JEOPARDY: TENCHI MUYO STYLE! VOICE: Welcome to a special edition of Jeopardy! We have the Battle of the Geniuses today, and none other than Teeeennnchiiii Maaaasaki will replace Alex Trebek! Let the battle begin! TENCHI: Welcome to Jeopardy, folks! *Jeopardy theme plays as the crowd cheers* Today, we have three GENIUSES! First, we have Washu Hakubi, the greatest-genius-scientist-in-the-whole-universe! WASHU: I refuse to play, unless... KAGATO and YUME: Here it comes... WASHU: ...you all call me Little Washu! *bows while Kagato and Yume sigh* TENCHI: *sweat drop* Anyways, we have Yume, the other-genius-in-the-whole-universe! YUME: *frowns* Thanks a lot. Hmph. TENCHI: *pats sweaty forehead with white hanky and smiles nervously* Okay then...our final guest, Kagato the space pirate! *Washu falls over* WASHU: What's THAT loser doing here? KAGATO: *smirk* I AM a genius, after all. WASHU: *punches Kagato* This *beep* *beep* *beepbeep* just stole MY work! KAGATO: *nose bleeding* No, I didn't. WASHU: YOU DID, YOU-- *another series of beeps that block Washu's voice* Hey! What are you people doing?! YUME: They just hate your voice, Washu. WASHU: YOU *beep* *beepbeepbeep*!!! *starts wrestling with Yume* CROWD: *cheers* Yaaaahoooooo! TENCHI: Stop, stop! *tries to break up the fight between all of them* CROWD: *Jerry Springer style* Tenchi! Tenchi! Tenchi...! *Kagato blasts them* AAAAAH! TENCHI: *looks at his torn suit miserably* Okay! Our categories are... *screens light up* Cooking-- YUME: PATHETIC! CAN'T YOU DO BETTER THAN THOSE PRIMITIVE TELEVISION SCREENS? HEY! I'M TALKING TO YOU! TENCHI: *not listening* --Science, Science Two, Mechanics, and Kagato. KAGATO: WHAT?! TENCHI: *still not listening* Wa--LITTLE Washu, you're first. WASHU: *smiles sweetly* Thank you. Science for 1000. TENCHI: What is the scientific equation for muscle acid output in relation to facial structure and current emotion? CROWD: Hey! That's not a Jeopardy format question! KAGATO: SHUT UP! WHO CARES? *blasts the crowd again* [beep] TENCHI: Washu, I believe you were first. WASHU: *deep breath* A plus the quantity of the total muscle and the sum of two pi 700 over the whole base muscle quantity multiplied by the square root of total muscle per square centimeter minus the surface area of the skin plus the quantity of pi squared plus the total emotion b over three pi minus E. Waaaaaay to simple for a genius like me! Hahahaha! *camera man #1 faints and falls over* TENCHI: Great! 1000 points for Washu, none for everyone else! Select again. WASHU: Kagato for 500. TENCHI: Why does Kagato wear frilly pink underwear? Wow, Kagato, I didn't know you wore pink underwear! [beep] TENCHI: Yume, you're first. YUME: Because he is a cross-dresser! [buzz] TENCHI: Wrong! The correct answer is: Kagato wears frilly pink underwear because it makes him feel pretty and special! KAGATO: *hands over his ears, his face red* NO! IT'S NOT TRUE! IT'S NOT TRUE!!! TENCHI: Since Yume got the question incorrect-- [buzzer] TENCHI: Oh! So close! That buzzer means it's the end of round one! Time to vote for the weakest link! KAGATO: WE'RE NOT PLAYING THE WEAKEST LINK!!! TENCHI: Who cares! I'm the host! I can do whatever I want! Now, vote! Washu, who do you pick? WASHU: Yume. KAGATO: Yume. YUME: Yume. Hey, wait a second, no! Not- TENCHI: Oh! Too bad! Yume, you are the weakest link! Good-bye! *Washu falls on the floor laughing while Yume storms away* [bell ringing] TENCHI: Okay. This is the start of round two! We'll start with our strongest link, Washu. Please select a question. WASHU: Kagato for 1000. KAGATO: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! TENCHI: Why does Kagato have a shrine dedicated to--uh, a shrine dedicated...to Washu...? KAGATO: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! TENCHI: I'm sorry, but the answer is not "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" The correct answer please, Washu. WASHU: Because he loves me! *pauses and pulls a face* Yuck! Blah! *edges away from Kagato* TENCHI: That is correct! Kagato, since you have not answered a question correctly, I have pity on you and you can pick the next question. KAGATO: *looks thoughtfully and smiles when a category "Washu" shows up suddenly* Washu for 1000. TENCHI: What? Washu? Oh well. Okay. Here's the question. Who is Washu in love with? *Washu gasps and falls on the floor, twitching* KAGATO: What a stupid question. Science, of course! [buzz] TENCHI: I'm sorry, but that is incorrect! The correct answer is... *turns green* ...me...Tenchi Masaki. *Ryoko and Ayeka stomp onto the stage and start beating Washu up* WASHU: *bruised and still twitching* Kagato for 100. TENCHI: This will be the last question of the game before we finish the game. Who is Kagato's current girlfriend? KAGATO: *turns a pale color to match his gray hair* Oh no. WASHU: I know! I know! Mihoshi Kuramitsu is Kagato's girlfriend! TENCHI: THAT IS ABSOLUTELY CORRECT! WASHU YOU WIN THE-- *the real show host, Alex Trebek walks onto the stage* TREBEK: Get off my show! You've completely messed it up! Get out of my sight! Especially you, Kagato! I used to like you, but now that I know you wear pink undies, I think you're just a sissy! *Yume walks back onto the stage holding a bazooka-style atomic blaster* YUME: Washu, will you do me the honor of dispatching this guy? WASHU: Nah. Let Kagato do it. Too much blood. YUME: *hands Kagato the blaster* Please do the honors. KAGATO: *takes the blaster in one hand and his energy sword in the other* Don't mind if I do! Hiiiyaaaaaaaaaaa! TREBEK: Aaaah! Help me! THANK YOU FOR READING! How was that? I know, Tenchi and the others are property of Hitoshi Okuda, Pioneer, and AIC...yeah, I know the drill. Jeopardy isn't mine, and Alex Trebek isn't my employee. Fine, there, don't sue me, okay?