Hiya! Its Nick from the Ohayo Tenchi series and The Real Tenchi Masaki parody! 
Ok, I dont own any of these characters! Don't sue!

Author's Inane Ramblings: All right, this is my 2nd attempt at a humorous story. 
Anyway, This might be a series, I'm not sure. I won't know that until I finish 
writing Ohayo Tenchi...which I'm close to doing I think. From there, I can 
continue this series, or go on to make the continuing series of Ohayo Tenchi, 
which I have a good idea for. Who knows, I might do both. Read on for the freak 
show.

Josh: Hey Nick your new bodyguards are here.
Nick: Why do I need body guards, I have a friggin red dragon.
Josh: (points to the dragon reading lemon fics) He's perved, that's why. 
Nick: ......
Wing: Heero-sama!!! Okay <> r for actions like <thinking> and for descriptions 
like <It was cold out> k? K!!

~~~A Very Frightening Christmas Carol~~~~

<It was the night before Christmas in the Masaki house, Tenchi was up in his 
room sleeping like a log. Unknown to him, a girl with cyan hair was floating 
above him, smirking.>

Ryoko: Tenchi! Wake up Tenchi! <Nudges Tenchi>

Tenchi: What...c'mon Ryoko its too late at night to try and seduce me...

Ryoko: No, that's not what I'm going to do. Well, atleast not now anyway. Now my 
Tenchi, you will be visited by three people tonight. They will tell you to 
change your shy ways and pick me err pick someone. <Thinks> And they better do a 
good job of it, I'm paying those geeks a lot of money.. 

Tenchi: <blank look on his face> Right..isn't it supposed to be three ghosts?

Ryoko: The guy who wrote this was too cheap to buy ghosts.

Nick: What!?

Ryoko: <glares at Nick> As I was saying, you will be visited by three people. Oh 
well, have fun Tenchi!

<With that Ryoko fazed out of Tenchi's room, but not before glomping him once or 
twice. Tenchi drifted back to sleep, unaware of the person sitting outside his 
window. He wore shorts and a tank top, with a backpack and a sniper rifle slung 
over his shoulder. He withdrew a brick and a video tape from his pocket, drawing 
back his arm.>

<Crash>

Nick: And those are my cheap low budget sound effects.

Heero: <points sniper rifle at Nick> Shutup you'll ruin the mission.

Nick: <sweatdrop> Right...whatever you say James.

Tenchi: <Wakes up from the crash and the voices> Huh? What's this tape doing 
here? <Brings tape downstairs, pops it in VCR and begins to watch it>

<Heero appears on the tape>. 

Heero: <on tape> Hello, Tenchi Masaki. I am Heero Yuiy, the Assassin- err ghost 
of Christmas Past.

Tenchi: All right enough of that..... <goes to pull out the tape>

Heero: I'd stop and look at your forehead if I were you. <the video tape Heero 
points straight ahead.>

Tenchi: <grabs a mirror and notices a red sniper sight on his forehead> Oh God 
Ryoko where the hell did you get this guy...... <backs away from the tape with 
his hand raised like he's being arrested>

Heero: Good I'm glad you see my point. If you run away before this tape stops, I 
will blow your brains into the large pot sitting next to you.

Tenchi: <Sweatdrops, just noticing a large pot next to where he is sitting 
saying "DIE TENCHI">

Heero: Now then, I will show you all the stupid things you've done in the past. 
Notice that cyan-haired person hugging you. If you ever do not hug her back 
again, omae o korusu (I will kill you)

Tenchi: Well that makes it obvious who hired him.

Heero: Be quiet or I'll kill you right now. See that snotty princess that is 
hugging you? If you hug her back, ever, omae o korusu. Now, go to the hotsprings 
to see the Ghost of the Present. 

Nick: <appears on videotape> Damn straight! <flips off Tenchi for the hell of 
it>

Heero: Your interfering with my mission <Raises his a handgun up to Nick's 
forehead>

Nick: ..........

Heero: That's better.

