Disclaimer: Hello, I do not own the characters on the Tenchi Muyo Show... But if the people at Pioneer and AIC knew how much of a good writer I am, they'd hire ME as a writter on their show... =(^_^)= The Thing That Wouldn't Leave !!!! BY: James (Barn Baron) Padilla Edited BY: GitaroMetalHead ___ Tenchi sighed as he gazed out the window only to see an endless and continual saga of stormy weather. Ryouko and Ayeka weren't making it any easier either. "You over sexed insolent seed swallower!!" "You flat chested Jurian jackass!" Tenchi sighed again. It was clearly obvious. There was going to be a battle. And according to the weather it looked like it was going to take place INSIDE. "Your just jealous because *YOU* know that me and Tenchi were meant to be together, you've always known that , and you'll do anything you can to get your grubby, skanky, slutty, unroyal and unworthy hands on him!" "Well your just jealous because *YOU* know that you'll never be able to satisfy Tenchi like I can!" After saying this, Ryouko glided over to Tenchi and started caressing him. "Isn't that right my widdle Tenchi poo?" Said Ryouko in a seductive voice. Tenchi's nose began to bleed... "Er..r..m.mm, Uh-ah-I gotta go now BYE!" Tenchi said while running away. "Satisfy!?" Fired Ayeka, glad to have any come back for Ryouko..."Just because I don't spread my legs the first chance I can get, to any man, at any time, any place, doesn't mean that I don't have what it takes to satisfy *MY* Tenchi!!!" Ryouko paused. "Oh look everybody, looks like the UNRUDE and definatly PRUDE, PRINCESS finally came up with a come back!" An emerged energy bolt began to form as the two rivals stared eachother down "Dinners ready everyone!" Interupted Sasami with a big grin on her face. "If your boobs were as big as your ego was princess, then you MIGHT have a sporting chance to win Tenchi!" Ayeka's face fell flat, her eye twitched with frustration... Ayeka knew she had to say something back. She never was one to give up a fight that easily. "Ryouko! You are...really.....really....really.... Ayeka was embarassed at not having anything to say... ....really.....really.... A sweat drop ran down Ayeka's face... *Come on Ayeka, think of something fast. Anything... lets see, what is Ryouko? She's, she's she's umm.... well, she's certainly not worthy of my Tenchi... NO! thats lame....* ...Really....really...really.... UGLY! You are UGLY Ryouko!" Ayeka said as she gave herself a reassuring nod with her head. Ryouko put her hand over her mouth... It was too much.. * Come on Ryouko, spare the princess some dignity....She thought...................................... NAW!* "FFWWAAAHA, HA, HA, HA!!!!!" Ryouko couldn't help it. "Is that the best you (giggle) got? AAA hahahahahahaha!!!!! Ayeka, your come back was really.....really....really....really....LAME!!!! AAAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Ayeka ignored her and managed to walk gracefully to the dinning room table where Sasami had a wonderful meal prepared. Tenchi walked down stairs with a bloody tissue in his nose. Ayeka and Ryouko looked at each other.... "Oh no, not this again," said Yosho with his hand over his forehead. "Heh heh, I think it's funny Dad," said Nobuyuki smiling. They both knew what was going to happen. In fact, everyone knew what was coming... It was more vicious then a battle... Ayeka began to sweat profusely, followed by Ryouko. Ryouko made a slight glance at Ayeka and realized that Ayeka was making the same glance. They stared at each other... Ayeka raised an eyebrow... *Come on Ayeka, if you move quicker this time you can beat her to it. No its no use, Ryouko moves much to quick, she'll surely get there before I do... No, theres still a chance, perhaps she has forgotten, maybe she will take just any old seat, the first seat she finds Heh heh, (Ayeka made a nervous laugh) Come on Ayeka, do you really think she hasn't noticed it by now? Well all Im saying is that theres STILL a chance! * Ryouko also raised an eyebrow... *There is NO way Im gonna let some pompous, purple haird prick sit next to MY Tenchi...Thats right!