Tenchi is the property of AIC and Pioneer. This fic takes place in the same universe as one of my earlier fics, “Tenchi Makes His Choice...Enter Kiyone.” Noboyuki's Quest "Ugh! I can't believe this place!" Aeka remarked, holding up a pair of old gym shorts while pinching her nose with the other hand. "When do you suppose was the last time Noboyuki cleaned out this attic?" "Years, it looks like," Kiyone replied, moving some boxes. "All right, Noboyuki!" Ryoko cried, holding up an unopened bottle of scotch with dust all over it. She blew the dust off and read the date. "Sixteen years old! Lucky!" "Oh, goody," Aeka grumbled. "His hentai collection." "Ewww!" Mihoshi exclaimed. "Who reads this stuff?!" Aeka asked in disbelief, shaking her head while gathering up the magazines. "Playpen, Penthouse..." She picked one up. "Crack Whore Magazine?!" "Heh, who's on the cover?" Ryoko asked in jest. "Is it Kiyone?" Mihoshi asked. "Oh, very funny, Mihoshi," Kiyone grumbled. Aeka's eyes went wide in shock. "IT *IS* KIYONE!" "WHAT?!" Kiyone flew over some boxes and grabbed the magazine from the princess' grasp. She looked at the cover in shock. It was her! Sitting in the bath with her hair up and one leg sticking out of the water. "WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?!" she cried. She looked down at the corner of the magazine and saw the writing there read, 'Submitted by Noboyuki Masaki.' "I'LL KILL HIM!!!!!!!!!" she screamed and ran downstairs. Tenchi sighed as he polished his sword. "Are you sure I can't help, Tenchi?" Sasami asked politely. "Sure, Sasami," he said. "Grab the end there and rub some of this solution into it." "Yay!" the princess cried as she rushed to obey. At that time, Kiyone and the other girls appeared in the doorway of the kitchen. Tenchi put the samurai sword and the cloth he had been polishing it with down and turned to them. Kiyone looked pissed... "Um...Something wrong?" Tenchi asked. "Tenchi....Where's your scumbag father?" Kiyone asked quietly. Tenchi paused. "Why?" "Because," Kiyone began, "I want to crack his skull open with a ballpeen hammer and remove his brain with an icecream scoop!" ".............He's upstairs taking a bath," Tenchi told them seriously. Kiyone grabbed him by the arm and led him upstairs. She pushed him towards the bathroom door. "Open it," she ordered cruelly. Tenchi sighed, unsure of just what his father had done, and opened the bathroom door. Noboyuki was luxuriating in the bath after a hard day at the office. "Ah, Tenchi! Is something wrong?" Kiyone stepped inside, pushed Tenchi out of the way, and held up the magazine. "AUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Noboyuki screamed and scrambled out of the tub, making a dash for the window. In seconds a yo yo had wrapped around his naked legs. The architect tripped and landed face first onto the bathroom tile. He groaned in pain, then started to scream like a freshman cheerleader as Kiyone began reeling him like a hooked swordfish. "PLEASE, KIYONE! DON'T KILL ME! I HAD A GOOD REASON! I SWEAR TO GOD!" Kiyone flipped him onto his back and planted her foot on his throat. "You slimy, perverted, piece of worm-ridden filth!" she hissed, applying pressure to his throat. Noboyuki gagged. Sasami stepped into the bathroom with the others to see what was going on. She saw Noboyuki nude on the tile with Kiyone standing on his throat and blushed, turning away. "SASAMI!" Aeka cried, covering the girl's eyes. Kiyone, meanwhile, was interrogating Noboyuki. "A good reason?" she hissed. "A GOOD REASON?!" "YES! YES! I SWEAR!" She held the magazine in front of his face. "Did this picture bring Achika back to life?!" Noboyuki looked confused. "No?" "Did it keep the galaxy from exploding?!" "Er...Not that I know of..." She drew her blaster and pointed it down at him. "YOU JUST RAN OUT OF ACCEPTABLE REASONS!" She clicked the safety off. Noboyuki began squealing again. "Wait, Kiyone!" Tenchi cried, pushing his way forward. "You can't just kill him!" "I'm not going to kill him," Kiyone said quietly. "I'm going to blow his fingers off one by one..." Noboyuki squealed louder in fear. "Kiyone!" Mihoshi cried. "Wait! Isn't he entitled to a fair trial?!" "NOT A FUCKING CHANCE!" Kiyone screamed. "He's innocent until proven guilty!" the blonde continued. Kiyone turned to her and held the magazine up again, pointing at Noboyuki's name in the bottom