Kiyone and Tenchi.  Now, a lot of people will tell you that it's
the worst possible match, that Kiyone's indifference to Tenchi is
one of her most endearing qualities.  I agree that such a match-up
is unlikely.  Even so, I got to wondering.  What if Tenchi *did*
choose Kiyone?  I mean, why not?  She's a beautiful, kind,
intelligent woman.  She could be a real threat to Ryoko and Aeka
if she wanted to be.

Of course, there's the important factor.  She would would have
to *want* Tenchi.

And what would she want *him* for?  ^_^

The following is a comedic approach to the Kiyone/Tenchi
relationship.
Tenchi Muyo! is the property of AIC and Pioneer LDC.  The author
owns only the writing.


Tenchi Makes His Choice...Enter Kiyone


	Tenchi Masaki sighed as he walked up the stairs to the bath,
leaving the sound of Ryoko and Aeka's petty squabbling below.
<What is with them?>  he asked himself silently as he approached
the bathroom door.
	<Maybe I should just pick one and get it over with,>  he
thought.  He sighed again.  <What good would that do?  The other
would go ballistic and probably make things worse.>  Even so,
what could he do?
	Take a bath and try to forget it all for a little while.
	He reached out and took the door handle, unaware that the
door was slightly ajar, accidentally stuck open by the last
person to enter.  He opened the door and stepped inside without
thinking.
	He blinked at the sight that met him.
	Kiyone.
	Standing only a few feet from him.
	Blinking at him.
	Nude.
	He didn't get much of a look before he heard a shrill scream
and felt something come into contact with his face.
	Namely, Kiyone's fist.
	Tenchi flew backwards from the impact and struck the now
closed bathroom door.
	Then he blacked out.

	"Tenchi!  Are you okay?!"
	He blinked as he came to.  Kiyone, who now had a towel
wrapped around her, was staring down at him.
	Immediately, his nose began to bleed.  "Oh, jeez!  Kiyone!
I'm sorry!  I didn't know the door was open!  Honest!  I..."
	"It's okay, Tenchi.  It was my fault, I guess.  You'd think
with your father around I'd learn to be more careful.  Are you
okay?"
	"Um...Yeah, I think so."
	Kiyone bit her lip with nervous regret.  "Are you sure?  I
didn't mean to hit you that hard.  I kinda just...well...reacted."
	"No, it's okay, Kiyone.  I'm sorry."
	She sighed in relief.  "Good.  I was afraid for a minute."
	Tenchi couldn't help but smile.  "Kiyone, after living between
Ryoko and Aeka's fights, trust me, you're nothing."
	She laughed.  "Good point.  You're probably in the best shape
of your life."
	He laughed with her, laughter that died off as he remembered
what he saw.  Kiyone was a very attractive woman.  He'd always
known that, but he had never thought of her in a sexual way before.
Then again, he'd never gotten as much of an eyeful before.  He
blinked as he remembered something else he saw in that brief
second before she had decked him.
	"Um...Kiyone...Can I ask you something...well...personal?"
	She blinked.  "I guess so.  What is it?"
	Tenchi faltered for a moment.  "Where did you get that scar?"
	Kiyone took a breath.  "Oh," she said.  "That.  That's just
from growing up in a rough neighborhood."
	Tenchi regarded her for a moment.  He'd only gotten a glimpse
of it, but he knew it was a scar with a history.  It ran from the
top of her right breast down to the bottom of her left, an ugly
scar that looked so unnatural on her.
	"I see," he just said.
	Kiyone was silent for a moment, then said, "I got it when I
was fifteen."  She turned away and continued.  "I grew up in a
city called Zis.  It was a cesspool.  I grew up in a gang, Tenchi,
did you know that?"  He just shook his head.  "I was a real
delinquent,"  she said with a laugh.  "One day, I got caught alone
on another gang's turf.  They grabbed me, pulled me into an alley,
and decided to...have some fun with me."  She turned back to him.
"That's how I got the scar."
	Tenchi was speechless.  "I'm...I'm sorry.  I didn't know."
	She smiled.  "Don't worry about it, Tenchi.  Looking back
on it, it's the event that changed my life for the better."
	"I don't understand."
	She sighed and sat down next to him.  Tenchi glanced at her
legs without realizing, but quickly caught himself, bringing his
attention back to her story.
	"Luckily, they didn't get a chance to do more than hurt me a
little.  They probably would've killed me if a Galaxy Policewoman
hadn't come along when she did."  She smiled.  "I remember watching
her as she totally kicked the shit out of every one of them.  Then
she and her partner wrapped me in a blanket and took me to HQ.  She
was with me the whole way, telling me it'd be okay."  She looked
away again.  "Afterwards, I started going back there to talk to
her more and more.  I thought she was coolest person I'd ever met.
She was strong, intelligent, independent...all the things I wasn't.
I looked up to her.  She became my role model.  And she started
taking an interest in me.  She made sure I went to school, helped
me out if I had a problem.  Then, when I was ready, she sponsored
my application to the GP Academy."  She looked at him again.  "I
owe her everything."
	"That's great, Kiyone."
	She smiled.  "I just wanted to be like her, you know?  Return
the favor, I guess.  I just wanted to help people."  Her voice
turned into one of annoyance.  "Then I got roped with Mihoshi, so
now I get rescued more often than actually rescue people."
	Tenchi laughed.  "I think you're doing a great job, Kiyone."
	"Thanks," she said.  She stood up.  "Now, I think I'd better
go.  All we need is  for Ryoko or Aeka to come in and see us like
this, and we can say goodbye to the house again."
	He nodded.  "Okay.  I shouldn't be here, anyway."  He stood
up and looked at her again.  "Thanks, Kiyone."
	She blinked.  "What for?"
	"Your story helped, that's all."
	"Oh...okay.  See you at lunch, Tenchi."  With that, Kiyone
walked out of the bath.
	Tenchi watched her go and sighed.  "Kiyone Makibi," he said
quietly.  He blinked as new thoughts entered his mind, ideas about
Kiyone he'd never had before.
	<Well, why not?>  he asked himself.  <Out of all of them,
she's the only one who hasn't given you a hard time.  She's always
been nice to you.  She's pretty,  intelligent, independent,
outgoing...>
	He walked out of the bath, closed the door, and reopened it,
revealing the men's bath.  Settling into the water, he shut his
eyes.  He had a lot of thinking to do.

	Tenchi descended the stairs again with a firm plan of action
in his mind.  First, he had to find...<sigh>...his father.  That
proved to be easy.  It was his day off, and he had promised Sasami
he would take her hiking up the mountain today.  He managed to
catch them as they were walking out the door.
	"Hey, mind if I come along?"  he asked.
	Sasami smiled broadly.  "Sure, Tenchi!"
	"Yeah, come along, boy.  Although..."  he said mischievously,
"If we tell the other girls you're coming, they might want to come
along."
	"Um...actually, Dad, I need to talk to you, away from the
others."
	Noboyuki caught his son's serious tone of voice and nodded.
"Okay."
	"Is something wrong, Tenchi?"  Sasami asked worriedly.
	"No, Sasami," he said with a smile.  "I just need to talk to
Dad about something personal."
	"Oh...Okay, Tenchi."
	The three of them hiked into the nearby mountain of the
Masaki Shrine.  Tenchi walked beside his father, unsure as to how
to begin, and unwilling to talk as long as Sasami was in earshot.
Luckily, he didn't have to wait too long  for the opportunity to
be alone to present itself.  They came upon a grassy plateau
covered with wildflowers.  Sasami giggled and ran forward,
brandishing a butterfly net she had brought with her from the
house.  She laughed playfully as she hunted the delicate insects.
	"Okay, Tenchi,"  Noboyuki prompted him.  "What's wrong?  You
know you can tell me anything, right?"
	Tenchi sighed and nodded.  "I never thought I'd actually say
this to you, Dad," he began, "But I need some advice...about
women...."
	"SCORE!!!"  Noboyuki shouted at the sky.  He took Tenchi by
the shoulders and wiped a tear away from his eye.  "Tenchi, does
this mean you've finally made a choice?!"
	"Jeez, Dad!  Now you know why I never thought I'd say this
to you!"
	"But you have made a choice, right?"
	"Well...Kinda..."
	Noboyuki grinned.  "Well, I think you and Ryoko will make
a fine couple!"
	"Um...Dad...It's not Ryoko."
	Noboyuki blinked.  Ryoko had been his first choice for his
son.  Oh well...  "Well, Aeka is fine lady, and I don't want to
sound crass, but marrying into money is okay in my book!"
	"It's not Aeka either..."
	Tenchi's father arched an eyebrow.  "Okay," he said
supportively.  "Mihoshi's a very nice girl, and I'm sure she'll make
you an excellent..."
	Tenchi just shook his head.
	Noboyuki blinked in puzzlement.  He threw a look to Sasami,
who was still catching butterflies.  He suddenly grabbed Tenchi
by the collar of his shirt and growled.  "Listen!  I didn't raise
my son to be a pedo!  A peeper, yes!  But not a pedo!"
	"JEEZ, DAD!  NO!  WHAT KIND OF SICKO DO YOU TAKE ME FOR!?"
	Noboyuki released him.  "Oh...Then who?"
	Tenchi took a  breath.  "Kiyone," he said.
	Noboyuki's eyes went wide.  "Kiyone?"  he asked.
	Tenchi just nodded sheepishly.
	"Um...Tenchi...Kiyone's never...hinted to you or anything,
has she?"
	"Not one bit,"  Tenchi replied.
	"Let me get this straight,"  he told his son, "You're
surrounded by girls who'd walk through fire for you....and you
want the one girl who's never implied in any way that she's at
all interested in you?"
	Tenchi nodded again.
	Noboyuki nodded sagely...then smacked Tenchi on the back of
the head.
	"Ow!  Jeez!  What was that for!?"
	"For being a heartbreaker!  What will the other girls say?!"
	Tenchi grit his teeth as he rubbed the back of his head.
"You know, I'm getting kind of sick of constantly putting my life
on hold because of what the other girls would say."
	Noboyuki sighed.  "Okay, Tenchi.  If that's how you want
it."  Tenchi only nodded.  "So what do you need from me?"
	"Advice...I'm kinda new at this."
	Noboyuki smiled and put his arm around Tenchi's shoulder.
"Tenchi...welcome to the Masaki School of Scoring..."
	Tenchi groaned as he father continued on.

