"Tenchi Muyo" and some or all characters are owned by Pioneer. This story is a product of
my own warped imagination.  NOTE: If you read this before it was updated, I apologize just
as Kevin Costner should have apologized to everyone who saw Waterworld.  With this update,
I have tried to make the first chapter longer, and actually tolerable.

                          Tenchi Muyo!
                     No Need for Censorship
                         by Tom Vogler
                      Chapter 1: It Starts

     It was a breezy summer day at the Masaki Shrine.  The wind blew softly through the
trees, stirring up the leaves as it went.  Wind chimes rang from various places around the
shrine.  Every now and then, the cicadas would let out their communal roar, which was
almost so loud as to drown out all else.  All in all, there was an air of calm.  But, it was a calm
of subtle uneasiness... as if something was about to take place.

     The shrine was well-known for its serene atmosphere, and this attracted the occasional
worshiper or tourist.  This day, however, was as it usually was: boring.

     This was one of many complaints going through Tenchi Masaki's mind as he swept
the sidewalk leading up to the temple.  He and his father were staying with his grandfather,
the shrine-keeper, and Tenchi, being the youngest, was enlisted for menial labor around the
shrine.  "What a summer," he muttered as he worked, sweat literally pouring off of his face. 
"No friends, no tv, no fun."

     "Tenchi!!" came the elderly-sounding shout from the trail at the bottom of the hill.

     "Yes, grandpa?"

     "It's time for your lesson!"

     Tenchi, overjoyed at the prospect of leaving behind his broom, bounded down the
steps to greet his grandfather, Katsuhito, at the bottom.  However, Tenchi's feet and a long
flight of stairs were not good bedfellows.  About halfway down, the boy's left foot decided
to tackle the right.  Before Tenchi knew it, he was tumbling down the rest of the way.  He
landed with a thud at Katsuhito's feet.  

     "Very graceful, lad," his grandfather said.  "I can already see the makings of a great
warrior in you."

     "Really?"  Tenchi asked, with a mixture of shock and eagerness.

     "No," the old fellow said, rolling his eyes a bit.

     "Grandpa, are we actually going to train today, or is it 'National Tenchi Belittling
Day'?"

     "Oh, give an old man a break, Tenchi!  Even the elderly need to have SOME fun!"
Katsuhito replied, a slight smirk on his face.  "Now, as for your training, let's get started.  To
the training grounds!"

     The two went to the training grounds, which was in the middle of a wooded area with 
large rocks scattered around the area.  Secluded as it was, the only sounds one could hear
there were their own breath, a waterfall off in the distance, and the many wind chimes.  A
small cave was off to the side, closed off with iron gates. 

     Katsuhito stopped in the center of the training grounds, then turned around to face his
grandson.  Tenchi asked, "Grandpa, where's my training staff?"

     The old man looked at him and said, "You will no longer be using the staff.  You are
now ready for this."  He held up an ornate sword handle.  It appeared to be bronze, though
it was quite rusty.  The design of a dragon ran the length of it on one side, and the other side
bore an inscription using letters the likes of which Tenchi had never seen before.  They
seemed almost otherworldly.  

     Tenchi did not know what to say.  "Umm, thank you.  But, there's no sword.  It's just
a handle."

     "Things are not always as they seem, my boy."  Katsuhito clutched the sword with
both hands, his thumb resting on the dragon's head and his other fingers on the inscription,
and a beam of light resonated from the handle, forming a sword.

     "Wow.  That looks just like a lightsaber!"

     "Yes... 'looks like'...  This once belonged to your ancestor, Yosho.  Seven centuries
ago, he fought against the demon Ryoko and upon his victory, imprisoned her in that cave
over there."  He gestured to a cave about a hundred yards past the edge of the training
grounds, barely visible through the foliage. He looked back to see his grandson deep in
thought.  "What's the matter?"

     "It just seems like this whole situation was stolen from Star Wars."

     "Nonsense!  Now finish your exercises so you can write to your Uncle Owen and Aunt
Beru."

     Tenchi set to work on his exercises.  His techniques seemed to borrow from all kinds
of fighting styles, like that of the samurai, karate, and even European fencing.  Since he had
been learning these moves since he was ten, he had actually gotten pretty good at them,
except for those times  when his clumsiness would rear its ugly head.  After Tenchi had spent
the better part of a half hour practicing, one of those times occurred.  Tenchi leapt into the
air to slash at the training dummy, but got a cramp in mid-air, crashing down at the foot of
the dummy, which naturally proceeded to crash down on him.  He had, as the kids at his
school loved to say, pulled a "Tenchi".

     From his angle on the ground, Tenchi noticed something strange.  His grandfather was
walking toward the cave.  The old fellow stopped at the gate which prevented entry to the
cave.  He then touched the bars of the gate in a certain order, and to Tenchi's surprise, they
opened and the shrine-keeper disappeared into the blackness.  Tenchi stood watching the
cave, puzzled, for what seemed like an eternity.  He could not figure out what was going on. 
 