corner. Mihoshi paused for a minute, then turned to Noboyuki. "Sorry, Mister Masaki. I went to bat for you..." "AIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!" Noboyuki wept hysterically. "Don't you want to know *why* he did it?" Tenchi asked, Kiyone. "Well, I wanna know," Ryoko said. Kiyone thought for a moment. She holstered her blaster and bent down, grabbing the architect by the throat, hoisting him to his feet and pushing him roughly against the wall. "Okay, pervert! They just bought you ten minutes! Start talking!" "Well," he started, "It all began three months ago..." "OUT OF MONEY?!" Noboyuki exclaimed in shock. "FORECLOSING?!" Sitting before him, Katsuhito nodded silently and sipped at his tea. "Recently, the shrine has faced severe financial trouble. I had to get loans from the Bank of Japan, and now, they're threatening to foreclose." "That's awful, Father," Noboyuki said. "Yes...." Katsuhito replied. He put his tea cup down. "So what are you going to do about it?" "WHAT?!" Katsuhito nodded. "As my son-in-law, it is your responsibility to take care of the financial burdens of this family." "HUH?!" Katsuhito handed him some documents. "It's all here. They want their money in two weeks." "WHAT?!" "Good luck, my son-in-law, Katsuhito said sagely and stood up. "Wait!" Noboyuki cried. "I know what this is! Tenchi and Aeka told me about it! YOU'RE FOISTING OFF YOUR RESPONSIBILITIES ON ME JUST LIKE YOU TRIED TO DO TO THEM!!" Katsuhito paused in his tracks. "Remember, Son-in-law, 'the bird that flies above his destiny reaps great rewards...'" "Don't give me that! That doesn't mean anything! You just made it up!" Katsuhito said nothing for a moment, then... "Bye!" With that, he ran out the door. Noboyuki blinked and looked down at the papers. "What am I going to do?" "Oh, I see," Kiyone said sarcastically, poking Noboyuki in the gut with her blaster. "And the solution is obvious. KIYONE PORN!!" "WAIT! I'm not finished," Noboyuki whimpered... "Hmmm..." Noboyuki thought. "There's not enough in the savings to even come close," he whispered. "And I don't want to dip into Tenchi's college fund. What am I going to do?" He said all this as he walked down main street Okayama. He stopped outside a McInverse fast food restauraunt and looked inside. There was a sign up. "BE A PART OF THE MCINVERSE TEAM! FULL AND PART TIME POSITIONS AVAILABLE!" "That's it!" Noboyuki cried. "I'll just get a second job and earn the money that way!" He rushed inside. "Hello, welcome to McInverse," Noboyuki said with a sigh at the front counter. "Can I take your order please?" He put his hand up and scratched under the paper hat they made him wear. "Damn, Mister Masaki!" the customer exclaimed. "The design firm lay you off or something?" Noboyuki blinked. "Akio?" Akio Yasuda, Tenchi's friend from school, stood on the other side of the counter, holding his wallet. Noboyuki remembered that Akio was a good friend of Tenchi's, and he had often hoped that some of Akio's...er...boldness with women...would rub off on his son. He had tried to help Tenchi out during his brief courtship with Kiyone two months before, and he knew that the boy was a good and loyal kid. Akio just shook his head. "Wow, you design *one* building that collapses, and they can you...What happened to employer loyalty?" "I told you!" Noboyuki cried, "That was the earthquake! Not my design!" "So what are you doing here?" the boy asked. "Hey! Come on!" the guy behind Akio cried. "Let's go here, huh?!" Akio turned to him and put a finger to his lips. "SHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!" Spittle hit the man in the face. Content that the man wouldn't interrupt again, Akio turned back to Noboyuki. Noboyuki sighed and quickly explained the problem to Akio. "And you think you're going to make that much working here for minimum wage?" Akio asked, blinking. "Shit, man, you should've just come to my uncle's bar! He'd have given you a job where you get to keep the tips and a bottle for yourself every night!" "C'mon, I'm hungry here!" Akio turned again. "You want to turn this into something *physical*?" he asked, puffing up his chest and glaring at the man. The man said nothing. "Didn't think so..." He turned back to Noboyuki, who sighed. "I don't know what to do," the architect said. "I need a plan." Akio smiled. "You a gambling man, Mister Masaki?" "I play penny poker," Noboyuki