	Tenchi reentered the house later that day and tensed as he
felt arms encircle him from behind.
	"Oh, Ten-chi!"  Ryoko called out.  "You disappeared today!
Where did you go?!"
	"Oh...I just went hiking with Sasami and Dad...That's all....
Seriously....that's it.......I SWEAR!"
	"Um...okay,"  Ryoko said.  She released him and regarded him
worriedly.  "Are you okay, Tenchi?"
	"Yeah, I'm fine."  He walked by her and made for the kitchen,
leaving Ryoko standing there alone and puzzled.
	Aeka stepped into the hall a second later.  "Ryoko!  Let
Lord Tenc...Oh...He's gone."  Ryoko just nodded.   "Odd...Usually
he doesn't get away from you for another two minutes."
	"Yeah, I know.  I don't think he's feeling well."
	"Hmmmm,"  Aeka commented.

	He found her in the kitchen, helping Mihoshi prepare lunch.
"Hi, Kiyone,"  he greeted her, trying to sound calm and in control.
	She gave him a quick smile.  "Hi, Tenchi.  Back so soon?"
	"Yeah."
	Mihoshi turned.  "Sasami's back?!  Great!  'Cause I really
think I screwed up the soup!"  The blonde laughed nervously and
pointed to a thick, boiling cauldron of some unidentifiable liquid.
Tenchi arched an eyebrow and tried not to think about lunch.
	"Kiyone, can I ask you something?"
	She nodded.  "Shoot."
	Tenchi took a breath and implemented, "The Plan," as his
father liked to call it.
	<"Your first goal should be to find a way to spend time with
her,">  his father had told him.  <"Don't worry about asking her
out yet.  Just hang out with her.">
	"Well," Tenchi began nervously, "I have to do this project
for art class.  I have to do a portrait of someone I know, and I
was wondering if you'd agree to sit for me."
	She blinked in puzzlement.  "Why me?"
	"Well..."  Tenchi racked his brain and found an excuse.
"Well, I really can't ask any of the other girls.  Ryoko and Aeka
would get jealous, you know, and I would really like to be able
to do the portrait in peace.  And I think a portrait of you would
be pretty,"  he finished lamely, getting in a compliment.
	Kiyone smiled and nodded.  "Okay, Tenchi.  Sure.  When do
you want me?"
	Tenchi suppressed a nose bleed and stuttered.  "Well...um...
How's tomorrow afternoon?"
	She nodded again.  "Okay.  I'll come over after work.  Do
you want me to wear anything in particular?"
	Images of Kiyone wearing everything from a GP uniform to a
swimsuit popped into his head.  "Er...Whatever you want, Kiyone.
I'm sure you'll look great in anything."
	She regarded him carefully for a moment.  "Tenchi, are you
okay?"
	"Yeah,"  he said.  "Why?"
	"You just seem a little off.  Is there anything wrong?"
	He tensed.  All he needed now was for Kiyone to catch on
before he was ready.  "No.  I'm fine.  Really."
	She looked at him for another moment and nodded.  "Okay."
	"Mihoshi, what is this?"  Sasami asked.  Tenchi hadn't
noticed that she and Ryo-Ohki had entered the kitchen and were
inspecting Mihoshi's...."soup."
	"It's seafood soup!"  Mihoshi said proudly.
	Sasami and Ryo-Ohki looked up at her, looks of dread on
their faces.  "Oh....um....really?  I did't know seafood soup....
fizzled..."
	"It's a secret recipe!"  Mihoshi bragged.
	"Only because she can't remember it,"  Kiyone muttered.
	"I can too!"  Mihoshi whined.  "It's..."  She blinked and put
her finger to her lips in thought.  "Three cups of...No, that's not
it...I think it was..."  She trailed off, listing ingredients in
no particular order.
	Sasami looked from side to side to make sure no one was
watching, then tipped the pot of soup over onto the floor.  Mihoshi
saw what happened and yelped.  Sasami jumped to the floor and
began wiping the soup up with a towel.  "I'm sorry, Mihoshi!"
	Mihoshi waved it aside.  "It's okay.  It was just an
accident."  She turned, and Tenchi could have sworn he saw Mihoshi
sigh with relief.

	The next day was Monday, and Tenchi was back in school,
watching the clock and waiting for Mr. Fujisawa to finish today's
history lesson.  While the teacher droned on, Tenchi had the
opportunity to think, something he usually didn't have time for
back at the house due to how hectic things could get there.
	Why was he doing this?
	He'd never noticed Kiyone like this before.  Maybe he just
had to get through the tough-girl exterior to see the person
underneath, the person he had talked to in the bath yesterday.  She
had seemed so...vulnerable.
	Of all the girls, she was the only one hadn't given him a
difficult time.  Kiyone had never put any pressure on him.  Had
never made him feel trapped.  His father had once told him
something about love, in particular, about his mother.
	"Tenchi," he had said, "What made what I had with your mother
so special was the fact that she was my best friend first and my
lover second."
	He had a solid friendship with Kiyone.  He was sure of that.
Perhaps that would be enough to start with.  Now all he had to do
was convince Kiyone of that.
	"WHO THREW THAT!?"
	Tenchi looked up just in time to see Mr. Fujisawa facing
the class like an angry storm god.  Tenchi sighed and looked to
his right.  His friend, Akio Yasuda, looked from side to side
innocently.  "Throw what?"  he asked.
	"You, young man, have detention!"  Fujisawa barked.
	"What about due process?!"
	Tenchi couldn't help but laugh.
	"Oh!  You think it's funny, Mr. Masaki!"
	Tenchi stopped laughing.  "Um...Not really?"
	"OUTSIDE!  BOTH OF YOU!  You can come back when you decide
not to disrupt my class!"  Fujisawa thundered.
	Akio snorted as he stood up.  "I guess we'll be outside for
a long time, then."
	"OUT!!!"
	A few seconds later found Tenchi and Akio standing outside
the room, leaning against the wall.  "So what did you throw?"
Tenchi asked.
	Akio shrugged.  "Eraser.  Got some great control on it too."
He grinned.  "Got him right in the back of the head!  Did you see
it?!"
	Tenchi shook his head.  "No, but considering I got the same
punishment you did, I wish I had."
	Akio looked at him.  "You've been distracted all morning.
What happened to the goody goody act?"
	"Just had a lot on my mind,"  Tenchi told him.
	Akio grinned.  "It's a girl, ain't it?"
	Tenchi didn't answer.
	Akio shook his head.  "Figures.  Every time a guy starts
getting some action, he forgets all about his friends...fucking
jerk..."
	"It's not like that,"  Tenchi told him.
	"So, who is it?"  Akio asked, ignoring him.  "Kumiko from
biology class?"  he asked with a leer.
	"No."
	"Yumika from phys ed?"
	"No,"  Tenchi told him.  "She's...an older woman."
	Akio blinked.  "You son of a bitch!  How the hell did you
snare an older girl!?"
	"Well, that's the problem...I haven't exactly...well...
'snared' her yet."  Tenchi said this sheepishly.
	"I'm intrigued...jealous and mad as hell that you didn't
think to hook me up with one of her friends...but intrigued
nonetheless."  He grinned evilly.  "Let's go."
	Tenchi blinked.  "Go where?"
	"I wanna meet her."
	"WHAT?!"
	Akio nodded.  "Yeah.  And I think you owe it to me, so let's
go."
	"We're in school!  We have detention!"
	Akio rolled his eyes.  "Like old man of the mountain is
going to remember.  It's last period.  No one will know!  Hey,
does this chick have a sister?"
	Tenchi just blinked in shock.  Shock at what his friend was
suggesting and shock that he was actually considering it.  "Well...
there's Mihoshi..."
	"Mihoshi,"  Akio repeated.  "Mihoshi...Mihoshi....Akio and
Mihoshi...Mihoshi and Akio...."  He paused and nodded.  "Yeah, I
can see that.  Let's go."  He started walking down the hall
towards the exit.
	"Akio!"  Tenchi hissed.  "Are you insane?!"
	"Come on, Gooder!  Be a man!"  he said, using the nickname
he *knew* Tenchi hated.  "Gooder."  As in, "Do gooder."  Tenchi
didn't budge.  "Look, Tench, when the old man comes out of that
classroom, he's going to notice you standing there.  Then he's
going to ask you where *I* am.  You, being a wuss and not a rat,
will tell him you don't know.  Then he'll start ragging on you
for letting me go.  Do you *really* wanna hang around for that?"
	Tenchi took a breath, grumbled, said a silent prayer, and
followed Akio out the door.