     Eventually, Katsuhito came out of the cave, snapped his fingers, and the bars closed
behind him.  He started back over toward the training area.  Tenchi decided to act like he had
been training the entire time.  "Tenchi, I'm going back to the shrine!  Keep at it until I call
you for dinner!"  If he had been paying attention, he would have seen right through his
grandson's facade, due to the profuse sweating or the conspicuous "I'm innnocent" grin.

     With prying eyes no longer about him,  Tenchi walked up to the gate and peered
through, but all he could see was blackness.  "I wonder if there really is a demon in there."

     He decided to find out for himself.  He stood back and examined the bars.  He pushed
against them.  No luck.  The weren't going to budge.  He then remembered how his
grandfather had done something to open them.  "Now, how did grandpa do it?" He tapped
a bar with his hand.  Nothing happened.  Tenchi then tried crossing his first two fingers and
using them to tap the bar.  The bar glowed for a moment and a tone resonated from inside it. 
"Aha.   I guess that's how.  But in what order?"  He tried to ponder just what order of taps
could open the bars.  After a few educated guesses, he shrugged his shoulders and began
smacking the bars wildly.  Even this had no results.  A fed up Tenchi let out a loud groan,
and leaned forward onto the bars, arms outstretched.

     It was to Tenchi's surprise that at this, the gate swung open, leaving a clear path to
discovering the secret of the shrine.  He took a deep breath, crossed himself, picked up the
sword handle, and stepped inside the entrance to the demon's tomb.

     And as the darkness of the cave enveloped Tenchi, Katsuhito chuckled to himself. 
He had been watching the whole thing from the cover of the shrubbery on the other side of
the training grounds.  He took one last look at the now open gate before departing for the
house.  "He has my spirit in him, all right."

     It was dark inside the cave; too dark.  It was the kind of thick, swirling, mind bending
darkness in which Tenchi could not see his own hand in front of his face.  All he could tell
was that he was walking through a narrow tunnel with a downward slope.  As he slowly crept
through the passageway, he heard the echo of his footsteps and water dripping somewhere
in the distance.  Yes, they were the stereotypical sounds for a cave, but Tenchi was uneasy,
nonetheless.  

     Some things were very strange.  The air, for a cave, was not musty at all. The air
smelled oddly fresh, as if it was always flowing.  The swirling darkness seemed to have a
mind of its own; seeming to wrap around him and lead him forward.  "Man, this place gives
me the creeps," Tenchi muttered aloud to no one in particular.

     After walking for what seemed like forever, Tenchi saw a bluish light up ahead.  As
he approached it, he saw that the light came from a lit chamber.  Upon entering the small
room, he glanced around, taking note of his surroundings.  The light was provided by two
odd, glowing blue orbs on pedestals.  All around the walls were carvings; pictures of dragons
and soldiers, and strange letters that Tenchi did not understand.  In the center of the room
was a large metal case, also with odd hieroglyphics carved on it.  Actually, both the letters
on the wall and those on the case looked quite similar to those on the sword handle.  

     Tenchi moved closer to the case to examine it.  "I wonder if this is it..."  The case had
a strange groove on it.  The pattern on the groove actually reminded Tenchi of the one on the
sword.  "The sword!  I forgot!  I still have it with me," Tenchi realized.  As he looked at the
sword and at the groove in the case, it dawned on him that the two were exactly alike.  He
thought for a moment, then he placed the sword in the groove.  It was a perfect fit.

     Suddenly, the hieroglyphics on the case glowed brightly; so brightly, that Tenchi's
eyes began to ache.  A vibration began to rise up, growing steadily until the entire chamber
was shaking.  "I think I'm in trouble."

     Then, without warning, a loud, gut-wrenching sound echoed throughout the chamber. 
Tenchi held his ears, wincing in pain.  "Oh, God!  It's like an Anne Murray concert!" he
croaked.  The noise seemed to be tearing him apart, molecule by molecule.  When the
offending noise let down a bit, he bolted for the tunnel that led back outside, running as fast
as his legs could carry him.

     As Tenchi ran, something made him look back over his shoulder.  And what a
frightening sight was there to greet his eyes when he did.  A strange light was making its way
out of the cave through the passageway, following him.  It looked quite menacing as it bore
down on the hapless boy, though under those circumstances, even a bunny rabbit would look
ominous.  It almost seemed alive.  The light moved fast, too.  No matter how swiftly Tenchi
ran, the light continued to gain on him.  On top of that, the tunnel now seemed about five
miles longer than it had previously been, though that was just the fatigue setting in.