told him. "Close enough," Akio told him, scribbling a number on a napkin. "This is the number of my bookie. He gives good odds. If you're smart, you can make your money in no time!" "Hmmmm," Noboyuki said, pocketing the number. "I'm not sure." "Whatever you decide to do, good luck, Mister Masaki." "Thanks, Akio." "Oh, and get me some Golem Goulash and a Xellos the Mysterious Pie to go." Noboyuki put the order in and sighed. "Cut the crap!" Kiyone ordered. "You're just stalling! This has nothing to do with you taking naked pictures of me!" "It does! It does! I swear! I'm getting to it!" Noboyuki cried. "Anyway, I probably would've kept working there...except that *someone* got me fired...." "Welcome to McInverse, may I ..... MIHOSHI?!" "Hi, Mister Masaki!" Mihoshi said with a wave. Noboyuki thought. The blonde GP blinked in puzzlement. "Um...Mister Masaki...I thought you were an architect..." Inspiration struck him like the hand of God. "I am!" He leaned forward and whispered conspiritorially. "I'm undercover," he told her. "I'm working here studying their design. When I'm done, I'll use what I've learned to build the new Taco Hut." Mihoshi grinned gamely. "So you're kind of like James Bond, huh?!" "Er...Yeah...just like him..." "Okay! Well...I'd like....um...I'd like..." "Hey, let's go up there!" someone cried. "Er....Miss Mihoshi," Noboyuki began, "Do you think you could hurry up. I'm going to get fired for going too slow." Mihoshi smiled and waved that idea aside. "Who cares!" she cried. "You're just here to spy for Taco Hut!" Unfortunately, she had said this quite loudly. Every head in a McInverse hat turned to him. The manager and assistant manager poked their heads out of their offices. "Uh..heh heh heh..." Noboyuki chuckled nervously, tossing Mihoshi a Ragna Roast Beef sandwich. "There! On the house!" "Thanks, Mister Masaki! Baiiii!" With that, she skipped happily out the door. Noboyuki turned to the other McInverse employees. "Um...Heh heh...That's just a little joke...." Noboyuki ran much harder than a forty five year old man should, but he didn't have much choice. The ten McInverse employees behind him were running just as fast. He knew he should've worded that bit to Mihoshi better. He had forgotten... McInverse and Taco Hut were bitter financial rivals... He huffed and puffed down a nearby alley. The angry mob was gaining on him. He jumped up and grabbed hold of a fire escape ladder and tried to pull himself up to no avail. He felt someone grab his leg and drag him down... "Oh, Mister Masaki!" Mihoshi sniffled. "I'm so sorry!" "Don't worry about it, Mihoshi," Kiyone growled. "It's not half the beating *I'm* going to give him!" "So," the nude architect went on, "After that, I..." Noboyuki, bruised, cut, and bleeding entered the Masaki residence and went straight to the bath. As he was taking off his pants, he checked the pocket and found the number Akio had given him. "Hmmmm..." he said in thought. He put on a towel and went to the phone in his bedroom. He'd take care of this before taking a bath. He called the number. A guy named Rezo answered. Noboyuki explained that he wanted to place a wager and listened to Rezo give the odds. "Wow! You mean for every yen I bet, I get five hundred back if I win?! Sure! I'll place twenty thousand yen on them!" He hung up the phone, went back to the bath, and congragulated himself. "YOU BET ON THE CHICAGO BEARS?!" Tenchi exclaimed. "I THOUGHT THEY WERE DUE!!" his father cried. "By the way, can I have a towel or something to cover myself with? This is embarrassing." Ryoko tossed him a towel, and he put it on. Aeka uncovered Sasami's eyes. "What I miss?!" Sasami cried. "A bunch of crap!" Kiyone growled. "Keep going, scumbag," she ordered. "Anyway, I soon found out that I owed Rezo a lot of money..." "Akio! Hide me!" Akio looked up from his place behind the bar. "Mister Masaki!?" "That Rezo guy's right behind me! I owe him twenty-thousand yen!" The boy looked at Noboyuki, his eyes narrowing. "Did you bet on the Bears?" he asked suspisciously. "I THOUGHT THEY WERE DUE!!" "Ah, there you are!" They looked up to see a man with purple hair, his eyes closed, and a man with blue spiky hair in a white outfit and hood standing in the doorway. "Hi, Rezo," Akio said nonchalantly. "Wanna drink?" "No, Akio, not today. I'm here to see Mister Masaki." He stepped forward and smiled. "Now, Mister