PaRt 1

"I've been to heaven and hell, and I still don't know if there's a God
or a Devil."
								-Jhonen Vasquez	

*** 

BGlanders presents...

Something More

*** 
"Where am I?"

	All things considered it wasn't that bad of a question to be asking. 

	I was surrounded by a void, a blackness that seemed to almost have
structure.  It felt... cold.  Disorientating.  It was not a sensation
that I find agreeable.  I had been doing something... something
important when something happened... and then...

Where am I

	I remembered a fight.  A fight with a boy.  I remember how confident I
felt, how completely wonderful life was about to become for me.  Finally
I would have the answer to the question.  Finally I would have the
Tsunami unit.  Finally I would be able to see.

Where am I

	I remembered fighting with my child.  She was so strong, so quick, so
desperate and without cause.  She was losing, and I was winning for all
time.  Finally I had achieved my goal; the Ship of the Beginning was
mine.  Finally I had reached the end result of five thousand years worth
of isolation, hatred, fear and desperate yearning.  Finally, I would see
that which I had sinned so many eons for.

Where am I

	Then the boy came.  He was... magnificent.  This was not the same boy
who had challenged me on the planet earth, oh no.  This was something
else, something that I could not begin to describe.  This was perfection
in an imperfect being, planted there by one with no ties to rationality,
for this boys powers exceeded rational understanding.  We fought each
other for merely seconds, yet at the time I felt as if years were
passing.  His power... the power of...  of something more.  That's the
best way that I can word it.  He was something more than myself. 
Something more than I could understand.

	And in the end, he defeated me.

Where am I

	I died.  I'm quite sure of that fact.  However if I was truly dead, did
that mean that this was Hell?  

Where

	Or maybe there really was nothing after death.

Am

	Either way, I remember thinking that it would be nice to know just what
exactly is going on.

I?

	"Where am I?"

	"You're here, of course."

 *** 

	A moment before, it had been a swirling void.  Now the man called
Kagato found himself standing in the most beautiful garden he had ever
seen.  All around him, the scientist saw petals touched with colors so
soft and bright that they seemed to illuminate the grove he was standing
in.  The grass felt soft underneath his feet and the sweet smelling air
of the flowers was in abundance.

	Kagato was now quite sure he was in Hell.

	"What is this place?  How did I get here?"  Kagato waited for the voice
to answer him, but all he was met with was silence.  In the distance,
the soft babbling of a clear stream running between two grassy hills
broke the silence.  The scientist stood as still as a statue, trying to
absorb everything as best he could.

	"Like I said, you're here.  Where else would you be?"

	Kagato spun around to face the speaker.  Where nothing had been a
moment before a little girl now stood.  She was small, about four feet
high and her face...  Kagato shuddered as he stared into the girl's
pasty white face.  There was something about it, something hauntingly
familiar... The Way her golden eyes gleamed with intelligence, the color
of her hair...  Kagato felt a stone settle in his stomach and a lump
form in his throat.  A cold sweat broke across his brow.

	"You.  I know you.  You're... you're her, aren't you?

	The girl smiled and took a step towards Kagato, who took two steps back
in pure terror.  

	"Yes, I'm her.  My name's Hotaru.  I'm very happy to meet you, Kagato."

	The child giggled as Kagato slowly tried to take hold of his senses. 
After doing his best to calm his nerves, he took a deep breath and spoke
slowly to the smiling child before him.

	"You're dead.  I know this for a fact.  So if I'm speaking with you,
does that mean that I'm...?"

	The child shrugged and giggled again at the scientist.  

	"I wouldn't know about that, but I'm pretty sure this means you're
dead.  I can't think of any other reason that you'd be here unless that
was the case.  It is strange though..."

	Kagato once again looked at his surroundings.  By the creek a beautiful
patch of purple flowers were in full bloom.  Several bees were attending
them.  Kagato turned to face the child again, then froze in place.  The
girl had vanished.

	"Interesting.  Am I to assume that this is some kind of game then?"

	Suddenly the air around the mad scientist was filled with childish
laughter.  Kagato looked to the sky, as that seemed to be where the
laughter was coming from.  As the sound continued, several birds grew
tired of listening and flew away from their tree sanctuaries.  The
laughter, which at this point was starting to hurt Kagato's ears,
suddenly stopped.  It was replaced by the same childish voice as before,
but this time it seemed to emanate from the very garden itself.