	The two boys entered the diner, Tenchi looking spooked
enough to have a heart attack right there.  He kept checking his
watch.  <Three-oh-five....Class just let out...Mr. Fujisawa is
probably calling Dad right now...>
	Akio didn't seem to care.  "Okay, which one is...Oh my..."
He was staring off in another direction.  "Tenchi, if you're
really my friend you won't say it's the blonde."
	<Dad is going to *KILL* me!>  Tenchi was thinking nervously.
	"Oh, god!  She has blue eyes!  I *love* blue eyes and blonde
hair..."
	<Oh, yeah, smooth move, Tenchi!>  Tenchi thought to himself.
<You're suppose to paint Kiyone today.  What are you gonna say?
'Sorry, Kiyone, but I got grounded?'>
	He snapped out of it as he felt Akio grab him by the front of
the shirt.  "If it's the blonde, I'll fight you for her!"  he told
him seriously.  "I swear to god, Tenchi, I'll fucking kill you!"
	Tenchi blinked.  "Huh?  No!  That's Mihoshi!"
	Akio blinked.  "That's Mihoshi?"  He grinned.  "Oh, there is
a god...AND HE LOVES ME!"
	Tenchi blinked as he saw Kiyone standing next to a table,
refilling a cup of coffee.  "That's her," he said quietly.
"Kiyone."
	Akio took a look and whistled.  "Damn, Tenchi, you don't
deserve that!"
	"I know," he told Akio quietly.
	Akio gave him a smile.  "Want me to make an ass of myself
so you can 'rescue' her?"
	Tenchi smiled.  "I wouldn't, if I were you. She'd mop the
floor with you."
	"Foreplay...alright,"  Akio remarked.  "Tell you what, you
grab a table,"  he told Tenchi while he quickly combed his hair.
"Meanwhile, I'll make contact with the secondary target and pump
her for information."
	Tenchi smiled ruefully.  "Sure thing, James Bond.  But listen,
Mihoshi's a little...odd."
	Akio grinned.  "Good."  He started for the blonde waitress
at the other end of the diner.  Tenchi sighed and sat down.
	"Hey, Tenchi,"  he heard.  Tenchi almost jumped three feet
in the air.
	"Oh!  Hi, Kiyone!"
	Kiyone was standing next to his table now.  "What are you
doing here?"  she asked with a smile.
	"Um...I thought I'd come and say hi," he lied.
	The both turned as they heard the sound of a sharp slap from
the other end of the diner.  "That's disgusting!"  they heard
Mihoshi cry.  A few minutes later, Akio came walking back to the
table.
	"She'll come around," he assured Tenchi.  He noticed Kiyone
and smiled.  "And you must be Kiyone.  Tenchi's told me a lot about
you."
	"Hi,"  Kiyone said.  "Friend of yours, Tenchi?"
	"Yeah,"  Tenchi said, suddenly wondering if it was a good
idea for Akio and Kiyone to meet.  "This is Akio Yasuda.  A friend
from school."
	Akio sat down at the table.  "Nice to meet you," he said.
"By the way, your friend's hot.  Is she available?"
	Kiyone rolled her eyes and sighed.  "She's for sale if you
want her..."
	Akio seemed to think this over and frowned.  "Are you
kidding!?  You can get into real trouble for something like that!"
	Kiyone gave up.  "You guys want something to eat?"
	"That's okay..."  Tenchi started to say just as Akio said,
	"Cheeseburger, extra grease and a coke."
	"What about you, Tenchi?"  Kiyone asked, jotting the order
down.
	"Um...A coke is fine."
	Kiyone walked off.  Akio turned and watched as she walked
away.  "Not bad, Gooder," he said, "So what's your next move?"
	Tenchi sighed.  "Well, I'm going to be painting her for art
class.  I figure that'll let us spend some time together."
	Akio frowned.  "Here's a novel thought:  Ask her out."
	"It's...difficult to explain,"  Tenchi said.
	"Uh huh.  Wanna hear an idea?"  he asked.  Tenchi nodded.
"Okay, true story.  Once, when my old girlfriend in Osaka was mad
at me..."
	"I didn't know you lived in Osaka,"  Tenchi commented.
	"You wanna hear the idea or play geography?"  Tenchi frowned
and just nodded.  "Anyway, she was pissed because I broke a date
or kissed her sister or something.  I really don't remember.  So,
to get back on her good side, one night I climbed this tree outside
her window and serenaded her."
	Tenchi blinked.  "That sounds romantic..."
	"Finally, she got tired of hearing me stumble through 'My
Heart Will Go On,' gave up, and let me in."
	Tenchi just stared, his expression deadpan.  "How romantic,"
he commented.
	"Hey, it worked, didn't it?!"  Akio asked in annoyance.
"Where the hell is my grease burger?"
	"Well, no offense, Akio, but I don't think singing's up my
alley."
	Akio shrugged.  "Fine.  Just remember this, you're a guy,
and she's a woman."  He grinned.  "And that means you are going to
be doing some *stupid* shit before all of this is said and done."
	Tenchi just sighed.

	He had just said goodbye to Akio outside the diner when he
heard her voice call his name.
	"Tenchi?"
	He turned to find Kiyone and Mihoshi stepping out of the
small restauraunt.  "Ready to go?"  she asked.
	"Go?"
	"You want to do my portrait today, right?"  she told him.
"We just got off work.  I was going to catch the bus to the shrine.
I figured that's why you came by."
	Tenchi took the opening and ran with it.  "Yeah.  Let's go."
	The three walked to the bus stop and got there just as the
bus was pulling up.  Tenchi managed to get a seat next to Kiyone
and spent the next hour a nervous wreck as he tried to make polite
chit chat with her.
	"Are you sure you're feeling all right, Tenchi?"  Kiyone
asked again.  <Maybe I hit him harder than I thought,>  she
thought to herself.
	"I'm fine, Kiyone, I'm just wondering...what shade to use
for your hair."  <IDIOT!  IDIOT!  IDIOT!>
	"Okay,"  she said.  "She held up a small, overnight bag.  I
brought a dress to wear.  I figured you wouldn't want a portrait of
me in a waitress outfit, and my GP uniform would probably raise too
many questions, so I brought this."
	Tenchi nodded.  "I'm sure you'll look great."

