mephron@teleport.com (Mephron) The two wooden pillars, one with red markings, the other with blue, stood outside the pleasant house. "Tis a whimsical summer's day", opined the one with the red markings. "Indeed. Whimsical and quiet," commented the blue-marked one. Then the explosion occurred. A strident female voice cried out.... "MIHOSHI!!!!!!!" Both pillars sighed. Studio Surrealism presents RUN FAST, TENCHI! by Geoff Depew (For information's sake: This takes between OAV #9 "We Love Tenchi", and #11, "The Advent Of The Goddess".) Masaki Tenchi stood, as usual, in the midst of chaos. Ryouko was lying on one of the ceiling beams, snoozing away the afternoon. Sasami was in the kitchen with Ryo-oh-ki, Mihoshi was being chased by Aeka for another large explosion, and Washu was in her lab. Tenchi was quietly sweeping the front stoop. He looked up as Youshou- jiisan came down the stairs from the shrine. "Ah, jiisan. How are you?" "Fine, Tenchi, fine. I've been thinking..." Tenchi started sweating. "Aaa! I didn't MEAN to..." "YOU BLEW UP MY HAIR DRYER!" Aeka chased Mihoshi with said no-longer-working bit of appliance, screaming. Mihoshi, as usual. was running rather fast... They approached the kitchen.... "No! Ryo-oh-ki-chan! No carrots yet!" Sasami waved her spoon at the smaller creature, who proceeded to back out of the kitchen... right into Mihoshi's path. "WAAAAAA!" "MIYAAA!" Mihoshi and Ryo-oh-ki fell into each other, Ryo fwamphing back into her small cat-like form. Mihoshi sprawled on the floor, and Aeka came running around and tripped over them both, ending up on top of the pile. Ryo-oh-ki struggled out from under the two girls and miya'd at them both. Washu came around the corner, smiling and humming a tune to herself, then stopped short. "I don't want to know, do I?" Mihoshi was pulling herself out from under Aeka, when she looked up. "Oh, Washu-chan! Waaaah! Just who I needed to see! I broke Aeka-san's hair dryer! Can you help me?" Washu sighed, the sigh that only the most brilliant scientist of the galaxy could sigh, given a task so below her incredible intellect that it really wasn't worth spending time on. "All right." She snapped her fingers. A black gate opened into hyperspace, and another hair-dryer popped out. "Here. This should make life better for you." "WAI! Thank you, Washu-chan!" Aeka sat up suddenly, and grabbed Mihoshi around the throat. "YOU BLEW UP... oh. There's another one. Oh, good." She took the new one, dropped the broken one, and wandered off. Washu and Mihoshi blinked after her. "That wasn't very like her," Washu noted. Mihoshi nodded. At dinner, Youshou ate with the rest of them. As they finished, he says, "I have an announcement." Tenchi began to sweat again. "It has occurred to me that there are many women here, and I think it's high time we had... a beauty contest!" Tenchi began to sweat profusely. "A...ano... jiisan..." "So, I'm going to have it in three days!" "Ano, jiisan..." "And the winner will get a special prize!" "Jiisan....." "And the judge will be... TENCHI!" Tenchi fell over. As Youshou ascended the steps to the shrine, Tenchi ran and followed him. So did Ryouko, Aeka, Mihoshi and one of Washu's remotes. All four of them hidden from view. "Jiisan! JIISAN!" "Ah, Tenchi! Good. We need to talk about the rules for the contest." "Jiisan, I can't do this! I'll be a slaughter!" "Really, Tenchi! All of them are very nice girls, and -" "If I pick any one of them, the others will kill me or worse!" His mind spun... sliced up by Ryouko.... beaten by Aeka... an experimental subject for Washu (and she doesn't let him loose!)