1999 Anime Christmas Special by Ryan Mathews [Open: Exterior of Masaki house. Snow falls gently while Christmas music plays in the background. The opening credits roll:] FanFic Productions Presents ANIME CHRISTMAS PARTY 1999! featuring TENCHI MUYO! EL-HAZARD MAGICAL GIRL PRETTY SAMMY and RANMA 1/2 [We enter the house. The music continues while the boring credits roll, such as director and producer and so forth. The Tenchi gang is busy decorating the house, except for Ryoko and Washu who are absent. There is also no tree.] TENCHI Okay, everyone! Let's hurry up and finish! The show's about to start! Washu, are we ready to go? [The picture shakes up and down once.] WASHU (voice-over) Yup! All dimensions, all frequencies! [She runs out from behind the camera to give thumbs-up.] The camera is fully automated. Ready whenever you are. [Mihoshi looks with delight over a table of goodies. She reaches for one and gets her hand slapped by Sasami.] SASAMI Those are for the party! [Mihoshi pouts.] [Tenchi nervously checks his watch.] TENCHI Where is Ryoko? She should be here with the tree by now! AEKA You should have known better than to depend on her. She's probably asleep some-- [CRASH! The bay window smashes open and an enormous evergreen is pushed into the house, filling most of the room.] RYOKO Whew! Finally made it! You wouldn't believe how tough it was flying with that thing on my back! TENCHI This... This is... RYOKO Awesome, huh? Sorry about the window, but it wouldn't fit through the door. I figure Washu can fix it like she did last time. TENCHI This won't fit in the room! RYOKO (disappointed) Tenchi. Have a little faith, will you? [Ryoko grabs the base of the tree, strains, and lifts. The tree levers up, up, up, past the second floor balcony, while all the others watch in amazement. Up, up, it goes, until it's upright, the top needle just touching the highest point of the ceiling.] TENCHI Wow. SASAMI That's some tree. MIHOSHI It sure is. RYOKO Do you like it, Tenchi? Did I do well? TENCHI You did great, Ryoko! Thank you. RYOKO Oh, Tenchi! [She climbs on him.] TENCHI Uh, Ryoko? RYOKO Yes, Tenchi? TENCHI You've got needles all over you. [Fade to later. The Tenchi cast is arranged in front of the still undecorated tree. Each character holds a slip of paper.] TENCHI Alright! Are we all ready for the first musical number? [Everyone says "Yes", except Mihoshi, who stares longingly at the goodie table.] TENCHI Then let's begin! [Washu hits a button on the karaoke machine.] ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- [MUSIC #1: "The Twelve Days of Christmas" (filk). During musical numbers, spoken parts are in parenthesis.] TENCHI On the first day of Christmas, my true love gave to me, -- RYOKO [interrupting] A evening alone with Ten-chiiii! AEKA (What?!) MIHOSHI On the second day of Christmas, my true love gave to me, Two Christmas cookies! [Mihoshi snarfs them.] RYOKO And an evening alone with Ten-chiiii! AEKA (THAT'S NOT HOW IT GOES!) [Tenchi sighs.] RYO-OH-KI [In "little girl" form:] Mya mya MYA, mya mya Christmas, mya MYA mya, mya mya MYAAAA, Carrot, carrot, carrot! MIHOSHI Two slices of fruitcake! [Gobble, gulp!] RYOKO And an evening alone with Ten-chiiii! AEKA (OOOOOOHHHHH!) [She tears up her slip of paper.] SASAMI On the fourth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me, Four shojo manga! RYO-OH-KI Carrot, carrot, carrot! MIHOSHI Two cranberry muffins! [Chomp, chew!] [Aeka pushes Ryoko away.] AEKA And an evening alone with Ten-chiiii! RYOKO (Why, you little--!) WASHU On the fifth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me, Fiiiiive neutronium-lined pulse-wave converters with multi-phasic chronometric phase compensators! [The music stops while everyone stares at Washu in disbelief.] (What? They're cool! You should get one!) SASAMI (Ahem.) Four shojo manga! RYO-OH-KI Carrot, carrot, carrot! MIHOSHI Two (BURP! Excuse me!) AEKA And an evening alone with-- [Ryoko pushes her away.] RYOKO Ten-chiiii! FATHER On the sixth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me, Six lovely ladies! WASHU Fiiiiive quantum singularities! SASAMI Four shojo manga! RYO-OH-KI Carrot, carrot, carrot! MIHOSHI (Oh, I can't eat another bite...) [Ryoko and Aeka are wrestling.] RYOKO And an evening (OOF! OW!) AEKA Alone with (OUCH! You!) [Tenchi walks off, head in hands.] GRANDFATHER On the seventh day of Christmas, my true love gave to me, Seven gentle verses! FATHER Six lovely ladies! WASHU Fiiiiive dimensional flux capacitors! SASAMI Four shojo manga! RYO-OH-KI Carrot, carrot, carrot! MIHOSHI (asleep) (Zzzzzzz...) RYOKO (Out of my way, Princess!) AEKA (It's *my* line, monster-woman!) [Both girls snarl and begin charging up.] SASAMI Run! [Cut to exterior view of the house. Light flashes and smoke comes out of the windows.] ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- [Fade to interior as the gang cleans up the mess.] TENCHI We didn't even get through all twelve days. What a great start to the show... RYOKO (brightly) Hey, it could have been worse! At least the tree wasn't decorated yet. In fact, it seems to have taken the punishment well. I sure can pick 'em, can't I, Tenchi? [Tenchi sighs. Washu walks up to him.] WASHU I finished fixing the window. Say, Tenchi, can I ask you a question? TENCHI Sure, go ahead. WASHU What is it with this "Y2K" business? I can't figure it out. I've been meaning to do some research, but I figured I'd save time and ask an Earth native. TENCHI It has to do with Earth's computers. You see, when they designed them thirty years ago, they only used two digits to represent the year. So 1999 is just "99". Next year, all those two-digit years will roll over to "00", which may cause some computers to act funny, or even crash. [Washu stares at Tenchi for a moment, then spits out a long laugh. Her face turns red and she collapses on the floor in hysterics.] WASHU BWAH-HAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!! They only used two digits?! HAHAHAHAHAAA! SASAMI [sweeping up debris] Say, Tenchi, is Christmas celebrated all over Earth? TENCHI [shaking himself away from staring at Washu, who is still convulsing:] Uh... yes, but in some places more than others. Christmas is much bigger in the west than here in Japan, for example. SASAMI Christmas seems very important to those who celebrate it. What would they do if they couldn't? TENCHI Oh, they'd find a way. For example, even as we speak, travelers from Japan are stranded in another world that's never even heard of Christmas. RYOKO (to Aeka) What's he talking about? AEKA I think it's called a "link". WASHU Two digits! Two digits! HAHAHAHAHAAA! [Fade to the world of El-Hazard. The sun is setting. Makoto stands on a high balcony on the Roshtarian palace, where he has set up a small device resembling a radio dish. Standing next to him are Londs and Dr. Schtalubaugh.] MAKOTO I really want to thank you all for your permission to do this. It really means a lot to me. LONDS Are we absolutely sure this is safe? SCHTALUBAUGH Oh, yes! Makoto and an assistant of mine took a journey last week out to a deserted region of Roshtaria and tested it. It worked perfectly. I must admit, I'm a bit excited to see it for myself. [to Makoto:] You may begin when ready. [Makoto hits a switch. A beam fires from the dish into the sky. Clouds gather around the beam, and the sky begins to darken.] [Fade to Nanami's place. She hums "Deck the Halls" while wrapping a present. The door opens behind her and Makoto walks in.] NANAMI (gasp) Makoto! [She hides what she's doing.] You shouldn't be in here! I'm wrapping your present! MAKOTO Oh! I'm sorry! [He looks away.] I, uh, didn't see anything. Just a box. NANAMI Good. [She finishes up.] Done! So, what brings you here? MAKOTO Well, I hadn't seen you around today. I wanted to know how you liked my present. NANAMI Um, what present? MAKOTO Haven't you been outside? NANAMI Not since noon. I've been too busy cleaning the restaurant. Why? [Nanami opens the door. Her eyes go wide with wonder.] It's... beautiful... [The camera pans along the landscape. The ground is blanketed in snow. Nanami steps outside, still in wonder, then laughs with delight. Around her, adults stare in amazement at their first glimpse of snow, but the children have wasted no time playing in it.] MAKOTO Come on! This way! Everyone's having a party! [He runs off, and Nanami follows. The music begins.] ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- [MUSIC #2: "Winter Wonderland" (straight)] MAKOTO (voice over) Over the ground lays a mantle of [Makoto and Nanami walk through white, the snow-covered land of A heaven of diamonds El-Hazard. We see their breath shine down through the night as they briefly gaze at the stars. Two hearts are thrillin', Nanami takes Makoto by the arm.] In spite of the chill in the weather. NANAMI (VO) Love knows no season, love knows [As they approach the party, no clime, Nanami lets go of Makoto's arm, Romance can blossom any old time. takes him by the hand and pulls Here in the open, we're walkin' him toward the festivities. Both and hopin' together. laugh.] MAKOTO & NANAMI (VO) Sleigh bells ring, are you [A sleigh approaches, ridden by listenin'? Fujisawa and Miz, dressed as In the lane, snow is glistenin'! Santa and Mrs. Claus. Fujisawa