DISCLAIMER: Tenchi Muyo! and all original characters therein are copyright AIC and Pioneer Entertainment. "Without Me" copyright Eminem and Interscope Records. This songfic copyright Ian Sagat 2001. Holy crap, I love the new Eminem single! So I am going to be the first to songfic it here and now! Get the single anyway you can and play it while reading this, you really need it for this one. OK, without further ado, here's "Without Me" by Eminem, Tenchi style! (God, I'm never gonna finish my epic...) "Without Tenchi" A SONGFIC BY IAN SAGAT (Records scratch in the background with various sounds before being totally cut off, beat kicks in) (Tenchi): Two alien girls go round the outside, round the outside, round the outside. Two alien girls go round the outside, round the outside, round the outside. (Ryoko moans) (Kagato and Yosho): Guess who's back, back again, Tenchi's back, tell a friend, (Kagato and Yosho): Guess who's back, (Yosho and Washu): Guess who's back, (Washu and Yugi): Guess who's back, (Yugi and Kain): Guess who's back, (Kain and Yuzuha): Guess who's back, (Yuzuha and Jar-Jar Binks): Guess who's back, (Jar-Jar Binks and Chim-Chim): Guess who's back, duh-nuh-nuh. (Kagato and Yosho make nuh-nuh noises to the beat) (Tenchi, lighting a blunt): I've resurrected a monster! 'Cause nobody wants to see Tenchi no more, They want Ryoko, I'm chopped liver. Well if ya want Ryoko, this is what I'll give ya: A little bit a me and Ayeka and we'll lick her! The two hot girls better jump start my heart quicker than a shock when I get shocked in Washu's lab by the "nurse" when I'm not cooperating, 'cause that nurse tries to get me ejaculating! (Hey!) You've waited this long so stop complaining, 'Cause I'm back, I'm on the throne, and masturbating! I know that I have to tag my ladies, But this whole threesome thing is complicating! So the AIC won't let me be, And did a number three OAV, They try to censor me on Toonami, But you still got it all on DVD. So, come on get, A song on your lips, Jump back, get drunk and karaoke a bit, And get ready, things are about to get heavy, I just killed my ex-girlfriend, (FUCK YOU YUGI!) Now this looks like a job for me, 'Cause all these damn girls want a piece of me, Sometimes I wanna run and just be free, But it won't be a show without me! Now I said Now this looks like a job for me, 'Cause all these damn girls want a piece of me, Sometimes I wanna run and just be free, But it won't be a show without me! Little hellion, my kid's feelin' rebellious, Not embarrassed, even though she wants to do incest, I start feelin' that in her arms I'm helpless, Until Ryoko comes along on a mission and yells "Bitch!" Mayuka gets hairy, That vision is scary, Ryoko gets horny and drags me to her cave. I'm yellow, I start to bellow real fast, It's a fact that all these hot women are after my ass! And it's a disaster, such a catastrophe, That I reject all these chicks that are goin' after me. Well I'm back, (Batman theme) duh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh (kish) Fixin' tuna and soon I'm gonna tune right ina' porn like a sinner and see some skin'a for dinner, the center of attention, back for the end, It's so interesting, the best thing since wrestling, it's vexing why these girls keep on nesting! (kish) Testing, attention please! Get girls' attention soon as someone mentions me, It's real tense, build a new fence for me, And hence, you dense girls, let me be! Now this looks like a job for me, 'Cause all these damn girls want a piece of me, Sometimes I wanna run and just be free, But it won't be a show without me! Now I said Now this looks like a job for me, 'Cause all these damn girls want a piece of me, Sometimes I wanna run and just be free, But it won't be a show without me! A tisket, a tasket, I'll go tit-for-tat wit', Any little punk who talks this-and-that shit, Lady Tokimi, gonna getcha ass kicked, Worse then that little Kagato bastard! And Yugi, you can get stomped by Ryo-ohki, You 30 thousand year old blonde headed baby, You don't know me, you're too lame, let go, It's over, nobody watches Tenchi in Tokyo! Now let's go, now just gimmie a sign, And I'll be there with a whole fistful of new plotlines, I've been known to be good 'cause I'm nimble, Ever since Clay stamped Ryoko's ass with his symbol! Well sometimes, man, it just seems, Everybody only wants to sleep with me, So this must mean I'm porno king, But that's not me, I'm just Tenchi! (Yeah!) Though I'm not the first me to hit the TV, I am the worst thing since S. Ikari, To be so clueless when ladies want me, And use it to get my own series! (Hey!) Here's a concept that works: 20 million other Tenchi plots emerge, But no matter how many Tenchi's, you see, It still won't beat the OAV! Now this looks like a job for me, 'Cause all these damn girls want a piece of me, Sometimes I wanna run and just be free, But it won't be a show without me! Now I said Now this looks like a job for me, 'Cause all these damn girls want a piece of me, Sometimes I wanna run and just be free, But it won't be a show without me! (Tenchi makes gibberish noises to the beat, which eventually fades out) Well, that wasn't as easy as I thought! But, I did just hear it yesterday, so cut me a little slack! Any comments/flames, send to eraser1976@hotmail.com. Until next time, sayonara!