	"You will come with me, Kagato.  You will come as I take you on a
tour.  I think you'll enjoy what I have to show you, my friend."

	Kagato snarled as the garden around him started to melt away into
nothingness.  Where green grass, beautiful flowers and cool streams had
been a moment before, now only a white, endless void remained.  In a fit
of anger, the scientist started to scream.

	"First you will tell me what is going on here!  I demand to know where
I am and how it is that you're here!  Tell me!"

	At that moment, the world exploded with color.

*** 

	The entire world around me seemed to explode with a radiance that was
almost blinding.  I shielded my eyes and braced for whatever attack
might have been coming.  Hotaru... that wasn't her real name.  She was
playing with me, trying to twist my perception of reality.  This was all
some cosmic game to her, and I was the pawn.

	When I opened my eyes, I was taken aback with what I was presented
with.  I was standing in what appeared to be the throne room of the
Jurain royal palace.  All round me stood the trees of the Sight, the
holy trees that allowed the emperor of Jurai to see into the immediate
future.  Actually they served as a Sword of Damocles, striking down any
that were unfit to take the royal throne, or so the legends had said.

	At the foot of the throne room stood a man who was cast in shadow.  He
was garbed in the robes of a Jurain noble, but his face was hidden by
the shadows of the trees.  He stood at the top of a great staircase
while I looked up to him from the base.  For a moment I believed him to
be the cause of my dilemma and outstretched my hand, ready to call my
sword to me.  Then the man at the top of the stairs spoke, and my blood
froze in my veins.

	He had my voice.

	"I was the Emperor of Jurai once."

	I stood in stunned silence as the figure slowly descended the
staircase.  The trees around him turned brown as he passed then became
green as he continued down the great staircase.  Behind the man stood
what looked like a boy, but a light that was too bright for me to see
through silhouetted him.  I could only make out his shape.  As the man
came closer to me, he continued to speak.

	"I was the ruler of the entire galaxy.  I had the power of God at my
command.  I was God, for the briefest of moments, but do you know what I
did to achieve that power?  I had killed, pillaged and destroyed
countless worlds to strengthen myself.  For decades, I traveled from
planet to planet alone and filled with hate.  I sought the power, the
ultimate power that most men only dream of, and for a brief instant, I
felt myself finally become something more than I was."

	The man came closer, and as he did I was finally able to see his face. 
His hair was a different shade, and here and there I saw several
differences, but in the end there was no doubt.

	The man who was speaking was I.	

	"Then the boy came.  The grandson of my best friend and most hated
enemy.  I though that he was nothing.  I thought that I was the one, and
that he was little more than an obstacle to remove from my path.  Then
we fought, and as we did I started to see something inside the boy that
I had never known.  I started to realize that this boy, this half-breed
from a remote, backwater world, was defeating me.  I tried to ignore it,
to tell myself that it wasn't true and that I really was the one, the
one who had achieved the ultimate level of power in life.  Then the
trees... the trees themselves came alive and spoke."

	The man, my double, gestured behind him.  The trees lining the royal
stairway suddenly illuminated, and in them I caught a glimpse of what
appeared to be the planet earth.  The leaves from the trees turned
different shades of brown and gold, and one by one they slowly started
to gently fall to the ground.

	"In an instant the trees told us both everything and nothing all at
once.  They had chosen their master, and their master was the boy.  At
that moment I knew that everything I had hunted for, that everything I
had searched desperately for and had slain thousands to achieve, had
been taken from me.  At that moment, I realized the lesson the trees had
given me."

	The man, my double, put his hand on my shoulder.  The moment he did I
felt a shudder of disgust run through my body.  Why was this thing
telling me all this?  Why was he speaking of his weakness so openly?  I
felt a great hatred growing inside me for this thing, this less than
human copy that stood before me...

This copy.

	"It was beautiful, my friend.  I saw the true power of Jurai for the
first time, and that power opened my eyes.  I suddenly realized that the
true power wasn't something to be hoarded and obtained, but rather
something to have bestowed.  I was weak in that I couldn't accept my
station in life and that I wanted more than what had been granted me. 
In the end, my lust for power became my downfall."

	I felt a growl forming in my throat as the thing before me continued to
talk about self-fulfillment and the rediscovery of its feelings.  I felt
myself becoming sick from the words this copy of me was speaking.

	"So what you are saying is this; you discovered how pathetically weak
you were and you took pleasure in this knowledge?"