A beautiful sight, looks embarrassed. Nanami We're happy tonight, laughs. Kids surround the sleigh Walkin' in a winter wonderland. as it arrives.] Gone away, is the bluebird, [Birds flutter around in the snow, Here to stay, is the new bird! curious and confused.] He sings a love song, [Alielle and Fatora make snow as we go along! angels.] Walkin' in a winter wonderland. [Shayla sees Makoto and waves, then runs over to join them.] MAKOTO (VO) In the meadow, we can build a [The three of them build a snowman. snowman.] We'll pretend that he is Parson [When Shayla realizes who the Brown! snowman is supposed to be, she He'll say "Are you married?" melts it with a flameburst. We'll say "No, man! Nanami tosses a snowball at her But you can do the job when as she runs away, laughing. you're in town!" Makoto laughs too.] MAKOTO & NANAMI (VO) Later on, we'll conspire, [The two girls quickly make up, As we dream, by the fire, and Shayla starts a fire and To face unafraid, the plans that helps Nanami make some hot we've made, drinks.] Walkin' in a winter wonderland. [Instrumental. Music fades slightly. Fujisawa, as Santa Claus, sits on a chair explaining himself to the kids.] KID #1 (So who are you supposed to be, mister?) FUJISAWA (Well, um, I'm Santa Claus.) KID #2 (Who's Santa Claus?) FUJISAWA (On Christmas, Santa Claus visits the home of every good girl and boy and gives them toys!) KIDS (No way!) (Really!) (Cool!) FUJISAWA (So, uh, you're supposed to get on my lap and tell me what you want for Christmas.) MIZ (I'll demonstrate!) [She sits on his lap.] FUJISAWA (blushing) (Uh... Miz?) MIZ (Now let's see. What do *I* want for Christmas...? Oh! I know!) [She kisses him. The chair falls backwards into the snow. The kids laugh. Music up.] NANAMI (VO) In the meadow we can build a [Shayla, using flame, sculpts a snowman. snowman, looking for Nanami's We'll pretend that he's a circus approval. Finally, Nanami smiles clown! and nods. We see the face of the We'll have lots of fun with snowman: it's a snow-Jinnai. Mr. Snowman, Kids begin pelting "Jinnai" with Until the other kiddies knock him snowballs while Nanami, Shayla, down! and Afura Mann laugh.] MAKOTO & NANAMI (VO) When it snows, ain't it thrillin', [Miscellaneous scenes of everyone Though your nose gets a chillin'? having fun, even Princess Rune, We'll frolic and play, who sips one of Nanami's hot The Eskimo way, drinks. Finally the party dies walkin' in a winter wonderland. down and only Makoto and Nanami Walkin' in a winter wonderland. remain, lying on a snowbank Walkin' in a winter wonderland. looking at the stars.] NANAMI (Thank you, Makoto. This was the best Christmas present ever.) [She puts her head on his shoulder. Fade.] ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- [Fade back to the Masaki house. Little girl Ryo-oh-ki paces back and forth, while Sasami sits on a couch, reading some shojo manga.] SASAMI What's the matter, Ryo-oh-ki? All excited about Christmas? [Ryo-oh-ki nods.] Well, tell ya what. Sit next to me, and I'll tell you a special Christmas story! RYO-OH-KI Miya! [She sits next to Sasami.] SASAMI Far away from here, in the big city of Tokyo, there lived a girl named Sasami. RYO-OH-KI Miya? SASAMI Yes, the same name as me. But this girl wasn't from Jurai like me. She was just a normal Earth girl. [Fade to the world of Pretty Sammy. Sasami is woken up by her alarm. She brushes her teeth, gets dressed and has her breakfast.] SASAMI (VO) Or, rather, she was almost normal. You see, Sasami had been chosen by the Queen of Juraihelm to fight for love and justice. She was the magical girl, Pretty Sammy! [Sasami gets a kiss from her parents and heads out the door to go to school. Pan back skyward as she runs along the sidewalk, then fade to class, taught by the able Miss Mihoshi.] MIHOSHI That's all for today, class! Now, remember, the big Christmas dance is Saturday, so I want to see you all there! [Konoha snuggles up to Hiroto in her usual harassing way.] KONOHA I'm going to the dance with Hiroto! Isn't that right? HIROTO (annoyed) It's not that kind of dance! [Misao approaches Sasami as she packs to leave.] MISAO Sasami? My mother is taking me to the mall this evening to go Christmas shopping. Do you want to come? SASAMI [nods] Sure! That's sounds like fun! [Cut to the world of Juraihelm, to the abode of Ramia, who is munching on some noodles while considering her latest nasty plan to upset the balance of happiness on Earth. Rumia is watching the various Christmas festivities taking place in the big city Sasami calls home.] RAMIA [without looking up from her snack:] So what's this deal with Christmas? RUMIA