* The two rivals looked at eachother once more... "TENCHI'S CHAIR!" said Ryouko and Ayeka in unison. The two darted at full speed towards the destination... "It happens every night..." said Washu with a sigh in her voice. "I don't know why they bother... Ive done enough tests to conclude that Tenchi is officially Impotent." Tenchi glanced at Washu... "Washu, did you say something?" asked a completely unaware Tenchi. "Heh, oh, heh heh I was just talkin to myself dear, Heh, heh." Washu said uncomfortably, still managing a smile. "What the hell do they care if they get to sit next to Tenchi any way? Always battling for that one seat next to where Tenchi sits every night." said Kiyone... "He seems gay if you ask me.." Tenchi glanced at Kiyone. "Kiyone, did you say my name or something? I thought I heard you say my name..." Said Tenchi, still unaware. Kiyone scratched the back of her head nervously... "Oh, um... nothing Tenchi.." she too, smiled uncomfortably. * come on Ayeka, your almost there! give it all you've got!!! Don't bother Ayeka, you know Ryouko's gonna get the seat.* *Ive said it once and i'll say it again.. There is no way that pompous purple haird prick is gonna sit next to my Tenchi!!Thats right!!* Ayeka was trailing behind Ryouko by a centimeter. Ryouko looked back and smiled. "Eat my dust!!! Hahaha!" said Ryouko, laughing at Ayeka starting to trail behind her. "NOOOOO!!!!" screemed Ayeka, determined and angry at the same time. She pushed her self a little faster... A little more.... Just a little more, the chair was now inches away and...... Ayeka sat in the chair first. "YES!!" she screamed, victory was in the air! She finally beat Ryouko to the seat at wich her one and only love was about to sit. Ayeka began to cry, tears of victory, tears of triumph over evil! "Ayeka, whats the matter?" asked a curious Mihoshi. Ayeka began to get embarassed, her face turning completey bright red.... "UH.... heh, um, um, ONIONS! Thats right, onions, aheh heh" Ayeka grabbed a napkin and patted her head of the perspiration wich formed. But something was odd... Ryouko didn't seem mad or dissapointed at all. In fact she was smiling. Ayeka looked over and found Tenchi sitting in another seat, followed by Ryouko next to her. *Its okay Ayeka, maybe he just had to tell Ryouko something... He'll sit right back down in his old seat like he always does... Where hes MEANT to sit. (Ayeka reassured herself) Fat chance! The one time you beat Ryouko to the chair, Tenchi decides to sit somewhere else.. Just face the facts... Ya snooze you loose!* Ayeka slammed her fist on the table, making misao soup drip from all the bowls onto the table. Ryouko stuck her tounge out at Ayeka. *Well Ayeka, it looks like your sittin alone tonight.. Yep, I actually agree with your negative conscience on this one...* "WHAT DO YOU KNOW ANY WAY!!!?" Ayeka yelled out loud at her positive and negative inner voices, only to find everyone looking straight at her. Ryouko was silently laughing and pointing a finger at her. Thats when the door bell rang.... "I'll get it!" Screamed a more then willing Sasami. Everyone sat sat in silence... Ryouko laughed... "Oh no, I wanted to get the door (Chuckle) Why does Sasami always get to do all the work?" Said Ryouko Sarcastically. Sasami walked over to the door. "Gee, who could be knocking on the door at a time like this?" She said. Sasami opened the door and screamed at what she saw. