David J. Thompson (Meekly) presents: "And now for something completely
stupid"
Ch.2: "Dare to be stupid"
*****************************************
        The air of the lab was thick with the smell of ozone, but as he
stepped
outside, Dave noticed the air was clearer, slightly humid.  He had
stepped from the realm of Washus' dimension, to his final destination.
Masaki Household, ground zero.

        The floor paneling was all wood, yet had no texture.  "Odd" he
thought.
 It was not smooth it was not rough, but it was there.  Ahead he saw a
large couch, yet it seemed less colorful than the surrounding objects.

        Then he remembered where he was.  One of the great laws of
animation(TM), had stated that objects in the background should be
painted less vibrantly in order to save time.  "Hmph, god is getting
lazy" he thought.  The walls had a flat look to them, while other objects
seemed to be in perfect symmetry, with an incredibly exaggerated style.

        "Hmm, I slipped into the TV version."  our hero mused.  "Why
couldn't I
get into an Akira style world?"  he thought, remembering his awe at the
attention to detail in the movie.  "Naw, way too 80's"

        Just then, he heard a sound.  A moaning, a familiar one.  The couch
suddenly had a bit more detail to it as something behind it shifted.
Rule #2: If an object is not in motion, see rule 1.  He had come to
realize this by watching many, many Looney Tunes shorts, and this couch
was in motion.

        A lock of bluish green hair crested above the couch, someone was
waking
up.  Dave just stood there, powerless to do anything.

        The tension in the air was so thick, you could cut it with a Light
Hawk
sword (But this being the TV version, we'll be having none of that!)

        The figure slowly rose, revealing her face, her chin, her bloodshot
eyes.  Bloodshot eyes?  This person was not the kind you'd like to wake
up with in the morning.

        "Ah, even Anime characters show the effects of staying up late!"
Dave
chuckled to himself.  But she was recognizable now.  Her slim shoulders.
Her neckline, barely visible.  Her perfectly formed chin.  Her
semi-perfect face (The morning had made it un-perfect).  As she rose up,
Dave's vision was yanked severely down to her chest area.  Her perfectly
rotund breasts showed daintily beneath her bluish clothing.

        Reassuring himself that he didn't want to turn into a hentai now,
Dave
forced himself to look away.

        Without the slightest hint of warning, the woman (Who we all know is
obviously Ryoko) opened her mouth to speak.  The same mouth that had been
violated by the minds of so many lemon writers,  was now his to gaze
into.  The detail of it was nothing more than your average cliche' Anime
mouth, so he didn't see what was the big deal.

        But then, something escaped from her lips.

"Tenchi?" Ryoko said a bit drearily.  Dave froze, his heart racing.
Again he was trapped.  Any normal person would have done anything but
what he did, but then again, Dave wasn't a normal person.

        In a bit of insane panic, he went forward on his first impulse, he
dashed out the door.

        He ran and ran and ran for what seemed like an eternity.  He ran
only
because he knew that if Ryoko came out of her daze and realized just who
it was, the kitten would have her lunch (So to speak).
***********************************************
        Ryoko's eyes were too slow this morning to follow his movement, be
she
did see him rush out the door.  "Classic Tenchi evasion maneuver"  she
said, wiping the sleepies(?) out of her eyes.  "Time to catch the mouse"
she said, leaping off of the couch.

        Ryoko did her usual phasing trick and was through the wall in no
time
flat.  There were quite a few advantages to being a Space Pirate/OVA
Demon with supernatural powers.  Meet interesting people, travel plenty,
blow up interesting sites, chase after your "interesting men"

        As Ryoko near to where Dave stood, she sensed something was wrong.
This
Tenchi was not the Tenchi she knew.  Blond Hair, Greenish eyes, He looked
about 15 or 16.  Something was definitely amiss.

        As she got closer, she realized it was not Tenchi at all.  Probably
some
stalker/pervert coming to spy on her divine form.  At this revelation,
Ryoko drew her energy blade from her hand and prepared to attack.  "Damn
perv" the Pirate thought as she prepared to strike.
        Dave turned just in time to see what he had least expected and had
surely not wanted.  Ryoko, energy blade drawn, mad as a hornet, was
flying towards him at amazing speed.
***********************************************
        "Ho...lee....crap" said Dave.  The thought of the pain that would
surely
come to him flashed through his mind.  He was too out of breath to run
anywhere, adding this to the fact that he was at the edge of the Masaki
lake.

        Just then, a little voice popped into his mind. (Note: This is where
Dave receives some telepathic messages.  /sentence\ represents thoughts
to Dave.  \sentence/ represents thoughts from Dave)

        /Need some help?\ The little voice asked.  \More than you can
imagine/
our hero "thought" back.  \Ever get that sinking feeling when you've got
a Rhinoceros coming at you?  That's coming to me now/

        /I've got just what the doctor ordered!!  A little defensive weapon
straight from me, to you!\

        "Finally, a fighting chance!  Just hope it gets here someday!!"
sneered
Dave at the voice.  Dave hands suddenly started to glow faintly, as
something materialized in his hands.  "Great!! I hope its a energy sword
or a rocket launcher or a..." his speech was cut short as the weapon
revealed itself to be....

        A TOMMY GUN!!!!!

        Dave just stared at the gun, which would be his last line of
defense.
He was feeling used.  He was expected to stop the most powerful person on
the Earth, with a circa-1920's submachine gun?!  He was feeling very
used.

        Too late to feel used.  The breath suddenly went out of him.  His
stomach felt like it had exploded.  Ryoko had gotten to him, and he had
taken it in the stomach.  He fell back in slow, cliche' anime style.  The
gun dropped from him, his last hope at life faded, as Ryoko stepped on
the gun, smashing it.

        "Crap" Dave thought.  "Now I won't even be alive to finish my
fanfic!!"
*********************************************
(Insert Robotech style announcer)
What kind of crap will Dave get into next?  Will Dave ever live to finish
his fanfic?  Will this story be ore than some cheap self-insertion
knockoff? Will Dave ever confess his true love to Ryoko?

Ryoko: What??!! This pervert LOVES me??!! Ewwwwww, I feel so dirty
Dave: Announcer, you're fired

Announcer leaves cursing like a drunken sailor

Dave:These questions and more will be answered in our next exciting
chapter: "Virtual Stupidity"

Questions?  Comments?  Death Threats?  Credit card numbers?
E-Mail me at davidjspokane@juno.com