     At long last, Tenchi burst into the daylight like a bat out of hell, collapsing from
exhaustion.  He would have breathed a sigh of relief, but he never got the chance, as the
moment he looked up, the terrible light came rushing out of the cave, straight at him.  Tenchi
attempted to scream, but no sound departed his mouth.  By that time, the light was upon him. 
                      *******************

     A soft breeze was blowing in gently through the window, lifting the curtains up.  It
was a cool, soothing wind.   Tenchi yawned as he sat up in bed, but then he shivered.  The
breeze was actually making the room quite cold.   He looked over at the clock, not sure even
what day it was.  He saw that it was past midnight.  "Wow, was that ever a strange dream,"
he said.

     But then Tenchi stopped.  He had strange dreams rather frequently, but this one was
different.  He sat in bed for a while, turning it over and over again in his mind.  It had seemed
far too real to be just a dream.  But it had to be a  dream, though....didn't it?  He decided to
get up; forget about the whole thing for a while.

     As Tenchi tried to lift himself from his bed, a sharp pain came from his back and
shoulders.  He attempted to move a second time, only to have the same burning sensation. 
He staggered, groaning, to the bathroom to examine his back and shoulders in the mirror,
only to find that he was bruised all over the place.  "Jeez.  What could have done this?" he
wondered.

     Slowly and carefully, he made his way downstairs, where he found his father and
grandfather watching television.  Neither one  noticed him, despite his grunts and groans and
the creaking of the steps.  His father was gawking at an issue out of his library of dirty
magazines, and his grandfather was reading one of his old manga books.  

     Tenchi plunked down on the couch and breathed a long sigh of relief.  He tilted his
head back and stared at the ceiling, still shaken by his nightmare.  The three sat there in
silence for a few moments, the only sounds being David Letterman's Top Ten List on the
televison, and the tearing sound of Tenchi's father, Noboyuki, trying to turn the pages of his
magazine, which were stuck together for reasons best left to the imagination.

     Noboyuki, suddenly aware of his son's presence, looked at him over the previous
month's centerfold, which was a woman from one of those stupid reality shows, for a
moment and asked, "What's wrong, Tenchi?  Did you have another bad dream?"

     "You could say that."

     His grandfather closed his comic book to think for a moment, and said, "Dreams can
be omens of events to come, of change.  Perhaps your dream could mean you are afraid.  Fear
leads to anger.  Anger leads to hate.  Hate leads to suffering, and..."

     Tenchi was so relieved.  What his grandfather said, and was still saying even though
Tenchi had ceased listening thirty seconds prior, was true, albeit fodder for a lawsuit from
George Lucas.  It had all been a dream.  No menacing light had followed him from the cave,
enveloping his body.  He'd never even broken into the demon's tomb.  He must have gotten
those bruises while doing his exercises the day before.  He'd just forgotten.

     Now smiling, Tenchi got up (the pain had diminished quite a bit), and started for the
stairs.  "Goodnight Grampa.  Goodnight, Dad."

     "Oh,  Tenchi?"  Katsuhito added.  "Before you go back to bed, go close up the cave
gate.  You left it open when you passed out."

     Noboyuki asked, "What's wrong, son?  All of a sudden, you look very pale."

     Tenchi, whose stomach was now in a knot, asked, "I...I passed out?"

     "You sure did," Noboyuki replied.  "It was hell for your grandfather and I; carrying
you all the way up to your bed!  You've put on some pounds over the summer!"

     Katsuhito had a serious expression, though it was quite clear he was using all his
might to conceal a smirk. "So you tried to go into the cave, did you?  Don't worry.  I'm not
angry.  I know that you're a smart young man.  You wouldn't have been stupid enough to put
the sword handle into the sarcophagus, after all I've told you about the demon trapped inside
there."

     Tenchi put on his best grin.  "Um...yeah, Grandpa..."
                        ****************

     The sky was lit up with a shimmering blanket of stars.  Everything around was bathed
in a soft , blueish light.  The breeze, now a little stronger, still blew through the trees, ringing
the many wind chimes around the shrine.

     Of course, Tenchi wasn't paying attention to any of this.  He was walking in a daze,
trying to piece together the odd events of that day.  This, of course, caused him to stumble
quite a bit on the path to the cave, but it wasn't like it was anything new.

     When he arrived at  the cave, he started for the gate to close it, but it had already been
shut.  "I guess Grandpa closed it and forgot.  Oh well."  He breathed a heavy sigh, as he was
both tired and confused, then turned and started back for home.

     The breeze began to pick up a bit more.  There was something odd about it, though. 
 It was almost as if it was speaking to him.  It seemed to be calling his name, ever so softly. 
"Tenchi......"  Tenchi looked around, quite shaken.  It had certainly sounded like someone
was calling him.  He was about to conclude that it was just his imagination, but then he heard
it again.  It was a girl's voice.  He was sure of it.  He heard the voice in his left ear, then his
right.  Each time, Tenchi jerked his head to see who it was, but saw nothing.  Then it was
right behind him.