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Screamed Sasami. Tenchi and the whole gang sprung up immediatly. "What was it Sasami!!!!???" Asked Yosho, ready to kill. "It was, It was a..a....a........MONSTER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Sasami ran up the stairs and slammed the door behing her. Ryouko and Ayeka grabbed both Tenchis arms in fear. "HA! I'd find it very odd if Lord Tenchi would rescue YOU if there was ever a monster!" fired Ayeka. "Tenchi rescue me!! Theres a purple haird monster grabbing your left arm AHHH!" Ryouko laughed and held Tenchi close. Yosho pulled out his wooden sword and got in the position to strike if the monster were to come in... Nobuyuki hid behind Mihoshi, using fear as an excuse to feel on her body. "Hehehehe, Noboyuki, that tickles! Hehehehe!" Said the clueless blonde. "Tenchi, you open the door, and when you open it, i'll strike him down, ok?" "Ok Grandfather" The whole gang huddled behind Yosho, awaiting the slaughtering of the monster. "Tenchi is soooo sexy when hes brave" Said Ryouko. Ayeka gave her a dirty look. Tenchi put his hand on the knob, turned slowly, and.... Tenchi swang the door open and ducked. Yosho swung the sword at the person... Person? Yosho quickly brought the sword to a hault and it almost took his head off. "hahgw, hahgw, hahgw! nice to meet you too!" Said the VERY ugly man. "Was that his laugh?" asked Mihoshi who was immediatly shushed by Kiyone. The man was grotesque. Sasami came back downstairs. "Well, theres no sense in letting this man freeze to death! Come on in sir." Said a welcoming Yosho. "Gee thanks! hahgw, hahgw, hahgw!" By the way, my names Larry!" said the man as he held out a fat muddy hand. Yosho ignored his hand, trying to be polite as possible. He guided the man to come in. The rest of the gang looked at the man in disgust. The man walked past Mihoshi. "Kiyone, did you fart?!" whispered Mihoshi, excited that she caught her conservative partner doing something embarassing.... Kiyone was caught off gaurd. "Hey everyone! Kiyone passed gas AAhahahahahaha!!" Mihoshi laughed. Everyone was now laughing or at least chuckling at the fact that Kiyone broke wind. "I DID NOT!!!" said Kiyone in shock and denial. Mihoshi began to sing a song... Her name's Kiyone and she-jus-farted, and if she deny's it then-shes-retarded, cause shes Kiyone and she-jus-farted! Kiyone did not know what to say... she knew very well that she didn't fart. Come to think of it, she couldn't ever remember a time when shes farted. She didn't know what to say. So she said all she knew what to say in a time like this... "Well whoever smelt it dealt It!!!" she said, mad that she had to stoop to Mihoshis level. "Whoever deny'd it supplied it!" Mihoshi fired back. Kiyone was pissed. "Hey, that smells much worse then a fart!" said Ryouko. "Yeah, theres no way that much smell could've came out of Kiyone" Said Noboyuki. Everyone looked at Larry... "I am Yosho Masaki, I am the owner of this house... How may I help you?" Yosho butted in. "Hi, Im Larry!!! hahgw, hahgw, hahgw!!!!" The mans laugh was intoxicating. "EErrmmm yes, you said that, and might I ask what is sooo funny" Asked Yosho. "Oh nothing, hahgw, Ive just never seen so many women with such bright hair, hahgw!" said the man, as he pulled a wad of ear wax out of his ear.. Ayeka fainted at the site of such rude behavior. "Wake up princess! if only you knew what YOU looked like!" said Ryouko laughing. Ayeka immediatly woke up. "How dare you say that i'll have you know that......." she was cut off by Noboyuki. "Well, Sasami made a wonderful dinner, I suggest we eat it... Larry, would you like to stay for dinner?" "Oh well, I dont mean to intrude but ....." *Yes thought the whole gang, maybe he'll turn down the offer and decide to get the hell out of here.* "......but, okay!" He said spritefully Larry excitingly walked in to the Masaki residence, with a trail of mud behind him. Everyone looked at Yosho to see what his reaction would be... His reaction was worse then expected. Instead of looking furious or angry... Yosho stared straight ahead with a psycho grin on his face. He had a little twitch in his eye and his face was bright red. "Uh....Grandfather?" "Hahwg, hahgw! I think the old man juz had a heart attack! Hahgw, hahgw!" Yosho turned his head and looked at Larry with the same look on his face... Clueless Larry just looked at him and smiled. "Wow, hahgw! What ever