	The door opened and Ryoko sprung.  "TENCHI!"  she squealed
as she flew forward and glomped onto the form entering the front
door.
	"Hi, Ryoko,"  a voice other than Tenchi's greeted back.
	Ryoko opened her eyes and found that she had glomped onto
Kiyone, and was squeezing in a few rather inappropriate places.
"Um...Hi, Kiyone..."  She released the GP, searched out with her
yellow eyes, and found her true target.  "TENCHI!"  she squealed
as she flew forward and glomped onto the young boy.
	"Hi, Ryoko,"  Tenchi said.
	"Lord Tenchi!  Welco....GET OFF HIM, YOU MANNERLESS THIEF!"
	Tenchi sighed as Ryoko turned to face Aeka.  "I was just
saying hello!  You know, little princess, I had no idea you were
*that* insecure."
	"INSECURE?!"
	Tenchi took a breath and gestured to the stairs.  "After you,
Kiyone."  The two left the fighting girls to their quarrel,
neither noticing that Tenchi had just led a woman to his bedroom.
After all, it was only Kiyone.  What did they have to worry about?
	Apparently, it didn't matter, and the two caught on two
minutes later.
	"TENCHI!"  The two practically flew up the stairs to Tenchi's
room only to find Tenchi standing outside his bedroom door.  He
looked up at them and blinked.
	"Um...Hi."
	"Tenchi,"  Ryoko began stepping forward.  "Where's Kiyone?"
	"She's changing in my room,"  he told her nonchalantly.
	"*Why* is she changing in *your* room?"  Aeka asked, pushing
ahead of Ryoko.  "Wouldn't the bathroom be more suitable for that?"
	Tenchi gulped nervously.  "Well...I..."
	"Okay, Tenchi, I'm ready for you,"  Kiyone's voice came
through the door.
	Tenchi looked at the door in fear.  Ryoko and Aeka's eyes
went wide.
	"L..Lord Tenchi....What does she mean by that?"  Aeka asked
fearfully.
	Before Tenchi could react, Ryoko opened the door and stormed
inside.  Kiyone was sitting next to the window in front of an
easel, wearing a long, green dress that went down to her ankles.
	Tenchi pushed his way past the stunned Ryoko.  "Tenchi?
What's going on?"  Ryoko asked pitifully.
	"Kiyone agreed to model for a portrait for art class,"
Tenchi told her, not facing her.
	"Oh, that's so silly!"  Ryoko said, disappearing and
reappearing between Kiyone and the easel.  "If you wanted a model,
all you had to do was tell me!"  She grinned wickedly.  "I'll
even pose nude...since it's art,"  she purred.
	Aeka pushed Ryoko out of the way and laughed.  "Oh, Ryoko!
You're such a joker!  After all, Tenchi has an opportunity to
paint a portrait of the Princess of Jurai!"
	Ryoko faced off with her and grinned, pointing at Aeka's
chest.  "He's not doing a landscape painting of Kansas.  What would
he need *you* for?"
	Aeka growled and rolled up her sleeves.  Before she could say
anything, Tenchi intervened.  "*This* is why I asked Kiyone,"  he
said, glad to see that the excuse he used was justified.  "Now,
please, I have a lot of work to do."
	"But Tenchi!"  they both cried at once.
	"Please," he said again.
	The two girls sighed and walked out, the door shutting
behind them.
	"Imagine!"  Ryoko growled.  "Kiyone making a move on *my*
Tenchi!  I bet she's the one who put him up to that whole painting
idea!"
	Aeka blinked in shock.  "Really?  THE NERVE OF HER!"
	"Well, it's not going to work,"  Ryoko growled.
	"What do we do?"  Aeka asked.
	Ryoko looked at Aeka.  "First, we put aside our past in favor
of fighting the greater evil.  Agreed?"  She stuck out her hand.
	Aeka took it and shook it.  "Agreed.  Once Kiyone's no longer
a threat, we can go back to business as usual."
	"Right.  Now come on.  I think I have an idea."
	The two walked down the stairs, whispering to one another.

	"Okay, Kiyone, just relax and look natural."
	"No problem,"  Kiyone told him, sitting next to the window.
	Tenchi began to sketch on the canvas.  Kiyone sat there,
smiling, trying not to move around too much.  As he sketched the
lines of her face, he thought again about how beautiful she really
was.  It was amazing that he had never noticed.  It wasn't the kind
of obvious beauty that you found with Ryoko or the exotic charms of
Aeka.  It was more subtle, just beneath the surface.  He continued
to sketch.
	"So...Kiyone...Tell me more about yourself," he said stupidly,
cursing himself for being a clumsy clod at the same time.
	Kiyone just smiled at him.  "Well, there's not a whole lot
to tell."
	"Okay, so tell me about how you met Mihoshi," he suggested.
There.  A nice, safe, neutral topic.  Chit chat.  This is what he
wanted, right?  A chance just to get to know her better.
	"We met at the Academy, actually.  I was in the top ten
percent of my class, and she was having trouble with stellar
navigation, so I was assigned to tutor her."
	"Ah,"
	Kiyone's voice turned cross.  "I guess because we spent so
much time together, someone in command got it in their head that
we were friends and had us partnered together."
	"Oh."
	"What about you?"
	"Huh?"  He looked up from the canvas at her.
	"Yeah, well, aside from the fact that a princess and a
pirate are both after you, I really don't know much about you.
Isn't that odd?"
	"Um...well...Before you guys came into my life, it was pretty
boring."  He started sketching again.  "I mean, hardly anything
happened around here.  I guess I should thank you guys."
	She smiled.  "Don't mention it."
	He put the pencil down for a moment and took a breath.
"Kiyone...Would you...um....I mean...would you like to..."
	Kiyone just blinked.
	"You wanna get some dinner?"  he asked quickly.
	"You want to take a dinner break already?"  she asked,
missing the point.
	Dammit!  This was hard enough the first time!  Now he had to
repeat it!?
	"No...I don't mean *now*."  He faultered.  "I was just
wondering if, sometime, you would like to have dinner...with
me.......alone."
	Kiyone stared at him.  "Tenchi...are you asking me out?"
	"Well...yeah."
	Kiyone took a breath.  "Um...Tenchi...I'm flattered....really,
I am.  I mean...*really* flattered.  After all, you have Ryoko and
Aeka chasing after you, and Mihoshi too....but...I..."  She broke
off and took a breath.  "I can't."
	Tenchi felt his heart fall into his stomach.  "Oh."  That
was it.  That was all he could get out.  One single syllable.
	"I mean, I like you, you're my friend, and all....but I just
don't think it would work out...you know?"
	He nodded woodenly.  "Sure."  He smiled slightly.  "I just
thought I'd ask."
	Kiyone looked at him worriedly and stood up.  "I think I
should grab Mihoshi and take her home.  We have to go on patrol
tomorrow."
	Tenchi stood up.  <Dammit!  I pushed too far, too fast!>
"Are you sure, Kiyone?  I didn't mean to insult you or..."
	"You didn't insult me!"  she said quickly, grabbing her
overnight bag.  "It's just..."  She stopped and sighed.  "Look,
Tenchi, you're my friend, and a good one, so I don't tend to
think of you....in *that* way."  Tenchi just nodded.  "And...well...
the idea that you think of me like that...it's just a little weird
right now, okay?"  She looked regretful as she said this, as if
she really didn't want to hurt him, but didn't see a way around it.
	"Um...sure, Kiyone.  I understand.  I didn't mean  to..."
	"I know," she said.  "But I think I should just go home right
now, okay?"  He nodded.
	She returned his nod and walked past  him and out the door.

	"What's wrong with it!?  It's a good plan!"  Ryoko cried,
slamming her fist down onto the kitchen table in emphasis.
	Aeka took a sip of tea and held onto her calm.  "No, Ryoko.
Distracting Kiyone, then hitting her on the back of the head with
a snow shovel is not a plan, IT'S MANSLAUGHTER!"
	"Hmmph!"  Ryoko said, crossing her arms over her chest.
"Well, do you have a better idea?!"
	"As a matter of fact, I..."  Aeka paused as she saw Kiyone
walk past the door.  "Well, well, well...This is unexpected."
	"Distract her!  I'll go get the shovel!"
	"For the last time, no!"  Aeka cried.
	Noboyuki was coming in the front door just as Kiyone reached
it.  He smiled at her.  "Hi, Kiyone.  Is Tenchi done painting,
already?"
	"Yeah,"  Kiyone said nervously.  "Is Mihoshi outside?"
	Noboyuki nodded.  "She's by the lake playing with Sasami."
	"Thanks,"  she said as she walked past him.  Noboyuki just
blinked.

