"Turkey Muyo" A Post Thanksgiving Skit By Mark Zima (mdzima@ucdavis.edu) Edited by Aldrich "GenSao" Bautista (gensao@geocities.com) -=-=-=-=- Introduction This was originally a script to a play that was enacted to the UCD Anime Club during the intermission of a regular meeting. They had "volunteers" from the audience participate in this skit. They each had a mask of the character they played. I really enjoyed it, so much that I wanted to type out the original script (with some minor adjustments) below. I hope you will enjoy this as well. All material in this story is copyrighted by their respective companies and authors. Please send ALL C&C to Mark Zima (mdzima@ucdavis.edu), not to me ^_^. --GenSao -=-=-=-=- (Scene opens with City Hunter and Ranma facing each other on stage) City Hunter: Ranma!!! I've found you! And now I'm gonna kill you for what you've done to me! Ranma: (surprised) Hey! You're "City Hunter" aren't you? What could I have EVER done to YOU??? We're not even characters in the same SERIES! City Hunter: I'm too stupid to be able to explain it, but I'm one of the thousands of people who've fallen into a cursed Jusenkyo pool because of you! Ranma: You fell into a Jusenkyo pool? City Hunter: Yea, I did! And it Was the very worst one too! Ranma: The WORST Jusenkyo Pool?!?! City Hunter: Yes! The very WORST Jusenkyo pool of ALL! It was... the Pool of... the Pool of... the Pool of DROWNED TURKEY!!!!!! Ranma: Well, yeah, I can see how turning into a turkey when you're splashed with cold water is tough... especially with Thanksgiving coming up and all, but I don't think... City Hunter: No, no, NO! You don't know the horror... the unbearable HORROR of what happen! (shudders) Ranma: Oh come on. We're sort of in the same boat you know. I can understand how... City Hunter: (very angry) NO! You have no idea! It's UNFORGIVABLE what happens to me when I change! Especially what happens to me when I change! Especially what happens with my... with my... with my super strong MOKKORI needs!!! I... I... I can't even bear to THINK about it! The Horror! The HORROR!!! RANMA!!!!!! I'M GONNA MAKE YOU PAY!!!!!!! Ranma: (reaching for a bucket of water) Oh yeah? Well let's see what you can do AS A TURKEY! (Ranma moves the bucket as if splashing City Hunter with water. Pretend there is water.) City Hunter: (acts as if really splashed with cold water. Exchange the City Hunter mask for the previously concealed William Shatner mask) Ranma: (amazed) You turn into... into WILLIAM SHATNER????? How AWFUL!!!!! When you said "Pool of drowned TURKEY"... I didn't realize... William Shatner: ..the true horror, the inconceivable horror, the UNFORGIVABLE HORROR!!!!! Yes, I turn into the most EMBARRASSING turkey imaginable, William Shatner. So naturally, I must kill you, and then take my own life. Mihoshi: (walking in, holding a space gun pointed at William Shatner) STOP! Ranma: Mihoshi?!?! What are YOU doing here? You're not in he same series as EITHER of us! Mihoshi: I'm too stupid to be able to explain it. All I know is that, as a Galaxy Police Officer, I must insist that William Shatner leave this skit immediately! It's supposed to be for ANIME CHARACTERS ONLY!!!! William Shatner: I'm not leaving until I kill Ranma! Mihoshi: Leave or I'll shoot!... PLEASE leave!!! William Shatner: Not until I kill Ranma! Mihoshi: BANG! (short pause for Ranma's reaction to getting shot) Ranma: (grabs his leg and hops on the other leg, he continues to hop or limp for the rest of the skit) OW!!!!!!!!!! Mihoshi: BANG! (shoots again, hitting Bystander A [On/by stage], he/she yells, and comically acts as if being shot.) Mihoshi: BANG! (shoots again, hitting Bystander B [person in back row], he/she yells, and acts as if being shot.) Mihoshi: BANG! (shoots again, hitting Bystander C [person in front row], he/she yells, and comically acts as if being shot in the butt.) Tuxedo Mask: (enters swiftly) Mihoshi! Please stop before you decimate the entire Davis Anime Club! I, Tuxedo Mask, will get William Shatner to leave. Ranma: Tuxedo Mask! What are YOU doing here? Your not... NEVER MIND! I DON'T CARE ANYMORE!!! (Ranma calls out to the audience now, and rubs his hurt leg) HEY IS DOCTOR TOFU IN THE HOUSE?!?! Tuxedo Mask: WILLIAM SHATNER!!! Acting can be a noble profession, but ONLY when it is used for GOOD. First you dragged down STAR TREK by not going away when you should have. NOW you're dragging down this skit. What's next? Dragging down the entire meeting? Go AWAY!!! William Shatner: I'll tell you what's next. The club isn't going to show {Insert remaining showing schedule} after this skit as planned. Instead I'm turning this meeting into a marathon showing of EVERY episodes of T.J. HOOKER! And nobody will be allowed to leave before the last episode ends! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! HA!!!!! Tuxedo Mask: You FIEND!!!!! I won't allow it!!!! (Tuxedo Mask throws a rose at William Shatner's feet) William Shatner: (unaffected by the rose) Do you think you can stop me with a mere ROSE? HA!! (now using a sexy voice) Why don't you try again with a dozen roses and a box of chocolates, you cute little Tuxedo MAKKORI you. Ranma: (lifts one leg in air; tilts his body to one side; and raises his hands up to do the classic surprised anime jester. Tuxedo Mask: (pauses for Ranma's gesture to bee seen, then yells) SHOOT ME, MIHOSHI!!!!!! Mihoshi: NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Tuxedo Mask: It's our ONLY CHANCE! Shoot me, Mihoshi! Mihoshi: (Panicky) No, I CAN'T do THAT! Tuxedo Mask: Trust me! It'll be O.K.!!! Shoot me, Mihoshi! QUICKLY! Mihoshi: (aiming at Tuxedo Mask) BANG! William Shatner: OW!!!!!! (starts hopping on one leg, grabbing the other leg as if shot) Tuxedo Mask: (short pause for Shatner's reaction to getting shot) YES!!!!!! Shoot me AGAIN, Mihoshi! Mihoshi: O.K.... BANG! William Shatner: OW!!!!!! (grabs his arm now, as if shot there. Hops away from skit) Mihoshi and Tuxedo Mask: (both giving a "V" for VICTORY hand sign to the audience) YAY!!!!!!!! -=-=-=-=- END!