Disclaimer. This be the part where I beg Pioneer/AIC's forgiveness for stealing their charcters and ruthlessly throwing them into a twisted situation. So, here we go: I don't own Tenchi, or any of the characters created by the makers of Tenchi Muyo!. Please don't sue me! A lot of these charcters ARE mine, though, and if you can't tell the difference, well shame on you, but here's a hint. My characters are the shallow and poorly developed ones. But, seriously. Notes. Hey, folks The Menace strikes again with another drawn-out epic serial fic type thingy. There's something you all should know, though: this fic is not as promising as Alternative World turned out to be. I started this before AW, and had pretty much abandoned it. But then I read it, figured it would make a half- decent first chapter and decided to let you, my adoring fans...erm, readers...decide for yourselves whether it sucked or was worth pursuing. So, this is the favor I'm asking of you: RESPOND!!! This is a fic that I will absolutely not bother wasting my time on continuing unless somebody wants to read it! So if you think it was lovely, let me know! If you think this was the lowest piece-of-shit, scum-licking,mud-dwelling stinker of a fanfic you have ever read, DO NOT HESITATE TO TELL ME SO IN AS MANY WORDS!!! Anyway, just read the damn fic. * * * Growing Up By The Menace Washuu * * * Tenchi stood and stared as the bus pulled away behind him. The Yokohama docks were full of life, even on such a day as this. The clouds hung low in the air, and rain dripped lazily in small drops from the granite sky. A droplet of water hung from Tenchi's nose. Tenchi had always wanted to be 'just a normal guy'. Now, here was his chance and he wasn't so sure he wanted to take it anymore. He thought about the girls. How defeated they looked when they turned their backs on him at the bus stop and went back to the house. He thought about how he got himself into this situation in the first place. -FLASHBACK- "Tenchi!" his grandfather barked from within the shrine, "Come in here!" Tenchi was always amazed at his grandfather's ability to sense the presence of others. He had a suspicion that it had something to do with Katsuhito's Juraian powers. Tenchi dismissed this thought. He propped his broom up against the side of the shrine before entering. As he ducked into the dim light of the shrine, he bowed his head and clapped his hands twice. Katsuhito did the same. "Tenchi, sit." Tenchi meant to say, "Good morning to you, too," but it came out as "Yes, grandpa." "I need to speak with you about a matter that could shape your future." thought Tenchi, But he simply said, "What is it, grandpa?" "I have an old friend, a terran. He's a sailor - well, actually, now he has his own ship. His name is Mr. Romaki." Tenchi nodded. "His ship carries cargo all around Japan, and even makes some stops in Korea. He needed some help on the ship this summer and I thought that perhaps this would be a good experience for you." "Grandpa, I -" "Think about it a little, Tenchi. It's only for three months, just over the summer. Then you can come back home and tend the carrots all you want." "But, Grandpa -" "Tenchi, you're always on about how you need a break. Well, here's your big chance." "I couldn't -" "Tenchi! Kami sama, you're dense! I wasn't giving you a choice! You're going to work on Romaki's ship this summer, and that's final!" A bead of sweat formed on Tenchi's head. "Why didn't you just say that in the first place?" "AAARGH! Never mind! You'd better start packing, the bus leaves tomorrow!" With that, his grandfather shoo-ed him out of the shrine. * * * The next day, Tenchi watched as the girls and his house slowly faded from view. Washuu and Katsuhito were the last to leave the bus stop. They watched the rickety bus disappear around the corner. "He'll be all right, won't he." Washuu made it more of a statement than a question. "Mmm." Katsuhito grunted in agreement. "But what about them?" Washuu looked over her shoulder at the girls, retreating sullenly into the house. "I guess we'll find out soon enough." "Mmm." -BACK TO THE PRESENT- Tenchi sighed. He decided he'd better find this Captain Romaki before the ship left. As Tenchi made his way through the hustle and bustle of the docks, he was jostled by harried sailors and frustrated little men pushing carts. His shoes were soaked through by the time he got to the ship. Tenchi wasn't entirely sure how one went about getting on to a ship. Of course, there was a ramp, but it didn't seem right to just walk right onto the ship without anybody knowing he was there. What was he supposed to do? Tenchi did the only thing he could think of. He knocked. "I'm comin', hold your water!" A gruff man stepped out onto the ramp where Tenchi was waiting. "Aye. You the new man?" The man examined Tenchi. His eyes never stared in quite the right direction, making it hard to tell who he was looking at. Tenchi got the impression that there was brilliance behind those disturbing eyes. It made Tenchi nervous. "I...um, I guess so. I'm Lord Katsuhito's