	Kiyone left the house, turning her head and looking up.  She
could see the window to Tenchi's room.  <Dammit, just when I
thought things around here couldn't get weirder, he had to go and
do *that*!>
	She turned back and stopped on a dime.  Ryoko and Aeka were
standing in front of her, arms crossed over their chests and their
expressions were far from friendly.  <Oh....goody...>  she thought.
	"Hi, Kiyone,"  Ryoko said with an unfriendly smile.  "How
did the portrait come out?"
	"Actually,"  she said quickly, "I forgot that Mihoshi and I
have to go on patrol, so we cut it short."  She went to move past
them.  Aeka stepped in her way.
	"That's a shame,"  Aeka told her.  "So...what did you and
Tenchi talk about?"
	"Oh...you know...stuff..."  She made to circle around the
princess, but Ryoko put an arm around her shoulder in a friendly
manner that sent a chill up her spine.
	"Kiyone, before you go, why don't you come with me to the
tool shed?  I want to show you this snow shovel Noboyuki bought..."
	The pirate released her as Aeka smacked her arm.  "Will you
stop with the shovel already!?"
	"Uh...guys, I really have to go.  I'll see you later, okay?"
Kiyone managed to shoulder past them.  "Mihoshi, let's go,"  she
called out.
	"But, Ki-yo-ne!"  Mihoshi whined.  "Sasami's making Chinese
food for dinner tonight!  I wanna stay!"
	Kiyone threw a nervous look at Ryoko and Aeka.  "Another
time, okay?"  she hissed at her partner.
	"But..."
	"Dammit!  I'll buy you Chinese food if you just come with me!"
	Mihoshi brightened.  "Oh!  Okay!"  She waved to Sasami.  "Bye,
Sasami!"
	"You can't leave yet, Kiyone,"  Aeka said, plastering a smile
on her face.  "You'll miss dinner."
	"Um...Thanks, but we really have to go."  Kiyone turned and
started down the path to the road.
	Ryoko glared.  "So much for your lame ass plan!"  she snapped
at Aeka.
	"Well, we shouldn't do anything too rash until we know for
sure what's going on!"
	"What's going on?"  Sasami asked, as she walked up to them.
	"Nothing, Sasami,"  Aeka told her.
	"Sasami,"  Ryoko began, kneeling next to the little princess.
"You were talking to Mihoshi...Did she say anything about...Kiyone
and Tenchi?"
	Sasami nodded.
	Aeka's eyes went wide.  "What did she say?"
	"Well, nothing much.  Just that Tenchi came to see her at
work today after school and rode with them on the bus ride to the
shrine."
	Ryoko and Aeka looked to one another in shocked realization.
	"M...Meeting her after school..."  Aeka stammered out.
	"Riding home with her on the bus..."  Ryoko said, her eyes
narrowing.
	The two women looked at each other and cried out in unison,
"THAT LITTLE SLUT!"

	Kiyone stared out the window of the bus as it bounced down
the road into town.  Sitting beside her, Mihoshi was staring dead
ahead in an eerie manner.  She did this sometimes.  Kiyone once
asked her what she was doing, and Mihoshi had told her she was
watching an episode of Scooby Doo in her head.
	After that Kiyone never asked about Mihoshi's thoughts ever
again.
	Until now.
	"Mihoshi," she began, "What do you think of Tenchi?"
	Mihoshii blinked for a minute as she was pulled away from her
"thoughts."  She turned to her partner in puzzlement.  "Well, I
think he's really sweet!"  she said with a smile.  "He was always
very kind to me...even after I tried to blow him up when Ryoko and
I crashed here."
	Kiyone said nothing.  "He's a nice boy,"  she commented
finally.
	Mihoshi nodded enthusiastically.  "Yeah!"  Her voice turned
a little sad.  "It's too bad Ryoko and Aeka want him.  I wouldn't
mind having a boyfriend like him."
	Kiyone smiled.  "I'm a little old for him, Mihoshi."
	"Huh?"
	"I said you're a little old for him,"  Kiyone said.
	Mihoshi just blinked.  She could've sworn Kiyone had said...
Well, it wasn't important.  "Yeah," she replied.  "But it's not
like I'm ancient or anything, and after all that stuff with Kagato
and Kain, he's hardly a little boy."
	"Hmmm,"  Kiyone said.
	"What about you?"  Mihoshi asked.
	Kiyone faced her and blinked.  "Huh?!"
	"Well,"  her partner asked, "Wouldn't you want someone like
Tenchi?"
	Kiyone laughed nervously.  "Maybe someone *like* him, but
not him."  Mihoshi stared in confusion.  "Well...He's..."
	"What?"
	Kiyone tried to find a way to word it.  "He's wishy-washy,"
she told Mihoshi.  "I mean, he's my friend and all, but sometimes
I see the way he acts around Ryoko and Aeka, and I just wanna
smack him."  Mihoshi's mouth fell open in shock.  "I mean, yes,
it would be nice to have a guy who's kind and brave, but..."
	"But?"
	"He's a little dull too, ya know?"
	Mihoshi couldn't believe what she was hearing.  "Well," she
said, "It doesn't really make a difference what you think, right?
Either Ryoko or Aeka will get him."
	"Actually,  Mihoshi, I thought he'd be perfect for you."
	"Really?!"  Mihoshi said, practically bouncing in her seat
in glee.
	Kiyone nodded.  "Yeah."
	Mihoshi blinked.  "Wait a minute, didn't you just say he
was..."
	"Mihoshi,"  Kiyone said with a smile, "Take the compliment
for what it is and let's drop it, okay?"
	"Well...If you say so, Kiyone."

	Tenchi was lying in bed, staring at the ceiling when he
heard the knock on his door.  He turned and called out that it was
open.  His father entered.
	"I get the feeling it didn't go well,"  Noboyuki said,
sitting down on the edge of his son's bed.
	Tenchi sighed.  "Yeah, well, I guess I should've expected it."
	"What do you mean?"
	Tenchi sat up in bed and took a minute to find a way to word
it.  "Well...I always knew Kiyone was different from the others.
She was always the most independent.  Remember after she arrived
and you offered to let her and Mihoshi stay here rent free, and
she turned you down?"  Noboyuki nodded.  "Well, that's just part
of what makes her special.  The other girls stuck around, but she
felt the need to carve her own way.  I don't think I could've done
that.  Alone on an alien world.  Maybe we're just too  different.
I guess she sees that I'm nothing like her and just doesn't have
any interest."
	"Now you're just selling yourself short, Tenchi,"  Noboyuki
said.  "So she said she didn't want to go out with you.  So what?"
	Tenchi arched an eyebrow.  "She gave me the 'friends,' line."
	Noboyuki winced.  "Ouch.  I always gave Kiyone more credit
than to use *that* line..."
	"Well, it's true.  I mean, we *are* friends.  Now, not only
did I just ruin any chance of getting her to go out with me,  I've
probably ruined a good friendship too."
	"You're at the crossroads, boy,"  Noboyuki told him seriously.
"Now you have to choose.  Do you want to be just her friend, or
do you want to be more.  You can have one or the other, but not
both, and there's a risk both ways."
	Tenchi looked at him.  "I want more."
	Noboyuki smiled.  "Then you have to press.  Don't let up
after one rejection.  If at first you don't succeed, never try
again....Wait that didn't come out right...."
	"I think I see what you're trying to say,"  Tenchi said
suddenly.
	Noboyuki blinked.  "Um....you do?"
	"Yeah."  Tenchi sat up straighter.  "It's like Ryoko and
Aeka!"
	Noboyuki almost sighed in relief.  Maybe Tenchi would give
up on Kiyone and try for Ry...
	"I have to be just like them!  Tenacious!  I have to keep
trying!"
	Noboyuki sighed, and smiled for his son's benefit.  "Thatta
boy!"
	Tenchi took a breath.  "I know now what I must do," he said
seriously.
	His father looked at him worriedly.  "O...kay..."
	Tenchi hopped out of bed and started looking through his
closet.  He would have to move quickly.

	"Good night, Kiyone!"  Mihoshi sang out cheerily from her
futon.
	"Yeah, sure, whatever..."  was the grumpy reply from nearby.
Mihoshi reached out and turned off the lamp before lying back down
and closing her eyes.  She heard the curtains flapping in the
breeze.  It was hot out this time of year, so they had left the
window open to get some air.
	Mihoshi had only been lyinng down for ten minutes when she
sat up again.
	She needed a drink of water.
	She groaned slightly and got up out of bed, rising to her
feet and yawning.  As she walked to the kitchen, she happened to
glance out the window.
	Something moved.
	No...wait...scratch that.
	Some*one* moved.
	Mihoshi blinked and stared out into the darkness.  There was
someone in the tree near their window.
	Mihoshi gasped.
	"A prowler!"  she gasped out.
	No, worse...
	"A PEEPER!!!"  she screamed.
	Kiyone shot up in bed.  "What the f..."
	The person in the tree seemed to realize he had been caught.
Leaves rustled as he tried to get down.
	"PEEPER!"  Mihoshi screamed again, grabbing a vase off the
nightstand.
	She heard the snaps and cracks as the branch under the
pervert gave way, then the thud of something heavy hitting the
ground.  Mihoshi ran to the window and flung the vase out at the
prowler.  "TAKE THAT!"  she yelled.
	"OWW!"  came a shout preceded by the sound of glass breaking.
	"MIHOSHI!  WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON!?"  Kiyone screamed.
	"PEEPER!"  Mihoshi continued to scream.  She continued to
throw objects out the window.  A picture frame, an alarm clock....
	She picked up her blaster off the nightstand.
	She heard footsteps as the peeper took off.  Mihoshi aimed
carefully along the barrell....
	Then threw the blaster at him like a championship baseball
pitcher.
	*THWACK!*
	"OOOOOOWWWWWWWWW!"
	Mihoshi took several deep breaths.  He was gone.
	"Mihoshi!"
	The blonde turned to Kiyone and hugged her.  "Oh, Kiyone!  I
was so scared!"
	Kiyone hugged her partner and bit down a retort.  "Okay, it's
okay, Mihoshi..."