Tenchi: I'm scared now. <begins to walk towards springs, still cant see where 
Heero is>

Has Tenchi leaves, Ryoko appears next to where Heero is crouching with his 
sniper rifle.

Ryoko: <in an extremely sarcastic tone> Jeez do you think you were firm enough 
with him.

Heero: Mission Accomplished. <holds out his hand> My money. Now.

Ryoko: I dont recall paying you for this. <smirks as Heero levels his sniper 
rifle with Ryoko's head> Well, if you put it that way.

<Ryoko snaps her fingers, and a girl with brown hair and bluish-greenish eyes 
leaps out from the shadows, glomping Heero and making him drop the rifle.>

Wing: Heero-sama!! Aishiteru!!!

Heero: .......ack....cant breathe x.x

Ryoko: Well now, I'll just be checking up on Tenchi. <fazes out>

<Back to Tenchi, who was now arriving at the hot springs>

Quatre: <was snorting pixy sticks before he noticed Tenchi> Whoa yeah....

Tenchi: <sweatdrop> Are you stoned or something.

Quatre: No...I'm high has a kite.

Tenchi: <anime falls> Erhm.....

Quatre: <remembers what he is supposed to be doing> Oh yeah I'm the ghost of 
Christmas Presents!

Nick: That's Present you dip!

Quatre: Yeah that's what I said. Prezentz....Anyway. I'm going to show you some 
very disturbing images then you go see the Ghost of Christmas future. <whispers 
to Tenchi in a psychotic high pitched voice> And if you try to run I'll sick my 
squirrel friends on you.

Tenchi: ........squirrels? What are they going to do, chew me to death?? <starts 
laughing his ass off>

Quatre: <his eyes glow purple has he starts going psychic> Squirrels are our 
friends! You will respect our friends! <Raises his hands and several squirrels 
drop out of the surrounding trees with rusty umbrellas and flaming tennis ball 
launchers.

Tenchi: <is surrounded> Um....sorry....

Quatre: Be nice to our friends! <now in a happy stoned Quatre voice> And I like 
bunnies, and ponies, and unicorns, and mobile suits, and trees, and <keeps on 
going for a long time, still not stopping>

Duo: Quatre will you shutup!? <smacks Quatre in the mouth>

Quatre: <eyes glow purple> Bad Duo! <chases Duo around with his army of rabid 
squirrels>

Duo: NO HELP ME!!

<There is a bright flash of light and suddenly, the goddess Tsunami appears>

Tsunami: Stop this now! <kills all the squirrels with super goddess power>

Quatre: My.....friends..... <starts to cry to himself>

Duo: Whoa you just saved my life! <Checks out Tsunami> Hey...you know I'm the 
God of Death right.

Tsunami: <sweatdrop> Yes I'm sure that's a fascinating occupation...what do you 
do?

Duo: I kill people in Deathscythe Hell ^.^

Tsunami: ...........that's nice <cringes>

Duo: So will you go out with me? I'm a god, your a goddess you know we could do 
the dating thang-

Tsunami: How about we don't and say we did. <disappears>

Duo: ....I think she likes me

Tenchi: <cocks an eyebrow at Duo> All right then now what should I do. I've had 
enough of killer squirrels and a psychopath pointing a sniper rifle at me.

Wing: Heero-sama is not a psychopath!! <Hits Tenchi with one of those Japanese 
fans>

Duo: <Notices Tenchi> Oh yeah it's you, the gay guy...

Tenchi: WHAT!?!? I'm not gay!! <starts to strangle Duo> My dad's the most 
perverted baka in Japan how can I be gay!?

Duo: Chill! I was kidding! <removes himself from Tenchi's grip> Ahem. Now I 
suggest you go to the Ghost of Christmas Future. He is thataway <points to a 
clearing in the woods>

Tenchi: Right... <Sprints to the clearing, eager to get this over with>

<After Tenchi leaves, Duo notices the pixy sticks Quatre was sniffing>

Duo: ......pixy sticks...... <sniff, sniff, now the stoned shimigami>

<Back at the clearing, Tenchi is about to meet the Ghost of Christmas Future.>

Tenchi: <Notices a man with black hair sitting down meditating> Hey! Over here!