Masaki, you owe us some money." Noboyuki took a step back, but Akio placed a hand on his shoulder. "Mister Masaki, trust me. Give them the money, or they're going to make sure that your medical bills are far more than what you owe them." The architect gulped. "You take a check?" "Of course," Rezo said. Noboyuki wrote out a draft and handed it to the red bookie. "Thank you, Mister Masaki. Oh, before I go, since you tried to evade us, my associate, Mister Zelgadis, is going to punch you in the stomach as hard as he can...." "Huh?! OOMPH!!" Noboyuki doubled over as the other man punched him. "See you for soccer season, Akio," Rezo called out as he walked out of the bar. "Later, Rez," Akio waved. "Hey, Mister Masaki? You okay?" Noboyuki puked on the floor of the bar again and rose unsteadily to his feet. "I'm fine, thanks," he gasped out painfully. "Good. You know if you puke on that floor, you have to buy a drink, right?" "Dad! You could've been killed!" Tenchi told him sternly. Noboyuki sighed. "Sometimes desperate times call for desperate measures! And I *was* desperate! I only had ten days left, and I still hadn't gotten any of the money!" "No, but you did get your ass kicked," Kiyone muttered, "So you can keep going..." "Ah, the mail," Akio sighed, picking up the mail from the bar top as Noboyuki struggled into a stool, clutching his stomach. "I have no idea what to do, Akio," he said pathetically. "My father-in- law is going to lose his shrine and all the land with it, including my house..." "Ah! The new Crack Whore Magazine!" Akio cried happily. "Lucky!" He opened it and began to read. "My son isn't going to be able to go to Todai," Noboyuki whimpered. "And it's all because his father's a moron with a gambling problem." "Yeah, sucks to be you," Akio commented, not picking his head up from the magazine. He paused suddenly. "Hey, Mister Masaki, Tenchi once told me that you were an amateur photographer..." "That's right," Noboyuki said. "Doesn't make a difference, though. Even if I sold my camera, I wouldn't get enough for it..." "No," Akio said, "But you can put that camera and your hentai nature to good use!" he cried. "Take a look!" He showed Noboyuki a magazine article. The architect read. "'Be a real Crack Whore photographer. Send in your slutty photographs....WIN FIFTY THOUSAND AMERICAN DOLLARS!?'" Akio nodded and read. "'Enter into the Crack Whore Photo Contest. First place wins fifty thousand U.S. dollars. Only the photo of the most beautiful, exotic, smart, funny, kind, compassionate, warm-hearted woman will win...'" "Cut the crap," Kiyone growled. "You made that last bit up so I wouldn't blast you..." Noboyuki took a breath. Akio nodded and read. "'Enter into the Crack Whore Photo Contest. First place wins fifty thousand U.S. dollars. Best rack wins.'" "Ha! I knew it!" Kiyone cried. "And you took a picture of *Kiyone*?!" Ryoko asked in surprise. "HEY!" "This is it, Akio! My way out!" Noboyuki exclaimed in joy. Akio nodded. "Once again, a raunchy slut addicted to cocaine shows us the way..." Noboyuki's face fell. "But how? None of the girls would ever do it, and even if they did, the contest is in four days..." The boy smiled. "So....Who says they have to know?" Noboyuki blinked. "Come on! I've seen those exchange students living at your house! Any one of them could win this contest! And it's not like they'll ever see the pictures! None of them reads Crack Whore Magazine....and if they do, I want to meet them... We could take a few pictures, overnight them to the contest, and wait for the results." Noboyuki smiled, but frowned again a moment later. "But how?" Akio grinned and turned on the radio... "'Sail away! Sail away! Sail away!...'" The boy frowned and switched CD's. The Mission Impossible theme began to play. "Why does it feel like this story is turning into an episode of 'I Love Lucy?'" Tenchi asked with a sigh. "Hey! I was desperate! I was trying to save this house, ya know! Anyway, all that was left was to get the picture without the girls knowing it. That meant we only had one hope." "I know! The women's bath!" Mihoshi volunteered. "Akio, I don't get it," Noboyuki whispered as he held the black rapelling cable for the young man. "It's my house. You're Tenchi's friend. Why are we dressed like ninjas and sneaking around?" Akio turned to him, his face behind a black ninja mask. "This way if we get caught, we can kill