Oh, it's wonderful! You get together with all those you love, exchange gifts, eat good food, and sing songs! RAMIA Hmm. Sounds nice. RUMIA It sure is! RAMIA [still not looking up:] Destroy it. RUMIA (sigh) Yes, sis. [Cut to the mall. Misao's mother drops off the two girls at the entrance.] MISAO'S MOTHER I'll meet you back here in two hours. Have fun! SASAMI Bye! Thank you! [They enter the mall and wonder at the lavish decorations.] SASAMI Wow... It gets more impressive every year. [Misao nods in agreement. A short musical sequence follows, in which Sasami and Misao window shop, look at toys, and sit on Santa's lap.] SASAMI Well, I've got gifts for my mom and dad. I guess I'm done. MISAO Me too! SASAMI [snaps her fingers] Oh! There's one more very important gift to buy! We'd better split up! MISAO Huh? Why? [Then it sinks in, and she smiles.] Oh! Okay! [Fade to Misao shopping alone.] MISAO Let's see... I wonder what Sasami would like? [She passes a pet shop. In the window is a very familiar bird.] Maybe she'd like a pet? Say, don't I know you? [Energy comes out of bird-Rumia's eyes.] Oh! [Cut to Sasami, who is in a music shop looking at sheet music.] SASAMI I forget. Who does Misao like better, Mozart or Beethoven? [Somewhere outside the store, there's a crash.] VOICE Bonjour, mes amis!! SASAMI Oh, no. Not now! [Outside, Pixy Misa is posing by the huge Christmas tree that's part of the main display in the mall.] PIXY MISA Is everyone having a merry, merry Noel? SHOPPER I know you! You're that evil magical girl who goes around causing trouble! PIXY MISA [feigning hurt feelings:] How can you say such awful things? All I want is to bring everyone Christmas cheer! For today I am... [She spins and transforms in a flash of light, into a new costume resembling a red-and-white Christmas elf costume with her trademark feather in her cap.] ...CHRISTMAS MISA!! [She poses. The worried-looking crowd is unconvinced.] Hmph. Well, if *that's* the way you're going to be... [She wields her baton.] CALLING MYSTICS!! [The baton's energy hits the enormous Christmas tree, which quickly grows arms, legs, and a face. It roars like a Toho movie monster.] PIXY MISA Go, Christmas-Tree-Girl! Show them the true spirit of the season! [There is utter panic in the crowd at the monstrous Christmas tree begins lumbering about the mall (get it? Tree? Lumber?), smashing windows and hurling displays.] SASAMI This... This is horrible! [The little cabbit Ryo-oh-ki runs up.] RYO-OH-KI You said it, Sasami! (pant pant) SASAMI Ryo-oh-ki! RYO-OH-KI I came as fast as I could. [With a flash, the magical baton materializes.] Quick! You know what you have to do! SASAMI [Nods] Yes! [Transformation sequence:] PRETTY MUTATION... MAGICAL RECALL!! [She whirls and becomes...] Magical Girl... PRETTY SAMMY! [Pose!] ANOTHER SHOPPER Look! It's Pretty Sammy! Thank God! SAMMY Pretty Sammy is here! I'll always come... when Christmas is in danger! PIXY MISA Ooh, Sammy! I was wondering when you'd arrive! SAMMY I'm going to put a stop to your Christmas tree monster! PIXY MISA Not yet, you won't! I have a special surprise for you. [From behind Misa step three creatures dressed as the ghosts from "A Christmas Carol".] GHOST #1 I am the Ghost of Christmas Past! GHOST #2 I am the Ghost of Christmas Present! GHOST #3 I am the Ghost of Christmas Future! [All three ghosts point at Sammy.] GHOSTS Prepare to become a ghost yourself! SAMMY Uh, what do I do now, Ryo-oh-ki? [Ryo-oh-ki hides behind Sammy's leg.] RYO-OH-KI Don't ask me! I'm scared of ghosts! SAMMY A lot of help *you* are! GHOST #1 FRUITCAKE ROCKET! [A fruitcake shoots from the ghost's sleeve, knocking Sammy down.] SAMMY OOF! Those things are hard! GHOST #2 TINSEL WHIP! [Tinsel shoots from the ghost's sleeve, wrapping itself around Sammy's leg and whipping her around, finally flinging her against a wall.] SAMMY Owwww! GHOST #3 EGGNOG BLAST! [A firehose blast of eggnog shoots from the ghost's sleeve, covering Sammy and knocking her back.] SAMMY Yuck! I'm all sticky! (smack smack) Good eggnog, though. I'd better think of something fast! PIXY MISA [nodding with delight:] Mm! Mm! Tres bon! Deck Sammy's halls! [Sammy looks up and sees a large Christmas wreath.] SAMMY I've got it! [She aims her baton at the wreath.] PRETTY TELEPORT! [The wreath vanishes. She aims the baton at the ghosts, and the wreath appears around them, binding them and holding their arms down.] SAMMY BEAM! [A beam fires from the baton and makes the ghosts vanish.] Now for the Christmas tree! PIXY MISA Au contraire, mon ami! RYO-OH-KI (gasp) Sammy, look! [Shoppers have been hung on the tree. They wriggle and