	The thing nodded, a smile on its hideously familiar face.  "My friend,
it was not the knowledge that I was weak, but the knowledge that my
purpose in life had been fulfilled.  Most people go through life never
knowing why they're in this mortal coil, but I... I found my purpose."

	"That being?"

	The false me, the other me,

	The lesser me

	Smiled at me with a look on his face that sickened me.  He looked so
peaceful, so grotesquely content in his defeat that it was all I could
do to keep from retching.  Then his voice, calm with defeat, only added
to my feelings of nausea.  "I was simply meant to be a part of something
more, that's all.  When I tried to control it, I merely scratched the
surface.  You see my friend, to control that which is out of our reach
is to try to hold the sun in your hands.  You'll only end up getting
burned if you try."

	I stood and stared until I could stomach it no longer.  Without a word
I formed my energy sword in my hand and brought it across the thing's
neck.

	The blade hadn't cut all the way through, but the thing before me
crumpled to the floor.  I spit on the corpse out of disgust, then looked
to the throne at the top of the stairs.  It was then that I heard
Hotaru's voice echoing though the throne room.

	"There it is, Kagato.  There's the throne of Jurai.  It's all yours, so
why don't you take it?  After all, if this Kagato was able to take it,
why couldn't you?"

	I felt my rage build as I answered the impudent child.

	"Very well then, I will take the throne for my own.  If this thing,
this... copy could sit upon it, then I should more than easily be able
to claim it for my own!"

	As I started to run up the staircase, I noticed that the stairs
themselves seemed to be multiplying.  Soon I realized that no matter how
fast of how far I was to run, the throne was always at the same distance
from me.  The laughter of that devil child filled my ears as I stopped
to gasp for breath.  For some inexplicable reason, I was horrendously
out of breath.  

	"You fool, you didn't kill a copy.  That man at the base of the stairs
was you, but a you from another place and time.  Besides, unlike you, he
was real.  Unlike you, he was born to his name and power.  If he
couldn't hold the power of Jurai, then what makes you believe that you
would have a chance?"

	I watched as the throne room suddenly dissolved into nothingness as the
garden had done before.  Once again I was left floating in an empty
void.  As I floated I made a silent promise to myself that whoever was
behind this would pay with their lives once I had freed myself from this
hellish game.

*** 

	Kagato floated for what could have been either an eternity or mere
seconds, in the end it didn't matter.  The scientist quickly decided
that time had no real meaning in this infernal place.  Then, once again
the voice of the child Hotaru reverberated from all around the mad
scientist.

	"The level of your evil must truly be bottomless.  How could you be so
inhuman as to kill another man in cold blood, especially when that man
was yourself?  Then again I guess that to ask of anything not inhuman
from you would be asking too much, all things considering..."

	"My actions were completely justified, child.  He was weak, and not
worthy of the name he carried.  I have never tolerated weakness or
frailty in myself or those that would serve me.  To tolerate frailty is
to invite failure and disappointment unto ones self."

	"Is that why you killed him?  Because he was admitting his failure?"

	Kagato nodded and scrunched his brow slightly in frustration at the
memory of his doppelganger.  He had killed his double because that false
Kagato, that thing had broken the golden rule.  To admit one's frailty
is to admit defeat.  One who exposes their frailty is one who asks for
death.
	
	"You don't get it yet, do you?  I figured as much.  You know for
someone as smart as you claim to be you seem to be awfully dense at the
moment.  Maybe it's the Xerox effect taking hold.  You know, the old law
stating that a copy is never a sharp as the original..."

	Kagato clenched his fists and screamed into the void, his usually calm
exterior shattered.

	"How dare you say that to me!  I am not a copy, do you hear me?  I am
myself; something defined by my will, not by someone's desires!  I AM
NOT A COPY!"

	Hotaru's laughter was the only answer he received.  Then, without
warning he found himself somewhere tangible.  He was lying on a pile of
warm straw in a cold metal room that was eerily familiar to him.  As he
tried to get up from his new makeshift bed, he realized two things; the
first being that he was naked and covered in bruises.  

	The second realization being that he was now female.  

	Before the scientist could comprehend what he was seeing, a metal door
in front of him slid open, and in it, the scientist was once again faced
with what appeared to be himself.