	Akio rested against the side of the car and yawned.  He
wondered how the serenade was going.
	He got his answer when Tenchi came stumbling down the street
a moment later, his hand rubbing the back of his head.  The
flowers he had brought with him were a shredded mess.
	"Holy shit, dude!  What the fuck happened to you?!"  Akio
cried.
	Tenchi collapsed against the car and panted.
"MI...HO....SHI...."
	Akio grinned.  "I see."
	"Need...new...plan..."  Tenchi gasped.
	Akio thought a moment.  "How do you feel about skywriting?"
	Tenchi shook his head urgently, gasping for breath.
	"Okay, whaddya got in mind?"
	Tenchi gasped.  "Un...conditional....surrender..."
	Akio grimaced.  "You can't give up now, Gooder!  If you don't
bag Kiyone, how the hell am I gonna get Mihoshi to go out with me!?"
	"Not...my...problem..."
	Akio glared.  "Fine.  I'll handle this."  He rolled up his
sleeves and started for Kiyone and Mihoshi's place.
	"NO!"  Tenchi gasped.
	"Fine!  Then you're *not* giving up!"
	Tenchi just sighed.

	Noboyuki hummed as he walked to the bathroom, tying his
bathrobe as he went.  He had had a long day at work, and now it
was time for a long, soothing soak.
	He opened the bathroom door and found Ryoko and Aeka staring
back at him from the other side, their arms folded over their
chests and their expressions severe enough to melt lead.
	Noboyuki screamed and shut the door again!
	He stood there panting for a moment, then mustering all the
composure he could, he opened the door and smiled.
	"Hello, girls," he said.  "What can I...Ooomph!"  This last
part was uttered as the girls grabbed him and dragged him into the
bathroom.  Aeka stuck her head into the hall and checked both
directions before ducking back inside and closing the door.  The
door locked with an ominous 'click.'
	Ryoko, meanwhile, was holding Noboyuki upside down by the
foot over the tub.  The aging architect was trying desperately
to keep his robe from falling down over his head, but more to
maintain some semblance of dignity.
	"Mr. Masaki,"  Aeka began sweetly, smiling from her place
next to the door.  "Can we trouble you for a moment?"
	"Um...sure..."  Noboyuki said.
	"We're curious about something.  You see, we are greatly
concerned for the..."
	"WHERE'S TENCHI!?"  Ryoko cried, already bored of Aeka's
oratory.
	"I don't know!"  Noboyuki whimpered.
	Ryoko glared...then let him go.  Noboyuki screamed like a
little girl as he fell a full six inches  before Ryoko caught his
ankle again.
	"We can do this the hard way or the easy way, Mr. Masaki,"
Aeka pointed out sweetly.  "We're just concerned for him."
	"Yeah, *real* concerned,"  Ryoko agreed, dipping Noboyuki
another inch toward the hot water below him.
	"I really don't know, girls,"  Noboyuki said with a nervous
laugh.  "You know Tenchi.  Off without a word to anyone...especially
me."  He laughed again looked back and forth between the two girls.
	Aeka glared then nodded once to Ryoko.  Ryoko lowered him
into the tub, dunking Noboyuki's head into the water.  Noboyuki
sputtered as Ryoko hauled him back up.
	"I...I really don't know!"  he blubbered.
	Ryoko dunked him again, keeping his head under water for a
few  seconds longer than last time.  She pulled him up.
	"KIYONE'S!  HE WENT TO KIYONE'S!"  Noboyuki blubbered
shamelessly.
	Ryoko and Aeka both gasped in shock.  Ryoko was so surprised,
she dropped Noboyuki, who fell into the water with a humongous
splash.
	"He's...he's at Kiyone's?"  Aeka whispered.
	"Kiyone..."  Ryoko growled.
	The two girls looked at each other.
	"LET'S GO!"  they cried, and ran/flew out the bathroom door.
	Noboyuki surfaced and sighed.  "A nice...soothing...soak..."
He closed his eyes, his head falling back against the side of the
tub.

	Kiyone rolled over in her futon and moaned in frustration.
She just couldn't nod off tonight.
	<Why me?>  she thought again.  <He can have his pick of
women, and yet he has to go and make my life that much more
confusing by asking *me* out!  God!  I feel like I'm in a bad
anime!>
	She growled again.  It was obvious she wasn't going to get
any sleep tonight.  She opened her eyes and reached out, turning
on the nearby lamp.
	Ryoko was standing over her, a snow shovel held above her
head.  Kiyone blinked.  Startled at being caught in the act, Ryoko
blinked back.
	"Ryoko?!  What the hell are you doing?!"
	Ryoko looked from side to side for a moment before saying,
"Nuth'n."
	"Then what are you doing with that shovel?"  Kiyone asked
with a skeptical sneer on her face.
	Ryoko paused for a moment.  "What shovel?"
	Before Kiyone could reply, she heard someone outside running
up the stairs to her apartment.  Suddenly, the front door crashed
open and Aeka ran inside.
	"Ah HA!"  she declared.  "I've caught you in the act you
shameless huss..."  She stopped and looked around in confusion.
"Where's Lord Tenchi?"
	"Hmmm,"  Kiyone said, adopting an expression of mock
pensiveness.  "One o'clock in the morning...I'm thinking...oh, I
don't know...HIS ROOM!"
	"Hey!  Don't start with us, Kiyone!  We know what you're up
to!"  Ryoko cried, brandishing the shovel.
	"Yes!"  Aeka threw in.  "And it won't work!  Your whorish
attempts to seduce Lord Tenchi will be for naught!"
	Kiyone growled and decided to reply with all the grace and
dignity the situation called for.
	"WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TWO IDIOTS TALKING ABOUT!?!?!?"  she
screamed.
	Three blocks away, car alarms went off, babies woke up crying,
and dogs bayed at the moon.
	Mihoshi sat up in her futon nearby and yawned, rubbing the
sleep out of her eyes.  "Oh, is it morning already?"
	"There's no way in hell you're getting *my* Tenchi!"  Ryoko
cried.
	Aeka took the pirate's shoulder and turned her around.  "I
thought we agreed.  No claiming Tenchi until the current crisis
is resolved,"  Aeka reminded her.
	"Hey, it's not going to change anything in the long run!"
Ryoko shot back.
	"Then you shouldn't have a problem with not saying it!"
Aeka retorted.
	"Is breakfast ready?"  Mihoshi asked.
	"SHUT UP!"  Kiyone, Ryoko, and Aeka barked back in unison.
	"Oh..."  was Mihoshi only reply.  "What are we talking about?"
	Ryoko fielded this question.  "We're talking about your
slutty partner here putting the moves on *my*..."  Behind her,
Aeka cleared her throat.  Ryoko rolled her eyes and amended this
statement.  "On *our* Tenchi!"
	Kiyone shot to her feet and faced off with the pirate.  "I
am *not* after Tenchi!"
	"Oh!"  Aeka said, throwing her hands in the air.  "Next
you'll be telling us that *he's* chasing after *you*!"
	"What if he was!?"  Kiyone shot back.
	"You're delusional!"  Ryoko cried.  "And you're not getting
him!"
	"I don't want him!"
	"That's right!"  Mihoshi said, coming to her friends aid.
"Kiyone thinks Tenchi is too wishy washy!"
	Kiyone buried her face in her hands.  Aeka gasped.
	"WISHY WASHY!?"  the princess cried.
	"You little *BITCH*!"  Ryoko snapped.  "How can you call
him that!?"
	"SHUT UP!"  Kiyone screamed.  She pointed at the door.  "I
want you all out of my house!  Now!"
	Aeka pushed  to the front.  "We're not fini..."
	"NOW!"  Kiyone's voice had taken on a satanic bass that
shook the floorboards.  Ryoko and Aeka froze.  Mihoshi just blinked.
	The princess and the pirate began to backpedal towards the
door.  Kiyone marched after them, giving them rough shoves
whenever  they were too slow.  Finally, the two were walking down
the steps and away from the apartment.
	"And tell Tenchi I said hi!"  Kiyone shouted at their backs,
unwilling to let one last shot slip through her fingers.  She
slammed the door.  "I can't believe those two!"  she growled.
	"Does this mean we're not having breakfast?"  Mihoshi asked.