grandson." The man's eyes went wide at this. "Aye, so this isTenchi! How is the old Shinto? Does he still have that stick up his ass?" The man laughed. Tenchi was a bit taken aback. "Erm...I guess so." The man laughed even harder. "So..." Tenchi began, "can you tell me where Captain Romaki is?" "Aye, it's just Cap'n to you swabbies." "Oh, I'm sorry, Captain! Erm...what should I do...?" Tenchi motioned to his bag. "Oh, ye can put that in your cabin. Sheri'll show ye the way." He turned back to the ship, "Oy, Sheri! Yer needed on deck!" And to Tenchi, "When yer settled in, the rest of the boys'll be overe there, at the bar." He nodded his head towards a brown building. "Whatcha want?" A girl about Tenchi's age popped up on deck from an unseen door. "Aye, Sheri, this is Tenchi Masaki. Tenchi, Sheri." Tenchi nodded and smiled at Sheri, who smiled back. "Sheri, show this swabby 'is room." "Aye." Sheri motioned for Tenchi to follow her. Moments later, they arrived at Tenchi's cabin. It was small and smelled of salt and seaweed, but it was warm and pleasant-looking. It would do. Tenchi noticed the bunk bed in the corner. "You'll be sharing with Ome." Tenchi thanked the girl, and she trotted off down the hall. He sat down on the bed, which was flimsy and gave a lot under his weight. The blanket was thin and rough, but thankfully he had packed one of his own. Tenchi decided he'd go and meet his mates at the bar in a few minutes. He laid back on the bottom bunk, staring at the underside of Ome's bed and wondering what was going on back home. * * * All of the girls (except Washuu) were gathered around the television. It was time for their favorite soap opera, 'As the Galaxy Spins', which was shown on the Jurai News Network, JNN. Of course, the only reason the Masaki's TV picked it up was because Washuu had constructed an enormous interstellar sattelite dish in the backyard. "Oh, Miramo, you're such a tease!" the lead actress cooed. The girls, who would normally have their eyes riveted to the screen, today seemed to be staring through it. Ayeka didn't even bother to cover Sasami's eyes when Miramo kissed Kitake. I didn't matter, because Sasami wasn't paying any attention to it anyway. This is what Washuu saw as she emerged from her closet slash private inter- dimensional laboratory. "What'd I miss?" she asked the rest of the gang as she approached. No one answered. "Hello? Hellooooo?" Still no reply. The girls continued to stare at the television screen, their thoughts elsewhere. Washuu circled around the couch and stood directly in front of the TV. No response. Were they dead? Nope, respiration seemed to be occurring normally. Unconcious? Not likely. Thinking about a certain love interest, and I don't mean the one on TV? Bingo. Washuu flicked the television off, but the crew didn't seem to notice. "Hmph." Washuu made her way to the kitchen and poured five extra-tall, extra-cold glasses of water. With the help of Ryo-ohki, she managed to dump all five glasses over all five heads simultaneously. Finally, she got a response. "WHO-O-O-AH!" Five bodies jumped five feet off of five seats on the couch. Five girls landed in five random locations in the living room, on five very sore rear-ends. Five faces glared daggers at the number one genius scientist in the universe. And she smiled back. "Good afternoon!" "What the hell?!" Ryoko hollered angrily, "Can't we even watch our soap opera without interruption?!" There were murmurs of agreement from the others. "I'm sorry, Little Ryoko," Washuu smiled as Ryoko's face got even redder, "you must have been enjoying your soap opera so much, and here I come along and interrupt you. But I only wanted to know what I missed!" Her face went really kawaii. "Can't you tell me what Miramo was doing today?" "He was...well, first he went...then...Kitake...and..." Washuu grinned from ear to ear. "You know what?" Ryoko sputtered, "SHUT UP!" "Who are you to tell Miss Washuu what to do, Ryoko?!" Ayeka chimed in, making things ever worse. Washuu stopped the fight before it had a chance to start. "What have you two got to fight about?" she pointed out, "Tenchi's not here anymore, remember?" This stopped them dead. The logs Ayeka had been powering up stopped glowing and fell to the floor, fading away. Ryoko's energy balls melted from sight. They both hung their heads. Washuu grimaced with a pang of guilt. "Hey, c'mon you guys, it's only a few months! It'll go by like that!" She snapped her fingers. Ayeka said nothing, climbing the stairs in silence. Washuu watched as she opened the door and disappeared into her room. Ryoko simultaneously faded from view. Well, fine, thought Washuu, if they wanted to wallow in self-pity that was their bussiness. Those two weren't the ones Washuu was worried about anyway. She knelt down next to the Second Crowned Princess of Jurai, who was still sprawled out on the floor where she fell. "What about you, Sasami? Are you okay?" Somehow, Sasami seemed to know exactly what Washuu was talking about. "I'm alright, Miss Washuu. I miss him, but you're right three