*** 

pArT 2

"The passions that drive us should be ones we respect and admire.  To
feel contempt for one's own motivations is a vulgar thing.
Too often, it seems, I've succumbed to less than admirable compulsions
driven by this furiously reprehensible machine of mine.
So many things inside that I can do without- desires and longings and
what not.
So extraneous.
By the time I write in this book again, I hope to be as cold as the moon
that lights this page."
-Jhonen Vasquez

*** 

	I remember coming to on a soft pile of straw in a dark, metallic room. 
Instantly I knew this to be another game, but I decided to play along
and see where this illusion was going.  As I tried to get up, I realized
that this time the illusion had affected my body as well as my
surroundings, as I was now female.

	This was getting most annoying.

	Before I could bring myself to my feet, a metal door before me slid
open revealing... myself.  It was another me, but this time it was
exact, not vague like the last one.  This time, the I standing before me
was truly a physical copy of myself.

	He, my double, advanced on me before I could even open my mouth.  His
grip was like an iron clamp on my shoulders, and his breath stank of
chemicals.  I tried to summon my energy sword, but to my horror I
discovered, then remembered, that Ryoko's energy well was cut off when I
had her confined to her cell.  

	I was helpless, a prisoner to myself.  I tried desperately to fight my
way out of his grip, but in the end he just squeezed tighter.  I felt my
shoulders bruising from his tightening grip, then I flew backwards as he
struck me across the face.  Suddenly I realized that I had been in this
exact situation before.  The only difference was that last time; I had
been on the giving end of the punishment.

	"What is the first lesson?"  I heard his voice, 

My voice

	Echo like thunder in my ears.  For some reason I felt my entire body
shiver uncontrollably.  Then my mouth opened and started to answer, but
to my horror it was not of my own volition.

  	"That your word is the law, and that nothing is greater than you."

	I felt my, or rather Ryoko's body, shivering so violently I thought she
was going to soil herself out of pure fear.  I realized at that point
that I was wrong in my first assumption; this was not my body reformed. 
I was now inside the body of my daughter, and was now reduced to nothing
more than a passenger inside of her mind.  

	"And who am I?"

	His voice

My voice

	Was so cold, so strong and powerful yet empty in our ears.  It was like
listening to some great, hating machine that knew it was greater than
those that had created it.  It was at this point that I realized
something that chilled me to the bone.  This was my own true version of
perfection; cold, uncaring order, unclouded by emotion.  The sheer use
of power and the power of one's presence were the tools of leadership,
and here I was, the embodiment of those principles to the utmost
extreme.

	So why did I suddenly feel so afraid?

	"You're Daddy."

	Daddy.  That was the name I had made my daughter call me from the
first.  It was how she was to know me, to see me in her life.  I was her
father, her daddy.  I was to be the center of her universe, and there
was to be nothing else that would ever be seen as being higher than
myself.  I remember to what lengths I had forced this principle upon
her.  In order to make her fully appreciate my hold on her, I decided to
take command of every aspect of her life.  

	She was to have nothing sacred, nothing hidden.  I was to be the first
and last, the whole of her existence.  To do this...  To do this I
forced myself upon every aspect of her being.

	"Come, my little Ryoko.  Come to Daddy and we'll start today's lesson."

	I saw my hand hesitantly reach out for his, then felt his tighten and
crush mine.  While Ryoko flinched from the pain, I let out a surprised
cry.  It was then that I realized the final aspect of this new
arrangement.

	Just as I could discern her, she could discern me.

Who's there?
'I am.'
Who are you?
'No one to concern yourself with.'
Who are you?
'I told you, I am no one to concern yourself with!'
Did Daddy send you?

	I froze.  The fear in those words, the sheer terror in her voice made
me hold my tongue.  At that moment she was not a woman or even a child. 
At that moment she sounded like a frightened animal.  To hurt animals is
something that is beneath me.  I hurt those that can defend themselves
against it.  I hurt my daughter to teach her to stand up to hurt, to
ignore it and finally to dismiss it all together.  To hurt this however,
would be to accomplish nothing.

'No.  Daddy didn't send me.'

	I felt her relax slightly, then she tensed again as I, our attacker,
pinned us to the straw mat.  I knew what was coming next; the proof of
my mastery.  The establishment of my power.  I knew the purpose of this
act, but for the first time ever, I suddenly found myself disgusted by
it.

	When it was over and my other had left the room, I found my host body
crying uncontrollably in the corner.  Strange, I hadn't remembered her
ever crying once when I had been with her, not in over two thousand
years.  This was a side of my daughter that I had rarely viewed- one
that I had sneered at in disgust.  This was what I had always believed
to be weakness.  This is what I always saw as something fixable in her.

