.
  "It does seem a bit accesive." Yosho said while sharpening his sword.
  Washu glared at them. "We were hired to start a war. No clam up or I'll 
send you back where I found you." She pointed at Yosho. "Getting drunk on 
wine at your shrine." Her finger moved to Noboyuki. "And you popping 
steroids like candy."
  Noboyuki rolled his eyes and reached into the water to pull Tenchi away 
from the eels. The boy glared at them. "You know the princess whose marrying 
me will hunt you down for this. Everyone knows she has a nasty temper."
  "Ha!" Washu said. "Nobody even knows you're with us. We left some clues 
that will lead them to think it is Queen Haruna who kidnapped you. Besides 
I've heard the tales too and with her sexual activities your better of with 
us."
  "Isn't she dead?" He said changing the subject as his face paled.
  She waved a hand. "Details details."
  Yosho looked over his shoulder while sharpening his sword and frowned. 
"You say nobody is following us?"
  "It would be absolutely inconcievable... why?"
  "Oh I just looked behind us and saw somebody there." He said casually.
  Noboyuki looked back. "That looks like the ship of the Dread Pirate 
Ryoko."
  Tenchi turned to look. "Really? I heard she's some kind of demon and very 
pretty."
  "I don't care who it is. They're too far back to catch up." As the sun 
rose she motioned ahead. "Behold, the Cliffs of Insanity."
  "Been in the area before have you?" Yosho mumbled.
  "What was that?"
  "Nothing."
  They tied Tenchi up, and then strapped him to Noboyuki's back as he began 
carrying all of them up a convieniently placed rope that was hanging down 
the cliff face.
  "See, I told you." Washu said smugly. "Nobody except Noboyuki could come 
up this way."
  Tenchi looked down. "Then why is that woman also climbing the rope?"
  They all looked down. A woman, which it was obviously because they could 
see down her cleavage even from this height, was climbing up after them. She 
was dressed in a black pirate outfit with a mask and sword. "She's kind of 
cute."
  "Thanks!" The woman called from below. Tenchi blushed and a drop of blood 
dripped from his nose. "Hey! Watch it."
  Noboyuki increased his speed. Once at the top Washu immediately cut the 
rope. Yosho peeked over and whistled. "She's still there."
  "Inconcievable!"
  "You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it 
means."
  "It's on my 'Word a day' calendar," Washu groaned. "Look, if she falls 
join up with us. If not kill her. We'll go on ahead."
  "I'm going to duel her left handed."
  "We're in a hurry." She snapped.
  "It's the only way I'll feel right about killing her."
  "Fine, but you'd better not take too long."
  Several minutes later Yosho peeked over the edge. "I'd throw you a rope 
but I doubt you'd take it since I'm waiting to kill you."
  "Probably not a reason to trust you then." She said climbing up.
  "I could give you my word as a Juraian." He said.
  Her arm came over the edge and she pulled herself up. "No good. I've known 
too many Juraians." At the top she brushed herself off and looked at him.
  "Want to rest first?"
  "Nah, I'm fine." She said.
  "You don't happen to have six fingers on your right hand do you?"
  She shook her head and drew her sword. "No, why?"
  "A man with six fingers killed my father."
  "A man?" She put a hand on her hip and stuck out her chest.
  He shrugged and drew his own sword. "You can never tell these days."
  They fought a great battle all over the surrounding area. Over rocks, 
around crumbling walls, and all the while exchanging witty banter. Finally 
Yosho was on his knees. "Please don't kill me!" He begged with tears in his 
eyes. Ryoko just sighed and knocked him out.
  A little while later she came acrossed Noboyuki. He said something about 
fighting fair but she was in a hurry and just kneed him in the crotch. 
Finally she came to a hill where Washu sat with a knife to Tenchi's throat.
  "Why are you doing this? What is this boy to you?" Washu asked.
  Ryoko shrugged and eyed Tenchi in a way that made him blush. "Oh nothing 
really. I just saw him in your ship as I was passing by and thought he was 
cute. I figured since it looked like you were going to kill him anyway I 
might aswell save him and hope that he shows his gratitude." She bent down 
showing him her breasts.
  "Hey, I'm over here!" Washu snapped. "Anyway it's obvious by your defete 
of my lackies that you are very strong and good with a sword. But you can't 
possibly compete with me mentally."
  "Really? How about a battle of wits?"
  Washu put her knife away. "What do you suggest."
  "Well I was going to do this thing where I poison two cups of wine, but 
since you put the weapon down..." Ryoko took out her sword and stabbed her. 
Washu fell down dead. "Idiot."
  After she untied Tenchi he just stared at her. "That was amazing."
  "Hey, would you like to come to my ship? I know a shortcut. Once we're 
there we can get a little privacy." She blew in his ear.
  "Uh sure." He managed. "What shortcut?"

  Five hours later:

  Tenchi and Ryoko stumbled out of the fire swamp charred and covered in 
sand.
  "Did you see the size of those rodents?" He yelled. "No more shortcuts!"
  "I still say there are no ROUSs!" Suddenlly two furry creatures that could 
have been cats or rabbits jumped at her head. "Ah, they're in my hair!"

  (Due to circumstances beyond my control (Aeka has me at gunpoint) I can 
not tell you how Tenchi was willing to sacrifice himself for Ryoko or how 
the princess in the story betrayed them. Instead I'm to skip to the torture 
scene.)

  "No, not to fifty!" Kagato yelled.
  "Yeaaaaaaaaaaah!" Ryoko screamed."

  Elsewhere in the forest Noboyuki and Yosho could hear the scream.
  "That is the sound of ultimate suffering." Yosho said.
  "It sounds like that pirate girl. Hey if we help her do you think we might 
get some?"
  Yosho nodded. "Lets go!"

  (Good news folks! I got the gun and had Aeka carted off to the loony bin! 
Now where am I in the story...)

  Yosho knocked on the door to the miracle worker's shop.
  "Go away!"
  "But we have someone who needs a miracle." Noboyuki said.
  "I don't do that any more." Kiyone said through the door. "Not since the 
queen's bitchy daughter fired me."
  "Would it help if we told you that this girl plans to steal the princess's 
betrothed, ravish him, and laugh in the princess's face?"
  The door opened. "Come on in. How much money do you have?" She helped lay 
Ryoko on the table and grabbed the bellows from the fireplace.
  "Five yen." Said Noboyuki.
  "We'll take it." Said a voice behind them. They turned and saw Mihoshi. 
"We haven't had any money for a while."
  "Quiet Mihoshi!" Kiyone growled. She took the bellows and pumped some air 
into Ryoko's lungs. Setting them aside she asked. "What do you have that's 
worth living for?"
  She pushed on Ryoko's chest and listened. "Hooooooot seeeeeeex."
  "See, a truly noble cause." Noboyuki said quickly.
  Yosho looked at Kiyone. "Why were you fired anyway?"
  She motioned to Mihoshi. "Aeka caught us together and we wouldn't let her 
join in."

  (Damn it's 3:00 AM. I need to get to sleep so lets wrap this up. They gave 
her a pill coated with chocolate that was left over after a recent lemon 
fic, Ryoko and the others stormed the castle, killed Kagato, left Aeka tied 
up which she didn't mind so much, and ran off with Tenchi.)

The End

  Care to comment on me trashing a great classic movie? Email me at 
clayton_n@hotmail.com