ourselves before surrendering." "What?!" "Hey, it's either seppuku or facing Tenchi and the girls and telling them that their home is going to become a McInverse!" "Okay, okay..." Noboyuki surrendered. "The bathroom is on the second floor. It only opens to women. So we have to catch the door while it's open." "No sweat. Watch me and weep." Akio threw a grappling hook up into the air, which landed on the roof with a loud bunch of clanging noises. The two froze. Crickets chirped. No one seemed to hear the noise. They began to relax. Swiftly, Akio started hauling himself up the rope, Noboyuki right behind him. The window was open, so the two snuck in without any trouble. The found themselves in the second floor hallway with the women's bath on the other end. The two slinked forward, ducking in and out of empty rooms. They could hear talking downstairs. Hopefully, they wouldn't be heard. "Now we just have to wait for..." Akio began, when suddenly, the bath door opened. The two would-be ninjas ducked into another room just as Aeka and Mihoshi left the bath. "That was wonderful," Aeka remarked as the two started down the stairs, leaving the bathroom door to close by itself. Noboyuki saw the door start to close and dived, sliding like a baseball player for home! And landing six feet too short... Akio threw some more rope through the doorway and watched the door strike it, prevented from being closed. "Sweetness!" he whispered in victory. They opened the door and stepped inside. "Holy...shit!" Akio exclaimed, seeing the luxurious women's bath for the first time. He turned to Noboyuki. "Could you design *me* a house like this?" "Come on. We have to place these cameras," Noboyuki told him. "And quickly." "So how do these work, anyway?" Akio asked. "They have timers on them. They'll each take a snapshot at random intervals. I'll find a way in here tomorrow to get them back." "Oh..." The two spread the cameras out, hiding them where they had a good view of the onsen, but secluded enough to remain unseen. Finally, after fifteen tense minutes, they were done. "Okay, let's move," Akio whispered. The two quietly stepped out of the onsen, shutting the door behind them. "Whew..." "Who are you?" They froze. Neither of them turned from the doorway. Akio whispered to Noboyuki. "Which one is it?" "Sasami," the architect whispered back. Akio thought for a moment. "Can I take her?" Noboyuki gave him an odd look. The boy turned and found a little, blue-haired girl standing there in bath gear and carrying a towel. Akio cleared his throat and tried to sound menacing. "Get out of here, kid!" he told Sasami in a harsh tone. "Or...you'll get it!" "Get what?" Sasami asked, not batting an eye. Akio thought for a moment. "Or...Um...Line?" Noboyuki shrugged. "Or I'll take that towel away from you and whip you with it!" Akio threatened. Sasami frowned. "Hey, you shouldn't threaten her like that," Noboyuki told him, disguising his voice. "Now GIT!" Akio cried. Sasami took a breath. "Ki-YAH!" "Huh?!" Akio said in response just before Sasami kicked him in the shins. "OW! DAMN!" "Ki-YAH!" "Ooomph!" Akio groaned as Sasami jumped up executed a perfect kick to his groin. The boy fell to the ground, clutching his privates. Noboyuki just stared in shock. "SISTER!" Sasami screamed, running down the hall. "PERVERT BURGLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!" "Aw, crap!" Noboyuki muttered. He grabbed Akio's arm and tried desperately to pull him down the hall with him. Akio was still trying to recover from Sasami's attack and could only stumble along. "Hurry up!" Noboyuki cried. "THERE THEY ARE!" he heard Ryoko cry out and turned. Sure enough, Ryoko and Aeka were on the other end of the hall. He continued to run. They were almost to the window. He heard Ryoko charge and release and energy blast just as he jumped! The window exploded behind them as Noboyuki and Akio fell two stories, screaming all the way down, and landing in some bushes. "RUN!" Noboyuki screamed, still dragging the panting Akio with him. They made it to Akio's car as several irate women with flashlights and carrying some of *his* golf clubs began pouring out of the house. Noboyuki gunned the engine and took off down the road. "All I had to do after that, was get the cameras back," Noboyuki told them. "I just said that I was installing a new security system, and Sasami let me in. I'm sorry I had to lie