	"Here, drink this,"  Akio told him, placing a shot glass in
front of him.
	Tenchi blinked.  "How did you get this?!  You're the same
age I am!"
	Akio grinned and sat in the booth across from him.  "My
uncle owns this bar.  Don't worry about it.  Besides, you seem
to need it."
	Tenchi sniffed the drink then drank it in one swallow like
they do it in the movies.  He gagged and spat it back up a moment
later.
	"Yeah, little hint, don't do that,"  Akio told him.
	Tenchi coughed for another minute before he could speak
again.  "What am I going to do?"  he asked.  "I never thought
it'd be this hard.  Now I know how Ryoko and Aeka feel."
	"Ryoko and Aeka?"  Akio asked.
	"Don't ask."
	Akio shrugged.  "Okay, so your serenade didn't work.  You'll
get another chance."
	Tenchi sighed.
	"If you don't mind my asking,"  Akio said, nursing a coke,
"What is it about this girl that's got you so bent out of shape?
I mean, yeah, she's hot, but I know you.  There has to be more."
	Tenchi opened his mouth to speak, but paused.  Finally, he
got words out.  "Well...besides being pretty, and smart, and
kind...She's very down-to-earth, you know?  I mean...the other
girls are so..."  He looked for a good word.  "Extreme," he
finally got out.
	Akio smiled and took a sip of coke.  "Where have you been
hanging out, and why the hell didn't you invite me?"
	"It's real hard to explain.  With Kiyone...it's like I'm
not expected to *be* anything I'm not prepared to be.  I'm
comfortable around her."  He sighed.  "You have no idea what a
nice change that makes."
	"Ah."
	"But what am I gonna do now?"  Tenchi asked, burying his face
in his hands.  "Mihoshi saw me.  Kiyone probably thinks I'm a
peeping pervert like my father.  It's over," he finished.  "I'll
be lucky if she even talks to me anymore."
	Akio smiled for his friend's benefit.  "Nah!  Cheer up,
Gooder!  If she's as cool a person as you make her out to be,
she'll probably laugh about it, and if she's so stuck up as to
make it an issue, then fuck her!"
	Tenchi just sighed.

	Ryoko and Aeka just sighed.
	"Well, now what, Princess?"  Ryoko asked, taking a full gulp
of sake straight from the bottle.  The two women sat in the
women's bath, trying to come up with some way, any way, of keeping
Tenchi from falling into the clutches of, as Aeka had put it,
"That GP monster woman."
	Aeka sighed again.  "I don't know.  She's more cunning than
I first thought.  I see her plan for what it is now.  She *wanted*
us to confront her at her home.  Now she'll tell Tenchi that we
broke in and harassed her.  Mihoshi will be her witness, and it
will help turn him against me...er...us."
	Ryoko growled and threw the empty bottle of sake against
the wall.  "How!?  That's what bothers me!  How the hell did she
get him!?"
	"Simple, Ryoko,"  Aeka told her.  "While you and I were
fighting over him, she swooped in like a hawk and plucked him
from my loving embrace."
	Ryoko glared at her.
	Aeka sighed.  "*Our* loving embrace."
	"So what do we do now?"  Ryoko asked.
	Aeka took a deep breath, a look of determination crossed
her gentle features.  "We strike back!"
	Ryoko brightened and floated out of the bath.  "Right!  I'll
get the shovel!"
	"No!  We must be more cunning than that."  Aeka stroked her
chin in thought.  "What if we could show Tenchi just what a monster
Kiyone is?"
	"Hmmmm..."  was Ryoko's reply.  "How do we do that?"
	Aeka smiled.  "We could get her to try to arrest you again,"
she suggested.
	"Oh, no you don't!"  Ryoko growled.  "I'm not stupid, Aeka.
Kiyone arrests me, takes me back to the GP, and while we're both
gone, you get Tenchi!"
	"It...um...never crossed my mind,"  Aeka said.
	Ryoko frowned.  "Let's think of something else."

	Kiyone woke up pissed.
	Not just grumpy, like when Mihoshi spends all night moaning,
"Oh, Tenchi," in her sleep.
	Not just bitter, like when GP HQ sends her a notice about how
Mihoshi was getting a commendation for rescuing Kiyone from a
disaster *she* created in the first place.
	Not just angry, like when Mihoshi lets an A-1 class criminal
escape from right under their noses.
	Kiyone was *really* pissed.
	She looked in the mirror and adjusted her uniform shirt.  It
was time to end this nonsense.  She was stuck here on Earth.
	Fine.
	She was stuck with Mihoshi.
	Fine.
	She was underappreciated by HQ and would probably die on
Earth of old age, her wrinkled fingers around Mihoshi's throat
in one last ditch effort to take the blonde curse with her when
she goes.
	Fine.
	But she would *NOT* spend the next hundred years enveloped
in, what she had dubbed, "The Battle of Tenchi Masaki."  This had
to end, and it was going to end this morning.
	Or she was going to get *really* mad!
	"Mihoshi, get your stuff.  We're going to Tenchi's before we
go on patrol."
	Hopping up and down, trying to get her uniform pants on, a
pop tart clenched firmly in her teeth, Mihoshi replied.  "Wmmm
yuuu wammma gmmm thrrrr?"
	Years of going through this same routine morning after
morning had taught Kiyone how to understand Mihoshi's pop tart
talk.  "I want to talk to Tenchi."
	There was no reply from behind her.  Then, "Reebbbee?"
	"Yes, really.  Now let's go."
	Behind her, Mihoshi fell over with a, "Ayyyynnnnnn!"
	Kiyone donned her hat and walked out the door.

	Tenchi descended the stairs and went to the kitchen.  Sasami
was at the stove, making breakfast.  "Oh, Tenchi!  Hello!"  the
little princess said in greeting.  "Breakfast will be ready in a
bit!"
	"Okay, Sasami,"  he said, somewhat dejectedly.
	"Is something wrong, Tenchi?"  Sasami asked in concern.
	He smiled at her.   "No, Sasami.  I'm just not feeling very
well, that's all."
	"Oh.  Maybe you should stay home from school today."
	He shook his head.  "No, Sasami.  I'll be okay."  He blinked
when he noticed that he was the only other person in the kitchen.
"Where's Ryoko and Aeka?"  he asked.
	Sasami turned to him and shrugged.  "They said they had work
to do today."
	"Work?"  Tenchi asked.
	She nodded.  "I guess so.  Ryoko was carrying a shovel."
	Tenchi just blinked.

	Kiyone and Mihoshi stepped off the bus at the beginning of
the shrine steps.  Kiyone took a breath.  There was no way she was
leaving this shrine until she said her peace, and nothing was
going to stop her.
	Period.
	Case closed.
	End transmission.
	She stopped dead in her tracks, her eyes narrowing as she
found the first obstacle of the day.
	Aeka was standing at the foot of the stairs, glaring at them.
Kiyone stepped forward.  "Get out of my way, Aeka,"  she growled.
	Aeka stood in her path.  "No.  I won't let you take Lord
Tenchi from us!"
	Kiyone stopped.  "'Us?'"
	Aeka blinked then growled in self reproach.  "Great, now
she's got *me* saying it,"  she muttered.  "You can't have Tenchi!"
	"I don't want Tenchi!"  Kiyone told her angrily.
	"A likely story!  If you don't want him, then you should
have no problem turning around and leaving!"
	Kiyone marched forward.  "I don't have time for this," she
growled.
	"You won't get past me!"  Aeka declared...
	Right before Kiyone clocked her.
	Aeka fell to the ground, unconscious.
	"KIYONE!"  Mihoshi cried, kneeling next to Aeka.
	By this time, Kiyone had lost all semblance of sanity.  She
wouldn't, *couldn't* allow herself to remain in the warzone that
was Tenchi Masaki.  She had to end this now, or it would *never*
end.
	"Mihoshi, look after her.  I'll be back in ten minutes."
	"Um...okay..."
	Kiyone marched up the steps.  <One down, one to go,> she
thought.  She was about halfway up the steps when she came upon
Ryoko, who, for some reason Kiyone still couldn't fathom, was
carrying a snow shovel.
	"Looks like you got past, Aeka,"  Ryoko commented with a
slight smile.  She raised the shovel threateningly.  "No mean
feat.  Don't think it'll be so easy here."
	Kiyone shrugged.  "I don't know what you're talking about.
Aeka didn't say anything to me.  She's down there...kissing Tenchi."
	Ryoko blinked in shock, then growled, her fingers tightening
around the shovel.  "You lie!"
	Kiyone smiled.  "Do I?"
	Ryoko thought about it.  The more she thought, the less she
liked.  Could Aeka really be down there with Tenchi?
	Kiyone shrugged again.  "Fine, don't believe me, but I
really do need to talk to Noboyuki, so if you could stand aside..."
	Ryoko stood her ground.  "No way!  You may have Tenchi
tricked, and you may have gotten around Aeka somehow, but you're
not going any farther!"
	Kiyone shrugged and leaned against a nearby tree trunk.
"Fine.  By the way, where's Naroda?"
	Ryoko blinked.  "Huh?"
	"Naroda Beach.  I asked Aeka and Tenchi what they were
doing down there, and they said they were waiting for the bus to
Naroda Beach.  It sounds nice.  I thought I'd check it out."
	Ryoko's eyes went wide in shock.  Aeka...Could Aeka have...
*tricked* her?
	No!  It was impossible!
	Wasn't it?
	Aeka convinces Tenchi to take her to the beach, she convinces
Ryoko that Kiyone is the enemy, and while she wastes time with
Kiyone...
	"THAT BITCH!"
	Ryoko took off down the path towards the bus stop.  Kiyone
watched her go and dashed up the steps.