... and then he thought about what Mihoshi might do. He passed out. Youshou sighed and tossed water on him. Tenchi sat up quickly, looking around, then remember what he wanted to say. "Jiisan, they'll kill me!" "Never mind, Tenchi! Because they don't know what the prize is." "What IS the prize, jiisan?" "The prize is..." "The prize is..." "A SECRET!!" Tenchi fell over. (Somewhere, there's the sound a cow mooing.) "But, I will tell you this, Tenchi... whoever wins will have something truly special. Something to treasure forever!" All four women watching had the same thought at the same time. "THE PRIZE IS... TENCHI!" Each of the girls went to different places to work. Youshou had declared the contest to have three parts: Swimsuit, Talent, and Formalwear, with the Formalwear also having a question. As the days passed, each of the people in the house fretted. Aeka tried to find a swimsuit that was, in her words, "fitting for a princess!" Ryouko suggested a diving suit with full helmet. That didn't go over well. Ryouko was later seen sporting a stylish bandage on her nose. Ryouko tried to figure out something to do for the talent section. Aeka suggested she imitate a dried-out old mummy. That didn't go over well. Aeka visited the dentist later, and he was able to put all her teeth back in. Mihoshi tried to make a formal dress. That meant she needed a sewing machine. She tried to find one in her cube. That REALLY didn't go over well. (Nor did the ten tons of rice that came out.) Washu stayed in her lab. No one knew what she was going to do. You can imagine just how well THAT went over... Then the day of the contest came. Tenchi swallowed hard as he was sat down next to Sasami and Ryo-oh-ki. The ropes that Youshou had tied him in didn't clash all that badly with his suit, actually.... Youshou came out onto the deck, and grinned broadly. "And now, the Masaki Home Beauty Pageant! First, the Swimsuit competition! First to show is our friend Mihoshi!" Mihoshi stepped out onto the deck in a full formal gown. Youshou looked at her. "Um, Mihoshi-san... this is swimsuit." Mihoshi looked down. "BUt I hate being wet! Oh, I'll go put it on..." She stepped back inside. "And next, Princess Aeka!" Aeka stepped onto the deck in a wonderful violet one-piece bathing suit that matched her eyes. She posed demurely, and smiled at Tenchi. Tenchi started to sweat again. Aeka stepped inside as Youshou called out, "Now, Ryouko!" One of Ryouko's legs appeared, then she stepped around the door into the sunlight on the deck. Tenchi's nose started to bleed. "A... ano..." Sasami put her hand over Ryo-oh-ki's eyes, and Youshou put his hand over Sasami's eyes. Ryouko's swimsuit was minimal at best... barely enough to cover herself, to be decent... showing every single curve in luscious detail. Her pose was almost wanton. "You like it, Tenchi?" Tenchi fell over. After he was revived, Washu stepped out. Not Washu-chan, but Washu- san. Her older form was much better suited to such things... Her swimsuit was midway between Ryouko's and Aeka's, an rather nice bikini in a green and black pattern. She stepped out and waves. "Hi!" Youshou poked her head around the door and said something. "And Mihoshi!" Mihoshi started to step out, wearing a gold fabric one-piece, then she tripped over the doorjamb, rolled across the deck, and fell into the water. "WAAA! I don't like to be wet!!!!" "And now, the talent competition!" The three spectators clapped. First came Mihoshi, who attempted to do some gymnastics. She was doing very well, until her cartwheels took her right into the water again... "WAAAA!!!!!!!" Then Washu did a lecture on science. It left all three of them totally confused. Ryouko stepped out, in one of her skintight bodysuits. Youshou started a tape playing, and she started to dance. As she did, she began to leave trails of orange energy behind her. Then she took to the air, flying and dancing, the energy trailing behind her for a few feet as she danced. As the song came to an end, she settled to her feet and bowed. Tenchi applauded, stunned. Sasami and Ryo-oh-ki cheered. Then Aeka stepped out in her formal Jyurai gown. She began to sing. Tenchi didn't understand the language, but was affected by the song. It was a soft, slow, sad ballad. When she finished, Youshou sniffled a bit. She bowed and went back inside. Tenchi sat