months isn't so long in the scheme of things. Besides, this will give me a chance to grow up a little." Washuu chuckled. "Sasami, you must be the only one of us who doesn't need to grow up." Sasami looked puzzled, but didn't push the subject. * * * Tenchi ducked into the bar, which was poorly lit and smelled unpleasant. He preffered it to the outdoors, though, because while nature seemed determined to maintain its gloom, at least in the bar there was laughter. Tenchi made his way between tables of gambling sailors, some laughing and many more swearing. Lamps hung low over the tables, shedding just enough light for the gamblers to see their cards. This was a good defense, thought Tenchi, against cheating. Players couldn't see their opponents' cards if they tried. More than once, Tenchi stepped through a puddle of spilled beer, or some other odorous substance that didn't bear thinking about. Finally, he made his way to the counter. A grizzled old man kept the bar, grumbling at his customers and constantly wiping his hands on a dishrag at his waist. The rag was so old and filthy, Tenchi doubted if it was doing any good. He plopped down on a splintery barstool that wasn't quite balanced, next to a light-haired man who was laughing hysterically at something his friend had just said. Tenchi leaned away as the man convulsed with laughter. When he finally got a hold of himself, the man said something to his friend that Tenchi couldn't quite make out, but it sounded like, "We're being rude." He turned in his seat to face Tenchi. "Hello," he said to Tenchi, "You must be the new man." Tenchi nodded. "My name's Tenchi Masaki." "Nice to meet you, Tenchi. I'm Ome Sagami, and my friend's name is Taro." "Ome?" Now where had he heard that name before? "Oh! I'm sharing a room with you!" Ome's eyes went wide and Taro doubled over in laughter. "Bastard. I bet Romaki did that on purpose," Ome muttered. Taro sputtered out an explaination through his gasping guffaws. "Ome's been...ho ho ha!...bragging about...hee hee!..his own private room since...HA! HA! HA!...since we pulled into dock last week! HA! HA! HA!" "I tell you," Ome finished for his friend, now weeping with laughter, "Romaki has it out for me. Kami, Taro, it wasn't that funny!" "I'm sorry," Tenchi said, "I'll request to be moved, if you like." "Oh, no, mate, it's not your fault! I'm glad t' have you! And besides," Ome grimaced, "Romaki wouldn't move you if you asked. He'd think I put you up to it. Bastard." Tenchi chuckled. "Anyway," Ome continued, now hollering to the bartender, "How's about we get a fifth for our new friend, Tenchi?" "Oh, no! Please, I'm fine!" "My ass. Nobody's fine until they've downed a fifth, mate. C'mon, Jago, fetch us a beer, old man!" Jago, as Tenchi now knew him, shot Ome a withering glare, muttering under his breath. Ome just laughed. "So," Ome began when the drinks arrived, "What do you do? On land, I mean." "I work on a Shinto shrine. What about you?" Tenchi quickly took the attention away from himself, not wanting to reveal too much about his homelife. Besides, Ome seemed like the kind of guy that would talk about himself for hours when given the opportunity. "I write songs. 'Course I do that at sea, too. In fact, I do it mostly at sea. Good inspiration, you know?" Tenchi didn't know. He had no clue about songwriting or inspiration, or anything poetic. He nodded. "Other than that, I don't know why I stay out at sea. Well, my Dad was a sailor. And before that, my Grandpa was a fisherman. I guess the sea's in my veins...hmm." Ome grabbed a cocktail napkin and jotted something down. "What about your family? Any of you priests ever sail?" "I guess you could say my grandfather was a sailor." It was true. Tenchi didn't feel a pressing need to point out the fact that Katsuhito sailed a spaceship and not a boat. "Ah!" Ome's eyes brightened as he pulled out his cocktail napkin again, "The son of a son of a sailor!" "Actually, he's my Mom's father." "Whatever. My version sounds better." Tenchi laughed, and so did Ome. "After a few of these," Tenchi waved his mug of beer, "I'll bet I wouldn't know the difference anyway!" "Damn skippy," said Ome, and they laughed some more. They were still laughing when Sheri burst into the bar. "All right, lads!" she cried, "The Cap'n wants you all back on the ship!" There was much groaning from the gambling tables. "He didn't mention specific punishments this time, but that only means he's still inventing them! I'd haul ass if I were you!" Tenchi stood up immediately and started for the door, but Ome grabbed his sleeve and sat him back down. Tenchi began to protest. "Tenchi," Ome explained, "Sheri speaks for the Captain. And when the Captain tells you to haul ass, what he really means is 'finish your beer or your round of cards, and then haul ass.' You've got to learn to read him right." Tenchi wasn't so sure. Most of the other sailors were already headed out the door. "I don't know, Ome, every one else seems to -" "Who you gonna believe, everyone else, or me? Don't answer that. But, seriously, Tenchi, trust