you cats got cookin in there sounds great IM STARVIN! Hahgw, hahgw!" Larry walked straight for the dinner table as if he were at home... Yosho made an attempt to strangle Larry, but was stopped by Sasami. "Yosho! Don't hurt him! Hes Handicapped!!!" She said with complete love and innocence in her eyes. "Just because the man looks like a rhinoceros doesn't mean hes mentally retarded!" Said Ryouko. "A rhinoceros is a thing of beuty compared to you Ryouko! Ha ha ha!" Laughed Ayeka. The same emerged bolt formed between them once again. "Who ever said Rhino's were ugly anyway huh?" said Mihoshi "Gee whiz! This Chinese food is great! Hahgw!" "Actually Larry, this is technically Japanese food..." Said the usual politically correct scientist. "Chinese, Japanese, Vietnamese, Asian, Oriental, Its all the same difference... Hahgw, hahgw!!!" The gang looked at Larry in anger and disgust. He was the only person sitting at the table, and he was the only person who was already cramming himself with food. "This is truley great Chinese food! hahgw" "JAPANESE!!!!!" Said everyone else in unison. By now everyone was sitting down as far away from Larry as possible, as he continued stuffing his face with food. "Hey Larry, are you ever gonna take a break?" asked Washu. "You havent stopped eating for the past 20 minutes... Dont you even breath?" Larry ignored her. Larry sat at the end of the table. Everyones chairs were crammed towards the other side of the table, leaving Larry isolated. "Hey Larry...!" Ryouko yelled... "Were you hungry?" Larry ignored her. "Hey, little girl! The one with the black hair!" Larry yelled across the table. Everyone looked around... There wasn't a little girl wth black hair sitting at this table, unless....Larry, was color blind. "What is it Larry" Kiyone asked, assuming that he thought her hair was black. "Hahgw! not you! The little girl sitting next to you! Hahgw! It's not like I'm color blind!!" Everyone looked at Tenchi... Mihoshi, Kiyone, Washu, and Noboyuki were trying as hard as they could not to laugh. "I'll have you know that MY Lord Tenchi is NOT a 'little girl' you pig! He is a man!!!" Screamed Ayeka. "Oh, sorry! Hahgw! The pony tail in the back threw me off, Hahgw!" Tenchi clenched his fist. "Tenchi!" Sasami interupted, "I made your favorite egg rolls! But you better grab one, theres only I more left.." "Oh gee thanks Sasami." Tenchi replied. Tenchi made an atempt at the egg roll plate. "AAAhhhhhhhh!!! Its gone! The last egg roll is gone!!!! I didn't even get one either!" Yelled Tenchi. "Somebody must have had two." Said Ryouko. Everyone looked at Larry, who had the crispy, golden brown, mouth watering eggroll in his hand, inches away from intering his mouth. (Slow motion) "NNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Tenchi yelled slowly in a deep slow motion voice... The egg roll was on its way to Larry's selfish, and thoughtless mouth... A drop of grease from the egg roll slowly dripped into Larry's mouth. He had food all over his face. The most disgusting THING one would ever imagine. Larry had black curly hair wich he had fixed into a mullet; wich also had food in it. He was at least four hundred pounds. He wore thick glasses, brown pants wich came up an inch above his anckles, and a pair of brown reebocks wich were originally white. His shirt was also originally white untill the food of the Masaki household was all over it. The eggroll now centimeters away from his mouth. "NNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!! LLLLLLLLLLLAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!! TTHHAATTSS TTHHEE LLAASSTT OONNEE!!!!!!!!"Tenchi said again in slow motion... >CCCCRRRRRIIIIIIITTTTCCCHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!