to you, Sasami..." "That's okay, Mister Masaki," Sasami said sadly. "I guess I was wrong to beat up Tenchi's friend..." "That really had to hurt his pride," Tenchi commented. "Anyway, we overnighted the best of the pictures to Crack Whore Magazine. After that, I just had to wait..." "The mail's here!" Mihoshi cried. She began sifting through the envelopes. "Teen Princess for Aeka," she said, handing the princess a magazine. "Junior Swordsman for Tenchi." She looked at one letter and arched an eyebrow. "Crack Whore Magazine submissions department for Noboyuki?" Noboyuki spit out his coffee and jumped up, grabbing the envelope from the blonde. "What's that, Dad?" Tenchi asked. "Nothing! Go mow the lawn!" Noboyuki barked as he tore open the letter. He read silently and then yelled, "WHIPPEEEEEE!!!" "Good news?!" Mihoshi asked. Noboyuki caught himself. "Um....They're adding a comics section," he said lamely, coming up with something off the top of his head. "Oooooooh!" Mihoshi said, at least pretending to understand. Noboyuki reread the letter to himself. 'Dear Sir, Thank you for your submission. You'll be happy to know that photo marked A-23 has won first place! Congragulations! You will receive a check in the mail along with a complimentary issue featuring your photo on the cover! Once again, congragulations.' Noboyuki sighed in relief. "So I used the prize money to pay off Father's bills and replace the money in Tenchi's college fund." He sighed. "And that's why I took a naked picture of you, Kiyone..." Kiyone thought for a moment. "No, not good enough." She raised the blaster. Noboyuki began to cry. "Just a sec!" Ryoko cried. "You said you put up a bunch of cameras....They didn't take just one picture of Kiyone." She grabbed Noboyuki by the throat and growled. "Where are the other pictures?" The rest of the girls gasped in realization. Noboyuki whimpered. "You didn't send pictures of *US* to Crack Whore Magazine, did you?!" Aeka cried aghast. "Well...Not the ones of Sasami and Washu. I burned those..." "Thank God," Tenchi muttered. "And *KIYONE* won?!" Ryoko growled, squeezing Noboyuki's throat. Kiyone actually smiled a little. "You mean...You sent nude photos of Mihoshi, Ryoko, and Aeka to a girly magazine...and they picked *me* over *them*?" Noboyuki nodded. Kiyone actually laughed. "It's not funny!" Ryoko growled. "Quite right! What was wrong with my picture?!" Aeka demanded. "Am I not beautiful?! Are you honestly telling me that they preferred her over the Princess of Jurai!? Er...no offense, Kiyone." Kiyone was doubled over, laughing hysterically, and couldn't answer Aeka. "Oh, come off it, Aeka!" Ryoko replied. "The magazine said 'best rack wins.'" She grinned. "You have to have one before you can enter..." "Now see here!" "Um...Girls?" Noboyuki asked, still pinned to the wall by Ryoko's outstretched hand. Kiyone was still laughing hysterically. Mihoshi whimpered. "Oh please don't fight! I didn't win either! It doesn't bother me!" "SHUT UP!" Ryoko and Aeka yelled to her. "Who would want to be in a periodical like that, anyway?!" Aeka demanded. "Yeah!" Ryoko backed her up. Tenchi sighed. "Come on, Sasami. I still have to polish my sword." "And I have to start on dinner." The two left the bath, the three arguing women, the hysterical GP, and a naked man frightened out of his mind. Tenchi heard a car pull up over the fighting upstairs and went outside. He saw Akio closing the door on a brand new red Porche. He grinned at Tenchi and took off his sunglasses. "Hey, Tenchi! Whaddya think of my new Por-sha!?" "Isn't it pronounced, 'Porche?'" "If you own one, you have to pronounce it, 'Por-sha.'" Akio informed him. "Where did you steal it?" Tenchi asked, crossing his arms over his chest. "Didn't steal it," Akio told him. "Bought it at a police auction. It was my cut of the hundred grand your dad won..." Tenchi's eyes went wide. "Don't you mean, 'fifty grand?'" he asked in puzzlement. Akio smiled. "Nope." Tenchi blinked. "Breasts aren't the only attractive aspect of a woman's body!" Aeka cried. "But you get the most points for 'em!" Ryoko countered. "Then shouldn't I have won?" Mihoshi asked. "NO!" Kiyone was curled up in a corner, still laughing. Noboyuki, still pinned to the wall like a butterfly in a glass case, sighed. "Tenchi," he muttered, "If you don't get into Todai after all this, I'm kicking you out of this house for good..."