     The voice called, "Hey Tenchi!  Behind you!"

     Tenchi spun around.  Standing there was a girl of about his age.  She was very pretty,
with bluish silver hair and yellow cat-like eyes that almost seemed to glow.  For some reason,
she also had a tail.  Without hesitation, she ran toward him.

     "Tenchi!  You have to help me!  I was just walking along, minding my own business,
and some huge monster came out of that cave and tried to eat me!"  At that, she flung her
arms around his neck, pinning him against a tree.  "I know a big strong guy like you could
protect me!"

     Needless to say, Tenchi's mind was frazzled, as any other guy's would be.  He
regained his senses after a moment or two.  He could tell she was frightened, mainly because
her arms were locked around his neck so tight, he could barely breathe.  "H-how did you get
into the cave?"

     "It was open.  I was curious, so I went in," the girl said.  "But then I heard a horrible
noise and the monster ran at me!  I got out as fast as I could and pulled the gate shut!"

     Tenchi then looked down, and noticed that she had a cut on her arm.  "How did you
get that?" he inquired, pointing to her injury.

     "Oh!  I must have done that when I dove out of the cave.  I didn't even know I had it
until now."

     Tenchi said, "Well, let's go to my house. We'll get you fixed up there."

     He began to walk back to the house, but the girl hesitated a bit.

     "What's wrong?" Tenchi asked.

     "Oh, um... nothing."

     The two began the hike back to the Masaki home.  Tenchi's mind wandered as they
walked, but then something occurred to him.

     "Hey, how exactly do you know my name?"

     The girl looked stunned for a moment.  "Umm... I....uh.....read it in the brochure."

     "What brochure?"

     "The brochure for the shrine!  All tourist places have brochures.  Didn't you know
that?"

     "Um, no, I suppose not."  Tenchi felt a bit suspicious, but decided not to say anything
further about it.

     After what seemed like an eternity of walking, in silence, they reached the house. 
Tenchi took a moment to caution the girl about not being too loud, as it was quite late.

     Upon seeing his son quietly slip in the door with an attractive young lady, Noboyuki
jumped to his feet in jubilation.  "The fruit of my loins has become a man, at last!"

     Needless to say, Tenchi was embarrassed, angry, and petrified all at once.  But before
he could speak up to his defense, his father was already making an ass of himself (and
Tenchi, for that matter), greeting the girl.

     "I see Tenchi has finally taken an interest in the fairer sex!  And it looks like he has
fine taste!"  He then stepped over to Tenchi and nudged him with his elbow, adding, "Just
like your old man, eh?!" 

     Noboyuki returned his attention to the young woman.  "Well, you can stay here with
us for as long as you like!  What's your name?"

     The girl stepped back and bowed.  "My name is Ryo.  I am very pleased that you
welcome me into your home, father!"

     Noboyuki glanced back, wide-eyed, at Katsuhito, who was still sitting on the couch,
and mouthed the words, "She called me 'father'!"  The elderly man just sat there with a smug
expression on his face, as if he knew something but had decided not to share it with the rest
of the world.

     Something really struck Tenchi as odd about the situation.  Ryo, though very polite
and dignified, seemed really phony, at least to Tenchi.  If she was, in fact, lying, her acting
skills were terrible.  Even a casting agent for a Pauly Shore movie would tell her, "Don't call
us.  We'll call you."

     Katsuhito looked at the three standing by the door.  "You can stay the night, Miss Ryo,
but I think you should take Tenchi's bed.  Tenchi, you take the couch.  You two are not
married, after all."

     "Jeez, Grampa!!" gasped the mortified teenager.

     The two men shortly went off to bed.  Ryo was about head for Tenchi's room, but she
saw that Tenchi was engaged in a fierce battle to pull the hide-a-bed out of the sofa.  She
bounded down the stairs.  "Here, Tenchi!  Let me help you!"

     Before he could object, the girl nudged Tenchi aside, then proceeded to pull furiously
on the sofa, which obstinately held its position.  She was obviously straining.  She broke a
sweat, and her tail began thrashing about violently.  As she labored over the sofa, various
grunts and curses spewed forth from her mouth.

     "Urrgh!! Dammit!!  Unnggh!!!  Come ON Ryoko, you can do this!"

     She stopped for a moment, let go of the couch, and quickly looked at Tenchi, her
mouth hanging open.

     After a split second, Tenchi realized what had just happened.  "Ryoko?  Wait a
minute!  Isn't that..."

     "NO!!  I didn't say Ryoko!  I said Ryu.. No, Rya!  No Roy!  No, Royoko.  Ryo!  Ryoko! 
Oh, FUCK!!!"

                                              To be continued....