< Went the sound of the delicious eggroll, intended for Tenchis mouth. "HHHHHHAAAAAAHHHHHHGGGGGGWWWW, HHHHAAAAHHHHHGGGWWWW!!!!!!!!!" went Larry's intoxicating laugh. "THIS ISSS SOOOOO GOOODDDD!!!!!" Tenchi's eyes began to water. (slow motion over) Tenchi was devastated. How could the spirits of his ancestors who lived before him * Rest their souls* ever allow such an uncanny and undestinational encounter to have taken place. Tenchi clenched his fist once more. *Why is it that EVERY person who stepps foot in this house and who is NOT a member of the Masaki family, ALWAYS cause me grief and, or pain in some way!!!???* "Hey little girl! With the black pony tail, did you want this or something?" Said Larry. Tenchi fell over backwards. The kind of animated fall that he does whenever something outragous or something morally unbelievable happens. Ayeka and Ryouko faught over who got to help him back up. Larry held out the half eaten eggroll in Tenchis direction with a wide smile on his face. "Last call everyone!! Hahgw!" and he ate it, clearly not giving anyone e nough time to responed. Dinner, which was intended as a formal and satisfyingly delicious get together, ended up as a catastrophy. Larry ate more than half of the food Sasami had cooked. And Sasami almost ALWAYS made more then enough to eat. "You know Larry, it is traditional in Japanese culture to leave a bit of food on your plate, that way ,your cook for the evening is aware that you have had enough to eat.." Said Yosho. Larry ignored him. "So, Larry, tell us a little bit about yourself..." Said Washu, trying to break the awkwardness that filled the room. "Ya married?" "Yeah right!" Ryouko butted in. "And he's a light eater too!" Larry ignored Ryouko. "So, Whats for dessert?" Larry asked with an excited tone in his voice. "Oh well I made some real yummy......" Sasami was quieted by Yosho. "Sasami, lets eat it when Larry leaves.. ok?" Yosho whispered, to Sasami. "I think all of us would like to actually have a full share of it this time..." Sasami frowned. She still assumed that the visitor was handicapped and was quite ashamed at the behavior of everyone. Everyone was now in the living room. Tenchi and Sasami took care of the dishes. Larry sat in the most comfortable chair that the Masaki's owned. "Hey guy's, mind if I lite a cigarette?" asked Larry, who had already in fact lite one and was smoking it. "Larry, please put that out, we do not allow smoking in this house!" Said Tenchi, nervous at what his grandfather would do to Larry if he caught him smoking in his house. Larry frantically searched for a decent place to put it out. he searched all over, looking for an ash tray, anything to put the burning cancer stick out. Thats when he saw it. a golden bowl with Japanese writing on it. A fancy lid covered it with beutifully painted figures on it. Larry opened the lid and found a large mass of grayish brown sand in it. Or, at least thats what he thought it was. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! YOU IDIOT! GRANDFATHER MASAKI'S ASHES!!!!!!" screemed Tenchi. "Whats wrong, its just sand! Hahgw hahgw!" Larry innocently laughed. "If I hear that man laugh one more time im gonna puke!" Said Ryouko. Tenchi pulled the cigarette butt out of the Ashes. "Larry you moron!!!" Fired Tenchi, "Just be glad that Grandfather hasn't noticed." Larry ignored him. Yosho walked up to Tenchi and Larry, and smiled upon them. "Those are the ashes of my great grandfathers great, great, grandfather. They are the most sacred of all things in this household. If ANYTHING were to happen to them, then chaos will occur." said Yosho, obviously unaware of what had just happened. "Yeah, thats great, so... got any records?" Larry asked. "EErrmmm, yes, Larry... right over here..." Tenchi showed Larry where the record collection was. "Don't forget to show Larry to the door when you go to bed Tenchi okay?" said Yosho. He was yawning and on his way upstairs to go to bed. "Okay Grandfather." Tenchi assured him. Everyone else went to bed also, Accept Ayeka and Ryouko of course. "Go on princess! You look tired, why dont you go on and get yourself to sleep, i'll be right behind you." Said Ryouko. "Ha ha ha ha ha ha!" Ayeka said extemely fast, " If you think for