kick, but can't get loose.] PIXY MISA What do you think of my special Christmas ornaments? RYO-OH-KI Sammy! You can't do Coquettish Bomber until the hostages are safe! SAMMY I know that! But how can I get them down?! [She thinks.] I might have an idea! [She runs off.] PIXY MISA Christmas-Tree-Girl! Don't let Pretty Sammy escape! [The tree roars and lumbers after her, shaking the screaming hostages which are still attached. Sammy runs until she finds a store selling garden supplies. She runs in and talks to the clerk.] SAMMY I need your strongest weed-killer, now! And lots of it! [The tree arrives, stomping and roaring. Sammy comes out, armed with a dusting gun (or "flit").] Take this! [She sprays the tree where one of the hostages hangs. The limb dies and sags, and the hostage drops off, running to safety.] PIXY MISA Uh-oh... [Sasami continues spraying until all the "ornaments" are free.] RYO-OH-KI That's the last one! Do it, Sammy! SAMMY Right! [She poses for her ultimate attack.] CONVERGE, MAGICAL POWERS OF JUSTICE! PIXY MISA [running away:] Bah, humbug!!! SAMMY Pretty... Coquettish... BOMBER!!! [The force of the attack throws the Christmas tree monster through the roof of the mall and safely away to wherever Love-Love Monsters go. (See Episode 9 for the answer!)] SAMMY Whew. It's over. RYO-OH-KI (sadly) Sammy. Look. [The mall is in ruins. Displays are torn and smashed. Children cry inconsolably. Where the Christmas tree was, there is nothing but a hole in the ground.] SAMMY It's all smashed. It's all ruined. Isn't there anything I can do? [Ryo-oh-ki sadly shakes his head, then blinks as he notices something.] RYO-OH-KI Sammy! Your baton! [The baton is glowing, faintly. In the distance, "We Wish You a Merry Christmas" can be heard.] It's the music, Sammy! The music! SAMMY I understand! [she shouts to the shoppers:] Listen, everybody! I can fix everything, but I need your help! Sing! [The shoppers look at each other, confused. Suddenly, Hiroto and the gang from Sasami's school appear.] HIROTO You heard Sammy! Sing! "We wish you a merry Christmas, we wish you a merry Christmas..." SAMMY Hiroto! [Hiroto, Konoha, Aimi, and the others begin singing. The baton begins glowing brighter and brighter.] SHOPPER Look! It's working! Come on, everybody! Sing! [The shoppers join in, tentatively at first, then louder. The baton glows even brighter, until it resembles a small star.] RYO-OH-KI We're almost there! [He speaks to the camera.] Everyone at home! Sing with us! [The glow begins to envelop Sammy. Tears well up in her eyes.] SAMMY I can feel it. The true spirit of Christmas... [The glow explodes, filling the mall and causing everyone to gasp. When it clears, all is back to normal, better than before, with beautiful decorations and an even more spectacular Christmas tree.] RYO-OH-KI You did it, Sammy! You did it!! [Sammy hugs Ryo-oh-ki as everyone cheers.] [Fade back to the Masaki house, where Sasami is finishing her story.] SASAMI ...and so Pretty Sammy saved Christmas. Sasami found Misao and the two of them had the best Christmas ever. The end. [Little girl Ryo-oh-ki is asleep.] Good night, Ryo-oh-ki. [Washu walks by. Sasami puts a finger to her lips. Washu nods, takes three steps, then...] WASHU Two... digits... [She falls to the floor, hands on her mouth, laughing silently.] [Cut to the living room, where Aeka and Ryoko are sitting, enjoying some hot chocolate. Ryoko teleports in, wearing a skimpy Santa suit.] RYOKO Tenchi! What do you think of my Santa costume?! AEKA Oh, please. You as Santa? Give me a break. RYOKO I think it's a *great* idea! What young man wouldn't like to have a sexy girl like me come down the chimney with a big sack of presents? AEKA Quite frankly, Ryoko, if you came into my house with a sack, I'd suspect you were about to take something. [Tenchi laughs.] RYOKO (angry) What's so funny?! TENCHI It's just that, right now, in the prefecture of Furinkan, several young women are discussing that very same problem! [Ryoko and Aeka stare at each other.] RYOKO Is this another one of those "links"? TENCHI (embarassed) Uh, yeah. AEKA You're not very good at them, you know. [Fade to an exterior shot of "Ukyou's Okonamiyaki", then cut to the interior, where Akane is addressing most of the Ranma 1/2 girls.] AKANE Quiet, please, everybody. I'd like to thank Ukyou for the use of her shop to hold this meeting. UKYOU No problem. Now, do you mind explaining what this is about? AKANE Certainly. As you may know, for the past few Christmases, our houses have been visited by a little man carrying a sack. SHAMPOO Of course! Santa Claus! He bring presents! [Akane shakes her head.] AKANE I'm talking about the *other* little man with a sack. [All the others go "Ohhh", as the music starts.] ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- [MUSIC #3 - "Happosai Is Coming to Town" (filk)] AKANE You'd better watch out, [Akane, singing, unveils a display you'd better take care! with a picture of a laughing You'd better hide all of your Happosai, carrying his sack of underwear! girls' undies. She removes the Happosai is comin' to town! picture, revealing others, like a slide show.] He's makin' a list, [Happosai with a list reading "Akane, He's checkin' it twice! Shampoo, Ukyou, ..."] He's gonna take things that are [Happosai in a state of ecstasy, with frilly and nice! panties in one hand and a bra in the Happosai is comin' to town! other.] He sees you when you're sleeping! [Tip-toeing past a sleeping girl...] He knows when you're awake! [Being chased by the same girl] But if he finds your panty drawer, [Dumping a drawer-full of panties all the contents he will take! into his sack] So you'd better take note, [Back to Akane lecturing the girls.] I'll give you just cause! You'd better pro-tect all your panties and bras, Happosai is comin' to town! [Instrumental. Music fades.] AKANE (Of course, Christmas *is* the season for giving. So when we see Happosai, let's give him a thumping he'll remember!) KODACHI (I'll give him a special ribbon whip! OH-HOHOHOHOHO!) UKYOU (And I'll give him the business end of my spatula!) AKANE (Now *that's* the Christmas spirit!) [Music up.] AKANE He hops across the rooftops, [Happosai jumping from roof to roof on this jolly holiday, with his sack.] But if he comes into your house, [Escaping through a window while a better hide your lingerie! girl throws things at him.] Oh, you'd better stay sharp, [Various scenes of Happosai grabbing you'd better not blink! underwear, including stealing the He'll grab all your undies Christmas stockings from inside the as quick as a wink! chimney.] Happosai is comin', [Back to Akane for the big finish!] Yes, Happosai is comin', Happosai is comin' tooo tooooowwwwwn! [Happosai bursts through the door, dressed as Santa.] HAPPOSAI (Ho ho ho! Merry Christmas!) [The girls pounce on him.] ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- [Fade to Sasami with Tenchi.] SASAMI That last one was stupid. TENCHI I'm sorry, Sasami. I don't write them. SASAMI I wanna do a Christmas pageant! Christmas is about the birth of Jesus, after all. We should do something traditional and respectful. TENCHI Hmm. That's an idea. [Sasami hands him some pages.] SASAMI I've got it all written up, right here. [Tenchi's grandfather puts a hand on his shoulder.] GRANDFATHER Tenchi, before you do this, I want you to consider something. Who would play the Virgin Mary? TENCHI Well, uh, I guess... [Picture ripples and fades. The following scene has fuzzy edges to imply that it is an imaginary scenario. Aeka as Mary, Tenchi as Joseph, and Ryoko as the Angel stand in the manger.] AEKA Oh, Joseph. Our child is about to be born. RYOKO Hey! Don't stand so close to Tenchi! I mean Joseph! AEKA Don't talk that way to the Holy Mother of God! Stay up there and be an angel! Now, as I was saying, Joseph... [Ryoko levitates some hay and knocks Aeka down.] Why you! How dare you do that me in my delicate condition! Take that! [She throws one of the sheep at Ryoko. In no time, Ryoko and Aeka are throwing anything that isn't nailed down.] [Ripple-fade back to Tenchi and Sasami, who are pale...] TENCHI Good Lord... SASAMI They'd never let us do another Christmas special again. [She sighs dejectedly.] Oh, well. It was just an idea. GRANDFATHER Tell you what. I know of a traditional story you can tell. One that's much less dangerous. TENCHI Great! Sasami, gather the others! SASAMI I'm on it! [Fade. Background music begins as we pan over the deserted first floor of the Masaki house.] TENCHI (VO) "'Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house, Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse." [Mihoshi, dressed as a mouse, is asleep on the couch.] "The stockings were hung by the chimney with care, In hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there." [Everyone has stockings. Ryoko's is huge.] "The children were nestled all snug in their beds, While visions of sugarplums danced in their heads." [Sasami and little girl Ryo-oh-ki are asleep. A dream of candy floats above Sasami's head; Ryo-oh-ki dreams of carrots.] [Cut to Tenchi's bedroom, where Tenchi wears an old-fashioned nightcap.] TENCHI "And Ma in her 'kerchief, and I in my cap, Had just settled down for a long winter's... nap?" [Tenchi turns around to see both