me on this. We've got a good ten minutes before Romaki raises hell." "SAGAMI!" The voice of Captain Romaki boomed from the door. "Of course, my estimates are a little off from time to time." "Just as I suspected! Corrupting the new Swabby on his first day! GET YER ASS BACK ON THAT SHIP!!!" The captain's face was a mask of rage, but there was a gleam in his misfocused eye that gave Tenchi the impression he was having fun. Ome yanked Tenchi to his feet, making a sharp salute. "Aye, sir!" Tenchi and Ome made for the door. Romaki let Tenchi out, but stopped Ome in the doorway. "What did I tell you about corrupting the swabbies, Sagami?!" Ome grinned. "That protocol demands I give them a day to settle in?" "YE KNOW DAMN WELL THAT IS NOT WHAT I SAID!" "Aye, sir!" "If you don't have your ass on that ship in thirty seconds, I'll mutiny!" "But you're the captain, sir!" "DID I DIRECT YE TO SPEAK?!" There was a giggle from behind Tenchi. He turned around to see Sheri laughing so hard she had to brace herself on a wooden crate. "What's so funny?" he asked. How could she be laughing? Ome was about to have his head ripped off by an enraged Captain Romaki! "Can't you tell?" she asked. Tenchi poked his head around the door frame and squinted back into the bar. Ome and the Captain were arguing with as much heat as ever. But, still there was that gleam in their eyes... Tenchi was beginning to think it was just an act. "It is," Sheri replied to his thoughts. To his what?! Tenchi looked at Sheri. She hadn't just...had she? She couldn't simply...could she? Sheri didn't notice he was staring at her. "They do this all the time. It's just their way of having a friendly conversation." She laughed again. Tenchi shook his head and wiped those last thoughts from his brain. She must've read the look on his face. That was it. Tenchi did tend to be overly expressive. Tenchi chuckled to himself. Reading minds, ha! He promptly forgot about it. "Oops," Sheri muttered, "It looks like they're wrapping it up. We'd better get back to the ship!" "What?" "Come on!" Sheri grabbed Tenchi's sleeve, a sleeve that seemed to be taking a beating today. Tenchi stumbled along, Sheri half-dragging him back through the crowd towards the ship. Tenchi called out apologies to the various people he bumped as he went. At one point, they ran straight into a cart full of pears that an old man was pushing. The cart toppled over and the pears rolled into the mud. "Hey! Waddaya think yer doin?!" the old man swore quite a bit and chased them a short way, waving his skinny fist in the air. When Sheri and Tenchi finally reached the ship, they both fell over laughing. "Did you see that guy?" Sheri clutched her side, still laughing. Tenchi screwed up his face and stuck out his front teeth, doing a credible imitation of the old fellow, "Heh," Tenchi squawked, "Wadja tink yer doon?" Sheri, who had already been laughing, now looked like she was having a violent seizure. She was curled upon the floor, squealing like a hyena. Tenchi was gasping for breath. Eventually, the laughing subsided. "Heh, heh, he...oh shit." Tenchi spun around to see Captain Romaki glaring evilly at them. Ome was standing behind the captain, peering over Romaki's shoulder with his eyes crossed. Sheri snorted with poorly-concealed laughter. Without looking, Romaki reached over his head and grabbed Ome's ear. "Yah-ha-heoooow!" "Maybe the two of ye oughta git to yer quarters." "Aye, sir." Tenchi did his best to salute. Ome, whose ear was still being twisted wasn't doing so well. "Ay-aye-yow, yessir!" Ome and Tenchi retreated to the room as fast as was humanly possible. Sheri shot him an apologetic look as they fled. When they got to their room, they both flopped onto their beds. Ome started to laugh. "Ome?" Tenchi needed to clear something up. "Yeah?" "Is the Captain...well..." "Utterly out of his mind? No. But not far from it." Ome chuckled again. "That's just his way of showing you he cares-" Tenchi arched an eyebrow "-I know. It's weird. He really is a nice guy, though. You just have to know how to read him." Tenchi had his doubts, but he kept them to himself. It was going to be an interesting three months. Suddenly, Ome lept from his bunk. "I'm going to be the first to the bathroom tonight! Ah ha ha ha ha!" He whipped out the door and it shut with a bang. Tenchi laid back on his bed. A smile broke out on his face. Maybe three months wasn't so long after all. * * * End Chapter One * * * Notes. I just thougth I should let you know that this fic was inspired (literally, spawned, in its entirety, from nothingness) by Jimmy Buffet's song "Son of a Son of a Sailor". Some of you may have noticed that phrase used by Ome (who just happens to be the songwriter, wink, wink). I was planning to use that song in the fic, as something that Ome and the crew write and sing. Corny idea? Don't think I can pull it off? Well, maybe I can't. Let me know if you think it's a bad idea. Drop me a line at my NEW e-mail address The_Menace_Washuu@yahoo.com(there are underscores between words). Peace. -Menace OUT