	Tenchi walked out the front door, Sasami waving goodbye
behind him.  He turned and started down the path for the bus stop.
He stopped as he saw Kiyone come up the steps toward him.
	He smiled and bit his lip nervously.  There was only one
thing she could be here for.  He stepped forward and started to
apologize.
	Before he could, Kiyone reached out and grabbed his arm.
	"Kiyone!?"
	"Come with me," she ordered.  That was all.  No, "hello,"
no, "I know what you did." Just, "Come with me."
	Tenchi had no choice but to follow as Kiyone dragged him
down the path.  He decided to try again.  "Look, Kiyone, I know
what you're going to say, and I'm sorry.  I was just..."
	He blinked at the sight that met him at the bus stop.  Aeka
was sitting up, rubbing her jaw while Ryoko threatened her with
a shovel.
	"For the last time, where is he!?"  Ryoko growled,
brandishing the shovel like a club.
	Mihoshi stood off to the side.  "Oh please!"  she cried.
"Don't fight!"
	Kiyone marched Tenchi forward and stopped before them.
"LISTEN UP!"  she called out.  Like magic, the other three girls
froze, then turned to her.
	"TENCHI!"  they cried.
	Then they saw that Kiyone's hand was latched firmly around
his arm.
	"I KNEW IT!"  they cried.
	"SHUT UP!"  Kiyone barked.  They froze again.  "Now listen!
Tenchi, tell them about the other day."
	"Um...Kiyone..."
	"TELL THEM!"
	Tenchi jumped in startlement.  "I...um...asked Kiyone out..."
he confessed.
	"WHAT!?"  Ryoko and Aeka cried out.
	"And?"  Kiyone prompted, giving his arm a shake.  There was
no way she was going to leave even a hint of interest here.
	Tenchi sighed in sadness and embarrassment.  "And she turned
me down flat."
	Ryoko and Aeka were speechless.
	"Now listen up," Kiyone said quietly.  "I don't know where
the two of you got the idea that I was interested in Tenchi, but
I'm not.  He's my *friend*.  PERIOD!  Personally, I don't care
which of you gets him or if neither of you gets him, but I'm not
going to get involved in this constant war the two of you are in.
Leave me out of it!"  Tenchi's head was bowed in regretful
embarrassment.  "Now, I'm going out on patrol," she whispered.
"When I get back, I expect *everything* to be back to normal.
Okay?"  she finished quietly.
	Ryoko opened her mouth to protest.
	"OKAY?!"  Kiyone repeated threateningly.
	The two girls nodded.
	Just then, the bus back into town pulled up.  Kiyone released
Tenchi's arm and marched past the girls, grabbing Mihoshi's arm and
dragging the blonde onto the bus.
	"Buh-bye!"  Mihoshi called out cheerily as the doors closed.
	The three of them, two women and a man, stood there at the
bus stop in utter shock.
	"Girls,"  Tenchi began sadly.
	Ryoko just vanished.  Aeka took a sad breath and walked right
past him, up the steps and back to the house.
	Tenchi just sighed.

	Tenchi sat at the bar and nursed his coke.  <So much for my
one attempt at romance,> he thought.  Not only would Kiyone never
speak to him again, but he had alienated Ryoko and Aeka now as
well.  After Kiyone had left this morning, he had gone on to
school.  With Ryoko and Aeka angry at him, he saw no reason to
stay.  Akio had picked up on his mood and had taken him to his
uncle's karaoke bar again.  Tenchi had called his father and told
him where he was so he wouldn't worry.
	He sighed again.
	He looked up as someone sat next to him at the bar.  Kiyone
rested her arms on the bar and sighed.  He blinked in shock at
seeing her there.  "I'm sorry," she said softly.  "I crossed the
line this morning.  I should've used more tact."
	Tenchi shook his head.  "It's okay.  I'm sorry for dragging
you into the whole mess."  He paused for a moment.  "Kiyone...I
like you.  I thought, you know, that it might be fun to get to
know you better, to go out, have a little fun...I didn't mean to
put you in that kind of position."
	She smiled.  "Tenchi, I like you too.  You're my friend,
but...and don't take this the wrong way...you're not my type.  I
really..."
	"...Just want to be friends?"  Tenchi finished.
	Kiyone nodded.  "Don't worry.  Some day, Tenchi, you'll find
a girl you can love and who loves you."
	"Yeah...I guess so," he said dejectedly.
	"Hey,"  Kiyone said, smiling.  "Don't worry.  It'll get
better.  Ryoko and Aeka will forgive you."
	"How do you know?"  Tenchi asked.  "And how did you find me?"
	"Your father told me where you were," she told him.  "As for
Ryoko and Aeka..."  She nodded at the entrance.  Tenchi turned and
found Ryoko and Aeka entering the bar, Mihoshi and Washu right
behind them.
	"What are they..."  he started to ask.
	Kiyone grinned.  "Simple," she said.  "While I was at your
house trying to find you, Washu let the idea slip that since I
had...'rejected' you...that you were now on the rebound and
needed...um...'comforting.'"
	Tenchi's face when ashen.  "What?"  he asked in a haunted
whisper.
	"I'll be sitting over here," she told him, moving over two
stools.
	"Oh, Tenchi!"  Ryoko cried glomping onto him.  "I'm so
sorry!  I know you must feel so horrible about losing Kiyone
like that!"
	"Stop that, Ryoko!"  Aeka ordered.  "Can't you see Lord
Tenchi's in distress?!"  The princess took his hand and patted it
reassuringly.  "There there, Lord Tenchi.  I, too, know the pain
that can accompany a broken heart.  The pain will pass.  There
there..."
	"He doesn't need someone telling him how terrible things
are!"  Ryoko told her, wrapping an arm around Tenchi's shoulder
and resting her head on it.  "He needs someone to take his mind
off it...and I know how..."
	Tenchi sighed.
	Two stools away, Kiyone nursed a drink while Mihohi waited
for her ice cream float.  "Another quiet day,"  the blonde noted.
	Kiyone turned to her and was about to snap, but stopped at
the last second, smiled, and said, "Yeah.  Just another boring
patrol."
	"Excuse me,"  someone on stage was saying.
	Mihoshi blinked.  "That voice is familiar..."
	"This next one goes out to that cute blonde at the bar,"
Akio said from the stage.
	"EEEP!"
	Akio began to sing.  "You never close your eyes, anymmore
when I kiss...your lips!"
	Mihoshi turned to Kiyone, tears in her eyes.  "MAKE HIM STOP,
KIYONE!  PLEASE!  MAKE HIM STOP!"  she blubbered, tears in her eyes.
	Kiyone patted her head and smiled.  "Sure, Mihoshi.  I'll
take care of it."  Mihoshi watched her friend get up and walk over
to the stage.  This was followed by several crashing noises and
a high pitched whine caused by microphone feedback.  Kiyone sat
back down a minute later.
	"Ladies and...gentlemen..."  Akio stuttered.  "Ms. Kiyone
Makibi..."  With that, the teenager collapsed and fell from the
stage.
	"Thanks Kiyone!"  Mihoshi hugged her partner.
	Kiyone sighed.  As chronic nightmares went, she'd much rather
have her ditz partner than the nightmare that accompanied having a
romantic interest in Tenchi Masaki.  She smiled at the sight of
Ryoko and Aeka making a fuss over him as they tried to comfort
him in his time of need.
	He was a good friend, but that was all.
	Still...he was kinda cute...in a wishy-washy kind of way.
	Her eyes narrowed.
	<Let's not take this thought any farther,> she told her mind.
	<Deal.>


Author's Notes:

Okay, time for a few notes.  First off, Ryoko and Aeka's reaction.
I've read a few Kiyone/Tenchi fics, and in a good many of them,
(not all, mind you) Ryoko and Aeka are demonized in order to help
nudge Tenchi towards Kiyone.  That's where that reaction comes from.
This is a comedy after all, and a parody of such fics.  ^_^

Akio is your obligatory author-created character designed to guide
young Masaki along the path and provide occasional comic relief.
If you found him hideously annoying, then good.   You were supposed to.

The lyrics to "You've Lost That Loving Feeling," belong to the
Righteous Brothers.

I hope you enjoyed the fic.

Please send C&C to Thomas "009" Doscher
doscher009@hotmail.com