one second that I am going to leave Lord Tenchi ungaurded and unprotected from the likes of you, then you are mistaken!!!" Larry laughed. He found it so amusing that two beutiful girls were fighting over some skinny girl with a black pony tail. *Lesbians* he thought "Hey sweet heart, if your lookin for a man then I am the perfect candidate, Hahgw hahgw!" Larry pulled his suspenders and snapped them against his male breasts without the smallest bit of insecurity. Ryouko started laughing. Ayeka was furious at Larry's proposal... "LET US GET ONE THING STRAIGHT LARRY!" Ayeka fired," I wouldn't do so much as TALK to you IF YOU WERE THE LAST MAN ON EARTH!!!!!" Ayeka yelled with all her might. Some of the pictures on the wall tilted sideways with the force of Ayekas irate and irritated voice. Larry smiled. *It would be a little hard to ignore a remark like that* He thought. "Hey lady! If I was the last man on earth..... You think I'd be hanging around you?" Larry said smiling. Ayeka fainted once more. Ryouko was rolling around on the floor laughing. Tenchi was uncomfortable. "Ummm..... Here are our records Larry..." Tenchi said, desperately trying to drive the comotion away from Ayeka. "Oh great thanks! Hahgw!" Larry grabbed a stack of records and proceeded to look through them. "Lets see," he said as if he were going to take some home. Tenchi was getting impatient. "Uh, Larry, It's um getting pretty late now and um...well" Tenchi tried to hint to Larry that he should leave. Larry ignored him. "Hey! This looks like a good one! Hahgw!" Larry put it in a seperate stack away from the stack he was looking through. Larry flipped through all the records, rejecting all of Tenchi's favorites. Tenchi began to feel a bit offended. "This one? Nah!" Larry contnued looking through the Masaki record collection. "Hey! Whats wrong with that one huh!?" Said Tenchi, mad that Larry discarded his favorites as if they were garbage. Tenchi didn't even know what Larry was doing. *Does this guy really think hes gonna take some of my records home?* He thought "Hey got anything to eat?" Larry asked "Larry, I dont mean to be rude but you've already eaten almost all the food in the house." Replied Tenchi. Larry ignored Tenchi. "Say, this one is a good one too, hahgw" Larry said as he added another record to the stack. Tenchi was very tired. And so were Ayeka and Ryouko for that matter. Larry put his finger up his nose. "Well I guess thats all of them then hahgw!" Larry grabbed the two records he had chosen and sat on the sofa. "Well, lets see whats on TV." Larry said. He made himself comfortable on the sofa and propped his muddy shoes on the polished cherry wood coffee table. He grabbed the remote and turned on the television. "Um, Larry, we're all REALLY tired and we need to get our sleep and..." Tenchi tried all the hinting to Larry he could to get him to leave, but he was unsuccessful. "Yes Larry, we're (yawn) really tired," Ayeka followed. "Well, it looks like you two outta get yourselves to bed then, hahgw!" Was Larry really this clueless? Did he really think that they would just trust some smelly and ignorant stranger to sit down and watch TV all alone? And what the hell was he doing with two of the Masaki's records?! Ryouko butted in... "Hey Larry..." She said softly in his ear.... "I think what Tenchi is trying to tell you is.....TO GET THE HELL OUT OF OUR HOUSE AND GO HOME!!!!!!!" She yelled. Larry jumped up with fear as Ryouko screamed straight in his ear. "Hahgw!" Larry laughed and then continued watching TV. Ryouko fell over backwards as Tenchi did at the dinner table. Tenchi nervously laughed. Tenchi, Ayeka and Ryouko sat down on the couch with all hopes lost. They tried everything. They tried to politely tell him to leave. They made fun of him in front of his face. They even tried screaming in his face to tell him to leave and he still wouldn't get the hint. Was he doing this on purpose? Was it just the bad luck of Tenchi to have a house guest that in the