Wufei: You baka!! You are 34 seconds late! You are weak!

Tenchi: .......ok. Aren't you supposed to be showing me something?

Wufei: Yes but first I must tell you how weak you are! You are the weakest fool 
in the galaxy! You are almost has weak has that weakling princess-onna! You have 
no sense of manliness! You are even weaker then that Ryoko-onna! 

Ryoko: <fazes in directly in front of Wufei> You stupid kusou! <Uppercuts Wufei, 
sending him flying through the air>

Wufei: <hits a tree, almost unconcious> ........

Ryoko: <floating over to Wufei> Wow, you finally shut your mouth..

Wufei: <smirks> INJUSTICE!!!!!!

Ryoko: ~.~  Your fired <Fries Wufei with an energy blast, sending him 
unconscious>

Tenchi: All right, can I go home now Ryoko?

Ryoko: No first you have to come with me, the new Ghost of Christmas Future. I'm 
going to show you your future! <withdraws a small picture from her pocket>

Tenchi: Oh great......

Ryoko: <shows him the picture of Tenchi holding Zero Ryoko from the Dr. Clay 
incident> 

Tenchi: ........so?

Ryoko: <leans over and kisses Tenchi on the cheek> That's your future.

Tenchi: <blushes slightly> Um....ok...let's go back now..

<Both walk back to the house, holding hands.>

Nick: Too bad they don't know who's waiting for them! <Uses author powers to 
speed the clock up, making it morning>

Ryoko: Wow since when did morning come so fast.

Tenchi: I bet you Nick had something to do with it.

Nick: Do you really think so?

<Both arrive at the house, where everyone is opening presents already>

Nick: <throws Heero a box> Open it. 

Heero: .....I don't trust you.

Nick: Your nice. 

Heero: I know.

Aeka: Tenchi-sama!!!! <runs up to Tenchi, almost hugging him to death>

Heero: <takes out his 32 mm and points it at Tenchi> ......

Tenchi: <eyes widen, holds his arms above his head like he is being arrested>

Ryoko: Hey guess what Tenchi? I'm having those guys stay around the house! <hugs 
Tenchi>

Heero: <takes out a shotgun> .........

Tenchi: <almost faints> No! <hugs Ryoko back>

Heero: <grins, shows Tenchi that the shotgun is unloaded>

Tenchi: ...... <keeps hugging Ryoko anyway>

Ryoko: <eyes widen>

Nick: <floats above Tenchi and Ryoko with a mistletoe> Tenchi look up here.

Tenchi: <notices mistletoe> .....I never thought I'd thank you for something 
Nick. <kisses Ryoko, which causes her  to blush>

Aeka: Tenchi-sama!! Why Nick!?!

Nick: <uses author powers to send Aeka to Antarctica> Prissy Princess.

Quatre: <opens up a present from Duo, pulls out a leash and a muzzle> Duo! 
What's this for!?

Duo: Here let me show you. <takes out a squirrel from last night and slaps it on 
the squirrel>

Quatre: MY FRIEND!!! LEAVE HIM ALONE DUO!!!! <Chases Duo around with a butcher 
knife>

Duo: <runs over to Sasami> Help me!!

Sasami: <turns into Tsunami> Nope. You were a jerk last night.

Duo: Noooo!!!

Nick: Well, that ends this incredibly disturbing story. I will continue this 
sometime possibly, maybe make a Gundam Wing-Tenchi crossover. Who knows.

Wing: Ja ne minna! Heero-sama! <Glomps Heero again>

Nick: <sweatdrops> Have a happy Christmas!

END

Author's Notes: Done! Thats the first script form story I've posted. REVIEW! 
AUTHOR ALERT! KILL SQUIRELLS!