I consider myself pretty "desensitized", considering what I've seen and 
been through in my short 24 years on this planet.  But not too long ago, I heard 
a song that made me literally sick to my stomach, my breathing shallowed and I 
became physically dizzy and almost drove off the road this song was so 
disturbing.  It was "Kim", by Eminem, off the Marshall Mathers LP.  Not since 
Korn's "Daddy" had I heard such pure rage and sadness in a voice, such a 
brutally honest song about the thin line between love and hate.  Say what you 
will about that goofy white-boy, but this song is a masterpiece of emotion.
	So I decided to see if I could rewrite it so it was Ryoko who was the one 
who had gone over the edge, and so here it is.  I have always felt Ryoko would 
lose it if Tenchi ever chose Ayeka or any other girl over her.  She has had 
nothing her entire life, and to have the one thing she had found stolen from her 
would surely drive her mad.  I suggest you listen to the original song first 
before reading this, so you can picture just how torn apart Ryoko would sound.
	Plus being a rabid Ryoko fan, I know my house will be firebombed by the 
others like me after this is read.

"Tenchi Muyo!" and all characters therein are property of Pioneer and AIC.  
"Kim" is property of Eminem.  This songfic is property of Ian Sagat.  

Please send feedback (and inevitable flames) to eraser1976@hotmail.com


"Tenchi"
A songfic by Ian Sagat

(Ryoko is in a dark bedroom, looking down on a peacefully sleeping Sasami)

RYOKO: "Look at Ryoko's little girl, Ryoko's little friend.  Little sleepy 
head."

(She brushes her hair gently)

"Yesterday I helped you cook, watched you and played with you, how many years 
have we been friends? Can't believe it, now it's two.  Sasami, you're so 
precious, I really love you."

(She bends down and kisses her forehead.  She then spins around at cringing 
Tenchi, and she begins to scream.)

"SIT DOWN TENCHI, YOU MOVE AGAIN I'LL BLAST THE SHIT OUTTA YOU!"

(Tenchi yelps, and begins crying and screaming)

"Don't make wake Sasami up, she don't need to see what I'm 'bout to do!  Quit 
cryin', Tenchi, WHY YOU ALWAYS MAKE ME SHOUT AT YOU!?!  HOW COULD YOU?!?! Just 
leave me and love her out the blue? Aw, what's the matter Tenchi, AM I TOO LOUD 
FOR YOU?!! Too bad, bitch, you're gonna finally hear me out this time! At first 
I'm like 'Alright, you wanna screw Ayeka now? That's fine!'  But now she's gonna 
take my place, ARE YOU OUTCHA MIND??!!?" 

(Ryoko begins trashing the room)

"YOUR LOVE, YOUR HEART, YOUR WHOLE LIFE IS MINE!!!! How could you let her sleep 
in your bed?!?!  Lookit Tenchi! Look at Ayeka now!" 
TENCHI: "NO!"
RYOKO: "I SAID LOOK AT HER!!!"

(Ryoko grabs him by the head and shoves his face an inch from a bloody, lifeless 
Ayeka's)

RYOKO: "She ain't so hot now is she? Little punk!"
TENCHI: "Why are you doing this?"
RYOKO: "SHUT THE FUCK UP!"
TENCHI: "Your drunk!  Your never gonna get away with this!"
RYOKO: "You think I give a fuck?!?!  C'mon, were goin' for a fly bitch, get 
ready, punk!"
TENCHI: "We just can't leave Sasami alone, what if she gets awake?"
RYOKO: "We'll be right back...well, I will, you'll be in the lake!"

(CHORUS)  RYOKO:
So long, Tenchi did me so wrong,
I don't wanna go on,
Living in this world without you.
So long, Tenchi did me so wrong,
I don't wanna go on,
Living in this world without you.

(Ryoko materializes above the lake, flying with Tenchi hanging under her in her 
arms, facing the ground.  Both have tears falling from their eyes.)