end, HE is left to deal with? Ayeka and Ryouko looked at Tenchi. "Tenchi, your the man of the house, tell this man to leave now," Ryouko whispered to Tenchi. "Tenchi, this man is rude and ghastly, please escort him to the door or he will keep us up all night." Ayeka whispered. Tenchi gave them both a reassuring nod. He wasn't going to take it any longer! He didn't care how rude or mean or impolite he was being. Larry was the final straw, he was gonna tell Larry that he has to leave right away and there is nothing that he can do about it. "Hahgw! I guess im gonna have to stay here untill the storm dies out,. Hahgw!" Tenchi's shoulders drooped. *Dammit Tenchi! You can't be nice all the time! You have to stand your ground, be a man, act tough!* Tenchi cleared his throat... *Alright Tenchi, just tell him that you have to go to bed and that he is going to have to leave, storm or no storm!* Tenchi cleared his throat once more... "Hey, ya mind if I make a long distance phone call?" Larry asked. "FINE....." Tenchi said loud yet with a dull tone. "Gee wiz! Thanks! Hahgw!" Larry picked up the phone and began dialing... "Tenchi, you say the name and I'll get this bozo to leave, got it?" Ryouko said in a threatening voice. Tenchi actually considered it. "Thats ok Ryouko." Time went by. In fact, twenty minutes went by, wich then lead to a half an hour, and an hour....Soon 3 hours went by and Larry was still on the phone. "Oh boy, that is not gonna be a cheap phone call," Ryouko said. Finally Larry hung up the phone. *Allright Tenchi, don't get nervous, just tell the man hes got to leave and show him to the door...* "Wow! Thanks for letting me make that phone call, gee, I would never let someone Ive never met make a long distance phone call to America if I were you! You guys are sooo nice! Hahgw!" * America?......... AMERICA!!!!!?????* That was it for Tenchi. The final curtain call, the end of the road. The atomic bomb has landed and Hiroshema and Nagasaki were gone... The last and final destination... * America, ten dollars a minute, sixty minutes in an hour, three hours total.......................* "AAAAHHHHHH!!!! LARRY! YOU JUST MADE AN EIGHTEEN HUNDRED DOLLAR PHONE CALL TO AMERICA!!!!!!?????" Tenchi fainted. Ayeka and Ryouko both tried to wake and help him up. It was no use. Tenchi was out. The two of them lifted Tenchi up the stairs and laid him in bed. "Well Ryouko, I hope you enjoy your time with Larry, Im off to bed..." Ayeka said smilling... "Why you conniving little cunt!" Ryouko started... *Hmmm..Wait just a minute...This may be a good opportunity to have a little fun with Larry* She thought. She walked down the stepps, smiling as she did... * Lets see what Larry thinks of my demon form...* Ryouko walked down the stepps. "Oh Laaarrryyy," she said in a creepy voice. She saw the lights from the TV reflecting off the wall opposite to where it was. She could here the loudness of the advertisements. She would jump in front of Larry and transform into her demon body as fast as she could. *Hes gonna be shivering in his fat little boots, heh heh heh* She crept down the stairs some more until she was finally on the ground. She walked over behind the couch where Larry sat, unexpected and unaware... *Ready on the count of three.... One.........Two.............Ryouko transformed into her demon body..........THREE!!!* Ryouko jumped in front of the couch in her devastatingly frightening demon form and bared her fangs . "BOOOOO!!!!!" She yelled. Larry was....... Wait a minute..... Where was Larry? Larry walked out of the kitchen with a bowl of popcorn in his hand. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Larry screamed, the bowl of popcorn went flying in the air and he slipped and fell. "Hehehehehe!" Ryouko laughed. "Don't ..... Don't hurt me!! My name is Larry DikePrick, Im 38 years old, and I live in a van down by the RIVER!!!!!! AAAAAHHHHH!!!!" Larry pleaded and begged. Larry ran into the kitchen and grabbed one of the kitchen knives that Sasami had ordered from an infomercial. Ryouko chased after him, glad that she was getting the exact response she was looking for. "IF YOU COME ANY CLOSER... I'LL, I'LL, I'LL!!!!!!" "You'll do WHAT!?" Ryouko laughed showing her fangs once more. (Next morning) It was 5:30 in the morning. Ryouko was in the kitchen cooking up a meal that smelled so good, it woke everyone up early. "Hey Ryouko, whats the big idea huh? You didn't have to cook breakfast, you know I'll gladly cook..." Said Sasami with sleep in her eyes. "Oh no! Don't be silly, I wanted to make us all something special. Besides, you always do the cooking." *Could this be? Everyone thought. Was this not the same space pirate that sarcastically said "Oh know, Sasami gets to do all the work, let me get the door"?* Everyone at the table was stunned. "Ryouko!" Yelled Ayeka from the dinning room into the kitchen.. "I hope you dont expect me to eat whatever muck your making in the kitchen! ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha !!" Ayeka laughed. Ryouko ignored her. Everyone was in their respectable seats, curiously awaiting what the criminal wanted all over the galaxy could possibly be making in there that smelled soooo darn good! "I never let her help me cook in the kitchen because whenever I do, the meal always turns out so much worse then it could be..." Sasami whispered over to Tenchi. "OOOKKAAYYY!!!!" Sang Ryouko as she happily brought the entree` out unto the table. "I made us all steak and eggs!!!" Said Ryouko happily. "Wow Ryouko, this looks excellent!" Said Noboyuki. "MMMMM and it tastes GREAT TOO!" Yosho added. "Wow Ryouko, this is the best steak I have ever eaten in my entire life!" Tenchi said. Ayeka clenched her fist at Tenchis approval. Everybody was eating and moaning at how delicious and mouth watering the meal was. Ayeka began to look at everyones happy faces. "Ayeka, you should really try this! It is truley good!" Tenchi Said. "Yeah Ayeka, you and Ryouko should just forget about your past fights and try this, it is soooo good!!!": Said Mihoshi. "Well, I'm only eating it because Tenchi say's I should," Ayeka lied. Ayeka took a bite of the steak, wich mealted in her mouth. "Well, I wont lie Ryouko, this steak is not bad," Ayeka said. Who was she kidding, no royale and master chef on Jurai has ever prepared a dish quite like this. "Princess, I'll take that as a compliment," Ryouko said. "So, Tenchi, I assume everything went well with Larry then huh?" Asked Yosho. Tenchi looked confused. * Wait a minute, I don't ever remember showing Larry to the door. That must mean that Ayeka and Ryouko must've made him leave,* Tenchi leaned over towards Ayeka. "Ayeka, did you have any trouble showing Larry to the door last night?" Tenchi asked. Ayeka blushed. "Your gonna have to ask Ryouko that question Lord Tenchi," She smiled. * Oh no! Not Ryouko, who knows what she could've possibly done to Larry to get him to leave!!!* Tenchi looked at Ryouko, who was in fact listening in on their coversation. Ryouko looked back at Tenchi with an evil smile. "So Ryouko, where on earth did you find such tender and delicious meat?" asked Yosho. Ryouko's smile widened. "Well, lets just say that our * meaty * friend Larry, hasn't entirely left the Masaki house yet... In fact, not only did he join us for dinner last nigh t, but he's joining us for breakfast as we speak!" Ryouko laughed, yawned, and decided it be best she got some sleep. * Boy, cooking sure does make a woman tired. Thats right!* __________________________________________________________________ Thank you all for reading my fic. I love everyone here at the TMFFA. Please give me feed back and tell me what you thought of this fic. Tell me if you thought it was actually funny, or if I need to pack my bags and get my sorry ass out of the TMFFA. Thanks again for reading this, I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it! Luv you all!!! =(^_^)= James Padilla, Author of The Erotic Torture Chamber (LEMON) and SNOW.