there, stunned for a moment, then applauded. Suddenly Ryo-oh-ki hopped up in front of everyone and did a little dance, miyaing along as she moved her hands. Tenchi got an idea. "To our last part! The formalwear and question!" All four girls stepped out. Mihoshi wore the same blue gown she'd worn before when she was supposed to be wearing a swimsuit. Washu wore a dress in green that was flattering to her older figure. Aeka wore a gorgeous spaghetti-strap dress in a deep violet, wonderfully suited to her build, with a ruffle around the lower leg. It left her legs bare from just below the knees down, showing the violet shoes and hose she wore. Ryouko's dress was, for her, demure. Yes, it was strapless and off the shoulder. However, it also didn't have cleavage to the navel. It was a deep black, ruffles at the bustline and hemline, and a black belt. She wore no hose, and black flats. Tenchi was stunned. He just sat there LOOKING at them... Then Youshou stepped out. "And now the questions! First... Mihoshi!" Mihoshi stepped forwards and smiled. "Mihoshi, your question is... What is the fourteenth pair of genes defined as in deoxyribonucleic acid settings?" Mihoshi blinked. A lot. "a... ano... aaaannnnnoooooo......." "Do you know?" She shook her head. "Now... Washu!" Washu muttered to herself, "Adnosine/guinene, guinene/adnosene..." then looked up. "Yes!" "Washu, your question is... How many licks does it take to get the chocolate off a stick of Pocky!" Washu blinked. "What? Huh? What? Err, umm...." "Do you know? Washu just gaped. Youshou sighed. "Ryouko!" Washu looked stunned as Youshou turned to the next person. "Your question is... Ryouko looked worried. "Name the male lead in Marmalade Boy!" Ryouko gaped for a moment, then said, " !". Tenchi tugged at Youshou's pant leg. "Ano, jiisan... I thought the questions were supposed to be open ended, not like a quiz show." Youshou's foot ended up in Tenchi's mouth. "And now... Aeka!" Aeka stepped forwards, feeling cheerful. "Aeka, how would create world peace?" The cheerful feeling slid off her face. "Um... um... I don't know!" Youshou nodded. "Good answer! Now, Tenchi... you have five minutes to..." He trailed off as Ryo-oh-ki toddled out, wearing a bizarre gown that looked patched together from bits and pieces of other people's clothes. She miya'd happily and stood next to the other four. The other girls looked at Ryo-oh-ki, dumbfounded. Tenchi smiled. "Jiisan, I've decided!" Youshou hmmmmed. "And the winner is?" "Ryo-oh-ki-chan!" The other four fell over. Then they hopped up, all of them complaining. "She wasn't entered!" "She's not even pretty!" "She didn't go through the swimsuit part!" "Ano, there's a fly on your collar..." Youshou gestured at them, and they stopped. "Tenchi HAS decided. Ryo-oh-ki wins! And now, the prize!" Each of the other for looked like they were about to cry. Youshou reached into his pocket.. and pulled out..... A carrot. Ryo-oh-ki MIYAAAAA!d and took the carrot, smiling happily. "Ni... ninjin!" she said. Tenchi whewed. Then he looked at the rest of the girls. "Ano... jiisan... "Yes, Tenchi? Good decision, by the way. I was rather pleased." "Can I stay at the shrine for a few days? I think it'll be safer." Tenchi suddenly felt a familiar warmth. Ryouko was rubbing up against him. "Tenchi... who's runner-up?" Tenchi swallowed. ------------------------------------------------------------------ All characters used in this story are owned and copyrighted by Pioneer. Thanks to Joe Chan for his spending too much time working on theories about how some of the stuff in Tenchi Muyo works, talking about Tenchi weirdness, and general Tenchi knowledge (especially getting me a copy of the 101 Tenchi Muyo Secrets). -- ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Geoffrey M. Depew mephron@teleport.com gdepew@efn.org Boomer@AnimeMUCK/Makoto@RanmaMUCK/Ryuquir@DahlingMUCK/Reno@BanzaiMUCK "In the heat of battle, tantric magic is fun, but highly ineffective." -anonymous