RYOKO: "You really fucked me, Tenchi, you really did a number on me! I never 
knew me trying to kill you would come back to haunt me! BUT I WAS ANGRY THEN 
TENCHI! WHY COULDN'T YOU JUST SEE?!?!  THAT WAS YEARS AGO! I THOUGHT WE WIPED 
THE SLATE CLEAN, THAT'S FUCKED UP!"
TENCHI: "I love you..."
RYOKO: "Oh, Kami, my brain is racin'!"
TENCHI: (barely audible) "I love you..."
RYOKO: "What are you doin'?! Change what your sayin'! You hate me now! Does this 
look like a big joke?!? There's and little kid and her big sister lyin' dead 
with a slit throat IN YOUR BEDROOM!!! HA HA!!!  What, you think I'm kiddin' 
you?"  (Ryoko pauses, and laughs/cries heavier) "You loved her, didn't you?!"
TENCHI: "NO!"
RYOKO: "Bullshit, you dick, don't fuckin' lie to me!  AND WHAT THE FUCK'S THIS 
VOICE YELLING THAT'S INSIDE OF ME???  Fuck you, Zero! Yeah, bite me!"

(They land at the side of the lake, in the forest.  Ryoko tosses Tenchi down.)

RYOKO: "Tenchi? TENCHI?!?! Why don't you like me?  You think I'm ugly don't you? 
YOU THINK I'M UGLY!"
TENCHI: "It's not that!" (He reaches out to touch her)
RYOKO: (Pushes him away, hard) "Get the fuck away from me! Don't touch me! I 
hate you! I HATE YOU! Oh, Kami, I hate, you...Oh Kami-sama, I love you! HOW THE 
FUCK COULD YOU THIS TO ME? HOW THE FUCK COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME!?!?!?!?"

(CHORUS)  RYOKO:
So long, Tenchi did me so wrong,
I don't wanna go on,
Living in this world without you.
So long, Tenchi did me so wrong,
I don't wanna go on,
Living in this world without you.

(Ryoko gets behind Tenchi)

RYOKO: "C'mon, kneel down!"
TENCHI: "I can't, I'm scared!"
RYOKO: "I SAID KNEEL DOWN, BITCH!"
TENCHI "Let go of my hair!  Please don't do this, Ryoko, please, I love you!  
Look, we can just take Ryo-ohki and leave!"
RYOKO: "FUCK YOU!!! You did this to us! YOU DID IT!!! IT'S YOUR FAULT!!! (Ryoko 
grabs the sides of her head) Oh Kami-sama, I'm crackin' up! GET A GRIP, RYOKO!
(Ryoko smiling now) Hey! You remember that time that we had that party, and I 
was like so drunk that I threw up all over Mihoshi? That was funny, wasn't it?"
TENCHI: (quietly) "Yes."
RYOKO: "THAT WAS FUNNY WASN'T IT?!?!"
TENCHI: "YES!"
RYOKO: "You, see, it all makes sense, doesn't it?  You and Ayeka have a fight, 
both of you activate the Light, and during the struggle, she accidently gets her 
lovely voice box sliced!  And while this is going on, Sasami's woke up, and she 
walks in, he panics, and she gets her throat cut!"
TENCHI: (Barely believing what he's hearing) "Oh my Kami..."
RYOKO: "And now they're both dead, and you slash your own throat, so now it's 
double homicide, and seppuku, with no note!  I should have known better, when 
you started to act weird, we coulda..."

(Tenchi gets off and sprints for the woods)

RYOKO: "HEY! Where you goin'? GET BACK HERE!"

(Ryoko takes off, flying right behind him)

RYOKO: "You can't run from me, Tenchi, it's just us, nobody else, your only 
making this harder on yourself!"

(Ryoko materializes in front of Tenchi and tackles him.  Tenchi screams.)

RYOKO: "HAHA! GOTCHA!!  Go ahead, yell! Here, I'll scream with you! 'AHHHH!! 
SOMEBODY HEEEEELP!!!'  Don't you get it, Tenchi, no one can here you! NOW SHUT 
THE FUCK UP AND GET WHAT'S COMING TO YOU!"

(With Tenchi on his knees, Ryoko manifests an energy dagger, and quickly sweeps 
it across Tenchi's neck.  Tenchi gags and gurgles as he claws at his ruined 
throat.)

RYOKO: (standing over him, tears pouring out of her eyes) YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO 
LOVE ME!! NOW BLEED, BITCH, BLEED!!!!! BLEED, BITCH, BLEED!!!  
BLEEEEEEEEEDDDDDD!!!!!!"

(CHORUS)  RYOKO:
So long, Tenchi did me so wrong,
I don't wanna go on,
Living in this world without you.
So long, Tenchi did me so wrong,
I don't wanna go on,
Living in this world without you.
(Soon the hysterical screaming and sounds of dying stop.  Ryoko quietly drags 
Tenchi to the edge of the lake, gives him one last look, and tosses him in.  
After standing there for what seems like an eternity, she disappears...forever.)