*** 

	Ryoko remained huddled in the corner of her cell for several hours
after her 'Daddy' had decided to pay her a visit.  After crying for
countless minutes, she managed to calm her nerves and tried to forget
what had happened.  Meanwhile, I was becoming most annoyed.

'Why are you crying?'
What?  Who's there?  Who are you?
'I asked you a question; why are you crying?'
Who are you?  Please, tell me your name... Are you... are you one of
Daddy's creatures?
'I...'
'Did Daddy send you?'

	Even though I had already been asked this once, I paused at this
question for the second time.  The words Ryoko spoke in her head made me
give an involuntary shudder.  A creature.  A thing, a creation of
limited intelligence with a limited set of instructions.  She thought I
was nothing more than yet another means of torture concocted by my other
self.

'No, I am not one of your Daddy's creatures.'
Then who are you?
'I am no one.  Just an observer.'

	It was true.  After all, I had been reduced to nothing more than a
mental passenger in her head.  

Oh.  My name's Ryoko.  What's your name?
'You still haven't answered me; why were you crying?'
Oh... because... when Daddy does that to me... It makes me feel bad.
'What do you mean 'feel bad'?  You're a machine, a weapon devised and
created to be beyond emotions.  How can you 'feel' bad?'
I'm not a machine; I'm Ryoko.
'And what is Ryoko?'
I don't know.
'What do you mean 'you don't know'?  You just said you were one, so what
is it?'
Ryoko is who I am, except when Daddy is punishing me.  That's when I
hide far, far away where he can't touch me.
'What do you mean you hide?  You were right there with him, the entire
time.'
That wasn't me.
'Then who was it?'
...
'Who was it, child?'
That was Zero.
'Who is Zero?'
She's the one who Daddy's hurting.  Zero gets hurt so I don't have to. 
I don't like to be hurt.

	A multiple personality.  After several millennia of constant study I
was shocked that I hadn't picked up on it before.  It made perfect
sense, when beings were exposed to a traumatic event, the often times
came up with drastic mental defenses to deal with the problem.  
	
	The child was still crying slightly, but her initial trembling had
subsided.  The best thing for her was sleep, to try and rest up for the
next visit from my doppelganger.  Being nothing more than a mental
passenger I was limited as to how to make this blubbering child cease
her tears and go to sleep.  Then a sound like a soft whistle came to me,
and I realized that Ryoko had fallen asleep from sheer exhaustion.  
	
	"The poor thing just can't seem to keep up with you.  In fact, from the
looks of it you were going pretty hard there for awhile.  Some
frustration you're not telling me about, Kagato?"

	That voice.  It was as grinding as sand between glass.  I turned around
to face the child demon, only to find her standing beside a curled up
sleeping Ryoko.  I was free of my child's mind.  The demon thing Hotaru
chuckled at me again, for what felt like the thousandth time.

	"Be silent, demon.  Either continue this game or leave me be but be
silent."

	The child-thing laughed again, this time it seemed to mock me with its
tone.  I summoned my sword once again and charged the creature,
screaming for it to be silent.  I brought my blade down as hard as I
could, only to be met with a force field.  The child snickered as the
world around us once again melted away into nothingness.

	"You still don't understand, do you?  You still can't see the lesson
here.  Very well, I think one more trip might be in order..."

	Before I could ask her what she meant, the world once again exploded
with color.

*** 

ParT 3

The setting sun has left the sky.
The light grows dim.
I thought I was a brave man.
My thin sleeves are wet with tears.

-Hitomaro

*** 

	From space, it looked like any other planet.

	It had oceans of thick clouds around it with patches of brown and blue
peeking out here and there in tiny shafts, like a child wrapped in a
blanket on a winter's day.  From orbit, no one would know what if any
troubles might be occurring on the surface.  From orbit, one wouldn't be
able to see the countless millions that could have lived there.

	Kagato and Hotaru appeared in the quiet void of space, hovering just
above the planet's upper atmosphere.  Kagato, who now somewhat used to
the child's tricks, was only slightly surprised at his new
surroundings.  After finding his voice, and more importantly finding
that his voice was somehow working in the vacuum of space, he spoke. 
"So demon, what would you show me here?"