Ryoko and Aeka wearing "'kerchiefs" and grinning.] Uhhhh... [quickly:] "When out on the lawn their arose such a clatter, I sprang from the bed to see what was the matter!" [Aeka and Ryoko are ticked.] AEKA What do you mean? RYOKO You haven't even been *in* bed yet! [Tenchi bolts.] TENCHI "Away to the window I flew like a flash!" [Aeka and Ryoko give chase.] AEKA Come back, Tenchi! RYOKO You get back here! [Tenchi runs down stairs and reaches the big window.] TENCHI "I tore open the shutters and threw back the sash!" Or I would have, if we'd had either... [Aeka and Ryoko catch up.] AEKA There you are, Tenchi! TENCHI "When what to my wondering eyes should appear, But a miniature sleigh, and eight tiny reindeer." RYOKO *Really* tiny. AEKA I'll say... [Outside, Washu, as Santa Claus, rides a sleigh driven by eight cabbit Ryo-oh-ki's. Each cabbit has antlers tied to his head and wears a name tag.] TENCHI (VO) "With a little old driver, so lively and quick, I knew in a moment it must be St. Nick!" WASHU Ho ho ho! TENCHI (VO) "More rapid than eagles, his coursers they came." RYOKO (VO) What's a "courser"? TENCHI (VO) Shh! "And he whistled and shouted and called them by name." WASHU "Now Dasher, now Dancer, now Prancer and Vixen! On Comet, on Cupid, on Donner and Blitzen! To the top of the porch, to the top of the wall! Now dash away! Dash away! Dash away all!" TENCHI (VO) "So up to the housetop, the coursers they flew, With a sleigh full of toys and St. Nicholas too." RYO-OH-KIS MIYA! MIYAAAAA! [The cabbits pull the sleigh on top of the house.] [Cut back indoors.] TENCHI "And then in a twinkling, I heard on the roof, The prancing and pawing of each tiny hoof." AEKA Paw, you mean. TENCHI Aeka! AEKA Forgive me! Please continue. TENCHI "As I drew in my head and was turning around..." [BOOM! Washu comes down the chimney.] WASHU Ow! My butt! TENCHI "Down the chimney St. Nicholas came with a bound." [Washu picks herself up and straightens her beard.] "He was dressed all in fur, from his head to his foot, And clothes were all tarnished with ashes and soot." WASHU Yuck! This is *not* coming out. TENCHI "A bundle of toys he had flung on his back, And he looked like a peddler, just opening his sack. His eyes, how they twinkled!" [Washu flutters her eyelids for the camera.] "His dimples, how merry! His cheeks were like roses..." [Washu poses, showing both profiles.] "His nose, like a cherry." WASHU Eh? Hmm... [She fiddles in a pocket and comes up with a false red tip for her nose and puts it on.] TENCHI "His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow, And the beard of his chin was as white as the snow." [Washu continues to pose.] "The stump of a pipe he held tight in his teeth..." WASHU Oh! Right! [She fishes a pipe out of a pocket and quickly lights it, taking a few puffs.] TENCHI "...and the smoke, it encircled his head like a wreath." [Washu turns green and has a coughing fit.] WASHU COUGH! CHOKE! GAG! That's enough of that! [She tosses the pipe in the fireplace.] TENCHI "He had a broad face and a little round belly..." WASHU Ho ho ho! TENCHI "That shook when he laughed, like a bowlful of jelly." WASHU That's 'cuz it *is* jelly! Synthetic, of course. TENCHI "He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf, and I laughed when I saw him, in spite of myself." (laughs) WASHU What are *you* laughing at? TENCHI Uh, ahem. "He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work." WASHU Right! Sorry! TENCHI "And filled all the stockings..." [Aeka gets jewelry, Sasami manga, Mihoshi snacks, and Ryoko a huge bottle of sake to fill the oversized stocking. Ryoko sees it and starts to drool.] "...then turned with a jerk." [Washu jerks around.] "And laying a finger aside of his nose..." [Washu pushes the false red tip on her nose, activating a large, winged, rocket-pack that folds out of the back of her suit.] "And giving a nod, up the chimney he rose!" HIT THE DECK!! [Washu nods and her rocket pack goes off, sending her careening wildly through the room before finally shooting back up the chimney. Outside she overshoots the sleigh by several hundred meters.] TENCHI (VO) "He sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle..." [Washu whistles, and the cabbits quickly pull the sleigh into the air to catch her.] "...and away they all flew, like the down of a thistle. But I heard him exclaim, as he drove out of sight:" WASHU "Merry Christmas to all! And to all a good night!" [The sleigh flies off into the distance.] Two digits! HAHAHAHAHAAA! [Fade to Sasami in bed. Light from the window plays across her face. Her eyes open slowly. She yawns and stretches. Then she blinks as she realizes what day it is. She shakes little-girl Ryo-oh-ki awake.] [The two little girls walk out into the hall in their pajamas and bare feet, with the camera following behind. They turn the corner, and their faces light up as they see the wonderland before them: the tree, fully decorated, with colorfully wrapped presents filling the room. Tenchi is waiting for them.] [As they come down the steps, the rest of the cast appears, each equally delighted. Soon Christmas morning is well underway, as everyone opens their gifts. Ryo-oh-ki gets carrots, each wrapped with a bow. Ryoko gets a book of "True Crime Stories". Everyone is talking and having a wonderful time.] ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- [MUSIC #4: "Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas" (straight) sung slowly] SASAMI (VO) Have yourself a merry little [Sasami receives a Ryo-oh-ki cabbit Christmas, doll and thanks Tenchi by hugging Let your heart be light. him.] >From now on, our troubles will be [Ryoko and Aeka sheepishly exchange out of sight. presents, then eagerly unwrap, happy with what they find.] MAKOTO (VO) Have yourself a merry little [In El-Hazard, Makoto and Nanami Christmas, decorate a Christmas tree while Make the Yuletide gay. Mr. Fujisawa and Miz watch. Makoto lifts Nanami up to reach a high NANAMI (VO) branch. He stumble and they fall on >From now on, our troubles will be top of each other. Both blush, and miles away. Miz giggles.] PRETTY SAMMY'S CLASSMATES (VO) Here we are, as in olden days, [At the Christmas dance, everyone has Happy golden days of yore. a great time. Mihoshi's appetite is just as big in this universe, and she snarfs snack while Miss Kiyone looks on disapprovingly.] Faithful friends who are dear to [Ryo-oh-ki appears, and is picked up us, by Sasami. Bird-Rumia lands on Gather near to us, once more. Misao's shoulder and rubs against her cheek.] THE RANMA GIRLS (VO) Through the years, we'll always be [A Christmas party is being held at together, Ukyou's, with food and drink and If the fates allow. fun. Ryouga nervously gives Akane a Hang a shining star upon the highest gift. Shampoo initially turns down bough. Mousse's gift, but curiosity gets the better of her and she changes her mind.] AKANE (VO) And have yourself [Akane catches up with Ranma outside A merry little Christmas now. and they exchange gifts under the stars.] [Music fades.] [Fade to the Christmas party at Pretty Sammy's school. Sasami and Misao are having some snacks as Hiroto runs up.] HIROTO (Uh, Misao? I was wondering if, you know, maybe you'd like to... Uh... You know, um, dan--) KONOHA (HIROOOOO-TOOOOOO!) [The jealous Konoha grabs Hiroto and drags him back toward the dance floor.] HIROTO (Hey! Wait! Hold up!) SASAMI [she giggles] (Misao is getting so popular!) [Misao blushes.] [Fade to another party, this one in El-Hazard. Everyone is having a blast, especially Shayla-Shayla, who is plastered.] SHAYLA (Hey, Makoto! This eggnog stuff is great! Really great!) MAKOTO (You should thank Nanami. It's her recipe.) SHAYLA (Uhh. Yeah, right. Um...) [She downs her glass and screws up her courage.] (Anyway, I got you a little something. It's not much but...) [She gives him a small package.] (I hope you like it. Good-- I mean, Merry Christmas!) [She scoots away, blushing.] SHAYLA (VO) Here we are, as in olden days, [Shayla, still blushing, refills her Happy golden days of yore. cup. Makoto catches up to her and taps her on the shoulder. He's MAKOTO (VO) wearing her gift, a small pendant Faithful friends who are dear to with the emblem of the fire shrine. us, Her eyes tear up and she blushes Gather near to us, once more. even more, but her smile is huge.] SASAMI (VO) Through the years, we'll always be [Back to the Masaki party. Ryoko together, poses in her Santa costume as If the fates allow. Mihoshi claps.] Hang a shining star upon the highest [Ryo-oh-ki, in cabbit form, runs up a bough. ladder to put a star at the top of the tree. Everyone applauds.] TENCHI (VO) And have yourself [Aeka and Ryoko sit on either side of A merry little Christmas... Tenchi, for once not fighting over Now. him.] [Cut to El-Hazard] THE CAST OF EL-HAZARD (MERRY CHRISTMAS!) [Cut to Pretty Sammy] MIHOSHI (Okay, everyone! Altogether now!) THE PRETTY SAMMY KIDS (MERRY CHRISTMAS!) [Cut to Ranma 1/2] THE CAST OF RANMA 1/2 (MERRY CHRISTMAS!) [Back to the Masaki house.] TENCHI (Merry Christmas, everyone. Thanks for coming. I hope to see you next year!) [Pan back through the door until the entire Masaki house is visible, with the party continuing in the window.] [Title: "MERRY CHRISTMAS!"] ****** T H E E N D ******