	Hotaru chuckled and answered the scientist while facing the giant
planet beneath them.  "You're so closed off, Kagato.  You can't seem to
see past your own beliefs of life and conquest.  Why?"

	Kagato snorted and faced the planet.  "Conquest is the key, the
stepping stone to true obtainment."
	"And what is the cost of that obtainment?"
	"There is no cost, because true obtainment is beyond any price."
	"And just what is it that you would so desperately obtain?  It has to
be something special, after all, you murdered your other self for
'giving up' in your eyes."
	"It's not your concern."
	"I don't see why it can't be.  After all, it was enough for you to
torture poor little Ryoko for several thousand years, so whatever it is
must be important."
	"I said it is not your concern!"
	"And let's not forget the millions you murdered in your insane holy
crusade!  Thousands upon thousands were slain just so you could march
on, a mad general leading an army that doesn't exist to a goal that only
he could see!"
	"ENOUGH!"

	Kagato moved to strike Hotaru, but once again the child had vanished. 
Her laughter however, was echoing about him.  After composing himself,
Kagato turned his attention back to the planet below him.
	"You don't understand.  No one... could ever understand my quest."

	Kagato felt a shiver, and in an instant he found himself amidst a vast
wasteland.  While somewhat thankful to be on solid ground, the
scientist's attention was completely enthralled with his new
surroundings.  Empty charred shells of what were once buildings stood on
splintered, rickety legs.  Where concrete and steel once loomed, now
only dust and debris could be seen.  Even the dry, coarse air that
whistled hoarsely through the cracks of the once great metropolis seemed
stale and old, like the breath of someone on their deathbed.  

	The world Kagato was on was dead.

	Kagato began to walk down the deserted rubble that was once a street,
wondering what surprise Hotaru had planned for him this time.  After
wandering for several minutes, Kagato had yet to see any sign of life
amidst the charred valley of destruction.  Then, a sound almost as faint
as the whispering wind caught his ear.

	Kagato froze in mid step.  Straining his senses, he could just barely
make out the sound.  After climbing over a pile of gray, dusty concrete
ruins and crossing a small field of rubble, he came across the source of
the sound.

	The child was small, no older than six or seven, and in desperate need
of food.  Her frame shuddered each time she drew breath, and her
dirt-covered face was marked with the telltale streak marks that tears
often leave.  Her dress was filthy and torn, the pink in it being only a
shadow of its once radiant pallor.  

	Kagato stood silently before the child until it finally noticed him. 
When she finally realized that she wasn't alone, she gave a frightened
scream and backed into a corner.  Kagato could now see dirty and
infected cuts lining her arms and legs, no doubt from the shards of
broken glass and rusting steel that jutted at random amidst the man made
wasteland they were now in.  As the child huddled in terror, Kagato
slowly made his way to the tiny child.  After a quick visual
examination, Kagato realized that the child only had a few short hours
left until mal nutrition, disease and dehydration would claim her life. 
Curious, Kagato dropped to one knee and looked the child in her wide,
terrified eyes.  In his usually calm, icy voice, the scientist addressed
his newfound companion.

	"What happened here, child?"

	The frightened girl wiped her nose and continued to cower.  Kagato
remained calm and tried his best to suppress the urge to just get up and
walk away.  After a bit of thought on the matter, he went down a mental
list of interrogation tactics that seemed to work best on children, then
tried the easiest one.

	He smiled.

	"Don't worry little one.  I'm not here to hurt you.  Now tell me, what
happened here?"

	After a few moments consideration, the little girl did her best to stop
shivering, then started bawling hysterically.  To the mad scientist's
surprise, the child ran into his open and somewhat confused arms.  As
the frail child sobbed in the mad doctor's arms, Kagato felt something
stir inside of him.

	Pity.

	"The ship... It came from the sky and... my mommy and daddy tried to
stop it... everyone tried but... it was all so fast!  Everyone ran and
ran, but in the end... it... it... they couldn't stop it!"

	Kagato held the child for what seemed like an eternity.  After some
time had passed the mad scientist caught himself petting the child's
head.  After a time, Kagato gently pushed the child back and dried her
tear stained cheeks.

	"So there's no one left here?  You're alone?"

	"Of course she is, you fool!  This world is dead!"
	
	Upon hearing Hotaru's all too familiar voice, Kagato turned his back on
the terrified child and looked around for his unwanted travel partner.

*** 

	"From orbit, it looks like nothing more than a giant, fluffy ball.  On
the surface however... Would you believe that this child is the last
survivor of her race?  Pity..."

	I looked to a spot that had been vacant a moment earlier, and standing
there, true to form, was Hotaru.  To my surprise the tiny demon was
crying.

	"Why are you crying, demon."
	"I'm not."
	"Don't play games with me!  What do you mean, 'you're not'?"
	"A demon.  I'm not."
	"Then why are you crying?"

	"This world is dead, Kagato.  Billions of lives, each one special, each
one unique, have all been silenced forever.  There were families here,
millions of families, each one filled with love and light.  There was
beauty here, too.  Great forests and rivers, lakes and crystal blue
oceans that were filled with wondrous creatures.  This child here is the
ultimate symbol of all the suffering and pain this world has felt.  And
when she dies, this world will cease to exist."

	"So you weep for the death of this world?  But why?  Was this your
home, or did it have some special meaning to you?  It's just a place,
after all..."

	Hotaru had her back to me, but even so I could tell she was still
crying.  Her tiny, hideously deceptive body shuddered with each sob.

	"I'm crying because this is ultimately all my fault."

	I paused.  Somewhere deep inside of me a voice was whispering, and as
much as I didn't want to listen, I knew what it was saying.  I knew what
the demon would say next.

	"Do you know why this is all my fault, Kagato?  Do you know why all
these people, and countless others had to die?  Do you have any idea?"

	She turned, and the look on her face was one of pure hatred.  For some
reason, I suddenly felt a pang, a light fluttering inside of me that I
had not felt since...

	Since that boy...

	Fear.  That's what it was.  I was feeling fear.  This child was scaring
me.  

	"It's because I was weak in life, my dear Kagato.  I was always sickly
and frail, but I was also blessed with an extraordinary mind.  I was
gifted with the blessings of reason and comprehension, much like my
friend... a professor that both we knew...

	"I was dying, I had known this for quite some time.  I knew that there
was nothing I could do to stop my body from deteriorating, so in a last
act of defiance I did the only thing I could.  My friend had lost so
much in life... seen so much pain...  I wanted to thank her for her
years of friendship and devotion during my sickness, so when I left this
world I left her with a gift.  A copy.  I cloned myself, Kagato.  I made
a clone, a soul mate for my friend.  Unfortunately that soul mate felt
so inadequate about his origins that he lashed out.  First he hurt my
friend, then their daughter and eventually anything he could to quench
his rage."

	As she spoke, the world around us once again started to melt away, but
as it did, I could feel my traveling companion melting with it.  I
listened, and as Hotaru spoke the venom in her voice was matched only by
her remorse.

	"He did all this, and would you like to know why?  Would you my dear
scientist?  He did it because he wanted to know what it was to be
human.  I gave him the power of a God and all he could do with it was
destroy every living thing in his path, just to know what it was to be
real.  The saddest thing though, the real kicker you might say, is that
the answer was right there in front of him the whole time.  He was just
too separated from reality to realize it.  

	"If I could change the past, I would never have created that unholy
beast in the first place, but I was all my friend had left, and I didn't
want to leave her like her husband had so many years ago.  I'm kind of
soft when it comes to people and their hopes, and that's why I brought
you with me today, Kagato.  I wanted you to see first hand what your
life is.  I wanted you to see first hand all the good your life has
accomplished.  I gave you a vision of your world, what it is, what its
wrought and what it could have been, and now... now it's your turn."

	By now, I was once again surrounded by blackness, but this time I felt
as if there were to be no more flashes of light.  For the first time, I
felt as if some thick, oily predator had truly engulfed the entire
world.  I looked around frantically, my body breaking out in a cold
sweat.  For the first time in my life, I was scared of what might happen
next.  The fear of death, once only an illusion, was now strangling me. 
I tried to scream for Hotaru, but I felt my own words cut short by the
blackness that was pouring into my throat.

	I was dying.

	With the last of my sanity, I summoned every ounce of determination
that still resided inside me and let loose with one last, primal scream.

*** 

pARt 4
"The closet is warm at the height of the storm,
Go outside go outside 'cause I'm hiding from you.
The bedroom is dark, but that's the easiest part,
Little monsters see better at night."
-Chloe

*** 

SYSTEM STATUS: OPERATIONAL.
SUBJECT STATUS: RECONSTRUCTING.
...
...
...
RECONSTRUCTION COMPLETE.
MODIFICATION RATIO: 70%
OPERATIONAL STATUS OF SUBJECT: 10%
SUBJECT LIFE SIGNS STABALIZED.
INITIATE REANIMATION.
...
...
...
REANIMATION COMPLETE.
TOTAL TIME ELAPSED: 30:7:22:16

	That was all the log could tell me.  When I awoke I found myself curled
up on the cold, metallic floor of the med lab.  I was covered in a
thick, blackish substance that had somehow made its way down my throat. 
After vomiting bile onto the steel floor for several minutes, I
attempted to stand and get my bearings.  

	I was in my ship.  The Soja.  At least, it looked like the Soja. 
Everything seemed compact... smaller for some reason.  After regaining
the use of my legs, I made my way over to the nearest council and read
the log.

	"30 months..."

	On one hand, I was amazed at how much time the reconstruction had
taken.  On the other, I marveled that after having been completely
destroyed my machines had done so much in such a short amount of time. 
A shiver ran through my body, reminding me that I was soaking wet and
naked.  I mentally commanded my drones to bring me my robes.

	After a few minutes, I was still standing by myself, by now quite cold
and miserable.  I tried to tell myself that the ship wasn't ready, that
the automated systems weren't fully activated yet.  As I put my hand on
the edge of the steel table beside me, I drew back reflexively.

	On my finger, a tiny sliver of red was forming.

	I was bleeding.  I had bled before.  When the boy had cut me with his
sword was the first time in several thousand years anyone had even
gotten close enough, but there were other times, mostly in practice when
my skin would be breached.  

	This however was the first time I had ever felt it.

	As the situation finally started to come into focus I was forced to
steady my trembling form on the table beside me.  Shakily I turned
towards the computer and once again read the log for my reanimation.

MODIFICATION RATIO: 70%
OPERATIONAL STATUS OF SUBJECT: 10%

	In the unlikely event of my or the ships total destruction, the
computers main frame was backed up and stored inside a tiny sphere
located inside a makeshift life boat.  If the ship or I were ever
terminated, the sphere would instigate a reconstruction via thousands
upon millions of tiny nanites.  Unfortunately, in the event that some
parts were eliminated completely, the computer was designed to improvise
as best it could.

	For what may have been an eternity, the halls of my once mighty ship
resounded with mad, hysterical laughter.

*** 

	So here I am.

	After regaining control of my sanity I found some clothes, just a white
shirt and some pants, and headed to the bridge.  After punching in a
destination I sat back in a make shift captain's chair and let my Soja
fly.  

	Apparently my Soja did its best to fix me, but in the end it could only
go so far.  It's kind of ironic really; for thousands of years I
searched endlessly for a way to prove my superiority only now to be
reborn as that which I thought I was conquering.  

	For years I searched for the end result of my existence, an ultimate
goal.  For years, I was searching for something more.  After countless
years of endless searching I finally realized that until my death I
never really knew what I was searching for.

	My entire life has been just one big blind farce.  I'm not saying that
I've given up, mind you.  To give up in life is my one unforgivable
sin.  To quit is to die, and death is currently not on my list of
priorities.  I've been stripped of my powers, my longevity and in a
sense my god hood, but in return I've been given something that no
amount of power or destruction could ever yield.  

	Oh don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that I've undergone some great,
incredible change of morals.  You see, I realize now that before, my
eyes were covered in scales.  Only now, now that I've seen my path in
life I realize that I've simply been heading in the wrong direction.  

	I'm not saying my journey is over.  I'm simply saying my journey has
just now begun.  I'm not going to atone for my sins, but something
inside me has changed, and whether my vision was simply the result of my
mental synapse being reconstructed or the actions of something beyond my
control it really makes no difference.  All that matters is that for the
first time, I think I see which way I'm supposed to go.

	And if I hurry, I won't have to travel that road alone.

	On a planet beyond the far reaches of space a little girl is going to
die unless someone intervenes.

	It's not much, but it's a start.

*** 

Notes:

This fic was started a loooonnnng time ago, then forgotten for months. 
Recently I rediscovered it on my hard drive and started playing with it
again.  This has been the sole focus of my work for the last three
weeks.  It's like a void that I needed to fill, and until that void was
filled nothing else could get done in my world.  I don't really feel
that this is done, but at least I got to the end, and that's a start. 
Ahh well, next up... Devil chapter 3!

Kagato and Co belong to AiC and Pioneer

All C&C should go to BGlanders@aol.com